A/N;; Another flashback in this chapter that hits in the feels a little bit.
I mean... I guess it all kind of hits in the feels, huh?

HUGE thank you's, as always, to so many new readers!
And hugs and gift baskets to any lovely commenters lately, honestly - y'all make my day!

Hope you enjoy this one!

CHAPTER 5: An Emotional Kaleidoscope

By the time Monday classes came once again, it was all over school; professor Umbridge had been appointed by the Minister to be the Hogwarts High Inquisitor. She had free reign to sit in classrooms and observe, comment, dictate what should or shouldn't be allowed. She started to put ridiculous rules into place. It was a power grab if I had ever seen one. I did my best to keep my head down and coast through classes, go unnoticed.

After my dispute with Draco a couple nights prior, I just wanted to focus on something that made me feel normal. School work was as good a bet as any, talking with my girl friends, too. As stubborn as Draco was, he actually did as I asked - we weren't speaking. I found myself less bothered by his absence than I thought I might have been. Perhaps my missing Draco came directly with being subjected to a different version of him. I didn't have much to think about and compare if I wasn't speaking to him.

The first week of it was easier than I expected. Even in the classes that we shared work space in, we interacted minimally and in a way that only pertained to the class at hand. I knew it was only a matter of time before our friends started to catch on, but I was letting it be for the time being.

If Lucy did notice she didn't say so, and I didn't expect her to care very much. As the month of September went on, she was spending more and more time socializing at the Gryffindor table. That meant that she and Draco were never really on the best of terms; whether they were arguing with one another or he was shooting her cold looks down the table.

As far as I was concerned, for the time being, what was or wasn't going on with Draco Malfoy wasn't my problem. I had acknowledged on more than one occasion that he and I were not on the same page in our friendship any longer - it was hard to call him my friend at all sometimes - so I needed to make that separation. If he couldn't make a better, more genuine effort with me, I didn't need to do that for him. That was that.

It was at night that it bothered me most.

Laying in the four post bed in the girl's dorm, it was easy to get lost in my own head. I often was the last to fall asleep - excluding Pansy who returned to the dorm later after her prefect patrols. I kept my eyes closed, hoping that it would enforce the concept of sleep, but it didn't work. It was in these silent moments, left with only my own thoughts, that the multitude of questions I could ignore throughout the day made a reappearance.

Did he feel it, too? The notable difference in us, in our relationship? Was it even possible for him to recognize it now if he hadn't noticed it before?

The real shift in our friendship had been in third year, when he acted out and played an overdramatic victim and expected me to simply be on his side even when he was wrong, and again that year when he put thoughts into my head that things could be different for us after Blaise had brought up his feelings for me. Fourth year had shifted it further; our parents choices at the quidditch world cup, Draco unafraid of what was to come while it never sat fully right with me, that stupid dungeon party after the Yule Ball.

We were all laughing loudly, the butterbeer and firewhisky heavy in our systems after the last hour or so of playing an embarrassing game of Never Have I Ever. I had learned more about Crabbe and Goyle than I ever needed to. Lucy and I had been positively beside ourselves with amusement when Pansy had taken a drink to wordlessly admit she had snogged someone in Hufflepuff while the rest of us remained drinkless that round.

Unsurprisingly, it had been Daphne's idea to have a little afterparty of our own following the ball. She had drafted Blaise and Theo into sneaking some extra butterbeer out of the decorated great hall, and her own hidden, smuggled in firewhisky had been brought to the table, too.

The nine of us fourth years were sat in the space we had claimed as our own in the half-circle of sofas by the fireplace in the common room, still in our dress robes. I had to admit that I was having fun; drinking with my friends was something that felt safe somehow at school, which was strange considering we knew we could get into trouble for it.

"We should play truth or dare now!" Daphne declared excitedly, shifting up onto her knees beside the coffee table.

Blaise laughed beside me where he had his arm thrown over the back of the couch behind me. "Playing that dangerously tonight, Greengrass?"

Daphne tossed blonde hair back over her shoulder with a smile that was meant to be coy, but just slightly missed the mark. We were all fairly well buzzed, if not drunk entirely. The rosy quality of the blonde's cheeks gave away just how much alcohol she had consumed. I was sure my glassy eyes and unwavering, lazy smile gave me away, too. We had all gotten a little overzealous in our excitement.

