Spider Gwen Chapter 5.

Much appreciation, as always, to my beta reader.

As it turns out, finding a gang of criminals based solely on flashy LED lights is really darn hard. Especially in broad daylight. Especially when said criminals are smart enough to turn said LED lights off. Guess they rightfully feared their electricity bill.

"Any luck on your end?" I asked Parker as we regrouped on top of a community centre at the heart of Chinatown. It was such a nice view, but no purple lights or rocket shoes in sight. So much for getting Phin Mason's computer back, I guess.

"Nope," Parker said. "Chinatown's been pretty quiet, all things considered."

"Not many criminals target it?" I asked. "Wonder why."

"Lots of cops patrol this part of the city," Parker said. "And a lot more are getting lunch."

More food sounded really good.

"Still," Parker said. "If you don't mind, let's change out and watch the broadcast. There's a few spare TVs around some of the restaurants here."

I looked down. "What about this place?"

"They do have a TV there," Parker said, suddenly quiet. "I guess we can head there, if you want to."

I didn't say anything to that, but I hopped from the roof regardless, landing in an isolated alleyway. A safe place as any to change back into my regular-

Then a door opened in my face.

"Ow!" I yelped as I fell back, scrambling up to give the guy who opened the door a piece of my mind. I wound up staring into an unblinking Underground mask. Ah. I was starting to miss that neon purple look.

The guy probably had the same reaction as I did, given that he froze in place the same moment my jaw hit pavement.

So I took the first action to come to mind. I kicked him in the nuts.

Given the fact that he bent over and hit the ground, I think it went really well, not that I removed his mask to check his face.

"Pete!" I shouted. "Get back in your suit! There are Undergrounds here!"

"I'm changing!" Parker shouted back. "And Undergrounds? Here?"

I looked down at the guy on the ground, still clinging to his crown jewels, back up at Parker, then at the hallway into the community centre.

I did something pretty stupid and started running down the hallway. Into action. Except not really.

The hallway led to another hallway, this one just as deserted as the first, except it had three doors leading into the building rather than just one. Huh. Maybe I was wrong after all. Maybe the guy on the ground was someone heading out to his shift.

Then the door closest to me opened, and a guy in an Underground uniform came out. Since he wasn't wearing his metal mask like the first guy, I got to see his face when I kicked him in the nuts. Pretty boring looking Asian guy. Not too surprising for Chinatown, I guess.

And one who didn't seem to be too concerned with my foot connecting with his crotch.

As it turns out, he was wearing some kind of crotch armour, and the fact that the mini-spiders were in ballet slipper mode meant that I was hopping around on one foot afterward because my toes were screaming at my brain for all the bad ideas it came up with.

Note to self. Figure out a way to get the little spiders to create combat boots. If I don't end up eating lead.

The guy gave me a dirty look, then he turned around and yelled in a language I was pretty sure wasn't English. Shit.

Great going Gwen. Hopping on one foot against a gang of Underground gangsters. Just my luck. I did my best to hop away and make a run for it, but then the other two doors to my left and right opened, spilling out more Underground guys. None of them had even gotten their masks on.

Just my luck. I couldn't even pretend that I didn't see any of their faces. And my web shooters didn't have even close to enough web to get all of them.

I could see the headlines of my death now. Oh, how embarrassing was it going to be?

"Before you shoot me." I began to stall for time. "Remember that this is your community centre. You don't want blood on the walls, right? Bullet holes in the walls, ya know, that sort of thing."

Another skinny Asian kid was the only one to respond to that. He started by lowering the headphones on his head. And then he pulled out a handgun from his waistband. Shit.

Then he placed it on the temple of the guy next to him and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened.

"Your princess is in another castle," he said with a straight face before the other guys burst out laughing. "Relax, we're not going to hurt you."

"You're not going to shoot me," I muttered as I inched back against the wall, rubbing my sore foot and watching as the assembled gangsters laugh like hyenas. "Cool."

"Why would you kick someone wearing ballet shoes?" the guy with headphones and the fake gun asked, waving the gun at my shoes. "That's just asking to hurt yourself."

"Worked on the first guy," I grumbled, sticking a thumb down the hallway.

"Tommy?" One of the other not-Undergrounds asked, glancing down the hallway. "Poor Tommy."

