A/N: This is a long one, but it's cute and worth it. Tweet me nikkiolive4 & let me know how this made ya feel.
Her smile is incredible. He hadn't seen it from her in such a long time, a real, bona fide Olivia Benson smile. It's beautiful. She knows he is thinking it because he always tells her and only seconds pass before he's confirming her thoughts. "Have I ever told you how much I like your smile?"
Her laughs are embarrassing. Her shoulders shake, something deep from her gut rumbles out of her mouth and she's even snorted a few times. Actually snorted right there in front of him and it'd sent them both into another fit of barreling laughter. Is this what it feels like to be happy?
"Yes, you've told me quite a few times."
"It's… everything."
Her smile is everything? What is that? What would he like her to say to a statement like that? She doesn't say anything. Olivia buries her face into her knee and she hides the smile that has turned into an embarrassingly goofy grin.
This isn't like her. She isn't this girl.
Her heart actually flutters when his hand wraps around her ankle and he tugs gently. "Why are you so far?"
"Because I've gotta go." Her eyes glance over to the clock on his end table before she turns back to him. "It's already 8:30."
He'd spent all week teasing her, his deep voice rolling into her ear about how much he's missed her smile, her lips, her tongue. She was in the thick of an investigation and when she wasn't in the office, her time was devoted to Noah. They spoke at least once a day and texted as often as possible, but it had been over four days since they last touched, last kissed so this was his idea.
Eli has practice at 7. After Noah goes to school, come over, read his last text to her.
She hadn't even bothered to respond. She left Noah sitting at the kitchen table eating cheerios with Lucy and with a small overnight bag, she'd arrived at Elliot's door wearing a plain white sleep shirt and striped pajama pants. Her face was free of makeup and he could see every freckle, every line, every beautiful flaw on her beautiful face. She loves this. The secrecy of it, sneaking off and meeting each other behind closed doors, telling people she's doing yoga or visiting her doctor when in reality, she's with him.
"Look at me," Elliot says, his hand tightening around her ankle again. "Ten more minutes."
"I only do this with you," she says softly.
He chuckles. "I'd hope so…"
"I mean be this late to work. At this rate, I won't go in until noon."
"One last kiss."
He's gotten her with this before. One last kiss, he'll say. Then suddenly she'd be beneath him, or up against a wall and once, late at night bent over her desk in her office. He's gotten her with this and still, she finds herself falling into his arms, her hands framing his face as his lips go for hers. Just kissing him makes her head spin and her heart implodes again and again. It's overwhelming and perfect and she'll never deny herself of this feeling ever again.
His hands slide down her naked back as his legs work to separate hers. His knees widen hers as his hands angle her toward him, cupping her ass. It's all too swift for her, the way he manipulates her body and she just lets him. He doesn't even pretend that this is just a kiss. He is positioned at her core almost immediately, but he only enters her when rocks her hips forward.
"Oh my God," she whispers as he slides against her slick walls, fitting himself deeper and deeper until she's taken him entirely.
"Just call in sick," Elliot groans into her cheek. She nods against him, but they both know it's a lie. She'll be showered, dressed, and at her desk all before 10. She is no-nonsense about her job and he respects her for it. Even as he slows down, he doesn't mind watching her stampede through.
He turns them to their sides and he hikes her leg up higher on his hip as he presses into her. He wants to look at her as he lazily fucks her in the morning. With the sun shining through the windows, the highlights in her hair are almost shimmering. The tears in her eyes glisten, but it's something he knows just happens when he's this deep inside of her. Right before she comes for him, her eyes expel silent tears and she shudders around him. It just feels so good, is what she tells him afterward.
"Right there," she instructs. He picks up his pace, his hands are squeezing at her ass, angling her hips as he thrusts inside of her.
"Oh, Liv," he mumbles, before he's repositioning them again until she's underneath him. His hips slammed into hers, his erection slicing through her, colliding with her until she shatters. His lips kiss on her neck and her jaw as her nails drag down his back.
How could this feel so good, she thinks. She knows it's only been three weeks. She knows this is probably a honeymoon period, but every time? It has to feel this good every single time? She's not even speaking English, nothing intelligible is coming out of her mouth, just a chorus of incomplete sentences, oh's and ah's.
Her walls have only slowed its contracting, not even fully stopping before he's already moving again. "Jesus," she whispers.
He peels his chest off of hers and he rests on his forearms so that he's able to see her face. "You okay?" He's amused by this. By how vocal she is because he knows she tries to hold back but is simply unable to. When the children are home or when they're in public, one of them usually has their hand fitted over her lips.