"I'm in." Lucy declared as she shrugged lazily. She was sitting on the floor, tucked perfectly between where mine and Blaise's legs hung off the black sofa.

"Me, too!" Pansy chimed in with a giggle. I watched her tilt her head onto Draco's shoulder and coughed around a gentle, unstoppable laugh. Draco seemed to catch it - sitting on the couch opposite me - and smirked crookedly across at me.

"Okay! First," Daphne clapped her hands together and looked around at the cluster of us before finally pointing in Goyle's direction. "This side and we'll go this way." She motioned absently before looking at Goyle once again. "Truth or dare?"

Goyle chose dare, unsurprisingly. I honestly thought I would be more surprised to find any of us choosing truth - if only to prove that we weren't intimidated by one another. Goyle went after Crabbe next, then Crabbe went for Pansy. Pansy dared Lucy to go into the fifth year's dorm and wake Montague by kissing him. Bold as it was, Lucy wasn't one to back down from a challenge - especially not one from Pansy - so she did exactly that.

I buried my obnoxious fit of laugher into Blaise's shoulder beside me when Lucy came back down into the common room with a scowl on her face.

"He thinks I fancy him now. Asked me to stay. Honestly." Lucy scoffed as she plopped back down. She shot a glare at Pansy for a moment, but then her eyes shifted to Draco next to the other girl. "Malfoy?"

Draco quirked a light brow in challenge. "Do I even need to say it?"

"Perfect. Then I dare you to kiss Talia." Lucy pointed between the two of us.

My eyes blew wide and I leaned forward to swat at Lucy's shoulder. She was laughing, however. Lucy knew that Draco and I had once been best friends, that he and I had grown up together. She was one of my friends who understood the most that things between him and I were complicated. She knew that I missed him.

It dawned on me after looking at Pansy that Lucy's dare had nothing to do with me. Pansy's jaw was tight, her lips pressed in a thin line as she glanced hurriedly between Draco and me. Daring Draco to kiss me was to get back at Pansy. So why did it somehow feel like an uncomfortable punishment?

Draco looked at me with the same level of amusement that had been present on his face for most of the night. He didn't move right away, however, and I took that as a sign he was waiting for me to say something.

"Fine. Let's get it over with." I huffed.

The circular coffee table was too wide to lean over easily, especially as short as I was, so I pushed off the couch and went to stand in front of the fireplace. Pansy's arms folded over her chest as Draco stood to join me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Lucy and Daphne had scooted closer to one another on the floor and were giggling with each other.

Bouncing from foot to foot, I shook my hands out on either side of me, puffing out a breath through pursed lips. Draco laughed and shook his head.

"What the hell are you doing?" He grinned.

"Shut up." I shot back, but there was laughter in the two short words. "Okay. Okay, let's go."

I had kissed a boy before, the nerves I felt in that moment didn't come from that. Even in the whole two times I had kissed someone else, it was enough to know what to expect. The nerves came from who I was going to be kissing. While the alcohol still in my system made it easy to find the humor in the uncomfortable situation, some small part of my brain remained logical - it was that part of my brain that reminded me that this time last year Draco had told me that I probably liked boys like him. Now here we were, a year later, about to kiss each other.

"Can you stop bouncing?" Draco snickered as his hands fell against my sides to halt me. I hadn't even realized I was still moving at all.

His gray eyes, typically so dark, so stormy, shined silver now in the flicker of the flames of the fireplace. The glaze of alcohol and teenage idiocy brought such a light to his expression, a happiness that I hadn't seen in Draco in a very long time. For the briefest of moments, I thought 'maybe this will fix everything'. Of course, that was mostly the butterbeer talking.

One of Draco's hands lifted from my side to the edge of my jaw. I realized now why I had been bouncing before; it had been to counteract the rapid and extremely present thrum of my heart against my ribcage. As Draco towed me closer, against him, I worried he might feel it, too. That hand at my jaw slid into the back of the curls Daphne had expertly rolled my hair into for the dance and he brought our lips together.

