He's been at the wedding for over an hour before he sees her coming in. She takes his breath away. She hasn't spotted him yet so he takes her in at her most natural element. Hugging Kat and Amanda. Joking with Carisi. It's a life and bond that pre dates him and he is happy to see that she is in good hands. He doesn't know them well but knows how loyal they are to her and her department. He has experienced it and worked alongside them over the past year but he knows that he is the outsider now in so many ways.
Her hair looks golden and is perfectly waved, it's long and full and he can't believe he's here and that she is too. That she's here and that she agreed to be his date. Not that they asked each other but it was assumed. Fin had them sitting together with Melinda and her husband and Barba.
He's glad for Melinda's friendly husband because he wouldn't know what to say to Barba who seems skeptical at best of him which he doesn't blame him for.
They were supposed to ride together but she cancelled at the last minute. He wasn't sure if it was for work or parenting duties but he was glad the pressure was off her in ways that would have maybe made this seem more like a date and any expectations that would come with it if so.
He knew why she was reserved and had her back up. He anticipated it and accepts it. It's just one of the many things he had to keep working at since his entire world changed. In the middle of all the chaos and pain she was his anchor even if he pushed her away she was still what tied him back to home, she was home in so many ways and now it was all so different.
Everything was exposed. His feelings for her both good and bad, her regret for him and undying love - it was all or nothing with them but it always has. The only difference is now everything is on the table. In front of his children he slipped, he cracked the foundation he so desperately thought he had built up to protect everyone else's feelings. Olivia's, his, his childrens but its all out. He told her he loved her in the same breath as his family and while his timing was piss poor his intent was one filled with honesty, despair and hope. Its just one more thing they don't verbally mention but skate around in baited breaths and late night whispered phone calls that discuss everything but.
Once she's done making her rounds she turns as if she feels his eyes. Taking in the curve hugging two piece suit she has with lace peaking out the top of her cleavage. She looks like she can't be fucked with and so beautiful. Her legs look endless and her curvy body there is no way that the sleek suit she has on wasn't specifically tailored to her body. She looks powerful and also so insanely soft and pretty.
"It's the best woman herself" He smiles and pulls her in for a hug of sorts as he runs his hand over her back before pulling back. He knows she cares for him, that she is protecting herself more than anything and he loves her for it but doesn't know which lines can and cannot be crossed with them on a physical standpoint just yet so he gets away with a half hug here, a shoulder rub there and finds himself unable to stop himself from curling his fist inside her elbow when they walk together these days.
"Can't believe our Fin is all grown up," she jokes and waves at Melinda as she chats with Barba across from her as she puts her purse down on her chair.
"Mom and dad..." she turns and smiles at Huang himself back from living in Canada for the special event.
"Together again.." he jokes with a martini in hand and pulls her in for a hug.
"Fin married, when are you two next? I'm kidding!" Huang is definitely tipsy and she isn't even mad at that. It's been years since she's seen him and he's no longer her shrink which helps.
"Huang, I'm actually glad to be seeing you which is a change.." Elliot stands and shakes his hand before standing beside Olivia.
"I'm glad to see you two together," he says loudly over the music that comes on. Olivia's eyes follow him as he mouths "finally" to Melinda.
The music starts and its loud and filled with base as the dance floor starts to fill. She smiles over at Amanda who motions for her to come on the dance floor before reaching in her purse to check her phone but he stops her.
He puts his hand on the inside of her elbow and she knows what he's doing.
He isn't even asking her but instructing her to follow his lead in a different type of way now.
Once they get to the dance floor she can feel eyes on them so she ducks her head into the chest.
"You know we are being watched right?" She breaths out causing her hair to blow softly against his cheek.
"So that means you can't shoot me for what I'm about to ask..." He says as he pulls her in closer and tightens the hold his hand has on hers as they sway to the music.
"In front of all these people you want to do this?" She asks "they are already staring as it is."