"Mm-hmm." She nods her head, not trusting her mouth to deliver words. He chuckles above her, his hand reaching for her jaw, then sliding lower, fitting gently around her throat. His thumb strokes the moist skin there before he thrusts his tongue into her mouth. Her legs widen and she wraps them around his waist, tilting her hips up to meet his. They kiss until they can't and their lips are just grasping at each other. She sinks his teeth into his shoulder, her tongue picking up his sweat as she licks to his neck. "Come for me," she commands softly. He groans and he curses as he releases himself inside of her, sparking another orgasm for her.
Again? Her body screams as she shudders around him.
Yes, she tells herself. Again.
—
"Are we seeing other people?"
Elliot's fingers still at his laptop for a moment, before he continues typing. "Thought you had Garland on your back and you needed to work all night," he says, his eyes never leaving the screen.
"Not all night." For emphasis, she closes her laptop before she puts it on the coffee table. They had been sitting side by side on her couch, doing paperwork in comfortable silence. Very reminiscent of the days, and some nights, they spent across from each other, or right next to each other working. Lifting her glasses off of her face, she turns and says, "it's just a question, El."
He follows her lead and he discards his laptop, before settling back onto the couch. His arm extends over and his hand finds a home between the crux of her neck and shoulder. A year ago his hand had brushed against her and she had flinched away. Tonight, her head instinctively falls and she rubs her chin across the top of his hand.
He squints his eyes and glances toward her before he asks, "did you meet someone?"
Olivia chuckles dismissively, "no."
"Is it someone from your past? An ex?"
"There's no one else," she whispers softly. It takes her a moment to build the confidence, but when she does she meets his gaze she's shocked to find how worried he appears. There is genuine concern flitted across his face and she worries that maybe she shouldn't have even asked.
"Sounds like there is," he grunts.
"It was just a question, Elliot," she repeats. "I didn't want to be presumptuous." She cracks a smile, hoping to alleviate some of the new awkward tension lingering between them.
His face remains even. "I'm not seeing anyone else."
"Good," she says, going for unpretentious. But he still looks worried and maybe she should've just allowed herself the one moment to squeal in delight. He could've used it, seeing how truly happy it made her, knowing that she was the only one. But she's Olivia and this embarrassing portion of her that gets goosebumps when he says the right thing is absurd. She's still fighting the fuzziness of being this enamored by someone. She's fighting it while she still can because she knows the day is coming. There'll be a day where she won't be able to hide her goofy grin or the maddening blush in her cheeks and she'll hate it. "Just didn't want any misunderstandings," she says, trying her best to sound reassuring. She turns her body to face him, her leg curled underneath her. She reaches out, her hands fitting across his right thigh. "Elliot, stop thinking whatever you're thinking. It was just a question. I'm happy." With you.
"You know that I'm in love with you, right?" he asks, his voice so even, so sure.
"Yeah, for some odd reason," she jokes and this time he smiles.
"You scare me. Do you know that, Benson?" Elliot's hand drifts lower, falling into the small of her back. He gently guides her over to him, spinning her until she's sitting across his lap. Instead of answering him, her arms wrap around his shoulders and her lips chase his. His right hand drags up the length of her thigh, before fitting it under the curve of her ass.
"We're on the couch," she whispers against his lips.
"It's innocent," he lies, this time dragging his hand up her torso, curving around her breast. His finger passes over her nipple as his lips seek the soft skin at her throat.
"None of this is innocent!" Olivia chides, feigning annoyance. But he knows by her breathing, by the flush in her cheeks that she is anything but annoyed. "Are you trying to have sex with me on the couch?"
"Yes, actually," he says laughing. His nose nuzzles her jaw before he lines their lips up again. "I love you." He gives her a quick kiss and her hands dart to cup his cheeks.
Her eyes flit between his. She wants him to see it in her eyes when she says it to him. "I love you, too."
It's always been a competition, so he takes it a step further. It isn't the first time he's said it, but like she's just said, he doesn't want there to be any room for misunderstandings. "I'm in love with you."
He's just said it sixty seconds ago. Maybe it's the inflection in his voice this time that makes Olivia's eyes widen. "It's only been a month and a half."
"You know that's not true."
She smiles because it isn't. Her eyes close, but her smile remains when she says it, "I'm in love with you, too."
"Good. I hope we're on the same page now, Captain."
"We are, Sergeant."
His eyes widen this time. "You've been keeping tabs on me?"
"I've got spies everywhere."
"Fin told you. He's our only spy, you know."
"He's your only spy. I have people everywhere," she teases. "I'm confident you passed. Why wouldn't you tell me yourself? I'm a little insulted." When he shrugs his shoulder and his eyes falter from hers, she smiles. As confident and sure of himself as he usually is, she's been seeing a new side to him. The Elliot who is openly in love with her can actually be a little shy under the right circumstances. "Soon as you get your letter in the mail, I'll take you to dinner to celebrate. We can grab a great steak and drink expensive wine."
His hand finds her jaw and he pulls her to him for a lingering kiss. "I'd like that." He pulls away from her, his eyes taking in the contentment and easiness oozing out of her. He's proud to play a part in this, in her happiness. "The girls want me to let you know that I signed a lease."
