I own none of this, and want nothing to do with it, including any and all characters and locations from the Touhou Project game series, which are owned by ZUN and Team Shanghai Alice.

Shuten-douji dropped down, as the power of faith and the divine had weakened because it had lifted him far too high up in the air, and then, he crashed into the ground. Well, after getting impaled on 3 bamboo poles, and coughing out blood, of course. No safe fall will be made in the presence of this man. (Higher than 10m, of course.)

After much twisting and turning, he managed to not look like an executed criminal from Ancient China. It took a lot of faith to close the wounds. He looked around to find thousands of bamboo poles and shoots.

-The Bamboo Forest of the Lost.-

He picked himself up. This opportunity was not to be wasted. He spent a long while cutting down bamboo poles with his bare hands, and putting them on his shoulder. A great pile of bamboo towered over any and all mortals in Gensokyo. Shizumu walked around in one direction in order to get out, as logic dictates: If you walk in one direction in a straight line, that's the easiest way out of a forest, but, hour after hour, it started getting dark. Must have been some youkai's mischief.

Suddenly, he turned to a light he saw in the dark, and headed towards it. A quite big building, which he hadn't noticed before, stood before him. A placque hung from the gate, saying:

'EIENTEI.'

He knocked on the door. He shrunk his horns back into his head, to seem a little more civilized than the person he used to be, or any other people of his kind.

A blazer-wearing rabbit-girl answered, and though she didn't show it, she was surprised by the towering pile of bamboo Shuten held on his shoulder.

"Please leave those bamboo poles behind you."

A horribly loud thump, along with the chirping of birds interrupted the silence, and he entered.

-Eientei, Bamboo Forest of the Lost.-

"Good day to you, miss. I am Shuten Shizumu, and I humbly seek someone to guide me through this inmense forest of bamboo..." he stopped for a second, and realised how late it was. "...or for a charitable soul to provide some shelter from the night cold. Before I forget, could I ask what your name is?"

"It's Reisen. Now, leave the mannerisms behind, we aren't that fancy. Let me find someone who can help you."

He followed Udongein.

As they made their way through the mansion, he counted an inmense number of youkai rabbits. Reisen stopped at a certain room, and opened the door.

"TEWI, HAVE YOU BEEN CAUSING TROUBLE FOR PEOPLE AGAIN?!" she suddenly screamed.

"YEAH, AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!" replied the small rabbit youkai, as she suddenly started sprinting towards the window.

She jumped out.

"Eh?"

Reisen followed after.

"Eeh?"

As the bewildered former oni watched the culprit of those hours of having to carry around a horribly heavy amount of bamboo poles and shoots disappear into the forest along with his bunny-girl guide, he waited in the room. A couple minutes after, a woman in a blue and red nurse's outfit entered the room, and closed the door behind her.

"Good day sir, I take it you were guided here by a servant of mine. Am I right?"

What Reisen said jumped out the window along with her.

"Yes, and I must thank her for letting me in. My name is Shuten Shizumu."

"Your surname is quite familiar. If I remember right, would you be related to...?"

'Shit. Time to bluff.'

"Ah, they do tell me that quite often. You see, my surname is not read that way. My family owns a quite old brewery, which was started by our family's founder (酒店 liquor store, shu-ten), after all."

"I do see."

'It seems to have convinced her.' It did not. It did nothing, you dumb idiot.

"Now that I have introduced myself, I ask of you to do the same."

"My name is Yagokoro Eirin. I am a hermit doctor (Lies!), and the owner of this abode (Say sorry to Kaguya!). What is your business here?"

"I have been looking for an exit to this forest for a couple hours now, and carrying an inordinate amount of bamboo was quite straining. I am quite tired, of course, and I am afraid that I will not get out in time to reach the village. Could I politely ask for some overnight board and lodging?"

"But of course. It is not everyday that someone is lucky enough to find this mansion after entering the forest. Most just die trying to find way out due to hunger and thirst." Morbid humor, ahoy! "You are more than welcome. I shall guide you to your room. Say, do you have any form of payment?"

"The aforementioned inordinate amount of bamboo is in front of your doorstep, if you're willing to take that."

"That is more than acceptable. I shall guide to to your room, seeing that both my servants have recently gone missing."

"Tewi-san jumped out of the window, and Inaba-san followed after her. I do not know what happened afterwards."

The door opened loudly, revealing a dirt-covered Udongein and an unconscious Tewi, who was thrown to the floor.

"Throw out the trash you have into a bin before coming home, will you?." said Eirin.

"Sorry, there weren't any holes in the ground big enough to leave her in which she didn't dig. I fell into one myself, in fact."

"Go change your clothes, wash yourself in the river, and leave Tewi in the basement. You are dismissed."

Inaba exits the scene after picking up Tewi by her dress' collar.

"Say, I am curious what everyday life is like here. Your servants are quite amusing, after all."

"horribly dulling." the nurse muttered. She was quite tired of her immortal master's hijinks, and couldn't stop herself from whispering the truth of Eientei's everyday life as Kaguya's servant.

"Could you repeat that?"

"Finding corpses while taking walks through the forest makes it worse than you imagine. Giving them a proper burial is quite time-draining, after all, and the death of a fellow (long nosed immortal moon hag www) human is quite stress inducing. I have developed an unfortunate numbness to it over the years, though."

'That is not quite what I heard, but questioning further seems like a bad idea.'

"Now, let me guide you myself to one of our guest rooms."

"Thank you."

Eirin turned around, and exited through the door. Shuten followed after.

The long hallways now seemed quite empty, different from the previously rabbit infested one.

"May I ask who lives here, apart from you and your servants?

A small glimpse of a beautifully dressed woman blinked before Shizumu's eyes, but it disappeared quickly.

'I'm sure I'm going to have to use one of my blessings on myself one day. It's practically inevitable.' Shuten distracted himself from the strange sight.

"The rabbits. You must've seen them earlier. They are currently in the forest, pounding mochi."

"It is not mochitsuki yet, though."

"Irrelevant. Mochi is fine to eat year-long, and someone has to risk their hands making it, am I wrong?."

"Hmm... Anyone el-?"

"We have arrived to the guest rooms. Please make yourself at home."

"Oh, thank you."

With a bow, Shuten enters the room. The tatami mat feels nice against the feet after walking on a much tougher floor without tabi for such a long time. With the sound of opening the closet, he laid out the futon on the floor, and he undressed. With only a fundoshi (and- wait, why is his sarashi on his chest?) on, he slid under the sheets. (The days of changing form as he slept must have drilled this horrible lesson into his head.). Slowly, he drifted off to sleep.

Scrambling through his memories, he stopped at one point, where a pink-haired oni girl stood in front of her... taller father. She smiled softly as she spoke, words distant from his memories.

Umm... wait, this scene is familiar-

No, no, no, no no

"Hey, is that...?" he asked to himself.

no no no no NO, NO, NO!

"Who is it, daddy?"

"It seems like some priests came to visit us."

The innocuous scene snapped to the dead of night, a blade shining in the moonlight. A high pitched scream came soon after.