Each Moment Lost to the Past

Chapter 4

Bella's POV

The smell of oil and rust is strong in my nose as I perch myself on the hood of an old Ford. Paint chips come off onto my hands whenever I touch the car, but I just absently brush them away on my new jeans and watch the flakes spiral away.

"So, exactly how pretty was she?" Jacob asks, practically bent over at the waist and balancing on his toes to reach into the hood of another abandoned car. It has four popped tires, a broken window, and only three doors, but Jake tells me it's the insides that have the important bits.

"Ridiculously pretty," I say, leaning back into the windshield of my perch. It gives a little groan of protest, but holds up. As long as I don't move around too much, I figure it won't give out on me. "Like, unfairly pretty. She was one of those people who you look at, and then your heart hurts with just how pretty they are."

Jake laughs, emerging from the engine with a grease smeared face and some blackened car part in his hand that I couldn't even begin to guess the purpose of. His long hair is pulled back into a wavey bun and he wears a victorious smile.

"Do you like girls, Bella?" he asks, placing the part next to his tool kit before bending back over the engine. One of his feet pop off the ground and waves a bit around in the air.

"Jeez, I don't know, Jake," I grumble, passing an embarrassed hand over my face. I stop immediately with a grimace when I realize that even my hands are grease smeared, despite the fact that I haven't been rummaging around under hoods. The question isn't as embarrassing as when Charlie insinuated it, but that is very likely due to the man asking in a teasing fashion. "I don't even know what my favorite color is."

"It's just," I can hear the grin even as I only see his butt wiggling further into the car. I develop the amusing image of the car swallowing him whole and get the feeling that this is something Before Bella would have taken a picture of to put on her wall. "You've been talking about how pretty she is for the past ten minutes."

"Because you asked," I scoff.

"Yeah, after your first tangent about how 'ethereal' she was and how you 'thought you were dreaming' just because someone like her was talking to you. I'm pretty sure you mentioned something about 'fate,' too. I mean, it's cool if you do like chicks. I like them, too."

"Shut up," I grumble, but there is a smile twisting my lips.

Jacob grunts as he yanks hard on something and he goes spilling out of the car onto the butt I've had the misfortune of talking to these past five minutes. I snort at his calamity.

He grunts as he looks over the mangled part before sighing and tossing it to the side. Not a keeper then. He glances at me.

"I can tell you what your favorite color used to be, if you want."

I think about it for a moment, before shaking my head. "Nah, I'll figure it out."

He shrugs, climbing back to his feet, unconcernedly wiping the dirt and grease in long black streaks down his pants. I suddenly feel a swell of affection for my new friend and his easygoing countenance.

"Well, I think that's all we'll get today. We can come back in a few weeks and check again."

"Sounds good," I say rolling off the hood with a groan of protest from the rusted metal.

"Hey, can I drive?" He asks excitedly as he gathers his tools and the few parts he managed to salvage. Four in total. He wraps them up in a cloth that probably wasn't black to begin with and sets it in his tool kit.

"No way," I scoff. "If Charlie or someone on the force pulls us over, it's probably better that the one with at least a permit is driving."

"I drive my dad around all the time," he argues. He grins suddenly. "Besides, my driving won't be so bad that we'd get pulled over."

I gasp in mock offense, and the younger boy takes off along the dirt lot in the direction of his dad's truck. I give chase with a laugh, catching up quickly because he had banged the toolbox against his knee, leaving him sprawled in the mud.

"You so deserved that," I say, plucking the keys that Jacob pick-pocketed from me out of his hand. He pouts, and the light feeling in my chest warms even more.

I probably wouldn't have had this much freedom with Rene, or any friends. Thank goodness she let me live with Charlie. Maybe she was better with Before Bella, but I only have to talk to her once a week over the phone now, and each time has me feeling drained because all she wants to talk about is if I changed my mind and want to come home yet, if I remembered anything, or some promising experimental treatments she's heard about. I can't imagine living with the woman full time, alone, having to interact with her every day. She'd probably want me to try electroshock if she read somewhere that it 'showed promise.'

Thank god for Charlie.

….

Even as I'm reading the words, my attention drifts away from my book for the fifth time in the past half hour. I glance over at my friend, lounged on the floor in front of the couch I'm on, and focusing intently on the television.

His thumbs work furiously over the controls and a zombie on screen dies in a shower of gore. There is nothing about that I care about, though. My eyes drift to his long hair that falls in neat waves down his back. It sways every time he gets excited about the game and with every movement.

I try to bring my attention back to the novel I found wedged behind the desk in my room, but it just can't seem to hold my focus for long, so I give up. The novel is tossed across the couch, and Jake gives only a half-interested glance back as I sit up.

