Chapter 5: Fuck You

"Suicide…?" Vergil repeated, staring sidelong.

Looking down, Dante yelled, "I was feeling dead inside! Every single day, I woke up to the greatest life in the world with no one to share it with!"

Vergil jumped a little when Dante glared at him, and then he tried to play that off, adjusting his collar.

"Trish went and got traumatized when my old broker got injured, so she left me high and dry. And Lady was just starting to double down on all this religious bullshit, so I rarely ever saw her, either. For the longest time, I was by myself, wondering what the point of anything was. I had no brother, no parents, no person to love but myself, and I hated myself."

Vergil was genuinely shocked, hence why he stalled in having something worthwhile to say.

Looking ahead, Dante somberly concluded, "I hated everything about my life…which at that point was just loose bimbos, liquor, and loneliness—oh, and the occasional decent job. Even the fun was starting to drain itself from demon-killing."

Finally, the Yamato-wielding half-breed sensed a return to balance, having heard his brother's often veiled fragility. He concluded, "Looks like you got over it."

"Yeah…with a drink to numb the senses, and, of course, somethin' pipin' hot close-by. Also…seeing that you were okay and living some goofy teacher's life in another world was a big factor. For once, I could just breathe."

Nodding, Vergil stated, "You'd be surprised how therapeutic running a dojo can be. Maybe it's a bit like running your shop?"

"Tch, that sounds a little different." He shook his head with a weary smile. "Before that mission with Argosax, I actually started flipping a coin to see which day I'd kill myself."

"I see." Though disturbed slightly, Vergil still asked, "Did it ever land on the…sui-side?"

"Yeah, once. I thought about cutting out my heart, but that reminded me of my teenage years, back when I was fairly brainless. And I remembered having a lot of courage then, too. I guess I wanted that back, because I never went through with it."

"That is…interesting. But I just want to point out, you could've hanged yourself."

Dante projected another gloomy glare, but that soon gave way to sunshine. He and Vergil proceeded to chuckle at his own expense.

"Hm…I eventually got a two-sided coin. No reason why, I just liked flipping—wait." Dante looked ahead. "The vines are gone."

Vergil admitted, "They've been gone for a while, now."

"Well, why didn't you say anything? Let's dig into some hell-fruit!"

Dante ran and jumped at the newly unwrapped produce, then unfortunately having his palm slapped away by one last sneaky vine.

"Ow! Hey, what gives?"

Puzzled, Vergil said, "Strange. I've never seen that before."

Trying his damndest to hack the fruit free, Dante growled, "If this is a prank, Vergil, I'll tear you a new V!"

"Relax. Maybe finish the statement you abandoned earlier."

Resting his sword on his shoulder, the younger son of Sparda animatedly recounted, "What, about the damn coin? I got a two-sided coin with the intention of screwing with people. I don't know…I liked being annoying as a kid, so I guess I was bringing that back, too!"

Smirking, Vergil said, "If I recall, I was the one who taught you your first set of pranks."

"Yeah, and I taught you how to run up walls—we're even!"

"Tch—I would've figured that out eventually…"

"Hmph…" Dante drew Ebony and fired at the stem. Behold, the fruit fell free. In fact, it bounced between the branches and collided with the ground below. "Holy shit."

"Has it even been an hour? Not bad, Dante."

-X-

Resuming their trek through the hell-scape with armfuls of the yellow star-shaped fruit, Vergil and Dante casually chattered about Morrigan while chowing down.

"Sorry to inform you, but if she's appearing to you at night, then it's mostly an illusion," Vergil broke the bad news.

"Aw, man. Well, honestly, I figured. But the fights were real, right?"

"Of that, you can be certain. An Aensland would never pass up the opportunity to engage in a thrilling battle."

"Good to know. I always liked testing her skills. She'd be the only girl who could fully test mine. Made me feel…whole. But man, could she flip on that crazy-switch."

"Yes, I recall she loved to spam that grapple technique where she drives people into the ground. Usually, I'd just let Wesker handle her," Vergil relayed. "Really made me feel like less of a man. And Wesker blew it every time, by the way."

"That's crazy—that must've been one of the few times Morrigan and I weren't on the same team," Dante pointed out. "I definitely get the feeling Capcom never trusted us feuding after all that time."

"Likewise. At least that spandex man with the claws offered a decent challenge. But you know what I feel would've been superior to three vs. three battles?"

"One v. one?"

"Or better yet—one v. three. I feel like I could've shown them my true power with those circumstances."

"And I feel like bangin' Morrigan in real life. After a lengthy scrap, of course."

Raising an eyebrow, Vergil stated, "I feel you're just saying that because you haven't officially penetrated her yet."

"I feel that's true, too. All those times I banged her illusion, I definitely had my feelings played with. And man, it's like I didn't even mind the feeling."

Vergil gave his two scents, "She's untamable. You're better off sticking with Lady or Lightning. At least, that's just how I feel."

"But I feel like something untamable is worth going after. I mean, Lady and I have fun, but…not like Morrigan. And Lightning's got some real perks, but…it's always been kinda 'long distance'. I always felt more attracted to the always-close and always-crazy Morrigan—"

"And I feel like that'll be a train-wreck, but you probably already feel the same way."

"I don't feel bad about…"

Dante and Vergil suddenly stopped walking, either twin seeing the certain trend in their conversation. Face infinitely scrunched up, the devil in blue asked, "Have we…have we been discussing our feelings this whole time?"

"I…feel like we have…?" Dante gave his analysis, then munching another pear, which, again, was star-shaped.

"Quite strange… I fee—I guess that talk from earlier has you feeling sensitive!" Vergil said this with an accusatory inflection, and also with waning confidence.

Irritably, Dante retorted, "I think we're both guilty! You more than me! If you weren't such an unbelievable jackass, then we wouldn't be stuck here in Hell, where I just got forced to spill my guts for some oddly shaped, yet oddly tasty fruit!"

For a moment, Vergil stood there. Then, he gleamed Yamato, saying, "Time to die."

Dropping the star-shaped bounty, Dante summoned Dante and yelled, "No, it's time for YOU TO DIE!"

And thus, the brothers quarreled, fully recharged of physical and emotional energy. It was pretty intense. Dante even Quadruple S'd a few times.