AN: Well, here it is, please read, review, enjoy. Know that there will still be some angst until we find out pair together, but you'll see what I mean. Please read, review and enjoy. Also note that where I live we are likely having lockdown extended by another couple of weeks so I will have ample time on my hands ;)
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Chapter Five
"Parker," Rory shouted a little bit louder than she had intended as she sat at her desk, head in her hands as her assistant walked into the room a moment later with a large black coffee that she hadn't asked for. "You're amazing," she smiled at him.
"You seem stressed," Parker told her cautiously. He had of course been privy to how hard she had been working, he had also been privy to the incessant calls from Dean and the end of days visits from Logan Huntzberger, but that wasn't his business. It was far above his pay grade to allow his thoughts to be consumed by what his boss was doing in her spare time with her boss behind their respective spouses backs.
"Can you just go over tomorrow with me?" Rory asked as she took a deep breath, "I have to get out of here in the next ten minutes and I just…I'm worried I'm missing something."
"Well that is why you have me, so you don't miss anything. Tomorrow there is a car coming to pick you and Dean up at home at five and they will bring you to the party, you have a room booked at The Pierre for you which is where the party is," he referred to the Huntzberger Publishing holiday party that would be occurring the next day. "Your car will take you home whenever you want on Sunday. Your dress is being sent to the hotel along with your shoes, you said you had jewelry that you'll bring," he was looking at his iPad to go through the rundown of events. "You said you wanted to do your own hair but we can always change that," he told her, "the hotel has people in house….and I think that's really it. A couple of suits and a tux will be waiting for Dean to choose. Anything he doesn't want I'll have returned."
Rory smiled at him, she was sure Dean would be less than impressed to know he was being given options, but he hadn't attended the party last year because Emma had been sick, so there were very few options in his closet that would be appropriate. "Thank you, really, you are…a lifesaver. And I have something for you…"
"Rory you don't need to get me anything," Parker smiled graciously, and he meant what he was saying. Other than the obvious awkwardness of managing the affair that Rory was having, the job was pretty relaxed, he enjoyed working with her.
"Well I did anyway, just as a little thank you for all of your help and all of the hard work," she pulled a card out of the drawer in her desk and Parker walked forward to take it from her. "Open it at home with the almost Mrs."
"Thank you," Parker awkwardly put the card on top of his iPad. "She'll be really excited."
"Well, I appreciate you, and I appreciate how much work you do and how many late hours and everything…I know that can be hard on a relationship, so I want her to know I appreciate it."
"We'll see you at the party tomorrow boss," Parker nodded as he backed out of the room slowly, "just let me know if you need anything else."
"Go home, I'm fine," she assured him. She waited a few minutes until Parker left and then finished her final e-mail of the evening before she would sign off until at least Monday. She wasn't taking any official holidays over Christmas but she was working from home which was at least a nice change of pace, they would be going to Chicago to see her in-laws so she would work from the musty basement. Rory had given up that battle for the hotel, she didn't have it in her to fight it anymore.
"Busy?" Logan knocked on the door as Rory was closing her laptop and came into the office, closing the door behind him. "I just wanted to…"
Rory smiled, "hey," she nodded, "I'm just on my way out but I can spare a minute," she slipped her laptop into her bag and stood up from her chair, she met him in the middle of the room and he pulled her in for a kiss, "I've missed you," she murmured against his lips when he finally pulled away.
"I've missed you too," Logan put his head on hers and put his hands on her waist, "how has your week been? I feel like we've been passing ships."
Rory agreed. They had snuck away for a couple of days after Thanksgiving knowing how busy life was about to get. They spent three days in Miami enjoying the sun and since then their visits had been less frequent. A couple of dinners at his place and a sporadic lunch, but other than that it was mostly text messages and calls while they were both commuting to or from the office which was hardly romantic. "I know," Rory kissed him again, "but after Christmas things will calm down. What did you want to talk about?" Rory asked, finally putting a bit of space between them in case anyone were to come in. She knew that Parker was gone so there was no one who would stop an unwanted visitor at the door.