"What's up?" he asks, killing ten more zombies on screen with some grenade.

"I'm playing with your hair," I announce, scooting to the very edge of the couch cushions so I can reach.

He startles a bit, before relaxing back into my knees. "Sure, sure," he says. "As long as you play with me after you're done."

"This one?" I wrinkle my nose as a zombie head violently explodes into more gore.

Jake shrugs before wincing as his hair pulls. I'd already started playing with the locks, and I click my tongue at the boy's forgetfulness.

My hands seem to move on their own, weaving and playing with the hair in a way that seem only natural. Like I've done this for years. It's Before Bella's muscle memory as I braid and re-braid my friend's hair (which I'm actually kind of jealous of).

"So, you excited about school next week?" Jake asks after a bit. I put the final plait in before tying it off with the hair tie around my wrist. I slide down to the floor as Jake offers me a controller without a backwards glance.

"Not really," I shrug. "I don't remember going to school before, but I've got this odd dread in my stomach that makes me think I didn't like it too much even before."

Jake goes about putting a different game into the consul, and he looks over his shoulder with a broad grin. "You're not excited to see Alice?" He wiggles his eyebrows. "You don't want to take a trip down that rabbit hole?"

I shove him slightly as he tries to sit back again, and he giggles. "Don't be crass," I scold with a playful scowl.

"I wasn't trying to be, but now I see where your mind went," he laughs loudly, and I check to make sure Billy doesn't come to check on us before I punch the boy as hard as I can. His laughter gets cut off by a gasp, and I scoff at him.

I have no doubt that that's exactly what he meant. He's just teasing me at this point. He's been doing it these past two weeks since I told him about the girl.

Just then, the front door bursts open and two more boys come tumbling through. "Jake!" Quil exclaims before catching sight of me. "Oh, hey, Bella." He immediately turns back to my friend and adopts the same exasperated tone he had before. "You were supposed to meet us at the cliffs half an hour ago!"

"Oh, no," I deadpan. "Guess I don't get to play this lovely game."

"Crap, sorry guys, I forgot," Jacob scrambles to his feet.

"Well, let's go," Embry says eagerly "We have to get a few jumps in before the big kids show up and kick us out."

"Come on, Bella," Jake snags my arm and tugs me towards his room. "You can borrow something of mine to get wet. You have to try cliff diving. We used to go to the smaller cliffs all the time, but the bigger ones are even more fun."

"Alright," I say apprehensively as I'm once again reminded that, while my friendship with the boy is new, he's known me for years. It's a bit odd to think about, but he doesn't bring up Before Bella very often. He's very 'live in the moment,' which I appreciate as much as his blunt curiosity. It's a contagious mindset, which I figure to be the reason for my sudden spark of excitement about throwing myself off a cliff.

We get about three jumps in before a large group of older boys show up. They're not terribly mean, but they do (in the nicest way possible) tell us to scram.

"That's Sam," Jacob pouts. "He's a junior this year."

"We didn't have to listen to him," I point out.

"The older kids get priority of the cliffs," he shrugs, not really concerned. "It's how it goes. Once we get into high school, we'll get priority. It's kind of an unofficial rank system that you rise in as you get older."

"Unless you start dating one of them," Embry grumbles. I glance over at the soaked boy, wringing out his shirt.

"Leah kind of stopped hanging out with us last year because she started high school. Started dating Sam so she kind of automatically rises up in the ranks. Doesn't have time for uncool middle schoolers anymore, I guess."

I recognize another name from my wall of faces, and I frown a bit. From what Charlie told me, that group seemed pretty close, but the age difference was bound to cause a rift at some point. Especially if one of them hits high school and the others won't for another two years.

"That sucks," I sympathize, but Jake only shrugs before perking up. "Hey, let's take Bella to the river instead."

The other boys become enthusiastic at the idea and take off eagerly into the trees and I have to pick up the pace, too, or get left behind. Running after these kids will definitely keep me in shape, I suppose.

….

The first day of school comes quicker than I'd like. After Charlie wakes me up, I just lie in bed for another five minutes, trying to get up the motivation to face an entire building of strangers. The anxiety quickens my pulse and is almost overwhelming. I've gotten very comfortable just being around Charlie and the Blacks, or even Embry and Quil.

After I do finally drag myself out of bed, I spend another five minutes just staring at my clothes, wondering if I should try to dress up. In the end, I decide there is no one I'm looking to impress, ignoring the fact that the only one I might be inclined to try impressing, definitely won't be done so because of my clothes. After all, my plain clothes have no hope of catching the eye of a fashion designer.

My personality will just have to be so great that it catches her notice. Yeah right. She's probably already forgotten about me.

