Chapter 5

The remaining days of isolation went by much quicker than the first few tense days. They were both still harbouring their individual worries, but to their surprise, Ayla and Zoug found that once they began talking about hunting, they could spend a large part of the day in animated conversation.

Zoug was more than a little flattered by Ayla's glowing admiration for his youthful hunting prowess and didn't need to be asked twice to keep telling her of his most exciting and memorable hunts, while Ayla was beyond happy that she had the undivided attention of a hunter who was all too willing to tell her as many hunting stories as she would wish for.

On top of that, Zoug began testing her on her knowledge about the animals one could hunt with the sling - from their hiding places over their feeding and watering habits and mating seasons to the areas nearby where one was likely to find them, and how to best stalk and hunt them. As Zoug had assumed, she knew much already, and especially about the predators that roamed the area, but there was a lot he could still teach her, facts and tricks that would make her even more successful and which he had come to learn during his long years as a hunter.

Although neither would admit it to the other, they were both impatient for the day when the isolation would be over and they would be able to put Zoug's teachings into practice for the first time. Ayla imagined herself killing their evening meal for the day and preparing it for her mate, who would look at her proudly and eat it with relish, satisfied with his mate's abilities.

Zoug, for his part, was looking forward to watching his unusual mate bring down whatever prey they would find with her astounding double stone technique, and he had to admit to himself that he found it amusing to think of the most traditional Clan members' faces when they would return. Yes, Ayla had been coming home with kills for Creb's hearth for quite a while now, but still, it would be different to see a man return to the cave with his mate and for them both to have a kill slung over their shoulder. Oh yes, he was looking forward to this very much.

.-.-.-.

In the Clan, it was considered rude to look into the boundaries of another man's hearth, and especially during the isolation period following a mating, it was as if the freshly mated couple didn't exist to the rest of the Clan. When they left the cave to pass their water or waste, they would ignore everyone else and be ignored in return, so as not to interfere with their isolation.

Nonetheless, since there were no actual physical barriers to people's sight, the accidental glance into another hearth every now and then couldn't be entirely avoided. That, and in addition the unusualness of Zoug and Ayla's mating, were the reason why, over the course of their isolation, most of the other Clan members stole at least one or two covert looks into the hearth of the new couple. They were all astounded by the lively conversations that seemed to be going on, and even if they managed to quickly tear their gaze away again, they all gathered that the primary subject at Zoug's heart was the hunt.

The women shook their heads to themselves at this topic of conversation. Why would a woman want to talk about hunting so much? It was a frightening thing, having to go out with the men, having to watch them put themselves in such danger, and most of the women wouldn't even watch from their hiding place if it was near enough, but prefer to look away, waiting in tense fear until one of the men called them after it was all over. True, they did enjoy the hunt dances at feasts, and they were proud of their brave men, but still, there was too much danger and excitement involved, and they were glad not to know or hear about it too much when it wasn't necessary.

In turn, the men couldn't understand why Zoug would be so invested in talking about hunting with a woman. Yes, Ayla was the Woman Who Hunts and had great skill with the sling, but still. If she were their mate . . . some imagined that it might be useful to have a hunting mate at their hearths, others couldn't even contemplate it. But none could imagine discussing hunting with their mate at great length. If she had to hunt by decree of the spirits, so be it, but they wouldn't be more involved than necessary.

Still, almost the whole Clan agreed - without talking about it, as it would have betrayed their impolite acknowledgement of the goings-on in the boundaries of Zoug's hearth - that so far, the two seemed to be a good match. If Zoug wanted to indulge his mate in this way, well, it wasn't exactly forbidden for a man to tell hunting stories to his woman. It simply wasn't done, or hadn't been done until now. And that he might be teaching her - she could hunt, so having a teacher seemed logical. Again, it was simply that nobody had thought of it before. It was all highly untraditional, but then, Ayla and her unique status were untraditional as well. As long as it didn't affect the Clan in any negative way, there was no harm in it.

