Author's Note:

Thanks to everyone who pointed out a mistake I made last chapter and thanks to Blue Phantasm for an idea I used this chapter.

SO! Why was this chapter so late?

1. School, an AP test, a final, and a huge project plus presentation.

2. Me being an idiot, don't go too fast when attempting a donut. A lot of time was spent dealing with my car.

3. Work, had to pick up extra hours to pay for car repairs.

4. The day I was going to write this chapter I hung out with some friends. Gave my friend my phone to put in the directions. They put (My hometown) into google maps and navigated. Well my hometown has the same name as another town in another state. Lots of driving until we all realized the mistake and had to turn back.

5. Even more school because guess what, I've been studying for 2 more AP exams.

So again, sorry for the late chapter. Hope you enjoy! I know most of you who review don't mind the wait but many more are like me and get annoyed when authors take forever.

P.S: I think it's nice when some of you defend me when people get annoyed at me being late but I honestly don't mind. Any review/flame is welcome. Hope this chapter relieves some of you.

Cover Art: Cruz7808

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Review, point out mistakes, and flame!

Chapter 5- A Real Fixer Upper

"Where else would he put them? They don't have a door." Weiss pointed out.

Yang gave her a look, wordlessly asking if she really wanted to know.

"Nevermind." Weiss shook her head.

"A Real Fixer Upper" appeared on the screen with the theme.

"I think Wash is working on the comm tower this episode." Blake gestured to the title.

Fade in, revealing Tucker and Wash working on the comm tower.

Tucker: "I'm just sayin' I feel like somebody should have found us by now."

Washington: "Hm?"

Tucker: "You know, it's like if a plane crashes and disappears that's fine, civilians, whatever."

"Civilians whatever?" Ruby's eyebrows lowered and pulled together as she frowned.

"I would hope that's not the case." Pyrrha commented.

"I doubt it is, at least it's not for us obviously." Weiss scoffed.

"Besides they're technically not real soldiers, they're civilians to everyone else." Yang added.

Washington: "Not sure if I agree with you on that."

Tucker: "But this was a fucking spaceship. That's like national tragedy level important."

"More like space tragedy level important." Jaune commented.

"He makes a good point though, their ship looks even bigger than the Mother of Invention and I doubt that was cheap." Blake pointed out.

Washington: "It was a big ship."

Blake nodded.

Tucker: "And what about GPS? The Galactic Positioning System should have been able to inform Command of our location within seconds of a mayday."

"...That's oddly specific." Weiss raised an eyebrow.

"Tucker is smarter than he acts." Blake hummed.

"Don't we have something like a GPS? ..the Tower positioning system?" Jaune asked.

Weiss nodded, "If anything important- like say a civilian plane crashed, a rescue team will be notified as soon as possible."

Washington: "How... do you know that?"

Tucker: "Uh…"

Cut to inside the spaceship, before the crash.

Blake's eyes narrowed.

Spaceship Operator: "The Galactic Positioning System would be able to inform Command of our location within seconds of a mayday, so even the ship were to crash rescue would be practically immediate. Isn't it that rad?"

Tucker: "Cool, nerd stuff. Hey sperglord, is it just me or is that blonde over there checking me out?"

Spaceship Operator: "Who? The pilot?"

Pyrrha shook her head, Yang began to laugh.

Tucker: "Yeah she's definitely checking me out."

Tucker walks over to the pilot

Spaceship Operator: "Wait! You can't go over there!"

Tucker: "Hey baby, I hear you're a pilot. Think you could pull up on my throttle? Bow chicka bow wow."

Alarms and red lights go off.

Yang and Nora burst out laughing, Ruby giggled.

"I'd crash the ship too if Tucker hit on me." Blake remarked dryly.

Yang laughed again, "Good one."

"So Tucker was the cause of the ship crashing?" Weiss groaned. "Pull up on my throttle? Disgusting."

"It wasn't Caboose after all." Pyrrha chuckled.

"Tucker trying to ship himself with the pilot caused the spaceship to crash." Yang shook her head.

Blake's entire body cringed, "That may be your worst joke yet."

"Was it really that bad?" Yang asked.

Blake and the others nodded.

Cut back to the canyon

Tucker: "I read it in a book?"

Washington: "I don't believe you. (returns to work on the comm tower) Then again, I don't really care."

Tucker: "Phew…"

Washington: "(straightening up again) Hey."

Tucker: "Oh-oh what? Nothing."

"He won't own up to it, even after that horrible joke he made a couple episodes ago." Weiss scoffed.

Yang laughed, "As soon as he finished his pickup line the alarms went off, classic."

Washington: "What happened to my soldering iron?"

Tucker: "Ooh I don't know."

Washington: "Dammit. This would be going so much faster if I didn't have to keep tracking down equipment every five minutes."

