As always anything recognizable belongs to Meyer.

CHAPTER 5

As promised Alice had set my clothes out and was heating up a curling iron on my desk when my alarm went off in the morning.

"Curls, Alice, really?" I asked as I rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes.

"Just a little," she promised. "I decided to focus on just hair instead of doing makeup for you. Now get up and get ready!"

I did as she asked and went to the bathroom to do my morning routine. She ambushed me into the desk chair the moment I reentered my room and started putting loose curls and waves in my hair. She even had a S'mores Pop Tart on a plate for me to eat while she worked.

"What are you and Jasper going to do while I'm at school?" I asked between bites. I was trying to distract myself from what would happen after school.

"We're done with everything we need to do to move back. He wants to see how much sense we can make of Victoria's trails and patterns in the woods so we can tell everyone tonight. We will be back when you're done with school though, I'll meet you here," she said.

I nodded and suppressed a wince. I still wasn't sure what would happen tonight. Like Alice said, I would just have to be in the moment.

"No one in town knows we're coming back yet. Carlisle will contact the hospital when they get here tonight. So at least you won't have the gossip to deal with until we're back at school with you."

"That's good, at least. There's going to be so much gossip when you guys show up." Thankfully I didn't have to deal with that yet.

"It will die down after a few days like always. Something new will happen to grab everyone's attention."

I sighed, hoping she was right.

She finished my hair and made a few more adjustments while I looked in the mirror. I did like the way my hair looked but not enough to make it part of my daily routine. Alice finally declared me perfect and handed me my backpack and told me she would see me later.

On the drive there I realized it felt rather weird to just be going to school again. So much happened since I had been there only three days ago. I wasn't sure if I wanted the day to pass slowly or quickly. I was leaning toward slowly because while I did want to see Edward, I was so afraid that he still wouldn't want to be with me. The very thought made the hole in my chest feel as wide and deep as a canyon.

I reminded myself that the rest of the Cullens at least would not be abandoning me and that helped make it a bit more manageable. I parked my truck in my usual spot in the student lot and wrapped my arms around myself, taking some deep calming breaths. The warning bell rang and I headed to my first class. I was determined to focus on my classes or really anything else but Edward for the next 7 hours.

Alice appeared from the woods the moment I parked my truck in the driveway after school.

"Is he?...um." I suddenly couldn't find the words to even ask about him. How was I going to talk to Edward when I couldn't even form a sentence?

"He'll be at the house a couple minutes after us." Alice responded to the rest of my question. "He got here while you were at school but we made him go hunting. He looked terrible."

We didn't say anything else and she just ghosted around after me inside the house as I dropped off my school bag and left a reminder note for Charlie that I wouldn't be home until late.

We rode to the Cullen house in silence too. My chest tightened when we turned onto the long driveway. Thankfully the yard and the house already looked much better than when I foolishly came here a month ago. Jasper and Alice had restored it to near perfection in the short time they had been here. With Alice beside me this time I was able to keep it together. A small victory considering I was still in knots over what might happen with Edward.

Jasper was waiting for us on the porch when we pulled up. He tried to ease my emotional torment as Alice and I climbed the stairs.

"Bella, it really will be okay eventually," he assured me again. "Edward is dying to see you. Alice and I will be upstairs if you need us though and we'll come down when she sees the others arriving."

I just nodded as he tried to make me feel calmer again. The only thing that would make me calm now was finding out Edward was lying and wanted me back.

"Everyone will be here just before dark to give you a general idea. I picked up some dinner for you to eat when they get here," Alice explained. "If you need a break or anything just decide to come find me and I'll see it and come intervene, okay?" I nodded. "Remember we love both of you and I'm on your side." It was comforting that they would be nearby and step in if I needed them.

Edward came through the trees at the side of the yard and then froze when he saw us. Even from a distance and with a pained expression he looked more beautiful than I remembered. My heart that I felt had been missing and dead so long seemed to stutter back to life as he walked at human speed the rest of the way to the house.

Alice patted me on the shoulder and she and Jasper both gave Edward pointed looks. He nodded at whatever they said in their thoughts, but his face remained the same. Next thing I knew Alice and Jasper were gone and I was alone with Edward on the porch. Just being near him again felt like all my broken pieces were being glued back together.

"Hi," I finally said quietly. My voice was surprisingly steady despite my feeling so close to crumbling inside.

His eyes softened at my greeting. They were an amber color but the dark circles underneath them were still deep. He clearly hadn't hunted often enough while he was away.

"Hi," he replied. "Bella, I missed you… so much." His voice broke just a little on the last words and it made my heart ache.

"I missed you too." Suddenly I was in his arms hugging him as tightly as I could. I knew we had to talk but for now I just needed to feel that he was real and here with me again. I wished I was strong enough to hold onto him forever.

"You're really here," I breathed.

"I am here. You're safe and I'm so sorry." His reply was so quiet I almost didn't hear it.