It was soft at first, almost tentative. Perhaps it was because of the tension that so frequently lingered between me and Draco that I expected something harsher, something explosive. Or maybe because it was for a game, I thought that it would be quick, showy, something easily forgettable. My heart disagreed with the idea that his lips being slow and lingering on mine meant the kiss was not explosive; I thought it genuinely might spring right from my chest. He kissed me so precisely, so deeply with the tilt of his head, that despite it being so slow I felt like I was flying fast.

His fingers flexed in my hair and at my side. My fists squeezed at the front of his dress coat. His mouth tasted like firewhisky and peppermint. There was a steady warmth to the moment that came from more than just the fire roaring half a foot from us. A pleasant, cool, tingling sensation lingered on my lips as Draco eased his away and breathed out an unsteady sigh. I felt dizzy even with my eyes still closed and I found myself thankful that Draco didn't immediately let go of me, unsure if my balance would betray me.

It was Pansy's short huff before shuffling off of the couch that turned Draco's head away from me. He watched the dark haired girl storm back up to our dorm room, but I was blinking slowly straight ahead at his chest. Theo let out a low whistle that proved to only further Lucy and Daphne's drunken giggling at the whole circumstance.

Draco finally dropped his hands from me and by some small miracle I remained standing. As I flopped down on the couch again beside Blaise - who looked his own sort of quietly amused at the whole thing - I heaved out a wistful sigh. I felt drunk on butterbeer and dizzy on something entirely different.

Our little game went on for a bit longer even with Pansy not so gracefully bailing on us, but my head was no longer in it the same. Hours later, after my friends had fallen asleep, and my head had sobered notably, sleep still wouldn't come, so I found myself padding out of the dormitory and down to the couches we had spent our night on.

Thoughtfully, I watched the dancing flames left in the fireplace. Daphne's flower hair pin was still discarded on the coffee table, the blonde having forgotten about it in all our ridiculousness, and the light of the fire caught it every few seconds to shine brightly off the golden metal. I hoped the warmth and the fluid motion of the fire might soothe me, calm my mind enough for sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, I thought of Draco. Thinking of him was a common thing that I did, but this was different. Worrying about him, wondering if we would ever be the same friends again, wishing he hadn't turned cruel; those were common thoughts in regards to the boy. Now all I could seem to think of was his hands holding me in place, his nose dragging against mine as his head tilted, his lips leaving that lovely icy tingle behind on my own.

I don't know how long I was sitting there for, lost in my own head, before he was joining me, but it surprised me when he did. I scooted further over on the couch to make room for Draco beside me. We said nothing for several moments, the both of us just staring into the flames. Not for the first time - and I doubted for the last - I wondered what was going on in his mind.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" He asked curiously.

I shrugged. "Sobered up too much, probably."

There was a huff of a laugh that left him and I finally glanced at him to catch the remnants of the lazy smile that crossed his features. It was gone again after a moment, back to the vaguely smug smirk that he always wore.

"Can I ask you something?" I spoke before giving myself the opportunity to back out. Perhaps in getting an answer to my question, I might find my mind more at ease. Maybe then I'd be able to go to sleep. Draco said nothing, but he looked at me expectantly. "That was weird for you, right? Us, kissing?" It wasn't the precise question I intended it to be, but his answer would still serve the same purpose.

Draco's eyes shined in the reflection of the flames he looked toward, that same bright silver from earlier in the night darkened once again. "Not really."

My breath caught in my throat and I held it for a few seconds as I stared at him. The hurried thump of my heart made a reappearance as he shifted his body to turn toward me. Maybe I had been right; my subconscious had written it off as just being a drunk teenager, but perhaps I had been onto something. Perhaps kissing Draco really was an answer to something, perhaps it would make the shift into repairing this untangled knot between us, move beyond that into something more, too.

"I'd kiss you again." Draco was looking at me so seriously, a sincerity in his gaze that rarely made an appearance in him now.

It was one of those moments where he reminded me so much of the person I'd spent summer nights awake with, talking about nothing and everything. Or the one who'd brought me sweets from shopping trips with his mother, because he knew I wasn't getting to eat them at home during school breaks during our first couple years at Hogwarts. It brought back to me the days that we knew what the other needed all in an exchanged look, because we were going through some of the same things at home and understood each other. He was just the boy I had grown up with, who I had gotten attached to and found safety and comfort in. He wasn't Draco Malfoy and all that had come with that self-entitlement since we had started school.

