On My Own

V. Of Rabbits and Snakes

(The Macon Diaries: Day One)

Awful thing, the heat.

Ciel experienced the heat of English summers, but not like this. Back home, temperatures ranged from uncomfortable humidity to sweltering from the body heat of human cesspools that invaded London's streets for the Season. Ciel despised the smell of piss and shit intensified from the blistering summer heat. But summer in America, in this case, Macon, was on a different level.

Ciel blew a puff of air to keep his bangs from sticking to his forehead and cooled the beads of sweat that trickled from his brow to the tip of his nose. His throat parched from the dehydration. He gulped the bit of moisture in his dry mouth as the lingering taste of sugar and salt on his tongue from the beverage last night was a dream away. (How he missed that Gatorade.) The water in a squishy bottle, cold and running down his throat as he enjoyed the gentle breeze at the Greene Farm, had him long for time to thrust him back under the shady tree. Ciel scoffed at the absurdity of preferring the heat from last night. But for all the hazy sunshine and mugginess back home, he groaned in longing for an English summer. It's better than roasting in Macon.

How do people live like this? Ciel tossed and turned in his bed to find a cold spot. When he settled at the edge of his pillow, he faced the opposite bed where Clementine slept.

Clementine's splayed body tried covering every corner of the mattress as best as her slight form could. Her mop of curly black hair spread all over her pillow with a few strands stuck on her face from the perspiration. Her hat rested on the night table that separated his bed from hers, and a half-empty glass of water rested beside the fabric accessory. How is this not bothering her? He hated to admit that he envied her sleeping, unfazed, in the high temperature.

Ciel rolled over in the window's direction, releasing a deep sigh of frustration from the sweltering weather. The sky was almost devoid of stars from the early dawn. Gray wisps of clouds tinted purple drifted by, free to roam wherever they please (the lucky bastards). The incessant chirping of birds from the wooded area behind the motel replaced the cricket song ready for the day, and along with it the shutting of metal and footsteps scraping on concrete ground. An unintelligible conversation transpired just feet away from the window, following a door closing. A woman with long black hair—Lilly, he recalled—rounded the corner of the RV until she sat on the roof of the vehicle. I guess it's Lilly's turn to keep watch. The curl of his upper lip and scrunched up nose in disgust had Ciel loathe the idea of him forced to play watchman someday. I will notlet thathappen. I'm a child.Isn't that what those fools said?

He sighed, standing from his bed to walk the short distance between his bed and the window. Ciel slid the rest of the ugly green curtains aside, exposing the full view of the lot. It looked different from last night. The silhouettes of the large garbage bins and cars pushed together as makeshift borders showed obvious weaknesses, with a gap here and there that needed addressing if they wanted to stay on the premises for a longer period.

Ciel's eyes panned to the damage done to a small portion of the inn's second-story balcony to his left. The wood's splintered edges by the broken area were jagged that he made a note to steer clear from there.

Carley exited from her room and shut the door behind her. Ciel observed her focus linger at the broken area as Glenn did the night before. She shook her head, then disappeared from view in the staircase's direction.

Soon after, Ciel went straight back to bed, but rather than laying, he sat down with his back reclining against the wooden headrest. The pressure he felt from his eyes had him close them from the exhaustion. He needed to do something about this insufferable hell of the Macon heat before he suffocated on it. Stupid climate.

Drip. Drip. Patter.

The sound of running water had Ciel stir in his sleep, exhaling and groaning from the disturbance. It was not loud, but neither was it silent as the small streamlet pattered against the ceramic sink. Clementine must have woken up. The noise had Ciel shift in his position, finding the will within him to ignore the running water and continue his slumber.

The twitch in his eye had Ciel stir again from the talking outside his window. Of course the adults would be awake. Yet again, Ciel made himself comfortable—or as comfortable as the high temperature would allow him—and continued on as he was, ignoring the collective whispers.

SLAM!

"Good morning!" Ciel heard Duck sing after he barged inside the room. "Oh hey, Clementine!"

"Shh! Ciel's asleep," Clementine said with a hiss, Ciel hearing small feet run across the room.

"But it's light outside."

"Come on, let's go."

"Aww, I was hoping we could play detective or tag. Ciel, wake—"

"Shh! Duck!"

There was a slight spasm in his eye that had Ciel groan and curse the overzealous boy's persistence. Just ignore him, Ciel repeated in his head.

A muffle came from Duck's mouth, followed by an intelligible word and more muffling.

"Ciel… play… on."

"Duck, let's go." Clementine continued to hush Duck.

Ciel grit his teeth behind closed lips. The grinding noise turned to a low grumble, followed by a furrowed brow and eyes wide open. "Will you two shut up so I can sleep!"

Duck and Clementine stared in his direction. Their faces gaped as they stared at his disgruntled face. When she let her hands leave Duck's mouth, both of them shrank back, heads low, glancing at him every other second. They reminded him of scared fawns facing a predator.

"Get out!" Ciel said through gritted teeth. Not taking their chances, the two younger children scampered out the door, closing it behind them. He grumbled strings of curses under his breath as he plopped back on the mattress, wiping the sweat off his face. The silence was short-lived when the door opened. Clementine peeped inside through the crack. Blue eyes narrowed her way as he deadpanned, "What now?"

Clementine took a cautious step when she entered, followed by another. "I forgot my hat," she said just above a whisper as she hastened her pace to the bedside table to his right. Snatching it, she made her way to the door but stopped beneath the doorway. She turned to him. Her cap clung to her chest. "Use a damp cloth soaked in cold water, and rub on your face, neck, wrists, feet and elbows. It helps cool you down for a while. My dad taught me last summer when the lights went out and we didn't have an air conditioner for a week."

