Disclaimer: I say it every time, and I'll say it again. SJM owns all!

A/N: Here it is! Chapter 5! I know I kind of left things a little hanging last chapter...well...at least you didn't have to wait forever for an update? Haha, well, enjoy! Oh, also, I through in another POV in this chapter. There is a section that is in Nesta's POV. So...I hope you enjoy that switch up!

Chapter Five

Azriel flipped through some reports on his desk. It had been two weeks since he'd been back to the House and he had a lot of catching up to do. He'd extended his last mission every chance he got until Rhys had practically ordered him to come home. He knew without a doubt that Cass had told Rhys that something had happened between him and Gwyn. He wasn't sure what all the female had told their friends, but he knew they were on to him.

When he'd landed on the balcony an hour ago, he'd been mindful to avoid all the common areas. He didn't want to risk running into anyone. Thankfully, it was the time of day where everyone should still be at training, so the House had been empty.

He sighed as he flipped through report after report, looking for his next mission. Rhys had told him to take a couple of days off, but that wasn't going to happen. He planned on leaving first thing in the morning if he could help it.

He knew he shouldn't close himself off from everyone, but he'd made it clear to Gwyn he understood her feelings. He knew he hadn't exactly left things the best. He had just left her sitting there staring after him holding his bloody wrappings. Throughout the entire two weeks that he'd been gone, he hadn't been able to get that image out of his head of her sitting there watching him leave her behind. He'd been a real asshole to her. He was male enough to realize that. But he was also male enough to stick to his word and be her friend if that's all she wanted from him. He just needed a little time to sort himself out before he could be only that for her.

He knew he'd have to be mindful of all the little touches he constantly found himself doing. He was always finding himself reaching towards her, touching her back, resting his knee against hers at dinner, brushing his hands along hers when they walked together. He'd have to figure out some way to stop. Not to mention, he'd have to get a handle on his shadows. They were constantly reaching out towards her affectionately.

He stood from his chair and grabbed Truth-Teller and his sharpening stone. He'd already narrowed down his next mission, so he might as well sharpen his weapons if he were going to hide away in his room until the next morning.

Gwyn and Nesta were in the dining room eating lunch when Cass walked in, seeming to be in a foul mood. Nesta looked up from her fruit and raised her eyebrows at him. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

He rolled his eyes and sat next to her, his food appearing in front of him. "Az is back finally. Rhys has been trying to get him to call his mission for days and he finally did. I was dropping off some stuff in our old room when I heard him in his room sharpening his weapons."

Gwyn tilted her head. "Okay, so he's sharpening his weapons. What's the issue?"

Cass frowned. "That's not the issue. I went into his room to talk to him, see how his mission went. I saw all the reports on his desk and asked what they were about. He told me he had been looking for his next mission already. Apparently, he's leaving first thing in the morning."

Gwyn's eyes widened. "What? He just got back! And he was gone for two weeks this time. Is this mission really that important that it has to be done first thing?"

He shook his head, spearing some fruit with his fork. "I doubt it. I think he's just looking for an excuse not to be here."

Gwyn put her fork down, glancing at Nesta. "Why would he do that? Because of me? Because of what happened?"

Cass shrugged. "He didn't say that directly, but he would barely talk to me. He didn't tell me what even happened between the two of you."

Gwyn closed her eyes and blew out a breath. She hadn't said a word about it to anyone even though Nesta and Emerie had been trying to drag it out of her for the past two weeks. She opened her eyes again and looked at her friend. "He told me that he understands that I just want to be friends. That it doesn't matter what he wants and he wants things to go back to normal. He said it's the story of his life, whatever that means. He didn't even give me a chance to…"

She looked down at her hands, clenched in her lap. "He didn't give me a chance…to tell him that I wanted more than that. He just left. Said he had a mission to prepare for. Just assumed that's all I wanted. I haven't seen or heard from him since."