"So you're staying." She's already known this. That he wouldn't, that he couldn't leave now, even if he wanted to.
"I'm staying."
—
She sees him through her blinds. He talks to Fin and Amanda for a moment before he turns in her direction. He peeks through the window and she smiles softly before she turns her attention back to her laptop. She's not doing anything particularly important, just scrolling through the emails not marked urgent that have been neglected all day.
When he finally walks into her office, she grins but she doesn't look up until she sends her final email for the day. He stands at her desk, planting his hands on either side of her laptop, leaning into her. Olivia wheels back, the back of her chair hitting the cabinet behind her, just marginally missing his lips. "What are you doing?"
"Saying hello," he answers, still suspended over her desk.
"You were going to kiss me."
"Exactly."
"Not here." His eyes squint as he realizes she really won't kiss him. "Turn around," she says. When he looks over his shoulder, still sitting on top of a desk with his arms folded over his broad chest is Fin. He smiles and waves all while Amanda turns away and pretends to type. Of course, they had an audience.
They've noticed the subtle changes. The howling laughter that sometimes drifts from her office during phone calls with him. The way she has started cracking jokes again. Her team hadn't known her to be particularly funny, and now for some odd reason, she thinks she's a comedian. "Is it Stabler?" Fin had come right out and asked and she wouldn't have expected anything less from him. Her response had been simple. "No, it's me."
They've been happy. He makes her happy, and even in the moments he doesn't, she still finds reasons to smile.
"Can't imagine what one kiss would've done," Elliot grumbles, standing to his full height. He walks to the window and he closes the blinds, glaring at her from across the room as Fin, Amanda and the rest of the squad room disappear from sight. "You're ridiculous."
"You're my subordinate," she cracks back. She's professional and she knows how it could look, so she's careful. She's smart. Garland had already accepted her meeting request and maybe after she's disclosed to him of her personal relationship with Elliot Stabler, then maybe she'll be comfortable enough to kiss him in her office, with prying eyes in view.
Olivia stands and she meets him in the middle of her office, her left hand gripping the back of his head, forcing his mouth down on hers. Her tongue infiltrates his mouth as her right hand curls around his tie, squeezing it, holding him firmly against her. He snatches his mouth away, but he's still being held hostage by his necktie, so he doesn't get far.
"Kissing me like that in here is going to get us both fired," he tells her, his tone and his eyes deadly serious.
"Give me fifteen minutes," she says, looking up at him innocently. She gives him one last kiss, her lips wrapping gently around his bottom lip, leaving her lipstick smudged across his mouth. "We can grab an early dinner. Don't have to be home 'til 7." She sidesteps him and she walks back to the window, her hand wrapping around the tilt wand on the blinds.
"Let's go grocery shopping. We'll cook. I miss Noah and I haven't seen him all week."
Her heart swells and she hesitates for a split second before she opens the blinds. If she hadn't been standing a few feet away from him, if she hadn't already been opening the blinds, she doesn't know what would've happened. She imagines herself on her knees for him, taking him in her mouth because more than his handsome smile and his incredible body, his devotion to developing a solid relationship with her son has become the sexiest thing about him.
"That sounds great, babe."
"You can call me babe in here but I can't kiss you?" Her eyes roll, but she doesn't say anything. "You think they know who you are outside of here? They know you take an hour putting on lotion every night? You think they know you like to cuddle?"
"Everyone should have a good skincare routine," Olivia challenges. "And why wouldn't I like to cuddle?"
"They know you like romantic movies? And that you like to take walks? That you snort when you laugh hard enough? And even though you deny it, you love to shop."
"I do love to shop," Olivia admits as she pulls her office door open. "Be a good boyfriend," she whispers, "and give me your credit card."
His neck jerks his head forward and the amusement dances across his features. "I'm your boyfriend?"
Fuck. "I didn't mean—"
"You said it," he says, lifting his hands, feigning innocence. "If you wanted me to be your boyfriend Liv, you should've just asked. My answer is yes."
She laughs because he's funny. He is a light for her, a constant bright spot lately, and even when he incessantly teases her about her softer side, he's the only person she's ever really seen herself with. It feels good now that what they've become has finally dulled the pain of the last year, of the last decade.
—
Their conversation had been brief and straightforward. "Where are you? Can I pick you up?" She had recognized the desperation in his voice immediately.
"With Noah. Having pancakes. What's going on?"
"It's Maureen... the baby. She hasn't pooped in three days!" Her panic settles and she smiles at Elliot the grandfather. He's just as dramatic, just as protective, if not more. "She's added formula to the baby's diet and it's been hell. She's supposed to give her a suppository... she can't do it. And I am not…I can't do that. Her husband, he's so goddamn useless—"
She had laughed into the phone, laughed at the father of five who was freaking out over poop. "I'll send you our location."
