Here comes a very long chapter about Jenna's backstory (remember my little trigger warning in chapter 1).

I hope you'll enjoy reading and please let me know what you think... :)

Chapter 5:

The heart was supposed to be the strongest muscle. It pumps blood through the whole body, from the tips of ones fingers down to ones toes. The heart was important. Vital even. Without it there would be no life. It was relentlessly working without a pause.

In Alec's case, his heart had let him down quite a few times already.

It literally gave out more than once in the last five years. The overpowering stress of the Sandbrook murders and everything that followed it had made it weak and slow and at last it had forced him to rely on a pacemaker.

If one would speak figuratively – and believe in such hogwash – one would probably suggest that it has gotten broken by the exact same case. And permanently this time; Alec was sure. He wouldn't go through that kind of pain and anger again. The woman he thought he loved had been unfaithful and there was no use, no sense, in trying to find another one.

Why should he? His heart was obviously stupid. Too weak and – dare he say it – too delicate. There was no one in the world he could trust except himself.

But there was this Jenna Davison, who stubbornly attempted to worm her way into his heart.

She wasn't appalled by his defence mechanisms. Wasn't shocked by his cold-hearted demeanour and didn't shy back even though his clumsiness around people gave her much opportunity to back out. No, she stayed. She refused to see that he was broken.

Jenna was nowhere near to cutting through all the fences and self-protecting guards around Alec's heart, which is why after three dates they hadn't shared more than a friendly, awkward handshake. But, still, she stayed around.

Why? Alec couldn't possibly fathom.

She genuinely seems to like me… oh, bloody hell, don't be ridiculous!

They had been meeting occasionally for the past weeks. Daisy was positively giddy about it, asking way too many personal questions. Miller was curious, too; he has been a little milder at work now, apparently. But Alec refused to tell them anything. It was still too new, too fragile and embarrassing. He didn't want to break it already.

However, Miller did poke fun at him whenever his mobile buzzed with a new message from her. Which did happen quite often.

Since Alec wasn't comfortable with small-talk, Jenna came up with the idea to text more instead of calling and, he must say, he did enjoy that. At least now he didn't have to stutter like a complete idiot. Still, Jenna was a lot quicker and more adept with texting while he couldn't even properly look at his mobile phone without putting his reading glasses on.

Sometimes, he felt old with her. Not inappropriately so, but… there was a bit of an age gap. She was in her mid-thirties while he was rapidly approaching fifty. Twelve years separated them… just as long as his marriage had lasted. Fate? Coincidence? Alec didn't want to think about it and Jenna told him that she didn't mind.

Because of the practically non-existent physical contact and the barely-even face-to-face contact, it was obvious that they were certainly not at a stage of phoning each other in the middle of the night. So Alec was rather surprised when exactly that happened.

He startled awake from his deep slumber when his mobile phone started to ring. His heart was giving just the tiniest little yelp of protest at the sudden alarm, but nothing compared to how bad it had been years ago. Blinking and then glaring angrily into the darkness of his bedroom, Alec rolled over, cursing under his breath as he fumbled for the ringing device on the bedside table. A call at the dead of night? This can't possibly be good.

He didn't even look at the caller ID, sure that it was Miller or the station, and barked a gruff "What?" into the speaker.

"Alec! He found me, he found me again!"

The urgent tone of Jenna's voice instantly made him sit up straighter in bed. She sounded absolutely terrified. "Wha… What's wrong? Who found you?"

"Jack." she said with a fearful hitch in her voice. "My ex-boyfriend, he's been following me everywhere. I-I moved out so far, I thought… I thought he wouldn't find me, but he did!"

Her speech was rapid. Her breathing audible and quick. "Jenna." Alec said firm but calmly; it was rare that he ever used first names but in this situation he knew he had to. "Jenna, listen to me," he repeated. "I will drive over as fast as I can. Are you in any danger right now?"

