The base was frantic! Every Guardian and Omega leapt to search for the awol AllSpark. As seven day cycles blended into month cycles, Ultra Magnus busied himself organizing the search across the planet, quadrant by quadrant. Each time his mechs came up empty handed, he would go during his off shift and search it again alone. He felt solely responsible for the mess. It didn't matter that Telanium swore up and down that she'd known her mother was dealing with a lot of stuff - not related to him at all. Or that Red Alert had easily spotted her extreme case of memory echoes - and that she had admitted to the medic what she was experiencing. He felt the overwhelming guilt of not spotting them himself. Not calling for medical the moment Red Alert had whispered for him to. The guilt of rationing the one drug that had kept her sane. He just knew that his continued rejection had been the last straw for the femme.

She was in actuality, a femme who had apparently been hanging onto her mental stability by a thread from the first time she had been activated as an AllSpark. What she had never told anyone, except Telanium, was that those splitting meta aches, double long defragmentation periods and longer recovery times that she dealt with - but Oganesson did not - were because as she sparked a corpse into a new Guardian, she was forced to relive the deceased entire life story - including their death. The horrors she re-lived, left brutal scars on her processors, which took a while to heal. But they never fully went away. They merely faded to the background, as she tried to keep her meta focused on other things to keep it that way.

One of her primary coping strategies, had apparently been to get drunk to forget it all - and tease him incessantly. Ultra Magnus cringed as he drove through yet another already searched sector. If he had understood that it was merely her way of coping with that kind of intense darkness, maybe he could have gotten over his own mental hangups? Maybe they could've actually opened up and talked to each other about the darkness? It was his own darkness that he had never wanted to burden another with. That he had felt no other would understand. Now he saw the truth for what it was. Her optics he had thought were in pain, were in fact haunted. Haunted just as he was. In reality, she would've understood a thousand times over. But just like him, she hid it. The irony of hiding it from all, meant that neither got the help they needed by being able to talk about it to someone who also suffered.

With a sad sigh, he transformed and looked over the devastated landscape of his homeworld. Those final frames of her hologram spoke volumes to him. "You were torn from paradise and happiness - to face this," he said to the wind which howled across the wreckage. "Even that would've been depressing enough. But to relive OUR war, through a thousand different lives, and to face doing that for the rest of your life…" he shook his head sadly, "Even the strongest mech would have been driven mad."

Hearing Seekers overhead, he fought the urge to dart for cover. For those were Guardian thrusters, not Decepticon. Watching their Dark shapes pass overhead, he knew they were headed to the next sector. For the next search to begin. Though there was a deep certainty within him, that the femme would not be found - until she was ready to be found. He had worked closely enough around her, to see that same trait that Megatron had also had. He just prayed that Xenon kept her guard up as she faced this dimension alone. For if mechs like the Mercenaries or possibly even Megatron himself, if he actually still functioned, realized that she was an AllSpark. She would be hunted down and enslaved.

Fortunately, even with the search operations being widespread and out in the open, with even the Omegas searching - they had yet to run across any organized Decepticon activity. There seemed the possibility that Elita One had finally won the war on Cybertron. He considered the irony of that thought. Optimus Prime had lost Cybertron's AllSpark because of that war - and now he, Ultra Magnus, had helped to lose the Guardian's AllSpark because of the dark memories from that same war…

No matter how many times different mechs told him it wasn't his fault - he'd known that they were wrong. If he had not so completely rejected her - she might've been able to keep going. If he had not begun to ration her blue energon in the misguided notion that he was teaching her some control - she might've been able to keep the memory echoes from crashing her meta processor. His guilt forced him to keep searching, no matter how tired he was. His optics scanned the horizon. Looking for any sign of the lost femme. Looking for anywhere that he himself might have fled to in order to get away from it all. Then his optics strayed back up to the night sky. The stars twinkling at him as if to mock his pathetic efforts at searching. As if they too, blamed him for pushing her over the edge into processor lock.

They all prayed that Xenon had actually remained on Cybertron, for a Guardian Seeker such as herself, did have the ability to travel alone in deep space. He looked up at those stars. He had seen that same fear in Chromitron's optics as the mech sent squadrons of Seekers to various planets and systems that were reasonably close by. Space was the one place that the Cybertronians could not currently help with the search, as every space faring vehicle and space bridge had been destroyed in the war.

