Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

…

"Attention, humans!" The armored ogre roared into a microphone, stopping the crowd of terrified civilians who had been running from the namahage horde in their tracks. "It has come to my attention that, despite our best efforts to assuage you, you're still afraid of us for some reason-"

"You're an army of invading space monsters who are chasing us through the streets to kill us!" One of the frightened humans screamed.

The ogre started, alarmed. "What? No, no, no. We aren't going to kill you, we're going to enslave you! Guys, you were clear on that point, right?"

The namahages nodded. "Yeah, we keep telling them that, but they don't seem to believe us for some reason," one of them spoke up.

"You keep stabbing us and disintegrating us!" One of the civilians shouted.

"What? No, no, our knives are set on teleport," one of the namahages insisted, stabbing one of his comrades, who vanished in a flash of light. "See?"

For some reason, that caused the humans to start screaming again, until the namahage reappeared in a flash of light. "You could have given me a little warning," he huffed, glaring at his friend in annoyance.

"Sorry, I jumped the gun a little," the first namahage admitted.

"You see?" Asteroibotchi said, coming up beside the ogre's side. "Perfectly harmless, just like my meteors!"

"What, you're telling us they're set to teleport too?!" One of the humans yelled sarcastically.

"Yes," Asteroibotchi said, stymieing the protester. "I've been saying that ever since I got here, just like the Uchuhage. Haven't you been listening?" He frowned. "Wait, do you have hearing problems? Do you have trouble understanding me? My translator's working, isn't it?"

"That… No, it's working fine," one of the humans said, fear starting to be overtaken by confusion. "We just… We just thought you guys were lying or something."

"Why would we lie?" The ogre asked, genuinely perplexed.

"To… Get us to drop our guards to make it easier for you to kill or capture us?" A police officer offered hesitantly.

The ogre scoffed. "That's preposterous. If we wanted to kill you – which we don't – we would just do it, we wouldn't bother with deception. It's dishonorable, as well as inefficient."

Now the humans were really confused. "Then… What do you want with us?"

"To enslave you," the ogre said patiently. "As we've tried telling you, dozens of times."

For some reason, this got everyone screaming again, much to the bewilderment of the Youkaliens.

"We don't want to be slaves!" A terrified woman screamed.

"I do," a salaryman said suddenly. Everyone around him stared him in disbelief.

The ogre's face lit up. "Wonderful! Finally, someone willing to submit!"

The salaryman raised his hand. "I have a few questions first, though."

The ogre shrugged. "Sure, go ahead, that's why I'm here."

"Would I have to clean your queen's feet with my tongue?" The salaryman asked, sounding a little too eager.

The Youkaliens stared at him in confusion, while his fellow humans recoiled in revulsion. "What? No, that's… that's incredibly unsanitary. Why would you… Why would you want to do that?" The dumbfounded ogre asked.

"To show my devotion to a being so infinitely superior to me that I am nothing but an insignificant speck of dust, who only continues to breathe at her pleasure, and only exists to be abused, humiliated, and denigrated?" The salaryman was starting to pant now, looking very red in the face.

The other humans started looking at him in disgust. The ogre blinked, getting increasingly concerned and weirded out. "What? That's… I mean, yes, Her Divinity is an immaculate, perfect being who is to us as we are to insects, but she, uh, she doesn't exactly demand that sort of veneration. It creeps her out a little, to be honest."

"Oh," the salaryman said, looking disappointed, only for his eyes to light up. "Then, if I were to do it anyway, she would be… Displeased, yes? And she would… Punish me?"

The ogre blinked. "No, she would just give you a very stern talking to. Maybe recommend a therapist. Do you need a therapist? This doesn't sound like an entirely healthy mindset, do you have self-esteem issues or-"

"If I were a bad slave, how would I be punished?" The salaryman continued, starting to slaver, much to the horror of everyone around him. "Would I be whipped? Scarred? Have my nails pulled out and hot pokers rammed up my-"

"WHOA!" The ogre exclaimed in horror as the other humans screamed – not at him, for a change – and some of the Uchuhages started retching. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! No! Hegemon, NO! Why would you… That's… That's awful! We don't do that!"

Asteroibotchi moaned and put his face in his hands. "This is like Paragus all over again…"

"We absolutely do NOT employ corporal punishment!" The ogre was quick to assert. "And while yes, okay, sometimes things can get a little heated in bed – nine heavens know the princess-consort has some major kinks – it never gets to that level!"

One of the Uchuhages nodded. "Safe, sane, and consensual is how we do things."

The salaryman, along with a few other members of the crowd, seemed visibly disappointed at this.

"How do you punish slaves, then?" A middle-aged woman asked.

The ogre shrugged. "About the same way we would punish ourselves, really, unless someone's been really bad. Longer hours, timeouts, early bedtimes, denial of cuddles or dessert-"

"Wait, that's it?!" A little boy cried. "My mom gives me worse than that!"

"Dear, not in public," a woman who was clearly his mother hissed anxiously as all eyes turned to her.

"Oh, denial of cuddles or dessert is no joke," Asteroibotchi said seriously. "I've seen hardened warriors twice my age break down and promise never to disappoint the Hegemon again after receiving that punishment."

"Not as bad as the little princesses looking at you in disappointment," one of the Uchuhages commented, sounding somewhat traumatized. "Or worse, crying!"

All the Youkaliens shuddered at the thought. The humans were increasingly bewildered.

"This might be one of the strangest invasions we've ever had," a schoolgirl murmured to her friend, who nodded in agreement.

"Excuse me?"

"Hmm?" The ogre turned around to see Akira, Sora, Tetsu, and Mozu approaching, the Shinobiryu Masters carefully working their way through the streets behind them. Tetsu was waving a large white flag. "Oh! More humans! And… Your giant biomechanical pets?"

