A/N: Hello everyone. After the extreme smut from the last chapter, this installment will try to dig deeper into the complicated relationship between our two favorite youkai.

Thank you for the wonderful reviews (Freakonomist, AmorPorSiempre, Laylay lives).

Part 5: Grey, time (part one)

Youkai did not talk of feelings, particularly not love. They felt such nonsensical talk to be best suited for humans. Lust was something they understood though. Kagura had learned that lesson many winters ago not long after she had regained use of her body. She had spent two weeks with a handsome bear youkai locked up in his cave. She had not known much of what occurred between lovers, but he had been more than eager to teach her. They had come together in a frenzy of sexual exploration. This had been pure pleasurable satisfying of lustful urges. Over the past decades she had sated her needs by taking a few lovers along her travels, but none had satisfied beyond her lust. None had been able to make her heart flutter, or her mind think of anything beyond their coupling.

Things had been different with Sesshoumaru though. There had been a note of unexpected tenderness. She thought that they had made love, not just had sex. He was not a human male, so she did not expect romance and long talks under the moonlight from him, but he had been tender, attentive and kind, in his own efficient way and that was enough. In fact, that was more than anyone had ever given her. This had made her feelings for him more complicated, but clearly she was the only one to have felt that way. The fact that he left her in the dead of night after sharing such a soul-wrenching moment had cured her of any notion that there could ever be more than lust between them. Like a foolish human girl while she had let herself spin ideas of building a relationship with him, the man had just been thinking of trying to impregnate her and continue his quest or whatever kept him busy.

Wouldn't he be disappointed to know his efforts had been for naught?

Usually when winter approached Kagura traveled North to meet the incoming freezing winds, but this time she had stuck around Musahi in the hopes of running into Seshoumaru. She would be damned if she went to him or called him to her. If he wanted to know if she was indeed pregnant, then he would have to come find her first. Well, he was sure to be disappointed on that end.

A few weeks after their joining she had felt the tell-tale lower stomach cramps and knew then that things had not worked out. She had been surprised and sad as she had expected getting pregnant would be easy. The slayer and the monk managed to do it easily enough regularly. She did wonder if something was wrong with her body. After all it was doubtful that Naraku had concerned himself about fertility when he had crafted the body her soul inhabited. She refused to dwell on such negative thoughts. Besides, maybe there was nothing wrong with her, and it was an inu youkai thing. It had taken Kagome and Inuyasha many years to conceive their daughter after all. Kagura hoped she would not have to wait that long. The level of her disappointment had been an indication of how much she had really wanted the baby. What if that dream never came to be? No negative thoughts, she reminded herself. It was much more productive to focus her energy on her current project: rehabilitating her new home.

In the past two months she had made her own the abandoned house where she and Sesshoumaru had come together. After a deep clean and a small remodel, she had brought utensils, food and fragrant tea she had blended herself. Sesshoumaru had told her she could use the space, and baby or no baby, she intended to do just that. Secluded, quiet. Situated in the dog demon's domain while located close to Inuyasha's village. The house was in the perfect spot. It still looked shabby though and she would have to figure out how to fix the damaged roof before it started snowing, but it was at least much more comfortable now. She still intended to travel around, but it was a comforting thought to know she had a place she could always come back to. A place to call her own.

Making the house livable turned out to be harder than expected. For weeks now she had pushed to the back of her mind all thoughts of the infuriating inu youkai to solely focus on ferrying stuff from her various hiding spots to her new house. In the past decade she had accumulated a trove of little treasures and souvenirs, but without a place to keep them all, she'd strewn them all over the lands as she traveled around. Now that she had a place to safeguard them, it was high time she fetched all her belongings.

The constant travels and the hard work had kept her so busy that she had been unable to spar with Kohaku as regularly as she would have liked to. In fact, now that she thought about it, it had been close to a month since she had last been to the village. A visit was long overdue. Maybe, just maybe she'd run into Sesshoumaru and that was something to look forward to.

Moroha and Hiroyuki were playing a game with Sango and Miroku's younger kids that involved running all around the village. Inuyasha and Kagome had named their little adopted hanyou 'widespread happiness'. A name much more fitting than 'cursed child' in Kagura's opinion. The wind sorceress was glad to see the kid fit perfectly in their family. Shocker what some attention and love could do. His head thrown back, sharp laughter escaping his throat, he followed his older sister close. Despite their younger age, the two little hanyous were the heads of the pack of running kids. Kagura did not know what they were playing, nor did she want to know as the last thing she wanted was to be sucked in their game. She was more than content observing them from afar. Just because she wanted her own kid, did not mean her heart had gone soft over other people's brats. Shippou, in his pink balloon form was trailing behind the gaggle of laughing kids. Hisui, Sango and Miroku's teenaged son looked on, pretending to be bored and annoyed even if he was actively helping the kitsune keep an eye on the kids. Kagura was surprised not to see Rin. Usually, the young human would just as Shippou and Hisui have found a way to look after the kids while getting involved in their game.

