A/N: As I mentioned elsewhere, I've started a new job and you know how that can be. Lots going on that they want me to be in the middle of, so it's compressing my writing time. I so appreciate the love for this story though and so I'm working hard to be as productive as I can on weekends to try to get chapters out as regularly as I can. I hope you'll be patient with me and I'll do my best to be as regular as I can with posting. xoxo

She stood in the shade while someone from makeup patted the skin on her face with a sponge to wick away any dampness. "I could really use a pat down under my clothes," she said with a laugh. "I hate it when we're filming like it's cold out when it's one of the hottest days of the year."

"I have no idea how you do it. But you know, you can't really tell. You always look fresh."

"Well, that's kind of you." She couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't starting to smell sweaty. She trailed her eyes over towards Chip, who was talking to one of the production assistants. He had on a flannel shirt and a jacket too. Plus they were going to be sitting in the sunlight. She forced herself not to groan.

The makeup person walked away and she stayed in the shade, fanning herself. It only helped minimally, since it was the temperature even more than the clothes that were uncomfortable. Chip spotted her and headed her way. She smiled as he approached. "You look kinda miserable," he said with a grin.

"I am. It's hot as hell out here." She looked him over. "You, however, look cool as a cucumber. You bastard." She laughed.

"I wouldn't exactly say that, but maybe I just have higher heat tolerance than you." He leaned closer to her. "But you are really, really hot. In the right way, of course." He leaned back and just smiled.

She gave him a side eye. "You're bad," she said softly. "But in the right way, of course." About that time they were called over for the next take. She headed for the table, while Chip headed for the hill.

"What do you think is going on between them? I mean, they were fighting and she fired him and all that and here they're acting like, I guess the best of friends."

"I think fighting is their love language."

She laughed. "Love language?"

He grinned. "Yeah, you know. Love language. The way people in a relationship talk to each other."

She figured that was some married people thing and she wasn't sure where it was going. "So they talk to each other by fighting?"

"No, silly. They fight because they can. They love each other. Maybe the love changed some over time. Maybe they pretended the love changed over time. But they can be honest with each other. That's always been their thing. Although I suppose they aren't always honest. But they can fight and know that what's there is still there."

She thought about that. "I guess that's true. They're comfortable with each other. They don't worry that the other one will go away or crumble."

He nodded. "Yeah. He hears about what's going on with Teddy and he can't help but reach out. Even in the middle of a fight. And I think she knows he'll always do that for her. Just like she would for him. She's always been there for him and it's the same for him."

As she sat, waiting for the scene to start, she thought about that. It was so simple, really, that she was surprised she hadn't already figured it out. Maybe it was something he would know. She'd never had a longstanding relationship and gone through different situations with a single person, so it wasn't in her experience. She didn't have time to delve into it, because they were ready to shoot, so she tucked it away to think about later.

She had thought about telling him not to come over, but that would have involved coming up with a reason that made sense. She had a long day, he did not. She was supposed to text him when she was done and he would come over an hour later. I could just not text. But she knew she wouldn't do that. She'd been feeling him between her legs all day. When that happened, she knew there was nothing she could do but be with him. Nothing else would get that feeling to go away than to just give into it and let it happen.

Things were different with him than they were with other men she'd been with. She didn't know if it was the secrecy of it, the illicitness of it, or something else entirely. She loved the banter on set, the laughter between them, the deep conversations. She was learning more and more about him and discovering he was a complex man. He was a goofball and loved silliness, loved practical jokes and improvisation. He seemed pretty much what you see is what you get. And yet he could immerse himself into the dark world of Deacon Claybourne with ease. He loved to talk about his kids, loved to share their successes. He was proud as hell of them and it could sometimes show in his emotions. But in the dark of night, he wanted her and no one else. That was the complexity of it all.

They didn't talk about the biggest obstacle between them – his marriage. It was almost as though they'd agreed, without words, that it was off the table. And yet it was there, every time they saw each other. The ring on his finger branded him as belonging somewhere else. There was a shelf life to the relationship. She knew it and she thought he did too. The longer they let it go on, the more invested they would both be. The harder it would be to let go. She had a little crisis of conscience every time she saw him and this was no different. However this time she wondered about what was unspoken between him and his wife. What language did they speak in, that kept them connected, kept them together. What were those things they just knew – about each other, about the future, about the present. That was a part of him she didn't have access to and she felt like it was probably one of the most important parts of whatever happened next.