She could hear Nesta's teeth grinding together from across the table. Before she got a chance to say anything, Gwyn shook her head. "It's fine, Nesta. It's done and over with. He just wants to be friends. I'll over it. If you'll excuse me…I didn't get a very good workout in today, so I'm going to go back up to the ring."

She excused herself and fled before anyone could stop her.

Nesta clenched her fist together and looked over at Cass. He shook his head. "Whatever it is that you're about to do…I highly suggest that you don't do it."

She stood abruptly from the table and marched from the room. She faintly heard him mutter under his breath, "This won't end well…"

She stormed down the hallway that lead to Az's room and banged on the door. She was smart enough not to just barge in, because who knows what he could be doing in there by himself.

It only took him another moment to open the door to find her standing there with her arms crossed, pissed. "Explain yourself, Azriel."

He lifted an eyebrow at her. "I'm not the one who just banged on my door angrily. Care to tell me what this is about?"

She pushed past him into the room, not bothering to be polite. He rolled his eyes, but shut the door behind her, knowing this wasn't going to be pretty whatever was about to happen. She made it halfway across the room before she whipped back towards him. "You know damn well what this is about. Gwyn. She finally just told us what happened in the training ring. Care to explain?"

He crossed his arms and stared her down. "I figured she would have told you two weeks ago when it happened. And I don't need to explain myself to you or anyone else."

"Emerie and I have been trying to get it out of her since it happened, but she said nothing happened, that everything was fine. And then Cass comes downstairs a bit ago all pissed off about whatever it was you said to him. You're off on missions constantly ever since this thing between you two has started getting more serious. The entire time you're away, all Gwyn does is worry about you. She tries to hide it, but we can tell. When Cass said you were going to leave again tomorrow, we finally got her to tell us. Did you even let her speak before you told her you were fine being just friends?"

Az narrowed his eyes, "Well no, but-."

"No buts. If you had stopped being an arrogant jackass for one minute, maybe you would have figured out that wasn't what she had come up there to tell you. And spouting off this bullshit about how it's the story of your life? You do know what that did to her, right? You just made her worry about you even more. And then you disappeared without a word for two weeks. Just to come back, intend to not see her, and then leave again for Cauldron knows how long. You are torturing her with this back and forth bullshit. You need to sit down with her, before you take off on some mysterious long mission to the ends of the world, and just listen to what she has to say. Without speaking. Do I make myself clear, Az?"

He just stared at her for a long minute before finally looking away. "I can't."

Nesta huffed. "And why not?"

He threw his hands up into the air. "Because! Because if I do…she's going to say exactly what I know she's going to say. Because if I do, it could ruin what we have, or had, I guess. Because if I do…" He looked away, biting his lip. In a softer voice, he started again, "Because if I do…I'm afraid I'll just get my heart broken all over again."

Nesta's eyes widened. "You really care about her, don't you?"

He nodded, staring down at his hands. "Yeah. I do. But I have a feeling that I care about her more than she cares about me."

Nesta shook her head, astonished at his admission. "There's only one way to find out, Az. And you can't keep doing this to yourself. To either of you. If you keep going out on missions like this with your head all wrapped up, that's going to get dangerous. Something is going to happen to you because of it. What do you think will happen to Gwyn when she learns something happened to you? Especially with how things are left between you right now? She'll be absolutely devastated and you know it. So, please, go make things right with her. For both your sakes."

He shook his head, not daring to look up at her. "She doesn't want to talk to me right now, I'm sure. I didn't exactly leave things the best. I've been gone too long. If she wanted to talk, she would have come and found me. I'm sure she's moved on by now. As she should. She deserves better."

Nesta huffed in frustration, rubbing the palms of her hands into her eyes. "What is it with you males and your self-depreciation? Why don't you let us females tell you what we deserve for once instead of you telling us what you think we deserve. For Cauldron's sake."

