Greener than Earth

by hufflepuff4ever93

This is a story of how a child of a Baggins and a daughter of a Took, by the name of Bilbo Baggins, went on an adventure and ended up doing and saying things that were entirely unexpected. This is her story, about how she lost the respect of her neighbors, but gained a rather dwarvish, a rather loud, a rather irritating, and a rather wonderful family in the end.

5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5. A brief interlude with Otis

Author's note: Please recognize that Otis speaks to themselves in the third person, it is not the original narrator, just Otis's natural charm!

Otis is not pleased, not pleased at all. Otis thinks Bilbo ought to never, ever leave the house, ever again. For certain, leaving the house means Otis is left alone with the other plants, like Remington, the pompous, stuck up, worst thing in all of creation, iris who always steals the best sunlight patch whenever Bilbo is not looking, merely because Remington believes the false notion that irises are better than all other plants. Remington is wrong though, the best plant is Otis, even Bilbo thinks so, for Otis is her favorite, even if she lies to all of the other plants about not having favorites.

Proof? The stupid readers ask for proof of Otis being Bilbo's favorite? The readers ask if Otis can see you? Otis can see you, Otis sees everything, even the very stupid fourth wall sitting right there, out in the middle of the forest, rather ridiculous Otis thinks. Very well, Otis will give you proof, Bilbo brought Otis along on her very stupid journey, when she brought no other, therefore, Otis is the best! Ha! Proof! Otis has bested the readers. The readers would do well to remember their betters, like Otis. Now that Otis has put the readers in their place, Otis will continue Otis's monologue.

Where was Otis, oh yes, the stupid stupid Bilbo on her stupid stupid plan to continue her stupid stupid journey. Bilbo never should ever leave Bag End ever again, because Otis is stuck in a bag, on a pony! Ponies, the dratted plant murderers they are, Otis has found are even more stupid than Bilbo and her Dwarves. The one Otis rides didn't even fight the troll picking her up. And now Otis is stuck in a bag, near smelly, disgusting trolls, while Bilbo barters Otis's life for the stupid dwarves lives. Otis cannot believe the audacity of Bilbo. The sheer audacity…. Did Bilbo just say how fearsome Otis is? Ah, well, Bilbo is not so bad then. It is not Bilbo's fault that Otis is stuck in this problem, Otis knows.

The readers believe it is Bilbo's fault? The readers are as stupid as Bilbo is. It is not Bilbo' fault Otis is stuck here. It is the dratted Wizard's fault. Oh yes, Otis knows of the old fool. Otis knows the wizard thinks he is better than Otis (however wrong the stupid wizard might be). Otis knows it is his fault that Otis is here, not dear, stupid Bilbo's, for it was the wizard, who invaded Otis's home, and convinced Bilbo to go on this acurrsed journey. So the readers see, the wizard is the problem, not Bilbo.

Anyways, Otis is stuck here in this stupid bag, delegated to be getting rid of trolls for Bilbo. Otis will do it, but only because Otis loves stupid Bilbo. The trolls will rue the day they crossed stupid Bilbo, and Otis the Great, the Powerful, the Magnificent, the Bestest in the Entirety of Middle Earth.

Author's note: Sorry for the long time between updates, I really love this story I'm making out of it, and I don't want it to stop being fun, so if I take time between updates, I probably need it.

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