Olivia glances at Noah who's head is pressed against the backseat window. In the way that adolescent boys are, he is unreasonable and now overly upset. He had wanted dessert and though his mother had promised to make up for it, he takes the twenty-five-minute drive into Queens to sulk.
He also isn't particularly fond of Uncle Elliot anymore, not after seeing him kiss Olivia's cheek when she sat down in the car next to him. Elliot's hand drops into her lap and before he goes for her thigh, before he intimately squeezes it as he has now made it a habit, she grabs his hand and claws her fingers through his.
"You're holding my mom's hand," Noah observes from the back seat.
Elliot steals a glance at him through the rearview mirror before he responds. "Yeah I am, buddy. Is that ok?"
"And you kissed her."
"Noah," Olivia turns around to give her son a questioning look, lifting a cautionary eyebrow at him. When she sits right in her seat, a smile pulls at her lips, because she's raised this protective little man and a piece of her is proud of it.
Despite his mother's warning, Noah huffs behind them. "Do you like each other? Like like each other?"
"Would that be so bad?" Elliot asks after a moment of silence.
"She likes you."
"Noah Benson!" Olivia exclaims, but there's laughter in her voice. "Conversation is over." She pulls out her tablet from her bag and offers it to him. "Please, no more talking."
After Noah has started watching a video and begins laughing quietly to himself, Elliot finally fits his hand between her thighs, his pinky brushing against the heat at her core. She bites back a moan and he notices but doesn't mention it. "You embarrassed?" he whispers.
Olivia eyes his hand before she looks up at him. "Shut up."
"Not nice," comes from her son.
"Listen, about Maureen..." Elliot clamps down on his bottom lip before he sighs. "It hasn't been easy. Please don't... don't tell her she looks like a train wreck—"
"Why would I ever—"
"Kathleen said it last weekend and Maureen still isn't talking to her."
"She's a new mom, El. I've been there," she smiles. "It's hard, but she'll be fine."
"She knows how to care for the baby, she's been an older sister for practically her whole life. Can't help but think she just wishes she had Kathy. It's really settling in and... she's having a rough patch."
"Postpartum?"
He shrugs. "I don't think so... maybe. I just know it'd be easier if Kath was here."
"I'm sure."
"Geez, you look gorgeous. Where were you? Out?"
Olivia waves her off, letting the compliment roll off of her back. It's the weekend, so her hair rests in its natural wave. Her top is flowy and floral and the tight jeans she wears had been for Elliot's benefit solely. They'd had plans to meet up some time later in the day, and he's mentioned it more than once that he loves her ass in jeans. But she doesn't tell his daughter that. "Your dad said you needed some help with Khloe?"
Maureen doesn't look like a train wreck. Her hair is unwashed, there are stains on her t-shirt and there are remnants of tears in her eyes, but not a train wreck. A fender bender is more like it. "I don't know why I didn't take her to the doctor Friday. She was gassy then. And fussy... and I... I thought she'd be okay!"
"It's just a tummy ache," Olivia says reassuringly. "The minute she goes, she'll be fine."
"She's crying a lot. Dad had me do these stupid bicycle exercises with her legs but she just passed gas and that was it. She barely burps for me. My stupid breasts. I've bought the cookies, the vitamins, drink gallons of water but my milk supply is just limited."
Maureen's rambling doesn't frighten her, but Olivia definitely understands Elliot's desperation to fix this for his child. "Where is she?" Olivia asks.
Maureen guides her through her home and Olivia doesn't even have a chance to take it all in. "Where's dad?"
"He and Noah are parking. Said the parking can be a pain and he didn't want to make me walk."
"A gentleman," Maureen says with a weak smile. "He could've parked in the driveway. He knows that." Interesting, Olivia thinks. He had wanted alone time with Noah. They walk into the nursery and Olivia's heart swells. Little Khloe's face is scrunched as she whimpers, her legs jabbing into the air.
"Oh, look at this sweet girl," Olivia says, peering into the crib, looking into Khloe's crystal blue eyes. She looks just as miserable as her mother. "Undress her. Let me wash my hands."
"We're doing this right now?"
"It's why I'm here, right? It's no problem. I've been here before, I've done it all."
Maureen explains the doctor's recommendations. She could've waited until Monday and brought her in then, but she didn't think she could go another night with baby Khloe as uncomfortable as she is. She's also thought about the emergency room but she doesn't want to be laughed out of the hospital. "I wish I could do it, but I don't have the stomach for it. I can't even see... we're using the children's suppository. The doctor says to cut it in half and—" The doorbell rings again just as Olivia walks back into the nursery. Her denim jacket is gone and her sleeves are pulled up. She collects the naked baby from the crib and Maureen hovers for a moment before she finally goes for the door. "Be right back."