Ciel remained quiet for a second or two, but as soon as Clementine took another step, he uttered, "Clementine." The little girl stopped and looked over her shoulder. "I would appreciate the advice next time. I could've slept last night if you said something earlier." He let his eyes squint at her, but relaxed. "Thank you."

Clementine smiled his way before heading out the door and closed it behind her. The sound of her shoes scraping against the ground as she ran off had Ciel get off his bed.

It was dim inside the bathroom, but Ciel could still discern the shape of the sink and the rough cloths folded above the toilet. He soaked a cloth under the frigid water from the running faucet. The heaviness of it had him turn off the water with droplets pattering against the ceramic in rapid succession from the fabric. Ciel ringed the excess water and followed Clementine's instructions, running the damp cloth on his body. He shivered from the contact of cold water on his neck, hating the reminder of when Freckles or Doll (whatever the hell she preferred to be called) sloughed him in frigid water in the dead of winter. When the chill subsided, he ran the cloth on his wrists and feet, taking extra measures in wiping the rest of his body.

"Better," Ciel mumbled, tossing the cloth aside. He walked back into his shared room and plopped back on the bed, limbs sprawled out. The moisture on his body had him relish in the refreshing and cold moisture he needed. The heat exhaustion was heavy on his body and his eyes closed with deep breaths lulling him back to sleep in the horrible weather.

There goes the eye twitch again. His ears perked at the conversation between two familiar male voices. Great, he droned.

"You know what they say about waking a sleeping bear, Lee."

"I'm aware, Kenny. But this is Ciel we're talking about."

"Right. Therefore, take extra precaution."

"Precaution on a thirteen-year-old?"

"Hey. The kid may be a twig, but I'm still sore from that bonk on the head he gave me."

"And I will give you another one if you don't shut up," Ciel yawned while sitting up in his bed. He stared at Lee and Kenny, standing at the edge of the bed. "Well, what is it? I assume you didn't come barging in here for exchanging pleasantries."

"We're gathering in the lot right now. We're planning what to do next," Lee said. "And know your role for the day."

"My role?"

Kenny placed his hands on his hips, snickered for a moment, then said, "Hey, Grumpy. We're all playing a role on surviving this hell we got swept into."

"I would appreciate it if you refrain from calling me that."

"I would if you stop glaring daggers my way. Besides, you napped for four whole hours. It's almost one in the afternoon."

Four hours? His stomach growled, hungry for sustenance that was lacked last night. The half a Milky Way he ate held him over for the night; however, he craved a cup of Darjeeling and basted eggs with thick slices of bacon. Stop it! Ciel chided himself for thinking about food at a time like this. His stomach growled again, but ignored it.

Ciel sat at the edge of his bed, putting on his shoes one at a time. The laces untied were a slap on his face, forgetting Clementine knotted them for him two nights back. He glanced at Lee and Kenny, who remained standing at the foot of the bed, watching his next move like a caged animal in a zoo. Ciel's face burned from the embarrassment, but grateful that the heat did its job of concealing that minor fact. He frowned their way, "Would you two get out of my room? I'll be out there so you would stop pestering me."

Kenny took a step back, his hands raised in mock surrender. He strolled to the door and patted Lee on the shoulder. A huge grin spread across his face that Ciel furrowed his brow. "Teenagers," he uttered. "Good luck with that."

Lee shook his head, but shared a smile of his own. "Thanks for the wise words, Kenny," Lee said, only for Kenny to chuckle as he exited the room. Lee approached Ciel with caution at first, watching the angry teenager's reaction on how close to approach him. He rounded the corner of the bed and folded his arms across his chest. The dark-skinned man's face was neutral, but the way his dark eyes flicked from his face and the untied shoes left Ciel rather unsettled. Ciel arched a brow, wondering what that look Lee gave him was about. "Need help to tie those?"

Ciel stiffened, the laces in his hands slipping. His fingers twitched as he then let go of the laces. Sitting back, Ciel threw a dirty look Lee's way, his face heated from getting caught. "What's that supposed to mean?" He said as he feigned ignorance.

"Clem let it slip."

"Great."

"Kenny overheard us."

Ciel groaned as he fell back on the mattress with his arms spread. He stared at the white ceiling with disinterest, but it was better than nothing. The thought of Kenny using the information against him annoyed Ciel, his eye twitching every other moment. "That bastard is going to use it against me, isn't he?"

"Only when you step out of line." Lee took a seat beside him, keeping a respectful distance away from him. Ciel was persistent in not forgiving the group for the incident at the pharmacy. Well, maybe. But why ruin the fun?

Fingers from his right hand grazed the bumps of the old mark through his soft shirt. Ciel scowled at the nothingness above him, gritting his teeth behind closed lips of others knowing of his brand. He turned to Lee, a glare sent his way. "You know I haven't forgiven you and everyone else about last night, right?"

"I know, I know. No one's blaming you for being on guard right now. But, when you're ready to talk about it, I'm here to listen."

"I don't need your pity." Ciel sat up, his arms folded across his chest. Lee's eyes closed, dragging a long sigh. His companion's body deflated in defeat. And when Lee stared at him, Ciel flinched at the expression. Hooded dark eyes that attempted to bore into his defenses and a tender smile. The kind that his predecessor gave when he was smaller. Compassion wasn't something Ciel experienced the last couple of years, or accustomed.

"I'm not pitying you. Just trying to get to know you and Clem, since I'll be taking care of you both. You two have different needs other than the basics."

"What do you mean?"

"For starters, I have to teach you—a teenager, mind you—how to tie those up," Lee pointed at the blue hi-tops. Lee untied his left shoe and sat back. Turning to Ciel, he said, "Take the laces in your hands and pull tight."