I pleaded with whatever universal force was listening to not let this get away from me. Not again.

Draco's eyes flicked down to my mouth before meeting mine again. Just barely, I gave a small, singular nod of my head.

This kiss was more of what I had expected the first time. Draco took the invitation to kiss me again, and he wasn't wasting it. His hand curled at the back of my neck to pull me to him, lips pressing harder to mine than they had in front of our friends. The firewhisky was gone, but something sweet mingled with the taste of peppermint as he kissed me and I kissed him. My hand trailed down the line of his jaw before falling against his shoulder and squeezing there when he sighed contently.

It lasted longer than the few seconds that felt like hours in front of our friends. The both of us held onto one another, kept kissing, as if breaking apart from this fluid, warm, deeply satisfying moment would shatter something. It was like this moment, this kiss, was the tape that would repair our shredded photograph.

I think it was that thought that had me easing back finally. The need to breathe was also prevalent. Draco's lips chased mine, head inclining forward to connect them again, as I leaned away, but then he caught himself. Once again, I felt drunk on something that was levels above alcohol. I had been sober when I had come down to the common room, but I felt the same dizzy I had unsteadily gone to the dorm feeling earlier in the night, even as I sat.

We didn't say anything. I think I was afraid to ruin something. More than ever, I had a slew of questions present in my brain, but asking them felt dangerous somehow. Draco not saying anything didn't make me feel any more likely to voice them.

By the time we finally were excusing ourselves to go back to bed, nothing had been resolved. Nothing had been decided. A flush lingered in both of our cheeks and Draco glanced down at my mouth once again as he told me good night, but that was all. As almost everything between Draco and I in the last three years tended to go, it was left unaddressed.

Sleep was difficult, and by the time I was waking the next morning, I wished I had a few more hours. Wednesdays were the day that I had Muggle Studies first period and in a bid to avoid covering my presence with my friends, I usually woke up a half hour before I really needed to. It gave me just enough time to be dressed and ready and out of the dungeons before anyone else was awake. Oftentimes I made an excuse about waking up so early on accident. I imagined that would only work for me for so much longer.

I stopped by the kitchens to grab myself an apple by way of breakfast, thanking the house elves who greeted me when I entered. It was rare but not unheard of for students to be there, so I wasn't worried about getting into trouble. I sat in a corner alcove in the courtyard as breakfast time came around. As far as my friends knew, I was probably in the library or something. I would deal with that later. I ate my apple and skimmed the essay I was turning in for the day on the key differences between Muggle communications and magical communications to kill the time before first period actually began.

As the first bell sounded, I headed back inside and toward the Muggle Studies classroom. My stomach plummeted the moment I entered the room, however. Her back was turned to me where I froze just inside the doorway, but professor Umbridge was up front, speaking with professor Burbage. I knew that with her new standing as High Inquisitor that she was sitting in for observational period in classes, but I hadn't given thought to her presence during this particular class.

How naive of me.

I stepped around the small, overly pink woman in order to drop my parchment onto professor Burbage's desk then hurried to a seat. My hope that Umbridge hadn't taken notice of me was shot as she turned to look over the classroom as students slowly arrived. Her eyes landed on me and a brow lifted in question, but there was a smug smile that curled at her lips. I felt incredibly unsettled by the look as well as the way that she quickly jotted something down on her clipboard after seeing me.

The class period itself went as well as poor professor Burbage could manage it with beady little eyes on her the entire time. I sat tensely throughout the class, as well, knowing who else was there. Umbridge interjected a few different times, asking why professor Burbage felt it relevant to teach about certain specifics of Muggle life.

After the fourth interruption, I was so agitated I couldn't help myself. "Pardon me, professor Umbridge, but the class is called Muggle Studies."

A couple of the Ravenclaws around me snickered under their breaths. There was a sickly sweet smile on Umbridge's face as she looked at me and tilted her head. Professor Burbage looked at me apologetically - though it wasn't as if she had made me defend her teaching.

"Ten points from Slytherin, miss Xavier." The sentence was punctuated with one of the pudgy woman's token squeaked hums. It took active restraint for me to not roll my eyes in response.

