Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned the rights to 911 or its characters. It all belongs to Fox TV and the show's creators like Brad Falchuk, Ryan Murphy and whoever else.

.

Chapter 5

.

The gray wooden door swung away softly as Eddie pushed it open and stepped through carrying his son's walking canes, already looking over his shoulder with a soft, quiet smile on his face as Buck stepped over the threshold. In his arms was a peacefully sleeping Christopher. It was nearly four in the morning now as the three of them returned to the Diaz home after hours and hours of chaos.

Even as he watched Buck walk into his house with his precious son safe in his arms, Eddie could scarcely believe that just a few hours ago he had believed this very same man to be laying dead and charred in some morgue in Colorado awaiting proper identification. Then Buck had simply shown up at his door, dressed in white like some heavenly body.

" Eddie?" Buck asked quietly shaking Eddie from his thoughts.

" Yeah Buck?" Eddie replied quietly but eagerly.

" I am gonna put Chris in your room, could you just bring my bag please?" Buck whisper talked in an effort to not disturb the sleeping boy in his arms.

" Y-Yeah man I'll bring it, and that's good, he should be with us." Eddie agreed gesturing to Chris while his eyes completely glued to Buck, desperately drinking him in still.

Buck barely stopped himself from jerking in surprise at Eddie's words, definitely not expecting that Eddie actually wanted Buck in his bed for any reason. Buck nodded mutely before he he headed off, feeling Eddie's dark eyes on him the whole way, even after he had turned the corner of the hallway to Eddie's bedroom. Eddie shut the door and locked it before he leaned his back against it and let out a long, shaky breath. The adrenaline and chaos of before was dying down, leaving him feeling like his entire body was turning to lead.

Letting out this little huff of disbelief at his current situation, Eddie looked around until he saw Buck's gray duffel bag where he had left it by the sofa in the living room, most likely after his best friend had rushed in and tended to him after he'd promptly passed out upon seeing him so very much alive. Eddie pushed away from the door and walked over to the bag, picking it up by the strap and then eagerly following in Buck's foot steps down the hall.

As he gently pulled the covers over Christopher and ran a hand through his curls, Buck felt his heart crack at the tiny, content little smile that spread across the little boy's sleeping face at the touch, the room bathed in soft golden light from the table lamp Eddie kept beside his bed. With a crooked smile Buck stood up, remembering how just half an hour ago a full on fight almost broke out amidst the members of the 118.

All over who was going to take Buck home with them.

Buck's own protests that he'd just go back to his own place pointedly fell on deaf ears. Maddie naturally wanted her baby brother to come with her, while Athena and Bobby looked painfully hopeful that he's stay with them. Hen and Karen were more than happy to have Buck with them too.

But one quiet sniffle from Christopher Diaz and it was a done deal, and now here he was. Maddie had been so understanding, hugging him so tightly and tearing up before she had said she'd be at the Diaz house first thing when the sun was up, the others voicing similar promises and he was hugged soundly before he had left with Eddie and Chris. The sound of shuffling feet approaching had Buck turning to the door where Eddie quietly stepped through. Eddie's eyes went to his sleeping son, a loving smile coming to his face before he turned his gaze to Buck. Buck watched, silently stunned as Eddie's expression grew bashful as he held out his duffel bag by the strap.

" Thanks Eds." Buck said quietly as he gazed back at Eddie with a clouded gaze.

Just a week ago if Eddie had looked at him like that, Buck was sure he would have wept with joy for hours and hours on end, he would have felt like he could take on anything the rest of the 118 threw his way. Eddie's gaze in even the smallest way was all he needed. Now though, now he just felt so exposed, so raw beneath those dark, dark eyes. Buck averted his gaze, remembering these same dark eyes so filled with callous resentment and anger, all directed at him day after day after day. Such memories of Eddie's every rejection, every refusal to allow him to see Christopher in person, such hurt could not be so easily wiped away with soft looks now.

Buck gripped the strap of his bag in a white knuckled grip for a moment before he gently set the bag down by the side of the bed and knelt down before it, opening the zipper and rummaging through it. All the while he could feel Eddie's eyes on him, hear him breathing and shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot.