She was sitting in her car. She'd taken her phone out several times, then slid it back into her purse, once she'd finished up and was getting out of her clothes and getting ready to leave. She pulled the phone out again and tapped it. She gazed at the picture of Yoby she had as her wallpaper. It timed out and she tapped it again. This time she slid it open and went to her texts. She took a deep breath, then found his name. Leaving now, she tapped out, then put the phone back in her purse. She turned the ignition and started the car, then eased out of the parking lot to head home.

Olivia was in the den, watching TV, which she turned off. She laid her purse on the counter and Olivia got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. "How was Yoby's day?" she asked.

"Good," Olivia said. "He had that playdate at the park and he really wore himself out, I think." She laughed. "He fell asleep in the car on the way home and then he still went down for the night right on time."

"Great." She smiled. "Thanks so much for staying late."

Olivia waved her off. "No problem, you know that." She grabbed her things. "I'll see you Monday."

She wasn't working the next day, for which she was grateful. There had been a lot of long hours throughout the week and she was glad for the long weekend. She reached in and hugged Olivia. She was so grateful the nanny had bonded so well with Yoby in such a short time. "Have a great weekend yourself." She smiled. "Have some fun."

"Oh, I will." Then she waved and headed out the back door.

She stood there for a moment, just staring at the closed door, then pulled her phone out of her purse. He'd responded almost as soon as she'd texted. See you in an hour. That was almost 40 minutes ago, so she knew he'd be there soon. She decided not to change clothes, but she did go back to her bedroom and ran her fingers through her hair and brushed her teeth. She had a lot of leftover energy and couldn't sit or stand still, so she paced through the downstairs.

When the knock came at the door, she nearly jumped out of her skin. She could feel her heart beat faster and she breathed in deeply, calming her nerves. Then she headed for the door and opened it. He was standing there smiling. "Hey," he said.

"Hey." She stood back while he walked in, then closed the door behind him. When she turned around he kissed her on the lips. Just a peck. She smiled and looked away.

"So come on in," she said, heading for the den. He followed her but then looked a little confused when she didn't sit. "You know, I've been thinking about what we talked about when we were filming at the little river. In fact, it's kind of stuck with me the rest of the day." He looked confused. "What you were saying about how Deacon and Rayna knew each other so well, they didn't have to even speak the words of what they were feeling. Because they'd known each other so long, they'd just kind of knitted their way into each other's brains, I guess." She paused.

"So you had some big idea?" he asked, still looking confused.

She breathed in, then bit her bottom lip briefly. "I guess it made me wonder if you and your...wife didn't have that same kind of...bond, I guess. You've been together so long that you know what the other one is thinking even without having to say it."

He looked a little wary then. "I don't know what you're saying," he said.

She looked away. "It made me think that maybe you should kind of explore that. When you're home. Think about what you really want your next step to be." She looked back at him and could tell, by the look on his face, that he was starting to understand where she was going with this.

"Connie..."

She held up her hand. "We knew, back at the very beginning, that this – all of this – was like playing with fire. I'm wondering if, before things get too...whatever, if we don't need to really think about what we're doing."

She could see the tears just rimming his eyes. "So you want me to go?"

"I want you to think about what you really want – long term – while you're home. I care about you, Chip. I really do. But unless you're thinking that you're going to...change things...maybe it's best that we not let ourselves get into a place where we both end up hurt. And we hurt other people."

She could see he was working hard to control his emotions, both pain and anger. "So you, what, came up with this from some random conversation we had?"

She shook her head. "Sort of, but we both know this conversation was going to have to happen. You love your family. And maybe there's something going on that caused you to want...this" – she knew he understood that 'this' meant the two of them – "but it's not a simple thing. You know that too."

He rubbed his hands over his face. "But what if I told you this is what I want. That I can go back to LA and say this is what I want."

She felt the lump in her throat and she truly didn't want to cry, because then she thought she'd lose her nerve. "You know," she said, hearing the quiver in her voice and clearing her throat to try to get past it. "You know that it's not that simple. When we're both here it's like we're, I don't know, off on an adventure, and nothing from the outside world really matters here. Except that it does, because it's still out there, even if we want to pretend it's not."

"So you don't want this." He didn't sound angry, just sad.

She fought to stay in control of her emotions. What she wanted to say was that she absolutely wanted this, wanted them, but he had a long history with this woman who was his wife and she didn't want him just throwing it away on a whim. "What I want is for you to really think about what it would mean to keep doing this. Not just for you, but for me too."

He looked like he wanted to cry again and he looked up towards the ceiling, his hands on his hips. She could see how much he was trying to stay in control. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

"I know," she said. He looked at her then and she tried to smile. "We'll be okay."

"Will we?"

