A few days had passed and Baxter's mood was still dark. She was usually discreet, but everyone, and especially Anna and Thomas had noticed her being even more subdued than usual. Thomas had also noticed that Molesley had not been seen in the backyard for almost a week. That afternoon, before the gong, Thomas went outside for his usual cigarette break, and found Phyllis sitting on the bench, quietly crying. He approached her, and offered her a cigarette. She looked at it for a few seconds, hesitantly. She had not smoked for years. Since she had been with him, in fact. She thought that this part of her life had been buried for good when his trial had started and she had not had to testify. But it seemed now it came back to haunt her once again. Sighing, she took the cigarette, and let Thomas light it.

- So, Phyllis, he said matter-of-factly. What is it?

- Nothing that concerns you, she answered curtly.

- You don't think I've noticed how down in the mouth you've looked for a week? And that Molesley has not come to see you for about the same amount of time? What happened? Did he misbehave? Did he break up with you?

He had a hard time figuring Molesley doing anything inappropriate, but one never knew…

- No, of course not. Quite the contrary in fact, she reluctantly admitted.

He looked at her, puzzled:

- What do you mean?

She looked down for a moment, and finally said:

- He proposed to me.

He looked back at her, trying to understand how she could consider that a bad thing.

- And… why does that put you in that sour mood? I thought you liked the man? Although I never quite comprehended why… he mused. Don't you want to marry him?

- I do, Thomas. But don't you see? I can't accept him!

- And why is that, may I ask?

- I'm not suitable wife material. You know why… You tried to use it against me, may I remind you.

- Oh, because of that stuff with Coyle? But that was years ago! And, you already told him all about it, so obviously that doesn't deter him.

- But I didn't tell him everything.

- Well tell him then.

- I couldn't. I'd be much too ashamed.

- Phyllis, the man obviously worships the ground you're walking on. You could tell him you murdered your mother and father for money, he would still want you. So, tell him, or don't, but don't be silly and deprive yourself of a chance to get away from here.

- That has nothing to do with getting away from here. I'm happy here. Lady Grantham is very kind to me. But I can't lie to Joseph, and accept his proposal without his knowing the whole truth about my past.

- Speak to him then! repeated Thomas, annoyance starting to make itself heard in his tone. If he really loves you, he'll get over it.

- You make it sound as if it was easy…

Thomas rolled his eyes and concluded:

- We have to go, it's time for the gong. But please, don't be stupid, Phyllis.

He crushed his cigarette butt on the ground, and turned away. Finishing her own cigarette, Baxter stood there for one more moment, wondering if he was right, despite his rather rough manner of putting things. Would Molesley love her enough to overlook the despicable things she had done in her past?

x x x x

That night, Ana had managed to stay awake long enough to enjoy her late night tea with John at the cottage. Johnny was asleep upstairs, and John and she were sitting snuggled against each other in the settee. As she came closer to the end of her third month of pregnancy, she gradually felt better, the morning sickness slowly receding, as well as the crushing tiredness she had been experiencing in the first weeks.

- So, she started, sipping her tea, how do we proceed, to look for a hotel?

- Well, on our next half-day, we'll go and make a tour of the nearest real estate agents, explain what we're looking for and see if they have some things that could be of interest. We look through the classified in the local newspaper. We spread the word locally that we're looking to buy a place. If something does seem interesting, we go and have a look.

- I can't wait, she said, smiling happily to him. I was thinking, if we don't find anything in the Downton area, could we just buy a large house and turn it into a hotel? Create a new one from scratch?

- Well, that could be an option, but it would mean much more work… Taking over an existing establishment means it already has a regular customer base. Creating a new one is much more risky. That would mean the business would start slower, and we would have to advertise to make it known and everything. I'm not saying it's not possible, but it surely is riskier. And we would have to make a thorough market study to assess the viability of a new venture. I would prefer to take over an existing one, really.

- Alright, I understand. Well, let's hope we find one then.

Moments later, they were getting undressed before going to bed. As Anna was down to her shift, John came behind her and circled his arm around her waist, covering her belly with his hands. She sighed happily and tipped her head to the side, so that her temple touched John's cheek.

- Am I mistaken, he asked, stroking her belly, or is the little one already starting to show a little bit?

- I think it is, yes…

- It's much sooner than for Johnny, isn't it?

- Yes. But I think it's normal, when it's a second child.

- I makes me very happy, he said, making her turn around and capturing her lips.

With a saucy gleam in his eyes, he pulled her shift above her head, and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her closer. He bent forward and kissed her now naked belly.

- I love you so much my darling, he breathed as his mouth slowly made its way up until it came level to her breasts.

- I love you too, John, she whispered holding his head closer.

- So, he wondered, looking up to her, are we allowed to indulge into "marital activities" now?

She chuckled lightly and replied:

- I think so, yes…

Nothing more needed to be said in the next moments, as he lifted her and lay her onto the bed, kissing his way around her body.

x x x x

Anna and John were coming back from running errands in the village for Lady Mary and Lord Grantham. They had taken advantage of that outing to post some letters inquiring about a few ads they had come across in the classified sections, that seemed interesting. As they entered the Abbey's backyard and walked back to the door, Anna noticed Baxter brooding alone in a corner, as she seemed to be doing a lot lately.

- Go ahead, I'll join you later, Anna said to John, showing him Baxter.

- Alright, he said, and went in, as Anna walked towards her dark-haired friend.

Baxter's eyes were once again red from crying.

- Miss Baxter, are you in trouble? Anna asked kindly. Only I've noticed you've been very out of sorts lately… And we've not seen Mr Molesley around. Has anything gone wrong between you two?

