I looked at the green-haired fairy at the door which had just opened. He greeted us with a certain awkwardness and his eyes sought a landmark to rest on. As my nervousness rose, my professor of witchcraft tapped her oak cane on the soil of her vegetable garden. The old witch's wrinkles crinkled with mischief.
"Helbram is going to accompany you," she said, amused.
"Why?" I replied, panicking at the thought of spending a whole day alone with him. "I don't need to..."
"That's enough [y/n]! His magical abilities and knowledge of medicinal plants will teach you a lot, hopefully humility too..."
I swallowed my saliva with difficulty. The guilt was still eating me way away. If the alcohol had not annihilated my self-control that night, the present situation would not have been so embarrassing. At the memory of that evening, my stomach knotted up.
It only took a moment in my thoughts for the landscape to change. The mist on the plain parted and the first rays of the sun caressed our skins. I wrapped myself further in the fur of my black coat and said:
"As you wish, Professor."
Content with my behaviour, she handed me a list of ingredients which I put in my pocket.
It was settled, I would treat Helbram as a friend, making the past history. Many love affairs were taking place within the university -one night stands, sometimes a week affair, there was nothing to be embarrassed about!
"Is this really what you want, Choco?" asked the green-haired fairy in confusion.
I nodded calmly and although he tried to hide it, his face lit up.
My heart tightened with affection. No, I couldn't... I counted in my head: One, two, three, four, five; then again, matching my breath to the rhythm of the numbers. It was still the only way I could control my emotions.
"Good luck" exclaimed the old witch before disappearing into her cabin, which was probably as old as she was.
Not a drop of rain, not a breath of wind. Silence. Helbram and I were looking at the surrounding nature, which had suddenly become so interesting.
I knew I would have to explain myself today. I was pretty sure he would not understand my reasons though.
I walked over to him and shared the list of herbs to collect. His fingers brushed my hand. I stepped back hesitantly.
"It shouldn't be difficult." He admitted as he sat cross-legged in the air. "These herbs grow easily in the woods."
"I'm not that good at recognizing herbs..." I declared with shame.
"Let's start there, then."
It was quite strange to hear only my footsteps in the damp morning grass. The sound of his wings ruffling the void was barely perceptible.
Soon enough, we entered the nature reserve of oak and chestnut woods. A divine light pierced through the thick branches and illuminated a path scattered with leaves. We walked along it without saying a word. The pure and fresh air of the forest soothed our discomfort and I began to listen to the shrill cry of a bird of prey. In that moment, my fears disappeared.
"You're not going to kidnap me to the fairy realm, are you?" I joked, pointing to a circle of white mushrooms.
He looked at me fondly and then supported his claim with a smile:
"I've thought about it. I have to admit it."
I almost wanted to indulge. When it was just the two of us, away from human civilization, I forgot the hardships that awaited us. Today's society may have tolerated magical beings who dared to venture outside their territory, but it strongly discriminated against humans who shared their beds with these creatures. And that, very few non-humans knew about. I was angry at myself for not only the harm I had done to him, but also for having given in to my impulses. Each puff of wind brought his gentle white rose scent to me while another pushed to him. The touch of his hand on my shoulder startled me.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. There's a plant on the list over there," he pointed out with his chin to a pile of grass hidden behind a wavy-trunked cypress tree.
Despite what I had done to him, he remained so sweet and kind that my guilt intensified. I was already the prey of many rumours because of my affiliation with Diane and the so-called "fairy trio", i.e. Harlequin, Elaine and Helbram. I wasn't sure whether my mind would stand the public disgrace in the long run or not. Ban was still the only exception, although his eccentric nature was not for nothing. He knelt down next to the green herbs that smelled of lemon balm and mint, oblivious to the dirt that touched his black pants. With his index and middle fingers he crushed a leaf and handed me the crushed mixture.
"It smells good, doesn't it? You can recognize this plant by the sharp leaves, like these. To avoid confusing it with other weeds, you have to crush a leaf to squeeze the liquid and smell. Pretty simple, right?!"
My heart skipped a beat. His cheeky look disappeared when he was teaching. Somehow that was hot. Helbram caught my emotions through my eyes and turned his head to the side, all at once bitter.
"I understand that you don't want me..." he began, "but everything in your body language says otherwise. Is there something holding you? Is it your... boyfriend?"
The last word was spoken with such clear jealousy that my words jumped ahead of my thought:
"No, I don't have a boyfriend! "
"You don't? "he exclaimed, suddenly very interested.
Underneath his theatrical gestures and childish borderline reactions, he skillfully camouflaged a sharp mind. I had fallen into his trap unintentionally, and getting out of it was going to be challenging.