Intrigued, the wind sorceress went in search of her. She found the young woman sitting on the ground by the old miko's house with her knees up to her chest and silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Yo!"

Rin looked up, tried to muster a smile but broke down in more tears.

Shit. Dealing with crying humans was not Kagura's forte. Since she could see no injury, she figured the reason for her pain must be emotional. Her first instinct was to go find Kagome, but she fought it. This was Rin and she liked the girl, so she might as well see what provoked such a breakdown.

"What's wrong?" With a twirl of her finger Kagura used wind to flicker Rin's tears away.

"Sango-sama and Miroku-sama announced they plan on moving to the demon slayer village next spring."

Oh, well that was to be expected, Sango had always said her dream was to rebuild the demon slayer tribe. That was why she trained her kids to be fighters just like her.

"You'll still be able to see them and their kids often." The wind sorceress knew that even for a human the distance between the two villages wasn't so far. Besides Rin was used to roughing it up on the road from her time as part of Sesshoumaru's pack.

"But I won't be able to see Kohaku when I want anymore. Who will look after him? He let a serpent slash his face last month. I helped him get away with just a scar."

Kagura flicked her fan open to hide her smirk. She had talked about Sango, Miroku and the kids just to mess with Rin. She knew exactly who could cause such anguish in the young human.

"I agree that the foolish boy could use your help." She closed and opened her fan for dramatic effect. "Well, the surest way to be able to see him every day would be to marry him, no? Isn't that what humans your age do? Unless you want him to find someone else."

"Of course, I want to marry him, but he hasn't asked!" Rin shot back. How unusually snappish. It was refreshing to see this side of the young woman. She quite liked this new Rin.

"Why don't you go ask him then?" Kagura retorted.

She knew Kohaku was so focused on the foolish notion of needing to prove himself worthy of Rin in the eyes of Sesshoumaru that he was leaving things in suspense for the only person whose opinion actually mattered: Rin. For a while now, the wind sorceress had tried to give him a push in the right direction, but the boy was too dense to get her hints. No matter, she would try things the other way around and get Rin to act.

Rin's head snapped up. She wiped the last of her tears. Without speaking a word, the young woman sprung to her feet and ran away, if the look of determination in her eyes was any indication, she was probably going in search of Kohaku.

The amused Kagura followed the young human's trail all the way to the main road of the village. There she found Rin and Kohaku hugging tightly. Clearly, the former had wasted no time proposing and the latter had accepted. Kagura noticed Kohaku did indeed sport a nasty fresh scar on the bridge of his nose. She would need to train the fool harder. How could he let a stupid reptile get the best of him?

"Wind sorceress."

Kagura's heart pounded. She turned around and came face to face with the man who had plagued her mind for months. She took him in. Something looked off, but she did not take enough time to dwell on it.

"Sesshoumaru."

She was proud to see that her voice did not tremble.

"Sesshoumaru-sama smelled Rin's tears on the wind. Did you do anything to her?"

Kagura rolled her eyes. The green toad did not deserve an answer. She was about to put him back in his place, but was saved when the engaged couple spotted them and walked over.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin shouted in joy. "I am getting married."

Kohaku bowed low in front of his one-time guardian. "Sesshoumaru-sama I promise to care for Rin and give my life to protect her. Please give our union your blessing."

"Does this please you Rin?"

"Yes Sesshoumaru-sama." She smiled smugly. "I proposed to him."

If he was shocked by this unusual news, the inu youkai did not show it.

"You will provide her a fitting home and make it possible for her to continue to practice her trade."

Rin had been studying with Kaede, Kagome and some hanyou named Jinenji and as a result had become quite the proficient healer. It would be a shame for her not to use her years of training indeed. Well, considering she was marrying into the youkai slayer tribe, odds were that Rin's talents would come in handy when it came to her in-laws.

Kohaku raised his head. "I promise milord."

Said Lord nodded at the soon to be wed couple then took to the skies.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, wait for me." Jaken quickly grabbed the end of his master's fur lest he be left behind.

Kagura was pissed to see that Sesshoumaru did not even spare her a glance before taking his leave. Asshole.