" You gonna take a shower?" Eddie asked softly.

" Yeah, I reek." Buck said as he found a t-shirt. He stilled when a hand came to gently rest over his shoulder. He slowly looked up at Eddie questioningly who was still looking at him like he precious, priceless even.

" Those aren't clean. I can give you a shirt and some sweats." Eddie said with this painfully hopeful look taking over his face.

Part of Buck wanted to refuse, wanted to pull away from Eddie's touch, but instead Buck just nodded mutely in acceptance. Eddie was a little too slow in withdrawing his hand from Buck's shoulder and then he was nearly falling over himself to quietly get to his dresser and pull out the aforementioned items of clothing.

Eddie pulled out a light gray v-neck t-shirt and black sweat pants and then hurried back to Buck, holding the folded items out to him. Buck slowly rose to his feet and reached out to take the clothes. His and Eddie's finger tips brushed together, the both of them gasping softly at the contact. It was like a live-wire going through them both simultaneously.

Licking at his suddenly lips, Buck gave Eddie another nod and then turned to head down the hall to the bathroom when Eddie spoke.

" Buck... Evan I-"He said before falling silent as Buck turned back to his sharply at the use of his first name. At Buck's silent look of askance, Eddie forced himself to speak.

" These last five days... they've been among the worst of mine and Chris' lives. I thought I lost you forever." He said with his voice trembling by the end.

Buck felt his eyes fill as he nodded and then took a deep breath, pushing the tears back as he spoke.

" I know, and I am so sorry you all had to go through that but... I've been right here the whole time Edmundo, the whole time and this is the most you've said or looked at me in months. It... It took all of this happening? All of this?" He asked as he battled to keep his voice down.

Eddie looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up, to just curl up and die right then and there, his mouth working like he wanted to say so much but Buck just couldn't do this right now, he just couldn't. With a small shake of his head, Buck turned and walked away down the hall. Eddie could only stand there and watched Buck's retreating form down the darkened hallway before he ducked into the bathroom and Eddie heard the lock click. Eddie let out a shaky breath, shame and regret crashing over him with tsunami like force.

Buck was right, he had been right here the whole time. Eddie had been so mad at him for "leaving" when it had been him who had left Buck, abandoned him and ripped Chris away from him for good measure. Swallowing painfully, Eddie finally forced himself to turn away and scrounge up the sleeping pants he had been wearing earlier in the night off the floor. He fished out a loose blue tank-top and then quietly stepped out into the hallway to change in the off-chance Chris suddenly woke up. The last thing he wanted to do was be caught unclothed in front of his kid.

Inside Eddie's bathroom, Buck turned on the light and promptly dropped the clothes Eddie gave him on the floor by the sink before he finally toed off his sneakers and socks, his toes actually tingling at the open air hitting them before he reached for the hen of his white long sleeve shirt and pulled it off. It fell forgotten by the door as Buck pulled his jeans and underwear off in one go, kicking them away and leaving himself finally bare. His skin was buzzing like there were a billion ants beneath the surface, his eyes were burning, even his tongue felt heavy in his mouth as Buck made his way over to the bathtub and slid the glass door away to step inside.

A few moments later Buck gasped softly as a cascade of warm water erupted from the shower head and engulfed him. Buck reached for one of the body washes Eddie kept on the wrack and squeezed some into his hand. He lathered it up and stepped back from the spray to rub the soap all over himself. A few moments later he stepped back under the spray and let the water wash the soap, and everything away.

A cleansing of the truly unforgettable and immeasurable day he had experienced.

If salt mixed with the water that swirled down the drain, no one was around to judge.

Ten minutes later Eddie looked up from where he was reclined on his side behind a soundly sleeping Christopher as Buck wordlessly shuffled back into the room carrying the clothed he had been wearing in a neatly folded stack. Eddie felt a powerful wave of emotion was over him at the sight of his clothes on Buck. The black sweatpants were fine if a little high on Buck's ankles, but the gray v-neck was snug on Buck's broader frame, his high collarbones peaking through the shirt's V. Eddie stomped down on the wave of elated possessiveness that washed over him at the sight of the beautiful blue eyed man he loved. Said man had been put through an emotional grinder throughout the night, so all Eddie had in mind to do was give Buck a respite from it all as he reached for the covers and pulled them back in silent invitation.

