Chapter 5 – The Comeback
-:-:-:-:-:-
In light of everything that happened, it was surprisingly normal to strip down in front of someone who had before that day only been a mild nuisance in her life. Harry moved into action on her prompting, though he seemed even more embarrassed to share a bath than she was.
Likely because he was still very much hard from what the mushroom had done to him, not that Audrey was much better.
"Okay," Audrey said when she got down to her stupid bra. "No judgement, but this is a side effect of the magic greenery and I didn't actually want it."
"Want what?" Harry asked, and then she eased the damn bra off.
The way he spent a solid thirty seconds staring at her chest while the flush that had spread across the bridge of his nose darkened furiously. It was a little flattering.
"Fuck," he said, his dick twitching in telling interest.
"Tub," Audrey said, feeling herself loosen. "I'm gonna ride you."
"Ride- how?" Harry said, staring at the flower still plastered against her groin.
Audrey rolled her eyes. "How do you think?"
It was humorous, how quickly Harry could get in the tub.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Harry chanted as she lowered herself onto his erection, clutching at the warm rod on reflex and getting a hard shiver from Harry.
"See?" Audrey said, pretending to be entirely more confident than she felt. "N-Not a slut. Super natural."
"M-Maybe," Harry allowed, his hand trailing down Audrey's stomach to settle on the soft petals of the flower safely submerged underwater. "Treat her good now, would ye?"
Audrey rolled her eyes. "It's not gonna listen- ah-"
It licked hard and deep, starting up a heavy suction that made her painfully wet, had her shaking her hips so that she could work herself up and down Harry's length.
"So they can cooperate on occasion," Harry mused, eyes half-lidded and grin entirely cocky. "Could I…?" He gestured to her breasts.
"Go for it," Audrey huffed. What a life. She was letting a VK fuck her ass and touch her boobs after she'd given him a damn pep talk. She was having sex with the son of Captain Hook.
And she did not care one bit.
"Aw, hell," Harry said, cupping one of the swollen breasts in his hand and nuzzling it gently. "They're so- I just wanna-"
Her ducked his head, dragging her nipple up to his lip so he could start lavishing on it.
Immediately, Audrey's back arched with want, her other nipple sputtering a clear goo that made her shake. "Oh, oh- keep doing that."
Harry hummed, and kept at it.
He seemed to be milking the excess out, licking and sucking and pinching Audrey's flushed nipples until they leaked clear streams that felt so good. It had her growing wetter and wetter, the flower eagerly licking it up, and then Harry-
"I just-" he gasped, both hands on her hips as he started fucking her in earnest, her chest pressed against him, oversensitive nipples scraping against his pectorals while she shook and crooned. "I'm close, darlin. Are ye?"
"Yeah, yeah," Audrey panted, leaning against him. "I'm ready, Harry. Just let go, you can let go."
"Fuck," Harry grunted, and then she felt him unload into her, warm bursts that should have been disgusting, but Audrey just felt satisfied.
She'd just let a VK come inside her. She hadn't even made him wear a condom.
She followed not long after him, Harry urging her back against the side of the tub and pushing up her legs high enough to leave her on display. He bent low, staring at the flower working around her groin, even though it was underwater.
"There ye go, just like that," he urged. "Lick her nice and deep, savvy? Princess is counting on you. I need ye to eat her right since I can't."
"Harry," Audrey moaned, quivering in his hold and feeling some of his juices leak from her. The flower seemed to be following his commands, curling nice and deep and firm, wet and thick as it swirled against her relentlessly.
"Does it feel good?" Harry asked. "Fuck, wish it was my mouth. I'd be lapping ye up like damn honey, I would."
A pointed thrust and Audrey fell apart, shaking in his hold while he talked her through it, the flower licking and sucking her all the while.
Eventually, they just cuddled in the tub, Audrey's back resting against Harry's chest as he toyed with her swollen boobs.
"So much for taking it slow," he mused.