"More like the other way around, actually," Tricerajonin commented.

The ogre narrowed his eye as he gave them a second look-over, and then his face lit up. "Wait… Fairly attractive and fit young humans in color-coded outfits accompanied by immense mechanical companions…aha! You must be some of those "Sentai" I've heard defend this planet! Although…" He frowned, scratching his head. "Shouldn't there be five of you? Or least a blue one? I thought there was always a blue one."

"It's… It's this whole thing," Mozu said, making a face. "We'd rather not go into it."

"Hi!" Akira said brightly, flashing a bright smile at the ogre. "We're representatives from the Shinobiryu ninja clan here to parley, which is why we are approaching under a flag of truce!"

"Which is what our colleague Tetsu is carrying," Sora explained, nodding at Tetsu, who kept waving the flag. "I don't know if a white flag means the same thing in your culture as it does ours, so I hope you do not find it too patronizing for me to explain that on our world, when someone approaches you with a white flag, it means that they are either surrendering or they wish to negotiate fairly with their adversary, under a truce which means neither side will continue hostilities against the other until all parties are either satisfied or no agreement can be reached."

"I do not find it patronizing, but thank you for explaining anyway," the ogre said politely. "We have a similar custom. I assume it is too much to ask that you are surrendering?"

"We are not," Raptorjonin confirmed.

"We would like to speak to your leader," Pterajonin stated.

The ogre held himself up proudly. He seemed even larger and more imposing in person, his armor decorated with spikes, chains, skulls, and numerous medals, a standard attached to his back with the emblem of the Youkaliens, a nine-pointed star with a Fox face painted to look almost like a Y, emblazoned proudly on it. "You're looking at him! I am General Onimusha, commander of the armed forces of the Youkalien Star Hegemony!"

"And I am Tyrajonin, queen of the Shinobiryu clan," Tyrajonin replied. "While we would be perfectly happy to negotiate with you, I was sort of hoping to speak with your queen."

Onimusha perked up at this. "You are royalty? Then I am definitely unworthy to negotiate with you. I would be more than happy to call my mistress so you may speak to her face-to-face!"

He gestured to one of the Uchuhages, who handed him an ornate mirror. "Your Divinity, this is General Onimusha," he said into it. "I've been approached by some of the local royalty who wish to speak with you."

"Oh! Do they wish to surrender?" Kyukogo's voice rang from the mirror.

"They do not," Onimusha replied apologetically.

"Oh," Kyukogo replied, disappointed. "Well, still, they're the first representatives of this planet's ruling class to even bother trying to communicate with me, so I suppose I should hear them out. Point the mirror towards them, please."

Onimusha dutifully turned the mirror around, allowing them all to see the kitsune queen's face in the class. Her eyes widened in amazement when she saw the giant biomechanical dinosaurs. "Oh my… Yes, this is definitely something worth doing in person! One moment."

Her face pulled back a little, her claws appearing on the sides of the mirror. Her face suddenly shot forwards…

And Kyukogo leapt out of the mirror, landing primly on the blocks of her geta sandals, her tails flowing behind her. All the Youkaliens promptly got down on one knee and bowed their heads, while the humans couldn't help staring at her in wonder. She was even more beautiful and enthralling up close, her long hair fanning out behind her, her tails twisting and curling and leaving trails of Foxfire as they moved about, and the radiant glow shining from her body giving her an ethereal look, making her truly seem like an alien goddess that had deigned to grace their unworthy planet with her presence.

"Damn, she's pretty," Akira muttered.

"Yeah," Mozu whispered, dazed.

"Step on me!" The salaryman shouted.

Kyukogo shot him a confused look. "What? Why would I do that? That sounds like it would hurt."

"He shares the same proclivities as the Paragusians, my lady," Asteroibotchi explained.

Kyukogo screwed up her face at this. It was unfairly attractive. "Oh. Sorry, but I don't do that sort of thing."

The salaryman burst into tears.

Turning back to the Shinobiryu clan, a beaming smile once again crossed her vulpine features. "My oh my! You truly are magnificent creatures, all of you!" She cooed. "Just by looking at you, I can feel your regal souls, the pulse of a true monarch!"

Tyrajonin and Akira reflexively puffed themselves up at this.

"I can sense your courage and conviction!"

Tricerajonin smiled at this.

"Your cunning and intellect are truly self-evident!"

Pterajonin and Sora preened at this.

"You are strong, but tempered with wisdom and a deep sense of spirituality," she told Ankylojonin in awe. "And…" Her face fell when she focused on Tetsu. "You have suffered mightily, haven't you, and are still trying to heal from it? That cannot be easy. My condolences."

Tetsu blinked, startled, and then hesitantly signed, Thank you.

"He thanks you," Ankylojonin explained.

Nodding, Kyukogo continued. "You are swift, and steadfastly loyal, and beautiful besides!"

Raptorjonin and Mozu smiled at this, and nodded humbly.

"And you are lethal warriors, but you harbor deep reserves of compassion and love," Kyukogo gushed. "Especially you," she added, pointing at Mozu.

"Me?" The kunoichi stammered. "Well, yeah, I guess, yeah. I feel general, unselfish love for just about everything-"

Kyukogo shook her head. "No, romantic, sexual love."

Mozu turned very pink. "No, no I don't-"

"For her!" Kyukogo cried, pointing at Akira, who blinked.

"Wait, what?" The Tyrannosaurus ninja asked.

Mozu made a very shrill, strangled sound that could only be properly heard by dogs and other animals who could hear higher decibels, such as the Shinobiryu, and Kyukogo, who winced as her cry bombarded their eardrums.

"Oh… Wait, did she not know that?" Kyukogo asked.

"No," Akira said as she stared at Mozu, looking dazed. "No, I did not."