"Tomorrow…are you guys…"
"We're staying at The Pierre," Rory exhaled, yes, the logistics of the few times a year when there was a chance of running into the spouses, this was arguably the event with the highest likelihood, although it wasn't really likelihood, it was a fact. Rory and Dean would be seated at a table with Logan, Abigail and four other couples and they would need to find a way to navigate that as graciously as possible.
"Us too," Logan nodded, not that he had expected anything else. Things had been complicated at home with Abigail recently. She had been distant to say the least, and she had made a number of remarks that led Logan to believe that she knew what was going on, or at the very least that she had suspicions that were currently unconfirmed. "So we'll just…keep some distance."
"Of course. Say hello, make small talk…keep it superficial. We're…coworkers."
"We're not coworkers Ace," Logans eyes softened as she spoke, he hated when they had to talk about this, he hated when it became mechanical, he hated when they had to deal with reality.
"For tomorrow we are."
"I love you," Logan told her, "if I could be there with you…I would. You know that, right?"
"It's not that simple," Rory put a hand on his cheek and smiled, "I love you too," she told him, he leaned into her hand ever so slightly and Rory ran her thumb over his cheek. "God…I wish so much that this was just sex. If it was just sex it would be easier…right? Easier to stop or to…I don't know, but I love you."
Logan nodded and kissed the pad of her thumb. "I wish it was easier."
The sound of the door rattling caused Rory and Logan to take a few quick steps to put some space between them, "hey," she smiled as she saw her husband standing in front of her, he was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a smart pea coat that was very much not like his normal attire for a Friday night.
"Hey," Dean gave her a smile, he could sense something was off in the room as he walked towards his wife and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Logan, didn't expect to see you here."
"I'm off for a couple of weeks and Rory here is taking care of some stuff in my absence. We just needed to go over it," Logan told him simply, avoiding the feeling of rage when he saw Dean put his arm casually around Rory's shoulder.
"What are you doing here?" Rory smiled forcefully as she maneuvered herself away from the two men and returned to grab her coffee from her desk.
"I have a surprise for you," Dean told her with a broad smile on his lips.
"I'll leave you to it," Logan swallowed the lump in his throat and gave Rory and Dean a wave, "see you both tomorrow."
"Dean you hate being here…" Rory laughed as she put on her coat and slung her bag over her shoulder, "how did you even get here?"
"I took the train," Dean told her as they left her office and he grabbed a small rolling suitcase that he had tucked behind Parker's desk on his way in, "we are spending the night tonight."
"Spending the night where?" Rory laughed as they reached the elevator. She was relieved that Logan seemed to have taken the stairs up another level, the last thing she wanted to do was to be on an elevator going anywhere with the two fo them. "Where is Em?"
"Em is with your mom and Luke a night early, and we are staying at The Pierre tonight."
"We are?" Rory stopped in her tracks and her smile grew. This was unlike Dean. This was very unlike Dean to plan something romantic, much less something romantic that appealed to the side of Rory that spent a lot of time in Manhattan, the side of Rory that Dean had told her many times he simply didn't like or relate to.
"I just…I thought it would be a nice surprise for you," he smiled.
"This is sweet," Rory stood on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his lips, "thank you."
xxx
Logan had managed to calm down by the time he got home, it was, of course later than he had expected, and later than he had told his wife because he had gone to his office and had a couple of drinks by himself to numb the sight of Rory with her husband. Of course he would need to find some way to wrap his head around the image because they would be seeing each other the following day, but he certainly didn't like it.
"Hey babe," Logan smiled as he walked into the kitchen, "sorry I'm late."
"Dinner is here," Abigail gestured to the island where the remainder of their dinner was waiting for him. She and the kids had already eaten and she certainly wasn't in any rush to heat a meal up for him. "Everything alright at work?" she asked, he had of course texted and given one of his bullshit excuses of something important coming up. She frequently wanted to remind her husband that he ran a media organization, he wasn't curing cancer.
