Chapter Summary: Rin and Sesshoumaru discuss the consequences of their actions and decide if it is worth the risks they want to take.
Notes: Hello everyone, thank you for your patience as you awaited me to finish this. I will be honest, I am not sure I will be able to uphold my goals of weekly posting for future chapters. I have some personal things in my life affecting me right now, so thank you for understanding. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and am excited as we progress further together. Sessrin forever and always. Amen. 3
Rated 18+ M for violence and sexual content.
Chapter 5: Consequences and Risks
She woke to the sound of birds singing, waves gliding in and out over sandy shores, and the sunlight hitting her face. A small moan escaping her, she buried her head in her arms before she slowly came around. She moved her head back up, fluttering her eyes open to see just past the entrance of the cave she had laid sleeping in. It was bright as the sun cast light into the dark spaces, the rocky walls seeming to glitter as the light touched them. The fire from the night before had gone out, nothing left but charred bits of driftwood. She rubbed her eyes, fully waking.
She then noticed the heaviness of someone else's arm stretched out over her, and she remembered last night. Glancing down at the hand and its claws that rested against her waist, she also saw the fur pelt draped over her lower half and realized he must have placed it there in the night to keep her warm. She smiled fondly and slowly sat up, quietly. His hand gracefully dropped from her body when she moved, hearing a slight moan come from him. She looked over her shoulder, seeing that his eyes were still closed and so she was careful not to wake him. She stayed sitting, as she turned to look out at the beach.
It was already a beautiful day she could tell, the sky only a little hazy with soft white clouds, the sun blazing into her space. She could feel its warmth and knew it would likely also be a hot summer day. For now she could feel the crisp cool winds coming off of the ocean, the smell of salty water and sea life. It made her feel at peace, even though she could still recall the memories of the night before. But they were not all bad, if anything she felt she had finally reached another layer of him.
A seagull flew by then, landing near the cave entrance on a large rock. It pecked around at the hard surface, which was covered in moss. It moved its head then slightly, like it knew she was watching it. Meeting her gaze, it twitched its head to the side, letting out a cry before it began to flutter its wings and then take off again. She followed it as it flapped its limbs, disappearing out of view.
Suddenly she felt someone's fingers gently graze against her hand and she glanced down to her left, seeing his claws. Looking back, she noticed his golden eyes looking up at her. She smiled when she saw his face, still sleepy but focused on her. "Are you all right?" he asked, his voice deep yet soft, as he had just awakened. She nodded, feeling warmth in her heart that he would ask that, perhaps thinking of the events that had happened. Aside from the chaos though, she remembered how right before she had fallen asleep, the way his arms around her felt so comforting.
"Yes," she smiled, glancing across his body, his long silver hair draped across his white clothing with red markings. His golden eyes caught the sunlight in a way that made her heart flutter. He looked like a god, she thought to herself, serene and ethereal as he lay there, reaching out to her. In that moment, something sparked inside of her and she slowly leaned down, pressing her lips against his. It was gentle, as he did not respond in a way that was full of passion, but simply met her gesture.
She slowly sat back up, and found herself blushing as she looked at his face again. She was thinking of how handsome and beautiful he was, and glanced down at his hand still over hers, his skin lighter than her own. She liked the contrast of it, wondering if it was because he was a full demon or simply because he avoided the light. She remembered from when she was small, noticing how he always seemed to have a different energy at night, like it uplifted him. He was like the moon in that way, only shining at night, in the darkness. Memories came to her of how she used to enjoy looking at the moon when she was very little, and her mother telling a story about a princess who came down from the stars. She then frowned, not wanting to recall those memories.
"Rin, can I ask you something?" he questioned her, breaking the silence. His tone had changed, and she could sense a softness in it as he looked up to meet her gaze. The way his expression was, she wondered if he could read her thoughts. She nodded, watching as he propped himself up on one arm. He reached up to her, caressing her cheek with his palm, his thumb gliding underneath her eye. "Why were you crying last night, before I came to see you?" he asked.
Rin glanced away for a second, realizing that her eyes still burned slightly from the night before. She wondered if he had noticed this, otherwise he wouldn't have asked that question. Or perhaps the recalling of her mother made her face change and he saw that too. She couldn't hide from him; her emotions gave her away every time. She felt anxious in that moment, closing her eyes as something painful suddenly rushed in and she placed a hand over her heart in an attempt to calm herself, clutching at her white clothing.
