I had a million messages and missed calls throughout the weekend. Eventually, I texted Hotch and told him to tell them what happened and that I didn't want to talk about it.

When I arrived to work this morning, JJ asked me a million questions, and I retreated up to Rossi's office, closing the door behind me. I hadn't realised that Hotch was in here, but I knew they weren't discussing anything serious because Rossi's door had been open. I sat on the couch across the room from them and crossed my arms.

"…What are you doing?" Rossi finally asked.

"Hiding from JJ; she won't stop asking me questions. I don't doubt that Garcia will be the same when she gets in."

"Are you okay?" Hotch asked after a second. His voice was soft, like he was being careful with his words. I looked at him and decided that being honest would be better than breaking down in front of them. I shook my head and looked down at my hands in my lap. "Would you like some more time off?" He asked. I shook my head again, "Then what can we do?"

I looked between them, "Let me stay in here for a while." I spoke quietly. There was a knock on the door and I looked over as it opened after Rossi's permission. "What?" I asked as I met Will's eyes.

"Charges?"

"I said no."

"Emily, the team already knows. What else is there to find out?" Hotch asked, intervening before Will could reply.

I looked at Hotch for a few seconds as I thought, and then looked back down to my hands. "Fine." I whispered.

"Great. I'll let you know how it all goes." Will left swiftly, closing the door again.

I sighed as JJ knocked on the window as she walked past Rossi's office; that meant a case. I stood and Hotch opened the door for me, motioning for me to go first. I made my way into the conference room and kept my eyes down, not acknowledging the concerned looks on Garcia, JJ, and Reid's faces. Morgan walked in after us and smiled softly at me.

We worked three back-to-back cases with minimal rest. I slept on our drive to the plane, the plane ride home, and then Morgan drove me home from the precinct after addressing how dead I looked. He walked me inside and offered to stay over, which I accepted easily. I showered first and for an extensive amount of time, just trying to wash the last two months away. Once I got out, I got into bed and switched the TV onto a movie while Morgan showered. When he joined me in bed, I propped myself up on my side, resting my head in my hand.

"What?" He asked. I looked down to his lips and then back, "No, I don't think you're ready for that at all."

"Please?"

"No."

"Derek."

"Emily, no." He used a stronger tone to tell me that it was the end of the discussion. I sighed irritably and dropped back to my back, crossing my arms over my chest. "Be grumpy, I don't care, but I know that you're not ready."

I had apologised profusely to Morgan the following morning for being so petty when he didn't want to sleep with me. He laughed as he told me it was okay, and then proceeded to tell me how irresistible he was. I just rolled my eyes as he gloated, and then he eventually left to head home. We had four days off, and after doing nothing but sleeping yesterday and cleaning today, I began to feel a little lonely. I had just spent three weeks straight with my team and then the other night with Morgan, and I still didn't want to be alone; this team changed me big time.

I considered calling JJ or Garcia, but then that posed the possibility of questions. I didn't want that, especially not right now. I couldn't call Morgan back, Reid and Rossi would think it was weird, and Hotch was with Jack.

I realised quickly that what I really wanted was sex, so calling my team wouldn't be any help anyway. I scrolled through my phone, looking at the contacts I had that I knew would drop anything to be here asap just for one more night. I didn't want them, though. I wanted someone I knew; someone I trusted. I thought about texting Morgan again, and then dismissed the idea again.

Instead, I searched for an unlabelled number, I reviewed the previous texts to ensure it was who I thought it was, and then I sent a text.

"Are you on a case or home?"

It didn't take very long to receive Mick's reply,

"Home."

I sent him my address and he replied almost instantly, saying he would be a half hour. I sat down with my book to wait for his arrival.

Eventually, I heard the knock on my door. I double checked it was him through the peep hole before I opened the door. I smiled slightly, although he didn't seem quite as happy to see me. "Hi."

"So I'm a booty call?" He walked in and continued down the hall to the open living room.

"You didn't have to come…" I said quietly as I sat on the couch. I saw him roll his eyes, and then he approached me quickly, his lips meeting mine. We made out on the couch for a while before I spoke, "Bedroom." He stood and followed me quickly.

"This means nothing." I said as we went upstairs.

Once there, I sat on the bed and he stood in front of me. I pulled his shirt over his head before kissing him again, and I struggled with his belt buckle for a second before finally figuring it out without looking. He didn't let me get his underwear off; he pulled my hands away and took my shirt over my head, quickly followed by unclipping my bra. It fell from my chest and I threw it across the room as he pushed me to lay down and moved his hands to the button on my jeans. His lips moved to my neck, kissing slowly down towards my collarbone. Once my jeans were off, he hooked his fingers in my underwear, and I flinched. He noticed.