There was one Clan member, though, who felt differently.

Broud, other than the rest of the Clan, had been watching the newly mated couple deliberately. He'd managed to hide it from everyone, knowing that it would make him look rude and undisciplined, but although his curiosity angered him, he couldn't keep himself from spying on Zoug and Ayla. What he saw infuriated him. Both Ayla and Zoug's behaviour was entirely unbecoming of people of the Clan, especially a Clan that would be his to lead one day.

No Clan woman should hunt, and if the spirits had truly insisted on it for whatever reasons with Ayla, at least she shouldn't be flaunting her unnatural desires so openly. He hated every time she came back to the cave with a kill, and to think that now she was pestering her mate for hunting stories and advice . . . It was preposterous! Broud would never tolerate such brazen, unwomanly conduct from his mate.

And Zoug - every time he watched them, Broud could barely prevent himself from angrily shaking his head at the foolish old man.

It wasn't inexplicable that Ayla wasn't behaving as she should, since she had never been taught her place properly. Not by Iza, who should have explained her her female duties of submission and subservience well enough for Ayla to understand that she wasn't to stray from them as she'd done far too often. Not by Mog-ur, who'd never disciplined her enough, even though he was the man of her hearth and her poor behaviour reflected on him. And not even by Brun, the leader, who'd been far harsher on the son of his mate than he ever had been on the strange Others woman.

No, Ayla's misbehaviour he could explain, if not forgive. But Zoug should know better. He had been the second in command to the leader before Brun, he was an experienced man, respected by the entire Clan. How could he be having this continuous lapse in judgment? True, Broud had never liked him, but he wasn't stupid enough to believe the old man had been without merits in his time. So what was it now that made him forget proper manly behaviour? Was this what old age did to a man? If so, Broud hoped he would never get to this stage that made the mind as feeble as the body.

There was nothing he could do now, though, and that was what frustrated Broud the most. Once again, Ayla was flaunting Clan traditions and roping a man into indulging and even participating in her undue activities, and Broud had to watch helplessly.

One day, he swore to himself as he once more observed an inappropriate conversation between the mated couple, one day he would make it all end.

.-.-.-.

The first morning after Zoug and Ayla's mating isolation dawned crisp and clear. The evening before, the men had confirmed the mating in a men's ceremony, and Zoug had been tempted to stay back and talk to Mog-ur then, but had thought better of it. Such complicated spirit matters as the dream-visions he'd had demanded an alert mind.

As he sipped his morning tea, though, he didn't feel all that alert. This morning, Ayla's morning sickness had caused her to throw up particularly hard and particularly early, waking Zoug after a night of fitful sleep. Despite his enjoyment of their conversations over the last days and the relief that the tense silence between them had not lasted, the worry about the message Zoug had received form the spirits had never left him. He'd only shoved it to the back of his mind, but the closer the end of the isolation had come, the harder it had become to ignore.

If only Mog-ur were done with his morning meal soon! Zoug sighed in impatience, discreetly glancing over to Mog-ur's hearth, where the occupants were just beginning to rise. He would have to wait for a while longer. Why was it that the closer it was to a desired event, the worse the waiting seemed to become? In all his years, he hadn't found an answer to that question.

Finally, Mog-ur and his hearth had eaten their meal, and Zoug could wait no longer.

"Ayla. I'm going to speak to Mog-ur," he announced to his mate, who was just done cleaning up the hearth. Seeing her hopeful look, he added: "You may come with me and visit with your mother and sister."

She nodded eagerly, and together, they walked over to Mog-ur's hearth.

.-.-.-.

"What is it that you need to talk about?" Mog-ur asked when he and Zoug had settled down in the smaller cave that he used to commune with the spirits.

"I had a dream - or rather, two dreams. They were unsettling, and I think they might have been sent to me by the spirits."

As Zoug had expected, Mog-ur looked surprised, since usually, only a mog-ur would receive such a vision, and sometimes, even if rarely, a leader. There had been times when another man had received a vision, but those incidents were few and far between and mostly related in stories.