"Keh! Did the cocky bastard leave already?" Inuyasha jumped in front of them, Moroha and Hiroyuki were both clutched to his back. The mass of small arms wrapped around his neck did not seem to bother the hanyou.

"Sesshoumaru-sama must have been in a hurry because he barely had time to talk to us." Rin's smile was still plastered on her face, but all could tell she was disappointed not to have been able to spend more time with her father figure.

"He probably stopped by on his way to find a place to go hide and lick his wounds."

"Lick his wounds?" Rin echoed. Her smile falling off her face.

"Don't worry though, he's tough, he'll be fine." Inuyasha rocked, sending his two giggling kids bouncing.

"Higher Papa!" Moroha shouted.

"More Papa!" Hiroyuki agreed enthusiastically.

"Come on pups." He bounced higher to their squealing delight. "Let's go find your Mama. She'll be mad at us if she's the last one to find out about the upcoming wedding."

Rin blushed red. "Kohaku, we should probably go tell your sister as well."

The goofy smile etched on the young man's lips let Kagura think that he would do just about anything Rin would ask of him. Love could turn humans into such fools.

Well, Kagura's work was done here. She had no intention to stick around to partake in the celebration of the young couple's upcoming nuptials. She might stop by in a few weeks when they scheduled their ceremony. Besides, she could admit to herself that her mind was focused elsewhere. Sesshoumaru was injured. She now understood why she had thought he looked odd. He had draped his fur differently to hide his injury. She was mad at him, but the thought about him being hurt worried her. She shed her corporal form and flew away on the wind. Her element would tell her where to find him.

Following Sesshoumaru's trail, Kagura was a bit surprised to find herself back at her house. She took back her bodily form and stepped inside. There she found him, standing in the middle of the main hall. His eyes traveled around, taking in the additions she had brought along. She knew that technically the house belonged to him, but she had made it her own and having him here without her invitation felt like an invasion.

"Did you want something?"

"This one came to see if you were pregnant."

As blunt as ever.

"Nope, it didn't work. Guess we'll have to try again." Despite how vexed she was, she did look forward to that prospect. "We could do it now, I guess, but Inuyasha told us you're injured."

His eyes narrowed. "The hanyou should know by now to only speak of what concerns him."

Had she prickled his manly pride in questioning his physical condition? Good. The asshole deserved it. He had disappeared for two months.

"So, what happened to you?"

He chose not to answer, preferring to walk over to have a closer look at a small pile of wood carvings and silk paintings she had placed against the wall. She had not decided where she was going to place each piece yet, but she had time to get things just right. She had amassed quite a lot of souvenirs from her travels, and each deserved a prized spot.

While he was busy inspecting her little treasures, she inched close to him to lift his fur. She knew he must have heard her approach, but he did not turn around to prevent her from getting closer. As she had expected, he had artfully draped his boa to hide that a chunk of his right arm was missing. The bleeding had stopped, but the skin had not knitted itself back together, it would take some time before he regained full use of his sword arm.

"That looks nasty." It seemed some creature had taken a bite out of his arm, leaving a mass of mangled skin behind.

"It will heal."

That she was sure of. The man had managed to somehow regrow an arm, but still it had to hurt. Would he accept her help though? He was too stubborn for his own good. Well, he had once praised her for being cunning. Guess she'd have to trick him into accepting it.

"Well, this has been a fun conversation. I was about to go take a bath before you stopped by uninvited. So, bye."

On her way out she did snatch a small pouch of ointment Rin had insisted on giving her months ago.

Her back flat against a boulder, Kagura was sitting in the natural pool by her house, the water coming up to her shoulders. She had been soaking for a long while, but still no hint of Sesshoumaru. The water was cooling as the sun set, but she'd called a warm wind over to ward off the chill. Still night would fall soon and she had no intention of staying in the water until it did.

She had expected him to follow close, but maybe she had miscalculated, and he was not as eager for them to see each other as she had anticipated. Just as she started to wonder how she was going to manage to lure him out without seeming desperate, she heard footsteps approaching.

Sesshoumaru removed his weapons, armor and clothes and carefully placed them on a rock well away from the water's edge. Just as their first night together, Kagura enjoyed the show, but the lack of clothes and fur made his wound all the more visible, and it looked worse than she had first thought.

He walked over to the deeper part of the pool and sat next to her. He mirrored her posture and pressed his back against the boulder. Now what. The infuriating man expected her to make the first move, fine. She grabbed his arm and after cleaning it with water applied the healing ointment she had brought along. He probably didn't like it, but he still let her do it.

"How did you let someone take a bite out of you?"

"A cowardly pack of panthers attacked this one from behind."