"…Are you okay?" He pulled away and looked in my eyes. His eyebrows furrowed, "You look like you're about to cry."

I closed my eyes and pushed him gently away from me. I rolled to the side and stood, walking quickly to the ensuite and closing the door. "I'm so sorry." I said to him through the door as I looked at myself in the mirror. "I thought I was ready."

"Ready?"

I opened the door again and looked at him, "You should go."

"Are you kidding me right now?" He raised his eyebrows and his voice; he looked pissed.

I bit my lip and looked down, apologising quietly. I heard him snicker, and then a second later I heard him pulling his clothes back on. He left without another word. I collapsed onto the carpet with tears streaming down my cheeks, sobs escaping my throat.

I stayed there for an extensive amount of time, and then I crawled over into bed, turning the lamp out and unlocking my phone. I opened Hotch's contact and took a deep breath before typing and sending the message before I chickened out.
"Another therapist appointment when we're back please."

It was ridiculous that he had to book it for us and that we couldn't keep our visits a secret from him. My phone rang a second later with his name flashing across the screen. I took another deep breath and accepted the call, "Hello?"

"It's pretty late, are you okay?" Hotch asked. He was almost whispering; I assumed Jack was asleep nearby.

"I'm okay." I sighed.

"…You don't sound okay."

"I thought I was ready, but I wasn't, and I'm just a little upset. I'm fine. I need to go." I knew that he would know exactly what I meant.

I heard him almost sigh, "Okay, goodnight. I'll book you in her next available slot. Let me know if you need anything."

I hung up without thanking him or saying goodbye, and then I dropped my phone beside me before rolling over and crying into my pillow.

I didn't even remember the act of it and it was still affecting my sex life. I had been raped before, and the previous times I had not waited this long to have sex again. I knew that sleeping with someone I knew and trusted would be easier than a stranger. Maybe I didn't really trust Mick; maybe I needed Morgan. I contemplated calling him, but after what just happened, I knew nothing was going to work for me tonight. Maybe once we're back at work, I would speak to him about it.
I thought about going to the closet to grab a toy, but I didn't want that right now. I sighed to myself as I wiped my cheeks and rolled back to my back. I closed my eyes and hoped to fall asleep before I could think about it anymore.

Wednesday morning came too slowly; being at home only left time to think. When I finally got to work, Hotch was waiting at my desk, although he was talking to JJ. I walked over slowly, taking a breath to calm myself when I saw Hotch look at me with concern. "My office please." He spoke quietly, and then excused himself from JJ as he turned.

"Hi." I greeted JJ with a weak smile and dropped my bag before following Hotch. "Hi." I repeated to Hotch as I closed the door behind me.

"You need to realise that this isn't going to just go away, Emily. You can't just sleep with someone else and let it go. You need to come to terms with it, and then deal with it, and then try to let it go." He got straight to it; I assume he had meetings this morning and just wanted to get me out of the way.

I almost snickered, "It's not my first rodeo, Hotch." My voice was unusually quiet. I didn't feel very well but I think I was tired more than anything.

He watched me for a few seconds before he decided not to argue with me, "She'll fit you in today at 2:45."

"Thanks." I forced a small smile. I motioned to the door to ask if I could leave and he nodded. I walked out quickly and closed the door behind me. Rossi was walking up the catwalk to his office. He greeted me with a smile as he passed me and I watched him continue on without returning the greeting; he didn't seem too worried about it.

I made eye contact with Morgan as I descended the stairs and gave him a small acknowledging smile, and then the same with Reid. I sat at my desk and sighed to myself. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before turning my attention to the work I needed to get done.

At about midday, I heard a voice and looked up, seeing Mick across the bullpen. He was talking with an agent of the B team, and then handed a file over. He made eye contact with me before he looked down quickly and headed for the glass doors; he couldn't get out quick enough, it seemed.

"…What's going on there?" JJ asked, startling me. I looked at her and saw that Reid and Morgan were watching too.

"Uh…he's just mad at me."

"Why?"

I shrugged my shoulders and turned back to my desk. To be honest, I wasn't exactly sure why. I knew that I had called him over to sleep with him, and then told him it meant nothing, but he still continued; I figured he didn't want it to mean anything either. I found I wasn't ready, but that just didn't seem like something that would make him this mad with me. Although he didn't know what I meant.
Just like it had been in Long Island, it was better for me to just let it go. Addressing the issue would only just drag it out, and then it may linger. Working with someone in the field with prior issues was not something I wanted to experience again.