"That's why I keep everything organized." Ruby commented.

"Only for Crescent Rose, everything else like schoolwork and clothes is too much effort." Weiss rolled her eyes.

"And I'm not ashamed of it." Ruby smirked.

Tucker: "What, you think the Reds took it?"

Wash cocks a shotgun and imitates Sarge

Washington: "Men, it appears our shitty fortifications aren't meeting my ridiculous standards! Let's steal Washington's tank and fire it at our walls! That'll fix it."

Blake burst out laughing. Her whole body shook as she tried to hold it in but failed. It was contagious and soon the others joined her.

"Blake I don't think I've ever seen you laugh this much." Yang smiled.

Blake held a hand to her side as she continued to chuckle in short bursts. "He makes a good Sarge impersonation."

Nora snickered, "He even pulled a shotgun out."

Ruby giggled too, "He's always done a good Sarge voice, he did it once back in season six."

"But this one was much better." Blake chuckled again, wiping her eye.

"And fire it at our walls, that'll fix it." Jaune repeated with a laugh.

Tucker: "..."

Washington: "Yes, I think the Reds took it."

Tucker: "Man, why are you so wound up all the time?"

"Has Wash ever relaxed?" Jaune asked.

"Maybe for the few moments after he was accepted onto blue team." Blake hummed.

"Before he realized who he had to deal with." Weiss chimed in.

Washington: "Because every second we're here is another second closer to death. Or worse."

Tucker: "What's worse than death?"

Washington: "I don't know. I just thought it sounded dramatic."

Blake chuckled.

"Wash finally admits it." Yang chuckled.

Tucker: "Come on, it's not that bad. I mean, if we were back in Blood Gulch, we'd be doing the exact same shit, you know."

Washington: "There's just something about this place. I can't help but feel like we're being watched."

Tucker: "Oh please. People get that feeling all the time. I had it for years."

"But he was being watched, there was a whole room dedicated to spying on them." Weiss pointed out.

Washington: "But that's because you were being watched! You were monitored by a secret organization for every second of every day."

"I doubt anyone could stand watching them for every second of every day." Weiss commented.

"Only for one to two hours a day." Yang quipped.

Weiss blushed, realizing what she had said. "Oh.. right."

Tucker: "Well, I don't feel like I'm being watched now."

Washington: "Thank you. I feel much more secure."

Blake laughed again, "I wonder if they are being watched."

"By who? Project Freelancer is gone… right?" Ruby asked.

Blake shrugged.

Tucker: "Don't be a dick."

Washington: "Then don't be an idiot."

Tucker: "The fuck is your problem?"

Washington: "My problem is that you're absolutely right. Somebody should've found us by now. Now where the hell is that goddamn soldering iron?"

Cut to Caboose crouched in the dark

Caboose: "Boy you're lucky I came by. What is a little fella like you doin' way out here?"

Something rustles.

Caboose: "Hey... no moving. Have to get you out of here first. Don't worry... we're gonna be best friends."

"...Caboose is really creepy." Ruby noted.

"It is unsettling." Pyrrha agreed. "What could he be doing?"

Cut to the Reds

Simmons: "You're an idiot."

Grif: "Am I Simmons, or am I just a man who's willing to ask the hard questions?"

"An idiot." Weiss answered.

Simmons: "You're definitely an idiot."

Sarge is working on Lopez 2.0 in the background.

Sarge: "You're both idiots. Now keep it down, I'm tryin' to focus."

Nora laughed. Weiss crossed her arms.

Grif: "Terminator, The Matrix, Battlestar Galactica, everything points to robot domination of the human race!"

Ruby paled, Penny would never! Or would she? The mental image of Penny doing the evil maniacal genius hand gesture and laughing popped into her head. Ruby didn't know whether to laugh or be afraid.

"Is Grif forgetting that Lopez and Sheila actually tried to do that?" Weiss asked.

"He's seen it first hand." Blake chuckled.

-Potential Robot Overlord SS-

"Hm that gives me some splendid ideas!" Penny commented.

Winter did a complete 180. "What was that?"

"Nothing Ms. Schnee!"

Simmons: "Well technically some Cylons relied more on synthetic biology and not conventional robotics, but that was only in the series reboot. And you know those are pretty rare."

Grif: "Fine, then Wall-E. It doesn't matter. I just think it's strange that we're not already bowing down to our robot overlords."

Simmons: "I'm a cyborg, you wanna bow down to me?"

"I always forget he's a cyborg." Ruby's eyes widened. "It's still so cool!"

"Eh I'm good enough as I am, don't need any 'improvements'." Yang shrugged.

"A robot arm would be could though." Jaune pondered.

"Or a robot stomach, then I could eat anything!" Nora gasped.

