This morning, it's been the worst I've ever felt. I woke up with my voice raspy and an unending river of tears falling from my eyes. The couch I crashed on yesterday, seemed to trap me in. I looked over to see Trish lying opposite to me on the beanbag, sound asleep.
I stared at the ceiling with this empty feeling. There was this huge part of me that was missing. What sort of a person was I? How could I forget the fact that I was married!
Almost lifeless, I stretched my hand to the center table and grabbed my new phone. Not even the Z-phone could change my mood. Swiping it, I looked at the time: 7:35 am. The boring pickle background on the phone I set yesterday, seemed to be staring back at me with such ferocity that I felt like a dead woman.
I immediately went online and searched Austin Moon on the device. I smiled sadly at the young blonde who appeared. He was my husband, who I could only half remember now.
The weight of reality finally crashed down on me, as I choked out a loud sob. Suddenly, a pair of arms encircled me and engulfed me in a hug, "It's going to be okay, girl! I promise you," her voice was laced with such sincerity that for a split second, I actually believed her.
I shook my head vigorously, "How...How can I..I forget someone so important?"
Trish looked at me concerned and then replied, "That is why you forgot him."
I stared at her in bewilderment.
"Ally, in most cases of amnesia, the person tends to forget the things that matter most, that's how the brain works."
I nodded solemnly.
Sensing my insecurity, she continued, "Do you remember when you got married?"
"I remember that our engagement was on 10th September," I replied, remembering what Dez had said.
After a moment of closing my eyes and relaxing, I tried to recall the marriage vows once more. Suddenly, a painful flash surged through my head and I winced as a vision of my wedding day started to form in my mind.
My white gown, that was once my mom's…. The planning done by Trish... the church….the guests….my dad and then, him.
There he stood at the altar in a crisp tuxedo and his eyes wide, looking at me as if I was the most precious thing, he had ever laid eyes on. I recalled his beautiful vows and that tantalizing kiss and the way he grinned at me in satisfaction. The more I saw his face, the wider my smile got. The wedding night and several other nights after floated clearly through my mind. I blushed a bright red at this and forced myself to open my eyes.
"It was on June 21st, six years ago...his mom's birthday," I smiled, looking down, "The best night of my life!"
"Oh, best night huh?" Trish smirked deviously, "How was the wedding then?"
"Wedding was amazing -wait a minute, what do you mean by- OH! TRISH!" I explained, blushing a bright red.
"I am not talking about that with you right now!" I exclaimed.
"Chill girl! I was just teasing," she smiled, "Anyways, according to your medical report, there is a chance you forgot things that happened more recently, like your marriage."
Taking my silence as a good sign, she continued, "But remember, you forgot him; you forgot us because you love us to the moon and beyond. It will be difficult to recall but I will be with you through every step," she smiled.
How did I get so lucky to have such people in my life! Closing my eyes and sighing in content, I got up to get ready for the day.
Once, I slipped on a casual tank top and some jeans, I walked up to the kitchen counter.
"Trish, do you by any chance, have the Marino High Yearbook? Or any other images to help me out?"
"Oh ya! I think I also have your wedding album," Trish replied.
I smiled cheekily, I felt content on hearing those words from Trish.
"Check the third drawer, by the bed," she replied.
I trudged to the bedroom and opened the drawer. There were several albums there. I picked up the largest one at the bottom; a maroon album decorated with white lace which read:
MARINO HIGH SENIOR BATCH OF 2007
I opened the heavy album to the first page which was a batch photograph. As I examined the faces, I remembered each and everyone of them.
I could see myself at the bottom right corner, a red-cheeked awkward girl whose hand was slung around the familiar blonde, who was laughing brightly. The very sight of the photograph brought a smile to my face. Trish and Dez were both arguing in the other corner of the picture, both angry and cross armed. I looked a lot more child-like but still had that mature glint in my eyes. But,something about my appearance seemed to have changed.
Suddenly, I could see the day before the picture was taken to float through my mind. It was hectic and it all started at SONIC BOOM.
"Guys! We are getting graduated in two days!" I squealed excitedly.
"Yes, but tomorrow is the batch party!" Trish giggled excitedly, while both the boys looked at us strangely, murmuring something like, "Argh girls!"
"So Austin, you excited?" I asked, sounding hopeful. He was definitely not a prompt student.
"Well duh," he said with certainty, "I can't wait to get out of this hellhole called school and live my life."
I shook my head in disapproval, "Austin! That's no way to speak about a place which played a part in shaping your life."
He stared at me in disbelief but solemnly nodded.
