Shelby soon realised that Rachel felt the cold more than she did. Rachel seemed to slip back into herself the next day, she engaged with the school work Shelby went through with her but, once they'd finished for the day, she retreated back to her bedroom. Shelby didn't push her though, she knew this was a big change for Rachel and she wanted to give her time and space to adjust.
She checked on Rachel 30 minutes after she'd stalked upstairs, asking if she wanted anything but she'd just received a shake of the head from the girl sat in the corner of the room with her knees pulled to her chest. It was another 45 minutes before she went back up, "can you come downstairs?" she asked softly, "I'm just about to serve dinner." She noticed Rachel had her arms wrapped around her body and she was shaking slightly, "are you cold?" she asked as she knelt on the floor in front of her. Rachel said nothing, "I need you to be honest with me" she told her, "if you're cold I can turn the heat up or get you a sweater, you don't need to be cold in this house." Rachel nodded, "you're cold?" Rachel nodded again. "Okay, do you have any sweaters or anything?" Shelby tried to remember if she'd seen anything warm in Rachel's closet when helping her choose clothes for school, but Rachel shook her head. She had a couple of long sleeved shirts but she didn't have any sweaters, only her jacket. "Go wash up for dinner" Shelby said softly, "I'll find you something" she promised.
Once Rachel had left the room, Shelby made her way downstairs, she'd had several children turn up with nothing but the clothes on her back, so she kept a few 'emergency' items in almost every size in storage tubs in the cupboard under the stairs, mostly clothes other children had grown out of. Everything was nearly labeled so it didn't take her long to find the box containing clothes that would fit Rachel, and it took her just a couple of seconds to pull out a thick purple hoodie. That would keep Rachel warm for now, then, after dinner they'd go to the mall, they were heading into winter and Shelby wanted to be prepared, she'd make sure Rachel had plenty of warm clothes so she didn't have to worry about being cold. She wasn't surprised that Rachel didn't have any winter clothes, the weather had only just started turning cooler and she often didn't buy summer or winter clothes until they were needed, just in case the child had a growth spurt before they needed them, but she was definitely going to take Rachel out tonight to get some things that she could choose to wear when she felt she needed them.
"I need you to go grab your shoes and jacket" Shelby told Rachel once the girl had helped her clear the plates from the table. "We're going to go to the mall and get you some warmer clothes so if you feel cold in future and you don't want to tell me, you can put on a sweater, and you'll need a thicker coat too." She shook her head, realising she was getting ahead of herself, "let's just see what we need when we get there shall we?"
"Can I pee before we go?" Rachel asked quietly, not sure if they had to leave immediately.
Shelby nodded, "of course you can Rachel, you never have to ask things like that in this house, if you need to use the bathroom you can just go okay?" Rachel nodded and almost ran from the room, wanting to be as quick as possible so Shelby didn't get angry with her, "baby steps" Shelby whispered to herself as she went to get her own shoes, "we'll get there."
Rachel was a little overwhelmed by the amount of things Shelby picked out once they were at the store, even more surprised when she got asked to choose things too. Shelby noticed how Rachel hesitated when she was asked to choose something, how she almost seemed scared of making the wrong choice, even when it just came down to something as simple as choosing between a green shirt or a blue one.
The more things Shelby picked out, the more worried Rachel became, Shelby had a thick winter coat in her hands, sweaters, gloves, hoodies, she even had thick sweatpants and fluffy pyjamas. Rachel had absolutely no idea how many chores she'd have to do, how long she'd have to work to 'earn' all the clothes Shelby had picked out. She was a little relieved when Shelby told her she needed to try the clothes on, maybe they wouldn't fit and Shelby wouldn't have to buy them for her after all. Rachel was so concerned about Shelby thinking she was trouble for needing so many new clothes, she missed the question, her head snapping up as Shelby gently placed a hand on her arm, "I said do you need a hand trying these on or can you do it yourself?" she repeated once she was sure she had Rachel's attention. Once again Rachel just stood in silence, not sure what the 'right' answer was. "Can I come and help you?" Rachel gave a small nod, "okay" Shelby gestured to an empty cubicle, "let's try these on."