"I told him that his nicotine addiction was going to get him in trouble one day," Headphones sighed. "Still, I didn't think it meant he gets kicked in the nuts by Spider Man- erm, Woman."

I sighed.

"Do you need, like, ice?" Headphones asked. "For your foot."

"Why are you guys dressed like-"

"Oh that," another of the guys muttered. "Intimidation mostly. Pretty useful for keeping nasty people out of the neighbourhood."

"That's…" I grumbled. "Clever."

"Worked as intended," Headphones sighed. "Until you showed up."

"Uhh-" a voice called down the hallway. "Gwen?"

Shit. I glanced over to the guys with fake guns.

"Friend of yours?" one of the other fake Undergrounds asked, glancing down the hallway. "Hey why is-"

The poor guy never got to finish his sentence, because Peter Parker, in full suit, launched himself at him, using his webs to launch himself at the hapless fake gangster.

The guy yelped and dove down, landing on the ground a moment before Parker hit the wall in front of him.

"Hot damn," the headphones guy managed to say. "There's two-"

He never got to finish his sentence either. Parker kicked him in the nuts, and this time, it worked.

So, two out of three.

There was a moment of silence as the rest of the fake Underground guys stood around awkwardly over the groaning form of their former spokesman, a moment before Parker webbed the fake gun to the floor. It hit the ground with a loud thud, so loud I was worried for the poor tile floor.

"Oi!" I snapped. "Let them go."

Parker turned to me, probably confused even with his mask on.

"They're not real Undergrounds," I explained. "The gun you webbed was just some kid's toy."

"We're mostly just cosplaying ok?" one of the other guys added as two of the fake Undergrounds carried the downed guy up.

"Why would you-" Parker started, facepalming.

"Look," Headphones, still in visible pain over his nuts, growled. "We haven't been protected since Martin Li went to prison. Underground shows up, we took it."

"You know those guys are bad news, right?" Parker asked him.

"You know drug dealers and pimps are bad news, right?" Headphones shot back, a scowl on his face. "You think we can keep a handle on that without people thinking we're Underground?"

"So what if he calls your bluff?"

"Baseball bats and golf clubs," Headphones shrugged, rolling his eyes as if the answer was obvious. "We have tools that aren't guns you know."

"Couldn't let your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man take care of it?" Parker asked, his tone almost offended, a hand over his chest like his heart was hurt.

Never pegged Parker as a drama queen.

Headphones looked at him for a moment before someone, a kid, burst through the doors behind him. One of the other guys, this one the one guy wearing his Underground mask, barked at him in what I suspected was probably some kind of Chinese.

Headphones added something too, and pointed at me.

"I sent him off to get ice for your foot," Headphones explained when the kid disappeared behind the door. "If you don't mind, we'll grab Tommy off the street."

"Don't need ice," I muttered.

"Too late for that," one of the other guys said. "You see how fast that kid ran?"

"He does track," another guy said. "You only do track when you're trying to beat the lunch rush."

"Guys," Headphones sighed, glaring at the other fake Undergrounds. "If you want to throw hands, take it outside, and maybe intercept the kid on the way before he wastes an ice pack."

"Sheesh," one of the guys said. "Fine, fine, lets go."

They opened the door, and I followed the group pretty slowly into the room behind them. It was a lounge, and a pretty well stocked one. Several sofas, a big TV, a foosball machine in the back.

So I popped myself onto the nearest sofa and put my poor foot on the coffee table. With any luck, I wouldn't notice the pain by the time I had to head out.

Headphones watched me as he plopped himself down on the opposite sofa. "You- erm, yeah, nevermind."

"You have something to say?" I shot back at him.

"I was going to ask you if you wanted food but I just realized that was going to require you to not wear a mask," Headphones said with a shrug. "Pity."

My stomach growled in agreement. Pity.

"Uhh," one of the other guys cleared his throat. "Hey Spider Man, how long does your web last?"

Parker was wearing a mask, so I couldn't see his face, but he turned his head a little, which really tells you all you need to know.

"We don't want anyone tripping on the gun, right?" the guy who had spoken up asked.

"The toy gun," Headphones interrupted, turning to give the guy talking a dirty look. "You know, the one webbed to the floor in the back."

"Yeah," the first guy said. "Sorry, the toy gun."

"Should wear off in a few minutes," Parker said. "If you want, you can go at it with a fruit knife or something."

