A/N: Hey lovely readers!

Thank you to each and everyone of you who have taken the time to read, follow and review my story. It means a lot to me. :)))

Just a heads up. There's an event in this chapter that involves a hammer. It's meant to be humorous even if it's a bit off for the character. I had a good laugh writing that bit and I hope you find it funny too.

With that being said, let's get back to Edward.

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Chapter 4: Slave to the Heartache

The world is cold. It's empty in my soul. I hate it.

Nothing should be forever, but for a vampire it is and that's the part I hate. Everything is forever for us. From moving to house to house, never really settling down in one place for too long. To being a teenager and going to High School decade after decade. It all lasts forever.

And so will this heartbreak. The hard and fast truth is that I'll always feel this way. Alone, broken and unworthy of anyone's love. It's not fair. I'll never get over it. Never. Never. Never.

There's no way to forget the look on her face the girl that day after school when I went to her house. We were on her back porch sitting on the white plastic chairs with a small patio table between us that had a hammer and a box of nails on it. She had just finished telling me something funny that happened in History class when I said the simple words "Look Bella, we need to talk". I was nervous but trying not to show it and she was totally oblivious.

My mood was ominous. Her's was cherry. I knew that she was feeling happy because I was there. I had been avoiding her for a while, making excuses of why I wasn't around. She never questioned my excuses no matter how lame they were. That day she was very excited to spend time with me when I showed up at her door. I remembered the smile upon her face and hated to crush her spirit but I had. Breaking up had to be done.

I wasn't sure what she thought I was going to say. Her deep chocolate brown eyes were so full of love and trust for me. Love and trust that a monster like me does not deserve from an angel such as her.

Every second I spent with her from the time our relationship began. I had this horrible feeling that if we were to continue our unconventional love story. That one day the monster that lives within me would win the battle that I had been fighting and I can't have that. The way I saw it is that I'd either end up killing or changing her. Both would be unforgivable. Not to mention unfair to her. She doesn't deserve to die and she wouldn't want to become a vampire. I wouldn't want to take away her beautiful humanity to damn her to this half-life. Or worst...have her end up in a casket.

I had stalled, trying to prolong the last precious moments I would ever have with her. I remembered the feeling of her warm hand on mine while I tried to find my voice. For a fraction of a second I selfishly let her hand lingered on mine until I decided it wasn't fair to her. Not waiting to give her the wrong idea, I gently moved her hand, placing it in her lap. That was the first tip for her that something was off.

"Edward, what's wrong?" She had asked. Her eyes were full of questions that I didn't want to answer.

I took a deep breath. Breathing in the evening spring air in Forks. Her fragrance filling up my nostrils in the bittersweet way that I had grown accustomed to.

"I suppose this isn't supposed to be easy." I mumbled under my breath, hoping she wouldn't hear me.

"What?" She asked.

The way she said the word had me second guessing if she somehow might have heard me.

"Bella, I know I sword to love you for the rest of my existence." I had begun, trying so hard to keep my voice even. "But," I hesitated, watching her face fall. "I can't do this any longer. We're no good for each other."

The words I said seemed foreign. They left me feeling empty in an odd way I could not explain.

Seconds of quiet passed between us. She didn't speak or move. At one point it appeared she wasn't even breathing and I wondered if she had heard my words. My lame excuse.

A gust of wind blew. Swirling her delicious fragrance right to me.

She blinked a few times.

I looked at her wondering what was going through her mind. Having extra hearing and not being able to use it on the one person I really needed to was rather frustrating.

"Bella, did you hear me?" I questioned.

"You're breaking up with me?" She was stund.

"It's for the best." I spoke, looking right into her eyes.

"Why?" Was all she asked.

"You're no good for me." I lied. "I can't go on like this any longer. I don't love you like I thought I did but I don't."

The lie was lame. It was the only thing I could come up with to make her see things my way without parting ways on a heated argument.

She sat there as still as could be and so did I. Her breathing became jagged and her eyes moist. I wanted to reach out and take her in my arms and hug her. But I didn't. I knew that wasn't the right response.

"Why are you doing this?" She rubbed her right hand over her forehead.

"I can't keep pretending that we belong together." My lie that I passed off as the truth left me empty inside.

She blinked, tears beginning to run down her cheeks. It crushed me to be the cause of her tears.

"I don't believe that." Her tone was forceful. "You're lying. I know you are."

I narrowed my eyes. "How absurd! You're truly oblivious that you don't wish to see the truth." I spat the words. "I don't love you."

