NOTE: Very late update on my part. I do have good reason and if you care to know so, it is on my Ao3 account version of this chapter...

This is a big lemon chapter so: In keeping with FF's policies, this is the censored version of this chapter. The full uncensored can be found on my Ao3 account: ValiantEpic. So, be WARNED: smut is ahead. Enjoy...

BLOODY BUT UNBOWED — CHAPTER FIVE

The next day the Levi squad were assigned to 3D maneuvering gear training and assisting newer recruits by overseeing their use of the gear. Even as they worked in small groups running through standard trails and exercises and slashed and shot at targets, it wasn't long before Armin noticed that Mikasa wasn't quite herself. Not only were her movements with the gear slower than average but he caught several brief moments when she winced or cursed under her breath while moving through the air, particularly when she shot her gas and redirected her position. That, and her right hand was bandaged. They'd spent the last two days cleaning equipment and her hand wasn't wrapped then. How and when could she have hurt herself?

Armin caught her on the way to the dining hall after training.

"Mikasa."

Mikasa turned to her longtime comrade and even longer friend. His hair was short now. Shorter than hers. A nicer cut that still made him look as young as he was but more mature than the previous style.

"Hey, Armin."

"Is your hand okay? You didn't have that wrapped yesterday."

She glanced at her hand. Surely, she expected her comrades to notice something as obvious as this, and yet no one had asked her all day about it. Either they didn't care, didn't notice, or were too scared to ask. She was not always the most approachable of people. Not these days. Not when so many more important things revolving around the future of their island hung in the air. She knew that Armin would ask her sooner than later. He was probably the only one who she'd tell the truth to, who she felt comfortable sharing this private information with. And yet, she was still nervous about it. Because although she trusted Armin with this kind of sensitive information, it didn't mean that she was ready to tell him all of it. It was very personal. And it made her anxious to have to lie to her dear friend. Maybe just for now. Just for a little. Just until things about the future became clearer.

So at the dining hall, Mikasa asked Armin to sit at a back table away from all the other squads and told him that she'd been having late night private training sessions with Levi and that they were completely harmless except that she punched a tree bark super hard the night before.

Armin took a sip of his water and nodded.

"That makes sense." Mikasa watched him, waiting for his further analysis. "I mean, you and the captain are literally the only ones who can compete with each other. Training together is probably the only effective way for both of you to improve."

He sliced several pieces of zucchini before jabbing his fork into one.

"But, why are you two training so late? Is there a reason it's such a secret?"

"It's not," Mikasa said quickly. "Well, not really."

"Then why did you want to tell me away from everyone else?"

Mikasa knew she would not be able to keep this lie up forever. It did seem particularly suspicious that she and Levi were secretly training together at ungodly hours and keeping it from their fellow comrades.

"We train at night because we can't sleep." Mikasa told him how they caught each other taking a walk late at night and after a conversation decided to embark in these training sessions to not only help each other fight but also help with sleep. "It's weird to tell people we're training so late without overexplaining things."

Armin watched her as she spoke. He watched as her eyes shifted to different areas around them. Their food, other tables, the wall. Avoiding his eyes. He noticed the fidgeting movement of her hands. But he would not press it further.

"I think it's great that you two can help each other." He offered her a genuine smile. "You're both the best forces we have against Marley. And our best chance at seeing Eren again and getting him back home."

Mikasa did not miss how his eyes dropped. "And so are you Armin. You're just as important to our task. Whatever it will be. We still don't know right."

Armin shook his head. They had not been privy to any information about Eren or Marley. Either the higher ups didn't have anything or they were keeping it from them for now. But the latter did not make sense to Armin and he figured they would all know soon enough.

"I suppose they're waiting for another letter from Eren before we can appropriately make preparations and strategize a move on Marley, assuming Eren hasn't sided with them."

"He hasn't," Mikasa said. "There's no way."