I was quick about leaving the classroom after that period, not wanting to get roped into conversation with professor Umbridge. Thankfully, the rest of my classes for the day seemed to be free of her. Even Astronomy that evening after dinner - the one day a week there was ever any class after the feast - she wasn't present for.

Dodging questions from my friends most of the day had been my focus instead. Between being missing for the earlier part of the morning, and then the sour mood I was in for a lot of the day after my first class, I couldn't say I was surprised. Daphne had been easily enough reassured by my saying that I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before. She even offered to help me with a charm that could help with pleasant dreams that night if I wanted it.

By some strange twist of fate, even the following day, I was not subjected to the obnoxious woman's presence in any of my classes. Not having Defence again until Friday afternoon, I didn't have to even enter her classroom. It was almost easy to forget entirely about Wednesday's brief altercation during Muggle Studies.

However, when the last class of the afternoon did come on Friday and I entered the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with Lucy chattering close beside me, I was reminded once again of how naive I could sometimes be. Because moments after I had entered the classroom, before I was able to sit at my table with a quietly broody Draco, professor Umbridge was calling me up to the front of the room.

"I'd like for you to stay behind after class today, miss Xavier. I think we have some things we should finally discuss." The woman informed me.

I breathed in deeply through my nose, lips pursing momentarily. "I haven't done anything to get myself in trouble. I didn't think I had detention, either."

"No, no, dear, not detention." Umbridge fluttered a dismissive hand and she fixed that terribly fake smile on me once again. "Just an overdue chat, is all. Understand?"

I didn't, but I nodded stiffly just the same. It felt better than arguing with her further, especially as more of my classmates were now present and watching our quiet conversation. Lucy and Daphne both had varying questioning looks on their faces as I headed back to my seat. Looking at Blaise over Draco's head on his other side, he gave me a nod to check if I was alright and I nodded shortly back to him.

"What was that all about?" Lucy whispered, having turned back toward me to ask. It was clear that she was concerned. It occurred to me then that I had never actually asked her what she had found out from Ron the night a couple weeks ago that she had mentioned the twins had detention with Umbridge. Great work, Talia.

I shushed her gently with a subtle shake of my head before shooting my eyes forward for her to turn around. The last thing that I wanted was to start getting the people around me in trouble because I hadn't managed to keep my attitude in check. That was my own problem. For a quick moment, I chanced a sideways look at Draco who looked away from me the second I caught him looking at me. He didn't ask questions.

The class session went quicker than I wanted it to, but I couldn't expect much else from a whole block of simply reading text. I hadn't been able to focus, simply making it appear as if I was reading the pages in front of me. I wasn't sure what it was professor Umbridge wanted to speak with me about. All things considered, I didn't think my snapping at her on Wednesday morning was an offense worthy of a full talking to. She had already taken house points from me, if she wanted me lectured further, she would have had to leave it to my head of house, right? The thought of professor Snape sitting down with me to tell me to mind my attitude was a laughable one.

As my friends were leaving the classroom to head to the Great Hall for the dinner feast, I stayed on my stool, waiting. Lucy gave me another worried look as she exited, but I gave her a small, reassuring smile. I hoped that it was believable.

"Ah, now. Why don't you come up front here, miss Xavier?" Professor Umbridge requested.

I was hesitant to follow the direction, but moved up to the front table after a moment. Her rosy face wore the same fake smile that it always did as she stood in front of me across the desk I sat at.

"I'm sorry that we haven't had the opportunity to speak before now. I'm a busy woman." She began. I wasn't sure where she got the idea that I had the desire to speak with her, but I didn't say so. "As you know, I'm now High Inquisitor here at Hogwarts."

I nodded wordlessly.

"Now it is my duty to see that Hogwarts maintain a level of order that the Ministry approves of. None of that riff raff you poor children have been subjected to for the last few years." She continued.

I truly had no idea where this was going, or why it involved me directly. If she wanted to assert her power in this new position she held, certainly she would have done so to a whole class of students, not just me alone?

"I'm going to need some assistance with that, you see. As High Inquisitor, I can observe, make changes, create new rules. However, I don't have quite the same input to offer as a student who is experiencing these individual circumstances."

Ah. "So, you're asking me to be a spy? Even at the expense of my classmates?"

