Sorry to all who were hoping for an earlier update, I spent today with my family and I'm in the US so it's the end of the day for me. Without further ado, let's finish the day through Christian's perspective.

Chapter 4

Christian

I had the presence of mind not to ask Andrea to come in on a Saturday, but she sent her new assistant in when I mentioned that I was working from Grey House today. To be honest, I would have preferred to work alone. This woman is turning out to be a real pain in the ass.

For one, she's brunette. I used to quietly reject any brunette candidates reporting directly to me, but since marrying Ana, I had stopped paying attention to what hair color my female employees have. Still, I don't want Ana reading anything into this. She probably already has enough conclusions drawn that make me a shitty husband. Most of them correct.

I've spent all morning on conference calls with my mergers and acquisitions team and my environmental task force and I've finally come to an arrangement where I can work reduced hours, even from home, so I can focus on getting back to being a husband and a father. From now on, Ana will have all of me.

I can tell that she's hesitant to trust me and she doesn't feel comfortable around me, but I can only hope that giving her my time and effort will build back that trust. Maybe we just need to have an open and honest conversation where I can try to explain to her what the hell was going on in my head for all this time, and then finally we can begin to get back on track.

I'm grateful that she agreed to come here for lunch today. I'd do anything to spend more time with her and the kids. Last I knew, Phoebe and Teddy were both little monsters for peanut butter and jelly, so I ordered some of that and some salads for us.

Lena comes up on speakerphone. "Mr. Grey, I have Ms. Bailey for you."

"Put her through."

"Hey, hotshot. How's the groveling going?"

I had a feeling I was going to regret opening up to her. I sigh heavily. "She can barely stand to look at me."

"Well, you can't blame her for that. Girlfriend has got to have major trust issues now."

"I know. I don't blame her. But things are going to be different from now on. She just needs to see that things will be different." Who are you trying to convince, yourself or Ros?

"I really hope so. You two could be so great together. And… honestly, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here, okay? I know that I kind of ambushed you earlier, but whether or not you want to hear it, I care about you and I don't want to watch you ruin your own life."

I chuckle. "I care about you, too, Ros. And thank you for kicking some sense into me. I hope it was soon enough."

We say goodbye and Lena pops her head into the office, looking at me for permission to come in. I nod once and she comes up to the side of my desk to gather the paperwork with the new delegation plans. "Sir, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. I think it's admirable that you're trying to be a better husband."

She's leaning against my desk, almost sitting on it, which strikes me as inappropriate, but for some reason, her words soften my annoyance at that. She's looking down at me and smiling, and I smile as I start thinking about what my life with Ana could be like from now on. She lets out a giggle, and it occurs to me that her giggle is nasally and shrill, nothing like Ana's. Just then, my office door opens.

"Daddy!" Teddy takes off like a shot and hurls himself into my lap. I look up and see Ana holding Phoebe in the doorway. She's not looking at me, but at Lena, who still has her boundary-overstepping ass on my desk.

I quickly stand. "Ana. I'm so glad you made it. This is Andrea's new assistant, Lena Catton. Miss Catton, my wife, Anastasia Grey." Wife. Love of my life. So move your ass away from me.

Lena walks up to Ana, swaying her hips in an exaggerated way that only serves to piss me off. "Pleasure, Mrs. Grey," she says, with a hint of a sneer. Oh, hell no.

Ana looks down at Lena's hand like it has radioactive waste on it, but Phoebe starts to fuss and she uses the hand that's not holding her to comfort her, gently rubbing her cheek and hair. "Hello, Miss Catton," she says in a subdued voice.

"Lena, will you please bring in lunch for us?" I snap. She looks at me and nods demurely, then looks at Ana with an appraising glare. Oh, she is so fired.

Ana is not looking at me, as usual, but I drink her in like she's water in the desert. She's dressed sharply and professionally, her body on display in a tasteful way. She absentmindedly kisses our daughter's head, but her eyes are unfocused like she's lost in thought.

She blinks like she's coming back to earth and whispers, "Phoebe, who's that?"

"Daddy." She points at me and smiles and my heart explodes. Ana puts her down and she walks towards me with her arms out. I catch her and pull her and Teddy up in my lap, hugging them both to me.

Teddy begins to talk about cartoons. Lena comes back in with our food and I shoot her a glare, which she doesn't even see because she's looking at Ana sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone.