Rachel once again wrapped her arms around herself as she stood in just her tshirt, panties and socks, she didn't know why she was so cold, maybe it was because she was so stupid, she didn't know how to be warm.
"Here" Shelby handed over a pair of sweat pants, "we'll be as quick as we can so you can get dressed again." Shelby saw Rachel's expression change as she pulled on the pants, "are they okay? Do they feel comfy?" she asked.
"They're fluffy inside!" Rachel hadn't expected the soft, almost furry fabric she could feel against her legs.
"They are" Shelby smiled, "it's to help keep you warm, do you like them?" Rachel nodded, "can I touch your tummy?" she asked, "I promise I'll be gentle, I won't hurt you." Rachel didn't know why Shelby wanted to touch her but she nodded again, holding her breath in anticipation as Shelby reached towards her, but, just like she promised, she didn't hurt her, she simply ran her hand around the top of the trousers before tugging gently at the elasticated waistband to make sure there was room for Rachel to grow a little. "Okay, are these a yes then?" she asked once she was sure they fitted well.
Rachel nodded yet again, "yes please."
"Okay" Shelby smiled, "take them off and put them here" she gestured to one side of the small bench, "this can be the pile of things we're getting" she said as she put down two more pairs of sweatpants, identical in style to the ones Rachel had just tried on, just in different colours.
Rachel had never tried on so many things before, Shelby had a good eye for sizes and everything Rachel had tried had fitted her and gone onto the yes pile except for one sweater that Rachel had said felt 'itchy'. Shelby had even picked out vests and thick woollen tights and cardigans so Rachel could continue to wear her favourite dresses and skirts as the weather turned colder.
Once Rachel was back in her old clothes, Shelby gathered up all the clothes in the 'yes' pile, the 'no' pile consisting of just three items. "Okay" Shelby smiled once Rachel was ready, "there's just one more thing I want to get then we can go home."
"Okay" Rachel didn't argue, didn't even ask what Shelby wanted to get, she was too busy wondering what Shelby would want in return for all the clothes she was buying. She wasn't paying attention, simply followed Shelby through the stoor and she couldn't help but frown in confusion as Shelby led her over to a wall covered in a rainbow of towels.
"What's your favourite colour?" Shelby asked, Rachel looking up at her with a frown, "I know we have plenty of towels at home but it's always nice for you to have something of your own isn't it? We can get you two big towels and two small towels for drying your hair with, that way, when ones in the wash you still have one to use."
Rachel looked up at Shelby, "really I can pick one?"
"Really" Shelby nodded, "you need four towels, they can all be the same colour or they can all be different colours if you want." Shelby usually just bought white towels, she wasn't bothered about having anything colourful, white was fine with her, but she wanted Rachel to feel at home, wanted the girl to feel like she had some items of her own, and Shelby didn't mind if a collection of purple, orange, green and red towels ended up in the blue bathroom. Rachel spent a moment looking at the wall of towels, there was almost too much choice for her, she didn't want to make the wrong decision and make Shelby angry. "Do you have a favourite colour?" Shelby asked softly.
Rachel nodded, "I like purple, and yellow like my bedroom" she said quietly.
"Well there are bright yellow or pastel yellow towels, and there's purple, dark purple and lilac."
"Can I get purple?" Rachel finally made her decision.
Shelby smiled and nodded, a little surprised that Rachel had actually made the decision for herself. "Sure you can" Shelby walked over to the purple towels, "which one?" Again Rachel thought for a moment before pointing to the mid purple colour, "do you want all your towels that colour?"
"Can I get that one too?" Racek asked, pointing to the paler purple towels.
"Of course" Shelby picked out a hand towel and a bath sheet in each colour. "Thank you for choosing them, now, can you think of anything else you need?" Rachel shook her head, Shelby had already bought so many new things for her, she couldn't ask for anything else. "Okay, well if you think of anything, let me know and we can come back." The pair had to walk through the bedding department to get to the cash register and Shelby noticed that something caught Rachel's eye, "would you like to look at anything?" she asked.
Rachel shook her head, "no thank you." Shelby had already bought her so many new things, there was no way she could ask for anything else.