"It's good. I had to just make sure everyone knew what they were doing when I was gone, because I'm off until the New Year, so I wanted them to know when they needed to reach out and what they could manage on their own. Then I ran into Dean, you remember Rory's husband?"
"He was at the office?" Abigail scoffed as she took a sip of her Pinot Noir, "hardly seems like his stomping grounds on a Friday night unless he has changed a lot since I last saw him. I don't remember the last time we saw Dean and Rory…" she added with a smile. The smile was just devious enough that Logan couldn't pinpoint if she knew. He didn't doubt that she knew he was sleeping with someone but he didn't think she had been able to confirm who it was. "We should have them for dinner, maybe invite them to the New Years party?" she suggested, they were having about twenty couples over on New Years Eve and Logan was absolutely dreading it.
"I doubt that is his kind of night," Logan shrugged as he took the plate of food and put it in the microwave, he poured himself a glass of wine while it warmed up. "You ready for the party tomorrow?"
"Of course I am Logan," Abigail rolled her eyes. "You remember that my parents arrive on Sunday for the week?"
"How could I forget?" Logan took a long sip of the wine. "Abs," he softened his voice, "what is wrong? You don't seem yourself."
"Don't I?" Abigail shot back as she pulled an envelope out of the drawer, clearly she had been waiting to have this confrontation, she shoved the white envelope at him, "should I be excepting an early Christmas gift?"
Logan opened the envelope and found his American Express bill. He had no idea how she had gotten ahold of it, the only way she could have gotten it was if he had left it laying around. "Abs…"
"Do not Abs me Logan!" Abigail shot back, "you know, I never thought that you would be completely faithful, it was never high on my list of expectations when I married a man like you. But at the very least I expected some discretion and I wouldn't call shopping at La Perla with a petite brunette being particularly fucking discrete!"
Logan felt his mouth go dry as the microwave dinged to indicate that the food was done. He jabbed the buttons to make the noise stop and then stared at his wife, "when…"
"Well you see, I saw the bill and I assumed this was a mistake of some sort, so I called the store and of course the lovely sales woman remembered you of all people, but what she didn't realize was that she was talking to your wife, not whatever woman it is you've been sleeping with. She did compliment my hair though, let me know she thought the particular shade of auburn. Serves me right though, I've always been a good actress and the poor girl didn't realize I was giving her just enough rope to hang herself with." Abigail was skilled at forming a quick bond with someone to get what she wanted, and in this case she wanted information. "Oh yes, your husband has dark blonde hair, and you were wearing that beautiful brown cashmere dress that almost matched your hair," the young woman had smiled into the phone after Abigail gave a generic description of her husband to try to jog her memory.
"Abigail," Logan exhaled, "I'm really sorry you found out like this."
"You're sorry I found out," Abigail repeated and rolled her eyes. "It is fucking Christmas Logan, my parents are about to come, your parents come, your sister…what the hell is wrong with you? I'm sure you don't think I've noticed. The little pep you get when you're going away, the silly smile staring at your phone. I looked the other way, I looked the other way through all of it, but shopping on Madison Avenue? Anyone could have seen you!"
"I'm sorry," Logan hated admitting it but he felt a certain amount of relief knowing that it was out in the open in some capacity. He wasn't sure how he was going to tell Rory, he knew she would want to know but in some ways it changed everything for him, but also nothing.
"You're sorry for screwing someone behind my back or you're sorry I found out?"
"Both," Logan admitted. "You don't deserve this, and you don't deserve to be embarrassed and I know Christmas is a busy time of year for us so I'm sorry that you have to add that to your plate…"
"Is it Jenna? How could you be so stupid to sleep with your secretary? Could you come up with something less inspired?"
"It isn't Jenna," Logan assured her, he didn't plan on answering the question unless he was directly asked who it was. That was selfish of him, of course. He was trying to preserve what hope he had of them all surviving an event together the following day. He would come up with an excuse of some sort to pull Rory into the office on Monday so he could tell her what was happening, based on this conversation with his wife, he knew that Abigail wouldn't have a problem with him not being around.