The moment Maureen is out of sight, Olivia lies the baby down on her changing table. She really has done this before. Noah had been older, but still a baby. An innocent little baby looking for just a little relief. By the time Maureen and Elliot are walking back into the room, Olivia has made good on her promise. She has Khloe back in a diaper and they're seated in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. Khloe gives the tiniest grunts, her cheeks turning red, her blonde eyebrows furrowing for a moment before she finds release as her diaper finally fills. Khloe immediately relaxes in Olivia's lap, her legs stretch and she yawns once for her eyes slip closed.
"She was tired," Olivia tells them. "Let's get her out of this diaper, huh?" But when she looks up, Maureen has crumbled into a weeping mess.
"Oh God, is she really asleep?"
"Not for long," Olivia chuckles, her eyes meeting Elliot's. He's appears bewildered and proud and she kind of wants him to walk over and kiss her. His crying daughter takes precedence. Unfortunately. "Maureen, grab some water. I'll change her, dress her and I'll have her back down in no time."
"Honey, how about a shower?" Elliot says softly. "I think Liv's got this."
She doesn't kiss other people's children, especially after becoming a mother herself. She hated seeing people kiss on his fat cheeks, kiss on his hands when he constantly shoved them into his mouth. She's actually had to tell people, grown adults to keep their lips off of her child. But Khloe is gorgeous and is somehow, in some weird stretch, her family. Olivia nuzzles her blonde hair, before nuzzling her plump cheek. She plants a soft kiss on her button nose before she holds her to her chest. It is all second nature. She was able to change the baby efficiently thanks to the warmer that made sure the wipes were soothing and not shocking. She slipped her into a pink onesie with a tutu cutely wrapped around the bottom of it. Khloe is too old to be swaddled but still clutches to her blanket as she sleeps soundly in Olivia's arms.
"I know I should put her down," she says softly to Elliot. He's just walked back into the room, but she doesn't look up. Her eyes are glued to the angel in her arms. She looks for signs of Kathy and Elliot on her adorable face, but it's still too scrunched up to tell.
"I can't believe I missed out on this."
"On what?"
"On seeing you with your baby."
Geez, she thinks. She clears her throat. "How's Maureen?"
"Do you know her husband went into work today? Said he couldn't take it. The crying. I'm gonna find that guy—"
"Give him some slack."
"Did you see Maureen?"
"She's a new mom. It's hard," Olivia whispers, bringing her nose down to smell Khloe again. She smells just like the Aveeno lotion she used on Noah and she smiles at the tears. When the hell did she ever get so emotional? "Can we borrow her? I'd like to take her home."
"If you think Maureen looks bad now, she looks even worse when she's without the baby."
"Who could blame her? Look at this angel."
Elliot smiles at her baby voice. He's shocked that she even has one. Sure he's seen her with babies and little children, but it's never been like this. He's also seen photos of her with Noah but they didn't do her justice. "Do you mind staying for an early dinner? I'm going to whip something up so Maureen doesn't have to. Noah is in the kitchen having a snack. Said you promised him a cupcake?"
"I did," she says with a smile. Barely an hour later and of course Noah is reconciling what he'd lost out on at brunch. "Just give me five more minutes with her and I'll help you cook."
—
Khloe sleeps quietly in her crib and when she wakes two hours later, when they're sitting around the dinner table with Maureen, her husband Jack, Noah, Eli, and Kathleen, Olivia offers her services. Dinner isn't as awkward as she imagined, especially when Kathleen and Eli arrive unannounced. The focus is on the sister feud between Kathleen and Maureen and the tension between father and son-in-law. Olivia briefly wonders if she's just dad's old partner to them, or if they know he's in love with her. That she's in love with him.
Eli is teaching Noah about soccer and she hears him promise to kick the ball around with him later. It feels normal and comfortable, so when Maureen says, "sure," Olivia is happy to have her trust. She feels Elliot's eyes on her as she ruffles Noah's hair on her way out of the room and she meets Elliot's gaze for one lingering moment before she disappears completely.
Khloe is happy and gurgling and they're both all smiles when Olivia has her in her arms again. Maureen has the nursery organized and easily accessible so Olivia changes her, fits a cap on her little head, and socks over her pink toes before she walks back into the kitchen. "I think she got some much-needed rest," Olivia announces.
"Wow. She's not even the same baby," Jack wonders aloud. "Thank you, Olivia. Can you leave all of your contact information? Please? Can I call you at all hours?"
"No," Elliot grumbles. "You can't."
"Maureen knows how to reach me," Olivia smiles, quickly covering for Elliot's abrasiveness. "And if she can't, I'm sure her dad will find me." Olivia's free hand slips onto Elliot's shoulder, but before she can grasp, he flinches under her touch. She doesn't give herself the space to be annoyed, she just pulls back and rests her hand on Khloe's back.
