Chapter 5: Broken
More days passed and Uhtred was eating again. He still hardly talked or moved. But he let Finan guide him and nodded when the man spoke to him. And Finan spoke more then than when Halig was alive and they were on the ship. If Uhtred had had any sense of anything, he might have realized Finan wouldn't shut up because he was trying to distract Uhtred, trying to keep the other man's mind focused on him and not on the deep chasm of pain, sorrow, and despair that he teetered on. Half the time, Finan wasn't even sure himself of what he was talking about. He just kept talking during the day and at night, when he was allowed, he held Uhtred close and rocked him until they both fell asleep.
The air was beginning to warm when Sverri threw open the door and smiled widely. "Alright, boys. It's spring!" He ushered them out and they rounded the barn and the small pier and ship came into view.
Uhtred kept his eyes on the sand under his feet as he carefully picked his way forward. He hadn't moved a lot and he felt the weakness in his legs. Twice he nearly stumbled and Finan reached forward and grabbed him, steadying him. He didn't look up until he heard the man behind him gasp dramatically. Uhtred lifted his head and his eyes widened. The ship was still tied where they had left her. And tied to her bow was Halig. Uhtred's breath quickened and he tried to run forward. "Halig!"
Finan grabbed him quickly and held him back. He wrapped his arms around his chest tightly and tucked his chin against Uhtred's neck. "Obsert, that's not Halig anymore. He's dead." He whispered softly and Uhtred just sobbed.
In front of them, Sverri let out a loud laugh and waved them forward. "Come on, ladies. We need to get going."
Finan glared at the man as he adjusted his hold on Uhtred and pulled him along beside him. They walked up the gangplank and were once again shackled inside the ship. Uhtred sunk down on his bench, the one he'd sat on for so many months. His eyes fell on the empty seat in front of him, where Halig had sat, and there were tears in his eyes. Finan squeezed his shoulder before taking his own seat.
Sverri laughed loudly as he walked towards them. He lifted his arms and waved them. "Pull!" He called out. "All of you, now!" Then he turned and leaned down over Uhtred. "Pull, Lord." He said in a mocking tone, the smile still on his face.
Finan leaned back and breathed out, his eyes narrowing into a glare at the man he wanted to kill with every fiber of his being and every ember of the rage that burned within him. He wanted to rip this man to shreds and send him down to Hell to burn for all eternity. He gripped his oar tightly in his hands, hard enough his fingers and knuckles turned white. He clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth to stop from speaking out against Sverri. He knew it would do nothing but get them both whipped. But one day!
When the sun set and the night came on, Sverri appeared, laughing again and mocking Uhtred, and told them to rest. Uhtred set his oar down but didn't move. He hunched over on his bench and stared at the spot in front of him where Halig should have been. Finan slipped from his seat silently and reached out to touch Uhtred's shoulder. When the man didn't pull away, he moved closer and wrapped his arms around him. Uhtred didn't react and didn't fight him as Finan pulled him from the bench and towards the side of the ship.
Days continued melting into weeks and maybe more. Uhtred had no sense of time or of anything really. He was just barely existing. Finan was still beside him, behind him, with him. The man tried to talk to him, tried to keep him fighting, tried desperately to reach him but Uhtred didn't react. Finan being there was just the luck of the slave ship, Uhtred was certain. He wasn't worth following or befriending. Not anymore. Never again. He didn't deserve a man like Finan, not as a friend and certainly not as anything more. Uhtred would just be the death of him, he knew. Everyone around him died. And if he had anything left, he would push the man away. But Uhtred barely had enough in him to keep himself alive.
They were unloaded from the ship and pushed ashore roughly. Uhtred kept his eyes on the ground as he shuffled along behind the slave in front of him. He didn't see his surroundings. He hardly saw anything at all as he stumbled along.
Finan kept close to him as they walked. He kept his eyes and senses open. At least what he had left of them. He was faring slightly better than his counterpart. Though it was only slightly. He still barely had the energy to stumble along with the other men. But he would give his last if Uhtred asked him to. He was fueled by his rage and anger alone, they had been his saving grace for the years before Uhtred. And in the year since, the man before him had started bringing out other emotions in the Irishman, ones he had feared long gone, that he would never feel again. And so help Sverri if that foul man tried to separate them!