"Do you guys want to get lunch?" Reid asked the three of us. JJ and Morgan accepted and I declined. I turned back to my desk before I could be questioned, and I heard them say they would invite the others too. Before long, I saw them leaving with Rossi and Garcia.

I turned and looked up towards Hotch's office and saw him working over his desk. I watched him for a short while. He was quite attractive, I had just always refrained from addressing that with myself in case it caused problems; sleeping with your boss was never a good idea. I watched too long, because he looked down and met my eyes, obviously sensing that someone was watching him. I dropped my eyes and spun back to my desk quickly. I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my hands, my elbows resting on the desk. That was embarrassing, although I knew that he had no idea what I was thinking about.

I stayed later than everyone else; being alone only left time to think about Jay and Mick. At about nine, I heard Hotch close his door above the bullpen. A few seconds later I heard him speak, "Let's go."

I looked up at him, now standing beside my desk, "Excuse me?"

"Let's go. We're getting a drink."

"No, that's okay. Go home."

"Prentiss," He took my coat from the back of my chair and grabbed my bag, "Let's go." He repeated. I stood and let out a defeated sigh. He held my coat out for me to slip into and I thanked him quietly. I closed my computer down and followed him to the elevators.

We got to the bar within fifteen minutes. He ordered himself a beer and me a scotch. I raised my eyebrows at him as I thanked him and we walked over to a free table. "You just look like you need something a bit harder tonight."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"No, absolutely not. I'm just trying to be here for you."

There was silence for a short while as we took a few sips from our drinks and looked around, "He only got two years." I spoke quietly. I didn't know why it came out, but after that first part, I couldn't stop the rest, "Four other women came forward after they heard he was arrested. He raped at least five people, three of which couldn't prove it, and he only got two years."

"I'm sorry." He spoke just as quiet. He wasn't sure how to reply to me, I could tell. I didn't need him to say anything, I just wanted to say it. "The system needs to be re-established; people are getting away with a slap on the wrist after ruining people's lives."

"He didn't ruin my life." I said defensively. I saw him look at me, "I'm sorry." I apologised for snapping. I don't know why that set me off for a second.

"Do you want to tell me about what happened with Rawson?" Even he had noticed it. Either that or someone brought it up.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess that I need to sleep with someone that I trust before I can jump back into it." My thought from earlier returned and I looked up at him. I tilted my head as our eyes met and I smiled.

I saw the realisation wash over him, "Prentiss—"

"I know, it's against the rules and one of us could lose our jobs and it isn't worth it, not to mention that I am not your type."

"Actually, you are." He spoke boldly now, "And I wasn't going to say any of that. I was going to say that if you think it will help you and we are in agreement that: one, it means nothing, and two, no one finds out, then I guess I could help."

I laughed as I shook my head, "Perfect," I met his eyes again and I closed my mouth quickly, "Oh, you're serious…"

"I kind of already guessed that you'd conclude you needed to be with someone you trusted, and that is why I invited you out."

"Is that also why you got me a scotch?" I raised my eyebrows with a small smirk.

"No, you genuinely looked like you needed it. After what you went through, I don't think that getting you drunk before offering to sleep with you is a very smart move."

I laughed again and bit my lip as I looked at him, "You don't have to do this."

"I don't think about us sleeping together often, although I will admit it has come to mind on a few occasions. I'm not just trying to do you a favour, Emily. I am a man, after all, and I'm not blind." I saw him look down to my body momentarily before returning to my eyes.

I drank the rest of my drink and looked at my hands for a few seconds before I looked back at him, "Your place or mine?" I smiled at the cliché, and his smile broke through too, laughing at me.

"Yours is closer." He said as he stood.

"Oh, we're in a rush." I smiled as I stood and slipped my coat on. He shook his head and guided me out of the bar. I noticed that he stayed rather close to my side, and I knew he was doing it for my piece of mind. I still felt unsafe in bars.

"Condom?" He asked, out of breath. His lips met my pulse point on my neck and I moaned quietly, lifting my hips up to cause any friction.

"Pill, clean, top drawer."

"What?"

"You don't have to use one, but if you're more comfortable that way, then top draw." I explained, rolling my eyes. He replied by entering me slowly, letting my body adjust as we went. I noted that I hadn't panicked when Hotch took my underwear off.