He knew that starting an argument with me was like jumping off a cliff willingly, hoping that you could fly...and he learnt that the hard way.
Meanwhile, Trish and Dez were arguing about which pizza to order for our night stay.
"So," I changed the topic, "Time to reveal your universities!"
Dez raised his hand in triumph, "I got into Filming Academy in LA!"
We all smiled and hugged him, "Congrats doof," Trish said smiling.
"Wait, Trish, didn't you apply to LA as well?" I asked cautiously.
She looked down, blushing slightly, "Um yeah, I was accepted into the Institute of Nursing Courses in LA."
"That's awesome!" Austin smiled, "You guys will be together!" he cooed.
"What about you guys, huh?" Trish smirked deviously.
"I'm flying to New York," we said at the same time and then glanced at each other.
"Wait what?" we chorused.
"I got into MUNY," Austin said.
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, "I'll be at LUNY, you know, the very next building! "
"That's awesome!" he smiled that million-dollar smile again.
"OK, guys," Trish said, "I've ordered pizza, till then let's play something."
"Truth or Dare?" Dez asked.
I shook my head vigorously, "No way!"
"Got something to hide, Ally?" Austin smirked.
I sighed in defeat.
"So Trish, Truth or Dare," Austin asked.
"Dare"
"Great! I dare you to post your most embarrassing picture on Tweeter right now," Austin dared.
"Fine," Trish sulked and posted it anyway.
"So, Ally, Truth or Dare," Trish asked.
"Truth," I said almost immediately.
Trish seemed to think for a good one, "Oh, Ally, who was the last person you kissed?"
"Dare," I immediately reverted back.
"OK, I dare you to answer my question."
I sighed in frustration, turning bright red, "Austin," I whispered.
"What?" she asked, not being able to understand what I said.
"Austin alright!" I yelled, looking away. I could feel all three of their gazes on me.
"Wait, backup!" Trish exclaimed, confused, "But, I thought your last kiss was Ethan, you know on Halloween?"
I rolled my eyes,"I would never kiss a stuck-up snob like him!"
"Oh, so you'd kiss Austin?" she asked clearly annoyed that I didn't tell her.
"Hey!" Austin protested weekly.
"Well, we kissed at your birthday party, last month, it was in the heat of the moment, OK!" I told her. I thought I saw disappointment in his eyes, but I think I imagined that.
She shifted her gaze between Austin and me. It was getting frustrating, so I decided to take it out on the game.
"Dez, what's your choice?"
"Truth," came the reply.
"Who, in this room, is your crush?" I asked, watching Trish's movements intently and just as I expected her hands froze.
I knew I had him trapped. He couldn't tell any of our names except for one.
"Umm," he shifted uncomfortably, "Austin?"
Austin gave him a 'are you serious?' look and he shuddered, "OK fine, I like Trish!" Trish turned to look at him wide-eyed
"Man," Dez muttered, "I hate it when Ally's all fired up."
I laughed without the slightest remorse.
"OK, moving ahead," Dez sighed, "Austin, T or D?"
"Dare"
Dez giggled mockingly, before saying, "Type an 'I love you' text to your crush."
Austin's eyes widened, before his shy smile turned into a smirk.
My heart clenched as I saw him pull out his phone and started texting.
I looked over at Trish and Dez whose gazes remained fixed on my phone.
"Did you sent it yet?" Dez asked, impatiently.
"Nope, it will get saved in drafts," he said shrugging casually.
"Huh?" Dez asked wide-eyed, while Trish whacked him in the head.
I laughed silently, "You just got 'Moon'ed." It was just like Austin to find a loophole, even in a dare. Dez never said the text must be sent.
At this, the pizza had arrived and Trish and Dez started out a new argument about- umm- I really don't remember, guess I tuned them out,as always.
"So what's the plan for your career, Aus?" I asked, as we ate pizza.
"Well, it started out well, two years ago," he said.
"No, I'm asking if you are taking a break from it for the next two years?"
"Yes, that's what I meant. Right now, I have three albums out, all written with you," he paused for a moment, "But, I can't rely on you forever, right? So I'm attending MUNY in hopes of learning to write a song as good as yours."
I smiled at him, forcefully. It seemed like that statement had a lot of underlying implications. It's like he has given up hope on his career with me as a partner. This was followed by silence. The only sounds in the room were that of Trish whacking Dez on his head.
While they were arguing, Austin caught my eye, "Al, since we are both headed to NYC, can't we share an apartment there or something?"
I looked at him wide-eyed.
"It's OK if you find it weird and all," he rambled on, "I mean, we are best friends and all and-" I tuned him out and began to think.
An opportunity to see him everyday? Huh- no way am I letting that go!