"What are the business hours for a captain? Nine to five?"
"I wish," Olivia muses.
"Seriously, Liv," Kathleen says with a laugh. "Can we put you on call? We'll pay you. As the best aunt in the world, and best baker, I'll personally deliver baked goods to your home on a regular basis to see this happy baby again."
"The best baker?" Maureen jabs.
Olivia plasters a smile on her face and she buries her nose in Khloe's hair as the Stabler family, plus Noah, chat across her. She's not hungry anymore and even when Elliot tries to touch her thigh under the table, she angles away from him. The rejection slowly becomes deafening and the logical side of her brain floats away.
Logic tells her that maybe it's too soon.
Her heart screams that it's been over twenty years. It's me, she yells internally.
Despite all of the times he's told her that he loves her, despite the effort they've both put in, the errant idea that he doesn't truly want her digs into her. She isn't Kathy. She doesn't belong here. Khloe, even as she holds onto a handful of her shirt and bounces happily in her lap, is not her grandchild. She bites into the inside of her bottom lip and she does her best to push these thoughts aside.
She'd been invited here, she reminds herself.
It isn't long before Khloe is fighting to move around the table, she spends time with Elliot, then Kathleen and when Kathleen finally gives her back to Maureen, Khloe is pawing at her shirt. She excuses herself to nurse while Jack, Kathleen, Noah and Eli clear the table.
"Are you coming home with me, Eli? Or are you staying with your sisters?" Elliot asks. "We'll just have to drop off Liv and Noah."
"Noah wants to see the water first. I told him he could see the Empire State Building from here. He doesn't believe me."
"Sure, for a minute. That okay, Liv?" Elliot seeks her eyes, but she refuses to look at him. With Khloe gone, with Noah suddenly obsessed with Eli, she has no one to distract herself with. Once the children filter out of the room, Elliot leans into her. "Liv?" His hand finally sinks into her hair and he forces her head in his direction. "Stop."
"You stop," she whispers.
Even as they make it the two blocks away and are walking into Herman McNeil park, nestled on the shore of a small Queens neighborhood known as College Point, Olivia doesn't say a word to Elliot. They stand side by side and Eli points out the Manhattan buildings just across the East River. "I told you," she hears Eli tell Noah, pointing to the Empire State building.
The sun is setting and it's romantic in a way, to be here with their sons. She focuses on the waves, the skyline, the way her son laughs with Eli, and she ignores Elliot when his arms hug her from behind. He kisses the back of her head, burying his nose in her hair. "Thank you for today."
She nods but says nothing.
"You look beautiful. You're not even trying. How did I get so lucky?" he teases. She doesn't want to open her mouth, because she has never been good at holding her tongue, not when her feelings are this hurt. The last thing she wants is to do is argue and ruin a day that at least the kids have enjoyed. "Oh come on. Nothing?"
She shifts in his arms and she looks at him over her shoulder. "Can we talk about it later?"
"Fine," he whispers. He gives her a quick kiss before he releases her and they close the gap between them and the boys.
"Mom, an airplane! Look!" Noah points in the sky as a plane slices through the orange sky.
"I see it, buddy."
—
Noah somehow cons Elliot to stop for dessert, so by the time they reach Olivia's apartment, he is exhausted. Elliot helps them upstairs, while Eli waits in the car and Olivia already knows that the conversation will be short and probably leave her just as upset. Noah's snores buzz around them as Olivia meets Elliot in the hallway, much like a few weeks ago after she'd kissed him for the first time. It's deja vu when she walks up to him, invades his space but she doesn't make contact. "You flinched," she accuses.
"That wasn't a flinch."
"You pulled away from me. A little embarrassing, wouldn't you think?"
"I got nervous," he admits. "It means nothing."
"You just tried to make out with me in my squad room, you realize that?" she asks. Instead of giving him a chance to answer, she continues, "and what did you talk to Noah about when you went to park the car?"
"Why are you assuming that we had a conversation?" Her eyebrow lifts before he softens. "It was a man to man thing. I asked him if it's okay that I date you because I really do like you like you."
Her feelings are bruised, but the idea that Elliot asked Noah for his permission to date her? What the fuck is this alternate universe and why does she love him this way? Why does he manage to piss her off so easily? Seemingly without even trying. And then he goes and melts her heart. "What did he say?"
Elliot grins cockily. "He's fine with it."
"I bet," she whispers because she doesn't have anything else to say. He's got her stumped and her feelings have reached a sort of impasse, leaving her just standing there.
"I don't want to rub it in their faces, Liv. They know. They're not stupid. They know we are seeing each other."
"It..." Her brown eyes search for the right word before she finally settles, "sucked."
He laughs softly, reaching out and brushing her hair out of her face. "You're reading way too much into it."
"Maybe you're not ready," Olivia blurts.
"Seriously?" he asks. "Why even waste our time with this?"