They were finally allowed to stop. Most of the men collapsed on the ground around them. Sverri trotted out in front of them, waving his arms around and making a show of it as they were approached by a group of men. Finan leaned closer to Uhtred. "I will enjoy killing him one day." He whispered, his lips against the other's ear to keep from being heard. He lost count of the times he had said similar words and each time he did, he felt the resolve grow stronger. He was determined to kill the man, with his own dying breath if needed. If Uhtred heard him, he didn't react. He didn't move. He just stood there. Finan breathed out and moved closer. He stood close enough to reach out and touch the broken man. He wanted to caress his cheek and his neck, he wanted to press his lips against his and whisper of his growing love for him in the other man's ears. He longed to, he thought about it all the time. He wanted to wrap Uhtred up and hold him and scream at him to fight! To live! To do something other than waste away. If not for himself, Finan wanted to get down on his knees and beg Uhtred to live for him. Finan felt as if he would die without him.
"You know who I am?" One of the men who approached Sverri asked and Finan strained to hear them talking. He leaned closer and saw that the man was wearing an eyepatch.
Sverri nodded his head. "I do, Lord."
Eyepatch smiled and stepped closer, tilting his head. "You have something that I want, Master Sverri."
Sverri nodded again and waved his arm. "Yes, Lord. Let me show you what I have." He turned and walked towards them, waving his arm again and smiling.
The eyepatched man stepped closer and started looking down the line. He stopped just in front of Uhtred and pressed closer. "Uhtred." He said, tilting his head. "Uhtred Ragnarson."
Finan bit his lip and prayed to God that Uhtred didn't react. He didn't like the eager look in the man's face.
"Is that you?" He asked, moving closer still. But he got no reaction. He stepped back and looked at Sverri. "What do you call this one?" He asked, pointing at the silent man.
Sverri crossed his arms and smiled. "He calls himself Osbert but I heard another slave call him Lord."
The man smiled widely and nodded his head. "It is him!" He clapped his hands together, looking excited and smug. "Oh how I have waited for this moment!" He turned and looked at one of his men behind him. "Give him a sword."
Uhtred still hadn't moved. He hadn't heard or seen anything. He hadn't even felt Finan at his back. He barely even existed. And then something was thrown at his feet. It took a few seconds for his eyes to settle on the sword and several more before his brain settled on what it was. A sword? It was a pitiful, meager looking blade. It was nothing like the one he once wielded in what felt like a lifetime ago. Uhtred lifted his head a few inches, moving incredibly slow and shaking with the effort. He stared at the man in front of him and finally, the face and the voice penetrated the fog in his head. "Sven?" His voice cracked as if he hadn't spoken a word in months. Maybe it had been that long. He couldn't remember anymore.
The man laughed and nodded his head, looking smug and pleased with himself. "Yes, it is me." He waved his arms around dramatically. "Sven the one-eye!" His expression turned and his one eye narrowed into a glare. He pointed down at the sword. "Pick it up." He commanded, practically growling.
Uhtred glanced down at the sword again. It looked so far away and so heavy. Had he ever lifted something that looked so? A lifetime ago. Because it was just that, another lifetime. One he doubted was even his. Just some hallucination he dreamed up. But still, his eyes settled on the sword and he could feel it calling to him, despite all his doubts. His whole body shook as he started to bend.
Finan's eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. "No!" He lifted his bound hands and tried to get the one-eyed man's attention. "He can't! He's too weak!" He grabbed Uhtred's arm, trying to stop him.
Uhtred waved him off and reached for the blade. He barely heard Finan's words as his fingers tightened around the hilt. He picked it up, his arm shaking as he lifted it up. How he had ever wielded something so heavy, he couldn't fathom. And he knew Serpent-Breath had been longer, thicker, sturdier. It had been the weapon of a King. Uhtred breathed out and lifted his eyes back to Sven. "I will kill you!" He said, his voice wavering from disuse.
Sven tilted his head and let out a laugh. He looked at Uhtred with pity and then a wide smile spread across his face. "Uhtred, I am pleased that you will try." He said smugly.