As I looked at him, I realized that he had stopped mid-sentence, staring at me.
"Did I say that out loud?" I asked. He nodded and I blushed a deep scarlet.
"So, is that a yes?" he asked laughing at my flushed state.
I shoved his shoulder and grumbled, "Shut up!"
"You know what I always wanted?" he asked.
I raised an eyebrow, gesturing to him to continue.
"I want to go to Venice once more before we go off to college. You know, you, me, Dez and-"
He was interrupted yet again by yours truly with a loud squeal and a loud, "YES!"
Trish and Dez stared at me, breaking their argument.
"Oh my God! Finally!" Trish exclaimed, grinning widely.
I looked at her confused.
"Didn't you guys confess your undying love for each other?" Dez asked with a lot of hand gestures, one of a free bird? HUH? Yes, it's Dez!
But, hearing his question, I blushed deeply yet again, unable to get another word out.
Looking over at Austin, I realized that his expression mirrored mine and he looked away.
"Seriously?" Trish asked, "Still no?"
I shook my head. "We're just friends," Austin answered, still not looking at me. This statement made my heart sink. Friends? That's all we were...
"When will you realize that you both are meant to be?" Dez asked.
I got frustrated at Austin's statement. I mean I was in love with someone who considers us just friends, ya right! It was frustrating, alright!
And frustrated Ally is baddy baddy Ally.
"We will, when you both stop arguing like an old married couple and kiss already," I fired back, smirking. And Austin chuckled beside me.
This was followed by silence as the two avoided eye contact and blushing.
This awkwardness was broken by Dez exclaiming, "Let's see who can stuff more pizza into their mouths!"
The rest of the day was all about us planning for the next day of the photograph.
I smiled at that memory. It was so cute! The way that teen girl would try to control her crush and argue back at anything and everything.
I continued to flip through the pages, observing each child in their individual photos and started to recall each of them.
The first happened to be of the brown-haired boy in Austin's bullying committee - Elliot Albert - the guy kept tripping me in the hallway, after Austin joined us. He bullied me so much that one day I snapped. What did I do? Cried and cried? No, I punched him square in the face and dragged him across the empty corridor, by his hair before looking him in the eye and whispering, "One more word and you are toast!" The self defence classes I took during summer holidays were finally put to use. Did I get suspended? Nope, it was a clean release due to absence of witnesses and my amazing school reputation!
The other ones under the A surnames were Miles Arelton, Frank Atkins, Simone Avery, Thomas Augustus and Wanda Awonis.
I didn't know much about them, except casual waves in the corridor and group projects we had.
Under B, the only familiar one was Kimmy Beaureguard, the peppiest girl, I had ever met. There's never a time I saw that girl cry. I remember, when her date ditched her during Prom because of chicken pox and she happily announced it on stage saying something like, "I'm Kimmy, your prom chair woman! I hope you're all enjoying tonight! I'm not. My date has chickenpox," in the most cheerful tone possible. She is one of the girls, I truly admired.
There was this other girl, Brandy Braxton, who I remembered to have been our school's troublemaker.
C, E and F held no familiar people. Truthfully, I knew everyone in our batch. I wasn't outgoing, but I was friendly to all. The ones, who I found familiar were either those I talked to or liked or those who I hated with a burning passion. D, of course, had yours truly, but eighteen year old-me thought that it would be great to apply a layer of powder on my already pale skin, making me look like a ghost!
Even Trish was categorised under D.
Under G was Brooke Greene, probably the girl with the biggest Austin obsession ever. She even managed to collect some of his toe nails to keep as souvenirs.
H had a list of familiar people. Dallas Hamilton - the tan buff bully of the popular clique. The jerk, who forced Austin to join him and later even humiliated him in front of the whole school by spilling his personal life out on the school radio as revenge for backing out.
He was the one person, I truly despised. We did get back at him though. It was Trish's doing. She was our revenge planner after all. But, let just say, he got suspended for everything he did, before graduation.
Then, there's Cassidy Hornville, the most popular girl in school. She was the head cheerleader, but not the cliche rude kind. She belonged to a rich family, but still insisted on working to earn by herself. One dignified young woman!
Then there was Piper and Carrie Hyden- they were twins who were crushed on by Austin and Dez respectively for about a year. It was one heartbreaking period for Trish and I.
Also, Sun Hee Hymie, a Korean girl.
The list continued on, as I read and recalled more and more people.
Trent Jackson - an awesome dancer but one of the meanest guys in the batch. He was one of those tough exterior guys, but I was one of the very few people who he actually talked to.