With a downtrodden sigh, I shuffle towards the bathroom to finish getting ready.

Charlie pulls up to the school, putting his cruiser in park right in front of the door. I flush as several curious eyes turn in our direction, and I have to resist ducking beneath the window.

"You got your schedule?" my father asks, and I raise the worn paper from my lap half-heartedly. We printed it off last night, but I've folded it and unfolded it so many times, checking and rechecking it, that it looks to almost be falling apart. "You got your money for lunch?" He asks again, for the third time this morning. He seems about as nervous as me, but I appreciate his concern. I nod my head again. "Well then… have a good first day."

I climb out of the car, struggling to swallow the knot in my throat. "You…you too," I manage to say before pushing the door closed. It shuts on my backpack's strap, making my face burn as I'm yanked back when I tried to turn away. Damn it.

A few watching kids snicker as I fumble with the door. "Right, okay," I mumble, successfully closing the door this time. Charlie gives me a thumbs up in encouragement as I turn away. "This is fine. I got this."

"Were you just talking to yourself?" a girl silently slides up to my side, an amused but friendly smile gracing her perfect face.

"Alice," I breathe, half surprised.

"Hello, Bella," her smile somehow brightens, and my heart skips a beat. Her eyes are so strange. I wonder if it's even a natural color. Her slim fingers delicately pluck my schedule out of my loosened hand, and cheerfully passes me hers.

I can't tear my eyes away from the strange girl long enough to actually take in any information on it. I don't need to, though, because she's kind enough to provide commentary. "Oh, we only have three classes together." She glances up at me from behind her chaotic locks. "One of them is art. You'll be my partner whenever we need them?"

"Ah, sure," I agree quickly. Is every meeting with Alice Cullen going to feel so bazaar? She gives a small bounce of joy, sending her short hair bouncing as well. This girl can't be real. There's just no way. But when I glance around, almost everyone in the lot is staring at us, or rather, her.

Paranoia grips my spine in a clawed grip, and I look around nervously. Charlie shoots me another thumbs up before pulling away, having to honk a few times to get one kid to stop gawking in the middle of the road and move.

But it's not just us they are staring at. It's a group of four other people huddled around the shiniest car in the lot. They're all familiar with those same startling topaz eyes. Are they all real? They can't be. I must be hallucinating. But an entire lot full of teens can't share the exact same hallucination.

I swallow thickly when I catch sight of a golden glare that seems to look directly through my soul.

Alice seems to catch the direction of my attention. "Oh, those are my siblings."

I figured as much. "They don't seem to like you talking to me very much."

"They're just protective," Alice waves off, but it does nothing to soothe my anxiety.

With the eyes of the entire student body fixated on them and us, and at least one of Alice's siblings looking to be planning my murder, I start to think that maybe Alice isn't the best person I should make friends with my first day. Attention was the very last thing I was hoping for today. Or any day, really.

"We," I swallow, lowering my eyes to the ground, but it doesn't stop the crawling feeling of gazes on my back. "We should probably get to class."

"Oh…" Alice says, disappointment leaking into her voice, but I can't bring myself to look at her. She slowly hands me back my schedule and takes her's back when I offer it. "Okay then."

My eyes dart to her downturned expression before darting away again. "See you later? Partners?" I ask, hating that I caused her disappointment. So much for my great personality catching her notice. More like my cowardice.

Some energy seems to come back to her with my offer. "Yeah. Partners. See you, Bella."

"Bye, Alice," I mumble before shuffling away. My heart beats way too fast, my breathing too uneven, as I quickly enter the school and dart into the first bathroom I come across.

As soon as the door swings shut, it starts to get pushed open again, so I slip into one of the stalls. I just need a few minutes without anyone's stares. Just a few minutes to myself. I take a few deep breaths to try and calm my heart.

The two girls don't stop chatting as their click clacking high-heeled shoes stop in front of the mirrors.

"Did you see them? My god they are all gorgeous. Do you think their dad is just collecting beautiful people?"

"I know. I wish he would adopt me. Do you think I have a chance?" the other girl asks.

"To get adopted by the Cullens?"

"No, to date one of the Cullens," the girl scoffs in a tone that suggests the other girl is stupid. "I call dibs on the big one by the way."

"That fine," the other sighs dreamily, "I like the red-head. His hair is so nice."

Is it? All I could focus on, when I caught sight of them, were the intense ichor eyes boring into me. The same eyes I've seen at least twice before in my dreams.

My heart only starts to calm when the warning bell rings, and the girls hurry off to class.

A/N: So, a lot of time skips have happened so far to put it into perspective, Bella lost her memories in about the middle of July. It is now September, the start of school.

As always, please let me know what you think! I really enjoy all the reviews.

~Silver~