His thoughts stayed on Chromitron for a moment. He saw the judgement in the mech's optics every time he glanced his way. Even though the Megatron doppelganger was polite and professional during meetings they both attended - he could still feel the tension between them. Chromitron still kept the Guardian nation progressing forwards, even as he frantically searched for his sister. They still had Oganesson, the Cybertronian Matron, to respark cybertronians. They still had all of Xenon's daughters, who would one day produce Guardians, albeit at a far slower and more natural rate than their mother had. All was not lost without her. But a huge hole remained for them all. Her thrusters would never truly be filled.

Feeling the drain of the double shift of searching he was wrapping up, Ultra Magnus transformed. His exhausted chassis heading for the base….

...

"Hey, Ultra Magnus, can we, um, talk private?" Telanium asked as she tapped on his shoulder mount.

Turning around from the search grid screen, the mech looked down at the smaller built Seeker. Without a word, he nodded, and headed towards the security office. He had actually been surprised that he hadn't been demoted from Base Security Chief after the incident. For some reason, Chromitron let him at least keep that. It was honestly, the only thing keeping him going. Sitting down behind his desk, he motioned for the youngster to make herself comfortable across from him. "What can I help you with?" he politely asked.

The youngster shifted a bit, "I overheard Argon discussing standard training for us with Chromitron, and it might help us with finding mom."

Ultra Magnus raised an optic ridge in curiosity. Cybertronians didn't often get to hear the details about how Guardian Seekers, and especially the femmes, were trained. "What is it?"

"Well, don't tell anyone I told a nonGuardian, but um, we are apparently required to go for cycles as ghosts. You know full cloak and stealth mode. Not talking to anyone or anyone knowing we're watching. It's like we don't exist, but yet we watch and learn everything," she explained.

"You think Xenon might have reverted back to this training in order to survive during her processor lock?" Ultra Magnus asked.

She nodded. "It's apparently our most important training period. As with those techniques, we can survive in any new dimension that Primus throws us into - while we collect data and try to come up with a long term strategy for starting a new nation."

Ultra Magnus leaned back in his chair as he thought. "Couldn't another Guardian, like Chromitron, track down a full stealth mode Guardian?"

"Nope. We are ghosts at that point," Telanium twiddled her thumb servos a bit. "I figure mom's meta was overrun by ghosts - so it made sense to her to become like them. To live like them."

"How can we locate her then?" he asked.

She shrugged, "What if we figure out where each of the battles in her hologram were from. Maybe find some of the resparked Cybertronians that were involved in it. Station them there, see if they observe any thruster prints or odd breezes while they are there?"

"You actually have a good meta for tactics," he complimented. "However, that's asking for a lot of resparked mechs to be forced to possibly relive their own horrors." He paused as he considered the idea in all of its entirety. It did make sense that the femme might be haunting those battlefields. Her meta taken over by the very memories of those who died there. Wandering alone and unable to break through the echoes on her own. Echoes that might be able to be broken by a mech who had actually been there. Who she would see in both memories and reality. Certainty of what he needed to do - filled him with a renewed sense of purpose. "No, I know of a resparked mech who was at every single one of those battles."

Her optics brightened up, "If we asked him, think he'd do it?" she asked in an excited tone.

He sighed as he looked into her youthful eagerness. Her raw innocence. Part of him wondered if he was seeing how Xenon had once been - prior to being forced to his devastated world. He'd actually gotten fairly close with the youngster. Part of it was his guilt over being the reason her mother was gone - but the other part of it was that he kind've felt like a mentor to her. Since Xenon's disappearance, the youngling had often sought him out for comfort on her lowest days. When she was done with her shift, if she found him on his, she'd follow him around like a child, watching everything he did and learning. He considered that word 'child'. It had been an alien concept to the Cybertronians before the Guardians showed up, but now seemed almost normal. "You've just asked him, and the answer is yes," he told her.

She leapt into his arms, and snuggled like a daughter spark would. Putting his chin on top of her helm, he stroked a wing as he thought about another femme. Another femme who had desperately wanted to teach him how holding his own sparkling might feel. Had so desperately wanted to chase away her own demons by being drunk in his arms. "I'll do this, until I find her - I promise," he whispered to the youngster.

...