"I believe that too. I just can't figure out what his alternative plan would be." Armin shook his head. The years he spent making decisions, plans, and plots with Eren as they maneuvered uncovering the mystery of the titans left him feeling somewhat empty and in the dark. He did not have the confidence of his best friend to help him figure this all out together, like they normally would. But he of course found solace and comfort in other silences.

"What do you think the military will do with him after we find him?"

Armin let out a deep breath. "That's hard to say. We don't know what moves Eren is making in Marley with Zeke. We don't know his plan. And to the military, being left out in the dark and without their biggest weapon against the outside world does not come with no consequences. I'm sure they will want to discuss with Eren his intentions in all this. But until we get word from him, we can't be sure."

Armin recognized the look in Mikasa's eyes.

"Make no mistake, though. The military cannot do without Eren's power. We need him. And he needs us too. When the time comes, I know we'll work together and figure this out."

When Armin gave her a small smile, Mikasa felt inclined to smile back, feeling somewhat placated by her friend's words. She dug into her potatoes, they were getting cold.

That night, Mikasa tossed and turned in futile attempts to drift off to sleep. Her hand throbbed softly. She had iced it before training and after dinner. She kept closing her eyes and tried to focus on the empty darkness, complete nothingness, to help her doze off. But then other things would pop into her conscious without preamble.

Like the sound of the shower water hitting her. The sound of Levi's ragged breaths and his subtle moans. The way he moved across the mounds and curves of her body, leaving little without attention.

Her sore thighs clenched reflexively and Mikasa rolled her eyes with a grunt, her fist coming down on her mattress.

This is ridiculous, she thought, angry at her own bodily desires that she couldn't completely control. How she hated that—not being in control. And at the same time, it felt blissfully different, relieving. She wondered what Levi was doing. Probably making rounds along the training grounds, sleepless. Perhaps shadow fighting with the dark cold air.

She didn't want to know. Didn't have the gull enough to find the answers to her musings. So she closed her eyes again and kept them closed.

Three days had passed since Mikasa had injured her hand. It was much better now. No more swelling or throbbing or pain. She could properly train again and fight and eat and do other things…

But when she stepped outside late at night into the training grounds, Levi was nowhere to be found. She waited a bit, perhaps her timing was off. But he did not appear. Maybe he'd already taken his walk for the night. And it's not like Mikasa told him she was ready to spar again and to rendezvous with her. She couldn't because he had been gone, off on another meeting and had barely seen him that day. She had barely spoken to him in the last few days, much less made any more than necessary eye contact.

Jeez. She felt like such a coward. She was not used to this kind of… dynamic with someone. She didn't know what was right or wrong or weird or not. And unlike fighting or in moments of fight or flight decisions where she knew exactly what to do, thanks to her bloodline, when it came to these personal activities and relationships, she had no idea how to rightly proceed. And that frustrated her. Annoyed her.

It made her want to act on impulse just to prove to herself that she could overcome this feeling of anxiousness she wasn't used to. She was Mikasa-fucking-Ackerman for goodness sake. The soldier worth one hundred soldiers. The most physically adept in her squad. One of the best in the scouts. She usually just naturally went throughout her day with confidence, but for some reason, when it came to this, this very physical and lust-ridden dynamic with Levi, she froze up. She hated it.

She remembered that night with him in shower. How he had commanded her body, led the entirety of their activities, because she was less experienced than him. She didn't want that again. She wanted to be the one to run the show. Not only to show him that she was a fast learner but mostly to prove to herself that this uncertainty she felt was only temporary. That it was something she could overcome.

What matters is if it feels wrong to you.

Mikasa made her way to the other side of castle, where Levi's quarters were located. And before she could talk herself out of it, she knocked three times on the door. And when Levi opened the door in an undershirt and sweats, Mikasa realized she had no idea how she was going to lead this interaction.

"Brat," he greeted her.

"You weren't at the training grounds." It was the obvious thing to say.

He raised an eyebrow. She looked ready with resolve. He didn't know she expected him at the grounds tonight.