"Huh?"

"Come on, Ciel. Take the laces in your hands and follow along."

"Are you saying I have to tie them myself?"

"That's what I'm saying. Clementine will not keep tying your shoes forever, Ciel. Now, hurry and follow along."

Ciel grumbled under his breath, leaning forward, and grasped the laces in his hands. He mimicked Lee's actions as the man dictated his instructions.

"Damn!" Ciel said as he flung the laces in a tangled mess after his fourth attempt. "I hate these insufferable things!"

"You almost had it," Lee said.

"Don't patronize me, Lee!"

"I'm not. You just have to practice."

"Isn't there another method of tying that won't have the strings tangle?" Ciel scowled at the balled-up mess of his laces. He sighed, picking at the knot of the yellowing fabric until it came loose.

"Well, there's the rabbit ear method that one professor I know taught her kids. But, that's something parents teach to four-year-olds."

"Does it work better than what I'm doing now?"

"Wonders."

"Then get to it."

Ciel watched Lee take hold of his laces, following the same method as before: over, under, pull, and loop. However, rather than wrapping the string to the looped one, Lee curled the other lace and held it parallel to the other. They look like rabbit ears. He watched Lee bring one lace over and the other under, pulling to secure the strings in place. I think I can manage something as simple as that.

Ciel took his shoelaces and followed the same instructions as before, wrapping the other looped lace. With a good tight tug, he looked at his blue hi-tops. He stared at the appalling presentation, but Ciel couldn't help the smug look of his achievement, marveling at the tied strings. I'll do better next time. In the meantime, I can shove this at that idiotKenny'sface.

"Good job, kid! Now, how about we go meet the others, it's been over ten minutes?"

The sense of his accomplished mood deflated at the reminder of upcoming work. Ciel stood from his bed, his hi-tops loose, but not enough to slip off. He walked ahead and said,"Very well. Let's go." Ciel passed by Lee, narrowing his eyes at him. "Don't believe for one second that this puts you in my good graces."

Lee shook his head, all the while smiling. "I wasn't trying to. It was for Clem."

The blinding daylight had Ciel flinch, squinting as his eyes tried to adjust to the outside. A shiver crawled down his neck and spine from the scorching heat that accompanied him since his arrival to this century. Ciel followed Lee to where everyone gathered underneath the shade of the RV's awning. As they got close, Kenny waved at them, making Ciel roll his eyes.

"Took you long enough," Kenny said.

"You know, teenagers. When nature calls, they take a good while," Lee replied.

Ciel glared Lee's way, face heated from both the heat and the embarrassment. A thud echoed when it hit metal. Curious, Ciel rounded the corner of the RV, leaving the adults confabulating about last night, and found Clementine and Duck kicking a ball back and forth.

After kicking the ball past Clementine, hitting the brick wall, Duck ran around like a dog chasing its tail. The young boy cupped his mouth and said, "And the crowd goes wild!" Duck spread his arms wide, mouth wide open as he breathed out the air in his lungs. Ciel found it bizarre. "Duck scores the winning goal for the World Cup!"

Ciel approached Clementine as Duck relished in his imaginary victory. "Did he lose his sanity?" He asked her as she bent down to pick up the ball.

"You're awake!" She said as her face lit up, gracing him with a bright smile as if he were her beacon of hope against the energetic boy. Her face fell when she glanced from his scowl to his shoes and back to his face again.

"I thought I told you not to let anyone know about it."

Clementine pursed her lips. She tried to say something, but stopped herself. The ball in her small arms clutched tight as she gulped with widened eyes. The little girl said stuttering, "Lee came to wake you, so I tried getting here first. He asked me why I was keeping him from coming inside, and it slipped. I didn't mean to. Honest."

"Yes, well, you placed me in quite the predicament with that idiot, Kenny." The look of the man's smirk made Ciel's mouth twitch with disdain.

"Uh-oh."

"Yes, 'uh-oh', for lack of a better word."

"Oh, Ciel, you're up!" Duck jogged the small distance. His grin grew wider than usual, blue eyes sparkling with excitement, and a bounce of his heels much to Ciel's annoyance. A sad Duck was bad, but an overzealous one was worse. "Come on, let's play!"

Ciel rolled his eyes and shook his head at having to deal with Duck. How your parents still putting up with your eagerness is a mystery beyond my comprehension. "It is with my deepest regret, Kenneth, that I must decline your request. Now, if you'll excuse me, the adults require my presence since you two—bestowed with undeserved luck—would have all day doing as you please."

"Um, OK. I guess." Duck turned to Clementine, whispering to her. However, Ciel could still hear him. "What does 'bestowed' mean?"

Clementine shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head and unable to reply. Her eyes looked up at the sky, lips pursed with her right tugged tight. If Ciel could laugh, he would. However, he never laughed out of pure mirth, only at irony. Like that circus lot kidnapping children for the sake of saving a remnant of their yesteryears, which they knew nothing about.

"I think it means to… uh… give something? Like giving a gift. Right?" Clementine asked. Her large brown eyes looked at him, waiting for him to correct her.

Clever girl.Ciel crossed his arms. The corner of his mouth twitched a tad at the young girl's contextual comprehension. If Clementine was as sharp-witted, was it possible she was as precocious as he was? Well, she was his sibling-by-proxy, and that's what she'll be before he moved her in position on his mental chessboard (if he survived). "Yes, that's correct."

They turned toward the grown-ups, with Lee calling one name only. Ciel muttered under his breath when it was his name. "Ciel, we're starting," Lee said as he waved Ciel to come hither.

The mere thought of the upcoming labor had Ciel twitch his nose with disdain. Labor. The very word appalled him, detesting the menial chores, the sweat, and the aches that came from it; however, it was a necessary evil. Ciel huffed, then turned to Duck and Clementine with a sour face. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have matters to tend to with the adults."