She serves me and the children at my desk, but leaves Ana's salad sitting on the cart and just walks out. Sweet Jesus, the only reason I'm not physically throwing this woman out on her ass is I can't cause a scene in front of my kids. Ana doesn't even seem to notice. She's looking at her phone with a little V between her brows, then looks up and sees that the kids are starting to eat. She puts her phone to the side and robotically gets up to retrieve her salad, before settling back onto the couch and taking a bite like she's on autopilot.

"Mommy?" Teddy calls.

Ana looks up and smiles. "Yes?"

"Come sit with us," he whines. Her expression falls a fraction, but she gets up and pulls a chair over to the side of my desk, near where Lena has parked her ass earlier.

She focuses on Phoebe, who is picking at her sandwich, and Teddy keeps me busy with rapid-fire questions about running a business. I keep my answers on a child level as best I can. Before I know it, the kids have finished and Ana starts cleaning up.

"Ana, Lena will do that." Please don't go. Please stay longer.

"It's okay. I've done it now," she dismisses, pulling wet wipes out of her purse and starting to clean up Phoebe's hands. "I'm sure Daddy has to get back to work now and we have to get to the park," she says cheerily.

Teddy immediately jumps up at this news and Ana helps him into his coat. I start to panic, trying to think of something to say to prolong our time together.

I can't think of anything. Fuck! "Ana?"

She finally makes eye contact with me. Her expression is blank, but patient. "Hmm?"

I feel like a nervous teenager talking to his crush for the first time. Her eyes hypnotize me and I lose track of my thoughts. "I, uh… I'll see you for dinner tonight."

She nods and looks to the doorway just as Sawyer opens it. The kids hustle over to him and Ana closes the door behind her without a backward glance to me.

I lean back in my chair and my hands begin pulling at my hair as I try to calm my heart rate. Then I abruptly sit up and press the intercom button. "Miss Catton, get in here. Now."

She immediately appears in the doorway with a mischievous smirk on her face. "Yes, sir?"

"You're fired, effective immediately. Get the fuck out of here."

She scoffs. "On what grounds?"

My temper is rapidly approaching a boiling point. "Miss Catton, may I remind you that there is a termination clause in your contract that does not require me to give you any explanation? But since you asked, I will not tolerate my employees disrespecting my wife. Your behavior was inappropriate and unprofessional."

She rolls her eyes. Actually fucking rolls her eyes. "Look, Mr. Grey, you don't have to pretend. It's no secret that you barely talk to your wife. You haven't been photographed together in over a year. I'm not judging you. And I'm very discreet. I don't care if you're still technically married." She starts to fiddle with the buttons on her blouse.

"Keep your fucking clothes on!" I grab my phone and text Taylor '911.'

She looks offended. "Seriously? Now that she shows up, you're suddenly Mr. Faithful? You didn't care right before she walked in."

Taylor opens the door and sees Lena with her blouse undone and me standing at my desk. To his credit, his professional mask isn't shaken.

"Taylor, Miss Catton's employment has been terminated. Please remove her from the premises."

"Yes, sir," Taylor responds stoically. He takes her by the elbow and sees her out as she shoots me daggers, closing the door behind him.

I sink back into my chair and try to swallow my anxiety. I resolve to focus on the few tasks I need to finish up so I can just get back to my family. The sooner we can talk, the sooner this will be resolved, and I might finally have some peace.

As I walk into the house, I'm greeted with a tiny two-person welcoming committee as both my children clamber to meet me. I scoop them both up and shower them in kisses, keeping Phoebe in my arms as Teddy drags me to the kitchen.

"We're having 'sketti for dinner, Daddy!"

"Teddy, volume, please," Ana says firmly, setting up Phoebe's booster seat at the kitchen table. She never did like to use the formal dining room for meals, except for holidays. She always said this felt more homey.

Teddy mimes zipping his lips. "Sorry, Mommy."

She giggles at his antics and I gasp at the sweet sound. I can't believe I've gone so long without hearing it.

She immediately tenses as she catches me staring at her and motions for me to hand Phoebe to her. I pass her over and Teddy tugs on my arm.

"Daddy, I'm big enough now that I use a reg'lar chair!"

I'm struck by this news. It's not surprising that I've missed a developmental milestone, but it dawns on me that I've always been there for Teddy's firsts. How many of Phoebe's have I missed? It's a heartbreaking reminder of the shit I've put us all through.

Gail begins to serve us dinner and as she leaves, I catch a moment between her and Ana. She gently pats her shoulder and gives her a reassuring look, while Ana attempts to smile back. I wonder what that's about…

I watch Ana when I can, but I can't think of anything to say to her. Nothing feels right. I love you more than life and I was just trying to save you from being with someone as shitty as me, so I froze you out and hoped you'd just forget about me. But I don't want you to forget about me because I love you and I can't live without you and I'm sorry that I tried to control everything and ended up fucking things up between us. Pass the salt?