"With what?"
He bends down and he captures her lips in a quick kiss. "Eli is waiting for me. I love you. This isn't me walking out on you. It's me ending this conversation before you overthink out loud. I don't want to fight." He turns around and he starts walking toward the door.
If he wants to leave she'll let him, she decides. Fuck him, she thinks to herself.
"We're not over," Elliot tells her, knowing her thoughts without her even saying a word. "Ever. I'm not entertaining even the thought. I'll call when I get home. I love you. Good night, Liv."
"Love you, too," she whispers because she fucking does, even though tonight she hates it a little. A smile settles on her face and her eyes roll. Is this how people in love who are their age argue? They end the conversation before something crude is said? They skip over the entire argument, settle the confusion and then kiss good night to calm down? This isn't the Elliot she knows. He hasn't raised his voice, he doesn't even appear upset. He gives her one last smile before he closes the door behind himself. "Night," she mumbles.
—
"Stop standing so close to me. We look like we're together." She's teasing him, but she sees the annoyance ripple through him. His posture straightens and his eyes do a once over, looking for someone else besides her to talk to.
"Because we are," is his curt response.
Olivia leers at him. He doesn't know about her meeting with Garland. He doesn't know that she had to stand there and let her superior laugh in her face and ask her what took her so long. He doesn't know any of this and still, he stands too close and looks too long.
"We are together, Liv."
"It doesn't help that we're matching." She motions between her floral dress that somehow matches his green tie and though they didn't, it looks like they've gotten ready together and are purposely coordinated. It's cute. They're cute, she decides...but she won't tell him that. She fits her green clutch under her arm and she leans into him whispering, "we look like we're a part of the wedding party. Like we're about to walk down the aisle."
"They've already gotten married. No one is walking down an aisle. Especially not us." He bumps her shoulder with his as he makes his way further into the restaurant, leaving her standing there alone. A small smile flits across her face. As sweet as he is, she's happy to know that he is still her Elliot and his anger finally flaring up turns her on more than it pisses her off.
After flinch-gate, he'd brought her lunch and a single rose the next day. He delivered it all right to her desk, drew the blinds, and planted a kiss on her mouth. He apologized again, reiterated that she's the only woman he wants to be with before he had to leave and start his day. Though she'd forgiven him and it'd been weeks since, she still teases him.
As he sparks up a conversation with another cop, his broad back facing her, she thinks that maybe she had been laying it on too thick.
"Olivia!"
She turns and she finds Fin's son walking toward her with open arms. "Ken!" She spends time catching up with him, looking at photos of his son, and then they spend another ten minutes talking about how shocking it is that they are there to celebrate Fin and Phoebe's union as husband and wife.
Fin, her right hand, the most even-keeled person she knows has fallen in love, and that's a fairy tale all on its own. He had walked into her office two weeks ago and he'd told her then: We got married. We couldn't wait anymore. Ken had called her and Phoebe, and together they had thrown them a pseudo reception in the event space of a popular restaurant in DUMBO.
Her eyes seek Elliot out, forty-five minutes later, noting that he still hasn't come back to her. She's two drinks in and she'd had several conversations with people she hasn't seen in far too long. Both Munch and Cragen ask her about Elliot, hinting that they've known all along and both times she denies it. He was my old partner, she'd explained casually, and now we're good friends. No one believes her anymore and she doesn't even blame them. Not when she keeps looking for him, angling her body toward him and checking her phone to see if he's given in, and texted her.
When she finally gets to Fin and Phoebe, she compliments the bride's understated, but completely breathtaking fitted ivory dress and Fin's matching three-piece suit. "You look like celebrities," she tells them.
"When Stabler asks, will you say yes?" Fin asks, smiling cheekily at her.
"What do you know," she demands, her eyebrow lifting. Fin only eyes her back, holds his bride close to his side and she gives him a look, one that tells him this conversation is far from over. If it weren't for the guests still waiting to speak to them, she'd have gone full interrogation mode. She allows family members to slip in front of her and she spends time chatting with Carisi, Kat and Amanda before they disappear to the bar again. She secretly blames them all when she hears her name in Brian Cassidy's mouth. She's spun into an awkward hug and his overwhelming scent invades her senses.
"Brian," she says as a greeting once he's released her. His eyes are low and she smells the whiskey, but they are at a party. She gives him the benefit of the doubt. "How have you been?"
"I'm sorry I haven't returned your texts," Brian rushes out.
"I was just checking on you," Olivia says simply. Despite him still being right here in Manhattan, she hasn't seen him in years. She knows that he has been avoiding her and a piece of her doesn't fault him for it. "Are you doing alright? How's it going?"
"Good, good." He shoves his hands in his pockets and he mimics her stance. He faces away from her, looking around the restaurant just like her. He has an inkling about who she's looking for. "He's talking to Fin," Brian supplies, pointing in Elliot's direction.