Baxter sniffled and sighed.

- Oh, Mrs Bates, life is so complicated sometimes.

- Tell me about it, stated Anna.

- Yes, of course, you've had your share of trouble.

- What is it then? Does it really have to do with Mr Molesley?

And Anna sat down next to Baxter, showing her that she didn't intend to let it go until Phyllis had spilt the beans. Baxter stayed silent for a moment, and inhaled sharply:

- Mr Molesley has asked for my hand in marriage.

Anna looked at her, somewhat surprised that the news should cause such distress to Baxter.

- And… that's what is making you cry? I don't understand, I thought you two were courting?

- We were, and I want to say yes, but… there are things in my past he doesn't know about. And I'm afraid to tell him.

- Oh.

- I'm… spoiled, you see. Damaged goods.

Anna's heart skipped a beat as the word "spoiled" was spoken. A rush of unwanted memories coursed through her brain, and she needed a short moment to gather herself and answer to her friend. She put her hand on Baxter's and said:

- Phyllis… If you don't mind me calling you that?

Baxter nodded her approval.

- There was a time when I thought too that I was spoiled. And I was very ashamed to talk about it to Mr Bates. It was just before you came to the Abbey, and it was a very hard time for me.

Baxter understood what she was referring to. Even if things had never been said explicitly, she knew what had happened between Anna and Mr Green. She shook her head and retorted:

- But that's completely different Anna. You were forced. I was not.

- All the same, I don't think Mr Molesley would mind a bit, if he really loves you. That was a long time ago, in a different life.

- But I still bear the shame of what I did.

- Whatever you did, it is better to be honest with each other. In all the time Mr Bates and I have had feelings for each other, even before we were a real couple, we often kept secrets from each other and I must admit, every time it only made things worse. Now we have agreed to have no more secrets, and things are much easier. I wish we had taken that course of action sooner. So I can only advise you to do that with Mr Molesley.

Baxter stayed silent, looking half-convinced.

- Look at it that way, insisted Anna. Right now, you're both unhappy, and he doesn't even know why. If you tell him whatever it is that you have to tell, at worst, he will take his proposal back, and you'll be unhappy, which is already the case. At best, he doesn't mind, and you two can get married and be happy. Either way, you can't be worse off than you are now.

- When you put it that way… admitted Baxter.

- Think on it, Phyllis. Don't deprive yourself of a chance of happiness.

- Thank you Anna, replied Baxter with a small smile.

Anna smiled back warmly to her, and got up to get back into the Abbey.

x x x x

Late at night in her little room, Baxter was thinking over all that Anna and Thomas had said to her. She was slowly coming to the conclusion that she would need to talk to Mr Molesley and be honest with him. Although she still didn't know how she would gather the courage to do it. Maybe he wouldn't turn her down… After all, he knew about the theft she had committed under Peter Coyle's pressure, and he knew she had done time in prison. And he had been surprisingly lenient about her wrongdoings. Much more forgiving than she had ever been to herself. But what she had told, in her opinion, were the lightest of her offences. What she had not told was much worse. She herself had not yet forgiven herself, and still despised herself for doing it. But Anna's point of view made her way into her mind. Her friend was right, whatever happened, she couldn't be worse off than she was right now. She made a decision, to go and visit Mr Molesley next Saturday, if he hadn't showed up until then.

x x x x

- Good morning Milady, said brightly Anna as she entered Lady Mary's room that morning, bringing her breakfast tray.

- Good morning Anna, replied Lady Mary, yawning.

She smiled to her lady's maid when she deposited the tray in her lap.

- You seem in better shape lately, noted Lady Mary. Is the morning sickness better?

- It is Milady, thank you. I'm less tired. They say the second trimester is easier than the first, and it seems to be true, for me at least.

- I'm glad, smiled Lady Mary. And how are things going with your project?

- Well, it's… going its way. We're waiting for some answers. We have an appointment for a first visit next week. But it's a bit too far from here to my liking…

- Oh? Where is it?

- Skipton-on-Swale.

- Alright… You'll tell me how it goes?

- I will Milady.

After a little period of adjustment, Lady Mary seemed to have made peace with Anna and Bates's desire to leave Downton. She had obviously decided to take things graciously, although she was sad about it, and inquired regularly and kindly about their progress. Anna was very glad for that, for she would have been distressed if the mood of their last months in Downton had been loaded with resentment.

x x x x

On Saturday morning, after she had finished dressing Lady Grantham, Baxter came back downstairs and knocked on Mrs Hughes's sitting-room door. The Housekeeper was in deep conversation with Mrs Patmore, but let her in:

- Yes, Miss Baxter, what can I do for you?

- I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to the village. I'll be back before lunch.

- Alright, do what you have to do, answered Mrs Hughes kindly, before going back to her conversation with the cook.

Baxter turned back and closed the door. Yes, indeed, she had decided to do what she had to do. But she did feel quite nervous about it.

She walked quickly into the village, and to Mr Molesley's house. She stood still for a while in front of his door, trying to gather her courage. At last, she closed her eyes, breathed in deeply and slowly raised her hand, to reach for the bell and ring it. Seconds later, the door opened to reveal Mr Molesley, whose eyes grew wider at the sight of her.

- Oh, erm, Miss Baxter, I…

- Good morning Mr Molesley.

- Yes, good morning. I wasn't expecting you.

- I know, I'm sorry. I think we need to talk, she stated earnestly.

- Yes. Of course, please, come in, he said, putting himself aside to let her in.

She disappeared inside and he closed the door after her.

Sorry, I'm leaving you with quite the cliffhanger, but I promise you'll find out the whole truth in next chapter!