She opened her eyes again when she felt his other hand on her other cheek and she looked to him, noticing he had sat up fully. Her eyes began to water as she met his gaze, her lips quivering as she fought the feelings that were surging into her. But as he gazed into her eyes, she felt a strange comfort washing over her, and her expression softened. She closed her eyes, placing both of her hands on his wrists as a tear slid down her cheek.
Sesshoumaru pulled her into him suddenly and her eyes flew open, but she allowed it, letting herself fall. She then found herself grasping at his clothing when she felt him wrap his long strong arms around her and hug her. She burrowed her face into his chest, letting out a soft cry. She couldn't help it. She felt like she'd been holding onto something her whole life, and she was finally allowing it to escape her. She felt the pain, as well as a great relief sliding off of her heavy shoulders.
"You don't have to tell me." his voice was gentle as she felt him rest his chin on the top of her head, one of his hands running through her hair, touching her shoulder. She shook her head in response, "No," she paused, her face still against his chest. She felt safe in his arms every time she was there, and she wanted to share this with him, even though it pained her. "I never told you, about how I came to meet you." She closed her eyes, tears still present, "I know when I was little I said I had no family, but truthfully, they were taken from me." she choked, "There was so much blood." She could feel his large hand on her back then and it soothed her as he stroked her. She continued, "After that, I was on my own, alone for a long time," she paused, "Until I met you."
Sesshoumaru tightened his grip around her, recalling that time in the forest that seemed so long ago, but for him, it really wasn't. He could still remember catching her scent for the first time, unsure of who was approaching, only the need to protect himself, as he was injured, snarling viciously in defense. But it was just a human girl, small, dirty and frightened, but also curious. He sometimes wondered what she was thinking that day, the way she let go of her fear and attempted to communicate with him, help him even. He remembered she had no voice then, just silence, and later he saw the cruelty she faced just by looking at the cuts and bruises on her tiny body. He pitied her in that moment, but distanced himself emotionally until she smiled at him. He remembered how that felt, that spark lighting up inside of him. Was that the first moment that had changed everything? But why? He wondered if part of her reminded him of his own experience as a child, the isolation. Or was it something more?
As he held her in his arms in the present moment, stroking her back, he felt a tug on his heart. "Rin," he breathed. He pressed his lips against the top of her hair, closing his eyes as he felt her body relax into him. He could tell she was stricken with grief over her loss and had likely been suppressing it all of her life. He then felt her moving her head to look up at him and he pulled back. He met her gaze and when he saw the sadness in her brown eyes he felt moved, which also pained him as his chest became tight. What was this feeling? Was it new, or just previously unnoticed?
Sesshoumaru's eyes widened for only a moment at his feelings, before his eyes softened again towards her. He brought a hand to her face, pulling back the messy strands of hair from her tear soaked cheeks. Never breaking their gaze, he continued to look past those hurting eyes, searching her. He had a great desire then, to take away the pain, and replace it with something else. He wondered if he alone would be enough.
He felt her reach up to touch his face and his heart pulled at him once more. He found himself wanting her in that moment, to be closer than ever, to become a part of her. But he didn't act, for her wanted this to be her choosing, the day she would allow him full access to her, to be one with him. Instead he remained still as she touched him, just as she had the night before when they stood on the cliff together underneath the moon. Her fingertips went from the blood markings on his cheeks, to his eyes and lashes, his nose. He never took his eyes off her as he watched her face change, her body now rising.
Rin pulled herself up to her knees as she touched him, moving her fingers to his lips now. She brought her other hand to his shoulder to balance herself, noticing how he held still for her as he watched her movements. She wondered what he was thinking, but past those golden eyes she saw what she felt must be love for her. He had never spoken these words to her, but everything else spoke volumes in their stead. She rose fully on her knees, pulling him to her so that she could kiss him. She watched as he closed his eyes when she did so, but his hands were kept at his side. She wanted him to touch her, like he had in previous moments like this, but he didn't. She wondered why.
She placed both hands on his neck, attempting to deepen the kiss as she moved her mouth against his. But she only found him mimicking her actions, and so she pulled back to face him. His body was so much taller than hers, that she only stood a few centimeters above him as she was on her knees and him sitting. She watched as his eyes opened to face her, a glimmer in them that made her heart melt all over again. There was something else in there, something he was holding back but she didn't know what.