Mozu looked as if she was on the verge of fainting.

Pterajonin shot Tricerajonin a smug look. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine, you won the bet, I'll pay you later."

"All of you are such wonderful, adorable creatures!" Kyukogo gushed, squealing and hugging herself, pushing up her sizable breasts in the process. "You'll all make fantastic slaves!"

That statement rather killed the ninja's mood as they were reminded of why they were there. "Actually," Tyrajonin said, as everyone got serious looks on their faces, Akira decided to table the shocking revelation about Mozu's attraction to her for later, and the pink ninja somehow managed not to die from embarrassment. "We were hoping to talk to you about that."

"Oh? You're volunteering?" Kyukogo asked hopefully.

"Quite the opposite. We were hoping we could perhaps convince you to not enslave us," Tyrajonin corrected her.

Kyukogo's face fell, and then she narrowed her eyes in anger. "Oh. It would appear I've misjudged you."

Tyrajonin blinked, confused. "I'm sorry?"

"You should be," Kyukogo snapped. "It's the same story everywhere I go! When we start to invade a planet, some local politician or ruler tries to save their own skin by selling out their subjects or trying to buy me off because they think they can somehow convince me to spare them the same fate as the rest of their planet and allow them to continue living the cushy lives they've built for themselves by exploiting the people beneath them! I will tell you the same thing I told all of them, I will not show preferential treatment or favoritism just because they are in a position of power, they shall be enslaved just like everyone else, it's only fair, after all-"

"Wait, wait, you don't understand!" Akira interrupted her. "Mom isn't trying to convince you to spare our clan, but everyone."

Kyukogo blinked. "Everyone?"

Tyrajonin nodded. "Yes, everyone. As in, not enslaving anybody."

The salaryman raised his hand. "Actually, I wouldn't mind-"

Everyone shushed him.

Kyukogo blinked again, a confused look on her face. "You're asking me to not enslave anyone?"

Tyrajonin nodded. "Precisely."

Kyukogo looked even more confused. "But… That doesn't make any sense. If I don't enslave anyone, how can I say I've successfully conquered this planet? Earth can't be a part of the Hegemony if its inhabitants haven't been subjugated. That would be like me saying I've gone on a diet but continuing to eat the exact same foods in the exact same quantities as before. It would be untrue!"

"You could just… Not conquer Earth?" Sora suggested.

Kyukogo shook her head. "Oh no, I couldn't possibly do that. I promised my daughters I would give them this planet, you can't possibly expect me to go back on a promise to my little girls, can you? They would be so disappointed!"

Tyrajonin coughed awkwardly. "As a mother myself, I can understand you not wanting to break a promise to your children, but… The thing is, while I appreciate the position you are in, that doesn't change the fact that we don't want to be conquered or enslaved."

"Why not?" Kyukogo asked, sounding genuinely curious.

The ninjas were baffled at this. "Because… We… Don't?" Akira said slowly.

"Is this really a thing we need to spell out?" Wondered the baffled Mozu.

"It would appear so," Raptorjonin murmured.

"Look, I don't know how things are out in space, but on this planet, we value our freedom," Tricerajonin explained.

Pterajonin nodded. "Slavery has not existed for centuries, and while it was indeed commonplace among ancient humans, these days it is considered taboo."

"And for certain cultures or ethnicities, it has a particularly nasty stigma attached due to the horrific ways their ancestors were exploited, and even to this day, echoes of that trauma still linger, and so would react very poorly to the very suggestion of being enslaved," Ankylojonin added.

Kyukogo seemed confused by this. "But… Then why are there so many trafficking rings? Services that allow you to buy humans or other sentient species? Organizations that train or brainwash people into being slaves, often for sexual purposes, even children?"

"Most of those are considered illegal by the civilized world, and while they are indeed a problem, most people no longer find such practices acceptable," Sora explained.

"Or are sexual deviants," Mozu added. "Which, I mean, isn't to say it's necessarily a bad thing if it's a sex thing, but only if it's in a controlled setting, clear boundaries are established, everyone is a consenting adult and no children are involved…"

The Youkaliens were nodding at this. "Oh, yes, that's how we do it too," Asteroibotchi commented.

Pterajonin blinked at this. "Truly?"

Akira frowned, getting a vague suspicion. "Wait, what exactly is your people's definition of slavery-"

"Hold on," Kyukogo interjected. "You say that slavery is, by and large, outlawed and frowned upon by most of society?"

The ninjas nodded. "Correct," Ankylojonin confirmed.

"Then why do you have so many sweatshops with child laborers?" Kyukogo asked. "Horribly unsafe factories and other production facilities mass-producing consumer goods used by the affluent and more prosperous nations? Mines and refineries where output is considered more important than the lives and well-being of the workers, and no consideration is given to what will happen to the environment or local population once the resources are depleted? In this country alone, you have numerous "black" worksites where employees literally work themselves to death trying to make ends meet!"

An exhausted-looking man raised a hand. "Can confirm, I work at one of those."

"Me too," said another man. "It's getting to the point where I'm seriously considering walking in front of a truck in hopes that I'll be reincarnated in a fantasy world where I get to be an overpowered hero and get all the women like in all those manga and anime. Or die. Either option is acceptable at this point, so long as I don't have to work anymore."

The humans fidgeted uncomfortably at this. "That's… Okay, yeah, that is… Pretty bad, and a fairly damning critique of modern capitalism," Akira admitted uneasily. "But they're not. They're not slaves. Right? I mean… They get paid."

"Barely," the exhausted-looking man muttered.

"I think there are lots of ancient cultures where slaves were actually treated better than we are now," commented the man who wanted to be an isekai protagonist.

"And then you have all those institutions, even in powerful and affluent nations, which treat others as less than people because of their sex, orientation, religion, race, species…" Kyukogo continued.