Audrey couldn't help but laugh. She'd already seen all parts of him – all his scars and sleek muscle. His too-thin frame and vulnerabilities.
"Suppose you have a point," she mused. "…we bonded over how dumb Jay is?"
"Works for me," Harry laughed. "No one will blame me, but they might question your taste."
"Eh, after Ben, they'll just think I'm going for a bad boy," Audrey decided. "They won't think it's serious, so we can have fun."
"More fun than ye and your dwarf guy?" Harry mused.
Audrey rolled her eyes. "We're not going to talk about him," she decided, seeing as she'd broken up with him and immediately went to have sex with another dude.
On the bright side, she and Harry could definitely bond over the magic plants fixed to their bodies, so there was that.
"Fine, fine," Harry said, holding his hands up in surrender for point two seconds before he went back to lazily squeezing her boobs. It seemed to be his new favorite pastime. Audrey couldn't really fault him for it. "I'll be your rebound or whatever."
"And then Uma will get jealous and claim you," Audrey said. "It will all be good."
Harry stilled. "But if it isn't-"
"It will all be good," Audrey repeated, her voice firm. "The odds are already stacked against us, Harry, don't add a shitty attitude to the mix."
"Okay, fine, we'll do it the Auradon way," Harry griped. "We'll think positive."
"That positive thinking got your hands on some pretty great boobs, mister," Audrey hummed. "So maybe you should be a little less sarcastic."
"Well," Harry sighed. "I guess you're at least a little right."
"Try entirely, but we'll get there," Audrey hummed. "It's a learning process."
"Here's to learning," Harry cheered, giving her breasts another squeeze.
-:-:-:-:-:-
"As your girlfriend, I am going to get you presents," Audrey declared as they dug into the pizza Audrey had acquired them.
She had a system set up where she'd pay Lonnie fifty bucks (plus the cost of pizza) to get it for her and bring it to her room. As far as Lonnie new, it was for Audrey's convenience, but it was mostly because if she tried to use a credit card her grandmother would cancel the order, not wanting Audrey to indulge.
"But I need to know what kind of shit I can get you," Audrey continued. "I don't want to mess with the power dynamics of your crew or whatever, so like…" She waved a hand at him. "Spill."
"Um." Harry fidgeted uneasily. It was kind of cute. "I could use some fabric."
"Done," Audrey said. "Ben got Evie a shipment of fabric once he realized she sewed; we could arrange for something like that for you guys."
"Cool," Harry said, flushing as he ducked his head. He could be so bashful sometimes, it was weird, but markedly adorable.
"Hold on." Audrey got up from where they were huddled around her coffee table and went to rifle through her desk. "I try to stay in front of all the latest fashions, so I've got a ton of fabric sample books." She brought the newest ones over to Harry, laying them next to his plate. "Look through those and pick out what you want, and then I'll throw in some conceivably Auradon fabrics to keep Uma from getting suspicious."
"What's the cost?" Harry asked, defaulting to Isle standards when he was obviously lost. "More sex, or-?"
"Harry, you'll be my boyfriend," Audrey interrupted. "I am a princess. There is a certain expectation of how I should treat you. The fabric we can pass off from Ben-" He was so overworked that he could believe one of his assistants slipped the paperwork into his pile. "But eventually I will publicly get you things. Like, I dunno, custom phone cases. I'm surprised you guys haven't broken yours yet without them."
Especially Gil.
"Uma enchanted them to be more durable," Harry said.
"Wise lady, that Uma," Audrey hummed, getting a brilliant smile from Harry.
Yeah, this dating thing wasn't so tough. They were both practical, blunt, rough people. They could be candid with each other. Honest.
Which made it a giant step up from Doug, didn't it?
-:-:-:-:-:-
Audrey spent the rest of the weekend avoiding her ex not-boyfriend and prepping her eventual new boyfriend for the world that would greet them come next week.