"I guess I'll stand over it, make sure there are no… misunderstandings," Headphones muttered as he got up again, clearly annoyed he had to watch babysit his fake gun. "Alright. If you want anything, you know where to find me."

We sat there for a few minutes with the other Underground guy, now flipping through a magazine on a nearby table. I couldn't understand what it was, given the letters on the magazine weren't in English, so I went to the simplest conclusion: Underground guy was reading porn.

"Do you mind if we watch TV?" I asked the fake gangster, noticing a really nice TV sitting on the wall.

"You don't have TV at home?" he sounded amused, and put down his maybe porn magazine. "Guess being New York's professional protector doesn't pay all that well."

Parker laughed at that, though he tried to make it sound like a cough. "It's not even minimum wage."

"Saving the city from being blown up doesn't pay then?" the guy chuckled. "Maybe we could divert some of the budget to you, make sure you don't starve on the job."

"Would be nice," Parker said, his voice almost dreamy. "A cheque at the end of the month would certainly be nice."

"So," the guy said, picking up a remote next to where the maybe porn magazine was located. "We have the Stark TV bundle, what was it that you wanted to watch?"

"Well," I said, glancing over to Parker. "The Roxxon media-"

"Oh that thing," Porn Guy laughed. "The Roxxon people are idiots. As a matter of fact-"

"Reginald!" a voice snapped from the door leading to the back hallway.

Porn Guy turned over to the back door. Wow. His name was Reginald?

"You never-" Porn Guy started to complain at Headphones.

"Get the web off this thing, please," Headphones sighed as he dropped the toy gun onto a sofa. "It's going to look ridiculous if the pimps are coming back."

Porn Guy grumbled, but he stood up and stormed off deeper into the community centre.

Headphones sighed as he plopped himself into one of the couches, muttering something I couldn't understand.

"So, uhh," Parker said. "Could we watch some TV?"

Headphones gave Parker a look, but he nodded and picked up the remote. "What channel?"

"Erm," Parker started. "Which channel has coverage of the Roxxon conference?"

"Practically all of them," Headphones rolled his eyes before he pulled out a phone. "Not much else on TV, unless you happen to like kids shows or cooking with convicted criminals."

"Right," Parker muttered.

"Hey Headphones," I called, pointing to the mystery magazine left on the coffee table. "What's in that magazine anyway?"

"What did you call me?" Headphones sounded amused, and an eyebrow had gone up. "And for your information, this is a Korean sports magazine, from what Reggie tells me."

"Well," I muttered, suddenly embarrassed I thought the magazine was porn. "You never gave us your name so… yeah."

Headphones didn't say anything before he turned to Parker. "So Spider Man, why are you watching this stuff on TV? The rooftop door was still open the last time I checked. You could pop in and ask Roxxon a few questions yourself."

I felt my jaw drop and turned over to Parker. Parker had access to the building?

Parker didn't seem to react much. Probably the mask.

"The rooftop door?" Parker asked slowly.

Headphones cocked his head. "The week we were… initiated you broke into the Underground Hideout. You know the one."

"Hideout," Parker repeated slowly. Well, it was Miles who was in the city when so...

Headphones didn't say anything for a moment. Then he dived behind the sofa and started yelling in that language I didn't speak.

Shit.

I was diving for cover a second later, and I heard Parker moving too. No point getting shot.

"Headphones!" I shouted. "We-"

"Oh shut up!" Headphones yelled back. "Where's your third man? There were three of you in the garage!"

Well, it looked like they knew about Miles too.

Headphones barked something into a phone as we descended into a really awkward Mexican standoff. The door leading to the back hallway behind me crashed open with a boom, and I fired a strand of web at where I figured the guy's head would be.

I missed him and the strand of web hit the wall behind him. In my defense, it was mainly because the guy was crouching. I can aim, thank you very much.

And suddenly I had a laser sight pointed at my chest. Shit. Coming from a pretty heavy looking rifle. Double shit.

"I asked you a question," Headphones snapped right behind me.

Yep, everyone in this city was a ninja. Ninja accountants, ninja gangsters, ninja Spider-Men. Everybody except me.

I scrambled back in a crab walk as he pointed a pistol at me, one awfully similar to the alleged toy he had pulled in the back hallway. "Where is your third man?"

"Look Headphones," I inched away from him again. "We're here for Roxxon, not you."