"Chromitron, a moment?" Ultra Magnus asked as he lengthened his stride to catch up to the Powerful Guardian. He felt a sense of true purpose now. He'd made his decision to go into the wastelands. Regardless of if Chromitron allowed him to leave his assignment - or if he would have to resign and leave the Guardian faction. He was leaving…

Stopping, Chromitron turned around. His harsh, judging optics meeting Ultra Magnus's. He'd never voice how he felt the mech was responsible. Investigations and the medic Red Alert's report had clearly identified Xenon's mental breakdown as being the direct result of her activation as AllSpark. Those investigations had shown that the romantic breakup was likely a very small contributing factor. Chromitron was an honorable Guardian, he would officially agree with the report - even though every meter of him blamed Ultra Magnus and desired to beat him to death with his bare hands. Straightening himself, Chromitron ruthlessly pushed that last thought out of his meta. That is what the Megatron of this dimension would do. Chromitron had more honor than that. Without speaking, he nodded for the Autobot to say what he'd come to say.

Ultra Magnus sighed, ever since Xenon had disappeared, he'd seen that look. He very well knew what that expression meant. Honestly, he wouldn't blame her brother if he did beat the oil out of him. In his own view, he actually deserved the blame. "It has come to my attention that Xenon has had extensive experience in ghost mode." He held up a digit before the mech could demand who he'd learned about that Guardian stealth technique from. "I suspect she is ghosting the battlefields from the memory echoes her RAM is locked up in."

Chromitron narrowed his optics, "If she is in ghost mode, there is no Guardian alive that will ever locate her - much less a Cybertronian." He seemed to spit out that last word as a direct insult towards Magnus. Spreading his legs a bit, he crossed his arms.

"As a mech who sees similar echoes, I think she might be attracted to living combatants who match those she sees in the echoes. Living mechs who might just be able to break the echo loop." Ultra Magnus refused to even wince as he admitted to the internal weakness of echoes. Something no warrior ever admitted to having problems with.

Looking so much like his sire, Megatron, the Guardian glared at him. "Just who are these living combatants? Hmmm," he knew exactly who they were, but wanted Ultra Magnus to admit it. "Who may face a processor locked Guardian who is fully armed and in ghost mode? A Guardian who may even re-enact those very memory echoes she is plagued by."

"Myself and Jetfire," Ultra Magnus said in a steady tone. "As Jetfire is now promised to your other AllSpark," he paused for effect, "that leaves me as the expendable mech." He kept his optics steady as he locked them with Chromitron's. "I helped drive her away… It's my responsibility to bring your AllSpark back."

"You understand, that if she does engage you in battle - we will not come to your aid and risk her. If you damage her in any way - upon your return the Omegas may sentence you to banishment ..or worse." Chromitron's tone was full of threat. Full of warning. "When backed into a corner, she can be easily my equal - with far more dirty tricks with which to gain the upper hand. You will likely never see or hear her coming."

Ultra Magnus nodded, his processor made up. "I do not care if I die on this mission. As long as the Autobot race survives. And she… is far more crucial to that survival - than I am. If there is a chance that I might find her location, then at least your forces might be able to track her, if she does kill me."

Chromitron cocked his head as he studied him. "You blame yourself for her departure - as much as I blame you," he stated. Bringing a hand up to his chin, he rubbed it as he thought. "This is not a mission that I would ever order anyone to do, or really even support. But what you do on your own time is not of my concern. You are hereby unassigned from all duties." He turned to continue on his way, "Take as many supplies as you require. Don't come back, without some solid proof on her whereabouts - or HER!"

Watching the mech stride proudly away from him, Ultra Magnus had fully expected the reception to his idea - that he'd given him. It was likely a suicide mission. Whether re-enacting the battles that raged in her active RAM - or going after him in absolute rage due to his rejecting her - she might very well take him out. He sighed as he realized that he actually welcomed the thought of returning to the dead.

Going by the energon stores, he stuffed his cab with the green energon. If he carefully rationed it, he could wander for many dozens of cycles. Feeling the tingle of them in his cab, he briefly wondered at how the cubes seemed more alive than his spark did these days.

He soon found himself at the medical center. Asking for Red Alert by name, he waited patiently for his old comrade to come out. He needed a couple cubes of the blue energon. It was the medicated energon that Xenon seemed to crave. True, she easily powered her systems directly from the light of their star, but that internally produced energon did not give the Guardians the buzz that she so needed to chase away her demons. He hoped that if he saw signs of her beginning to ghost him, that perhaps he could leave shots of the blue energon out for her. Possibly even get her calmed down enough to think rationally.