Umbridge tutted with a slow shake of her head, but that terrible smile remained. "It would be for the good of your classmates, and for yourself, not at your expense. You'll see."

I rolled my shoulders back and lulled my head to the side on my neck. "What if I say no?"

The smile on the woman's face tightened, something menacing flashing in her eyes for a quick second. She was working to intimidate me, but it would be a hard task. She had nothing on the woman I lived with.

"I know your father. Works in the Department of Mysteries, yes?" It both was and wasn't an answer to my question and my eyes narrowed because I could see where she was going with this frame of thought.

The irony of her bringing up my father when asking me to be a spy was still not lost on me.

"Yes, he does."

She nodded knowingly, clasping her hands together behind her back as she turned on her heel to start a slow pace back and forth in front of me. "Does he know of your interest in Muggle Studies?"

It felt like ice traveled down the line of my spine, realizing what her question meant. She knew the answer already. Even not knowing of my father's dark allegiance, she knew at least that he wasn't aware I was actively taking that class. A Slytherin girl from a known blood purist family? It wasn't a question she had to ask, but she asked it on purpose. She asked it as leverage.

I squinted faintly, my chin lifting. "Are you threatening me, professor?"

She halted abruptly in her marching, head cocking to the side when she looked at me. How I wished so desperately she would stop smiling. At this point, I would have taken a scowl. That awful smile proved to only irritate me further.

"Not at all, dear. Merely pointing out that we are best off on each other's side." She crooned, pausing to lift her brows. "Isn't that right?"

My teeth ground tight together as I held back any response I really wanted to give her. Swallowing hard, I managed a tight smile of my own and a stiff nod of my head. "You're right. Sorry."

"That's a girl!" She tapped a hand once against the desk in front of me; triumphant in her use of me. "We'll chat again soon when I need your help, but in the meantime, why don't we keep this little partnership between us, yes?"

It was in my best interest to simply go along with her intent - whether I hated the idea or not. I had long since mastered the art of self preservation; it was a side effect of growing up with my parents. All that practice would not go to waste here. I relaxed my shoulders and gave the woman a more believable smile. "Of course, professor Umbridge."

.

"What happened? Are you alright? What did that cow want?" Lucy's hurried questions were paired with her yanking my hands from my lap. She turned them this way and that, examining them, as if she were looking for something.

After my chat with professor Umbridge, I didn't feel much like eating. If anything, I felt very much like breaking something, but I managed to refrain. Instead I had retreated to the common room, settling there with my sketchbook and pencils, outlining a rough sketch of a lumpy little toad that looked suspiciously familiar.

My brow furrowed as I watched her. "I'm fine. She just wanted to talk to me about the essay we did the other day." I spared a glance toward the table in the center of the room, finding Draco was sat there with Crabbe and Goyle - the latter two getting into a chaotic game of wizard's chess. Draco was curiously looking in my direction where I sat on one of the pair of green sofas by the wall. I did my best to ignore it.

Satisfied with her examining my hands, Lucy dropped them and then fell heavily onto the velvet sofa beside me. "Merlin, I've been so worried."

"Oi! What's with the old bat singling you out?" Blaise called from across the common room as he approached us.

Daphne and Theo came along with him, evidently just as curious to find out what had happened. None of us liked the woman - I wasn't sure there was anyone who did like her - so I imagined their curiosity came from wanting to know if she was as terrible one on one as she was in a class setting.

"We were just talking about an assignment I did." I lied once again. "She said she owed me a compliment but didn't want it to disrupt the class period." It was believable enough, I thought.

Theo looked the most unconvinced. Of all of us, he was the one most focused on minding his own business and getting decent marks. The rest of us had large stretches of time goofing off or getting distracted. While Theo was often dragged along for the ride, much to his dismay, he still managed to be the most serious about what we were actually at Hogwarts for. Realistically, if anyone would be getting a teacher's private compliment, it probably would have been him.

"You trying to be the next Granger or something?" Blaise snorted.

Daphne gave him a swat as she shushed him. "Let Talia be a good student if she wants to be. One of us should actually graduate, after all."

Theo scowled. "I resent that."