His stride was slow, taking his time getting to the group across from him. Ciel studied their faces, discerning who could do his bidding. He panned his eyes left to right. Lee conversed with Carley. The dark-skinned man's upturned eyebrows creased the worry lines on his forehead as if anxious, while the woman continued her hushed words. As Ciel got closer, he heard Katjaa and Kenny reminisce about pleasantries from days before the outbreak. The loudest of the bunch was Larry's coarse voice as he swatted Lilly's hand away, saying he was fine, all the while his daughter shook her head in disapproval.
Where's Doug? The chubby man wasn't visible among the crowd. But when Larry's towering form moved off to the side to distance himself from Lilly, Ciel found Doug alone. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, around the father-daughter duo's argument, distracting himself by watching the clouds above. Not what I had in mind, but I suppose he'll do.

Ciel approached the group, scowling at Kenny when the cheeky grin spread across his face. "Well, now that Grumpy's arrived, guess we'll have him help Larry and Doug with securing the perimeter."

"I don't think my dad's up for it after what happened last night," Lilly frowned at Lee and Kenny. She then glared at Ciel, who glared right back. Her sight returned to Lee as she continued. "It's better if he searched the rooms for supplies left behind."

"I told you I'm fine, Lilly. Jeez, get off my back!" Larry said as he walked away from his daughter, grumbling under his breath about his daughter ripping the dignity from him. He measured Ciel for a moment. The old man squinted his eyes at him, nose scrunched and upper lip curled in a sneer. He let a loud snort and marched past the group. However, Ciel didn't react to the daggers thrown his way. He made a noise close to a snort, a small smirk making its way to his lips. "Besides, you need someone strong, especially being paired up with a scrawny-ass, too weak to lift or push anything heavy, and a tub of lard that's never done a hard day's work."

"Dad!"

"And an old git that will put himself six-feet in the grave from the slightest tantrum," Ciel said, unfazed by Larry's glowering. "I'm leaving. I'm sure you can handle the work."

"Ciel," Lee said with a pleading look. "We need to work together if we're to survive."

"Ah, yes, together." Now's my chance. "Like when you held me—a child—down yesterday? What good fun it was for you lot to work together then." The group flinched at his words, and Ciel couldn't help but relish their shamed faces as he would the rich taste of chocolate. Let's add a dramatic touch.He touched his brand, heated from the sun's intensity above him. His back was to the group, facing the woods across the road. The chuckle that wanted to escape stifled as his shoulder trembled.

"The poor dear," he heard Katjaa say after a few seconds. "He's still traumatized."

"Yeah, guys. I think maybe Ciel should just take it easy for today," Doug said. Ciel heard footsteps walking to his right. "Larry and me should be enough to handle the job." He smirked at Doug's words. Perhaps he is useful.

"Oh, come on!" Larry's voice echoed. Ciel stifled another chuckle with his hand. "The fucking little shit's faking to get out of doing anything."

"Dad, enough." Lilly said, exasperated with the situation. "Ciel's still a kid, and he went through something traumatic. Let's just leave him be." The echo of a "BAH" from Larry had Ciel relish the minor victory against the giant. "Lee?"

"Well, since Kenny, Carley and me are heading to town for supplies, maybe we can have Ciel help Katjaa with searching through the rooms for anything useful."

"Agreed. Ciel, do you mind helping with searching the rooms?" Carley asked as he heard footsteps approaching. Not the outcome I expected, but better than working myself to death outside.

A hand brushed his thin shoulder, squeezing it for comfort. Comfort Ciel didn't need. His lips down-turn from being touched again. He shrugged the hand off of him and nodded in reply to—whom he guessed was Carley—of his light chore for the day. As if I'll do any searching. Then again, this century has its peculiarities.Ciel used his arm and pretended to wipe the tears off his face.

"All right, it's settled then," Kenny said as he approached Ciel and Carley. The mustached-man clapped a hand on Ciel's skinny shoulder, almost toppling him over with the force. "Come on, Carls, Lee, we need to head downtown before the nightfall."

Idiot, Ciel rubbed his impacted shoulder from Kenny's weight, eyes narrowing at his retreating form in the pickup's direction.

The click of the lock unlocking had Ciel turn the knob of the door as it swung open with a creak. It was dark inside as it faced away from the sun's afternoon rays and the curtains drawn closed, but from what little one could see, it mirrored his own room. There were the ugly curtains that covered the window, the drab paintings used for the owner's tasteless décor, and some unknown contraption that was under the window rendered useless. Ciel's nose twitched from the lingering scent of tobacco that was seeped into the walls, forever present and never leaving as its guests would. The curtains he drew open let light filter through, bathing the room in the afternoon sun. As suspected, everything looked the same. However, there was a dark spot on the corner ceiling near the bathroom like black mold. The previous guest left everything behind from the heaping clothing be the bed's corner and tangled sheets.

"Hmm, nothing special here," Ciel mumbled to himself as he started going through the drawers of the dresser. Empty, like the last two rooms. He shut the drawer and then followed the process five more times.

After finding nothing in any of the drawers, aside from a bible, Ciel walked to the wire rack close to the bathroom. There were a few suits hanging on wooden hangers. The quality was of a cheap material that his shorts were worth a thousand times more than the ghastly tailored garments. Nina would roll in her grave if she sees these insipid things. The stitching looks as if manufactured with haste. And it reeks of tobacco. "Hmm, what's this?" Ciel mumbled as he felt an object in the jacket pocket of the gray suit. It was small, black and gray. There was a black screen and under it the word NOKIA printed on it. He flipped it over, finding a small lens embedded in the back that reminded him of a camera, only smaller. As soon as Ciel brought his other hand to hold it, the device vibrated with a tune playing in synchronization. He recoiled back as he yelped when his head hit the wall to the bathroom, dropping the device to the floor as it continued to ring the tune.