Red Alert came out with two blue cubes and a confused expression on his face plate. When he saw Ultra Magnus waiting for it, the confusion swiftly changed to deep concern. "You're going out there, aren't you?" he asked the big mech as he handed him the cubes. "We've all heard the rumors that we have a new Security Chief," he paused as his voice broke a bit, "You're not expecting to make it back."

Stuffing the blue cubes in with the green, Ultra Magnus nodded as he put a hand on the medic's shoulder mounts. "I must attempt to right the wrong I did to her," he explained.

Red Alert gave a sad sigh, he more than understood where the mech was coming from. "If you can somehow show her that you are also plagued by the darkness. Explain that it's the reason you've never let anyone close to your spark. Just maybe she won't kill you." Putting an understanding hand on Ultra Magnus's arm, he continued with his advice. "I know this is the first time you've admitted to the echoes to anyone, and I suspect you have silently suffered for eons. Just remember your own struggle, if you are lucky enough to calm her down for rational conversation." He squeezed his arm one last time, "You need to be very cautious out there, my friend."

Ultra Magnus nodded. "Thank you for the advice," he stated in a somber tone. Turning away from the medic, he wondered if it would be the last time they would ever talk.

As he marched towards the main gate, he scanned the complex that was rapidly coming together under Chromitron's command. Vast buildings were almost finished. Soon, all the survivors who had sought refuge under Guardian protection, and all the resparked Cybertronians who were getting a second chance at life - would have their very own living quarters. Another of the many promises the Guardians had made and were now fulfilling. Unlike when he had walked out of the Autobot Headquarters to try and broker peace with Megatron - this time as he left, he knew with certainty that the Autobot race would indeed survive. There was a lightness to his steps as he walked towards possible death this time. A lightness brought on by the knowledge that this time his potential death would make life more secure for his race.

He felt a light hand on his arm, coming out of his thoughts, he stopped and looked down. Telanium looked up at him with tears in her optics. "Um, if you think mom's near you, maybe play these recordings?" she held her hand out to give him a data transfer.

Setting his hand over hers, he accepted the wireless transfer of a fairly decent sized file. "What are they of?" he asked the young femme.

"She shared a lot of her songs with me. Songs that she wrote and secretly recorded. Mostly just for herself. But maybe if she hears them, it will bring her out of her echoes?" the young femme explained with hope in her optics.

"Thank you," Ultra Magnus said as he pulled the young femme into his arms for a final hug. "I believe you are the epitome of everything good within Xenon's sparkfire, all rolled into one Guardian. I now know, she was once just like you." He whispered to her.

She blinked back tears as she snuggled against him. "You promise to come back! Promise me!"

"You know I can't make that promise. You know what a fully trained Guardian is capable of," Ultra Magnus consoled her. "However, I will locate her. I promise you that."

Still trying to hold back her tears, she pulled back from him. Her soft purple optics were full of youthful idolization and adoration as they met his. "I wish you.. Were my.. Father spark," she sniffed.

He caressed her helm as a father would have. "My spark loves you as a daughter," he told her in a soft tone. "I will always love you as a daughter, and think of you. No matter where my spark may be."

Rubbing her helm against his gentle hand, the youngster kept blinking back her tears. "Mom told me something about when she found your head."

Ultra Magnus arched an optic ridge up in curiosity. "What?"

"She said something told her that you would be the one - to make her whole. A premonition or something. Something that science just couldn't explain." Grabbing his hand with hers, she looked up at him with clear honesty in her red orbs. "Maybe somehow you can trigger that emotion in her again. Maybe it's what is needed to break through the pain?"

Hmmm, so the femme chasing him found him to have been far more than a mere infatuation? She had been driven by something she herself couldn't even explain. Thanking the youngster again, they said their final goodbyes. As he started walking the final click to the main gates, Ultra Magnus fell into his thoughts. Xenon had always seemed far too intelligent and knowledgeable to get caught up in a juvenile crush. No, her actual emotional need for his affection obviously went far deeper than that. For her to have actually researched it a bit, meant she had been confused by the depth of it herself. "If only we had actually quit hiding our true selves from both ourselves - and each other," Ultra Magnus muttered under his breath.

He was thankful that he didn't see any other Autobot friends as he finally passed through the main gates. He just couldn't handle anymore goodbyes. Elita One had agreed to a treaty with them. She would ensure that the Autobots were well treated. He did have that satisfaction to give him a sense of accomplishment for his short new life. Transforming to vehicle mode, he slowly made his way towards the first battlefield he'd seen in her hologram.