"I think we get the point," Raptorjonin said testily.

"I will admit that the world as it is now could stand to be a bit better," Ankylojonin conceded. "But I do not see how being conquered and enslaved by alien invaders would make it any better."

"Oh, it would be much better!" Kyukogo insisted. "We treat our slaves much better than your society is currently treating a rather disproportionate number of your planet's underprivileged population!"

"As I'm sure you are well aware, given how many times your planet has been invaded and almost conquered or destroyed in the past, the universe is a big and dangerous place," Onimusha spoke up. "There are hundreds, thousands of hostile imperialistic civilizations constantly warring with each other and trying to snatch up as many unaligned planets possible for resources and labor."

But isn't that exactly what you're trying to do? Tetsu inquired.

"Yes," Onimusha admitted after Ankylojonin translated. "But we're a lot nicer about it."

"When we conquer a planet, we ensure that it is no longer under threat of subjugation by another civilization," Kyukogo explained. "We clean up the environment, provide universal healthcare, end poverty, hunger, and homelessness, and ensure the population can live happy, prosperous lives."

"As your slaves," Tyrajonin pointed out flatly.

"Yes," Kyukogo readily agreed.

"How exactly are they able to lead happy, prosperous lives as slaves?" Mozu asked skeptically.

"Oh, quite easily," Asteroibotchi assured them.

"In return for our protection, slaves get 48-hour work weeks, with one free day a week and plenty of breaks, depending on the job," Kyukogo explained. "The work is largely domestic in nature – cooking, cleaning, maintenance, clerical, and so on – but those with a particular aptitude can also branch out into other fields, such as medicine, science, engineering, or magic, depending on where their talents lie. Three square meals are provided a day, with plenty of scrumptious snacks or desserts and peaceful sleep untroubled by nightmares thanks to our dream-eating Youkaliens. They also get lots of incredibly comfortable warm, fuzzy cuddles, and yes, sexual intercourse is frequent, but only if it's consensual. Really, a large part of what they do is serving as companions and aides to their masters, with a bit of status symbol attached to them."

"All slaves are protected from abuse by law and by magic," Onimusha stated. "And if anyone tries to violate them, we will know and punish them instantly, no matter who they are or what their position in society."

"Even I am not above these laws, seeing as how I'm the one who made them in the first place," Kyukogo insisted. "And when slaves near the end of their natural lifecycle, they can choose to either pass on or be remade into Youkaliens."

"That's where most of us came from," one of the Uchuhage spoke up, several of his fellows nodding in agreement.

"I as well," Asteroibotchi added.

"Wait, so you used to be a slave… And now you're helping to enslave other people?" Asked an incredulous Mozu.

Asteroibotchi shrugged. "I enjoyed my past life, and see no reason not to give others similar fulfilling lives. Heck, I actually wouldn't have minded staying a slave longer, but now I can have slaves of my own so I can experience what it feels like. Even so, I still miss it sometimes… Hey, General, the next Swap Week is coming up soon, right?"

Onimusha nodded. "It is." Turning to the confused heroes, he explained, "A few times a year, we have holidays where master and slave switch places for a time, so the master can get a better appreciation for what their slaves do for them and possibly relive their past lives before becoming Youkaliens, and the slave gets a taste of what their future might be like should they choose to undergo conversion. It's actually kind of fun."

"I actually do it rather more frequently," Kyukogo confessed, looking a little embarrassed. "Sometimes, if I'm bored and don't have anything to do for the day, I disguise myself and pretend to be a slave. It's actually kind of refreshing, letting someone else make all the big decisions for a change, and makes me appreciate what I have all the more."

"… Okay, there's no way that's a thing," Akira protested in disbelief.

"Actually, in ancient Rome they had a similar holiday," Sora spoke up.

Akira gave him a surprised look. "Really?"

Sora nodded. "Yes, it was called Saturnalia."

"Huh," Akira murmured, impressed. "Go figure."

That… Doesn't actually sound that bad, a confused Tetsu signed. I mean, it's slavery, but…

Mozu nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I mean… This sounds a little too good to be true. What about the really hard labor? The mining, the factory work, and so on?"

"Why, machines, of course," Kyukogo said, as if it were obvious. "As if we would ever risk our precious slaves in dangerous situations like that! They could get hurt!"

"… Wait, if you've got machines that can do the work, then why don't you use those in place of the slaves?" A bewildered Tricerajonin asked.

Kyukogo gave him a confused look. "If we did that, then what would the slaves do?"

"You could… Not have them at all?" Pterajonin suggested.

The Youkaliens gave her blank looks. "I don't follow," Kyukogo said finally.

"Yes, what are you trying to say?" Asked a confused Onimusha.

The giant pterodactyl facewinged.

"You know, this is actually starting to sound pretty good," a schoolteacher spoke up.

The man who wanted to be an isekai protagonist nodded. "Yes, it's way better than my current job."

"I don't even have a job," a hobo complained. "I have to wrestle with raccoons for scraps of food, and they usually win! This would definitely be an improvement on the way things are now!"

Tyrajonin frowned in dismay as more and more of the captive humans started agreeing that becoming a slave might not be so bad after all. "Hold on… While all of that does sound very good-"

"Almost unbelievably so," Raptorjonin agreed suspiciously. "How do we know you are telling the truth?"

"Oh, I never lie," Kyukogo insisted, looking affronted. "It's what makes me a good politician."

"… Right," Tyrajonin said slowly, deciding just to push past that. "There's one thing I don't understand. If you Youkaliens are really this nice and friendly…" She narrowed her eyes. "Then why did you commit such horrific atrocities the last time you were here?"

Kyukogo gave her a confused look. "Last time… what are you talking about? I've never been here before."

"Maybe not you, but your people certainly have," Tricerajonin insisted.