Yeah, that would go over real well.

We eat and listen to Teddy's stories, and soon Phoebe starts to get sleepy. "I think it's bath time, babydoll," Ana coos. "You too, Teddy bear. Upstairs, please."

"I want Daddy to!" Teddy says, holding onto my arm for dear life.

"Of course, son," I whisper. I won't leave you again.

"Okay, Daddy will help you get ready for bed," Ana dismisses and heads upstairs with Phoebe in tow.

I give Teddy a bath, my chest throbbing as he tries to catch me up on what parts of his routine has changed, then he leads me back into his bedroom where Ana and Phoebe are waiting. He leads his sister over to his bookshelf and starts showing her options. I'm confused, because Ana and I used to take turns reading to the kids in their respective bedrooms. Why are we all in here?

"They started to have their story together in Teddy's bed. Phoebe is usually out cold halfway through, so I just carry her to bed afterwards," Ana says. I startle at the sound of her voice so close to me. I wonder if she means the unspoken implication that I hear. Because you weren't there.

"Come on, Mommy!" Teddy calls impatiently. Ana sits down and flips open the book as I stand in the doorway. "Come sit with Mommy, Daddy!" Teddy urges.

I sink down next to Ana, close enough that I can feel her warmth. I can't resist putting an arm around her and I deeply inhale once I'm as close as I dare to get. She still smells like heaven.

The kids must have had a long day, because Phoebe is asleep well before the book ends and Teddy isn't far behind. Ana closes the book and quietly gets up and puts it back on the shelf. She kneels at the side of the bed and kisses Teddy's head. "Goodnight, my darling. I love you so much."

"Love you too, Mommy," Teddy mutters. "And love you too, Daddy."

A sob escapes my chest as those words warm me from the inside out and cut me to the core at the same time. Ana extricates Phoebe from the blankets and exits the room. I kneel by Teddy's bed where Ana just was. He looks so peaceful, hugging his blanket to him and breathing softly.

I kiss his head and stroke his little curls. "I love you. I'm sorry. I love you," I whisper.

I tear myself away from my son's side and peek into Phoebe's door. Ana is stroking her brown tresses and whispering. "Goodnight, my little princess. I love you so much," I hear her say. I quickly duck into the next room, so she doesn't catch me spying.

When I hear her on the stairs, I go to Phoebe's bed and take in her already sleeping form. I lean down and kiss her, inhaling that sweet baby smell. "I love you, my princess. I'm so sorry. I promise I'll make it right somehow," I tell her, the tears running down my cheeks unbidden now.

I stop in one of the bathrooms and splash water on my face. This is it. No more being a coward. It's time to put your marriage first. With that, I go downstairs in search of my wife.

I find her in the great room, on the couch sipping wine. She's staring off into space, but her eyes then focus on me lingering in the doorway. She tips her glass towards me, asking if I want any. Liquid courage might be helpful, but I shake my head and fully enter the room, pacing in front of the coffee table.

I draw in a shaky breath and feel my hands in my hair again. My nerves kick into overdrive as the gravity of the moment begins to settle in. "Ana, this is long overdue. So long, I know that. I don't quite know where to begin."

She looks at me, her expression almost serene. "I have to talk to you too, Christian. I'd appreciate if you allowed me to start." She slides a large envelope that I didn't even see until now towards me across the table. "Please."

I look at her, the anxiety tightening in my chest. Her eyes give nothing away. I pick up the envelope and my heart drops to the floor when I read the first page.

No. Please, God, no.

"Ana…" I say, surprised my voice is even there. "Please don't do this, Ana. I can explain, I swear."

A/N: First things first: I know what you're thinking. Did she seriously just leave us on the same cliffhanger as before? Yes, but patience is a virtue. And I promise it won't be for too long. We'll have all the answers next chapter.

BUT... for once and for all, this is not a cheat story. Their problems aren't nearly so black and white. Christian's self-loathing is what led them to this point, but he was never unfaithful. His journey to understanding and unpacking that will be a major theme of this story as we move forward.

On future updates: my GOAL is to update daily, but like I said, I'm a grad student! Sometimes that won't be possible. I have a couple of chapters written in advance still, but if I run out of those, it will probably be a couple days between updates. I know how much waiting for a story sucks, but I hope you understand. I promise I won't forget about you. :)

Thank you so much for reading and I love to hear your thoughts!