"I'm going to bed," Abigail stated simply. "Sleep in the guest room. When my parents get here you can sleep on the couch in our bedroom. I don't want them to know anything is up."
"Are we going to…"
"Are we going to what Logan?" Abigail shot back, "you're fucking someone else. I just need some time to process this. I will have more questions, and I'm asking you to be discrete. I understand my role as your wife here, but I will not be embarrassed by you flaunting it around town. Do you understand me?"
"I do," Logan wasn't in much of a position to fight. He wanted to text Rory, to warn her, but he couldn't. For a few reasons. The first being that at any moment his wife could ask to read his messages or look at his phone as many women in her position would, and he didn't want her to have any extra ammunition, and the second being that he knew Rory was with Dean, and as much as thinking about the two of them together was enough to make him sick, he didn't want to cause any problems for her.
The next twenty-four hours seemed to be moving at warp speed and moving slowly at the same time. He walked on eggshells around Abigail, trying to figure out when the other shoe was going to drop, but it never did. She was pleasant enough around the kids, outwardly cold when they were alone, but they were speaking, that had to count for something. Logan had initially requested a limo pick them up for the party but Abigail had told him she wanted an SUV, it was more comfortable so he had made that change in the afternoon and packed his things. Abigail had informed him that she had upgraded their suite to one with two bedrooms as there was no way she was sharing a bed with him but she knew they had appearances to keep up, and so as they both sat silently in the back of the Suburban, Logan felt a strange sense of calm come over him.
He looked at his wife and her hair was pulled into a classic chignon which was her go-to style for this event each year, she always looked stunning and tonight was no exception. She had chosen a metallic off the shoulder gown with a front slit by Rene Ruiz and she looked stunning. Unsurprisingly it matched her complexion perfectly and a stunning Pluie De Cartier necklace that he had bought her a few years earlier along with the matching earrings and bracelet. The set had cost him a small fortune, but he had been trying to absolve himself of the guilt which at the time was eating away at him for sleeping with Rory. What he would do to go back to that guilt, the guilt he felt for having sex with someone else paled in comparison to the guilt he felt having fallen in love with someone else. "You look beautiful," Logan told her, they were nearing the hotel and he knew they wouldn't be having any one on one conversations until the next day at the earliest.
"Thank you," Abigail smiled as she gave him a once over. Logan always looked good in a tux. He aged like a fine wine and as he got older and he had started using a good tailor, he looked even better in a suit. "Is the lucky girl here?"
"No," Logan lied instantly, only for the first time in a long time he was doing it for her and not for himself. He didn't want Abigail to spend the night looking over her shoulder, he wanted her to enjoy herself as best she could.
"Good," Abigail nodded, "I hate you for doing this to me," she admitted softly, her voice cracking ever so slightly as the car slowed, "and I hate myself for believing you wouldn't."
Logan gave her a pained look, he hated seeing her like this. He wasn't a monster, there was still a part of him who loved her, who hated himself for hurting her, for causing her this pain. "I'm sorry isn't enough," he admitted. "But for what it is worth…I am sorry. I never…I never meant to be this person."
"Well here we are," she pressed the pad of her thumb underneath her eye, "this is the bed you've made Logan."
Logan got out of the car first and walked around to the other side of the car, opening the door for Abigail and giving her his hand to help her get out. She stood up and fixed her dress, watching as the driver passed their overnight bag to the bellhop she allowed Logan to escort her into the venue.
They were surprisingly on time for the festivities. Sure, the Grand Ballroom was full of people, but they weren't late which was good enough for her. She smiled and engaged in pleasantries with some familiar faces. She knew her in-laws would be at the event and in a strange way that provided her some comfort. She wouldn't have to worry about them and she and her sister in law had always gotten along well.
"Can I get you a drink?" Logan asked, he had managed to spot Rory at the bar and at the very least he wanted to find a discrete way of warning her of what was going on.
