Warning: Cutting, attempted suicide, cussing, and prevailing dark themes. Please exorcize extreme caution with this chapter.

Chapter 5: Why continue?

Nico's POV.

"Nico, why did you not help young Bakugo against the vanguard action squad?" Nezu asked as I sat in his office. I sighed, and looked across the assembled teachers. All-Might wasn't present after his win over All for One. Aizawa was giving me a look. Present Mic was standing next to him, and his signature smile was absent. I looked back to the principle.

"I have my reasons." I answered.

"Nico, we can't help you if we don't know what's wrong." Nezu stated. My eyes hardened.

"If you want to know what's wrong, just ask Aizawa." I spat out. They both turned to my homeroom teacher. He gave me a quizzical look.

"What can I tell them?" he asked.

"Everything. There's no hiding it." I replied. he sighed, and leaned against Present Mic.

"At the training camp, Nico had a nightmare. His screaming woke me up, and I rushed to the cabin fearing an attack. After he calmed down, and woke up, we had a discussion in my quarters. He had a very traumatic experience in his past, which led to some drama where he's from. He got depressed, and was relocated by his father's assistant to get over his past." He said in a monotone.

"Well, now that you know what amounts to my life's story, I'll be going to my dorm now." I stood, and left the room. Even Aizawa wouldn't admit it. I tried to kill myself. Why couldn't they accept that and get over it? I stopped outside my room, and sighed. I opened the door, and went in.

I shut and locked the door to my new dorm. I went over, and sat on my bed. It wasn't the same without Tomura. I closed my eyes, and laid back. I could do this. I could get through it. I didn't need Tomura anyway. It wasn't like he was the only thing keeping the nightmares away. it wasn't like I enjoyed having a friend who wasn't scared of my power. Yeah right. Why was I lying to myself anyway? I was just a pathetic excuse of a demigod. A demon.

Memories of last night came back full force. I was going to have to pick. I didn't want to pick! I loved them both! Gah! Why was love so difficult? I unbraided my hair, and let it hang at my shoulders.

I opened my eyes. Why continue? What was there for me to live for? To be a hero? Yeah right. The way I'd spoken to the teachers, that was highly unlikely. I stood, and started pacing. Why was I even here? I stopped pacing, and pulled a sheet of sturdy paper out of the shadows. I pulled the dagger off my hip. I looked at it for a minute before slicing into the top of my arm. I stifled my hiss of pain, and dipped my fingers into the blood that was now pouring freely from my arm. I hesitated for a second thinking what to do, before I pressed my fingers to the page.

"Tomura,
I'm sorry.
-Nico."

I wrote in my blood. I wiped my fingers off on my jacket. Then, I released my aura and healed the cut on my arm. I looked at the letter, and sent it through the shadows to where I felt Shigaraki's life force. That was as much as I could do.

I pulled off my now bloody jacket, and set on my nightstand. I looked at my dagger. I twirled it on my fingers for a moment, before a thought entered my mind. This wasn't such a bad place to die. I looked at the dagger in my hand. death, such a funny thing death was. So easy, and yet so hard. The smallest of cuts, the step of a foot, the rope a noose. So easy. The dagger in my hand subconsciously made its way to my wrist. I looked at my wrist in a sort of trance. A small amount of pressure. A split-second decision.

What would Shoto and Katsuki think? They'd probably thank me; I was just a worthless not even human being.

I pushed down.

Katsuki Bakugo's POV.

I had a feeling. A feeling that something was terribly wrong. I sighed, and put on a shirt. I went out into the hallway. I walked down it, and stopped in front of Nico's room. The feeling of terrible unease was coming from his room. That couldn't be a good sign. Plus, he hadn't been alright last night. I knocked on his door.

"Hey! You in there?!" I called out.

No answer. I tried again.

"Nico?! Are you there?!" I demanded.

Still no answer. Screw it. I blasted his door down, causing a loud noise. Good thing it was the middle of the day. No one else was here. I stepped into his room, and my nose was assaulted with the coppery smell of blood. What? I turned his lights on, and gasped audibly. Nico was lying on his bed completely pale in a pool of his own black blood. Both of his wrists had been slashed open, and his black dagger was on the bed nearby also coated in his black blood.

"Fuck! Someone help!" I yelled, and ran over to the goth teen who I called friend, and hoped to call more. What the fuck did I do?!

"Bakugo? What are you-?" the voice cut off when they saw Nico. "Fuck." Todoroki announced. He ran over, and grabbed Nico's wrist in his left hand. the smell of burning flesh filled the room. He let go, and grabbed his other wrist.

"What are you doing?!" I demanded.

"Cauterizing his wrists so that he doesn't die you idiot. He still has a pulse." Icy-Hot said gruffly. I didn't respond. He let go of his other wrist.

"We need to get him to the nurse." I said, and picked up the teen.