"No…" she paused, obviously trying to calm her breaths. Alec could hear her walking through her flat. "No, you don't have to come over. He's… he's gone now. But he was at my door, waking me up and when I opened... t-there was this card." She was getting upset again; Alec clearly heard her sob. "I'm sorry I woke you, I just… I-I was so scared, all of a sudden, and y-you're the only policeman I know here a-and-"

"Jenna, it's fine. You don't have to apologize for anything." Alec assured her. He was already sitting at the edge of his bed, reaching for his clothes. "Are you sure you don't want me to come over? I don't mind."

"No, I'm alright now, just… a bit shaky. Really." she said. "He… he won't come in. He's not allowed to but that has never stopped him from letting me know that he's there." Jenna explained.

Alec frowned in deep concern. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." she was calmer now, probably a bit embarrassed, too. "I'm fine. I promise."

His frown didn't lessen and he became angry at the thought that someone had scared the brazen Jenna this much. "What did he do to you?" he asked with a low growl.

There was a long span of silence at the other end of the line. Breathing, stutters, sighs. Then a really small, quiet voice that Alec hadn't associated with Jenna until now. "He's been abusive."

It sounded like she was actually ashamed about that. As if she was blaming herself. Alec's anger rose rapidly.

"I tried to get a restraining order, but he rejected all charges." she continued in that same small voice. "Apparently, there's not enough conclusive evidence. But he can't contact me directly, so… I moved away, hoping he wouldn't find me ever again."

"But he did." muttered Alec, gripping the phone tensely in his hand.

"Yes." she whispered. "I'm sure, it's him."

Alec breathed through his nose, forcing himself not to rant and swear. "Jenna, I want you to lock all doors and stay away from the windows. Don't go outside under any circumstances. I'm sending a police car to patrol the area for the night and tomorrow morning I want you to come straight to the station and we'll sort this out."

"Alec, it's… I'm okay, you don't-"

"I wasn't asking." he said finally. Jenna didn't say anything for a while and neither did he. For a moment he thought she would actually fight him on this but then he heard a small sigh.

"Alright."

He nodded his head to himself, only slightly calming down. "Good. And if you feel unsafe, if there's anything… anything at all… you'll call me. I have my mobile right next to me the whole time."

"I will." she said, a shiver in her voice. "Thank you." she whispered even softer.

Alec didn't even know why she was thanking him. Of course he would help her. Of course! It was his bloody job to protect people like her. Why does it always have to be the really good people with the bloody bad experiences?

"Alright. Go to sleep now. Rest. I see you tomorrow." Alec said.

He hung up, sitting and staring ahead for a minute. He had had cases of domestic violence before and even though his anger at those violent bastards did fuel his determination of protecting the victims, it primary had been just a case. What he felt now, however, was more than just anger.

His heart was pumping rapidly.

Alec knew he wouldn't sleep a wink tonight.

His trademark tension at the workplace, the grouchiness and his short fuse was back full force the next day.

Alec was the first one at the station and he curtly briefed Miller about what had happened last night before she could even say good morning. He also informed her that she would sit in with him when he interviewed Jenna as soon as she'd arrive.

Miller carefully reminded him that he should probably not work on this case since he was personally involved, but he shut her up quickly. They had been on three dates; Alec had seen random town people more often than he'd seen her. He bloody will work on this case and if Miller would breathe a word of this to the Superintendent she would be done here.

Alec had to admit, that last one was kind of an empty threat. If he would really lose control during this case then it was Miller's duty to report him; he would expect nothing less of her and she knew that. But for the moment, she did take the order with a stern glare.

Then Alec proceeded to nervously pace his office, snap at co-workers and aimlessly check the police records for a case of abuse involving someone named Jack. He knew it was useless with just a first name, but he needed something to do while he was waiting.

His mind was cruelly taunting him.

Ever since he hung up the phone last night, a voice inside was berating him that he should have seen this coming. Shit was drawn to him inevitably. He could never be happy, he could never just live a normal, boring life without drama or death or violence. It was him who dragged people down. He should've stayed alone and unattached; it would've saved him this kind of fear.

Finally, a PC stationed at the door escorted Jenna upstairs, through the big room and to his office; Alec saw her through the glass. He jumped to his feet, a little bit of tension melting away upon seeing that she was fine and seemingly unharmed.