"You've got to be careful, Harry," Audrey murmured. "The press love to follow me like sharks, so once they realize we're together, they're going to be following your every move. They will likely be hoping for you to fuck up. Please do not give them any ammunition."
"Ye Auradon folks are crazy," Harry said, but he nodded anyway.
Audrey rolled her eyes. "You're an Auradon folk now," she reminded him. "And honestly, we don't have to do this. It will definitely get obnoxious at times-"
"Hey, I'm in," Harry growled, his eyes narrowed in challenge. "If ye can survive those fucking cameras following ye around all the time, so can I."
"Let me know if that changes," Audrey said. "I honestly wouldn't be offended."
"I would," Harry said like a promise, because it turned out he was a little bit like Jay in that he couldn't turn down a challenge if his life depended on it.
They started small, of course. Texting, obviously, and they interacted some in the halls at school. Doug tried to apologize to her again, tried to plead for her forgiveness, but Audrey quietly (but firmly) said no.
This was probably the best thing that could have happened to Doug. She would have dragged him down.
Harry, on the other hand, she could only lift up. She felt substantially less guilty dating him, though that was likely because she was honest about her expectations and knew he didn't actually like her. They started sitting next to each other in art class, where Harry would split his time between half-heartedly working on the class project and sketching new outfit designs for Gil and Uma. He seemed to appreciate a fine application of fringe. Audrey approved.
"Are you friends with Harry?" Lonnie asked at lunch, Doug looking mutedly weary from his position by Jane.
"Hook?" Audrey hummed, as though Lonnie could be referring to anyone else. "Yeah. Turns out, he's funny."
In the saltiest way.
"Yep," Marsaili drawled. "And that has nothing to do with the fact that Mal's crew hates him?"
"It didn't," Audrey said. But now that she thought about it, that was definitely a bonus.
Lonnie laughed, but Audrey couldn't help but note the way Doug's brows furrowed together in concern.
"Well, at least you got him to warm up to someone," Lonnie chuckled. "It's easy talking to Gil, but Harry just snarls at everyone."
"Yeah," Audrey sighed somewhat dreamily. "He's a touchy prick like that."
Marsaili seemed to choke on nothing, sputtering up a mouthful of soda in a manner that would be considered undignified were she not the heir to DunBroch, which reveled in such things.
"Hey, princess," Harry would drawl, leaning against the locker next to hers as she changed out books.
"Hey, pirate," Audrey shot back. "Glare at anyone today?"
"Glare at most people," Harry hummed. "Never ye, though."
"So sweet," Audrey cooed. "You still passing on the Tourney team?"
"That bullshit sport?" Harry scoffed. "What's the point of tackling someone if they're wearing padding? Bad enough that they're trying to recruit Gilly."
"He'd be good at it," Audrey said instead of preening over the nickname Gilly. This fucker was too adorable, and he didn't even try. "Could get scholarships."
"For what?" Harry asked, brows furrowed in confusion.
"College?" When he still didn't seem to know what she was talking about, she elaborated, "More school? He could play for a team and get money for room and board and his further education. What job does Gil eventually want?"
"Think he was mostly focused on staying alive," Harry replied honestly. "Fucking, I don't know; jobs and shit are Auradon things. We only had one option on the Isle."
"Well, now you've got hundreds," Audrey said, shutting her locker in a brisk movement. "You guys should take a career test, or something. Or maybe you could work for the Auradon navy."
"How 'bout the Auroria one?" Harry asked with a leer, looking her over.
Her flower gave her a small, teasing lick. "You'd have to ask real nice for that," Audrey said. "But I might be able to hook you up."
"Oh, I'm always hooked, darling," he drawled, and Audrey had to make herself walk away before she punched him for such a stupid use of wordplay.
"Hey," he said a different day, fidgeting with something in his hands. "Might have made ye something."
Audrey froze. "What?"