"We work together. I don't ever want anything to change how we do that. We have a good rapport with each other, we understand our characters. That's magic, you know?" She tried again to smile. "I think we can still do that. I want us to still be able to do that. There's so much at stake, for both of us."

He looked at her for a long minute, then nodded. "I don't want to lose the friendship."

She felt the beginnings of relief. "Me either." She sighed. "But I think you need to figure out where things stand, you know? For you." He just looked at her, deep sadness in his eyes. "I'll still be here."

He walked over and put his arms around her, holding her close. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," he whispered against her hair. Then he leaned back and looked at her. "I need you to know that."

She nodded. "I do know that. And that's the last thing I want to do too – hurt you." He stared deep into her eyes and she could see his pain. Then he gently put his hand against the back of her head and she leaned against his shoulder, her arms around him. They stood that way for a long time and then he finally pulled away. He put his hand on her cheek and then brushed his lips across hers. He breathed in deeply and turned to walk away.

She watched as he opened the door and left, not looking back. She was glad he hadn't because she was afraid she'd give in if he had. It was tearing her apart inside, especially knowing she was the one who'd sent him away. She couldn't let him do something he might regret though and the only way she knew to do that was to send him away.

She saw the car lights sweep across the front of the house, then heard the car drive away. She was shaking, without tears, just with the emotions that were all jumbled up inside. She felt like she was going to throw up. Finally she turned out the lights and walked back to her bedroom. Then she just fell on the bed and started to cry, anguished sobs that seemed to go on forever. When she finally seemed to have cried every tear inside her, she drifted off into a fitful sleep, one she knew would not be restful.

She dreaded the morning.

The next morning she felt like she was hungover. She had a headache, her stomach hurt, and her eyes were swollen. Hoping to clear her head and bounce back a little, she got herself and Yoby fed and dressed and then they headed out for a nearby park. She had on sunglasses and her hair pulled through the back of a baseball cap and people didn't seem to recognize her, as she pushed Yoby's stroller along one of the walking paths.

She walked until she'd hit the point of exhaustion and then sat on a bench that was in a shaded area, sunlight just dappling through the leaves onto the path. She glanced at Yoby and saw that he was asleep. She pulled out her phone and stared at it for a second, then tapped it and looked at her text messages and her phone log. After Chip had left the night before, there was nothing. Not that she expected there to be since he was in route to California that morning, but it somehow made her heart ache anyway. The sadness on his face and in his eyes the night before had tugged at her heart, giving her pause, but she knew she was doing the right thing for both of them.

She sighed as she tapped Carla's name. She held the phone to her ear. "Hey," she said, forcing a smile on her face when her friend answered.

"What's going on?"

"I'm off today, so Yoby and I are taking a walk in the park." She laughed. "Well, I'm taking a walk. Yoby's chilling in a stroller." She sighed then. "I had a rough night."

"What happened, sweetie?"

She felt really emotional all of a sudden and felt tears in her eyes that she tried to blink back. "I told Chip last night we needed to stop seeing each other."

There was a pause on the other end. "I didn't realize you were still seeing him."

"Well, I was. I meant to be strong, but, I don't know. I mean, I have a hard time, I guess, resisting him."

"He must be a real stud," Carla said, with a chuckle.

She smiled. "I don't know that I'd say that, but he just, well, I just, I don't know. I just feel so drawn to him. He's kind and caring and sweet and funny. He has the nicest smile and his eyes, well, his eyes are so dreamy. I just melt around him, I guess. It's hard to explain it and I don't really understand it. It's a chemical thing for sure."

"And he feels the same, I take it."

"He says so. And I believe him. I don't think you could make that up."

"Oh my dear sweet naïve Connie," Carla said, with a fondness in her voice.

"Stop. You know how it is. When you know, you know. But he's married. And I need to respect that. I don't think you stay married that long without there being some strong...love there. Even though he made the first move, I don't want to keep pulling him down a path that will only cause hurt to him and his family." She closed her eyes tightly, fighting off the tears that threatened. "Even if I get hurt in the process."

Carla sighed on the other end. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but are you sure? Maybe you're wrong about how he feels or why he let himself get into this with you. I mean, you're one amazing woman, my friend. Smart, kind, loving, and sexy as hell. You're not some bleached blonde bubblehead. You're Connie fucking Britton, woman extraordinaire. You're a goddess. He was lucky you gave him a second glance."

She laughed in spite of the tears that still threatened to spill down her cheeks. "Stop," she said. she took a deep breath. "This hurts like hell, you know?" She heard the shakiness in her voice.

"So what will you do next? When do you see him again?"