A simple three words, but we all laughed at them easily. Lucy was quieter than usual as everyone settled into comfortable chatter after the fact. She watched over my shoulder as I worked on my drawing, but I could tell that something was bothering her. She had been so concerned when she had rushed toward me after I hadn't been at dinner.

"Are you alright?" I kept my voice lowered so not to interrupt where Blaise, Theo, and Daphne were now speaking to each other about plans for when Hogsmeade weekends started up.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. I just was worried when Umbridge wanted you to stay behind." Lucy sighed, settling her chin on my shoulder.

I paused in my drawing, eyes flicking over the back of my hand where I held my pencil. "Why were you checking my hands when you came in?"

A flash of anger crossed her features as she leaned off of me and shifted where she sat. "Fred and George found out she's using Black Quills in detention."

My head swiveled in her direction, concern and disbelief mingling on my face. "You're joking."

"Wish I was." Lucy's tone was short. It was clear that in the few weeks she had been spending with the Weasley boys that she had grown close to them, fond of them. I knew that finding out something like that had happened to any of her friends would have made Lucy angry, so I wasn't surprised by her reaction.

"Are they alright?" As soon as I asked the question, I realized how stupid it was.

"They've got scars on their hands now of the lines she had them write. George said it stopped hurting finally after a couple days, but it's still on them." She shook her head slowly, jaw tight.

"Did they tell anyone?" I pressed.

She shook her head again. "After the fight between Umbridge and McGonagall, they didn't think it was worth it. She's got her tiny little fist clenched around this school already at this point, so she'd get away with it anyway."

An uncomfortable feeling settled in my stomach, knowing I had earlier just agreed to help this woman in some way. Her essentially blackmailing me into it didn't matter. I already didn't like her before today, between her treatment of me and this new knowledge, simple dislike was an understatement. I tried not to get ahead of myself in thinking of getting back at her somehow - that wasn't smart, I had to play things carefully. If she wanted to use me, trusted me enough to do so, even, I would have to find a way to play that to my advantage.

"I'm glad you're okay." Lucy sighed once again, tilting her head back onto my shoulder. "I really thought that toad was doing the same to you."

Something in my best friend's statement made me let out a notable laugh. She lifted her head to look at me questioningly and I moved my arm off the drawing I had been working on.

"Toad." I snickered.

Lucy laughed now. "It looks just like her, that's perfect!"

"What's happening?" Daphne asked, her curiosity piqued by the two of us in our amusement.

I turned my sketchbook around so that my other three friends could have a look at the drawing of a toad that looked just a touch too much like our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. The laughter I received was a nice refresher to end my evening.

The next day was the last Saturday of the month, and because Hufflepuff and Gryffindor had booked the quidditch pitch for the better portion of the day, it left everyone available for a much needed forced study hall session. Fifth year's workload was turning out to be more than most of us had prepared for, so a group of us had agreed that with a free day we would use our time a little more wisely.

Lucy had opted out; she was spending the day checking out what new products her two new friends in Gryffindor had created. She invited me to join them, said it would be fun and that the boys had been talking about cool fireworks to make, but I declined. Draco and I weren't speaking still, but I imagined once he found out why I had skipped out on study hall I'd end up on the receiving end of at least that cold glare of his.

I was later to the study hall room than my other friends, having to stop by the library and return one of the books I had checked out. Daphne and Theo sat beside each other on one side of the table, Pansy and Draco beside them. Across from them, Blaise sat alone on the opposite side. He glanced up at me with a nod in greeting as I approached.

"Sorry. Caught up at the library." I breathed as I dropped my bag onto the bench between Blaise and myself.

My eyes fell on Draco as he began shuffling pieces of parchment into a stack in front of him. It took me a moment to realize he was gathering his things. He mumbled to Theo about Potions notes as he slid a piece of parchment across to him in front of Daphne, but then he stood and left the room. I watched him stalk out of the study hall with a sigh.

Pansy was staring at me with her lips tightly rolled together when I looked back at the table. Her brow was creased downward like she was thinking about something - perhaps what she wanted to say to me. Ultimately, much like Draco before her, she gathered her things and got up to follow him.

"Okay then." I muttered under my breath.

Blaise looked at me sideways but I wouldn't look at him fully; I knew that he was undoubtedly looking at me in question, wanting to know what that was all about. At this point, my friends had been subjected to plenty of me and Draco not communicating with each other in the last few weeks. We had managed to not go marching out of rooms that we both happened to be in up until this point, however.