"Here." He shoved the bundle into her hands. Upon unrolling it, Audrey realized it was a coat not unlike his – though the cut was distinctly female. The sleeves were long and sleek, though instead of being made from leather, it seemed to be constructed out of a pink, floral fabric with ruffled lace edges.
Isle cut with Auradon fabric. The best of both worlds.
"Ye don't have to keep it," Harry rushed to say after she'd been quiet for too long. "I know-"
"I fucking love it," Audrey said, deftly removing her purse so she could shove it into Harry's hands. She slipped the coat on and grinned at the perfect fit, happy to do up the rose gold buttons until she was suitable equipped. "Well?"
Harry looked her over, from her baby pink heels to her high ponytail, and swallowed. "Ye um- look good."
"I fucking know it," Audrey said, reclaiming her purse and sliding it back into place. "Now let's get some lunch."
They parted ways at the door to the dining hall, same as usual.
"Have fun glaring at people from the corner," Audrey said, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek.
Harry's grin was wide and wicked. "And have fun with yer gossip," he drawled, saying goodbye with a tilt of his head before he dropped back to regroup with Gil and Uma.
Audrey felt like she was practically floating when she went through the lunch line, getting her usual not-enough-food before she sat at her usual table.
Lonnie, of course, was staring at her like she'd grown a second head. "Are you dating Harry?"
"Yeah," Audrey sighed. "He's so grumpy."
"That's… a choice," Marsaili said, always one to chime in. "I mean, no one could argue that ye were trying to find the next Ben."
"Nope," Audrey agreed, popping the 'p'.
"Well," Doug said, staring at his tray. "I hope he makes you happy."
Lonnie opened her mouth, likely prepared to jump on the bait that dangled so wonderfully before her, when Mal stormed over to their table with a conflicted look.
"Are you dating Harry?" she asked in that gruff way of hers, getting straight to the point.
"Yes," Audrey said, and she wasn't even snappy, because she could bethe bigger person.
"Are you out of your mind?" Mal pressed. "Harry is Uma's right-hand man. There's no way he would willingly leave her. He's probably just using you."
He was definitely using Audrey, but that wasn't the damn point.
Mal froze when she seemed to catch sight of Audrey's coat. "Did… did Harry make that?"
"Yep," Audrey grinned. "Look, Mal, your concern is appreciated, but it's not like I'm looking to marry the guy." Doug shuddered like she'd physically hit him, which just went to show that they would have been terrible in the long run. "We're just having fun."
Mal didn't seem completely content with that explanation but couldn't actually demand more from Audrey because they weren't friends. "Just- don't let your guard down."
"Don't worry," Audrey hummed, pressing her lips together in a tight smile. "I'm done doing that."
As though it were possible, Doug managed to look even more miserable.
Fortunately, Mal took it as a slight against her and rolled her eyes, leaving as quickly as she'd come, likely so she could go and cuddle one of her eighteen boyfriends.
"Well," Lonnie said eventually. "That could have gone worse."
"Oh, definitely," Marsaili agreed. "Props for the restraint, Audrey."
Audrey, who had been mentally congratulating herself but hadn't actually expected support from anyone else, let herself preen. "Thank you," she said, feeling closer to her old self.
Doug didn't say anything for the rest of lunch, but what else was new.
-:-:-:-:-:-
"Does he make you happy?" a voice pressed from the shadows when Audrey was walking back to her dorm, making her pause but not tense, because she was the princess of Auroria and she wasn't scared of shit. "This Hook fellow?"
"Shouldn't you be guarding Doug?" Audrey asked, keeping her tone cool but otherwise unaffected. She could only assume this dwarf lingering in darkness was the famous Nori, who had spied on their dates and potentially watched them have sex while Audrey was riding the high of having a supposedly sweet boyfriend.
"Got my brother to take over," Nori said with a shrug. "Believe you lot call him 'Sneezy' over here. He really hates the title, which is one of my bigger joys in life."