"I wasn't—"
"I just spoke to him," he says cutting her off. "We talked about you."
Olivia gulps. Brian has always had the tendency to say whatever he is thinking and the conversation could've gone anywhere. Just the thought makes her fearful. "And what exactly did you say?"
"I said you looked great and it's killing me to be in a room with the love of my life when we aren't even speaking—"
Olivia does a double-take, her face quickly shifting from side to side. "You said what?"
"I know, Olivia. It's not gonna happen." He grins at her. "Told him you broke my heart. But he's still your best friend, right? Asked him to put in a good word."
"Are you kidding me? You don't even answer my text messages," she reminds him. Brian's hand grabs her elbow and he pulls her in closer. His mouth drops to her ear and she sees it the moment Elliot's eyes land on them. Great.
"I wanted to say thank you again. For…" Brian pauses to chew on his bottom lip. Olivia turns her attention back to Brian and she catches his sometimes blue, sometimes green eyes. For a second he looks like the boy in the photo, from a case years ago and her heart softens. "For everything. For… just being there, Liv. You have no idea…"
Her hand slips into his and she gives it a squeeze. "You've got a real friend in me, Bri."
"I know that."
She drops his hand and she sips at her drink. "I worry about you."
"For no reason."
"You're still drinking," she says, nodding her head toward the drink in his hand.
"And you still look so, so good, Liv." She glares at him and when she rolls her eyes away from him, she sees Elliot walking toward them. Of course, it'd take this. "You wanna get out of here?"
What? She turns to look at Brian again and she tries to figure out which part of this conversation made him think it'd be okay to even ask her that. "That a joke?"
"Cassidy, Captain Benson," Elliot greets as he closes the space between them.
"Detective Stabler," Olivia says, matching his overly polite tone. He'd just been buried inside of her hours ago. More counter sex. He'd arrived early and she'd been half-dressed and he just wouldn't rest until she slid her panties down for him. It'd been exhilarating, as it always is.
"Stabler, can you believe I can't get a date with my ex?"
"I believe it," Elliot says with a self-satisfied grin, his eyes never ever making contact with hers, even as she looks insistently at him.
"Did you know we lived together?" Brian asks, not picking up on Elliot's smugness or her discomfort. "We picked that apartment out together and she won't even—"
"Enough," Olivia says sternly. She forces a smile for appearances, her eyes drifting over the people around them, ensuring that no one has taken notice of their disaster moment.
Brian laughs. "I don't think I'm good enough."
"No one is," Elliot responds.
Olivia glares at Elliot, but she knows he's still annoyed about her teasing earlier, so she decides to handle him later. "Brian, did you come here with someone?"
"I'm here solo. Won't be leavin' solo though," he answers, his eyebrows wiggling at her.
"This is a joke," Olivia announces softly.
"I can take him on a walk. Get him in a taxi," Elliot offers, finally looking at her. He sees her patience wearing thin and despite their bickering, he still rescues her. She mouths thank you and the corner of his mouth lifts into a small smile. "It's still cocktail hour. How could he already be this drunk?"
"It's Brian," she says softly.
"How long were you two partners? A decade? How'd you do it, man?" Brian laughs to himself before he finishes his drink and drops his glass onto the closest table. "I'd have been all over her. You sure you never fu—"
Olivia gasps. "Brian!" Oh God, she doesn't want to do this here. She'd heard he'd been doing better lately, but she knows firsthand how quickly this could go from bad to worse. "Bri," she pleads softly.
"Just saying! Not even once? Hard to believe."
Elliot's large hand claps onto the back of Brian's neck, roughly pulling him away from Olivia. "Let's not be disrespectful here," he grumbles.
Olivia watches as Elliot shares words with Brian and the further away they get, the less she is able to hear. After a few moments, it's Brian asking for his own taxi. Elliot could've punched him in the face, she thinks. He probably wanted to, but he didn't. They've talked about Brian, even further than that one time in his hotel suite, and Elliot knows that Brian is still important to her. He knows the guilt she carries when it comes to him and maybe that's why she's seeing this calmer side to Elliot. He's doing this for her.
Elliot begins walking back toward her and she propels herself away from where they'd been standing, forcing one high-heeled encased foot in front of the other. He stops when he's a foot away from her, but she doesn't stop walking until her body is right up against his. "Are you—" Her lips cut him off, her mouth slipping right over his as her free arm slings around his neck. It's Fin and Phoebe's reception, filled with their family and friends, but at least a third of the room is NYPD. It's known now, Olivia accepts as her tongue invades Elliot's mouth and his hands grip at her hips, holding her tightly against him.
"I don't need saving," she reminds him softly, "but thanks for having my back."
"I am your old partner, right?"
Olivia laughs. Of course, word has gotten back to him. "I think it's pretty evident, El, that we are so much more."
.