"I'll have a glass of champagne please. Veuve or Moet please. I'll be with Honor and Josh," Abigail nodded to where she had locked eyes with Honor across the room.
"Sure," Logan nodded as he left Abigail in search of his sister and he made his way to the bar. He could see that Dean was sitting at their table looking at his phone while Rory was talking with Parker and his fiancé at the bar. "You guys know you aren't attached at the hip outside of work, right?" Logan smiled to the group as he waited for the bartender.
"Merry Christmas boss," Parker smiled, his fiancé followed suit and said hello. "Rory was just telling us she might come into the office on Monday, and I reminded her that we are all off the clock, but she is insistent on letting me know and letting me know I'm not needed."
"She's a good boss this one," Logan smiled at Rory, he was relieved when Parker waited a moment and then excused himself from the bar telling Rory they would chat later. "You look amazing," Logan told her, he was staring at the bar and Rory was leaning back against the fixture facing the crowd.
"Thank you," she told him, she was wearing a Basix Black Label v-neck sparkle gown. It reminded her of the kind of dress that she and her mother would ooooh and ahhhh over when they window shopped during her teenaged years, and it was a price that wouldn't make her husband want to throw up which was a bonus.
"A glass of Veuve," Logan nodded to the bartender, "and whatever the best scotch you have is, neat." He waited a moment until the bartender wasn't within earshot, "she knows I'm with someone."
Rory felt her blood run cold in that moment but she kept the natural expression on her face as she sipped her martini slowly, "ok…"
"She doesn't know it's you, or…what it is. But she knows. So…I'll come in on Monday," he smiled at the bartender and tossed a bill on the bar to tip him, "we need to talk."
Rory gave him a friendly smile, "merry Christmas Logan," she told him as they walked in opposite directions. She wasn't sure how she had been expected to sit through dinner with her husband, her lover and his wife…but this was worse. Abigail knew. So the cat was out of the bag and any moment it could all be up in flames. She felt like she was going to throw up. She allowed herself the short walk to where Dean was sitting at their table to wallow in self loathing, but as she reached the table she plastered a smile on her face. "Sorry, I ran into Parker at the bar," she told him.
"Oh Parker is here?" Dean smiled, he had always liked Parker, he seemed like a good guy.
"Of course," Rory took a sip of her martini as she sat down, "company party and all."
"I'll have to say hi," Dean told her. "Have I mentioned you look beautiful tonight?" Dean leaned in and kissed her cheek, Rory blushed in response. They had actually had a good night at the hotel. They had gone for dinner and watched a couple of movies, they had slept in and just enjoyed a leisurely and relaxing day. Rory had to admit she was surprised that Dean had put it all together, it felt more like the kind of surprise Logan would put together for them, but it seemed increasingly clear that those days might be numbered.
"You can say it again," Rory told him, "so I figure," she put her hand on his cheek, "we probably can leave about an hour after dinner…go back upstairs, get out of these formal clothes, I know how you hate wearing a tux but I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Maybe we can catch a documentary or watch another movie…"
"You don't want to stay?" Dean asked. Normally Rory closed out this event, the year before when he couldn't make it, Rory had told him she had been dancing until nearly two in the morning.
Rory shrugged, "I would rather just spend some time with you," she lied. The truth was she would do anything to get out of the same room as Abigail Huntzberger. It was an enormous space, of course, but somehow it felt claustrophobic given the gravity of what Logan had just told her.
The table was soon filling up, various other members of the executive team and their spouses and lastly Logan and Abigail. Rory tried to keep calm as Abigail greeted her warmly, certainly not giving any indication that she believed that Rory would be sleeping with her husband. "What are your plans for the holidays?" Abigail was sitting beside Dean which kept two people between Rory and Logan. Rory certainly wished that they had been farther apart, but this would have to do.
"Uh," Dean shrugged, "we're going to see my parents in Chicago, and I think spending New Years in Hartford."
"Oh Chicago," Abigail smiled, "that sounds so pretty. Do you normally go at Christmas?"