Audrey imagined that if she had a sibling, she would delight in their misery too, except if she had a sibling she would fight the world for them and make sure they never got near Grandma Ingrith and tell them that she loved them every day, that she was proud of their achievements and talents and wanted to hear everything they had to say.
"And which one are you?" Audrey asked, since they were making small talk.
"Sleepy," Nori replied. "Which is a joke, since I hardly sleep."
Looks like the legends got a lot of things wrong, but that was just the way of things, wasn't it? Real life rarely lived up to the expectations of fairytales.
"Charmed," Audrey said simply, as basic manners required her to do.
He offered her a wry grin. "Don't think you really mean that, but that's not what I'm here for." He cocked his head to the side in a lazy tilt. "Does that Hook kid make you happy?"
"I wouldn't be with him if he didn't," Audrey said. "Not that it is any of your business."
"Of course," Nori hummed. A pause, then, "Dili told us he didn't explain a few things to you. A lot of things." The dwarf sighed. "Told the lad honesty's important in a relationship, but I wanted you to know that any time you were in the dorms, I wasn't watching you. I kept my focus outside, for potential threats." He shrugged. "Not that there's much of those here in Auradon."
Without realizing it, Audrey felt her shoulders relax, felt something – a lingering anxiety – loosen in her chest.
"Thank you," she said. "For telling me that."
"Thought it might be a concern, is all," he assured her. "Dili feels just awful about what happened."
"I know," Audrey said. "But this…" She pressed her lips together, because for all the time they had spent together, Doug still didn't seem to understand that this could only benefit him. "He would do better with someone else," she settled on. "Someone nice, like Jane."
Nori quirked a brow at her. "You don't think you're nice?"
"I know I'm not," Audrey replied honestly. "Doug doesn't deserve that."
"Deserve what?" Nori asked, expression neutral. "To deal with you?"
"Exactly." Audrey nodded, since he got it. "I am sorry for leaving so abruptly, though. If you could express my apologies to her majesty, I would greatly appreciate it."
Nori stared at her for a hard moment, but Audrey was used to being evaluated. Used to being visually dissected and having her worth determined based on that alone, regardless of whether it was a proper demonstration of her merits.
"Of course," he said eventually, giving her an amicable nod. "Pleasure speaking to you, your highness."
"Likewise, Master Nori," Audrey replied, earning the slightest upwards quirk of his lip that could be considered a smile.
She tried not to think about it as she went about her life.
-:-:-:-:-:-
"Someone's following us," Harry murmured as they made a slow loop around the park closest to Auradon Prep, because for all that Harry pretended not to enjoy Auradon, he loved the shit out of open skies and fresh air, loved plants (assuming they were not magically adhered to him), and thus was always up for getting some vitamin D.
"Where?" Audrey asked, keeping her gaze on her phone as she pretended to take a selfie of them together.
"Forty feet back, on the right," Harry said, giving her camera a dashing grin. "Sticking to the shadows of the trees, but they've been following us for a good ten minutes, maybe longer."
"Peachy," Audrey drawled. "Easiest place to lose them would be in a crowd."
"I'm more interested in finding out who's keeping an eye on us," Harry drawled.
"Fair enough." Audrey considered their options. "Grab my hat like we're having a playful game of keep away. There's a thick grove of trees up on the right. Hide in the bush at the base of the willow. I'll join you there, maybe we can find out our stalker."
"Lovely," Harry chirped, and then he moved to do just that, stealing Audrey's sunhat with a wink before he went jogging off down the path, Audrey following him with a squawked laugh of objection.
At this point, Audrey had mastered the art of running in heels, so she caught up to Harry as soon as they were around the bend, grabbing onto him and dragging him into the thick bush she had told him about. He huddled in front of her – his clothes darker and less eye-catching than hers, and then they waited, both of them calming themselves in slow, deep breaths.
A few minutes later, Nori jogged into the clearing. "Alright, alright," he grumbled, doubling over as he caught his breath, hands braced against his knees. "You caught me."