"You think we're stupid?" Headphones snapped as I heard the doors open. More shoes. More guys with guns. And I had a nagging suspicion that they weren't toy guns.

"Roxxon almost poisoned half of New York," I shouted back. "You're all small fry."

Headphones snorted before he barked something in that non-english language again, and I felt strong hands grab me and hoist me up from the ground. "I might be a small fry," Headphones said, a smile on his face. "But you're going to be cold fries."

You know how I said earlier that this was a pretty stupid idea? Well, it turns out I was right.

And then someone hit me over the head with something heavy, and I was out before my face hit the floor.

To my surprise, I was a lot warmer when I woke up, and my hands were even free. These Underground guys sucked at taking hostages.

Then I noticed Parker standing up, talking to another person.

I squinted my eyes and shifted my head. Another bad decision, because the ice pack on top of my head shifted and crashed into the ground.

"Oh," a distant voice said. "She's up."

I strained my head as a pair of hands yanked me to an awkward position with my head against the armrest of the sofa I was on.

"So Gwen," Parker's distant voice sounded nervous. "This is Cap-"

"P. I." the woman's voice cut in. "I resigned."

"Right," Parker muttered. "This is Yuri Watanabe, Private Investigator."

I squinted up to the woman standing over me. She was pretty, and pretty short. But I could also see that Parker was clearly nervous of her.

"I heard you were looking into Roxxon," Yuri said, sitting down at the table across from me.

"Yeah," I muttered, trying to avoid the headache as I forced myself into a sitting position.

"There's aspirin on the table," a voice muttered behind me.

"Can't really take it with a mask on," I muttered back, suspecting it was Headphones.

"Clear out," Yuri replied. "You have three minutes, then we talk."

To my surprise, there was a shuffling of feet, the slamming of doors, then general silence.

Everyone, Parker included, had left the room.

Wow. Whoever this woman was, she could get Peter Parker and a whole room of armed gangsters to step out with only a word. That's impressive.

Then I noticed the two little gel pills, next to a glass of water. How nice of the people who pointed guns at my face. Twice.

I downed the pills with some of the water. It was tap water, but since I didn't have money I guess I would make do with the cheap stuff.

"I'm ready!" I called out as I sank back into the sofa.

There was only a single door opening this time, and I looked over and saw Parker, Yuri, and a scowling Headphones walk in.

"A minute and fourteen seconds," Yuri said as she sat in the chair opposite to me, with Parker and Headphones remaining up at opposite sides of the table. "Let's get down to business then."

"So," I said casually, "Who are you?"

"A private investigator," Yuri replied.

"Former captain of the NYPD," Parker added.

Yuri grimaced at that, but she only said a single word to that. "Yes."

"And our boss," Headphones added, his voice cold, as if he hadn't forgiven us for kicking him.

"You came up with the idea to give them guns?" I turned to Yuri. "Isn't that-"

"Gary here had joined up with The Underground well before I was called in," Yuri cut in. "I had no part in encouraging him to gather military grade weapons."

I looked at Headphones. He didn't look like someone named Gary, not with how he looked like he was going to murder me. "Your name is Gary?"

"Yes," Headphones grunted, his eyes glaring back at me. "What I said to you about our intentions remains true. Without these guns, we cannot keep other criminals out of Chinatown."

"Fight fire with fire," Yuri nodded.

"So what's your stake in this, Yuri?" Parker asked. "You said you would tell us once she was awake."

"An agent from the Department of Energy hired me to conduct fieldwork," Yuri replied, her eyes not really telling me much other than the fact that she was annoyed. "He was seeking information on the identity of The Tinkerer."

"We knew she was named Phin," Headphones shrugged. "It wasn't until the Feds got involved that I also found out she was related to the other guy."

"Rick," I muttered.

"Yeah," Headphones sighed. "Rick Mason, died under mysterious circumstances several months ago."

"As did a number of other individuals related to the Nuform project," Yuri said. "My role was to locate their relatives and interview them."

"Why you?" I asked.

"My employer indicated that there was pressure to drop the case from above," Yuri shrugged. "But he believed that the threat to public safety was too great to ignore, especially after the Roxxon Plaza meltdown."

Well, maybe this Feds guy wasn't so bad. Or maybe he was the only sane person in the office. Either option could be true, if dad's grumbling at dinner was true.

"So," I said. "When's the arrest? When can we see Krieger stuffed into the back of a police cruiser?"