"Every other year," Rory nodded. "The other years we spend Christmas with my family and his parents come for New Years in Farmingdale," she explained. "What about you two?" she looked from Abigail to Logan, hoping that he would start a conversation with someone else at the table and take Abigail with him so that she didn't have to endure the torture anymore.
"Everyone comes to our place," Abigail explained. "My parents arrive tomorrow, and then Mitchum and Shira will come on Christmas Eve, and Logans sister and brother in law and their children. It is a full house but we wouldn't have it any other way."
"Sound busy," Dean added.
"That it is," Logan agreed, "busy," Logan could think of about a hundred other words to describe the torture that was when his entire family was under one roof for a couple of days.
Rory swallowed the lump in her throat but felt immense relief as Logan directed the conversation to one of their colleagues at the table. "I'm going to run to the washroom," she whispered to Dean, "if you see a waiter can you ask for another martini?" Dean agreed and Rory stood up and walked briskly away from the table. If it wasn't for Dean being there she would've walked right out the front door, into a taxi and taken it to anywhere else, as far as she could get from this situation. She walked to the washroom and closed the door to a stall before leaning up against it and putting her head in her hands. What a mess. What a mess she had gotten herself into and she had no idea how to get herself out. She didn't even know what the outcome was that she wanted. She had a husband who loved her, sure there were issues, there were problems, but maybe if she hadn't spent the last two years in bed with another man, they could've worked on those problems. Then there was Logan, he had a wife, he had two children and a life…what about the destruction they were causing. Rory heard the door open and close and she tried to get control of her emotions. She waited a moment and then walked out to wash her hands. Smiling uncomfortably at the blonde be side her as she realized that it wasn't just a blonde beside her, it was a woman she had met many times over the past fifteen years.
"Must be hard," Honor Huntzberger gave her a weak smile. Of course Honor knew it was Rory in the washroom, she had followed her there, an odd instinct she had to protect her brother at all costs, even if she didn't agree with what he was doing. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Rory answered as she exhaled, "thank you."
"You guys can't do this forever," Honor told her quietly, calmly. "You're both killing yourselves slowly. I know he loves you and I can see that you are affected by this too so I imagine that you might love him too, but…something has to give."
Rory nodded as she reapplied her lipstick, "thank you… Merry Christmas," she added before she walked out the door and slowly made her way back to their table. Dinner went off without a hitch, she and Dean had chatted amongst the table and Rory was thankful when Abigail and Logan had stood up to go and socialize with their family before moving on to the speech portion of the night. Rory kept replaying what his sister had said. Something has to give - Rory knew she was right, but she wasn't sure what would give. Was it her relationship with Dean or was it her relationship with Logan?
"Do you want to dance?" Dean asked, interrupting Rory from her thoughts, the obligatory speeches were over, dessert would come in an hour or so. She nodded, it was that time of the night, and she figured the sooner they danced the sooner they could leave. She took Dean's hand and let him lead her to the dance floor which was full of people. Rory remembered when they were younger, feeling like they were two pieces of a puzzle that fit together, but the older she got and the farther away she and Dean seemed to get, the less she felt like she fit with him. "This has been nice," Dean whispered as they danced, the band was playing a slow song that Rory couldn't quite recognize and Rory noticed the distance between the two of them as they went.
She leaned her head back to look up at him and smiled, "it has been, hasn't it?" Rory had been surprised when Dean showed up at the office and they had their night away, and it was nice, but Rory knew it was one or two nights in the grand scheme of a marriage that was broken, likely beyond repair. They danced for the rest of the song and Rory exhaled. She had seen Logan and Abigail dancing and she could feel Logan staring at her, "why don't we go upstairs?" Rory suggested with a smile.