Buck pursed his lips and then nodded before he leaned down to place his folded clothes on top of his still open duffel bag and then stepped forward and carefully climbed into Eddie's bed, Christopher sandwiched lovingly between them. As Buck laid down, he looked to Eddie when the other man pulled the covers over him and tucked them around him with care. Eddie then twisted around and finally shut off the lamb, dousing the bedroom in darkness, even the blinds fully pulled down over the windows as the skies were just beginning to brighten with slowly coming dawn.

Buck laid still, his heart hammering inside his chest because of all the ways he had expected to spend his first night back in Los Angeles, being in Eddie Diaz's bed had been the farthest thing from his mind. A soft hum from Christopher had Buck shifting closer and gently draping his arm on top of the covers over the precious little boy, exhaustion finally tugging him towards sleep. Even as he was rapidly drifting off, Buck felt surprise pass through him when a heavier arm reached out and wrapped around him in turn. He looked up through half-lidded eyes and saw Eddie laying across from him with his eyes already shut.

Eddie was holding him... Eddie was holding him and they were sharing his bed.

Buck was too tired to do anything but accept the touch, soak up the comfort after so much loneliness. He could feel the skin of his own arm tingle pleasantly where it touched Eddie's. As he was just about to drift away completely, Buck heard it.

Softly whispered words from Eddie.

" I am so sorry Evan, for all of it. I love you so much."

Buck stopped breathing for a moment before he forced himself to stay calm, to pretend he was already fast asleep and didn't hear such life altering words. As he forced himself to relax and go to sleep for real with a hammering heart, Buck found that there was still one thing he was not too exhausted to do.

With fresh tears leaking out of the seams of his closed eyes, Buck found that could still cry just a little bit more.

A few more hours passed, the sun slowly rising and brightening the skies of Los Angeles.

Slightly crusted and itchy blue eyes fluttered open as the restless sleep that clung to them dissipated. With a soft breath, Buck came back into awareness. As he got his bearings Buck's vision cleared to the sight of Christopher and Eddie still fast asleep across from him and everything came rushing back in one fell swoop. Just as quickly Buck slammed the steel door down on every emotion that came roaring back, from the horror to the quietly simmering resentment, to the anguish at hearing Eddie profess his actual love for him while he had though Buck had already fallen asleep. Instead Buck calmed himself by just laying there, drinking in the sight of gorgeous father and precious son in peaceful repose.

Theirs was the peaceful sleep, and Buck understood why, because of his presence, because they and everyone else had thought him dead just yesterday. They had had to cope with a nightmare for five straight days and then he had just shown up back from his vacation, totally oblivious. Again, Buck pushed down his many emotions and with his eyes never leaving Eddie and Christopher he slowly slid out from under Eddie's arm that was still around him, the feel of it burning against his side as he slipped backwards and out of bed with care so as to not wake them.

With a lingering look at Eddie and Christopher, Buck knelt before his duffel back and reached into one of the side pockets, pulling out his toothbrush and then reaching for his phone and putting it in the pocket of the sweats he was wearing before he shuffled off down the hallway to the bathroom. Buck got his morning ablutions done, leaving his toothbrush in the cup next to Eddie's plain blue plastic one and Christopher's smaller dinosaur themed one. With a sigh and a languid stretch of his arms over his head as he walked, Buck left the bathroom and proceeded down the hallway.

He shuffled through the house and into the kitchen, pausing as he looked around the sunlight room. This was the first time he had set foot in Eddie and Christopher's kitchen in three months, having been effectively banished by Eddie. Everything looked relatively the same, more dishes in the sink and more empty beer bottles by the trash can than normal. Buck pursed his lips and took in a deep breath, he was not going to just bawl his eyes out yet again, he was sick of giving in to the burning that seemed to have taken up near permanent residence behind his eyeballs. Instead Buck strode towards the cupboards and began scouting and seeking out the necessary items.