Pterajonin nodded. "Thousands of years ago, the Youkaliens invaded Earth and tried to wipe out humanity. We Shinobiryu chose to step out of the shadows to fight them alongside our disciples, the first ninja."

"We were able to defeat them, stranding what was left of their invasion force here, who became the ancestors of modern Youkai, and we have continued to battle them ever since," Ankylojonin added.

Kyukogo looked even more confused. "What? That can't be right! My people have never been here before!"

"They most certainly have been," Raptorjonin snarled, talons twitching. "I should know. I fought them personally."

Kyukogo frowned, perplexed. "And you're certain they were Youkaliens?"

Tyrajonin nodded. "They had similar vessels, similar soldiers, a similar aesthetic…"

"And they called themselves Youkaliens," Tricerajonin added.

"That too," Tyrajonin agreed.

Kyukogo's frown deepened. "That… That doesn't make any sense… General, have you heard anything about this?"

Onimusha shook his head. "No, my lady. This is the first time I'm hearing of it as well."

Kyukogo's tails swished behind her furiously. "Something doesn't smell right…" With a flick of her wrist, a hand mirror was in her grasp. Looking into it, she said, "Magistrate Shinza, have any of our people tried to invade this planet before?"

"No, Your Divinity," a thin, reedy voice answered her. "According to our records, we are the first of our people to ever visit this planet. However…"

"Yes?" Kyukogo inquired.

"This planet's historical and mythological databases are full of stories regarding creatures similar to us, though rather more vicious. Given how well-documented many of these stories are, complete with images and videos of such creatures battling against humans, it is evident that these creatures truly exist, though what connection they have to us, if any, is a mystery."

Asteroibotchi scratched his head in puzzlement. "Wait… So they've got creatures like us here, but we've never been here before? How is that possible?"

"Convergent evolution?" Onimusha suggested. "That happens sometimes."

"Perhaps, but to this extent?" Kyukogo murmured as she tapped her chin, clearly dissatisfied with his explanation.

"You really have no idea?" Akira asked, bewildered. Any thoughts of this being some sort of trick had long since been banished, the confusion among the Youkalien ranks was far too genuine.

Kyukogo shook her head. "No, I can't see any way it could possibly-"

Onimusha snapped his fingers. "Wait! Your Divinity, what if it were some of the exiles?"

Kyukogo gasped, eyes lighting up at this possibility. "Yes, of course! That explains everything!"

Exiles? Tetsu signed, bewildered as everyone else.

"We Youkaliens draw strength from the emotions of the species we have subjugated," Kyukogo explained. "For most of our history, we fed on fear, despair, sorrow… You know, the usual go-to emotions most conquerors feed off of, since it doesn't take much effort to elicit them in your slaves."

The Shinobiryu nodded slowly. "That does sound rather like the Youkaliens we fought against, as well as their descendants," Pterajonin commented.

"However, when I took the throne, I decided to put a change to all that," Kyukogo continued.

"Because you realized it was wrong?" Mozu asked.

"Partly, but mainly it's because negative emotions give me indigestion," Kyukogo admitted. "I literally cannot stomach the suffering of others. So, I decided to transform our hegemony from ruthless, cruel despots, to friendly, benign overlords, so we would be able to harvest much more palatable positive emotions from a populace that was more than happy to serve us."

Akira blinked. "Wait, so you're saying that pretty much the only reason you aren't the same as every other generic evil space Empire out there… Is because you're allergic to being bad?!"

"Basically, yes," Kyukogo agreed. "Which isn't to say that I'm pretending to be nice or anything like that. Turns out part of the reason we were such a nasty bunch back in the day was because we fed on nothing but negative emotions; by eating mainly positive emotions now, we've genuinely become a much happier, friendlier species."

"… Hrmm. I suppose that's one way to achieve enlightenment," murmured a befuddled Ankylojonin.

"You couldn't just harvestpositive emotions without enslaving people?" Sora asked skeptically.

Kyukogo shook her head. "No, we tried that. Part of the complicated magic that's intrinsic with our biology means we get a higher yield from people who are enslaved to us then from those that aren't, and we simply can't feed off of ourselves. We have to conquer planets to keep from starving."

"Which, I suppose, is another reason you seek to subjugate the Earth?" Pterajonin intuited.

Kyukogo spread her hands. "It's not as if failing to dominate this world means we'll starve – we've got plenty of planets in the Hegemony chock-full of slaves more than happy to feed us – but… Every little bit helps, you know?"

"That still doesn't explain the actions of your predecessors," Raptorjonin spoke up as Pterajonin and the others mulled this over. "Are you saying they were before your time?"

Kyukogo shook her head. "No, if they were, we would have a record of it. Plus, I took the throne hundreds of thousands of your years ago. The only way this makes sense is if they were from one of the rebel factions that opposed the rather sudden change in policy."

"Rebel factions?" Tetsu signed.

Kyukogo nodded. "As the Hegemon, God-Empress and bearer of the Divine Mandate, my word is law, and our civilization shapes itself to match my vision. While the majority of our population immediately agreed to the change in direction I envisioned for our future, a number of powerful nobles and conservatives were furious at me for flying in the face of eons of Youkalien tradition and the legacy of my forbearers and attempted to have me removed from office. The ensuing civil war was quick but bloody, and while most of the ringleaders were executed, some of them managed to flee Hegemony space with their followers and were never heard from again. It is highly likely that the group which attacked your planet in the distant past may have been among their number. As such, I must formally apologize for the horrors they may have visited upon you, for I am indirectly responsible for allowing them to roam free this long."

She humbly bowed to Tyrajonin, and the Tyrannosaurus bowed her head in return. "I thank you for that."