When it stopped, Ciel edged the small distance between it with a careful step. He bent down and picked up the device again, sighing in relief when it didn't ring, and inspected it.

"Did you find anything?"

Ciel cursed as his hands fumbled with the device and again dropped on the floor. Clementine was a few feet away, her head tilted to the side, neck stretching to gander at what he dropped. "Have you ever heard of knocking?" He said with a shout, and the scowl on his face softened when he saw her flinch. In a softer tone, he continued as he picked up the item off the floor. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be playing with Duck outside somewhere?"

Clementine exhaled loud, her shoulders sagging. "I got bored," she said as she walked the few feet. "Duck keeps changing the rules when he's losing. I got tired of it. What's that?" She pointed to the device in his hand, which he handed it to her. Her face lit up at the sight of the compact item. "A cellphone!" Her hands then lifted the gray portion up, revealing numbers that were hidden underneath it. Clementine's smile dropped, her brown eyes downcast as she clung to the device.

"What's wrong?"

Clementine's body trembled. She sniffled, and with a shaky voice she said, "I know they're gone."

"Your parents?"

Clementine nodded a reply, but her shoulders betrayed her as they trembled. She exhaled a shaky breath while her hands tightened the hold on the "cell-phone" as she called it. It was a familiar scene for Ciel. He and Lee discussed the night of the outbreak about the death of the young girl's parents—Lee heard the messages left on the answering machine by Clementine's mother. Ciel's lips frowned at the girl's deep breathing to suffocate her cries. His fingers twitched before his hands clenched and unclenched as the faces of his parents' unmoving bodies in that fire played out in his mind. What were their last words?

Clementine was alone in her ordeal, unlike Ciel, who wasn't alone in his cage (for a while). He had a pair of blue eyes that mirrored his own, only they glistened with warmth, just like mother's, and a face identical to his with the delicate features inherited by his mother. Only that person grinned at him, confident and optimistic in that dark place, whereas Ciel trembled in fear of their unknown fate. Sympathy was never in his vocabulary after escaping that hell they thrusted him into. Ciel opened and closed his mouth, attempting to find the right words to say. He wasn't adept at comforting others. The world was cruel, and he continued to face it. It worked for him at the price of becoming cold, though he was still, in some form or fashion, gentle with Lizzie; not because she was a lady or his betrothed, but she was family no matter how indifferent he was toward her. Clementine, though not of his blood, he treated her the same way he did Lizzie. Unlike his betrothed, there was something about her that Ciel couldn't stay angry at her for long. Back at the pharmacy, he was furious at her for disobeying him, but the built-up ire extinguished with just looking of her widened eyes. What wouldyoudo in this situation? The pair of warm blue eyes flashed in his mind.

The fabric of her hat was rough on his quivering hand. Ciel swallowed the lump in his throat, uncertain what to do next. Soft-hearted was not something others knew him for, but remembering what he did for him when frightened, in pain, violated and empty, Ciel inhaled, summoning enough courage to do the unthinkable by himself. Clementine's head rested on his chest and Ciel held her there with stiff arms, uncomfortable of the contact. "Clementine, I'm unversed at this sort of thing, but I'll let you cry on me this once. However, don't expect me to do this again, is that understood?" He said. The girl nodded as she broke in a sob turned wail. The front of his shirt pulled tight in Clementine's hands as she cried while Ciel focused his eyes at the wall, his body rigid as he waited until she finished.

Ciel's nose twitched in disgust at the wet spot on his shirt. He peered at the bed where Clementine's legs were the only thing visible as she was under it, assisting in his search for adequate supplies. After Clementine had cried for who knows how long, she volunteered in the search; a way to preoccupied her mind from the fact that her parents were dead. She is precocious, as expected. Though there were times she was naïve, Clementine displayed a sense of maturity that was rare in children her age, unlike Duck. However, Ciel had to give credit to the boy for his awareness of that shadow.

"I found something!" Clementine said as she sat back with the nightstand's cabinets opened.

He heard her struggle to get whatever was inside it. He walked the distance and found her pulling a box from the cabinet. The muffled rattle of metal from inside had Ciel kneel, helping her with the box. The heaviness from whatever was inside had him grunt when he pulled the box toward him until it hit the edges. Damn, Ciel tugged at the flap of the box, but was unsuccessful. The heat inside was already making him sweatier than he was a while ago, and the contents of the box were making his attempts fruitless.

"Help me tilt it," he said to her, and she complied. Ciel placed his hands under the box with Clementine gripping the top and bottom corner. "On the count of three, I'll lift and you pull it to tilt it. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"All right, ready? One, two, pull." Ciel strained to lift the box, but it was working. The weight made his arms tremble and strain. After a minute, he released the box, unable to maintain the weight as it landed in place with a thud and a rattle. "Darn," he said as he sat back. How did this fit in there? "Let's do this again. Ready?"

"Ready."

It was a corner that proved difficult to get out, and with Ciel's thin frame, the weight was at his limit. Move, damn it! Ciel stopped. A trickle of blood ran down from his nose to his lips, the metallic taste entering him through his parted lips. The strained muscles no longer were sore as his body felt refreshed. He ordered Clementine to move as he gripped the corners, and with a forceful pull, the box came loose, sending Ciel to fall on his ass with the contents inside the box flying overhead. Clementine shrieked as she rolled under the bed to evade the oncoming metal cans. Ciel rolled and dodged the few cans that aimed at his head with one landing inches away from his face. He panted on the rough and dirty carpet, watching the ceiling fan above. The wetness above his lip had him groan at the reminder to wash the blood off before it dried. It happened again. Ciel touched the blood with his fingers, coating the digits in red. Clementine was now above him, her brows upturned, worried.