It had been long enough since the last time the three of them had been together, and it was Saturday, which meant pancakes.

Buck had just cracked a couple of eggs into milk he'd already poured into the mixing bowl when he was startled by a loud, unhappy wail from down the hallway. Buck was gone in a flash, his long legs carrying him expeditiously down the hallway and back to Eddie's bedroom where he was greeted by a truly heartbreaking sight.

Christopher was awake and sobbing his little heart out in his equally heartbroken and disoriented looking father's arms.

" Christopher, Eddie?" Buck asked in concern as he rushed to the bed, Eddie and Christopher both looking up and gasping as they stared up at him with wide eyes, actually startled to see him.

" Bucky!" Christopher sobbed and that was all it took for Buck to lung at him and Eddie.

" Oh God Chris, Eddie! I am here, I am here!" He assured as he he wrapped one arm around Christopher and pulled him to his chest while his other arm went around Eddie.

At the moment his lingering anger didn't matter, it didn't take Buck long to realize that upon waking up and seeing that he wasn't there, both Christopher and Eddie in their sleepy disorientation had assumed the worst.

That Buck was actually dead and everything before had been some fever dream.

" I thought you were gone again Bucky!" Chris wept as he clung to Buck hard while Eddie had quickly composed himself, his face turning slightly red from embarrassment as he wordlessly reached up and gripped Buck's forearm.

" I am so sorry I scared you buddy, I just woke up before you guys and I went to the kitchen to make you some pancakes because-"

" Saturday's when we have our pancake parties." Christopher sniffled with a nod against the side of Buck's neck as he began to calm down.

" Y-Yeah Bud, and it's been so long I've been able to come over and make them for you, I missed you so much!" Buck blurted out emotionally before he could stop himself, averting his gaze so that he couldn't see how wrecked Eddie himself looked.

" Please don't cry Chris, I am here. I am right here you guys." Buck said over and over again as he worked to calm his precious little Superman down.

" You didn't have to make breakfast Buck, I am pretty sure everyone is going to come knocking any minute now and bring stuff, like tons of stuff." Eddie said once Chris had finally calmed down and even giggled when Buck tickled him and kissed his cheeks.

The three of them were heading down the hallway so that Chris and Eddie could go to the bathroom and Buck could get back to the kitchen. Buck gave Eddie a look at his words before he deflated and nodded in understanding. With Bobby and Athena alone, they could expect a veritable feast.

" I am still making you pancakes." Buck said with his tone light but leaving know room for argument.

Eddie just gave him a warm smile and nodded before he and Chris ducked into the bathroom. Buck frowned as he felt that familiar war of emotions rise up inside him, both at Eddie's gentleness and almost desperation towards him, and also at the thought of getting to actually taste some of Bobby or Athena's cooking after so many months of exclusion.

Would he taste something delicious or would it all just be ash in his mouth?

Buck refocused his thoughts and got back to making the pancake batter while the pan heated up on the stove. By the time Eddie and Chris shuffled into the kitchen, Buck had set the table for the three of them and was already watching over the first quartet of smaller pancakes meant for Chris, waiting for the bubbles to form on the side of the pancake facing up. Once he got Chris situated in a chair, Eddie's gaze immediately went to Buck who was standing in profile with the sunlight from outside bathing him in golden light as he expertly flipped the pancakes with the spatula in his hand. Even as he admired the man he was secretly in love with, memories of just a few hours ago of the glimpse he had gotten of the deep pain Buck was still harboring towards him had Eddie's heart lurching.

How was he every going to even begin to fix that which was still clearly broken between them. Eddie knew full well that it was Christopher that had Buck coming home with him, not him. Buck was just being gracious towards him when he had every right to never want to speak to him again after the three months of petty bordering on downright cruel behavior Eddie had displayed.

Shame warred with determination, the need to have Buck fully back in his and Christopher's lives sparking a fire in Eddie's very soul.

Buck had just carefully stacked the four small pancakes onto Chris' plate when there was a telltale knock at the door.

" I'll get it." Eddie said, sharing a knowing look with Buck before he trotted off towards the front of the house.