But as she looked at him, she realized what he had become to her over the years, since she lost everything she once knew. He hadn't replaced her family, but had opened the door to a new belonging. Where she was at one time so lost, she found purpose in a path he was already walking, and so she followed him on that day so very long ago. She wanted to be with him forever, for however long that might be, she knew this. But she also realized something else, the way things had changed between them, that perhaps the path she'd taken had changed also. She was no longer following him like the days in her youth, but now walking at his side. Perhaps this was a new direction, one they were taking together.
She realized, just as she had when she was little, that she wasn't lonely anymore, not when she was near him. He had given her so much that she had never even asked for, in the form of a companion and protector. She had always felt safe with him, trusted him with her own life. She pulled him to her in that moment, his face falling against her chest. She felt him tense up for only a moment before he released it, allowing her to hold him like this. She nuzzled her head against his, wanting to thank him for everything he had ever done for her. "Lord Sesshoumaru," she spoke his name but nothing else, hoping that would be enough to convey her feelings for him.
Sesshoumaru felt slightly unnerved, being this close to her body in this way. He didn't think she realized what she was doing in a physical sense when she pulled his face into her chest. As she held him against her, he could feel her heartbeat though, and it seemed to relax his own heart that had picked up its pace. Underneath her white clothing, he could feel the shape of her soft breasts pressing against his cheeks. At first this worried him that his demon blood would kick in somehow but when it didn't he wondered why. It felt strangely comforting though, in a nurturing kind of way, feeling her like this and he wondered if he had ever felt this way before.
He found himself reaching up to touch her, as he had previously not allowed himself to. His hands and claws latched onto her body, hugging her. He could feel her petting his silver hair and he closed his eyes, just wanting to feel the sense of her soft touch. This woman was so kind he realized, unlike what he'd ever known in his entire life. He enjoyed being close to her like this, at first unwilling because he didn't want to lose his strength. But over time, he had begun to notice that his kindredness towards her had not caused him to lose anything, but had actually deepened his abilities and power. He had been searching for what felt like many lifetimes of ways to grow stronger, and thought at one time he found it in that sword that would never be his. He then wondered if it was not a sword or a title that he had been looking for, but her all along.
And then an uncalled thought came to him; the fear of losing her. He had felt it before, perhaps the first time she died when the wolves had taken her life, when he brought her back with the aid of the Tenseiga sword. He felt it again, in times when she was taken from him, as a power play from enemies, but he was able to save her again, every time, even in the final battle with Naraku. But perhaps what worried him most, was that she was now out of chances if something were to happen. Tenseiga, he had learned, could only save her once, and his mother's Meido stone brought her back a second time when he lost her in the underworld. But that was it, no more chances.
He gripped onto her, wishing for these thoughts to disappear, but they didn't. He remembered the time with her in that sunflower field, on the hill, how he needed to speak to her about it then, the choices they were making, but he didn't. Perhaps he should now, given especially last night's events and the way that ogre demon knew too much unsettled him. He wondered what could be in the works, what he didn't know among the elite demons, if they could be planning against him, or what they actually knew. He felt he had always been careful since the time he placed her there in the village, only visiting every so often and discreetly. He even took a year without seeing her at all, but for other reasons involving the questions of how he now saw her. As things had changed between them in these few months he had come back into her life, he had still taken measures to keep her safe. But if even his mother had spies, surely the Lord of the East could also. Anger and dread continued to fill him, his desire urging him to protect Rin as he tightened his hold around her petite form.
"Lord Sesshoumaru," Rin's voice broke the silence, "What's wrong?" she asked, as she felt he could crush her with the hold he had on her that was continuing to tighten. It loosened though when she spoke and she touched his shoulder softly. She felt him tense up for only a second at her touch, but then it seemed to drift away as she watched him pull back to look up at her. There was something behind those golden eyes that made her question what he was thinking. It wasn't that he was hiding anything from her, but it seemed he just wasn't saying what was on his mind. She wanted to try and reach him.
She then began to pull back from him, feeling him reluctantly let go of her, which pained her in a way. But she took his hand as she stood, gesturing for him to stand with her. She watched him as he did so, his gaze on her unfaltering. She padded through the dirt to the entrance of the cave, a wave crashing on the sand only meters beyond them. She could feel the cool mist on her skin as the sun touched her, its warmth overcoming her. She tightened her hand on his, walking out into the light.