"What the hell?" Audrey snapped, strolling out of the bush with Harry on her heels. "Why are you spying on us?"
"Because you're the crown prince's mates," Nori informed her with a breathless grin. "Your protection is of utmost importance."
Her brain stopped, but Harry's didn't. "Who the fuck is this guy?" he growled, his voice low in her ear.
"Nori – he works for Doug," Audrey explained. "Who is the crown prince of the dwarf kingdom Erebor."
Harry froze and just sort of blinked at her. "And ye dumped him for me?"
"He wasn't fucking honest with me," Audrey snapped. "You're not a prince, but at least you're honest." She whirled back on Nori. "And what do you mean mates?"
She had not missed the definite pluralization of the word.
Nori beamed at her. "Mean just what I said. You two are the crown prince's mates. Therefore, as a dwarf of Erebor, it is my duty to see that you are protected."
Harry let out a strangled sound. "Fucking- ye can't just involve me since I'm dating her," he snapped. "I'm no prince's mate."
"Genetics begs to differ," Nori sagely informed him. "We dwarves are pretty sure on this stuff. Look," he said when they both might have gotten a bit panicked. "Whether you date Dili or not, you will always be part of him, which means you will always be protected by Erebor. Those are simply the rules."
"This is ludicrous," Audrey snapped.
"It's tradition," Nori countered with a shrug. "If you had properly rejected Dili, we wouldn't be bothering you-"
"I broke up with him," Audrey reminded him with a growl.
"Which he deserved at the time," Nori hummed. "But you stayed broken up with him because you think you'll drag him down, not because you don't care for him. The bond's still there."
"What about me?" Harry snapped. "That fucker doesn't even know me. And I'm dedicated to Uma." And then, after Audrey gave him a strong side eye, he added, "And Audrey."
Nori sighed. "This doesn't make you two automatically beholden to Dili," he explained. "But like it or not, he is dedicated to you, which means you're stuck with us."
"And if I get sent back to the fucking Isle?" Harry snarled.
Nori gave him a dry look. "You are stuck with us. By royal decree, you would be sent back with a guard contingent, though we would fight before things could come to that."
For once Harry seemed struck silent, unsure of what to say.
"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go hide back in the shadows," Nori said, motioning over his shoulder. "Please don't go on anymore crazy sprints, or else we're going to have to increase the number of dwarves on your guard rotation."
They dumbly watched the thin dwarf's back as he strolled away.
"He doesn't watch us have sex, does he?" Harry asked, keeping his voice low.
"Not if we're in the dorms," Audrey said, and let him draw his own conclusion from there.
Well, it looked like they had just gained unwilling tagalongs.
"Whatever," Harry snapped. "They'll get bored eventually. When they realize we're not going to date that- your- the guy," Harry settled on, flustered.
"Right," Audrey said, hoping the words were true. "Right."
-:-:-:-:-:-
Audrey expected Doug to be a bigger presence in her life now that she knew he hadn't let go of his hopes for her (for whatever reason), but that didn't seem to be the case.
She maintained her usual schedule, except instead of hanging out with Doug, she hung out with Harry – sparring with him in the Swords and Shields arena or dragging him down to the museum so she could show him the exhibit they had on notable ships through history. They bought fabric together and Audrey got him a new makeup pallet because if he was going to be her boyfriend he was going to do a proper smokey eye, and they spent time experimenting with online tutorials and painting each other's nails while they talked shit about Mal's crew.
"And Carlos," Harry snapped. "That obnoxious, littleshit. He seems like a simpering victim but he'll pick yer pockets clean and leave ye with a fucking stink bomb if you're not careful. Did it to Gil all the time. He's good at sneaking into places Jadir can't get to. Fucking asshole, stupid shit."
"I think he's mostly a computer nerd now," Audrey offered. "No more pranking for him."