He pulled his door open and stepped outside to meet her. "Jenna." he said, relief evident in his voice.

"Hi." she said sheepishly, clutching her jacket to her chest as if to protect herself.

She tensed a bit in surprise when Alec touched her upper arm in greeting and steered her a few steps over to Miller's desk. It stupefied him, too; usually any kind of tactile contact made him want to jump out of his skin and back off immediately. Yet he initiated this.

"Good that you're here. This is DS Miller…" he introduced when his partner stood up from her chair. "I already informed her of what you told me. She'll be in on this."

"Hi, please, call me Ellie." Miller smiled kind and effortlessly and stretched out her hand for Jenna to shake.

She took it. "I'm Jenna."

Miller smiled a little brighter. "Yes, I know. I heard about you. Not that he has told me much."

She waved a dismissive hand in Alec's general direction and Jenna had to chuckle a bit. Alec could see her shoulders relax and he was actually a little jealous of how easily Miller could accomplish that. Practically every person they met immediately felt comfortable in her company. But Alec should be glad; it meant he didn't have to try so hard.

"Come on, I'll show you where we can sit down and chat while Hardy gets us some tea. He makes a good strong tea." Miller said, leading Jenna away.

"Oi, why don't you take care of the tea for once?" Alec protested with his best stern superior glare.

Miller made a face. "And let you do the talking? I don't think so, sir." Jenna grinned again. "Let her acclimatise to this uncomfortable place first before you bombard her with your questions, will you? I promise I'll be nice." she grinned teasingly.

Alec's breath left him with a slight grumble, cursing Miller silently for making him look stupid. He hated leaving Jenna alone with her. Not because he didn't trust Miller to make her feel comfortable – she was obviously better at that than him – but because he knew for sure that she would use this opportunity to ask personal questions about him. Questions he probably wouldn't approve of.

But since he ultimately couldn't do much about Miller's devious plot, Alec abruptly turned away without another word and tended to the tea as asked.

He finally entered the interview room Miller had chosen for their conversation and found the two women quietly giggling together. Of course, the laughter died down as soon as they saw him. Alec ground his teeth but refused to let it show just how much it annoyed him. He put the tea on the table and slid it noticeably close to Jenna. Despite the brave face she put on, she did immediately grab for this lifeline and cradled the warm cup between her hands, smiling thankfully at him.

Alec nodded and sat down across from her, forgoing a cuppa for himself so he'd have his hands free to take notes. Miller sat between them at the short end of the table; that way she'd be close if giving comfort was necessary.

Yes, it's better that way, Alec convinced himself. She'd be better at calming her.

"Ms. Davison," he started formally which earned him a puzzled look from Jenna. "I can imagine that it must be hard to talk about it, but, please, tell us again what happened yesterday and how it came to this." The brave smile disappeared completely and Alec hated himself for it. Jenna looked down into the steam of her tea cup and reluctantly started to talk.

"Two years ago in London… I filed for a restraining order against my then boyfriend…" she stopped herself and her whole body seemed to shudder. "M-My fiancé even… Jack Mason. We've been together for... f-four years…" she paused again while an obviously dark time of her life seemed to pass in front of her eyes in fast motion. "O-One of them engaged, but I kept pushing the wedding date back because I finally…" she laughed humourlessly at herself. "Finally… began to have doubts about him."

Miller already looked like she was ready to cry; she always empathized much too strongly with the victims for Alec's liking. It would make her sick in the long run. Like him. She still needed to learn to build some distance to protect herself from going crazy. Alec was staring stoically at Jenna, trying and, for once, failing to do exactly that.

Jenna continued, not looking up from her tea. "My friends back then had always warned me of him. They never liked Jack. They saw him for who he was… only I didn't." she snorted again, but it was only to cover a sob. "They always told me how observant I was, how good at reading people, but I never realized what Jack was doing to me."

She had to stop again to wipe angry tears from her eyes. Alec's heart was clenching, but visibly he only clenched his pen. Miller reached over to stroke Jenna's arm. "What did he do?" Alec asked, leaning further over the table. His voice was as soft as it could get, but pressing still.