"Your nose. It's bleeding," she said as she ran toward the bathroom. The water from the faucet rang throughout the room as he saw Clementine return with a wet cloth. "Here." She handed him the cold cloth.

Ciel sat up and took it, muttering a thank you, and dabbed the warm blood before wiping it clean. When finished, the range of bright red and dark spotted the white cloth. He stood up, his muscles sore again after that strength boost. Ciel made a face at the dark red spot on the cloth. It must be the heat. Worse, it's July, according to that obscene calendar in the office. He tossed it in the black trash bin and found Clementine picking up the cans that littered the floor. He grabbed one and turned it over. On the label was a picture of the contents surrounded by images of tomatoes; above that was the image of an older man in a chef's hat. The large words written under the old man read: CHEF BOYARDEE, with the subscript under that said BEEF RAVIOLI IN TOMATO & MEAT SAUCE.

Huh, pasta in a can? How peculiar. I bet it tastes as disgusting as the canned foods back home.However, it's popular with the middle-class. The next can he grabbed was one that claimed it was SPAGHETTI & MEATBALLS. They found the box on its side with the flaps opened, facing a wall. He and Clementine collected the cans and placed them back inside the box. Ciel groaned when he took hold of the flaps, the weight of it stretching taut on his arms. He plodded outside the room with the cans clinking every step in his shaking arms. His eyes squinted at the light in his face. He blinked a few times, alleviating the stinging.

The metal scraping against the pavement shrieked in the space as Ciel noticed Larry and Doug heaving and pushing the large bin into place where a car had blocked the spot. There were two blue metal bins that replaced the entrance closest to the manager's office. Large pieces of wood and held by metal barrels, acting as a makeshift fence across the brick wall of the entrance. Although the changes to the perimeter weren't perfect, it was an improvement. Lilly, still perched on the roof of the RV, leaned forward with Carley's gun resting on her knees. Duck, who was exempt from helping, was nowhere in the vicinity. Ciel had an inkling that the little duckling was with Mother Duck.

As soon as Ciel took another step forward, the tug on his shoe made him lose his balance. Clementine ran around him to keep the box steady in his arms, but it wasn't enough. The act caught Lilly's attention as she placed the gun behind her and climbed down the ladder.

"Easy," Lilly said as she caught him, steadying the box in his arms, which had him find his balance. "Are you all right?" She lifted the heavy box in her arms as if it weighed nothing and set it on the ground.

"Told ya he's a weak little shit," Larry's voice boomed in the area. "Needing help from a woman lifting a box. Ha!"

Lilly shook her head and exhaling a heavy breath. She gave Larry a disapproving look. "Not now, Dad." She cursed under her breath, but looked back at Ciel. "Sorry about him."

"Quite a spritely old chap, don't you agree?" Ciel asked, lips curved in a smirk.

Her eyes softened, and a small smile replaced her frown. "Dad's a bit misanthropic."

"A bit is putting it lightly." Ciel stared at Larry, retreating with disinterest. The older man sauntered to grab a barrel and began rolling it toward the new blockade. "Can't say I blame him."

Lilly's chuckle was soft and half-hearted. Her eyes also glanced at her father across from them. She made a noise in affirmation and nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, I was trying to be respectful of my father. I know he's cantankerous to a fault, but give him time and you'll see he can be a pretty good guy."

"Yes, and I've experienced that ill-temper of his with him calling me a little shit and so forth. Anyway, I believe I've done my duty for the day."

"Oh, yeah. What did you two find?"

"Spaghetti!" Clementine said, grinning from cheek to cheek of their haul.

Lilly kneeled and opened the box. Her eyes widened as she marveled at the cans inside it. She pulled one out and inspected it before staring inside the box. She mumbled and then laughed. "There's enough for a few days if we ration. Hope Lee and the others find more. Nice work."

"Yes, well, I'll be retiring to my room. I believe you can take care of the box." Ciel said as he walked off toward his room.

"Wait." He stopped and looked over his shoulder. Lilly had her arms wrapped around her as a soother. "Look, back at the pharmacy, I want to apologize for my participation. My irrationality got the best of me, and that's no excuse. But know I had no intention of causing you any sort of harm. I just hope you'll forgive me in time, Ciel. With everything gone to shit, we must stick together and hope for the best."

"I'll agree with you on the latter. But never do it again. Is that clear?"

"Got it, kid. Also, if you want my dad to stop calling you scrawny, I can train you in the work-out regiment I learned in the service."

"The service? You were in the military?"

"United States Air Force. My dad's also a military man. We've both seen combat, but nowadays I've been doing the boring stuff like paperwork."

Training, another word that Ciel had a distaste for. Fencing, cricket, and circus performance those were terrible times for him. Anything that involved strenuous activities, like a common laborer, was out of the question. But then he glanced at the box beside Lilly's feet, and how she could lift something he himself had trouble with. He couldn't depend on the spurts of adrenaline that coursed through him when he needed it. Not if he dealt with the nosebleeds that followed soon after. What are those bursts?After a moment, Ciel said to Lilly, "I'll think about it." He continued his walk with Clementine's small feet catching up behind him. As if.

Noises from outside his window stirred him from his brief nap. Blue skies darkened as the setting sun bathed the lot in an orange hue. The once white clouds were light gray with yellows and oranges contouring the edges, and the heat that lingered throughout the day had dropped as a nice cool breeze drifted through the open window. Ciel relished every bit. There was an earthy smell that invaded the stench of tobacco that was forever present in his room, and Ciel welcomed it.