"That's what he wants ye to think," Harry warned, and then he added another layer of glitter to her big toe. "Hey, um- that shipment of fabric ye sent me…"
"The one from last week?" Audrey asked, because they had already gushed at length about the new, high quality fabrics that had been included in that purchase.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't be daft. The one ye sent yesterday."
"I haven't sent you another order yet," Audrey said, her shoulders beginning to tense. "What was included in it?"
Harry froze. "Just nice fabrics and shit. Different stuff than what ye usually send me – brocades and silks and this intricately patterned stuff. Uma already checked it over for anything suspicious, it's fine, I just- I wanted to say I liked it."
"Harry." Audrey's stomach sank. "I didn't send that, but from the sound of things…" She started putting her nail polish away. "I need to see it."
Five minutes later, Audrey was looking over a selection of materials that were definitely from Hanover, and definitely super expensive.
"These are from Doug," Audrey deduced, fingering the cloth.
"Why the hell is your ex-boyfriend sending me presents?" Harry asked, immediately getting flustered. "Is he trying to show me up?"
"I don't know what he's trying to do," Audrey said. "But there's one way to find out."
She texted Doug to meet them in her room, because if they were doing this, it was going to be in private, and it was going to be on her terms.
Five minutes later, they were having a standoff in her sitting room.
"I guess you got the fabric then?" Doug asked, using that soft, fond smile of his that had tricked Audrey so thoroughly before.
"Yes, I got the fucking fabric," Harry snapped. "What the fuck do ye want?"
"You," Doug said simply, countering Harry's fury with such stark directness that it immediately left the pirate flustered.
"Ye don't even fucking know me," Harry snarled, shoving into Doug's space. "Ye can't want me just because ye want her."
"I knew something was missing," Doug said simply, unperturbed by Harry's advances. "And I'm pretty sure you're it." Before Harry could growl again, Doug continued, "Look, neither one of you owe me anything. You don't have to be involved with me at all. We don't even have to be friends, but…" He reached forward, twining Harry's fingers with his own, making the pirate freeze by the easy intimacy of the action. "You're it for me," he said, the blunt statement leaving Audrey breathless. He raised one of his hands to cup Harry's cheek and the pirate was so thrown that he didn't even try to shake him off. "I know I haven't given you two a reason to love me yet, but I'd like to fight for that chance. Because you're both so strong and passionate-" Harry's expression shifted into something defensive, though there was no denying the flush that spread across his cheeks. "You're dedicated to your crew, Harry," Doug said, his voice quiet. "You would fight the world for them if you had to. That's…" A blush spread across the bridge of his nose. "Attractive. You're both very-" He swallowed. "I know I'm not good enough for either of you, but I'd like to try to be."
"And what- what makes ye think I'd want to be with a guy?" Harrys spat, rattled and falling back on his usual fears. "I'm not fucking-"
Doug let go of Harry's hand, but that was only so he could slide his palm to the small of the pirate's back and urge him forward until they were flush against each other. And that- the assertiveness, maybe it did something to Audrey, and it certainly did something to Harry, who cut off with a gasp.
"I want to treasure you," Doug offered simply, making Harry shiver in his hold. "Both of you. I want to cherish you and support you and be there for you, and no matter how much you snarl or sneer or think you're not worth it, that won't change."
Harry seemed frozen. "Ye can't- Ye can't touch me like this."
"I'll stop if you want me to," Doug said evenly. "Do you want me to? Because I'd be happy to cuddle you. I'd be happy to hold you close and comfort you however I can. I want to-"
"Ye don't know me," Harry snapped, jerking his head out of Doug's hold.
Doug countered this by dropping that hand to wrap around Harry's waist, both hands now pressed against the small of his back. "I don't need to know what you've done. It doesn't matter what you did to survive the Isle, what matters is what you're doing now, and from what I can tell, you're just trying to live your life."
Harry was visibly trembling now, trying to hold himself together. "I'm dedicated to Uma."
"I know," Doug hummed. "We both do. Wouldn't have it any other way, really."