"I don't mind getting you some new sheets if you want some" Shelby told her, she purposely had plain sheets in her guest beds so they'd suit a child of any age, that was why the rooms were painted in fairly neutral colours too, but, if a child was going to be staying with her for a long time, like she hoped Rachel would be, she didn't mind them personalising their room a little. Shelby also hoped that, by buying Rachel things of her own, she'd start to feel at home with Shelby, and she'd hopefully realise that Shelby wasn't going to 'send her back.' "Why don't we go see what they've got?"
"You've got me too many things" Rachel said quietly, "you shouldn't have to spend so much money on me."
"Rachel" Shelby crouched down in front of her, "I wouldn't offer to spend money on you if I didn't want to. I know you might not be able to believe me when I say this yet, but I want you to stay with me until you're a grown up, I can't think of one single thing you could do that would make me want to send you to live with someone else. Whatever happens we'll deal with it and we'll deal with it together. And if you're staying with me, I'd like you to have things of your own, I want you to feel like that house, that bedroom are 'yours' and if that means we completely redecorate, if that means we just get new sheets or anything in between, then we can do it okay? Whatever makes you feel like you're at home."
"I've never had a home before" Rachel whispered as tears formed in her eyes, she still couldn't understand why Shelby was always so nice to her, and she always felt so confused when Shelby said she wouldn't send her away, she wanted to believe her, but deep down she knew that one day she'd make her really angry and she'd be sent away again.
Shelby smiled sadly, "well you've got one now Rachel, I promise you, you have a home with me for as long as you want."
"Even when I'm big?"
"Even when you're big" Shelby nodded, "so how about we pick out some new sheets for your room and then we go back to our home and get everything in the wash so it's ready for when you need it?"
She took a little convincing, but eventually Rachel chose a white bedding set, the covers patterned with rainbows that looked hand drawn, she looked shyly up at Shelby," is this one okay?" she asked, she really liked it, but she wasn't sure if Shelby wanted her to get something specific, or even if this one was too much money.
"If you like it then it's great, I think it's really pretty. Is that the one you want to get?"
Rachel nodded, "if I can really get it, but I don't have to get it, you've already got me too many clothes and I don't have to get this, I don't want to be too much trouble."
"You're not trouble" Shelby reassured her, "I wouldn't have offered to buy it for you if I didn't want to, and I've bought you as many clothes as you need, and, as you grow bigger, I'll buy you even more, you don't need to worry about that Rachel, you never need to worry about how many things I buy you or how much they cost."
Rachel stayed silent as Shelby paid for everything, and she didn't speak on the drive home either. She wasn't quite sure what to do with herself once they were back at the house, Shelby had mentioned wanting to do laundry but Rachel didn't know if she was expected to help or if there was something else Shelby wanted her to do, Shelby had spent so much money on her, she had to want some sort of repayment.
Shelby noticed Rachel lingering in the door to the utility room as she sorted through the things she'd bought, "do you want to help?" she asked softly. Rachel gave a single nod and Shelby smiled, "okay, how about, I take the labels off everything and you put them in the washing machine for me?" Rachel nodded again and they worked in silence, Shelby cutting the tags off the clothes before passing them to Rachel, the girl carefully putting the items into the machine one by one. Once she'd done with all the darks, Shelby added detergent and set the machine running, "thank you for helping" she praised Rachel, "it was really kind of you."
"I like helping you" Rachel admitted shyly, it was true, she knew she'd only been with Shelby for a couple of days, but she'd never been made to feel like she 'had' to do chores, and Shelby always said nice things when she did help, and that made Rachel feel all nice inside, it was so different from being yelled at and told she was doing everything wrong.
"You're a very good helper" Shelby smiled, "now, there's something I want to show you, it's in your bedroom, is it okay if we go up there?" Rachel nodded, she wasn't sure why Shelby was asking, this was her house, of course she could go into the bedroom if she wanted to. "Thank you" Rachel didn't know why Shelby thanked her, but she didn't ask, simply followed her from the room. "I want to show you this" Shelby opened the bottom drawer, "there are two blankets in here, one is a little thicker than the other. If you wake up in the night and you're cold, or if you're just sitting here like earlier and you feel cold then you can get one of these blankets out, you don't have to ask. And if you need help putting one of the blankets on the bed, you can come ask me, even in the middle of the night. " She saw Rachel looking up at her, and wondered if the girl would ever dare use one of the blankets, "how about we put one on your bed now in case you get cold in the night?"