"Next week, I guess. I have to look at the schedule. Our characters have been kind of running parallel to each other, so not a lot of scenes. And Rayna is still sort of peeved with him for kind of knocking down the walls they'd built between them romantically. He went to LA today and he'll come back Sunday. We usually see each other on Sunday nights, but that can't happen now."

"Are you going to be able to do this? Work together?"

"We have to. There's just no alternative."

"But are you sure you can do it? Not just that you know it needs to be that way. And what about him?"

"It's the only way, Carla." She knew she sounded a little testy. It was still fresh and she was still feeling emotional. "We're adults."

"I know that, sweetie. Look, I know this is hard. I think I understand what you're feeling and what your feelings are for him. You just need to do the right thing for you and trust that the rest will sort itself out appropriately."

She sighed. "Thanks for listening."

She sat for a few more minutes, collecting herself. She thought about Chip, wondered what he was doing, how his weekend would go. She thought about what things would be like when he got back. She wanted to feel sure they would be fine, that they could move forward without a lot of drama. It wouldn't be easy, at least for herself. She had real feelings, not just lust, but genuine feelings. As close as they'd been, she didn't know for sure if this was just a situation for him where he was away from the familiar and it was easy to pretend there weren't ties elsewhere. She didn't think so, but she still wondered. He seemed genuine, authentic. She hoped there wouldn't be drama when he returned.

She breathed in, then out, and stood up, taking hold of the stroller and, putting one foot in front of the other, she headed back the way she'd come.

On Sunday night, after she'd put Yoby down, she saw that Chip had texted her. I miss you. She hesitated, wondering if she should respond. Wondering what she would say. Do I say that I miss him too? Do I just say nothing? She felt like saying nothing wasn't the right thing to do. She wanted to say something that was non-committal. Saying nothing might make it seem like she was pushing him away entirely.

She sat on the couch, holding the phone against her chest. She could feel her heart beating hard. Her stomach felt like it was in a knot. She didn't know yet when they'd be filming together again and it weighed heavily on her. Her head was starting to hurt. Finally she looked at the phone and tapped to open his text. See you on set. Then she leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and fought back tears.

It wasn't until late in the week that she saw him again. It was a small scene, one that happened late in the episode. As Rayna and Juliette and their teams waited on the plane, Deacon ran from the terminal and got on board. As Rayna looked on in surprise, he announced he'd joined Juliette's band. This followed a much more intense scene they would shoot later, one where a lot of their past would come out during a tense argument on Deacon's front lawn. But she hadn't talked to him since he'd returned from California, except for the text exchange, so she was feeling a little anxious and apprehensive.

When she approached the interior plane set, she saw him standing off to the side. She slowed down, uncertain what to expect or how to act. He turned then and saw her. His face, for one brief second, echoed her own sadness, and then he smiled, a genuine smile, and she relaxed a little and smiled back. She took a couple steps closer, but didn't stand too close.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"So this ought to be interesting."

She wasn't sure what he meant. "You think so?" she answered, figuring that covered any scenario.

He nodded. "Well, first he blows Teddy's mind and then Rayna's. Should be an interesting rest of the tour, right?"

She understood. She also understood that he was making the effort to show her they were good, that no matter what else, they could be friends and coworkers. It did make her wonder how his weekend has gone, but she also knew that wasn't any of her business. "Yeah, I think so," she said, with a little breathy laugh that she knew came from her sense of relief.

"We should talk about it."

She nodded. "We should." Then the conversation seemed to trail off and he looked back as the crew was getting everything set up. She stared at the back of his head for a moment, then looked down. She took a deep breath and focused her attention on the set as well.

Want to talk about the scene?

She got the text the morning that she and Chip would be filming at Deacon's house. The scene focused on Rayna checking in with Deacon, wanting to be sure he was okay in the aftermath of an article insinuating he'd fallen off the wagon. The scene escalated into an argument that seemed to expose some of what had happened in their past. Sounds good, she texted back. Want to meet early?

Let's do it.

They sat across from each other in the break room, their scripts in front of them. "What's your take on it?" he asked.

She sat back in her chair and drew one leg up. "I think she's so used to taking care of him that she's just always sensitive every time something happens and she thinks he might fall off the wagon. I mean, it was her life for so long, I think, that it's hard to break the habit."

"Even though she's been married to someone else? And he isn't her responsibility anymore, as he reminds her. Plus he's been sober all this time."

"I guess. I mean, I suppose he would have learned coping strategies for things like this. But he's still awfully sensitive about it. And what about how he's taking off? 'I'm gonna go to this thing and then I'm leaving town and I'm selling my house.' What's that about?"