Az finally looked up and stared at her. "What do you expect me to do then? Just go track her down, tell her that I really like her, kiss her, and then we'll live happily ever after? I don't know if you've noticed this or not, Nesta, but things don't tend to go that smoothly for me. I've had five centuries for things to go smoothly like that and they haven't. I've stood by and watched while both of my brothers found their mates and the loves of their lives and are happier than they've ever been. Meanwhile, I'm still here, alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. I'm more than happy for them, but what about me? Nesta, what about my happiness? I was pining after Mor for centuries before I finally realized that would never happen. When I finally moved on, I thought Elain and I might have something, but then Rhys stepped in. Rightfully so, but that was over. Then…I don't know. I guess I just assumed I wasn't meant to find happiness with someone."

He sat down on the settee in front of the bed, putting his head in his hands. Nesta took a long look at him. She could see how defeated he looked. That's when she noticed the state of his room. Every time she'd seen the inside of his room, it had always been in immaculate order. Nothing had ever been out of place. It was always nicely organized and clean. Now…it honestly looked more like Cassian's room than anything else if she were being honest with herself. And that thought frightened her. The two brothers had very different styles when it came to how they kept their possessions. The state of his room alone told her everything she needed to know without the confession he'd just given her. He was absolutely miserable without Gwyn. He wasn't himself and it was reflecting itself in other areas besides just his attitude. That thought scared her more than anything. If this thing with Gwyn was leaking through so much and causing such an upheaval in his life that he wasn't maintaining himself and his possessions…what was to stop something from happening on his next mission? This thing…whatever it was…needed to be resolved. And fast. Before it turned deadly.

She walked slowly towards Azriel and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his knee. "Az, you are one of the kindest, selfless, bravest males I know. If anyone deserves to find happiness, it is you. After everything you have been through, you deserve it more than just about anyone. And you know who else deserves to find some? Gwyn. You're the one who saved her from those rapists in Sangravah. If it hadn't been for you, she might not be here today. They could have killed her before anyone else had shown up. It's thanks in part to you that she's made such tremendous progress these past few months. You really think she would have had the courage to go out into Velaris if you hadn't gone with her? She feels safe with you. There's a reason for that, you know that, right? Az…I am begging you to just go talk to her. Walk in there, tell her you're sorry for how things have been in the past few weeks, you're sorry about how you've been acting, and that you want to know what it was that she was going to say that day. And then actually let her talk. That's the important part. You will not regret it, I promise you."

Az inhaled a deep breath before finally looking up at her. "Why are you trying to help me?"

She smiled softly at him. "I have my reasons. Now get going. She's waiting for you."

He shook his head. "I don't even know where to find her."

Nesta stood walked to the door. "She's in the training ring, working off some steam. She's been there since before I came up here." With that, she slipped from the room and was gone.

Azriel all but ran to the training ring. He got all the way to the doors leading outside when he froze. He saw her working through her maneuvers and punches. He was mesmerized. He couldn't believe how far she'd come in so little time. She was truly amazing.

He was just about to step through the door and make his appearance known, when there was a light tapping at his mental shield. Rhys.

He let his shield drop just enough for Rhys to get through before the High Lord's voice flitted through his mind.

Hey, Az, I know I told you to take a few days off, but I need you to head out on a mission. You know I wouldn't send you out so soon if it weren't important.

Az pursed his lips, watching Gwyn from the shadows of the doorway.

When do I need to head out? And where am I going?

There was a long pause as if he were conferring with someone on his end.

As soon as you're able to grab your weapons and hit the skies. As for where…we need you to head to Hybern, fast. I'll fill you in on the details once you're in the air.

All of his senses went on alert. Hybern. Just when he thought they were done with that place.

I'm on it. I'll be airborne in ten.

He watched Gwyn for another minute, soaking up as much of her beauty as he could. He wasn't sure when he was going to see her again. And then he turned from the doorway, making his way back to his room to start preparing for his mission to Hybern, and away from what could have potentially been the best thing to happen to him in a very long time. Away from his salvation. He just hoped he would come out of this mission in better shape than the last time he'd stepped foot in Hybern. He needed to. For Gwyn's sake.

A/N: So, what did you think? Az is going to Hybern?! Oh goodness...what will befall our favorite batboy now? Stay tuned! :)