I sounded like a jerk and I intentionally was trying to be. In order for her to believe the lie that I was creating I couldn't play nice. I had to show her the heartless monster I truly am.

"You're lying, Edward. I know you are." She repeated. Her voice broke and tears poured down her cheeks like rain.

I shook my head.

My dead heart broke into two. I watched without a word as the reality of my words sunk deep inside her brain as her face crumbled.

I looked away. Seeing her in distress wasn't easy. But I knew my role. I had to play the role of the jerky teenage boy and play it well. It was the only way I saw her being okay with me leaving.

I stood up from my chair and faced her. "Bella, we're done." There was no emotion in my voice.

"No." She spoke with panic. "You can't. You just can't."

I looked at her sad face. Tears ran down her cheeks that were immediately followed by new ones. I looked into her deep chocolate brown eyes and it was evident that despite all my lies she still wanted me. But why? I couldn't figure it out.

"This needs to happen. We're through." I growled out the words.

Her eyes tightened. "If this is about the paper cut. I forgave you for what happened. We don't have to break up over a clumsy accent."

I put my hand up to stop her. It had everything and nothing to do with what she said. I hated the fact that I was tempted by her blood. That a simple papercut on a page of a book could make me lose my mind and want to kill her. It wasn't right. She needed a normal boyfriend and I wasn't it. From the beginning I had always known that I needed to distance myself from her but wasn't strong enough.

"Look." My tone was hard. I Avoided her question altogether. "You are no good for me. I need you to leave me alone. I want nothing to do with you."

A shocked expression flashed across her face.

She'd never know just how much the lies I webbed together that day to sound like the truth killed me to say it to her. She was very good for me. She made me feel alive in ways I never have before. But she was human and I was not. In all honesty, I was the one that wasn't right for her. However, telling her that would most likely cause an argument because she would be able to protest otherwise.

She wiped her tears away and stood up. I backed up, wanting to put distance between us.

"This is really it?" She questioned in a daze. "We're really through, just like that?"

A lump formed in my throat making it difficult to speak for the moment. I nodded my head.

She grew quite as more tears ran down her cheeks. A pain began to take place in my chest. I knew I needed to find my voice and leave.

"Before I leave and let you go." I began in a monotone. "Can I ask you if we could burn the photos of us and the items I've given you? So there's nothing left of the sham of our love."

Her jaw fell open and she stared at me dumbfounded.

She didn't speak and I needed her to know that I wanted to wipe all traces of my existence from her mind. I should have removed the photos she had of me along with the few gifts she accepted from me in her room without me knowing, but there had been no time beforehand to do so. I hadn't been going to her room recently and I didn't feel right going in when she wasn't home.

"What?" She asked me.

"I need the pictures." I said, keeping my voice even. "I need to make it as though I never existed. And in favor I'll give you back the heart I borrowed and I won't be wasting my time thinking of all the moments you stole from me."

See blinked her eyes rapidly. Her chest heaved but she didn't say a word.

I listened to the musical sound of her heartbeat as I wondered what was going through her mind. Had she even heard me?

I took a deep breath. "Bella," It was heard to say the name of which I belonged, knowing this was the last time I would see her. "After today you'll never hear from me or my family again. It will be like I never existed. That's why I need those pictures."

Her face blanched. "Never existed?" She breathed the words.

"Exactly." I nodded my head.

Her eyes tighten. Anger was clear on her face. Her heart beat faster and the scent of adrenaline tainted her blood.

With movements that were precisely fast and surprisingly coordinated for Bella, her hand reached for the hammer that was on the metal table. She tightly clutched the tool in her hand as her eyes turned hard. Without a word she pulled her arm back as in a motion like she was getting ready to throw a baseball.

Not quite sure what she was doing I stood where I was watching her. Really wishing I had access to her thoughts. Then I could figure out what she was getting ready to do.

"Fine, Edward." She spoke in a fierce tone that I never heard her use before. "I'll give you your fucken pictures back!"

Looking angrier than I ever thought possible her eyes locked with mine. She pulled her arm back, launched it forward and finally released the hammer. Sending it soaring to me.

I stood in stock, unable to move as she unleashed a stream of cuss words at me.

BAMB!

"Shit!" I yelled as the tool meant for pounding nails in walls, connected with my left eye. "Fuck! My eye."

I felt ashamed that I spoke such words that I normally don't say in the presence of women or my parents. The words just slipped without me giving much thought.

The hammer dropped to the porch clattering on the cement. Instinctively my eyes shut and my hands flew up to my face. I covered my eye that was now stinging with my hands and pressed down hard. I was trying to relieve the pain.