Sesshoumaru let her guide him out of the cave, leaving behind his armor and swords. He was always protective over these items, but in this moment, all that mattered was her. He looked down at her hand over his, so much smaller than his own. His expression softened towards her as he watched the way the wind caught her hair, whipping it about and tangling the strands. The ocean breeze sent mist upon his face, blowing his long silver hair away from his body and into the wind.
"Oh, it's so windy, but nice." she looked back at him, smiling. She stopped as they reached the shore, the seagulls flying away from where they walked. She pulled on his arm, as she stepped backwards into the tide, just barely coming up to her ankles. He watched as she gasped then laughed, likely from the coolness of the water he could not feel due to his armored footing. In that moment he wondered, if she would ever have been able to find this joy without him. Was he the reason for that smile, or was she so full of life that nothing could shake her, not even what she'd been through. He knew now, his desire to protect her at all costs, and he wondered if him being without her would do that. If it meant for her life to not be taken again, her light not to be diminished, he could do that if he had to, let her go.
"Rin, we have to talk about something." he frowned, not wanting to take this peaceful moment from her, but knew that he had to. He watched as her expression of joy slowly faded, turning into curiosity and then perhaps, disappointment. She looked down to the sand, facing away from him, "What is it, Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked and he could sense sadness in her voice. She slowly pulled her hand away from him and this pained him, as she brought both hands to her chest. It was almost like she could tell what he was thinking. Had they become that connected, or was it not his thoughts but the dark energy he exuded? He thought of the threats that loomed over them and frowned deeper.
Sesshoumaru clasped both of his hands into a fist, "Rin, there are forces that would come between us, this union we are creating." He didn't say anything after that, only watched as she pulled on strands of her long dark hair, playing with it. Her face didn't read of fondness though, but rather she was trying to distract herself from the conversation. He feared this, that she might withdraw as soon as he became honest with her. He wanted to assure her safety, but there was a part of him that wondered if he couldn't honestly promise that, not fully. As he was about to continue, she broke the silence.
"Kirinmaru?" she asked, still not facing him. "The demon," she paused, "From last night, he mentioned that name."
"Yes." Sesshoumaru glanced away, memories rushing into his mind, the times he watched his father leave for battles, the tall dark redheaded figure at his side. He remembered the devilish grin he always seemed to cast him, the spark behind his eyes and the way he looked at and touched his father. It made him curious back then, but also angered him and he didn't know why. He had wondered if it was jealousy, that he wanted to go into battle also but was too young, or perhaps something more. He recalled how it angered his mother as well, the way she would confide herself in her room for days on end in his father's absence, not speaking to anyone, not the servants, not him. He would go to her on occasion, but she would only send him away. It confused him as a child, but as he had grown older, he understood more.
Sesshoumaru brought himself back to the present, facing Rin with determination to speak of it, "He once fought alongside my father, centuries ago. He is a purist." he looked down at her, wanting her to look back but she didn't. He felt there was something weighing on her mind, and he knew it must be all of this.
"A purist?" she asked and he nodded, "He believes that the human species should not exist, that they are inferior." He watched as her face read of mixed emotions, of confusion but also fear and he grimaced. He remembered a time not so long ago when he felt the same way, looked down upon this other species, seeing them as weak and pointless. That was all he knew and had been raised as such. But now, this person standing in front of him was exactly that, a human, and she had brought nothing but strength and purpose to his life, contrary to his former beliefs. And it was more than just that, something he still hadn't admitted even to himself, something he still couldn't quite place.
"But you're not like that." she responded, assuredly, finally looking up at him. Her face was full of sincerity, the curiosity that still lingered, but hope in her eyes. And here he was, going to take it from her.
"No," he paused, "But I used to be." He watched as she furrowed her brows. A large wave washed in suddenly, which caused her to lose her balance, falling forward. He caught her as she cried out in surprise but then held onto him, trying to regain balance. Only he did not let her go, he didn't want to. She looked up at him, a slight distance in her eyes. He found himself reluctant to continue sharing with her, but knew that he had to. And now he wanted to change the confused and sad look on her face. He wondered if she knew what she was to him, if it would make a difference in her sadness. "Rin," he breathed, "It was you that changed me."