"She doesn't even like me," Harry snapped, and it took Audrey a moment to realize he wasn't talking about his captain, but her.
"Harry, you dumb shit," Audrey muttered, breaking out of her reverie so she could wrap herself around the pirate's back. "I like you a lot. You're salty and loyal and fucking cute as a button."
"I am not," Harry hissed.
"And I am happy to be your actual girlfriend, regardless of how much you love Uma."
"Because your loyalty is part of you," Doug said, smiling wide. "And we love that."
"Ye dumb shits," Harry muttered, tensing. "Ye can't- I'm the fucking crazy one, don't ye get it? I'm no good."
"You're plenty of good," Audrey said, nuzzling Harry's shoulder.
"Spades of good," Doug agreed. "Now please, let us love you."
"Ye shouldn't," Harry insisted with a tight voice. "Don't-"
"Harold goddamn Hook-" Audrey muttered.
"It's Harrison," the pirate snapped.
"You are just going to have to trust us, you dumb asshole," Audrey continued. "And I know that's terrifying, because we haven't experienced the same shit you have. We didn't have to fight to survive the Isle and we have no way of understanding how bad it got, but please, trust that here and now, we want to be here for you, for all of it. The good and the bad. Because you're Harry Hook, and you're snarky and talented and so very loyal, and those are perfectly loveable qualities."
"Ye two are stupid," Harry said, but when he ducked his head to the side, there seemed to be a hint of moisture in his eyes.
"For you, yes," Doug said, reaching up again to cup Harry's cheek. That time, the pirate didn't shove him off. "May I kiss you?"
"And if I said no?" Harry asked, voice soft.
"Then I wouldn't kiss you," Doug said simply. "Even if we were courting, I wouldn't kiss you if you didn't want it. We could get married and never kiss."
"Are ye daft?" Harry sputtered. "Don't- don't talk about marriage and that- what good would I be if I didn't even satisfy you sexually?"
That made Doug growl. Douglass. Booknerd Douglass let out an actual growl. "Harry, you don't owe me or Audrey or anyone anything, and if we were married, you would continue to not owe us your physical affection because that's not how it works." He squeezed Harry's cheek. "We only ask for your heart, and to be trusted to share in your burdens."
"Auradon bullshit," Harry murmured, seeming overwhelmed. "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard."
"It's how Auradon works," Audrey reminded him.
"You don't ever have to have sex with me," Doug said. "It wouldn't stop me from loving you."
Harry shuddered. "Idiots."
"Harry." Audrey squeezed him tight. "You can fight it all you want; it isn't going to change how we feel. So just- if you need time to think this over-"
"If I think about it, I'll fucking explode," Harry said, and then in a true demonstration of throwing caution to the wind, Harry grabbed either side of Doug's face and dragged him in for a kiss.
Doug immediately melted, letting out a low keen as he collapsed against Harry, scrambling to hold onto him. Harry seemed empowered by that, happy to cradle Doug close as he deepened the kiss, until they broke apart with a low croon.
Doug stared at him, dazed and flushed and Harry didn't look much better, for all that he'd been in charge.
"I um… I still love Uma," Harry admitted, licking his lips.
Doug gave him a dreamy sort of smile. "We wouldn't have you any other way."
"What he said," Audrey murmured, turning Harry's head towards her so she could kiss him too, and somehow the sound Doug made was even more affected, despite not being involved at all.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Endnotes:
Thank you guys for the feedback! Your support is always a large comfort – especially for a story as absurd and nonsensical as this one ^_^
Story notes:
Marsaili is an OC I made up to round out the royal heirs. She is the daughter of Queen Merida of Dun Broch. You are free to use her if you need a miscellaneous young royal – just throw me a shout out in the comments. I know how annoying it can be to invent a new human ;)
For those of you familiar with the Hobbit, Dori is Sneezy, who is Nori (Sleepy's) older brother.
Until next time