"Let's go." he replied. we left his room in a rush, and basically ran to Recovery girl's wing. I kicked the door open.

"Bakugo? Todoroki? What are you two doing here?" she asked coming in from the back room.

"Nico." Todoroki said. I set Nico down on the pristine white bed. She gasped when she saw his burned wrists.

"What happened?" she asked, and activated her quirk. Icy-Hot's face contorted, and he sat down hard in a chair.

"Bakugo found him with his wrists slit." He said in an icy voice that reminded me of his quirk. I nodded, and sat in a chair on the side of Nico.

She pulled away.

"Well, he'll live. He might not wake up for some time though. When he does, I want one of you to notify the teachers." She said, and left the room.

We sat there in silence for a long time. Neither of us wanted to address the elephant in the room, so we let it slide.

Then, Nico's finger twitched.

Nico's POV.

Blackness greeted me on every side. Was this death? No. I was a son of Hades, I'd go to a Greek afterlife. Then, what was wrong? Was it because I was in a different universe? Was Thanatos busy? I floated for a while, before white began to creep into the corners of my vision.

I opened my eyes. It was bright. I closed my eyes again. What was going on? the underworld wasn't bright. I opened my eyes, and let them adjust to the high light levels. I felt through my body. I was still alive. That was the only conclusion I could draw. I looked around, and saw that I was once again in the nurse's office. Well shit.

"Nico? Can you hear me?" a voice asked. I blinked a few more times and looked for the source of the voice. Shoto was sitting next to my bed. I looked at him.

"Yes. I can hear you." I answered, and sat up. I looked down at my hands, and then at my wrists. I had burn scars. So, he must've found me and stopped the bleeding. I looked back at his face. He was glaring at my line of sight. I turned my wrists down, and stared at his face until he turned back to my face.

"Nico, what in the name of all that's holy made you do that?!" he demanded. I sighed, and closed my eyes.

"Many things." I replied, and rubbed my eyes. "I don't want to talk about it." I shut his protest off. The door opened, and Bakugo came in followed by Nezu, and Aizawa. Ugh, I could not deal with them right now. I turned to Katsuki.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I'm the one who found you." He answered. I sighed. Great, just fucking great. my two friends had both found me. the fates somehow were still screwing me over.

"Todoroki, Bakugo, could you leave us." Nezu commanded. My friends stood, and left the room. I laid back against the pillows.

"What do you want now?" I asked, and closed my eyes.

"We wanted to know why you did this." Nezu told me.

"Well, too bad. I don't want to talk about it. and, once again, I already told Aizawa. But even he can't seem to just accept the past. I've gotten over it, why can't you?" I questioned. my head was killing me as my body was trying to heal the burns on my arms.

"Shota? Do you know what he means?" Nezu whispered.

"Unfortunately, yes. Nico has tried to commit suicide in the past. I didn't bring it up, as I didn't think it applied to the current situation. Apparently, I was wrong." He said. I got the reprimand for what it was.

"You know, this wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't made this choice." I announced.

"Do tell." Nezu said, turning his full attention to me. I sighed.

"In the fight against All for One. He gave me a choice; Hero or Villain. I'm actually good, was good friends with Shigaraki. I like to think that my other friendships are still there, but that's most likely foolish dreaming. Anyway, I've actually been living with them for the past month or so. We had a deal in place. I don't tell them anything; they don't tell me anything. I don't harm them; they leave me and my friends alone. And, it was working out pretty well. That is, until the training camp." I closed my eyes, and sighed.

"They got a new member, and he didn't recognize me in the dark of the forest. He accidentally captured me as well. When they let us out, I went full demon. If it weren't for Katsuki's quick thinking, they'd all be dead. Kacchan included. Then, I had to explain a little to Katsuki that I knew the villains, and that as long as he didn't attack anyone, they wouldn't harm him; as he was under my protection. So, we played a very interesting game of truth or dare, got drunk off our asses, and fell asleep in my/Shigaraki's room. Next morning, I deduced that the heroes were going to show up. we devised a plan so that I could neither help nor hinder the villains. Katsuki agreed to it, and I strapped him to a chair. You know the rest." I finished my tale.

"How do we know we can trust you?" Nezu asked intently.

"I chose heroes. Tomura took that as a betrayal of the worst kind. I doubt he'll ever even speak to me again." I clenched my eyes shut to stop the tears. I couldn't show any weakness! "Plus, since he's now the default leader of the League, I can't really be a villain anymore. That path was rudely snatched from me by All for One. But I will not attack my once friends. Even if I go pro. I've been the recipient of too many betrayals to do that." I said through clenched teeth.

"Hmm, but can we Trust you?" he repeated. I looked up, and smirked a maniacal smile.

"No. but you need me." I stated, a glint in my eye. "You need my powers, and you know it. I know it. if my powers were to get into someone else's hands, you're all screwed. There are other villains out there that are not part of the league. I could still join one of those groups. So, no. you can trust me about as far as you can throw me, which is not that far." I answered truthfully.

