Mr. Clean and Chef Boyarde
Author's note: ever sit in the dark in the middle of your room eating raw Impossible Burger?
It was morning and Chef Boyardee was awake earlier than Mr. Clean. He pulled out a tomato and slammed it into the clean man's face. "EAT THE FUCK UP! IT'S BREAKFAST!" He screeched at the top of his lungs. "YOU FUCKER! SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE DISRUPTED FROM YOUR SLEEP!"
Mr. Clean woke up screaming. "WHAT THE FUCK! JESUS FUCKING TACTICAL WHAT?!"
"EAT THE FUCKING TOMATO!" shrieked the Chef at the top of his lungs. "EAT IT NOW, BITCH!"
"WHAT?!" Mr. Clean rolled off the bed further breaking the already knocked over lamp and smashing items down below spreading the tomato juice and slime all over the walls, bed, floor. "WHAT THE FUCK OF A FUCK!"
"FUCK YOU!"
Later, Mr. Clean sat naked in a bathtub full of water sobbing. "I'm fucking bald. I'm BALD. I'M FUCKING BALD." He sobbed as the tomato juices fell into the tub. "I'm… fucking… bald."
Suddenly Chef Boyardee burst into the bathroom and loudly used the toilet to evacuate his bowels.
This severely enraged Mr. Clean - not only was the chef invading his privacy but he was also being gross. "OH FUCK, YOU DISGUSTING CHEF! GET OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE STINKING UP THE BATHROOM!"
"FUCK YOURSELF! I MADE POOP SOUP! BON-A-FUCKING-TEET." He decided to not flush to irritate Mr. Clean.
Hours passed and the two were angrily in the living room. "Well fuck, the only close by Walmart blew up. How the fuck are we going to get groceries?" Spoke the chef as he glared into space. "Fuck."
"I don't fucking know." Muttered Mr. Clean as he chucked a bottle of his product at the chef. "Fuck you."
It bonked off the chef's head and he exploded. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING HYPOCRITICAL UNCLEAN ASSHOLE?!"
"IT IS DESSERT FOR THE SHIT YOU SLAMMED INTO MY FACE EARLIER, YOU CHEF FUCK! FUCK YOUR TOMATOES!"
The two once again got into a brawl and knocked over lamps in the living room and broke the television causing it to erupt into flames. They slammed into the fireplace breaking the glass and then crashed outside their porch breaking down the door. They rolled onto the patio outside and then fell 15 feet onto the ground absolutely horrifying their downstairs neighbors.
The downstairs neighbors ran inside and called the cops. "There are two old scary men fighting outside." They told them.
Onward the two rolled on with their brawl.
Meanwhile, the Walmart was struggling to get back onto its feet. The employees were on temporary paid leave until further notice. The store was surprisingly being built back up quickly.
Suddenly, Mr. Clean and Chef Boyardee slammed into the building knocking down the structure with their brawling, punching, and rolling around. The two landed into the manager's office breaking the desk, slamming papers, and knocking down the filing cabinets spilling out the contents. The office was empty but the noises caused attention to the people working on the building to which they ran over and witnessed the chaos.
Immediately the building caught on fire yet again. The two rolled out the office slamming into the school supply section. "PENCIL TO MEET YOU!" Shouted Mr. Clean tossing pencils at the chef trying to think of a wisecrack but too angry to put any thought into it.
The chef ducked and immediately grabbed some Lisa Frank folders chucking them at Mr. Clean. "FRANKLY, YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID!"
"THAT WAS STUPID!" Shouted Mr. Clean as he ducted but still got hit by a folder getting a paper cut on his forehead. "YOU FUCKER!"
The two continued to fight and throw items at each other until the cops showed up.
Mr. Clean had enough and ran over to the tractor section of the store and hopped onto a Barbie jeep starting it up. He grabbed the chef as the toy car slowly made its way out the store. A slow car chase began as cop cars followed behind them.
The chase lasted for two hours before the toy car finally ran out of gas. Mr. Clean jumped off the tractor and made a run for it while carrying the chef over his shoulder. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!" He shrieked as he ran.
He slammed into a wall breaking it down and then he made his way back to their apartment. There was a draft in the air now that all windows and doors have been broken. Glass shards, food, broken items, blood littered the floor. The stove and television were still on fire but he didn't care.
"Fuck you." Said the chef as the two went back to the couch to sit there bitterly to watch the flames in their television.
"Fuck you."