"He… h-he alienated me… from my family, from all of my friends who didn't like him. Just gradually, so I wouldn't notice. Came up with excuses, kept me busy, but never with the things I really wanted to do. He had complete control over me and I-I was just… a stupid marionette on a string. Dancing for him!"

Her voice broke out, her breathing quickened. Alec had pushed his left hand over the table before he noticed what he was doing. And before he could draw back Jenna was already holding on to him, squeezing his hand with hers, still not making eye contact. Alec could feel how all-consuming shame was tormenting her. The voices that were telling her that she should have been smarter, should have been less naive, should have been braver. Alec could hear her voices; he had such, too.

"He didn't lay hand on me until the last year we've been together." Jenna said. "I mean, he always had a bit of a temper but he made sure I wouldn't leave him over it. Always apologizing and making up for his mistakes. But when I started to move the wedding date back, because… there was this small voice inside of me, trying to make me see that he was dangerous… then it was too late."

Jenna drew her hand back, also shied away from Miller's touch and leaned far back in her chair with her arms hugging herself protectively. "Then the yelling and the accusations started. He thought I was cheating. He couldn't think of another reason why I began avoiding him. A-And then there were shoves… and… and slaps and foul words. But it never left visible, long-lasting... scars… not until the day I broke the engagement."

Alec inhaled deeply. He wanted to scream as he noticed how Jenna subconsciously pulled at one of her long sleeves at the word scars. Miller caught his dark, raging look. She noticed it, too. Alec gave her the bare minimum of a nod and she swallowed, keeping quiet. He would deal with this later. Now they just needed to let Jenna speak.

"I stayed with a friend after that." she breathed out quietly, shivering as if cold. "But he always came to her house, too, demanding that I return with him. My friend helped me to find the courage to ask for the restraining order, but all they got him to sign was that he won't contact me directly anymore and keep his distance. Jack's father has a law firm and I didn't have any evidence that would suggest that he was a serious threat to me. His lawyers even found ways to fight the… the only e-evidence that I did have."

By now, Jenna had curled up so small around herself that she seemed to melt into the uncomfortable, grey chair she sat upon. A shadow of the strong, independent woman she apparently forced herself to become after this ordeal. Alec wondered if he could ever see her like that again now that he knew the truth. Would she ever truly be strong again?

"Eventually I had to move away from my friend because Jack kept following us both. I couldn't have her live in fear, too. So I moved farther and farther out, but he kept finding me. Always staying in the shadows or hiding behind the anonymity of a greeting card so he couldn't be charged, but I knew… I knew it was him." Jenna haltingly reached for her jacket that hung over the back of the chair and slid a small card over the table. Alec tucked it open with the end of his pen. Only pre-printed words looked back at him, seemingly innocent:

I miss you.

"Fucking bastard." The curse slipped out of him involuntarily, but it made Jenna look up for the first time. Her eyes were dull and empty. Nothing of the fiery green spark was left. Only muddy brown. But his anger seemed to fuel hers and she held on to his thunderous glare.

"I can't keep running anymore." Jenna said desperately. "I've been running for the last two years."

"You won't have to." Alec promised, staring at her intensely. "We'll make him stop."

They stayed a little longer in the interview room, asking more about specific details concerning Jack Mason's injunction and his violations of it and of her. Miller bagged the greeting card as evidence and Alec explained Jenna their next steps.

First, they needed to find Jack Mason and make unmistakably sure that he understood that he was breaching the no-contact rule by showing up on Jenna's doorstep. And if he still refused to listen and his bloody lawyers keep insisting on non-existent loopholes then Alec would make damn sure to collect more pressing evidence to lock that bastard up. Far away from Jenna.

She was still shaking as she finally stood up from the chair and handed Miller her empty tea cup. His compassionate colleague touched Jenna's shoulder again, telling her words of encouragement before they left the room.

"I'll drive you home." Alec then announced to Jenna.

"No, that's not necessary-" she started to protest.

