A/N: Thanks for your patience- I'm finally feeling up to snuff- hope y'all enjoy! Make sure to let me know how you feel. Also, give me a follow on Twitter nightnursesteph
—-
It has been two days since she left his apartment. Two hours since he asked her to meet him at their favorite diner for lunch. Two minutes since she texted she'd be there in 5. And two seconds since the 200th time he checked his watch since that text.
Why is he so nervous? Liv is the opposite of nerve wracking. She is such a calming force. His constant. And maybe that's exactly where the nerves are coming from- he'd allowed her to be his stability not knowing that she, herself, was on shaky ground. He has never misread her this badly before and it has him shook.
He sees her come through the door and smiles at her. Despite the mask on her face, he can see the smile in her eyes. She's happy to see him. Thank God.
She sits before pulling her mask off and greeting him. Her face is healing nicely, he thinks and at almost the exact same moment she comments the same regarding his.
"Yeah, uh, it's doing better than I thought it would. " He stammers.
"You never told me what happened, El." She says, a compassion that makes his heart ache, saturates her tone. He feels homesick for her, even though she's within inches of him. He wants to unload his story because he needs her to do the same, but the thought of putting this beautiful soul in danger is holding him back.
But then she says it, "Please, just trust me."
And he can't not.
"I think Wheatley put a hit on Eli. Trying to send a message. Like the first one he sent wasn't clear enough." He's rubbing his eyes and shaking his head, still in disbelief that someone could try to hurt his innocent child.
"Oh my God, Elliot. They went after Eli? Why didn't you tell me? He can always stay with me and Noah. Always." God love her, she's still oblivious to the fact that she could be in danger too. She's blinded by her mama bear instinct- protect the cub, the cub is the important one.
"Liv, I can watch out for Eli. I need you to watch your back. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you or to Noah. That's why I asked you to back off. I need you to be safe. I wasn't here to protect you when you needed me and I refuse to ever fail you again." His eyes are staring directly into her eyes as they begin to well up with tears.
She blinks them away, breaking eye contact and looking down at her hands, "I guess you looked up Lewis."
When she looks back up at him he can see the past decade of pain reflected in her brown orbs. God, he hates himself. He was off in fucking Italy, in his beautiful apartment, drinking coffee on his terrace while she was being put through hell. The urge to fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness is impossible to ignore. She can hear the guilt in his voice when he finally speaks, "I did. I'm so sorry, Olivia. I'm so sorry I wasn't here."
"I am too. I've never wanted anyone more in my life." A sad smile occupies her lips. She can't believe she's having this conversation and she's shocked by her own honesty.
Elliot is too, but he's so happy for it. He needs her to give him some of the weight she's been carrying alone for so long. "If I would've known, Liv, you gotta know, I would've been here in a nano-second."
"I wasn't sure back then- when you left, I just thought, I don't know, that you must've hated me." She sounds so incredibly sad and it's destroying him where he sits. How had he handled everything so poorly? How could he not have predicted her thoughts?
"Liv, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't take care of what happened with Jenna. I ran away and tried to pretend that it didn't affect me. I tried to pretend that my prevailing thought that day wasn't, 'please don't let a bullet hit Liv.' I had to pretend I didn't care because I cared too much. It was Gitano in my head, all over again and I just had to walk away. Now, I was wrong for that, Liv, and I'm so sorry." Now he was the one with tears in his eyes. Olivia reached across the table and grabbed his hands.
"I forgive you, Elliot. I forgave you the first moment I saw you." The pure love in her tone is too much for him to bear. The grace this woman has affects him more deeply than he could ever admit. A tear slips down his cheek and her thumb pushes it aside.
"How? How can you forgive me so easily? After what you went through?" He asks.
"None of it was your fault, El. And honestly, it doesn't bother me like it used to. I just have moments now, this week has been hard." She sighs.
He nods, "I want you to know, I didn't dig into the stories. I just read the headlines, enough to get the gist. It's your story to tell, Liv. I want you to tell me when you're ready. No rush. I'm here to stay."
"Thank you. It's really not a lunch conversation." She gives him a sad smile.
The mention of lunch reminds him, "Oh, shit, I almost forgot, I'm doing lunch at my place on Sunday for the kids. I'd love you to come, bring Noah." It's such a domestic invite, not one she ever pictured from him.
"Elliot, thanks for the invitation, really, but you need to spend time with your family." It's her old line and it rubs him in the very worst way.
"Olivia Benson, you are now and have always been my family." He says it sternly because he means it and he needs her to get it.
She nods in the affirmative, "And you're mine."
—
Olivia spent entirely too long in front of the mirror, perfecting her hair and makeup. She was starting to feel like a real woman again. If she was being honest, she'd admit that she hasn't felt desirable in a long time. Oh, she knows that friends would argue, she's always been a beauty, but since her last relationship ended, she had really just stopped trying. Oversized clothes, rarely any makeup, was comfortable for her. She was ok just being a mom and not the object of someone's affection.
But, things change.
She finished her perfectly lined eyes and looked for something to wear. She didn't want to be too dressed up, this was, after all a family dinner. She settled on a green top that fit her curves perfectly and a pair of jeans. Looking herself over, she was happy with what she saw. She felt whole for the first time in a long time. Not just a mother or a cop or a captain, but an entire woman. She was amazed at what a relief it was to know that part of her wasn't lost.
She leaves her bathroom to find Noah, watching cartoons, waiting patiently.
"You look really pretty, Mama!" He exclaims, making her heart melt, just a little.
"Thank you, sweet boy!" She hugs him and places a kiss on the top of his curly hair. "You ready?"
"Sure." He says.
The two walk out hand in hand. She couldn't believe she was taking Noah to officially meet Elliot and his kids.
She had given Noah the run down the night before. Elliot was her best friend for her 12 years, she had told the boy. He was amazed, 12 years is a very long friendship when you're only nine. 12 years just seems like a blink of an eye to her now.
It didn't take long to arrive at Elliot's where they were greeted warmly by Maureen.
"And you must be Noah?" She says, extending her hand to be shaken by the smiling young boy.
They enter the rest of the way into the apartment, greeting the rest of the kids, well adults, with hugs and handshakes.
She finds Elliot in the kitchen, cooking an Italian feast, from the looks of it. She approaches him and he turns while stirring the pot in front of him. He lays the spoon on the spoon rest, wiping his hands on a dish towel before turning completely around to take her in.
"You look great, Liv." He says, before giving her a hug. This was such new ground for them both. They weren't used to such open affection with one another, but it came very easily.
"Thank you. Dinner smells amazing. You must've learned a few things in Italy." She says, genuinely impressed with the spread he was working on.
"Yeah, I guess I did." He states, pleased with himself. He opens a bottle of wine and pours her a glass. "Uh, where's Noah? I'm excited to officially meet him."
"He's in the living room with the kids. I'm excited for you to meet him too." She says, taking a long drink.
The two look at each other for a moment, taking in the realness of this moment.
"I've really missed you, Liv."