Eddie reached the front door and took a deep, steadying breath before he undid the lock and pulled the door open to reveal a veritable mob of eager people gathered on the other side.

" Morning firefam." Eddie said with a knowing smile before he stepped aside and let everyone in, a beaming Maddie Buckley leading the charge with Bobby Nash and Athena Grant right behind her, Chim, Hen, Karen, Michael, Denny, Harry, May, and finally Carla founding out the group. Many were holding the various Tupperware and trays.

As Eddie shut the door with a small sigh, he thought to himself that Chris would be getting some of Buck's pancakes at least.

Buck stepped out of Eddie's kitchen to see who had come and was immediately beset by a tearful Harry and May Grant.

" I am so happy to see you guys!" Buck exclaimed sincerely as he grinned down at pseudo siblings.

" We're really glad you're okay too Buck." Harry said with a sniffle while May nodded.

" We were all just waiting and waiting for the police to finally call and say they found you." May said quietly, many other faces crumbling a little at the mention of the morbid anticipation they had all gone through for five days, waiting for a positive id to inevitable come through.

" I am so sorry you guys." Buck said as he hugged the Grant-Nash children close with Bobby, Athena, and Michael all watching on with looks of pride and tenderness. Michael and Carla had their reunions next, both hugging Buck hard and also sternly declaring that he was to never AGAIN put his phone in Do Not Disturb Mode, like ever. Bobby, Athena, Hen, Chim, Maddie, Karen, and Eddie all backing them up had Buck solemnly promising before he was once again receiving hug after hug. When Bobby hugged him, a small part of Buck flared red but he quickly stomped it down because now was not the time for such feelings.

Buck wouldn't deny it, he was still hurting, months and months of anger and anguish held back by sheer will an tons of graciousness. Buck set his feelings aside and focused instead on the ambiance of family he had so long been deprived of.

Christopher managed to wolf down one of the perfect pancakes Buck had made for him before he was swept up in the impromptu breakfast party, practically staying glued to Buck's side and adorably feeding him forkfulls of some of the cinnamon rolls Bobby had brought.

Buck's favorite.

Even as he laughed and smiled, Buck felt his heart keening in agony. They were trying to be subtle but Buck could feel the eyes of the 118 on him, Bobby, Chim, Hen, and Eddie were all watching him, drinking him in and hyper-vigilant to his every need and almost falling over to fulfill it. Hell Chim and Eddie almost came to fisticuffs when Buck asked for some coffee.

" Hey Cap?" Buck asked, everyone else falling silent and listening intently as Bobby sat up almost comically fast.

" Yes Buck?" He replied with his eyes zeroed in on the blue eyed young man he had thought he had lost forever.

" Does the house and the Department know that I am not actually dead?" Buck asked, feeling his ears turn red.

" Yes Buck, I called Chief Alonzo as soon as possible and apprised him of the situation. I also called Captain Marsden at the house. Let me tell you Buck, they are all just so happy you are okay." Bobby said with his eyes growing a bit more shiny than was normal.

Buck nodded and ducked his head shyly, conflicting emotions rising up inside him again. Chief Alonzo he could understand, he was a good guy who hated to lose anyone but the rest of the 118? His fellow firefighters who had spent nearly every moment he was among them after returning to duty showing him how much they didn't want him there, following Bobby's lead of excluding him from everything to teach him a lesson. Who just last week sneered at him and called him lawsuit boy and traitor under their breath as he passed by them doing chores before he had gone up to Bobby to discuss his leave. They were happy he was alive and well?

They were happy he was alive? Happy?

Before Buck could dwell on the absurdity of what he had just heard, Bobby was speaking again.

" Hey Buck, Captain Marsden wanted me to ask you if you would like to swing by the station, everyone's gathering there as we speak." Bobby asked with a hopeful look, Athena frowning a little beside him.

Buck mulled it over in his mind a moment before curiosity won out.

" Y-Yeah Bobby, I'm cool with going to the station." Buck said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

About an hour later...

The mid-morning sun shined brightly against a cloudless blue sky, bathing everything in warmth. Down on the streets there was this sort of processional of vehicles heading towards the inner city with Firehouse 118 as their intended destination.