Wanting to show her how he felt, he brought her wrist to his chest, placing her hand over his heart. What he had just shared, it strained him to speak up and tell her something that had been so private to him. There was much more that he wanted to say, but he couldn't find the words, and so he hoped this would be enough for her to understand. He gazed into her brown eyes, that seemed to widen and then soften slowly with the beating of his heart. He wanted her to know, the impact she had created in his life. She had taught him so much, especially to think of anyone other than himself. He had never been shown that before, the tenderness she gave so freely to him.
Rin stared up at his golden eyes that shone brightly in the sun, his silver strands of hair moving steadily along the breeze. She could feel his heart's pacing, quick and even as her hand was pressed against the white fabric upon his chest. She wanted to reach underneath in that moment, to come closer by feeling his skin, but she didn't. His large hand on her wrist was enough. It troubled her though, the tone he had and the feelings emitting from him. Sometimes she feared losing him again, to the ways of demons. She knew she herself did not come from much, and she was human at that. Even though she knew he cared for her, there was a small part of her that knew the truth of what was facing them, the reality of it all. She couldn't hide from it, even though she wanted to. Just as she had faced discrimination from the humans, she was sure he would face this from his own species also.
His expression seemed to change the longer she stared into his eyes, and she knew he was questioning everything again. There was so much he didn't say, or couldn't say, and she didn't know if it was because he chose not to, or if he struggled with what he should say all together. She had known him long enough though, that she felt it was the latter. And so, she wanted to help him, just as she had when she was small, the questions she gave him and the opinions that always garnished an answer. She had always known what his personal goals were from the time she was a child, even though it was Jaken who had spoken of it mostly.
Rin reached up to touch his face, pushing back the silver strands of hair that whipped in the wind. She wondered how someone like her had been able to change someone like him, if it was true like he said. She was curious what he could have been like before, if that were even imaginable. The demon she knew was cold and distant sometimes, yes, but there was something underneath that exterior that seemed to reach out to her since she was small. She saw him, saw past the layers he put up to hide himself. She even remembered the times when others made comments on his demeanor, how she defended him every time, wanting them to see what she saw. But perhaps, it really was only for her.
"Lord Sesshoumaru, what bothers you?" she asked gently, watching his brows furrow together. She caressed his face as she spoke, willing him to answer. And he did, when moments had passed by. "Rin, I want to," he paused, glancing away for only a second, then back to her, "Protect you." She could sense the urgency in his voice, like a warning that threatened the both of them.
"From this Kirinmaru?" she asked, lowering her hand from his cheek to his neck.
"Yes," he nodded, and she continued to search his eyes, pressing him for more. She wanted him to feel like he could trust her, with whatever needed to be said. She then moved her hand from his neck to his chest, tugging at the white fabric and prompting him. He seemed to give in when she did so, not quite relaxing, but responding at least, "I have assessed that he is gathering forces," she listened as he inhaled for only a second, "And it is only a matter of time before he approaches me also."
"Your empire?" worry started to fill her suddenly, the thought of him leaving crossing her mind. Something seemed to spark in him though, and she was taken aback when he quickly grabbed both of her wrists. Her eyes widened as he held her against him as she looked up to meet his eyes, so full of what she could only sense as determination.
"The kingdom I was to inherit," Sesshoumaru breathed, "I can't." he was taken by his own words, overcome with fervor at the refusal of what once was his only goal, his only dream. And now, he was letting it all go, for her. "Rin, what you and I are doing, this," he brought her hands to his chest, pressing them against him, "It changes everything" He pulled her small body to him fully, gritting his teeth when she winced from the tightness of his hold. He didn't let go though, if only to show her the seriousness of it all, even if it frightened her, even if she might leave him. Her life was more valuable to him than the feeling of being near her. His only desire now was to keep her safe, to live, even if it meant without him.
"Do you understand?" he pressed her then, "They could come after you, if they learned of you, of us. The forgoing of my title affects everything that will happen next. Your freedom, your life," he paused, "Is that what you want? A life of secrecy and fear, only if to be next to me?" He watched her expression change as he held her to him, speaking every word that pained him to do so. She looked away then, frowning as he caught the scent of tears in her eyes. He hated this, but she needed to know the reality of the situation. He couldn't lose her to his own foolishness of wanting her. He needed a response from her.
"Rin, do you understand?" he repeated.