Uhtred tried to lift the blade again. He could hardly even grip it. His fingers felt weak and his whole arm wavered. But still, he tried. With everything he had left in him, he tried to lift it, tried to step forward. He just didn't have anything left. He fell forward on his knees, the sword falling from his hands. He had nothing left.
Finan rushed forward, reaching towards his friend. "He's too weak…" He started but one of Sven's men blocked him, hitting him and throwing him back. Finan landed with a pained moan and rolled to the side. It wasn't a hard hit, the man hadn't even really put effort into it. But it still knocked everything from the Irishman.
Uhtred glanced back, his eyes widening. "Finan! No… don't…" He heaved out, the words exhausting him. He couldn't bear the thought of his Finan getting hurt because of him. The man needed to forget about him and take care of himself. Uhtred would rather die for him than see Finan hurt.
Sven smiled again as he lifted his sword over his head. His one-eye was wide and wild and he looked almost contradictingly terrified. "I will be forever known as the man who killed the great warrior Uhtred, the Dane Slayer."
Finan huffed out as he rolled on his side. Sven's man continued to block him. "Killing a defenseless, weak man who can't hold a sword!" He called out. "There's no honor in that!"
"Fin…" Uhtred reached for the fallen sword. His fingers brushed against the hilt again. If this was to be his end, he wouldn't show any fear. He wouldn't cower or beg. He wouldn't give Sven the satisfaction.
Sven smiled as he tightened his grip on his sword but then he faltered. The sound of horses and men yelling was suddenly in the wind seconds before they were swarming around. He dropped his arms and turned to flee, showing what sort of coward he really was. He didn't even wait to see who had disturbed his attempted slaughter. His men followed quickly, mounting their horses and riding fast as the new party quickly chased them away.
Uhtred relaxed into the sand beneath his legs and the sword slipped from his grip once again. He turned, looking over his shoulder to seek out Finan. The other man was sitting on the ground. He smiled and nodded at him and Uhtred felt his chest lighten at that smile alone.
"Uhtred…"
Uhtred turned at the voice. It was like a voice through the fog, a voice he never expected to hear again. He stared in disbelief at the man suddenly kneeling before him. He blinked as tears suddenly filled his eyes. He never expected to ever see his brother again.
"It's me… it's Ragnar." He said gently, speaking to him as if he were a frightened mare. And maybe Ragnar thought he was, beaten and broken as Uhtred appeared. Uhtred reached out to him without hesitation and Ragnar wrapped his arms around him. He patted his brother's back and held him as he cried. "Did you believe we would abandon you?" Ragnar asked softly.
Uhtred held onto him tighter as he heard the words. Because yes, he never thought he'd see his brother again. He would never use the words abandoned, because he knew Ragnar would never do such a thing. But the last time he'd seen his brother, he was a prisoner, kept by Alfred. Uhtred had hoped to return to Alfred and levy for his brother's release. And Brida, too. But things hadn't gone as planned.
Ragnar breathed out and glanced up, looking at the other slaves. He shook his head as he saw the state they were in. What good were slaves who couldn't even stand under their own weight? They all looked dead on their feet. "Sihtric, free them all."
Uhtred pulled away from his brother at the name. It had been another name he hadn't expected to hear again, except on his own lips, another face he never thought he would set his gaze upon. "Sihtric?" The younger man smiled and stepped closer and for a moment, Uhtred couldn't breathe. He was overwhelmed by the look in the boy's eyes and he swallowed.
"Lord, I'm glad we've found you!" Sihtric looked like he was barely able to contain his excitement. "I can't wait to be in your… service… again…" He finished awkwardly, his eyes widening. His face reddened quickly and he looked at the ground. Then he turned sheepishly and headed towards the slaves. Uhtred turned to watch him and suddenly wished the boy would come closer again.
Finan watched as the scene unfolded. He sat up and a smile stretched across his face as he heard Uhtred's voice. The man had talked about his brother and Finan knew the name. Uhtred would be safe. Then Finan turned to watch as the younger man stepped towards him. Sihtric's name he knew as well. He recalled the many times over their countless months together that Uhtred had mentioned his concern over his oathman's safety. Finan smiled up at him as he got closer. He held out his hands and Sihtric quickly cut him loose. "Thank you."