" Are you sure this is a good idea Bobby? This might just overwhelm him completely." Athena asked gravely from where she sat in the passenger seat on Bobby's dark blue Chevy Suburban as they led the way towards the 118.

" Honestly I am not sure about anything. I am just so happy I can barely string a thought together, but I also feel so guilty I just want the ground to swallow me up. I just though that, after everything, not just this but the truck and the lawsuit, it'd do him good to be welcomed home. Everyone wants to see for themselves that he's okay, that we didn't lose him." Bobby replied with a pensive look.

Athena nodded and then looked ahead, silently reaching out and running an hand over Bobby's thigh in reassurance. She truly hoped that bringing Buck to the station so soon after he had found out everyone thought him dead wouldn't blow up in their faces in spectacular fashion.

Behind Bobby and Athena, Buck himself sat behind the wheel of his Jeep. Dressed in blue jeans and a light gray button up shirt with red pinstripes, the blue eyed young man drove with his face carefully neutral. Beside him in the passenger seat was Eddie, dressed in a dark brown Henley long sleeve shirt and black jeans, his eyes constantly glancing at Buck, trying to gauge Buck's true emotional state. Buck's face broke out into a genuine smile when his eyes went to the rearview mirror and he caught sight of Christopher in the back seat, dressed in a light blue button-up short sleeve shirt and khaki shorts grinned back at him. Eddie felt some of the tension he was feeling ease, but it did not dissipate fully as he had no idea what would happen once they got to the station.

When the firefam processional finally did pull up to the station, they were first greeted by the sight of a couple of firefighters up on ladders as they were taking down the purple and black banners that had been put up as a sign of mourning.

The cars were parked and everyone got out, Bobby leading the way while everyone instinctively surrounded Buck as they made their way into the station. The moment Buck was in the ambulance bay he was hit by this wall of thunderous applause and yells of pure joy. Buck could only gawk silently at the many relieved and smiling faces gazing back at him eagerly. Many even still had the black bands over their badges as a symbol of mourning him. It was love, plain and simple, love that was directed all at him.

Only Buck felt like his whole body had suddenly become encased in ice. As his blue eyes slowly scanned the crowd, he saw among that among the very same faces that smiled and cheered for him now, had only a week ago jeered and glared at his mere presence. It was jarring, disconcerting, and just... not right.

Next thing Buck new he was shaking hands with a slightly emotional looking Captain Marsden and that just set off a seemingly endless chain of handshakes, hugs, and even kisses. Words upon words of people telling him they were so glad that he was alive, asking if he was immortal or something, and when he was coming back to work.

Buck endured it all with a smiled plastered on his face, until he caught sight of something by the stairs leading up to the loft. Ignoring everyone, Buck stepped away and moved past the crowd, slowly walking past everyone as he made his way to the memorial table that had been set up in his honor.

The once jubilant gathering of first responders slowly fell silent as all eyes watched Evan Buckley come to stand before his own memorial.

Buck stood tall and silent, his blue eyes almost gray as his own graduation portrait smiled back at him, almost in mockery. There were so many roses of different shades everywhere along with other kinds of flowers on the black and purple draped table and on the floor in front of it. Buck's eyes then went to his turnout gear which had honestly been collecting dust for the past three months. His helmet was so pristine he could almost see his own reflection staring back at him. His turnout coat and boots were totally spotless. Someone had taken the time to clean and shine everything.

Then Buck's eyes bet his own as they landed on his framed graduation portrait with the black ribbon going across one corner. As he gazed at himself as he was captured that wonderful, triumphant day, it finally all became too much.

" Buck?" Came Bobby's quietly concerned voice behind him.

Buck slowly turned, his face gradually draining of it's normal color, but instead of turning white his skin went ashen and gray. The station was deathly silent, many including Bobby having to resist the urge to flinch at the utterly stony and utterly devoid expression on Buck's face. For a life age, Buck just stared back at Bobby, at everyone and then he took in a slow, deep breath and finally spoke.

" So, all I had to do was die and now you all suddenly love Buckley the lawsuit boy again?"