"So, do you want to let us in on it then?" It was Theo who asked the question, which was surprising. His being quietly studious definitely made him observant, but if I'd had to pick which of my friends it would have been to open the floor to questions about the ongoing tension between Draco and myself, it would not have been Theo.

"Honestly, you two have been acting so strangely lately." Daphne weighed in.

I didn't reply immediately, instead pulling out my quill and parchment to work on my Potions essay. Shooting a glance beside me at Blaise, I noticed he was busy scrawling away at whatever assignment he was working on.

"Didn't want to give your two cents as well?" I asked him.

He shook his head, not looking at me. "Staying out of it."

I should have anticipated that. Blaise was too good of friends with me and with Draco, individually. There were not a lot of times where the divide of picking sides was presented, but the few times it had happened, Blaise took a couple steps back. He stayed friends with the both of us, but coasted by not acknowledging the existence of a problem - because if the problem were acknowledged by him, then he would have to give his opinion. It was something I somehow appreciated about Blaise but that drove me crazy at the same time.

"Well, then," I looked back across from me between Daphne and Theo. "I'm not sure what precisely you're referring to, because it's not like Draco and I have been the best of friends."

Theo squinted at me. "The other day in Potions, you asked a question that he had the answer to written down directly in front of him, and he refused to answer you."

"And you're surprised? Draco isn't exactly the nicest person in the world." I pointed out as I pulled out my needed notes.

"But he's usually civil with you." Daphne specified. She didn't know all of the deeper specifics of mine and Draco's friendship, but she did know that our families were exceptionally close, and therefore we had been for a part of our lives. Daphne also didn't see the same problems in Draco that I could see, or that Lucy saw. That was just Draco to her; like it was expected, like his terrible attitude toward others and his superiority complex were simply personality traits.

I shrugged loosely with one shoulder. "I don't know what to tell you. I don't control how Draco acts." If that were a power I possessed, I would have a whole lot less problems.

"Talia, he left the room when you got here, you can't seriously be telling me you haven't the faintest idea why that may be." Daphne argued in disbelief.

I knew that she was coming from a place of concern - they both were in bringing the subject matter up at all - but I hadn't been prepared for it upon arriving at study hall. It was too complicated to get into specifics when it came to Draco. As it was, none of my friends knew of the moment that had occurred after quidditch tryouts, what he had said to me. I imagined that Daphne in particular would tell me that dismissing that was probably what had upset Draco.

I knew what had actually upset Draco was the fact that I had told him to leave me alone. I couldn't even say that I knew he was really upset about it, though. Upset wasn't something I was sure that Draco got about much of anything. Defensive, entitled, stubborn, sure, those were all things I knew very well from him. Hurting Draco's feelings felt a little impossible; he had perfected the talent of hurting other people, I think in that he had learned how to prevent himself from getting his own feelings hurt. Perhaps it was a far off assumption, but at this point in our relationship, assumptions were all I had.

"He seemed concerned about you talking to Umbridge yesterday." Theo pointed out and when I looked at him in question he shrugged. "He asked me if I'd seen you come in at all during dinner."

I hated the way that for a fleeting second, that made me feel hopeful. It never took much to hook me when it came to Draco. That was part of the problem. The bait was there and then I took it, then I ended up reeled in only to be chucked back out off the line again. The part of me that missed the friends we once were - complications and questions aside - so easily fell into that trap every single time. It was why I had asked him to leave me alone in the first place, so that I wasn't presented with those traps.

"I'm sorry if you guys are sensing an issue, but this is just the way things are." I offered an indifferent expression and another shrug of my shoulders.

Blaise sighed heavily beside me - his only, wordless weigh in to the conversation at hand. Theo rolled his eyes at me and went back to the assignment he was working on with a small shake of his head. Daphne continued to look at me skeptically for several seconds.

"You know," She started, her tone shifting into that gentle reprimand that often reminded me of a mother. Not my mother, but perhaps what a normal one might sound like. "The longer you let this go on for, the harder it will be to come back from."

I didn't find it wise to tell her that I wasn't sure there was a coming back for us anymore.