"So, what do you propose we do about that?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I wouldn't know. there are many different paths you could take. But are they the right path? Like you could technically send me to jail for associating with villains. But you know the nature of my quirk. That wouldn't do anything other than make me an enemy of the law. One more reason for me to go villain. Or, maybe you could just expel me. but what would that accomplish? I would have no place to stay, and no obligations to the heroes. So, make your decision wisely." I replied.

One way or another, I didn't really care. Any way they chose, I would still be a captive to something. I was kind of regretting my decision to be a hero. As a villain, at least I was respected for my powers. As a hero, I was disrespected for my darker than light powers. I wonder if that's how Hitoshi feels? His quirk is also dark in nature. Maybe I could talk to him about it. he would most likely understand what I was feeling.

"I will take it up with the board as for what to do with you." Nezu announced, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Until then, I ask that you do not leave school property." So, he didn't want me running off. Alright then.

"Alright. Well, apparently I have to go clean my dorm." I said, and jumped out of bed. My feet hit the floor silently. I slipped out of the nurse's room before they could argue that I shouldn't leave. I shadow traveled to my dorm, and found Todoroki already there. he was cleaning the bed off.

"Who would've thought I'd see you in here." I said, and walked up behind him. he turned.

"Nico." He greeted. I shrugged, and started cleaning as well.

After maybe an hour, my dorm lost the coppery smell, and my bed and floor were no longer painted black with my blood.

"Thanks for helping." I told Shoto. He turned to me.

"Why?" he asked. I closed my eyes.

"I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Come back in a few days." I told him.

"Fine. Sleep well." He left my room. I let out a breath. I pulled on a hoodie that covered all the down my wrists, and had holes for my thumbs. I couldn't be alone. Not tonight. I stood back up. what did I do? I could go without sleep for long periods of time, but that wouldn't help my attitude. Was there anyone who I could go to who wouldn't ask questions? Where was Tomura when you needed him? I sat down on the floor, and cried.

Why was I always alone? Wasn't there anyone who understood my situation? What I'd done? What I had to do just to stay alive? I wept my heart out on my dorm floor. I needed a friend. Not Todoroki. He didn't understand what I was going through. He understood pain, and heartache. But he didn't understand the horror that was the world. He was a very shepherded child. He didn't know what some people had to do just to stay alive. Not Bakugo either. He wasn't an emotional person. He thought of the world as a competition.

My sobs grew quieter until I was just rocking back and forth. I dried my face off, and sat back. What did I do now? Who in UA would just open the door to me? who in their right mind would just let me stay in their room for the night to keep me from being alone?

I doubt any of the boys would be okay with that; As all of class 1-A and 1-B knew that I was gay AF.

Ochaco was too inquisitive, I didn't want to answer any questions. Momo was too smart, I wouldn't have to answer any questions; she'd figure it out on her own. Jiro was a maybe. Mina was too bubbly.

Hmm, oh! I've got it! Izuku would do it! he was too nice not to. Plus, he wouldn't think it was weird. I looked at my watch. It was 9:28. What time did Midoriya go to bed? Guess I'd find out. I left my dorm, and walked over to where Midoriya's was. I knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" he called out.

"Nico." I replied. he opened the door.

"Hi Nico! How can I help you?" he asked brightly.

"Um, can I come in?" I asked, not really wanting to discuss it in the hallway.

"Oh, sure!" he pulled the door open, and shut it behind us.

"What can I help you with?" he asked.

"Um, I was wondering if you'd like to hang out. As friends." I emphasized for his benefit. "I don't really want to be alone right now, and I was wondering if you'd let me stay over here." I said.

"Of course! Should we invite some others?"

"You can invite anyone you want." I stated.

"Great! I send a group text that we're having a small get together at my dorm!" he said, and fished out his phone. He sent the text, and I sat on the floor.

A few minutes later a knock came on the door.

"Who is it?" Izuku asked.

"It's the girls!" chimed a few different voices. He opened the door, and all six of class 1-A's girls came in.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi Nico!" Mina gushed.

Not too long after that, Denki and Shoji showed up. then Sero, and Sato. Pretty soon most of the class was there. Shoto, Katsuki, and Eijiro being the only exceptions. Even the little perv Mineta was there. he got slapped by one of the girls. That was funny.

"So, what was the reason for the party?" Momo asked, coming over to where Izuku, Denki, and I were sitting.

"Just a get together! We were all feeling a little lonely." Izuku said happily. Dang, the kid knew how to lie. I looked out over all the people. This was helping. At least here in front of all these people there were things to get my mind off of the league, and the fact that my only two friends were queer. Yes, the party was helping.

"We should play a game!" Mina said, jumping up.

"Oh, what game?" Momo asked, turning to the pink girl.

"Truth or Dare!" Mina announced.

End of chapter 5.