"You sure? Tonight is your night…"
"Come on," Rory smiled, she was going to combust if she stayed any longer, she took Dean by the hand and led him out of the grand ballroom and to an elevator that would take her to their room. She couldn't do this. She could barely justify the choices she was making when she and Logan were alone, but she couldn't be around him and his wife and her husband all at the same time. It was too much. By the time they got to the room Rory felt like she was ready to fall apart. All of the emotions were at the edge of boiling over as she slipped out of her dress, she had a shower and washed her hair, she hated the amount of hairspray that went into an evening like this. By the time she was getting dressed in a pair of sweatpants and the red Nike sweatshirt that Dean always brought for her it had been almost an hour since they had left the party. She heard the phone in their room ring as Dean was in the washroom, "I've got it," she told him although she knew he wouldn't be concerned by that, "hello?" she answered breathlessly.
"Come to room 3903," Logan breathed into the receiver, "I'm alone. You left your cellphone."
Rory hung up without responding and smiled as Dean emerged from the bathroom in his pyjamas, "I left my phone downstairs," she sighed, "I'm just going to run down to the lobby and get it from Parker."
"Can't he come up here?"
"I'm just going to…put something less comfortable on and grab it," Rory walked over to Dean and gave him a gentle kiss, "I'll be back before you know it. Just find something to watch on TV?" She pulled off her sweatpants and sweatshirt and instead pulled on the dark jeans and black cashmere sweater she would be wearing home the next day. She knew full well she couldn't show up at Logan's room wearing a sweater that belonged to her husband, not with what she knew she had to do next. "Can't be wandering around here in my sweats," she laughed as Dean sat down on the bed and flipped on the television, she looked back at him when she got to the door and noticed that his face was illuminated and he looked just like the boy she had married all of those years ago. But plenty had changed since then, and she knew that more important than the fact that Dean hadn't changed was the fact that she had. Rory silently pressed the button on the elevator and waited for it. She was relieved when it was empty and enjoyed the silence on the way up. Her stomach was full of knots. They had avoided this particular debacle the year before because Dean hadn't attended, so while it had been awkward being in a room with Logan and his wife, this was a whole other level of insufferable. She walked off the elevator and found his room, knocking twice she only waited a moment before she saw him. "Hey," Rory smiled.
"Come on in," Logan gestured inside the room and Rory shook her head, "Ace…"
Feeling tears coming to her eyes Rory felt her lips start to quiver, "we need to take a step back Logan," she told him, the tears slowly came from her eyes as she watched his face contort with pain and sadness.
"Please come in," Logan repeated and this time Rory relented. He started by handing her the phone, after all it was why he had called her up there. "What are…what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that something has to give and I love you enough to know I don't want to torture you."
"You're not torturing me," Logan told her desperately, he brought his hand to his neck and loosened his bowtie. "You are everything to me, I need you, you're like air…"
"I can't be your air," Rory told him as tears continued to fall down her cheeks. She put her hands on both of his cheeks and allowed him to pull her in for a hug. "If we're supposed to be together, we will…I just…we both need some space and some time. You have this Abigail thing, and she knows, and you need to deal with that with clarity. We can't…these choices we make for our children and our partners…they can't be clouded by lust."
"I love you," Logan kissed her desperately. She tangled her long, manicured fingers in the curls at the base of his neck, "god I love you Ace."
"I love you too," Rory pulled away slowly. "Goodbye Logan."
The eighteen hours that followed Rory putting a pause on things with Logan had arguably been the hardest that she could remember in her life. She felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to call him. She imagined that this is what it felt like to be addicted to something other than coffee. She ached for him, and worst of all, she couldn't acknowledge it. She couldn't say it out loud because no one would understand. The only person who would understand was Logan, and he was who she couldn't call. She hid herself up in her office as much as she could for the next few hours. She couldn't even bring herself to unpack her bag from their weekend away. It all hurt too much. Dean didn't seem to notice, unsurprisingly of course. He just seemed to be happy that Rory was home and that she had promised she wouldn't be working such late hours before they left for Chicago. Emma on the other hand had seemed to notice the mood that her mother was in. She had asked more than once that day what was wrong and Rory had assured her it was just work stress, nothing for Emma to worry about.