"Let's pick some leaves. "I stammered.
"Wait. "
His hand grabbed mine. I almost screamed.
"You can't just pick the leaves; you'll damage the plant. Here."
He placed my finger on the stems in a way that would make me feel the vital pulse of the plant.
"I... I can only feel the stem." I replied, somewhat awkwardly.
"Hm... that must be something humans don't possess then." he reflected a finger on his lips. "Well, you can cut here then!"
He held up small green-brown knots with a few stems growing out of them before advising me further. I listened, attentive, engraving the lines of his face in my memory as if the last time. For a split second, time stopped and the scent of the cypress tree mixed with the smell of damp earth.
"Can I ask you a question?" Helbram interjected.
I eyed him but said nothing. What kind of question did he want to ask me? I feared the worst.
"Why do you have to get herbs for the old woman?"
"Oh that? "I replied with relief." She teaches me magic and in return I provide her with the herbs she needs. "
The feeling of being able to share this secret was so nice. Needless to say, I was lost in long explanations like never before. I had started practicing magic as a child, but very quickly the word "cult" or "crazy" had forced me to keep my practice under wraps. It was only a few months ago that I had met, by chance or fate, the wood witch. Obviously, nobody seemed to know her and I laughed at my last sentence:
"I thought I was really going crazy and imagined her, ah ah! I'm relieved that you can see her as well. It makes me feel less… alone."
He said nothing. He remained very still as his leafy green eyes stared at me. I stopped, caught in a shiver called "survival instinct". Centuries-old slanders or truths taken from legends, fairies could be dangerous.
"You want me to teach you magic?" with an almost deep voice, I had the impression that all he had to do was clap his hands and a contract would appear in the middle of nowhere.
"I... why would you do that?"
"Of course, it would be under the condition that you don't misuse it." His finger pointed to the sky with a suddenly playful look. "You'll be the only one I teach it to."
"Why?" I whispered again.
"Why what?" he blinked as if he didn't understand my question.
A warm wind rushed through the trees and snuck under our clothes. I had a feeling it was the right thing to do but...
"You are not like the other fairies, Helbram."
"I get that a lot..."
He scratched his cheek with the tip of his index finger, slightly ashamed. Seen as an eccentric Harlequin was still the one who supported him the most in his strange quest for human bizarreities.
Under the glowing branches of the supernatural wind, I contemplated this green-haired magical being. Golden-brown spots blurred in the light of his green irises, reminiscent of an enchanted wood. I coughed:
"Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but many times fairies ask for something in return for their knowledge or help. Don't you want something in return?"
I dug my own grave. Yet, after betraying his trust once, accepting his help for free would have been too selfish. Helbram stroked the ground with his finger, and considered. Lulled by the sound of birds, we remained in a comfortable silence. I doubted that his request would be romantic given the previous day's fiasco. No doubt he would rather not venture down that slippery slope again.
"I don't know. I'll think about it." He grumbled.
It was odd but I was almost bummed. I got up and walked down a familiar path. Puzzled, Helbram closed the bag of grass and flew after me. There was a place in these woods that seemed magical. Maybe it was just my imagination, but the way that beech tree reached for the sky seemed almost unreal. Moss coated its thousand-year-old trunk while its roots drew a landscape of random bumps and hollows. Dominant among the trees, he was by far the king of this woods.
The fairy landed and I heard his boots stirring the dead leaves. He gazed at the scene, and I saw a particular emotion welling up in him - though I couldn't recognize it. Perhaps something between awe and fascination.
My lips remained sealed as words would have been excessive. Not so for Helbram. He grabbed my shoulder and gave me a proud little smile.
"I think you've found the perfect place for our training."
His little wink was interrupted by a more serious expression. He stepped back and crossed his arms, directing his gaze to the beech tree wrapped in moss.
"I found what I want in return."
I stiffened, ready to argue if his request went too far.
"Will you be honest with me?"
"What do you mean? "I offered an embarrassed, if not hypocritical, grimace.
"I sense there's something bothering you, and I may not be as good at reading hearts as Elaine, but I'd like to hear about it."
"It would only make you sad..."
"That's for me to decide. You don't have to tell me now. Only when you're ready."
The tension that had built up in my shoulders lessened.
"What do you say?" he asked. "I'm serious."
Having magical training with a fairy was clearly something I didn't want to pass up. But whenever I would reveal the truth, how would he react? Would he find my reasons trivial, shallow? My fears misplaced? The questions raced through my mind so much that the air began to run out.
"Hey, are you okay?" he said, placing his hand on my forearm.