During one of our late night talks in her bed before she fell asleep. I had explained to her that even though a vampire's body is indestructible our eyes aren't. They can be hurt just like a human's eye, however an eye wound for us will heal quickly and it's not permanent. When I shared that peace of information with her I never thought that she would use this against me.

"Dammit! You clocked me in the eye!" I kept my hands pressed to my eye that hurt like hell.

"I was aiming for your stupid foot." She said without remorse. "But that's what you get, you bulletproof peace of shit!" She yelled. "You're a liar. I hate you! I'm glad I'll never see you again. Now leave!"

Surprised by the action that was out of character for her, the volume of her voice and the lack of sympathy she bore. I looked at her through my good eye. Getting one last look at her. Her face was an angry shade of red and she had a murderous glare that didn't leave my face. Everything that happened in the last minute was totally out of character for her. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

Without another word I left.

My left eye hurt as I ran to my house. Probably not the wisest idea to break up with her when she was PMSing. By the time I reached the road leading to our house my eye no longer stung but I couldn't say the same for my heart. It was literally breaking, knowing that our last interaction was a heated discussion that oddly turned violet. I felt horrible.

I wonder why Alice didn't warn me about that. I'm sure she saw that coming.

That was the day I began shutting out the world as well as my family. I never told anyone that Bella hit me with a hammer and told me she hated me when I broke up with her. Of course Alice knew what happened but she didn't utter a word. She and I shared the secret that I - a great vampire - had been injured by a fragile human girl.

My sad thoughts of my last moments with her come to an end. I hate that memory with a passion. I can't forget it and I knew she'll never forgive me for the things I said. Which is only right.

I'm a slave to the unbearable heartache. My stupid vampire brain with the photogenic memory is my prison. I need to forget. But there's only one way to do it. If I don't exist then I can't feel the suffering, the discomfort that the girl left on me if I no longer live, if that's what I am doing. Then I can't feel like this.

Death is not something that my kind has lurking around the corner like humans do. I can't perish in a car accident, die from an incurable disease. Or even slit my wrists and that will be the end of me. No. It's more complicated for my kind than that.

Another vampire must rip me apart limb by limb. How I would welcome the shooting pain I imagine I would feel while my arms and head would be ripped right off of me before I'm damned to hell for good. Never to cause pain to anyone again. That would be the best thing for everyone. No one needs me. Everyone would be better off without me.

I am not so naive where I believe that one of my family members would assist in ending my despair. None of them would want to do it even though each is capable of completing the task. Even Though they can clearly see how much suffering I am in, they wouldn't do it. They love me too much to be an accomplice in my much needed suicide. Even Rosaile wouldn't do it and she and I are usually at odds.

To go forth with my plan of suicide I'd have to bord a plane and leave the country. I know just the place. A castle in Italy where Volturi spend their days. Aro, Caius and Marus would end my existence. I have never met them, I've only seen the memories of them in my father's mind from when he lived with them, of how they would gladly end a vampire's existence.

They are ruthless and the leader would behead his victims with an eerie smile. He didn't care about the life he took. He seemed to get pleasure from it and have no remorse. That's exactly the kind of vampire I need for this task.

I have my plan in place. All I need is the energy to carry it out.

A thrill from the thought invokes me. A shiver, cold and sharp shoots up my spine. I shudder at the strange feeling just as the dryer comes to an end. I open my eyes and realise I'm alone in the garage. I'm not sure when my mother left but I bet she's putting clothes away. She'll be back soon enough and turn on the dryer for me.

Suddenly I hear a sound so sad and sharp just outside the garage door. It's a sob from my mother? Why is she crying? Another sob that sounds muffled rings through the house. I recognize the sound. She is crying. But why?

'No. My sweet boy is giving up completely.' Esme thoughts sound very sad. 'How can I prevent him from going to Italy?'

A flash of an image of my father's face crosses her mind. I don't know what she's talking about. But how did she know about my plan to go to Italy? Unless what I was thinking…I accidentally said out loud. Could I have really done that and not have realized it? Is that even possible?

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Poor Edward is in so much anguish. :((((

What did you think about the way that Edward and Bella's breakup went? I hope you found it comical because that's what it was meant to be. :)))

What are your guesses about what Esme will do now, since Edward accidentally spilled his secret plans to go to Italy?

I can't wait to know what you thought about this chapter! I love reading and responding and responding to to all of your reviews. :))))

And please remember: This is just fanfiction done my way. I portray these characters how I want, that may not always reflect on their canon personalities.

Since this story is a bit depressing, I will try to find small events that are a little comical (like the scene with the hammer) to add in.