"I also promise that we shall do our part to locate the descendants of the renegades and do our best to rehabilitate them," Kyukogo vowed. "I owe it to them, and to you, for all the trouble they have caused you."

"That is most appreciated," Raptorjonin said.

"I don't suppose that you'd also be willing to just leave us alone once they've been dealt with?" Akira asked. "You know, as a further apology?"

"No," Kyukogo said flatly.

Akira shrugged. "Oh well, worth a try."

"So there is no way we can convince you to leave Earth in peace?" Ankylojonin asked, sounding disappointed.

Kyukogo shook her head. "Is there any way to convince you to surrender and submit to my authority?"

"There is not," Pterajonin confirmed.

Sora nodded. "We are sworn to protect this world, and while you are… Not quite the threat we expected, you still seek to conquer this planet and enslave its people, and we cannot allow you to do that, no matter how benevolent you claim you will be."

"He doesn't speak for all of us!" One of the people in the crowd shouted.

"I would very much not mind being enslaved, and not for sexual reasons, like that freak!" Someone else called, nodding at the salaryman.

"Hey!" The salaryman protested.

"I also wouldn't mind being enslaved, and while I will admit I would probably take some degree of sexual pleasure from it, it still would not be to the same extent as that guy!" Another person cried.

The salaryman threw his hands up in exasperation. "Would you people stop singling me out?!"

"Guys, could you cut that out?" Mozu asked in exasperation. "We're trying to save you here!"

"Well, maybe we don't want to be saved!" A hobo shouted.

"Yeah, all you're doing is trying to prop up the broken status quo instead of using your amazing powers to affect actual, meaningful change!" A college student pointed out.

"All guys like you do is cause massive property damage and not even bother cleaning up afterwards!" Someone yelled. "Do you have any idea how high insurance premiums are these days?! My apartment got blown up during the latest giant monster battle! That's the sixth time this year!"

Another hobo nodded. "Yeah, why do you think I'm out on the street in the first place?"

Tetsu frowned, a troubled look on his face. Are we… are we the bad guys?

"We absolutely are not," Akira said firmly. "Though… Yeah, maybe we could be doing more to fix a society that's apparently messed up enough that a nonzero percentage of the population thinks being enslaved by an invading alien dictator is better than their current life."

"What can we do, though?" Sora wondered. "Our skills lie in ninjutsu and killing monsters, not revamping society on a global scale to bring equity to all."

"Don't worry, we'll do that for you," Kyukogo promised.

"You're going to enslave everyone!" Raptorjonin protested.

Kyukogo nodded. "Yes, and we will treat them all exactly the same, with the same level of love and respect they deserve."

"Is it crazy that she's starting to sound really compelling?" A disturbed Tricerajonin wondered.

"Look," Tyrajonin said loudly, attempting to regain control of the discussion. "We appreciate that you believe that you will be doing the world a favor by taking it over, but we cannot allow you to do it. Yes, maybe the world is broken, and there is more that can be done to change it. But it's still ours, and as people of Earth, it is our responsibility to change it, not rely on colonizers from space. If you insist on continuing to invade, then we have no choice but to oppose you with force."

Kyukogo sighed, looking disappointed. "I was afraid you'd say that. It always goes like this…"

She shook her head, her fine jewelry catching the light. "Very well. If it is to be war, then war you shall have. However, I would ask one favor of you."

Tyrajonin frowned. "What sort of favor?"

"As I said before, I find bloodshed and killing abhorrent," the Hegemon explained. "Not only does it make me feel ill, but every death either means saying farewell to a faithful and loyal friend, or the loss of an adorable potential slave. As such, we strive to minimize casualties during our conquests, hence the usage of teleportation knives, warp meteors, and similar enchantments or weaponry. So, just as we promise to try our best not to kill you or any of the people of Earth, I respectfully ask you to try your best not to kill any of us as well."

The Shinobiryu and ninja considered this. "I'm not sure we can promise that," Akira said slowly. "We've been trained in the killing arts. And in battle… Well, things happen."

"I understand that, but I would appreciate it if you at least tried," Kyukogo insisted. "We will do our best not to kill any of you. Is it too much to ask that you return the favor?"

They considered this for a bit longer. "That does seem… Honorable," Ankylojonin admitted reluctantly.

"I guess we can try," Mozu agreed.

Tetsu scowled, the memory of red eyes flashing through his memory. But if any of your warriors start trying to kill innocent people, we WILL take them out.

"If any of my warriors start trying to kill innocent people, you have my blessing to do so," Kyukogo said grimly. "That sort of behavior is NOT tolerated in my Hegemony."

"What exactly are the defeat conditions for this war?" Tyrajonin asked. "If neither of us try to kill each other, it could go on for quite some time."

"Well, seeing as how this is your planet, and you have had a great deal of experience fending off invaders in the past… How does this sort of thing usually go?" Kyukogo asked.

Sora adjusted his glasses. "Well, the standard pattern is for whatever antagonistic force is currently threatening the Earth to send out a single monster accompanied by a variable number of foot soldiers to try and defeat the heroes and/or take over the world on roughly a weekly basis, occasionally accompanied by an enemy commander to make things more challenging for the heroes."

Onimusha frowned, perplexed. "Just one warrior? That doesn't sound like good strategy. Why not send everyone out at once?"

Sora shrugged. "Sometimes there's justification for it, like the villains don't have enough resources to send more than one monster at a time, but most the time it's just… That's how it is."

"I see…" Kyukogo murmured, tapping her chin in thought. "All right, if that's how it's done, I see no reason to break from tradition."

"Your Divinity?" Onimusha asked in surprise.

Kyukogo chuckled and waved him off. "Relax, general, this could be fun! And besides, it will prove an entertaining show for my daughters."

"Oh, well, if it's for the princesses," Onimusha immediately backed down, bowing his head.