Sihtric nodded and knelt down. He quickly snapped the worn chain that shackled his feet and moved to stand up again.
Finan attempted to stand up but wavered and fell back. Sihtric reached out, grabbing his arms and stopping him easily. The younger man hauled him up, back to his feet. Finan smiled widely at him again and nodded. "And thank you again."
Sihtric returned the smile, his face still red, and then he turned to move down the line.
Finan caught Uhtred's gaze and his smile only widened. The look on Uhtred's face was enough to calm his soul and make his heart swell. But then movement out of the corner of his eyes stopped him. His eyes narrowed and his lips curled into a snarl as he saw the man trying to sneak off. He had one last promise to keep. He staggered forward, pushing past the young man kneeling beside the next slave. He stumbled towards Uhtred and Ragnar but didn't look at either. He grabbed the sword Uhtred had dropped and kept going. He felt all the anger that had kept him alive over the last few years, all the pain and despair and emptiness, boil just under his skin again and all he saw was red.
Uhtred turned to watch, concern on his face. "Finan?" He called out, frowning.
Finan staggered across the sand towards Sverri as the slaver tried to make a run for it. Finan caught up to him easily and lifted the sword. He held it to the man and when Sverri turned towards him, Finan didn't hesitate to push the sword through the man's neck. "Pull." He ground out and then staggered backwards as the man fell to the ground. He laughed loudly and held up the sword in triumph. Then he promptly dropped it and fell backwards. He landed hard and breathed out. But he still smiled.
"Finan!" Uhtred called out and attempted to stand. Ragnar immediately pulled him to his feet and stood close, steadying him.
"I'm… good." Finan called, lifting his arms to wave.
Uhtred smiled, watching him. Then he turned and looked at the others slowly gathering around. He thought it recognized a few of Alfred's men. And then Hild was there, smiling at him, and stepping closer. Uhtred smiled and embraced her, holding her as tightly as he was able. "Hild, you're here, too."
She laughed as she pulled away from him. She nodded her head and stepped back. "I am. I knew we would find you."
"Lord Ragnar, they are all free." Sihtric said softly, walking up behind them. His eyes were on Ragnar as he spoke.
Ragnar smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Sihtric."
Uhtred turned slowly, wavering a bit on his feet, and smiled. But the moment he looked at the boy, Sihtric dropped to the ground, kneeling in front of him and looking at the ground. Uhtred's eyes dropped to follow his movements and he frowned. "Sihtric…"
"Lord…" The boy started.
"Get up, Sihtric." Uhtred breathed out and touched his hand to the top of the boy's head. "Do not kneel for me, not now." He said softly.
Sihtric raised his head slowly and looked up at him, his eyes wide. "But Lord…"
"No." Uhtred said, his voice a little louder as he interrupted. "Stand."
Sihtric looked away as he bit his lip and nodded his head. He stood up quickly and stepped back. But then he looked up at Uhtred and swallowed and he started trembling a little. Then before he could stop himself, he stepped forward and threw his arms around Uhtred's neck. He embraced his Lord tightly and held him close for a moment. Uhtred let out a surprised squeak at the suddenness but he didn't resist. Instead, he smiled and leaned his head against the boy's strong shoulder for a moment and just breathed out. The boy's arms on him anchored him, making him feel real again. But then, just as quickly, Sihtric released him and stepped back again. His face was even redder than before and he was looking at the ground. "Sorry." He mumbled.
Uhtred smiled and tilted his head. "I am happy to see you, too, boy."
"He is very happy." Finan called out loudly. He had managed to stand up and he brushed the sand from his legs. "He would not shut up about you."
Uhtred turned towards him and smiled again. "Finan, come meet everyone." Finan hung back for a moment longer, hesitating. But Uhtred waved him forward and Finan drew his lips taut and started towards them. "This is Finan the Agile, a warrior from Ireland and the man who kept me alive."
Finan's eyes widened a bit and he smiled sheepishly and nodded his head. "Aye, I did."
Uhtred went around their small circle, introducing them all. Ragnar shook Finan's hand and Hild hugged him and thanked him. Sihtric regarded him warily but he nodded.