"Yes! I understand!" she answered him, a flame igniting in her voice he wasn't sure he'd ever heard before. He loosened his grip on her and she pulled away from him suddenly, an angry look on her face. He let go of her immediately as she stepped back, looking up to face him with an intensity in her eyes that mildly intimidated him. "Will you walk away from me now?" she spat, her voice cracking, and he could tell in that moment that what she was feeling was not anger, but pain. He realized that it was him that had done this, he hurt her. He wanted to stop it from happening, but he couldn't. Instead, he chose to allow her to make this decision, now that she was aware of what stood against them.
Sesshoumaru allowed his face to wash over with calm resolve, "If you ask me to, then I will."
Rin's hands were clenched in fists, frustration overtaking her. It angered her, but she didn't know why and if it was really directed at him to begin with. But she was questioning it. She knew there would be risks, and she knew of the danger that always seemed to revolve around him since she was a young girl. Was this what it meant to be a demon, let alone to be with one? But in that moment, she understood the pain of possibly losing him, and it felt like she was losing a part of herself, like a limb torn painfully from her body. She bit her lip, feeling tears in her eyes, "I won't. I can't… Without you, I can't..." she started to cry. She was unable to say the words that she wanted, to tell him everything that he meant to her, how she would become empty and lifeless again, without him.
"Rin," she heard his voice speak her name as she faced away from him, sensing pain behind the cold facade he faced her with. It was like the walls she had worked so hard to break through had gone back up again. It pained her and she cried, not caring what he saw of her, the heartache and loneliness she had tried so hard to keep tucked away. But then, affirmations in her own truths took her and she faced him once more, "What is living without risks?" she cried, "If I never took the chances I did, I'd still be alone, or dead." She watched his face flinch as she uttered that last mention, and a part of her immediately regretted it. Her eyes widened and she stopped. She didn't know if she was only stating facts or that she was intentionally directing that at him, like it had been his responsibility to save her. It wasn't.
Rin wanted to let go of her anger in that moment, to take it all back. And then, she felt the tears come again and a pain in her chest that made her realize she wasn't angry at all. She was fearing the loss of him, and in that, she was worried she may have struck an unnecessary chord and hurt him. She looked down, loosening her tight fists before bringing a hand to her face to wipe away the tears, "I'm sorry," she choked, still looking away from him.
A moment passed, before she suddenly felt his presence beside her and his strong arms pulling her into him. She felt her body swayed and overcome by emotions, and even though she felt the guilt of it all, she let him take it from her. She buried her face into his chest, grasping at the opening of his kimono and sobbing against him. She felt his hand on her back, as it was earlier in the cave and the feelings crashed into her again, much like the sounds of the ocean against the sand. She could feel his skin on the back of her fingers as she held onto the white fabric of his neckline, it was soft yet hardened by muscle. She wanted to touch him more, feel him. "Lord Sesshoumaru," she whimpered.
"Rin, you don't have to be lonely any longer." he spoke softly as she cried into his chest. He wanted her to be able to release it all, everything she had been holding in. The loss of her family, her loneliness and the fear that they now faced together. He held her in his arms, wishing he could absorb her pain for her. Then she spoke, "Neither do you." her voice murmured into the creases of his fabric and it took him aback, if only for a second. A curious emotion suddenly swept him away, and flashes of his youth came to him, visions of empty castle halls, quiet forests, cold mountains and endless seas. He pulled back to look down at her, as she raised her face to meet his eyes. He realized then, without her saying the exact words, that she had made her decision to be near him, that she too had chosen this path.
Sesshoumaru gazed into her brown eyes, feeling the sincerity and determination behind them. It softened him, how stubborn she had always been. And so, he gave in, like always, leaning down to kiss her, just gently. He felt her tug on the white fabric of his clothing she held, pulling him on her and deepening the kiss. But he pulled back, not wanting it to go too far. "Rin," he spoke as he faced her, her expression curious like she was trying to understand his actions. She no doubtedly wanted more from him physically, but he couldn't, not yet. Instead, he offered her something else. "You are right, Rin." he told her, "Living without risks… isn't living at all."
He watched as she smiled up at him, that familiar peace she emitted coming over him. He loved this feeling and pressed his forehead against hers, just wanting to breathe her in. But he had noticed the sun was already two thirds over the sky, and he knew their night away that was only supposed to be a few hours had grown into much more. "I must get you back to the village," he told her and felt warmed when she nodded, smiling again as she wiped away the tears from her eyes. He scooped her up into his arms, holding her closely as he turned and made his way back to the cave.