I don't even know how long we stood there holding each other. His face was buried in my hair, and he was taking deep breaths. Eventually I could make out the words he was mumbling. "Thank God you're okay. I'm here. I love you. I'm so sorry." Over and over and I knew it was time to separate myself from him and find out the truth.

I pushed myself away from his chest but kept his hands in mine between us. "Alice told me you lied, is that true? I need to know." This time my voice was a little shaky. I needed Alice to be right.

His pained expression was back and his eyes were almost pleading. He let out a shaky breath and said "Of course lied to you when I left Bella, you have to believe that. It nearly killed me to do it, but I needed you to let me go. I'm so sorry, and I owe you so much more than an apology"

"Why?" My voice cracked and I blinked back a few tears that filled my eyes.

He gave me a small, sad smile and rubbed his thumbs over the backs of my hands. "I thought you would be safe without me. That's all I ever want for you, above everything else I need you to be safe." His face searched mine as he said this. "When I got Jasper's messages that Laurent almost killed you, I practically had a panic attack. It took him a while to convince me that you were actually okay and I got here as fast as I could," he said these last words very quickly, like he was agitated.

"I am okay," I assured him, squeezing his hands in an attempt to calm him a little. "Jacob and the other wolves saved me."

"The wolves are another thing," he said a little slower. "Though I will be forever grateful to them for saving you. They're not safe either."

"Jacob is my friend. He would never hurt me." I stated firmly. "He was there for me when… when you were gone." The hole in my chest rippled in reminder.

The pain must have shown on my face because he apologized again. "I know, I'm so sorry. You have to understand I only wanted to protect you. I thought leaving was the only way to give you your normal and safe life back. That's what I wanted you to have. I know it was a mistake now."

"That's another thing Edward, what about what I wanted? You didn't talk to me about it at all and then decided to lie to me instead. Apparently hurting yourself just as much in the process. I don't understand that one bit." I let go of his hands to cross my arms in irritation.

He sighed and pulled a hand through his hair. His eyes were still pleading and if he didn't look so miserable I might have been a little dazzled. "I told you once before, that I would hurt myself if it meant you would be happy and that I could protect you. If it was the best thing for you."

The conversation we had had so long ago in the school cafeteria came flooding back to me. Along with all his avoidance and warnings that he wasn't good for me and I should stay away in the weeks after we first met in biology. I wondered for a moment when he had gone back to that line of thinking. My heart sank at the thought that he might have never truly gotten over it like I thought he did.

"That definitely didn't work out the way you wanted," I began. "You simply hurt us both and your whole family according to Alice and Jasper. Did you believe that all this time? That you could leave me, and hurt yourself if you thought it was best for me." My voice rose in both pitch and volume as I spoke.

"I did on some level. I love you so much Bella. I care about you above everything else." His voice sounded so soft and sheepish that it deflated my rising temper for a moment.

I frowned. "I love you, I never want you to be hurt." Edward being in pain was one of the worst things I could imagine. "How long had you been thinking about this?" I asked. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer so I gritted my teeth and waited.

"I won't lie to you again." He looked down at the ground for the first time, breaking eye contact with me like he was ashamed. "I'd been thinking about it since James attacked you." His voice matched the pain in his expression.

The words hit me like ice and I gasped at the shock. "What? So all last summer when I thought everything was wonderful and we were so happy, you were trying to decide how to leave me?" I was fighting tears again. I wasn't even sure what the cause of them was this time. "You even promised in the hospital that you would stay." I shook my head rapidly, I could not believe what I was hearing.

"As long as it was safe for you. As long as it was the best thing for you," he finished. He looked as heartbroken as I felt. He trailed off and took a deep breath. "I- I'm so sorry," he stammered, "I know I hurt you. I know that I'm sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. But I always had your best interest in mind. And I won't make that mistake again."

My hurt shifted to irritation and anger. The new feelings made my skin crawl and I had to clench my hands into fists to relieve the tension. He really lied and hid this from me all this time? Because he thought it was for the best? I could hardly look at him.

"That's not what I need. I don't need your best interests." I said, shaking my head. "I need you to realize that you've lied to me for a long time and I'm not sure I can forgive that easily. I need you to want to stay and I definitely need you to stop making decisions for me. You always do what you think is best and don't listen to anyone else, especially not me."

"Bella, I always listen to you. You know how much I want to hear everything that you're thinking." He furrowed his brow like he was confused by my statement.

Did he truly not understand? "No, you hear what I'm saying but you don't actually listen and take my thoughts and feelings into account and there's a big difference. If you did, how could you ever leave me after all the times I said that I wanted forever with you. Did you think I didn't mean it?" It hurt all over again that he completely disregarded my feelings. The icy hurt and searing hot anger burned through my veins.

Edward looked like my words struck him. "I knew you meant it in a sense but you're human. Human thoughts and feelings are capable of changing. I thought you would move on from me and have a happy human life. That's what I wanted for you Bella, you have to understand that."