"Come on." Ragnar grabbed Uhtred's arm and pulled him back, interrupting him before he attempted to remember the men Alfred had sent. "We should leave this place."
Uhtred paused and looked back at his brother. Then he breathed out and nodded. "Yes, we should."
They allowed a few hours reprieve before they mounted the horses and rode out. But they didn't go far. Night fell quickly and Uhtred and Finan were too weak to ride. Finan was having trouble holding on and Uhtred couldn't even sit up straight. Twice he'd fallen off completely and they had given up. They had enough men with them to guard against an attack by Sven, if the one-eyed coward dared to show his one eye again.
They made a fire and settled down for the night. They discussed cutting down what remained of Halig's body, his burial and honoring him. Then Ragnar launched into the state of the country. The brothers and Kjartan were doing as they pleased and Guthred hadn't managed to raise his army. Alfred had been the one to send Ragnar to find Uhtred and Hild had been the one to tell the King. Sihtric had accompanied Hild and added himself to the rescue party without invitation.
Uhtred sat in front of the fire with a fur wrapped around him. He listened to his brother's words but he didn't participate. He had no interest in the country that allowed him to be used and sold, like he was nothing. He just stared at the embers, growing quiet the moment Ragnar started. Beside him, Finan sat close enough to touch. It was just second nature now. They'd been forced so close for so long that it felt odd to not be near each other. On Uhtred's other side sat Sihtric. The young man hadn't been in Uhtred's service for long when the Lord had been sold. Now that he was back, Sihtric wouldn't take his eyes off him and acted as if he'd make sure nothing of the like ever happened again. Across the fire sat Hild and Ragnar. A few other unfamiliar faces had dotted the circle throughout the evening but were now asleep or keeping watch.
Finan looked to Uhtred and when it was clear the man wasn't responding, he cleared his throat and looked at Ragnar. The older man was watching his younger brother and he shook his head slowly. "You're… Uhtred's brother?" He asked, trying to change the tense subject and lighten the mood a bit.
Ragnar turned to look at Finan and nodded his head. "I am."
Finan looked between them again and tilted his head. He already knew the story of Earl Ragnar, killing Uhtred's father and taking his son for his own. But still, he shrugged. "You look nothing like each other." He said with a laugh.
Ragnar nodded again and laughed as well, his voice booming and echoing through them all. "No, no we do not."
Finan liked Ragnar instantly. He felt like he already knew the man with how much Uhtred had spoken of him. But it really mattered not to him. All that mattered was that Uhtred claimed him as his brother and trusted him. That was enough for him. Finan stretched his arms out before him and breathed out. When he settled back, he leaned a bit closer to Uhtred, pressing his arm against the man's. Uhtred breathed out and leaned against the touch.
On Uhtred's other side, Sihtric continued to watch closely, his eyes never leaving the man beside him. He wasn't touching his Lord, as the other man was. His eyes narrowed into a glare of their own volition as he watched the obvious closeness between the two men and he couldn't help but wonder at it.
Silence settled over the circle again until Hild picked up a plate of food. She leaned across the fire and held it out towards Uhtred. "Uhtred, you should eat." The nun said softly. She'd been watching him nearly as closely as Sihtric and noted that he hadn't touched anything.
Uhtred hardly looked at her as his eyes fell on the offered plate. He grimaced and shook his head. Just the smell was enough to turn him.
Hild sighed and looked at Finan. "Finan?"
Finan lifted his hand and shook his head. "Oh, we will eat, Lady… but our tummies are small." He said softly, reaching over to touch Uhtred's arm gently. "And our feet have barely touched dry land. It'll take a little time to find them."
Ragnar watched them for a moment. His eyes narrowed a bit as he studied them. "Are you his brother?" He asked steadily.
Finan and Uhtred both looked at Ragnar before turning to each other. Uhtred said nothing as Finan breathed out and looked back at Ragnar. "We are…" He paused. "We are bound, I would say." He answered finally.
Sihtric breathed in sharply at the declaration and drew his lips taut.
"We are all bound, one way or another." Hild said as she stood up. She rubbed her hands together and looked around the circle. "And we are all due some sleep. So take it while you can."