Letting her down, he returned to where his armor and swords lay. He proceeded to put everything back on, feeling her watching him from his peripheral vision. But then he turned as he noticed her walk over to him, "Here," she spoke, attempting to assist him in dressing. "Rin," he stepped back for a moment, but didn't want to push her away for fear of hurting her again. And so he didn't move, as he watched her place her hands on the armor he had strapped over his chest. She began fastening it to him, adjusting the breastplate and hitching on the shoulder piece to secure it. "It's so heavy," she noted, but he didn't say anything as it appeared she was concentrated and he was also curious why she would do this.
He glanced over her as she bent over to pick up the yellow and blue sash, wrapping it around his waist and overlapping it just as he preferred it. Something ignited deep with him and he admitted to himself in that moment, how badly he wanted her. Her hair was messy from lying in the dirt and sand, tangled by the wind, her white inner kimono was stained and he could see her cleavage as she was bent at his waist, and her normal scent mixed with the salty ocean and demon blood- his blood. Oddly, he found it intoxicating. As she tied on his sash, he wondered how she would react if he kissed her now, touched her like he really wanted to, and took her against the walls of that cave. Is that what she wanted also? There were times he could smell it on her.
"Rin," she looked up at the sound of his deep voice as soon as she'd finished tying the sash. His golden eyes were intense in the darkness, very little light from the sun casting in to reflect on his figure. She stood to her full height, which still only reached almost to the top of his armored breastplate. She held his gaze for only a moment, curious of his stare, before he suddenly turned his face another direction. "Let us go." he spoke in a firm tone, which made her wonder why. But she didn't question it, figuring it must be because of the time. And then this made her worry herself. "Oh no, Kaede, the chores, the-" a sound gurgled from her stomach and she groaned, blushing.
Rin heard Sesshoumaru smirk as he bent to pick up his swords, then strapping them to himself. She watched him, wondering if that had been his version of a laugh. It made her curious and amused. She wanted to hug him, a part of her thinking how cute it sounded, but she didn't, choosing to respect his space. Perhaps one day she'd feel more comfortable doing this, touching him whenever she felt like it. But for now, she would wait and give him time that he seemed to need from her. The flinches were growing less now, every time she did touch him first, but she still understood that it needed to be his idea, to make the first move of being near each other physically.
"I'm ready," she smiled and he nodded in response as she turned to walk outside of the cave. As soon as they were in the daylight again, he picked her up. She had grown so used to this she felt, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on tightly as he dashed to jump on a large rock, thrusting his body all the way up to the edge of the cliff then running through the grassy field before leaping into the sky. The moves he made had always impressed her, and as she leaned into him on their flight, she chose silence, if only to listen to the sounds his body made, his breathing and his heartbeat. She caressed her fingers against neck as she held onto him, noticing how his eyes glanced at her for only a couple of seconds before looking forward again, his expression unchanging.
She realized she felt closer to him now, than she ever had before, which she didn't think was even possible. Was it because of all that she had shared with him, what he had shared with her? Or was it what they might face together, the resolve they made? She didn't know. All she knew was that she was enjoying this moment, the feeling of the rushing wind against her, the warmth of his body and the nature of his soul. His soul, she wondered, searching deeper as memories of her father came to her then. She remembered him sharing his beliefs with her,
Our bodies may die, but our souls never do. We keep living, forever.
It comforted her, recalling something she thought she had forgotten. It made her want to cry, realizing she had suppressed not only the bad, but the good too. But no tears came as she closed her eyes, listening to the demon's heart beating as she remembered her father, her mother and her brothers and pictured their souls along with her, flying through the sky, with her always.
. . .
Some time had passed and the sun was just beginning to set, shades of orange and pink casting a glow over his face. She looked up at him as they neared the village, crossing over groves of trees. His face was stern and she knew he was in his thoughts as always, but didn't press it for she felt content in the moment. As she looked down she saw villagers coming and going with their wagons, leaving the fields, likely going home to their families. And then, he brought them down into the trees, gliding past heavy branches and leaves before settling on the forest ground. He let go of her and she stood, before looking around and realizing he may not want to be seen by the villagers. He'd always been that way, kept out of sight and discreet in his visits to her. But now she understood why.