Then a door behind her began to creak open. And before Mikasa could react, Levi's hand on her wrist pulled her into his bedroom behind him as he stood in front of his cracked open door. Mikasa's heart pounded for a moment. The movement was so fast and swift she could barely react.

"Levi?" the voice down the hall said. "Taking your stroll outside?" Hange.

"Already did," Levi responded.

Hange yawned into her hand. "It's convenient never having to worry about waking you. I'm going to take a piss. Try to get some sleep, will you."

He nodded in agreement, waiting to see them disappear down the hall, and then he shut the door.

"Hange doesn't know," Mikasa stated, thinking if for the first time.

"No. Not all of it. Not yet." He shrugged, knowing that Hange would catch on soon enough, no doubt. Then he looked at Mikasa with an unreadable expression but judging by his silence, he was waiting for her to continue.

"My hand is healed." She flexed her fist, free of any bandages.

He nodded. "We can resume training tomorrow."

Mikasa should have taken that as her cue to leave, that Levi wanted to be alone and lie awake for several more hours before succumbing to a another shitty night's sleep. But she caught the way his thumb rubbed the top of his fist. And he wasn't making eye contact with her. Actually, he looked like he was waiting for her to do something.

"I can't sleep," she said.

The single light atop his dresser made his body cast a large shadow across the room. A towering and wide darkness. He stared at her now.

"You could've gone for a walk. Or better yet, a run. But you're here."

She took three steps to stand directly in front of him.

"I thought I wanted to hit something."

In just her small T-shirt, Levi's eyes roamed across the flesh of her neck and collarbone. Thin and toned. She was always wearing that maroon scarf, he rarely got to see her exposed neck. Not until their training sessions. He found he liked her bone structure there. The perfect dip where he could lick and kiss.

"What do you want?" he said, voice low and leveled. Because he knew what he wanted. He could feel it in his core and in his loins. He could hear it when his mouth sighed against her skin.

I want what feels right, Mikasa answered to herself. She didn't look at him. She simply slowly pulled her hand over his waistband and groped him through his briefs.

It wasn't the exactly answer he was expecting but Levi breathed out in pleasure nonetheless. His hooded eyes locked with hers. He went to assault her neck but she turned away and instead got down one knee after the other.

Levi watched in mild stunned silence as Mikasa's hands pulled down his sweatpants, the band hiccupping as it passed over his growing bulge. Mikasa didn't dare look up into his eyes. Not yet. Not until she was sure they would be overridden with lust. But Levi's hand cupped her chin then, fingers splayed across her neck, and she had no choice but peer up at him. His hooded eyes seemed forever cool and steely in the dark, even as she freed him from his briefs. His lips parted just a breath, as if he wanted to say something. Maybe ask her something. Or perhaps he was trying to read her thoughts. But all he did was trace the outline of her lip with his thumb. Then he shut his eyes, his hand gently nudging her head forward.

Mikasa took him in the mouth, her eyes watching as Levi's head fell back as she tasted his length with her tongue.

It didn't take her long to understand what worked and what didn't. She paid attention to the way his jaw tensed and the grip of his hand in her hair.

"Fuck."

Mikasa moaned against him in response and Levi reluctantly withdrew himself.

(((((censored)))) [please visit my Ao3 account for the uncensored version]

"Brat," Levi grunted in response, and then kissed her fiercely, pumping into her quickly. He moaned loudly into her ear as he came inside her, spilling himself into her. Shit, how can she feel this good, he thought. He rolled off her in a huff.

For several moments, they stayed quiet, listening to each other catch their breaths.

Then Levi propped himself on one elbow, his mouth to her collarbone. "I like it when you come on top of me," he confessed. Mikasa found her hand in his hair, damp with sweat. How the hell was she turned on all over again?

Levi stood and fetched a towel. "I'm going to shower." And in a moment he was gone.

Mikasa took that as an open invitation and despite herself, she joined him.

By the way, what did everyone think of the manga ending?