Kyukogo glanced at the Shinobiryu clan. "How about this? In a little under one of your years, it will be time for my daughters' birthday. Every week until then, I shall dispatch one of my Youkalien Warriors to try and defeat you in a variety of challenges – not all of which are related to combat – take over the world, and/or capture as many slaves as possible. You, in turn, shall try to stop them. For every challenge you complete, battle you win and human you prevent us from taking you shall receive points. For every challenge we complete, battle wewin, and human we enslave, we shall receive points. At the end of the year, we will tally up the score, and whoever has the most points wins."

"How are we to determine point values? Who will be in charge of keeping score?" Pterajonin queried.

Kyukogo contemplated this. "Well, I would suggest my chief magistrate, but I'm sure you would accuse him of having a bias, even though I assure you he's very impartial."

"Just as you might argue the same of anyone we put forward," Tricerajonin admitted.

"What if both of us choose someone trustworthy?" Ankylojonin suggested. "The Youkaliens may use one of their magistrates, and we can use… let's see… Bix?"

The rest of the clan nodded. "Yes, Bix will do perfectly," Raptorjonin agreed.

"So what are the stakes?" Akira asked Kyukogo.

"If you win, we will acknowledge your strength and leave you in peace, never to return," the Hegemon promised.

"And release all of the slaves you've taken in the interim?" Tyrajonin prompted.

Kyukogo frowned. "What? No, of course not. I can't leave empty-handed, my girls will be so disappointed if we spend a whole year here and have nothing to show for it! And besides, I have explained to you why we need slaves!"

"Yes, but you said yourself that you already have plenty of slave planets, you don't really need that many humans," Tricerajonin reminded her.

"Yes, but they're so cute!" Kyukogo protested. "Surely you can't expect me to give up all of them!"

"That is exactly what we are expecting," Pterajonin said curtly.

"Perhaps I can suggest a compromise?" Asteroibotchi spoke up, surprising everyone. "Honored Shinobiryu, you've already heard how several of these humans consider a life of servitude preferable to how things are now. What if we were to only release the humans who want to be freed, but we keep all the ones who want to stay with us?"

Raptorjonin frowned. "I… Suppose that is a workable alternative…"

Kyukogo made a face but nodded. "I suppose some slaves is better than none. Very well, if you win, we will free all the slaves who wish to go home, though I think you'll find that by the time our little game is over, there will be fewer of those who want to leave than you might think."

"We shall see," Ankylojonin replied, swishing his tail.

"And if you win?" Akira asked.

"Then you and any of your allies will stand down and surrender directly to me," Kyukogo stated. "No fighting, no resistance, no insurrection. The Earth and everyone on it will belong to the Youkaliens into perpetuity. You will acknowledge my daughters as your new rulers and join the ranks of the personal slaves of the royal family, without question or complaint.

"In addition," she continued. "If any of my servants successfully conquer the world before the year is up, then it is an instant win condition for us, as is if we manage to locate and seize your base of operations, or successfully enslave the lot of you. However, if you should manage to infiltrate and seize control of the Star Fortress Orochimecha and/or defeat the royal family, it is an instant win condition for you. That will make things a bit more challenging for both of us, I think."

Onimusha frowned. "Your Divinity, are you certain about this? These are far more generous terms than we usually offer."

"Yes, but something about these champions intrigues me," Kyukogo told him. "I'm curious to see what they can do, if pushed to the limit. Besides, I'm relatively confident we can defeat them in less than a year… And if I'm wrong, at least it will have been a memorable experience for all of us." Glancing back at Earth's defenders, she smiled and asked, "So, are these terms acceptable to you?"

Tyrajonin frowned and glanced at her colleagues, daughter, and subordinate ninjas. "What do you all think?"

"It's certainly a better deal than her predecessors offered," Pterajonin pointed out.

"It seems rather risky, though. If we can't beat her within a year, or if she should somehow manage to locate and take control of the valley…" Tricerajonin murmured.

"Yeah, but we have a chance too," Akira pointed out. "We're ninjas! We should be able to sneak into some giant space fortress. Heck, that's what your exam was about, right, Mozu? It should be child's play for you!"

Mozu blushed. "Well, if you think I can do it, Akira-Chan…"

"Mozu, you cheated-" Raptorjonin reminded her.

"YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT!"

"It does seem rather risky, but… If we accept, she'll adhere to the standard "monster of the week" format, which would be much more manageable than a full-out invasion and dealing with every warrior they have at once, as well as giving us fewer innocent people to try and save," Sora pointed out. "And with weekly battles, that gives us more time to figure out how to infiltrate her fortress and take her down, as well as more time to reinforce our own defenses and safeguards to keep them from finding our base."

Normally, I would say we can't trust her, Tetsu signed. After what happened to me, I don't trust any Youkai. But… Even I think she's probably on the level.

"I am not comfortable with the idea of using human lives as points in some game," Ankylojonin mused. "However… If this is truly the best way for us to resolve this conflict with minimal bloodshed, I feel we are obligated to take it."

Raptorjonin bowed her head. "As always, I defer to you, my Queen. The raptor tribe has always served as the hidden claw of the Shinobiryu clan, the most loyal and deadly assassins of an organization already comprised of loyal and deadly assassins. Whatever your choice, I shall back it completely."

Tyrajonin nodded slowly. "Then we are in accord. We shall accept her challenge."

The other Shinobiryu and ninjas nodded in agreement.

"It is decided. We will accept your challenge," Tyrajonin addressed Kyukogo.

"Wonderful!" She cried in delight. "And I promise, once this is over, you will spend the rest of your lives in splendor and bliss as the royal family's personal slaves, and be among those who have the honor to be cuddled personally by me and experience the full glory of my floofiness. All other slaves shall defer to you, and you shall want for nothing for the rest of your days. In no time at all, you'll wonder why you tried so hard to resist us in the first place!"