One, two, three, four, five... One, two, three, four, five... One... two... two... two...
"I don't want you to hate me..."I declared breathless. If only I could have passed out in a romantic way on the ground, just like a novel's protagonist. Instead, I was made to endure beneath his watchful gaze. My shame fuelled my anguish, and his arms went around my shoulders. The smell of white roses numbed the pain as his thumb caressed my upper back.
I grabbed his padded cotton shoulders and lay there for a moment breathing into his neck.
The closeness reminded me of that night when alcohol and board games made me forget about the modern world.
"I'm so sorry..." I sighed reminiscently.
I didn't want to let go of him, unsure of the next time I could hold him close.
"Tell me what's bothering you. I'll listen." His almost pleading voice had a colour I didn't recognize. As if a deep hatred had just resurfaced.
"I'm fine, thanks... I... I don't feel ready yet..."
As hesitant as I was, Helbram let go of my shoulders, stroked along my forearms and took my hands in his. A clever excuse to keep the connection even a little longer.
"Your hands are cold." he spoke softly.
"Let's harvest what plants we have left and go back to the cabin."
He nodded and I saw him hurry to collect the rest of the herbs. Upon our return to the cabin, herbs were brewing in two clay cups. We happily approached the fire to enjoy our hot drinks while he tutored me on the plants we had collected. Amidst our conversation, I could feel the witch's soft gaze on us. Something in her was remembering.
As days went by, most of my time, without realizing it, was centered around two things: my studies and Helbram. Harlequin was slowly beginning to plan his life with Diane, as was Elaine with Ban, leaving us pretty much alone.
To avoid being the center of rumors, I had tried to avoid Helbram within the university. If my friendship with Diane had been tolerated up to that point, I doubt it would be with a magical race of the opposite sex. Of course, he didn't take it well, and his efforts paid off because we now studied together and ate together every day.
He had the ability to twist situations to his advantage, each day a little more, to achieve his ends. All too late, I saw myself accepting outings to strange outlets and noted his infatuation to possess all sorts of useless human objects: a shovel, a music record, a multi-coloured sock, an old book used as a box set...
Hidden from everyone's eyes, the training sessions in the woods were our little secret. In this early spring, nature was waking up and my heart beat to the rhythm of a naive melody.
A black ball went through the old dried out trunk and Helbram clapped:
"Bravo! That wasn't so bad, was it? "
His enthusiasm never failed him...
"Why are you making a fuss?" he said, squeezing my cheek gently.
"I didn't want that kind of magic... I wanted to heal plants not destroy them..."
"Be satisfied with what you have. I tell you, I, your teacher, that it's very good."
"Do you think I'll ever be able to do it?" I sat on a thick root belonging to the beech tree and watched him do the same.
"Mmm... hard to say. You're the first human I've taught. We all have different magical abilities, even intra-race. The trick is to recognize your specialty and explore it."
And so he continued to show me the stances he used, the spells and how to visualize magic a little better. Under the stillness of the quivering branches, our training lasted until late in the evening. The more excuses he found to put his hands on mine, the more irresistible the temptation became.
"Don't you want to go for a drink tonight? The pig's tavern is open." he offered, blushing.
"I'd rather not..." I refuted reluctantly.
"I see..." he sighed as he stood up to stretch. "I really don't understand why you're so ashamed to be seen with me..."
"It's not you! It's..."
He turned around and I felt his gaze on me, ready to analyze the slightest movement, the slightest emotion that might point him in the right direction.
"Something else..." I continued.
"I don't understand you." he replied with a sigh.
That night we walked back to our respective apartments. Tonight, Diane would be back later than usual. My phone screen lit up:
"Hi, it's your fairy, I changed my number. Open the door."
A bad feeling settled in my chest. Two sharp knocks on the door made my heart stop. I grabbed my phone and called Helbram's old number, just to be safe.
"Hallo~~? "
Strange how the sound of his voice sounded so close yet so far away.
"Hey...Helbram? Where are you?"
"I'm at home, why? Do you want to come over?"
The knocks on my door intensified. Harder. My breath quickened.
"Hey... is something wrong?" he asked gravely.
I hung up immediately and called the police. Every minute counted. At the mention of my name, the officer grew cold:
"Look, we're not going to send a patrol for a knock on a door, okay? If you didn't meddle so much in the magical world, maybe you wouldn't summon demons to your house."
What a little world a small town can become when you are subject to criticism…
"Please... I'm afraid... I don't know who it is... please..."
"All right, all right... within an hour someone will come."
"Within an hour it will be too late..."
The call abruptly cut off leaving me alone with my worst fears.
All things must come to an end.
The door opened.