Grif: "Pass."

Simmons: "(robotic voice) Fuck you meatsack, your logic is flawed."

Grif: "You are the biggest fucking nerd. You know that right, I mean you really know that?"

Simmons: "(robotic voice) You must construct additional pylons. Rrr-wrr-rrr."

"Grif and Simmons's friendship is so weird." Nora said as she stared at the screen upside down. Back on the bed and head resting off the edge.

"They're opposites, like Weiss and Ruby." Blake gestured to the two.

"But we're still BFF's!" Ruby grinned.

Weiss shook her head.

Sarge: "Well Optimus Prime's uncle! I think we're in business."

The robot stands up straight

Sarge: "Ladies, I would like to introduce you to the newest addition to Red Team."

Weiss crossed her arms, "They replaced Lopez, ugh."

"Literally, I mean he's brown and everything." Yang pointed out.

Simmons: "Can it, talk?"

Lopez 2.0: "... Hola. [Hello.]"

Yang burst out laughing. "It is Lopez!"

"Lopez would not say hello, he would groan or say that he hates them." Weiss's lips tightened.

"He's like the Church of Red team." Ruby giggled.

"Not this robot." Weiss sighed.

Simmons: "You've got to be kidding!"

Grif: "Oh come on!"

Sarge: "Huh. That is an unfortunate coincidence."

Grif: "Spanish. Why is it fucking Spanish? Why not French, or German, or Sangheili?"

"A language they understand?" Weiss suggested.

Lopez 2.0: "Lo siento. ¿Mi elección de idioma no les complace? Mi configuración de sistema están actualmente configuradas a Español. [I'm sorry. Does my language choice not please you? My system settings are currently set to Spanish.]"

Sarge: "Heh heh, you know, it almost feels like the good ol' days. Just me, a Spanish-speaking robot, and a couple of complete idiots."

Weiss grumbled something under her breath about 'favorite character' and 'bad replacement'.

Simmons: "You're talking about Grif and Donut, right?"

"Donut's not here, he means him too." Blake chuckled.

Grif: "Thanks dickhead."

Sarge: "Lopez Dos-Point-O, it's good to have you aboard."

"Guessing Dos means two." Weiss huffed, "They're not even ashamed of it, they're replacing Lopez with another Lopez."

"Aww cheer up Weiss, Lopez is here isn't he?" Yang asked.

"Would you like to replace Zwei with another corgi named Zwei two?" Weiss asked.

"You're comparing our dog to Lopez?" Ruby frowned.

Weiss huffed again, "Yes."

Lopez 2.0: "Gracias, maestro. Es mi deber-[Thank you, master. It's my duty to-]"

Sarge: "Now get to work, slacker!"

Lopez 2.0: "¿Perdóneme?[Excuse me?]"

Sarge: "Comm tower. Middle of the canyon. Repairo, los rapido."

Grif: "It's Spanish Sarge, not Harry Potter."

"They've said so many things we don't understand." Nora groaned. "Who's Harry Potter?"

Lopez 2.0: "Suena como si usted tiene algún equipo que requiere reparación.¿Es eso correcto?[It sounds as if you have some equipment that's in need of repair. Is that correct?]"

Sarge: "Hm. He's not doing anything."

Grif: "Maybe he's stupid."

Sarge: "Robot! Do you, understand, us? Comprehende?"

Lopez 2.0: "Sí."

Simmons: "Well, he knows what we're saying, so I guess he's just stupid."

"They're stupid for not understanding him." Weiss commented.

"And suddenly you're on Lopez's replacements side." Yang teased.

"I'm not on anyone's side." Weiss explained.

"I wonder if non-native speakers deal with their attitude often." Pyrrha frowned.

"Has to be annoying." Jaune nodded. "But I've never met anyone who can't speak English?"

"Well it's rare, a united language was needed by early peoples to unite against the Grimm." Pyrrha explained.

"But some places, especially in Mistral speak other languages." Ren added.

Ruby groaned, "Dr. Oobleck teaches us all of that, I don't need to learn outside of class."

Lopez 2.0: "Les puedo asegurar. Estoy funcionando a un nivel sobre promedio-[I can assure you I am performing at an above average-"

Sarge: "Uh, poor stupid Lopez Dos-Point-O. Well, let's just take him over to the comm tower."

Grif: "Why? He's a moron."

Sarge: "Yep, but maybe he'll end up being like a Rainman-type moron. We could get him one of those grey suits."

Lopez 2.0: "Haré mi mejor esfuerzo para servirles.[I will do my best to serve you.]"

Simmons: "Hh, what a shame."

The episode ends.

"It's just as good as the Blood Gulch Chronicles." Nora smiled.

"Despite the rocky start with the ret-con. It's good, I like this season's start, it's something new." Blake agreed.