"Nothing's going right. She's sort of told him to take a hike and he doesn't really feel like he fits with this new band and he's feeling like he's got nowhere to go. Except his cabin."

She smiled. "What is this cabin thing? Like some rickety old cabin in the woods? That's what I see in my head."

He laughed. "Maybe an old lean to shed kinda set up, is what I imagine. With an outhouse. That has poison ivy all around it."

She made a face. "Ooh, that doesn't sound like it would be fun in the middle of the night when you really have to go."

"I don't think he sits in the poison ivy."

"Well, that may be so. I don't think Rayna would be caught dead at some old cabin with an outhouse though. So no chance she'll go running after him there."

He looked pensive for a moment. "It does sort of seem like she sees herself as his savior though, right?"

"I know we still don't know everything about their past, but I think she took care of him, made sure he was okay, and yeah, maybe saw herself as the one who had to keep him safe." She sighed. "She had to have really loved him a lot to have put up with that, stayed with him all that time. I guess when it was just the 2 of them she could do it, but when it was going to be 3 she couldn't see herself able to take care of both of them." She felt herself getting a little emotional about people who were just characters. "Can you imagine how hard it would have been for her?"

"He thinks it's so simple, but it's really not. He just doesn't know all of it."

She wanted to put herself inside Rayna, wanted to understand why she made the choices she made, for herself, for her child, and for the man she loved. She had her own thoughts about whether the choices were all good ones, but she knew Rayna had been written as a strong woman who did what she felt like she had to for her child. And now that she had Yoby, she could understand that.

"You doing okay?"

His question pulled her away from her thoughts and she looked at him. She smiled a little and nodded. "I'm okay. How about you?"

"Same." He glanced around, as though to make sure no one was around, then leaned towards her. "I don't ever want to put you in a hard place," he said, his voice soft and low. "I don't want to do wrong by you."

She looked at him, looked into his eyes, and what she saw took her breath away. She understood what he was saying – that whatever happened, it was her call. That he recognized the impossibility of their situation. She nodded. "I know," she murmured. She knew that wherever life took them, he was someone she would carry with her in her heart. She was sure the same was true for him.

As they were headed back from the shoot, she felt drained. The emotions of the scene had been exhausting. Putting herself in Rayna's place, she could only imagine how it must have felt to watch the man you had loved – still loved, truthfully – struggle with both his demons and his heartbreak. Living for all those years, loving another man's wife, feeling like his chances were slipping away from him, was also heartbreaking to see. Even if it was just going to be on the TV screen.

Chip slipped into the seat next to her and she looked over at him. He didn't say anything at first. "I keep thinking maybe I played that wrong," he said finally.

She frowned. "Why?"

"It felt too...angry, I guess."

"I think he would be angry. He doesn't understand what she knows. All he knows is that she keeps pushing him away or acting like she's his babysitter. I think the way he sees it is that he's fighting a fight she can't help him with anymore. Or that she gave up the right to fight with him. She's the one who left him to deal with this on his own. Don't you think?"

He thought about it for a second, then looked back at her. "I guess." He smiled then, not a joyful smile, but a thoughtful one. "I'm glad we can do this. Still."

"Me too."

They rode back to the production offices in silence. She missed him. Missed the more intimate closeness. As it was, his arm was lightly pressed against hers and it made her feel weak. But she knew it was because this was new, this change in their relationship. Actually, they'd done it when they'd first started work back in Nashville, but she thought it probably would get harder every time, so it was best that they pulled back, made the break. They would find their way, just like their characters had likely done. Figured out how to coexist in a different way, one that allowed them to stay in each other's universe without causing pain for anyone else.

She had gone to bed not much after she'd put Yoby down for the night. She was still exhausted from the shoot, mentally and physically, and she had a long day the next day. She took a quick shower and changed, then slid into bed. She turned out the light and laid there but, as tired as she was, she couldn't go to sleep. She felt wired. When her phone buzzed, she saw it was Chip. She hesitated before she finally answered.

"Hey."

"Hey." There was silence. "I just wanted to call." He paused again. "I wanted you to know you were right. There are no easy answers. There won't be." He sighed. "I want to be with you. I know I'm not supposed to say that, but it's true. I also don't want to hurt you. Ever. And things are complicated. So you were right."

She wasn't sure what to say. He seemed to be waiting. "You're right about it being complicated," she said finally. "We just have to remember it's about more than just us."

"Yeah," he murmured. Another pause. "Sleep well."

She squeezed her eyes shut, her heart aching. "You too," she whispered. She put the phone down and then cried herself to sleep.