Rachel nodded slightly, "yes please."
"Okay" Shelby took the thinner of the two blankets and laid it over the top of Rachel's duvet before she picked up the thicker blanket and set it down in the corner of the room where Rachel liked to sit, "I'll leave this one here for if you want to use it okay?" Rachel nodded, grateful that Shelby had, not only bought her new clothes, but, given her blankets too. "Okay then" she glanced at her watch, "let's get you in the bath and ready for bed".
"Do I need to pick out some clothes?" Rachel asked nervously.
Shelby shook her head, "not tonight, I'll put your new clothes in the dryer before I go to bed, then you can pick something out in the morning, I'm going to teach you here again so we won't be in any rush."
"Oh" Rachel nodded, "okay."
"if you want to choose something now then we can do that, but it's okay if you want to wait and choose something in the morning then that's okay too."
"I don't want to be trouble" Rachel whispered, "I don't know what to do." She wasn't used to having choices or making decisions and the last thing she wanted to do was make Shelby angry. She had to make the right choice. She had to be good. She had to make sure she wasn't any trouble for Shelby, it was the only way she'd get to stay.
Shelby could sense the girl was getting anxious so she stepped in before Rachel could work herself up too much, "let's get you in the bath" she said softly, "we can get you in your pyjamas once you're dry and then we can decide, does that sound okay?"
"Yeah" Rachel said softly, "okay."
"Okay" Shelby smiled. "You get your pyjamas out and put them on the bed, I'll go run your bath, do you want bubbles?"
Shelby couldn't help but smile as she saw a Rachel's face light up, "I can have a bubble bath?"
"Sure you can! I've got strawberry, bubblegum, vanilla or grape bubbles" she also had lavender that she used to help herself relax when she was feeling stressed but she didn't think Rachel would like that one, "what would you like?" Once again Shelby saw panic flash across Rachel's face, "grab some pyjamas" she said softly, "you can come smell the bubbles before you make your choice."
Shelby sat on the bathroom floor with Rachel, letting the girl smell all the bottles of bubble bath, "I like them all" Rachel admitted.
"That's good" Shelby smiled, "you can have bubbles in every bath if you want, so, choose one for tonight and then tomorrow you can have a different one."
Rachel looked up at Shelby, she could only remember having a bubble bath one time before and now Shelby was telling her she could always have them, she wasn't sure she'd ever understand why Shelby was so nice to her." I can really have them all the time?"
"Of course" Shelby nodded, "if you want them all the time you can have them all the time, if you just want them sometimes, you can just have them sometimes" Rachel had been through so much that, if bubble baths made her smile, Shelby would buy all the bubble bath she could!
"I'd like this one please" Rachel handed Shelby the 'vanilla cupcake' bottle.
"Vanilla it is" Shelby took the bottle from Rachel, and poured a generous amount under the running water. She sat on the bathroom floor with Rachel until the bath was ready when she told her, "I'm going to get some towels while you jump in, I won't be long". Just like she promised, Shelby was only gone a couple of minutes, and she returned to find Rachel already in the bath, gently swishing her hands in the water. "Okay?"
Rachel nodded, "can I ask you a question? I don't want to be rude though."
"You can ask me anything, I won't think you're rude."
Rachel didn't look up at Shelby, kept her gaze focused on the patterns she was drawing in the bubbles with her fingertips and it took her a minute or two to build up enough confidence to ask, "why do you always go away when I get in the bath?" Shelby always went to get Rachel's towels once the bath was ready and she didn't understand why.
"I know you're still a child" Shelby told her, "but you're not a baby or a toddler, so I want to give you some privacy, has anyone ever told you about the 'underwear rule'?" Rachel shook her head, a slight frown on her face, did Shelby have rules about her underwear? Was she meant to wear underwear in the tub? "Your underwear covers parts of your body that are private" she began to explain, "and nobody should ask to see, or touch, those parts of your body. Some people might have to see them sometimes, like me if you want help in the bath, or a doctor if there's something wrong, but nobody should just be asking to see or touch them for no reason, do you understand?" Rachel nodded and Shelby continued, "so, because you get undressed to get in the tub, I leave the room to give you some privacy, I help you out because I don't want you to slip, but if you think you can do it on your own and want me to leave the room when you get out then I'll do that too. And when you feel like you want to take a bath without me here, you just need to tell me okay?"