She knows what this is about. The letter. She has been avoiding him and the topic along with everything else for her own self preservation. Its all too much and she doesn't have the luxury of breaking down. Not with her own family and squad.
"You can't shoot me in front of this many witnesses. Plus there's like three judges at Donnelly's table alone," He is smirking and goes to spin her to lighten the mood. She stops mid turn and drops her arms to look at him seriously.
"Cmon please..." she can't turn it down and takes his hand and goes back to the dance floor. There are a lot more couples but she feels very self aware and not nearly as tipsy as she would want to be to open up certain pandoras boxes with him.
"I'm not a big dancer, I never dance you know" she whispers as they find a spot for themselves on the floor just on the outskirts of the cluster of dancers now.
"You must really like me then," He smirks and pulls her close to him, so that his arm is across her lower back holding her in place. Her perfume is so soft and delicate he hopes it rubs off onto the front of his suit jacket from how close they have now moved together.
"Don't push it my friend" she says smiling at him.
God she's so beautiful he thinks. How they drifted away to be molded back together closer than ever is something he has learned to stop questioning and has asked God forgives him for his doubt.
"Friends? Is that what we are now?" He asks her softly, having to whisper directly into her ear so she makes it out what he is saying over the music.
"I guess so...weren't we always friends back then?" She lets him lead and control her body, he has moved them so that he is slowly swaying to the music. She would have never pegged him for a dancer of any sorts but she is finding out more and more that she didn't know him the way she thought she did. She has been finding herself pleasantly surprised even if she never dare admit to him.
"Not always. I didn't always treat you like I would a friend and I'm sorry for that.." He is facing her now and looking down at her lips. She can tell he doesn't give a shit who sees. He isn't arrogant just so damn sure of himself and of them that sometimes it makes her angry, other times like right now it fills her with love.
"No you didn't, which was good and bad.. but you want to talk about that now?" She laughs at him but knows whats coming because she still knows him in so many ways that time has left unaffected.
"Wanna talk about the letter?" He whispers just light enough for her to hear.
"Now? God.." she looks like she's not quite upset but shocked and also nervous as hell.
He tightens his hold on her and brings her close, finally pulling her into a perfect nook against his body. He continues to lead the dancing as he sways along with her and has more rhythm than she would have ever credited him for, or admit at the very least.
"Why can't we talk about it? You came to my apartment that one night I was working and wanted to talk about but you've been running away from it ever since..did you even read it?" He has stopped dancing but his hold is still on her with one hand on her waist and the other refusing to let go of her hand.
"Wanna talk about what you said in front of your kids a couple weeks ago?" She shots back because after all they loved a good eye for an eye whether neither would admit it. This is a game to see who can crack or maybe a shot at reality and just being truthful.
"Do you want to talk about it, Cap?" He smiles against her cheek and continues dancing both around the topic and her physically as he moves her and guides her with his hand on her hip.
She keeps dancing and doesn't say a word.
"I meant it. I was never one for timing you know that..." She goes to slip her hand out of his hand but he has such a firm hold on it now.
"Want to keep you on your toes is all" he says as he wraps his entire arm around her waist leaving absolutely no doubt for anyone still watching them that this exceeds a friendly cordial social dance between two co-workers.
"Is that so?" She blushes, she cares less and less who sees. She feels herself unwinding, everything is unraveling now between them and her helplessness allows her to enjoy this moment because she knows its so out of her control and she finds comfort in the unknown.
"It is so" he says before pulling her in close putting his cheek to hers. His lips against her ear in front of 100 of their coworkers.
"I fucking love you, I always will.." it makes her stop dancing and stop his hands as a protective reflex. Maybe out of shock too.
"I'll just have to keep saying it til it stops being so scary then...that's okay with me. Is it okay with you?" She nods against his cheek and he kisses the crown of her head before walking back to the bar with her. He doesn't give a fuck about her squad or what the whispers will be like tomorrow and in the days to follow. Let them talk and stare, it's all true the rumours. And that's okay too.