Chapter 5: The Last Hope
"Hey," said the Honey Badger, "it's you, the new ones. What are you doing back here?"
"We were interested," Emmitt said, "I had a dream last night that involved you in it, even though I had no idea who you are or that this place even existed."
"Well," she said, "It stoatally exists. I gotta show you something."
She opened the door to a big room. It was full of conspiracy shit like posters and webcam feeds.
"What the fuck is this?" I asked.
"You see," she said, "I was a childhood friend of Nick Wilde. I also knew Finnick and even did some shit with Lionheart. They both get free drinks here."
"Alright," Ashkii said, "tell us more."
"Well, I learned one day that the Ovid takeover would be upon us. It's been rooted in the ancient times. You see, Zargothrax was a sheep, and so are many of the other rulers out there."
"Okay then," Weaselton said as he hit his blunt.
"I decided to go out and tell all the world about it once I knew that evil sheep wizards would one day stage a complete takeover. Everyone thought I was crazy. I was locked up in the mental asylum for weeks. Thankfully, Nick Wilde bailed me out. Now, he stands encased in stone, possibly never to return."
"Well, I guess this time you were actually right," Revi said, "imponerende."
"Once I was bailed out, I hid in this underground former mine, and built an underground following as well. Once the takeover descended over the land, I knew it was time to bring everyone in here."
"Ah, this place is like Minecraft," I said, "The nostalgia factor is high."
"Now, I have formed The Basement. Our goal is to rise back towards the top and defeat the evil wizards, restoring balance to our great land."
"Thanks for sharing," Corey said, "now we know."
"Fuck yes," squeaked Piper.
"Also, is your name really Honey Badger?"
"Yes it actually is," Honey Badger responded to me, "Not so good with the naming."
"Well, we also have something for you."
"I'm all ears and piercings," she was covered in piercings.
"Alright," I started, "Three weeks ago, all of my favorite singers went savage and disappeared. I soon realized that this was the work of Zargothrax Alpha Clone One. The wizard took us through the terrorvortex, turned Nick Wilde into a toilet, and revealed themselves to be Dawn Bellwether. She tried to kill us, but Odin McFluff intervened. However, Ashkii here dealt the final blow with her Hurdy-Gurdy."
"Completely accidental," Ashkii said.
"After we were all rescued and restored by Christoferret Bowes, we thought we were all done. Just under a week later, Aires invaded the city and targeted us. He brought a whole army of sheep. Weaselton called in the Hootswolf to defeat the army. When we thought we won, Ralathor the badger came up and told the Hootswolf a prophecy: give Aires a slight tap. Ralathor had seen 1 billion different outcomes and said this one would work. The Hootswolf performed this action and re-aggravated the army. Aires sent out a laser blast that obliterated the Hootswolf and turned Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde into stone. The great taming commenced soon afterwards, and I awoke from a two-week coma to find this tame collar on my neck."
"Ah, I always knew this was going to happen," Honey Badger said, "It was just a matter of time."
"And that isn't even the weirdest part," I said, "I learned that us, the Otterton family, were descended from the McFluff bloodline. Angus McFluff XIII was my great uncle and Angus McFluff was my 12-time great grandfather."
Suddenly, Honey Badger's jaw dropped. "Oh shit," she said, "you are the one."
"What do you mean 'I'm the one'. I'm a fucking loser 18-year-old otter that lives in my Uncle's basement."
"You will be the one, the chosen descendent."
"If you say so," I said.
"You know," Honey Badger said, "Angus McFluff XIII had no children, but his brother, Thomas did. Emmitt was one of Thomas' children, and so was Larry. His grandchildren are named Corey, Piper, and Alister."
"Yep," said Piper, "That is us. The Otterton Family."
"One day," Honey Badger said, "the one named Alister will rise up against this reign of evil and triumph. He will get help from a weasel, a fox, a beaver, a moose, and a wombat."
"Oh brennende kirker!" shouted Revi, "Weaselton she's talking about our own fucking band: Pels Raseri."
"Yes," Weaselton said, "I'm the lead guitarist, Revi is the drummer, and Alister is the singer."
"Aires is nearly unstoppable," said the mustelid, "He can't be encased in stone, ice, or imprisoned in any other way. The only way to stop him is by killing him."
"Oh fuck," Emmitt said, "That's a bit too far for my taste."
"You may think that at first, but you will all soon realize the truth. I wish all of you the best of luck," Honey Badger said, "I got some shit to do."
Honey Badger walked away. We left the backstage area and met Dashley by the elevator.
"She's crazy," I said to Dashley, "She told me some shit about me being 'the chosen one' and the one that will save the city, let alone the entire universe."
"I mean, possibly," Dashley said, "you're my favorite student after all."
"But I'm not a hero," I said, "I will go to hell. I burn churches and listen to metal."
"But anyone can be a hero," Dashley responded, "if they try hard enough."
"Yes," I said, "but it's hard to see myself in that role. She also said that the only way to defeat Aires is by killing him. There is NO FUCKING WAY that I'm killing anyone, no matter how bad they are. I mean, Bellwether's death was completely accidental."
"Indeed," said Ashkii, "I'm usually against killing as well."
As the elevator got to the top, we soon got off to see Finnick and Lionheart.
"RASERI!" Finnick shouted, "Give 'em HELVETE!"
"Best of luck to you motherfuckers," said Lionheart.
"Okay, even they are all in on this shit," I said, "I told you, she is fucking crazy, but she can fucking sing like a beast though."
"I never thought I was going to actually be a teacher," Dashley said, "but look at me now. Just like Judy Hopps said, 'anything is possible'."
"Alright," I said, "I can try."
I fist bumped Dashley and we went our separate ways.