A heat radiated on his right (a surplus of warmth he didn't need). Curly black hair greeted Ciel as its owner's face hid from view. Not again, he groaned as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. It was the second time he found a perfect stranger in his bed (Freckles being the first), and he huffed as he turned from her, scooting away from her warmth. Although he permitted Clementine to cry on him—a rather unpleasant memory—never was there an agreement between them to sleep in the same bed.

The smell of meat and sauce wafted through the open window. Ciel's stomach growled in hunger. "About time," he muttered as he sat up so as not to disturb Clementine. He dragged the blue hi-tops across the carpet as Ciel then put them on one at a time, knotting them in the method Lee taught him. With one last tug of his laces, he marveled at the secured shoes. The smug look on his face lasted for a moment before a loud yawn escaped him as he stretched his sore arms. "Maybe I should take Lilly's offer," he said as he massaged the aching muscle.

The sight of everyone in the group gathered by the RV greeted Ciel when he opened the door. A table was underneath the vehicle's awning with a few members of the group sitting around it, chattering away. A few stacked cans of pasta rested on the surface with other food items strewn across it. Doug was the first to greet him, waving at him. Ciel continued on forward and stepped back when the door of the stationed vehicle shoved open. Kenny stood there, calling to Katjaa over his shoulder. The smell of food emanating from inside, along with a ruckus of plates and…music? It wasn't the type of music he's ever heard as the music from his time were waltzes and operas, as well as shanties from sailors that came home from their journeys. The disembodies voice sang about country roads and something about West Virginia. As the man continued down the metal steps, he spotted Ciel at the foot of the stairs, a tired smile greeting him.

"Hey, glad you could join us," said Kenny with bowls in hand. "Dinner's ready." The man glanced over him, brown eyes scanning the area. His sight fell on Ciel, who covered a yawn with his hand. "Where's Clem?"

"She's asleep," Ciel answered as Duck ran towards the room Clementine and Ciel shared.

"Well, go wake her so she can eat. Poor kid must be starving."

"Duck's already handling that." Ciel pointed at Duck's back by the opened door. The younger boy then bounded back, grinning from ear to ear. Clementine yawned behind him as she wiped the sleep off her eyes and a wobble in her steps.

"OK. Well, here. One for you and Clem." Kenny handed Ciel the steaming bowls, warm to the touch with the aroma of meat satisfying the grumbling that came from his belly.

Ciel stared at the contents of the bowls. The presentation was appalling. Tonight's meal looked like a dog ate a box of tomatoes and dough, purging its sick in the bowl. Still, if it tasted better than that protein bar then who was he to judge.

As soon as Clementine reached him, there was a dryness on her cheeks she attempted to wipe off. Ciel frowned, but let it fall as he handed her the bowl. Clementine smiled at the small pieces of pasta with chunks of balled meat. "I love spaghetti," she said, swirling the noodles in her bowl.

Ciel grimaced in disgust when she took a bite, relishing with a smile of having a warm meal for once. His eyes stared down at the little raviolis covered in a thick tomato sauce, making a noise of tonight's dinner. He shuddered when the fork drew closer to his mouth. Eyes shut tight, the invading fork-full graced his refine palate. The pasta's texture was chewy, while the sauce was acidic. Still, he preferred it over that protein bar he hoped to never see again. Ciel forced himself to swallow the ravioli with his throat's cries of protests of gulping the intrusive bite. When he swallowed the pasta, he groaned at having to continue eating said canned meal.

Dinner conversation concentrated on the supply run. The pharmacy's alarm system was still going off, drawing the undead's attention from other stores. According to Kenny, it seemed they weren't the only ones to use the diversion as a tactic to break into other buildings for needed provisions. Scavengers kicked doors in, windows smashed in for alternative entrances. The unlucky few who went on their dangerous task gave his group the advantage needed to snag more items. Lee continued his tale about close encounters from—what the group now called—walkers as they hit the shops within close range. The next priority was safety, tackling the arms store and hardware store in the morning while the others continue on to secure the lot.

Dessert had come as what Doug called gas station snack cakes. An overkill of sugary sponge cake with an even saccharine cream filling—this coming from someone with a penchant for sweets. It was dry, but still better than the protein bar. Then the conversation treaded on personal areas, which Ciel preferred to stay out of. One invasion of his privacy was enough. Though from their heart-to-heart, he learned a few new things about his group, but nothing useful. No one asked him anything private, but Lee ran with the same story they concocted with Hershel.

After what they would call dinner was over, Lee handed Ciel a blue fabric bag from inside the RV. The man smiled, ruffling Ciel's dark hair as he grumbled and swatted the hand away. He then retired to his room two doors down from the shared room. Curious at to what it contained inside, Ciel entered his room and set the bag on his bed. He slid the small metal that dangled from it as he opened it. Inside were a fresh change of clothes for him and Clementine, as well as products with the name AXE, HEAD & SHOULDERS, L'ORIEL KIDS ORANGE MANGO, SUAVE KIDS and COLGATE KIDS with toothbrushes.I can get rid of that sour taste from that dinner. How everyone enjoyed that garbage is beyond me. There was a note with Lee's name under the message. Ciel read the contents of the note that read:

I scrounged up a few items for you and Clem on our supply run.

Hope the clothes fit you both.

The orange and purple bottles are for Clem; the black and white ones are yours.

I hope you don't mind sharing kids toothpaste for the time being since

I don't want Clem to get an upset stomach if she swallowed the adult toothpaste by accident.

—Lee

"Here, these are yours," he said to Clementine over his shoulder. He unpacked the folded clothes that were separated inside and handed her her own stack, along with the products that were hers.