"That's assuming you win," Tricerajonin pointed out.

Kyukogo shrugged. "We've never lost yet."

"We repelled the first incursion by your people, and we can do so again," Raptorjonin insisted.

"The ones you fought were exiles, outlaws, the bottom of the barrel," Onimusha bragged. "In the thousands of years since the Hegemon has taken the throne, we have grown stronger by leaps and bounds! You would do well not to underestimate us."

"And you would do well not to underestimate us," Akira retorted.

Tetsu nodded in agreement. Every would-be conquer who's come before you has, and all of them paid for it.

"A fair point," Kyukogo conceded. "We shall try not to underestimate you." She extended her hand. "So, shall we shake on it, and seal the pact?"

"Certainly," Tyrajonin said. "Just one more thing." She glanced at the crowd of humans behind Kyukogo. "I would ask that you release these humans you have gathered, as well as the ones whom you've already captured. Since we have only just now agreed on the terms of engagement, it would be unfair for them to count towards your score."

"Since we have only just now agreed on the terms of engagement, it is equally unfair for you to demand we free them, since neither you or any of the rest of this planet's heroes were here to stop us from capturing them in the first place," Kyukogo argued. "However, I agree that it is unfair for them to count towards our total, so they shall not. I will, however, allow any of these humans here who wish to go free do so, but any who wish to remain with us, shall. Is this agreeable?"

Tyrajonin frowned, but reluctantly nodded. "Not entirely, but I suppose it's better than nothing. Very well."

Kyukogo nodded at the Uchuhage, and some of them reluctantly parted to create an opening for the humans to go. "Go on. All of you who wish to may leave."

Many of the captives immediately surged for the opening, grateful for the chance to flee. Several – far more than the Shinobiryu clan had hoped – didn't move. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Akira asked them with a frown.

A streetwalker shrugged. "If I leave, all I've got waiting for me is a shitty apartment, way too much debt, an abusive pimp, and clients who treat me as nothing more than a fuck toy. At least this way, I'll be somewhere safe, and these marshmallows can't possibly treat me worse than most of my Johns."

A hobo shook his head. "I have nothing. Literally nothing. I'm probably going to be dead on a year if I go back to the streets. If it puts a roof over my head and food in my belly, I don't give a crap what I have to do in exchange."

"It really sounds better than my current job, which is a rather damning critique of Japanese corporate culture, honestly," the man who wanted to be an isekai protagonist said wearily.

Sora frowned "… I cannot help but feel as if, somewhere along the line, we've failed the people we're supposed to be protecting."

"It is our job to defend the world, not change it," Mozu pointed out, though she also looked uncomfortable.

Maybe it should be, Tetsu signed, a little angry.

"Shall we shake on it, then?" Kyukogo asked, once more extending her hand.

Tyrajonin nodded. "Certainly. However, seeing as how I am a bit impaired…" She waggled her tiny forearms awkwardly. "I nominate my daughter to shake your hand in my stead. As the next-in-line for the throne, her word is as good as mine. Is that all right with you, dear?"

Akira nodded. "Sure thing, mom!"

Onimusha frowned. "By the way, I didn't mean to presume, but… Are you…"

"Yes, I'm adopted," Akira replied.

"Several years ago, a plane crashed near where we live, and she was the only survivor," Tyrajonin explained. "I took her in and raised her as my own flesh and blood, naming her my heir."

"I fully intend to become a tyrannosaurus like herself when I get older, I just… Haven't exactly figured out how yet," Akira admitted sheepishly.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck in that endeavor," Kyukogo told her sincerely. She offered her hand. "Now, shall we seal the pact?"

"Sure." Akira came forward, extending her hand…

And paused, a sudden shift in the breeze carrying a certain odor past her nose. She frowned, nostrils flaring. That smell… She knew that smell, but what could it possibly be doing-

She stiffened, her heightened senses immediately focusing on a rather overweight and unattractive nun passing through the gap of Uchuhage. "What… What are you-"

Realizing they'd been made, the woman of the cloth cast off her habit in a burst of Triceratops dinpo, revealing-

"BAKANO TRIKOOOO!" The ninja shouted, hurling a smoke bomb at the ground and causing a massive cloud of noxious, foul-smelling fog to fill the air.

Everyone promptly started coughing and choking, eyes watering. "Oh Gaim, I can taste it!" Mozu cried.

"You think you have it bad, at least you only have a human nose!" Akira moaned, covering her own nostrils.

"Akira, sweetie, I love you but I can assure you whatever you're smelling isn't half as bad as what I am," Tyrajonin gagged, very queasy.

"Of course he would screw up the smoke bomb recipe, because heavens forbid he does anything right!" Raptorjonin shouted, flailing about blindly.

"Where is he? Where did he go?!" Asteroibotchi cried, squinting as he tried to see through the smoke.

"Shinobiryu clan! If this is some trick, I promise you-" Onimusha snarled.

"It's no trick! He is a member of the clan – barely – but we had nothing to do with this!" Sora insisted.

"Bakano!" Tricerajonin bellowed. "Bakano, where are you?"

Kyukogo hacked and coughed, nearly collapsing. It would take less than a fraction of her power to clear the smoke away, but her sensitive nose was so filled up by the foul stench she was barely able to concentrate.

A shadow appeared in the smoke. "Please… Help…" She wheezed, her vision wavering.

"I'll help you all right," Bakano leered through his facemask. "To your doom! Sick senpai tyrannosaurus!"

Kyukogo blinked. "I don't think that's how the saying goes-"

"SHUT UP!" Bakano snapped, drawing his sword and thrusting it forward.

There was the sound of steel piercing flesh, and the Hegemon's scream echoed throughout the city.