"You keep saying that," I spat. I was shouting now but I didn't care. "It only proves that you're not actually listening and still think you were doing the right thing! Again, what about what I want? I told you so many times that I wanted forever with you. How could you not understand what that meant? If you truly loved me and listened to me you would have known that before you left. And my best interests are for me to decide, or at least have a say in. My best interest is to be with you. Why don't you understand that?" I threw his words back at him and glared, feeling truly angry now.

He looked taken aback that I shouted at him, he opened and closed his mouth once before his face crumpled and he spoke again. His voice was softer this time, "Because I'm a monster, I'm too dangerous for you Bella." I scoffed but he continued, "I am, so how could I ever be the best thing for you? You deserve much better than me, so much more than what my world has to offer you. All I do is hurt you and put you in danger."

This was becoming a ridiculously reversed version of what he told me in September. "You've got to be kidding me." I rolled my eyes. "Now you're not good for me? I'm in danger without you too Edward. I would most likely be dead right now if you hadn't saved me from Tyler's van. You've saved me so many times, yet you only focus on the bad things. I'm the clumsiest person ever, an absolute magnet for danger and trouble. I could die falling down the stairs or getting hit by a car, not to mention running into nomadic vampires," I finished with a huff.

"God Bella, please don't say things like that. I can't even consider the possibility of losing you. I realize how stupid I was to leave you. It was truly the worst thing I've ever done and I'll never forgive myself for it."

I took a deep breath and forced my voice to return to a normal volume. "It was stupid, I'll give you that but now we need to fix this Edward. If you even truly want to, that is." I looked at him and he nodded before I continued. "I understand now why you left but how can I trust that you won't do it again as soon as I do something wrong or give myself another stupid papercut or something around you or one of your family members?"

He frowned and tugged at his hair again. "You have every right not to trust me and to be angry with me. But I did lie, Bella, I do love you and want you. I certainly don't have the strength to leave you again. I barely survived the first time, especially now knowing what it did to you too... I realize it was the worst decision I ever made." His eyes were burning me with the intensity of his gaze.

I wasn't sure what to say to that anymore. I was hurt and still angry and we were just talking in circles for now. I wanted to forgive him but finding out he had lied to me for months and completely disregarded my feelings was a little too much to just get over right now. His words were sinking in and I suddenly felt crushed under the weight of my feelings and I knew I needed some time before I saw the rest of the family. The sky was getting dark so I decided to let Alice come get me to eat my dinner.

"Okay, you won't leave me right now." I finally said and I continued before he could protest. "At least not while Victoria is around. But I need some time to process all this. You've been lying to me for months and I'm still not sure that you truly understand my side. Or how I'm supposed to determine the actual truth in what you say."

I took his hand and looked him in the eyes. "I still love you, I never stopped. But I think we need some time to think about how we can fix this. It's obvious we need to be together but I can't forgive you for leaving and completely disregarding my feelings so easily yet. And I meant what I said you need to accept this and truly want to stay." The broken pieces of the hole that had been repaired earlier threatened to come undone as I said those last words.

He looked heartbroken again but said, "I understand Bella, I want to stay. I will do anything to make it up to you."

I couldn't trust my voice any longer so I just nodded and turned to go inside. Alice met me at the door and put an arm around my waist to comfort me while she led me to the kitchen. As soon as we got there she wrapped me in a hug and I couldn't hold back my tears of both anger and hurt any longer. How I made it through my whole conversation with Edward without crying I'll never know.

Alice did nothing but hold me until I got control of myself. "You can go home,'' she offered. "You don't have to see everyone else tonight."

"No, I want to see them. I missed them so much." I took a couple more shaky breaths while she got out the takeout box from the diner and some dishes so I could eat.

"They'll be here when you finish eating then." She sat down beside me to keep me company while I ate. "It won't be so hard to talk to him again," she tried to explain, "you made him understand what he did wrong."

I raised my eyebrows and stared at her blankly.

"Okay, you made him understand a little but Jasper is helping him understand more completely right now," she amended with a sheepish smile.

I sighed "Well I hope he helps." My voice was steady again. I was comforted that they wanted to help both of us, we certainly needed it. "I might be ready to talk again tomorrow. If he's ready to actually listen." My anger had cooled but the hurt was still there.

There wasn't much else to say while he was still within hearing distance so we just sat in silence while Alice rubbed comforting circles on my back. I think seeing everyone again would be exactly what I need, I definitely did not want to go home and be alone with my thoughts. I pushed thoughts of Edward out of my mind and focused solely on calming myself down and enjoying Alice's company until the family arrived.

So was their reunion what you were expecting? Not a lot of fics where Bella gets mad because it is a little OOC for her but in my mind Alice planting the idea that Edward lied and then having a full day to stew over that would lead her to be angry when she found out the actual reason. Plus there's not a suicide attempt for them to super desperate over each other about.

This story is beta-read by russianred88 and LittleCreatureLaughing (go read their stories they're great!) and a couple other friends who do not have accounts here for me to credit but I am grateful to them anyway.