"Oh" Rachel nodded, "okay."
"And because nobody should ask to see or touch your private parts, you are allowed to say no, your body is your body, and you can say no to anything, even if it's just a hug or someone holding your hand, you can say no, and you can tell me. If someone asks to see parts of your body you don't want to show them, or they try to touch you when you've said no, then you need to tell someone, me or Sarah or your teacher, or another adult and we can help you."
"Is that why you ask me if you can hug me?" Rachel asked quietly.
"It is" Shelby nodded, "and I won't be angry if you say no."
Rachel nodded, "okay."
"Do you have any questions about what I've just told you?" Shelby asked.
"How big do I need to be for you to stop helping me wash my hair?"
"There's no limit" Shelby said honestly, "when you feel able to wash your hair for yourself and when you want me to stop sitting with you, then I'll stop, and if you want me to wash your hair and then leave, then that's okay too, I will help you for as long as you want my help."
"Before" Rachel mumbled quietly, "they said when you were seven you had to do the shower on your own."
"If you want to shower, or bathe, alone, we can practice you washing your hair if you want, you can try and do it yourself and I can make sure you've washed it all and rinsed it well if you want, but I'll help you for as long as you want me to."
"You'll really help me learn to do it?"
"Sure I will" Shelby reached for the shower head, "so first of all, you need to make sure the water isn't too hot or too cold, so run it on your hand and adjust it if you need to."
Shelby talked Rachel through washing her own hair, massaging the shampoo into her head a little more once Rachel had done it and giving it an extra rinse to make sure she had all the suds out, "did I do it good?" Rachel asked once she'd finished.
"You did it very good" Shelby nodded, "especially for your first time, and it will be a lot easier when you've had your hair cut."
"Nobody's ever teached me it before."
"And that's why you can't do it" Shelby said softly, "it's not your fault if nobody's taught you how to do something."
"But you teach me how to do things." Rachel was still playing with the bubbles, she wasn't lying, nobody had ever taught her how to do things like wash her hair, she'd just been expected to know how to do it, and part of her knew Shelby was right, how was she supposed to know how to do something I'd she'd never been taught? But at the same time she still felt stupid for not knowing how to do things that everybody else could do.
Shelby nodded as she squirted a little shower gel onto a sponge and handed it to Rachel so she could begin to wash herself, "I do, because once I've taught you and you have chance to practice, you'll know how to do it yourself."
"Will you wash my face?" Rachel asked quietly once Shelby had praised her for washing her body, "I don't like it when the bubbles go in my eyes."
"Sure" Shelby grabbed a face cloth, putting a small amount of mild soap on it, "close your eyes". She wiped the cloth over Rachel's face and rinsed it off before wiping it dry and telling her, "okay, all done."
Rachel shyly looked up at Shelby before telling her, "I really like living here, thank you for being so nice to me."
"I'm glad you like it, I like having you here. And I'm nice to you because you're nice to me."
Shelby let Rachel stay in the bath for a little while longer, Rachel was obviously enjoying playing with the bubbles and, as she assumed Rachel had never been able to just relax in a bubble bath, Shelby was happy to let her stay in for a little while. Eventually though, the bubbles began to pop and the water began to cool, so Shelby held out a large towel, wrapping it around Rachel's body before wrapping a smaller towel around her hair, gently rubbing to dry it off a little. "You go get your pyjamas on" Shelby told her, "I'll come through in a few minutes and help you with your hair."
Rachel nodded and headed straight for her bedroom, determined that she was going to be good and do everything Shelby asked. Shelby was being so kind, the least Rachel could do was be good in return, but she stopped in the bathroom doorway, watching as Shelby reached for the shower head so she could rinse the remaining bubbles out of the bath, "Shelby?"
"Yeah?" she turned to face Rachel with a smile on her face.
"Thank you."