"H-h-how do you l-l-lose a b-b-ba - a kid!?" Porky said, incredulously.
Bugs flapped his arms. "Oi didn't do it deliberately, Porkster! He was next to me an' den he wasn't!"
"Y-y-you shouldn't have t-t-taken your eyes of him! You know w-what o-our lot are l-like!"
"Can you two stop arguing and think?" Petunia snapped from the armchair. "Who would want to kidnap Elmer?"
"Anyone who has a grudge against me." Bugs said, immediately.
"Well, that narrowsth it down to about 500 people." Daffy snarked, drawing circles on the table.
Bugs threw him a glare, but didn't contradict him.
"W-well, we c-can narrow it d-down f-fu-fur - a bit. A-a lot o-of toon can't tell when an adult gets turned into a k-kid. If someone wanted to specifically kidnap Elmer then...ah. I s-suppose that d-doesn't help, does it?"
"It'd be helpful if we had some clues or something." Petunia commented.
Just then there was a piece of paper shoved in through the open window. They all looked at it, then Daffy looked upwards and announced. "I want a million dollars!"
Nothing happened.
While Bugs snatched the paper up and read it, the screwy duck shrugged and looked at the readers. "It wasth worth a shot."
"Rocky and Mugsy have got Elmer and they want us to give them a hundred thousand dollars in cash or he gets it!" Bugs said, in horror.
"How do you know that?" Daffy asked.
To which Bugs turned round and showed him the A4 piece of paper which had a picture of Mugsy beaming while holding baby Elmer and the words Bugs had just said two lines above underneath it.
"That'd do it." Daffy agreed.
Bugs scrunched the paper up and said, dramatically. "We've got to get to Rocky and Mugsy's Top-Secret Gangsta Hideout right now!" With that he reached up and pulled down a backdrop of Rocky and Mugsy's hideout. "It saves time." He explained.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[Inside Rocky and Mugsy's hideout.]
"Mugsy." Rocky said, dangerously. "Will you. Shut that. Kid up."
"I'm sorry, Boss." Mugsy whined, as he jiggled Elmer up and down in his arms. "He won't shut up! I think he wants his mommy!"
"We're Toons ya duncehead! He doesn't have a mommy! Just gag him or something!"
Before Mugsy could follow through on his boss's orders though, there was an explosion which rattled the whole building and the front door blew of it's hinges.
Bugs and Daffy stepped through the smoke into the room, Bugs with his hands on his hips looking ready to kill. "Oi t'ink-" He began, eyes icy cold. "You've got someone you'd like ta give back ta me?"
Rocky walked over to Bugs and looked straight at his chest. He drew in his cigar and then blew out again into the taller Toons chests. "Dat depends. You got da money?"
"Soire." Bugs said agreeably. "Right here. Daffy, would ja do the honours?"
Daffy reached into his hammerspace and took out a suitcase. "It'sth all in there. Now give us Elmer."
"Hold on. I want. To check." And Rocky opened the suitcase to be greeted with a LOT of dynamite.
"Son of a-" He began, realising he'd been had.
Bugs reached forward and pulled his hat down over his face. "Ah, ah, none of dat, t'ank you! Dis is a K rated fanfic!"
The reason Bugs was so confident that he had the time to make silly comments, was because he knew that while he was doing that Daffy was darting forward and grabbing Elmer out of Mugsy's grasp. To be fair the big man didn't put up much resistance, he seemed glad to have the screaming child out his hands.
The two of them had two seconds to leg it out to the street, which they did. As the building exploded behind them they stood, panting, on the sidewalk and looked back at the building.
"That!" Daffy gasped. "Wasth a closth one!"
Once the sound of the building exploding and debris crashing had stopped the only sound that remained was the shallow breathing of both Bugs and Daffy and the hysterical crying of Elmer.
Bugs was hugging him and trying to calm him down, but it didn't seem to be working, so Daffy took him out the rabbits arm and started humming there theme song. After about thirty seconds Elmer's crying quietened considerably and, after a few more seconds, he fell asleep.
Bugs smiled at him fondly, then sighed. "He's gonna hate hearin' about dis." He said. "Fuddsey hates showin' weakness."
"What are you talking about? He cries all the time." Daffy said, dismissively.
"Yeah, but dis is different. Here...give him to me. Oi'll take him home. Da 24 hours are nearly up anyway."
Daffy's eyes bulged out and he checked his watch. "What, already!? It's only been five chapters!"
Shaking his head fondly, Bugs said goodbye to Daffy and left for home.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[A short time later.]
Elmer felt dizzy. Vewy, vewy dizzy. Groaning slightly he tried to sit up and was hit with a wave of nausea.
"Don't sit up." He heard Bugs's voice say, gently. "Just lie dere a few minutes till da world stops spinnin'."
The hunter followed the rabbits advice and, after what felt like an age, felt well enough to try and sit up again. He made a gasping noise and held his hand out. Bugs - understanding him perfectly - pressed a bottle of water into his hand and Elmer drank it thankfully.
"...What happened?" He asked, once he'd finished.
"Eh...whaddya remember? Didja have any weird dreams?"
"Weww, yes..." And Elmer detailed this weird dream he'd had when he'd been turned into a baby and was kidnapped by Rocky and Mugsy.
Bugs sighed. "Yeah...dat wasn't a dream. Hazel's been messing around wit' potions again."
Elmer massaged his forehead. "...She said something about it being for the plot?"
"Yeah, dis plot. Dat de authors writing. Oi don't tink WB are gonna be hiring her anytime soon, let's just say-"
Elmer sighed and lay back down. "I'm tiwed." He complained. "Is this fanfiction going on for much longer? I want to sweep."
"Oi t'ink it ends just about now." Bugs said, as he jumped up and started turning lights off and drawing the curtains across. "Ya want me to leave or stay?"
To which Elmer held an arm out.
"That answers that then." Bugs said, smiling.
And with that the scene irised out.