"You're upset. You're in no condition to drive and I need to check the area anyway to see where we'd have the best vantage point of your house for surveillance without attracting too much attention." She still seemed reluctant. "Come on, it's either me or a random PC from the station." he said. Though, random essentially meant someone he trusted with this. So Miller.

"Alright." Jenna said meekly and nodded for him to follow her to her car. He could get Miller to pick him up later, he decided.

Once on the road, however, the mood was thick and tense. Alec was still thinking about that violent, controlling bastard responsible for Jenna's terrified phone call last night. His rage was seething and coursing through his veins and it made him grip the steering wheel much too tight and glare darkly ahead. Jenna, on the other hand, stayed still and silent, absent-mindedly staring out the window.

"You should've told me sooner."

Jenna looked up as Alec suddenly cut the silence with this sharp, curt sentence. She frowned. "What?"

"You should've told me. I could've helped you." he said again. It wasn't meant as a reproach, but it sure as hell sounded like one. Alec simply was much too angry to take it back.

"Oh, sure." grumbled Jenna sarcastically. His tone made her sit up straighter, ready to defend herself. "That would've been a great choice of topic for a first date: Hi, I think you're nice. By the way, my ex is still stalking me." she huffed.

"I'm a detective, you could've told me!" Alec snapped.

"I know, but, imagine this: It wasn't what I wanted to talk about!" Jenna shot back, now clearly angry herself. "I wanted to know more about you, Alec, not about DI Hardy. But I guess there isn't really much of a difference after all."

"Don't act so surprised, I know you knew that from the start." Alec grumbled, getting into the familiar realm of fighting. But this time there was no comeback. He glanced to his left, seeing that Jenna was staring out the window again. Her eyes were wet and her cheeks red from anger.

Alec wanted to slam his head against the steering wheel. Again and again, until it would finally stick with him that he truly was the most vile, abhorrent person in the world, undeserving of any kind of companionship because he would always end up hurting people.

For god's sake, what is wrong with me?!

Jenna was already fragile and emotionally unstable and instead of acting thoughtfully like a normal human being, he was too ignorant to control his frustration. Idiot! If Miller were here, she would slap him over the head.

Alec breathed through, calming himself. "I'm sorry…" he said, ridden by guilt. "I-I didn't mean… I'm just angry that someone did that to you. But that's no reason to be such a knob, I know." He waited for her to answer, but she didn't for a long time.

"No…" she finally said very quietly. "No, it's not."

Alec felt even worse. Jenna surely had been fighting enough for the past years. With a short fuse like his, what difference was there really between him and that fuckwit Jack?

Not knowing what else to say without making everything worse, Alec clenched his jaw for the rest of the ride, cursing himself for his stupidity. He parked the car in front of her house, killing the engine.

"Keys." Jenna said briskly.

Alec handed them to her and she immediately exited the car and hurried over the yard without looking back.

"Fuck." muttered Alec and quickly scrambled to follow her. "Jenna, wait." he called. "Please?" She had reached the door, unlocking it and attempting to slam it shut behind her, but Alec's long strides had caught up quickly and he held it open with his hand and one foot jammed in between. Jenna whirled around. In her eyes he saw anger and old fear flaring up.

Immediately, Alec leaned back with his hands upheld in surrender, but not removing his foot from the door. "Please?" he pleaded once more. "I'm sorry, I'm a bloody shitface. I should've known better than to yell at you like that. I just don't want you to get hurt." Alec confessed, words tumbling desperately out of his mouth.

Jenna's gaze still fixed him sternly, but she slowly relaxed her grip on the door as she was searching his dark-brown eyes and seemingly finding earnest concern in them. Alec removed his foot. The door stayed open. "Please… I want to help." he promised again.

Jenna nodded, her blonde, wavy hair swayed with the movement of her head. "I believe you." she said quietly, relaxing further and opening the door. "I was angry, too."

"You have every right to be."

"This…" she sighed. "This whole ordeal is going on for way too long already. It's so tiring to put up a front of strength."

"I know, believe me, I know exactly what you mean." Alec said and Jenna tilted her head. The curious glint was back in her eyes as they both realized that they were much more alike than one might presume at first glance. "You don't have to put up a front with me." Alec then said unusually soft-spoken. "And if you won't… I will try and learn to be more open towards you, too. If-if that's what you want, I mean… if it still matters to you?"