"What makes you think that?"

Zoug was uncertain of what to say. "The content of the dreams, but also . . . I'm not quite sure how to explain. There was an odd feeling, one that I only know from the men's ceremonies, when you lead us into the spirit world. It was the same in both dreams. I don't believe that I have ever experienced it at any other time."

Mog-ur nodded. "It's the presence of the spirit world that you feel at the ceremonies. If you felt the same during those dreams, it is likely that they were indeed spirit visions. Tell me about them. Maybe we can find out why they were sent to you."

Zoug began with the first dream, describing the surroundings in which he had found himself as well as the two couples of animals he had seen and their activities. "What am I to make of this, Mog-ur?" he asked when he had finished. "What do the spirits want to tell me?"

Mog-ur was looking into the fire with a thoughtful frown. "That does sound very much like a dream sent by the spirits," he eventually said. As for its meaning . . ." He looked up at Zoug again. "Before I say anything, tell me what you think it could mean."

Zoug sighed; he had hoped that Mog-ur would be able to quickly interpret the dreams for him. But he was granted no such luck.

"It confuses me," he began, "but if you insist, I'll try. I believe that the bison and the grouse I saw could have been totem animals that represented Brun and Ebra, since Brun's totem is the Bison, and Ebra's the Grouse. They behaved like a mated couple of the Clan, and the bison treated the grouse just like Brun would do with Ebra. It was a model of manly Clan behaviour, as was the grouse in terms of female behaviour. It felt safe with the bison and was eager to obey it."

It was strange to talk about spirits and visions like this with Mog-ur, but the holy man only nodded at his words, indicating for Zoug to go on.

"The woolly rhino and the hare could have represented Broud and Oga. The rhino -" Zoug hesitated, but then plunged on, knowing that Mog-ur wouldn't repeat his words to anyone except maybe the leader. "It was impatient and undisciplined, shoving the hare and frightening it. It reminded me of Broud and his constant cuffing of Oga. And just like Oga, the hare was always nervous and trying to please the rhino, but nothing it did seemed good enough."

"Your interpretation seems accurate to me," Mog-ur agreed. "What do you believe might the spirits have wanted to show you with it?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Zoug objected. "I am not a mog-ur like you."

"So far, you've done well. Now, go on."

"The only explanation I can come up with is that they wanted to show me how to treat a woman, how to be a good mate. Brun and Ebra would have been the positive example, Broud and Oga the negative. But Mog-ur, why would I need such a reminder? I never treated Uva like Broud does with Oga, and I believe the spirits think the same. At least it seemed like that in the second dream."

"Then tell me about that one," Mog-ur demanded. "When there is more than one vision, often enough they only make sense together."

This made sense to Zoug, especially considering that the second dream had seemed like a continuation of the first.

"In the beginning, it was a repetition of the first," he explained. "Everything happened exactly as it had before. Then there was another couple of totem spirits: the Brown Bear and the Vole. I believe they represented me and Uva. They did everything the previous couples had done, but they resembled the Bison and the Hare in their behaviour. It's because of this that I think the spirits believe I know how to treat a woman right."

"Was that all?"

"No. After a while, the vole vanished, and . . ." Zoug stilled his hand and drew a deep, calming breath. "There was a cave lioness who took its place. A lioness, Mog-ur, not a lion!"

The holy man's eyebrows shot upward in surprise at Zoug's words, and Zoug nodded emphatically. "Do you see now why I said the dreams were unsettling? Is it possible that Ayla's totem is not the Cave Lion, but the Cave Lioness, like Goov suggested?"

Frowning deeply, Mog-ur once more stared into the fire for a while. "Back when Goov said it, I thought it unlikely," he said in the end. "I have searched my memories since then, but none tell of a female totem spirit. But if your dream was indeed sent by the spirits - and I believe it was - then it must be possible. Goov speculated about it, and now the spirits have confirmed his idea to you."