She turned back to face him and nodded, knowing it was time to depart from him, even though a small part of it pained her. But she knew he would return to her, as he always had. She walked through the trees, towards the clearing. She could sense him following her and just before she made it into the light she felt his hand around her wrist. She suddenly felt herself being pulled back toward him and whipped around, his large hand on the small of her back. She gasped from the quick movement as his hand let go of her wrist to grab the back of her head and hair. She felt his lips on hers then, the pressure of his body against hers, pulling her closer. Her eyes widened at first, then closed, giving into the warm feeling.
She could feel that familiar tug from her insides that longed for him, a feeling she wasn't fully aware of. All she knew was that in this close proximity, with parts of his skin touching hers, his tongue parting her lips and entering her mouth, it gave way to a need she couldn't explain, it just felt right. She wanted to feel more of him and reached for his neck, pulling him down to her height. He bent forward in response and she feared she may fall, stepping back. She felt the trunk of a tree behind her, stopping her movements and breaking the kiss. She moaned when it happened, his lips and tongue departing from her.
She watched him pull back, noticing the same intense gaze he held for her in the cave and other moments previous to this one. She remembered the way he had looked at her on the beach as the water soaked her clothing, that time in the sunflower field when he had climbed on top of her and when he had given her a tour of the place they were to share together one day, the feeling of him touching her like that. But then she realized he now had both hands on either side of her, placed against the tree's bark. He looked down at her, his long silver hair cascading over her and his eyes lit up in the darkness of the shaded forest.
She jumped as he moved in again, but this time his lips were on her neck. She moaned when she felt the warmth and the wetness of his mouth. She suddenly thought he might bite her in that moment and she winced from the idea, reaching for his neck to fully pull him against her. "Lord Sesshoumaru," she whimpered, feeling the ache in her belly again.
Sesshoumaru grazed his teeth against the softness of her skin as he tasted her sweet flesh, wanting more but he held himself back. Instead he sucked on her neck, noticing the sounds she made when he did so that intensified the feelings inside of him. He knew he wouldn't go much further than this, but was allowing himself just a taste of her. Every time he grew closer to her, he noticed how his desire changed, grew into something different. At first it was curiosity, then it enticed him, turned into longing and now a need, like he was wanting to be a part of something, a part of her perhaps.
He pulled back then and stood, studying the expression on her face as she let out a soft moan in the absence of his lips. She gazed up at him, her deep brown eyes sparkling with the sun rays that showed through the cracks in the tree cover. She seemed wistful yet longing for something, and he knew he'd done that to her, which also seemed to bring him pleasure. He noticed then, the red mark on her neck where his mouth had just been. Reaching out, he touched it with his fingers curiously and she moaned again, slightly. He glanced at her eyes for only a second before back to the mark, caressing it then removing his hand.
"Rin," he spoke, moving the strands of messy dark hair from her face with his claws. "I must leave now," he watched her expression change from bliss, but not to sadness as he expected. Instead, she smiled softly as she looked up at him, "I know." Her response brought a sense of peace to him again, and he felt content in everything they'd spoken of. He knew what they faced, but he also knew what it meant for him to be near her, what it meant for her also. He kissed her forehead, just barely, before stepping back and letting go of her.
He watched as she gathered herself, smoothing out the stained white clothing and her hair. She then turned to the parting of the trees, before looking over her shoulder at him once more. He realized in that moment, he didn't want to leave her. He wanted to be near her, always. But he couldn't, not yet. He would make this world as secure as he could for her, if only to allow her to live forever, however long that may be. As she took her leave, he stepped forward, placing a hand on the trunk of the tree he'd just held her against. He watched as she made her way across the clearing, the rice fields and river, the way the sunset illuminated her figure and dark hair as she moved, those bare feet of hers kicking up dust.
It reminded him of times long ago, how he used to watch that little girl from afar. He had never realized back then, how he had come to care for her and longed to protect her, not like he had now. But he knew, it must have always been this way, even if he never admitted it, not even to himself. He wondered why he had fought these needs he seemed to have for so long, to care for another, especially her. But for now, if he could keep this promise, to never allow her to be alone again and to still be able to keep her safe, that was all that mattered, his irreplaceable Rin.
Thank you for reading. Please follow me on twitter if you'd like more updates, too see my fanart and the illustration I did for this chapter.
dearmisskitty
Until next time. 3