"Thanks," Clem said as she took her load. She gasped, which caught Ciel's attention. "I have this shampoo back home. How did Lee know?" Her eyes widened, astonished at Lee's form of mind-reading, as she held the bottle. "I go first?"

"Of course. Ladies always go first," Ciel answered as he focused on gathering his own things. When the sound of the bathroom door clicked shut, he unfolded the clothes that Lee brought for him. Three buttonless shirts, another shirt with buttons in a plaid pattern, a hooded jacket. For the bottoms: a pair of shorts, two pairs of trousers that looked distressed. "What the bloody hell went through his head to get me worn-out clothing?" The thought of wearing such atrocities had Ciel shake his head. He'd rather wear the fine clothes he's wearing now, even if they were dirty. Shawn Greene's shoes were one thing, but clothes in disrepair was something he would not tolerate. The strange thing about them, however, was they smell like new, with purchase tags intact. "Don't tell me being a vagabond is the latest in fashion?" He shook his head at the preposterous idea of holes in clothes and sleeveless shirts, but he moved on to the last item. A pack that read BOYS BOXER BRIEFS in different colors. "Is this what they use for undergarments in this century? Odd."

After putting away Lee's horrible fashion choices for him in a drawer, Ciel inspected the products like the Axe items. It small and black, reminding him of the inhaler he kept in the night table's drawer. A hiss that was produced from when he sprayed it had a sort of musty, spicy scent that had him sneeze from the fragrance's strength. The other Axe product was a bottle with blue gel-like liquid and a black label. Though the odor wasn't as strong as the small canister, it reeked of sanitary chemicals. The last was the Head & Shoulders with the words Classic Clean, but when Ciel popped open the bottle with another perfumed product greeting his sensitive nose. However, unlike the last two items, he preferred the subtle scent of this one.

Ciel waddled out the bathroom door with the lit candle in hand. The undergarment felt strange, but they fit. He chose the dark blue shorts with the heavy fabric loose on him, but they stayed on. The sleeveless black shirt he chose was a perfect fit—which would help him keep cool on hot days. With the sun already set, the sudden temperature drop was pleasant tonight that the breeze coming through the window remained muggy. The lingering taste of the toothpaste he used was a strange flavor that he couldn't point out what it was. Better than the sour taste.Ciel blew the flame from the candle and set it on the dresser, ready to head for bed, until he found Clementine lying on his bed, her face lit from a light that emanated from the cellphone he found in his exploration earlier. "You have your own bed, you know," he said as he rounded the corner of his bed and collapsed on the mattress on his back. It's not like the little girl lying beside him was anything new, but he'd rather have the entire space to himself. "What are you doing with that?"

"Playing a game," she said, focused on her task with her thumbs, pressing the number buttons in some sequence. It piqued his interest at the mention of games on the thing.

"A game?"

She nodded. "It's called Snake. My mom used to let me play it on hers. Oh, no." Clementine sighed, her face frustrated at the lit screen. "I died again."

"Give it here." Ciel held his hand out as Clementine gave him the cellphone. The screen was a strange shade of green with the black words GAME OVER in the screen's center. He pressed a button on the phone, bringing the game back to life. As soon as a thick black line slid across the screen and hit the border, it was game over. "What's the aim of the game?"

"You saw the little round dot?"

"Yes."

"You're supposed to guide the snake to eat it. The more of those it eats, the longer it gets. You're supposed to collect as many of them without hitting the wall and yourself."

"I see. Let's try again."

Third time was the charm when a new game begun. After his second failed attempt, Ciel became familiar with the buttons to press to move the so-called snake. The snake veered up, down, left, right, and so forth, getting longer as it ate the black dots. He zigzagged, then straight, then another zigzag until the screen filled with the snake's length like a labyrinth.

At last, the snake hit its inescapable length. The score, black and bold, displayed on the screen: 2668. Ciel let out a loud yawn as he settled the cellphone to his left. He rubbed his eyes from the sting of the light he concentrated on for minutes. The exposure from light he induced from the cellphone clutched in his hand darkened the room. A light snore came from his right. Clementine was asleep, her breathing deep and even. Her dark hair was still wet as he could feel the water droplets on his upper arm. The sweet, citrus-like scent from her shampoo was pleasant. Better than the pungent liquids I had to use. Ciel huffed—he'd been doing it a lot—as he nudged the little girl to wake her. "Clementine. I thought I told you to go to your own bed."

No response.

"You were crying in your sleep before eating, weren't you?"

The crickets outside chirped as a reply with the wind rustling the trees in the dark.

"Fine. I'll let you sleep here for tonight, but don't believe I'll let you get away with it a third time." He settled deep in his pillow, enjoying the cool and muggy breeze. It was still better than earlier. Ciel snorted when Sebastian's stupid face entered his thoughts and what he would say about being in bed with someone that wasn't his betrothed. "Good thing that idiot isn't here." He then went back to the game, hoping to beat his old score.

Author's Note: I wholeheartedly apologize for keeping you waiting so long. This whole pandemic situation has been keeping me away from writing on account of work. I also would like to thank all of you who took the time to read the available chapters, and also write very lovely reviews. It always fills me with such motivation to write a paragraph or a few hundred words a day.

Now, I have been asked this a few times in the review section, and that pertains to whether On My Own will be a stand-alone story or a series.

The answer to that question is: yes! I am writing the entire series in their own story. The titles for the rest of the series are named in my profile if you would like to take the time to check.

The series is all outlined on paper that I keep close, along with my notes, a printed copy of the current chapters so far in case I need more note taking. So, yes, I am ahead with the series, but just not yet written out. Whenever I have time, I'll keep you posted for the next installment in the series.