Jenna breathed out; relief spread as she was giving up their fight. "Yes. That would be nice." A timid smile found its way back onto her face.

"Good." Alec stammered, slightly embarrassed. Then he sighed, remembering what he still needed to do. "Jenna, I have to ask something else of you that you might find uncomfortable and I want you to know that you can refuse. But if it's not me now then we have to do it at the station later." Jenna frowned, carefully building up her guard once more. "Can you show me your arms?"

Instinctively, she pulled them close to her chest, the wrists facing away from him. "My arms?" Jenna repeated in alarm.

Alec nodded softly. "We noticed how you pulled at your sleeve when you talked about the things Jack did to you. Miller wanted to ask about it, but I thought… ah, I thought maybe you'd be more comfortable if there's only one of us present, you know?"

Jenna still cradled her arms close. "Yes. Okay... I-I understand." she said and forced herself to relax. She took a quick glance onto the street behind Alec and, although there was no one there, she stepped further into the house. Alec followed her carefully. Then Jenna exhaled with a tremble and she reached for one sleeve, pulling it back. She repeated the same with the other one and then held her arms out to him, eyes closed.

Her fair, smooth skin was broken by thin white lines, scattered all over her lower arms, wrists and even the palm of her hands. Alec had never noticed it before; she'd kept it well hidden. The scars were mostly tiny and too random and with weird sharp corners, looking like little arrows, to be self-induced. Only one scar had obviously cut deeper and still looked angry and pink, reaching at least four inches from her left wrist up her arm.

"This happened when I gave the ring back." Jenna whispered. "He was angry, had been throwing things. Glass was breaking and he… he pushed me into it."

Alec didn't look up from studying her mangled skin, didn't even indicate that he had heard her. So when he reached for her arms – carefully, slowly – wrapping his hands around her wrists, Jenna flinched, but she didn't pull back. His thumbs tenderly ran over her flesh as if he was scanning it with his touch. He came into contact with the smooth edges of the deepest scar on her left arm.

"How could they not regard this as conclusive evidence?" he questioned, voice a low rumble.

There was a hitch in Jenna's breath. "Be-because Jack was also the one who… who drove me to the hospital. I had lost… a lot of blood because o-of that one deep cut and I passed out. When I woke up again he had already told the doctors a different story. That I carried a tray of glasses, tripped and fell into the shards." She sobbed now. "His word against mine."

Alec's hands came back to her wrists and he kept holding her there, feeling her quick pulse beneath his fingertips. He looked up, staring directly into her watery eyes; she still refused to cry. "I won't let him hurt you anymore, Jenna. I promise. I will do everything I can to protect you."

Tears finally spilled from hazel eyes. Jenna nodded and before he could react, she had freed her arms and instead wrapped them around his thin waist, hugging him close.

Alec tensed involuntarily, so very unfamiliar with this sensation. Not even Daisy had hugged him quite like that in a long time. His arms froze, held away from his own body to give her room. But when he felt how her tears drenched through the fabric of his button-down shirt, Alec jerked into motion and he gingerly wrapped his arms around her, holding her small form to him.

Jenna and him… they were the same kind of broken.

Alec realized this suddenly as they were standing there. She had seen through him from the very beginning, she understood him like no one else did. She saw him… because inside of her it looked the same. They both had their scars. The physical ones: Her arms, his heart. And the psychological ones: They were slow to trust people. The reasons and the way they handled that were different, but it was what instantly connected them.

Maybe, when their broken souls met, they were indeed both hoping to heal together.

So now it's getting a little more angsty! ;)

I did some research about the laws for a restraining order in Britain and all those things that come with it and I hope I managed to keep things plausible and respectful. Also, it really surprised me how the lawyers in season 2 were able to bend the truth in order to get their man free, so I figured I could use this difficulty here, too.

Remember, in the end it's still fiction and I'm not a lawyer so I hope you can forgive me if I made mistakes, haha. ;)