"I have a separate interest in the case," Yuri replied, a slight smirk on her lips. "Remember the computer?"

I narrowed my eyes at Headphones. "You were the one who threw his gun at me, weren't you? Back at the garage?"

"How else was I supposed to carry the computer?" Headphones grumbled. "Guns all over the place at least would slow anyone chasing us down."

"I believe the computer contains a series of weapon caches scattered across the city," Yuri said. "It would be best for them to be destroyed before the wrong people get their hands on them."

"Weapons, more gear, cash too," Headphones shrugged. "We take what we need, and throw the rest into the Hudson River."

"Why toss it?" I asked, trying to ignore Headphones rolling his eyes.

"So none of my people get careless," Headphones scowled again. "We're just trying to keep Chinatown safe, not take over New York."

Shocking. First a creepy ninja accountant, now an ethical ninja gangster. What was next? A possessed ninja toaster? Actually, I didn't want to know. I had enough people trying to kill me after breakfast. No point getting breakfast into the mix too.

"I'll turn over the computer to my contact when we've destroyed the guns around the city," Yuri said after a moment. "But not a moment before then."

"We'll be happy to help you on that count," Parker said.

Great, being volunteered into throwing weapons into the Hudson. How did I get myself into this again?

"Did the Roxxon conference begin yet?" I turned to the TV.

"It never began," Parker said. "Postponed."

"Roxxon is running away?" I snorted.

"Roxxon is always running," Headphones sneered. "But that's not the point."

"About an hour ago," Parker turned to me. "The video from Phin's computer was released."

I turned to Yuri. She had the computer, right?

"No," she replied. "I did not send the video to be uploaded. Someone else did."

"Someone beat us to that garage," Parker said. "They got to the video before we did."

"What did Roxxon do?" I asked.

"Nothing yet," Yuri replied. "Roxxon HQ has yet to re-"

There was a loud beep that cut Yuri off.

"Sorry," Headphones muttered, pulling out a small phone, his face changing to a slight grin as he saw the screen. "Roxxon CEO launching an investigation into disturbing viral video."

I whistled as I glanced over to the little phone. Sure enough, there was a little message with even littler text.

"Has there been any info on Doc Ock?" I turned to Parker.

There was silence in the room. I glanced over to Yuri, now looking slightly more dangerous than before. Then I checked Headphones. His mouth had fallen significantly.

"Doc Ock?" Yuri repeated slowly. "He's locked up in maximum security. What does he have to do with anything?"

Shit. Me and my dumb big mouth. Great going Gwen.

"Doc Ock is leading Roxxon's Nuform recovery," Parker cut in.

I was going to give Parker a murderous glare when a lightbulb went off in my head. He was technically telling the truth. It was Doc Ock running the show. Just technically not their Doc Ock.

Clever Parker, I'm impressed. Why didn't I think of that?

"Are you certain?" Yuri's eyes made me want to melt into a puddle.

"Yes," I squeaked. "We, uhh, sneaked onto Roxxon Plaza last night and saw Doc Ock with a bunch of Roxxon guards."

Yuri said nothing, but she nodded. "Fine. If you can get some proof of this, I suspect we can leak it to the press."

"Regarding your earlier comments about being poor," Headphones said from behind me after a moment of silence. "Take this. Untraceable."

I looked over my shoulder to see Headphones pull out two thick wads of bills from one of his pockets.

I took a wad and tried to count, but I lost track somewhere in the eight hundred dollar range.

"I don't want it," Parker said.

I grabbed the second wad of bills regardless. Headphones chuckled and began whistling a cheery tune. Like the theme song of the obscure trivia show but with cheerfully murderous and aggressive undertones.

"If anything comes up," Parker interrupted, saving my bacon. "We'll be happy to help you out, just… no killing, ok?"

"Fair," Yuri said, tossing a phone in my direction. "Take this phone. I expect you to stay in touch."

I caught the little brick of a phone, but only barely, and I dropped one of the wads of bills in the process. We stood there for a minute before Headphones pulled out a little plastic takeout bag and put the fallen wad of cash in it. Then he handed it to me.

"Would you like that ice pack before you go?" Headphones asked as I dropped the phone and other wad of cash into the little bag.

Parker grabbed me and dragged me out of the community centre before I could give Headphones his just desserts, namely, kick him in the nuts again.

AN: Read, Review, etc etc.