He looked disturbed, and Zoug felt overwhelmed at the confirmation. A female totem - but what could that mean? And why?

When he asked, Mog-ur only shook his head. "Those questions are too complicated to answer now. I will have to meditate about them, and it might not be for many days or even moons that I will find an answer, if I find it at all. It might be because Ayla is Others. We know little about them, but maybe their women can have female totems. But there also could be a completely different reason. Is this all that happened in the dream or is there more?"

"Well, the couple looked just as harmonious as the others except the rhino and vole," Zoug said, "and the lioness did everything the other females did. It obeyed every order and was submissive like a good Clan woman. But it was strange to look at, I must admit. Something was off about the whole thing."

"What do you mean? It sounds like a good thing to me. It could mean that Ayla will be as good of a mate to you as we all hoped. Maybe this is the reason why you were given these visions: to reassure you, and all of us, that mating her to you was the right decision."

Zoug wanted to believe the explanation. It would mean that everything was perfectly in order: his hearth would be a happy one, the spirits were pleased with him and his mate and had wanted to reassure the Clan that they had done well concerning the Others woman that had grown up in their midst. And yet . . .

"This hunter does not wish to contradict the mog-ur in spirit matters," he began formally, "since he knows nothing of the spirits. But if the mog-ur would allow it, he would voice some concerns."

"Zoug, don't be so formal," Mog-ur chided. "We are both too old to bother with this when there is nobody else around. Besides -" His eyes glittered with amusement, "I have to say that I'm impressed with your ability to interpret these spirit visions. I wonder why you were never considered for acolyte training."

Now it was Zoug whose eyebrows shot up. "I - you think I could have been a mog-ur?" He had never even considered such a thing.

"At the very least you show more wisdom and aptitude than most who are not. Although that might also be due to your long experience. You do have a flexible mind, though, which is important for dealing with spirit matters. If you were still a boy, I would test you to see if you were suitable; this is not the first time that I have thought this. But it doesn't really matter, since you are not a boy anymore."

And Zoug was glad about it. He didn't outright fear the spirit world, but he felt no wish to have to do with it constantly. Even this matter was more than enough already.

"Well, then I'll go on with things that do matter," he said instead of voicing those thoughts. "I want to think that the dreams mean exactly what you say they do, but I can't discount that feeling of wrongness."

"Describe it to me," Mog-ur requested.

"I'm not sure how to say it. It was . . . it should have felt right, but it didn't. That lioness - she was almost as tall as the bear, there was barely a difference. Usually, a woman's totem spirit is smaller than their mate's. And also, if you look at brown bears and cave lions, the lions are much more powerful hunters, especially the lionesses. To see one so subservient to the bear . . . there was just something about it that didn't sit right with me." Zoug shrugged in frustration. "Everything was as it should be with a Clan couple, so I don't understand why I would have this problem."

Mog-ur looked at him thoughtfully. "It's true, everything was as it should be with a Clan couple. But then, Ayla isn't actually Clan, is she? We keep assuming that because we accepted her into the Clan, she must behave like us, like Clan, but there have been so many instances when it has become clear that she is not like us. That in obeying Clan traditions, she might even be acting against her true nature."

"Like her swimming that saved Ona, or the desire to hunt," Zoug agreed. "Do you believe it is because of this that what I saw felt off?"

"It might be. But I'm not sure why the spirits would show you this. Ayla was not born to the Clan, but she is one of us now and must behave accordingly. There have been so many concessions to her already." Mog-ur shook his head. "I will have to think about this more deeply."

Zoug couldn't deny that he was disappointed. He had been hoping that Mog-ur would be able to come up with an interpretation that explained the dreams and would take away his uncertainty and confusion. Instead, he felt at least as confused as before, if only for different reasons.

"I wonder what about Ayla is so important that the spirits would bother with her so much."

"That is a question I've been asking myself for a long time," Mog-ur confided. "So far, I have no answer."