Ethan Lavosier - a boy of French descent, who I dated for about a year, before his family moved. He was just as corny and lame as I was. But, before we split, we agreed to stay good friends. And thinking back, we were so alike that we repelled, literally!
Chuck McCoy-the weird cowboy guys, who constantly flirted with Trish,
Austin Moon - who grew up to be the love of my life (Man, that smile will make me swoon over him all over again!),
Margo Norman - a girl who cyber stalked and badmouthed Trish,
Mindy Pete - the girl who headed the food department in the canteen,
Ridley Rodgers - a shy girl who had stage fright like I used to have (She was one of those people who looked up at me, I have no idea why),
Kira Starr - daughter of Jimmy Starr (Austin's record label owner) who turned out to be my best friend,
Tilly Thompson - one of my supposed enemies, (due to a grudge in Kindergarten-don't even ask) who bullied me a lot,
Jace Vance - Trish's first real boyfriend and
Gavin Young - a guy who Austin constantly got into fights with.
Then there's Dez, who, being Dez, thought the photoshoot had to be colourful and came in with his rainbow suspenders.
The next many pages were filled with titles.
Dez won MOST COLOURFUL PERSONALITY and WEIRDEST PERSON.
Trish won MOST OUTSPOKEN PERSONALITY, SCARIEST EYES, LOUDEST YELL, 'Don't Mess with ME' and some 6 more. Although, I have a feeling she voted for herself some seventy times to win MOST DEDICATED WORKER!
I won MOST FRIENDLY, MOST LIKELY TO BE PRESIDENT and BITTERSWEET SPIRIT.
Austin? Well, let's just say he had a whole page under his name, mostly from Brooke. Some like CHARMING SMILE, AMAZING VOICE, MOST LIKABLE….Blah blah blah!
And guess who got voted MOST LIKELY TO GET MARRIED? Trish and Dez!
And the MOST OBLIVIOUS COUPLE? Yep, Austin and I…
The Yearbook brought a whole lot of memories. I could clearly remember Graduation Day. I remember how excited I was and how Austin performed a song called 'Jump back,kiss yourself' and how Trish redesigned her graduation gown to fit her animal print forte and how Dez did something Dez-like and I practiced my speech at least a fifty times…
One of the best days ever.
Once the yearbook was done, I saw Trish standing in the doorway, observing me. "You were one amazing girl...you still are!"
I smiled at her and pulled out the next album - my wedding album.
As I flipped through the pages, I started to recall everything, the amazing dresses, the wonderful venue, the beautiful promises, the heartfelt kisses and the sad goodbyes. Oo don't forget the food! There were pickles in everything, thanks to Trish. Best wedding planner ever!
The rest of the day went by with me going through all the albums and smiling at the beautiful memories that came along with each picture.
Once I was done with them, I went to the hall to find Trish sprawled across the couch, snoring with CHEETAH BEAT playing on TV.
I shook her awake, "Where is your wedding album?"
"Couldn't you have asked in the morning?" she grumbled and then sat up, rubbing her eyes.
"Ours is back at Miami," she stated clearly still annoyed.
I wanted to tell her something that was still on my mind. But, realizing that she's already doing so much for me, I kept my mouth shut.
Sensing my hesitation, she patted a place next to her on the couch.
"Tell me whatever you are thinking," Trish pursuaded.
"Trish," I called, looking down, "I really want to meet everyone - Austin, my brother, our old classmates and everyone back home. I still have a lot of questions on my mind and-"
"Girl, look at me," she said sweetly. My eyes met hers.
"I can't promise you anything. I will answer some of your questions tomorrow," Trish said, "But, I spoke to Dez today, while you were admiring the pictures and he somehow found the location of your brother."
I could feel a smile form on my lips, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I yelled in excitement.
"So," she smiled, "When should we go?"
"As soon as possible," I said immediately, "Tomorrow?"
She furrowed her eyebrows in concentration, "I'm not sure if there would be any flights but let's see."
Even though there was uncertainty in her voice, the statement seemed to ignite a sense of hope in me.
That's how we spent the rest of the day, searching for flights to Houston,Texas from New York City. After waiting all night, Trish managed to book two tickets for the afternoon 2:30 flights to Texas.
I couldn't be more grateful to Trish. She was an amazing friend. She knows me like the back of her hand and she's been there for me through thick and thin. Same with Dez. But as time goes by, I feel like I can understand Trish better, like I can read her actions and right now, my gut is telling me that she knows something about me, something big that she is trying to hide, in hopes that I would recall. I don't know how much longer it will take to recall everything, but I hope it is soon.
And that is how I fell asleep; consumed by my thoughts…