"Ror," Dean called from the kitchen as Rory emerged from her office late in the afternoon on Sunday, "do you want dinner?"
Rory wanted to say no. She wanted to say no and crawl into bed and pull a blanket over her head and sleep until all of the pain went away, but she knew that wasn't possible. "Yup," she responded, "just give me a few minutes." Rory went to their bedroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like hell. She had to get her shit together by Friday when they would be flying to Chicago for a few days with her in-laws. "Smells good," Rory smiled when she got to the kitchen.
"Dad made spaghetti," Emma told her with a smile.
"Dad makes the best spaghetti, doesn't he?" Rory went to the counter and grabbed two plates, bringing them to the table before grabbing a bottle of wine from the counter and pulling the cork out. Dean always used it when he was making the sauce so Rory would gladly help herself to a glass to take the edge off. "Sorry work has been so busy today," she smiled, "how is everyone doing?"
"Grandma told me what she got you for Christmas," Emma grinned.
"You gonna tell me?" Rory laughed. The house was decorated for Christmas. There were lights on the house, the trees in the yard, there was a beautiful tree decorated with various ornaments from throughout their marriage and all of the various items that Emma had made growing up. It reminded Rory of her own childhood Christmas tree that she loved so much. They had agreed to open their presents when they got home from Chicago. When Emma was younger they would bring them with them to Chicago and then lug them back to Farmingdale and its as such an incredible disaster, as much as Rory missed when Emma was young and believed in the magic of it all, it was a bit of a relief to not have to do that.
"Nope," Emma laughed, "Grandma said I can have a bigger present if I don't tell you."
"Ah yes, that sounds like my mother," Rory smiled, "emotional torture at its finest. She learned from the best," Rory joked.
"Do we have all the gifts for my family?" Dean asked as he looked up from his plate.
Rory nodded as she spun some pasta on a spoon with her fork, "we got your mom that candle set we talked about and a cashmere sweater from Lord & Taylor, I got your dad a new wallet, your mom said he needed it. Clara I got a new purse from Kate Spade, and you said you were going to get her boyfriend a gift card…"
"I got the gift card," Dean nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answers. "So we're all set?"
"Just need to pack the stockings from the mantle," Rory assured him. They finished their meal with idle chitchat. Emma told them of her plans for the week before they were heading to Chicago, and Dean spoke of his limited work schedule as his jobs were wrapping up for the holidays.
"I'm going to go start the laundry from the weekend?" Dean stood up first. The unwritten rule on weekends was that if he cooked, Rory and Emma would do the dishes. Rory smiled and nodded, thanking him as he went to their bedroom and began unpacking the suitcase. He hung Rory's dress in the wardrobe, he had learned long ago that this was the kind of garment that would need to be dry cleaned and he was best to leave that for his wife. He was much better at picking those orders up than he was at dropping them off. He emptied the suitcase and took it up the stairs to Rory's office where the suitcases were stored and noticed the suitcase Rory had from her last business trip in November absently rolled into the corner. He remembered how she had returned home and needed to pull her laptop out immediately which is why the bag had gone upstairs at all. He rolled his eyes at the fact that it was still unpacked all these weeks later and tipped it over, he would empty its contents which couldn't have been that important if Rory hadn't needed them in the month since she had been gone. He pulled out the items slowly, a couple of blazers and coordinating pants and skirts, some white tops that would go with anything. Her black one shouldered one-piece bathing suit, she had been in Miami so that made sense. Next though, Dean was sure he could feel the ground giving way below him as he pulled out the dark green, silk playsuit from La Perla. He had seen it before. In fact he remembered when he had found it just a month earlier with the tags still attached in a small white shopping bag that Rory had tucked away in their closet. Of course, when he found it he had thought Rory had bought it for them, and even though it remained hidden from him for the next few weeks he convinced himself it could have simply been a surprise, for Christmas maybe…but here as he held the wrinkled dark green silk garment in his hands, he understood that it had not been for them at all, unless the them being considered was his wife and another man.