She frowned. She had never been a fan of felines. She was more of a dog person.

"I hope you made them pay." The corner of his upper lip curled, revealing a fang.

"Good." She dabbed more ointment to the jagged edge of the wound. "Rin made this. She swears it works on youkai, but I haven't used it yet. I do try to avoid getting hurt." Satisfied with her nursing, she placed the pouch back on the rock behind them.

Any other time they had been alone they had been busy negotiating or attempting to make a child, but this time, for the first time, they were alone together in a quiet space. She expected it to be awkward, but it was not. His silent presence felt nice.

"Talking about Rin. It must feel weird to you to see her getting married." She finally told him after a long while spent in compassionate silence.

"It is a natural part of life for humans." His tone of voice might have been even, but Kagura had learned how to read him, she could see the glint in his eyes, and knew he was not as indifferent as he wanted to appear. Stupid dog demons who could not admit to having actual feelings.

"Well, at least Kohaku is a good man. They're well suited."

He turned around to look at her curiously. "Why do you care?"

She shrugged. "I like those kids. I've always been fond of Kohaku. We've been through some shit together." Death, horror, pain. At one time they'd both been prisoners, mere puppets for Naraku to toy with, unwilling participants in the hanyou's web of terror.

"You almost lost your life for the boy."

Kagura groaned "Don't parrot those stupid idiotic humans." It still amazed her how much Kohaku's family cared for her because they considered her his savior. "I protected him sure, but I had no intention of sacrificing myself for him. That type of selflessness is not in my blood despite what your brother's friends might believe. I might have played my cards differently had I known what awaited me."

Thinking about the day in the field of flowers felt like a stone lodged in her stomach. The pain, the fear, the rage, and the hopelessness. Naraku had bested her in the end. To be given her heart back only to be torn apart and pumped full of foul miasma in the next heartbeat was the ultimate loss. Still, whenever she thought back to that day, she could not help but think about the man who had helped make all the pain and suffering bearable.

"Why did you come? That day." She finally asked the question she had been dying to ask for over a decade.

They both knew what day she was referring to.

He took his time, breathed deep. "My reasons are my own."

A faint smile stretched her lips. She had not expected him to speak so freely. She'd have to dig a bit deeper. She had learned quite a bit about him in the past decade, and she intended to make full use of it to get to the bottom of the mysterious bonds that linked them.

"Inuyasha told me how you lost Toukijin." She'd been amazed to find out Sesshoumaru had fought so hard for her honor, for her memory after she was gone. He had almost died defending her. "And how you got your arm back."

"The hanyou should only speak of what concerns him." He grumbled once again the words he had said earlier. "The next time I see him, I will be sure to remind him of that."

"Fine, then why don't you tell me your version of events?"

His eye color wavered between gold and amber and finally settled on steel gold. After a long silence he finally answered. "You are a warrior with determination and strength. A foolish being such as Moryoumaru should have known better than to disparage that. Your will, your strength, you, command respect." He looked up at the sky. "This is why …" He trailed off as if the words could not be spoken.

"This is why you came that day when you thought I was dying. Why you tried to use your healing sword even when it could not work." He did not answer, but his silence was all the confirmation she needed. To him, strength, power, respect meant everything. Had he not spent his life trying to earn the respect of all so as to rival with his father? Sesshoumaru saying this to her, she knew, was as close as he would probably come to admitting he had some sort of feelings towards her.

A comforting warmth spread throughout her chest. Was there anything more pleasing to a former prisoner, one who had been reviled for being a mere incarnation or slave of Naraku to hear that she commanded respect. Before she could help herself, a small smile sneaked onto her lips.

"Why the sudden curiosity? Do you wish to discuss your motivations? That day as you thought you were dying, when you said that seeing this one would be enough?"

Her heart thundered in her chest and her cheeks bloomed red. How dare the bastard use her dying words against her? She was vexed, but mostly embarrassed. When she had thought her end was near, she had said the most embarrassing things.

"Don't consider what I said back then. I was delirious with pain. I barely remember what I said. I was too busy trying not to die." Thinking back to this moment was cringeworthy. Why again had she brought this topic up? "This conversation is over!"

She thought she might have heard him chuckle, but clearly that was impossible. The stuck-up asshole would never do something as relaxed as this.

An easy silence settled between them. The water lulling her into relaxation, the surrounding sounds of the awakening night creatures, and the silent company were nice. She relished the instant. It felt like a moment out of time. The last time she had felt so untethered things had been less pleasant. All this talk about the day she had almost died brought on strange thoughts.

When the wind had taken her away all these years ago, at first once the pain had gone away everything had been grey, she had had no feel of time going by nor much of anything. It took her a while to be able to latch on to some form of consciousness. One thing, one person who had helped her ground her was Sesshoumaru. The image of him standing close in her final moments of life had been an anchor. Knowing he had sought her out, had tried to help her in her most vulnerable time, had made hope blossom in her chest. This had helped her remain strong over the years of nothingness even as the wind worked to restore her.

Sitting close like this together with Sesshoumaru still felt unreal, but it felt good. She would enjoy it, even if she was not sure how long she would be able to go on as if she could be content with the current state of their relationship. Existent but not. Close but not. She closed her eyes and breathed deep. The only thing Sesshoumaru was willing to give her was his child, and she must find a way to be content with that. She needed to focus.

"Sesshoumaru." She finally broke the silence. "What if it doesn't work?"

She had no need to elaborate. She knew he would understand. After all the only reason why he had approached her was because he wanted her to bear his child.

"It will."

She threw her head back and laughed.

"I know you're a stubborn conceited asshole, but even you can't control your environment to that level." Did he really think he could command their fertility?

He turned to his side to look at her. "Come here."

Despite his injury, he managed to wrap his arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him. A quick tug and he undid her bun, letting her hair fall all around her shoulders. He buried his nose in the mass of curls, breathing deep. She raised her head to press her lips to his. Unlike their first time he gave her easy access and they savored each other's lips in a deep kiss. As their kiss grew more passionate, hands glided all over each other's skins, made slick by the water.

Kagura decided she would not make the same mistake twice. There would be no tender lovemaking this time around. They would fuck, she would get his seed and get pregnant. They had to stick closest to the original plan. This was best for her, and her fragile heart. Once they broke their kiss, she turned around to face away from him. No way was she going to let him read in her eyes the emotions coursing through her. He helped her get settled on his lap, and she wasted no time sinking deep on his hard length.

Floating in the water made it impossible to move fast so she enjoyed the slow easy rocking motions. He helped ease her movements, one hand clasped on her hip, the other cradling her breast, toying with the sensitive tip in time with his upward thrusts.

Kagura had wanted this. Needed this. As much as she hated the way Sesshoumaru made her feel, she still craved his touch. Almost there. Soon she would reach her peak. The devious man lowered his clever fingers from her hip down to where they were joined. He used his thighs to part her legs wider, giving himself easier access to what he sought. She jolted when two clawed fingers pinched her pleasure bud, hard. A delicious mix of pleasure and pain. She threw her head back as pleasure washed all over her. With the tip of his nose he pushed her hair to the side, revealing her neck. His mouth latched on to her bared throat, his fangs nibbling on the sensitive skin, making her pleasure even sharper.

He did not let her compose herself before unseating her, turning her to face him and lowering her on his lap once again. Kagura shivered and not because of the cold. She had wanted their encounter to be as detached as possible. She had not wanted tender kisses or searching eye contact. She had wanted to remember that they were just coming together to have a child. In an instant Sesshoumaru laid waste to all her ambitions. He raised her knees to wrap her thighs tighter around his waist, pushing himself impossibly deeper inside her. She had nothing to hold on to except his shoulders as she rocked eagerly on his lap. He lowered his hands under the water to latch on to her hips to help her bounce faster. Her resolve crumbled. Being full of him, looking into his eyes. How could she have ever thought she could resist? She leaned forward to kiss him long and hard. When she felt pleasure crest within her, when everything became too intense again, she closed her eyes and buried her face against his neck. He would not see the longing she would not be able to hide.

Soon she felt him pulse inside her as he too reached his climax. She sighed in a mix of pleasure and relief when she felt his seed seep into her. She hoped this encounter would be the one to bring about their child as this would put an end to their tortuous carnal encounters. As their bodies relaxed and their heartbeats slowed he did not let go of her hips, easing his hold slightly to allow his thumbs enough room to sweep over her skin, the teasing motion made stranger under water made shivers run down her spine, amplifying the waves of pleasure racking her body. She had never known that part of her body to be so sensitive. Damn the infuriating dog.

Even as she was coming down from her high, Kagura was already planning what she would do next. Once they would calm down enough to disengage, they would move to the house and make love again and again and again. She would get them to couple as many times as they could handle. She intended to suck him dry. This would be the night she got pregnant. Then once she would be satisfied, she would slip her clothes back on and take her leave. He was right. She was strong. She had clawed her way back to the land of the living by sheer force of will. She would overcome these feelings and be alright by herself. This time she would be the one to leave him behind with churning thoughts.

To be continued…