Charlotte is in the middle of a cluster of talking people. I sense that they are talking about me, what else would they be talking about? I let the feeling of recognition bubble inside my being for a few minutes as I follow how they smile and gesticulate, and every and then, look at the radiant girl patiently waiting. Just like a soap bubble pops up, their conversation ends, and Charlotte comes in my direction.
I smile, and she wrinkles her nose in response. I offered myself a chance of feeling part of something. Needed, desired, considered. I know it will finish faster than it began.
"You did a good job, congratulations."
Years of pretending, of hiding, of lying can create a great set of skills.
"For this afternoon schedule you will..." Her voice is overcome by a stronger one. Her nose wrinkles once more, but she doesn't shoot a pair of depreciative eyes in the voice direction as she did with me.
"Isn't that Johanna Smith?" A known voice calls my attention. It's Tyler Allaberk in his usual drowsily pace. Good, I think, he has to know my decision as soon as possible.
"As I was saying, you will take a ride with Tyler Allaberk." She clicks her tongue, calling my attention back to her. "Johanna, this is an important part of your promotion program. I expect you will behave without my presence."
"Of course," I answer, peeking at a smug Tyler.
"I will take good care of her, Charlotte. You have nothing to worry about." He says.
I manage to lift the corns of my lips, but the smile crumbles little by little as he approaches me. When he holds my shoulder, I am sure it has turned into a grimace.
"Sir, I have sent all the protocols to your bracelet. I won't repeat them knowing that it would be disrespectful." Charlotte lowers her head towards her tablet. "I'll see you later at the Glass Mansion."
This woman lives for the Allaberks. I wonder had I chosen to stay, she would treat me with the same respect one day. Of course not, I remind myself, she knows what you are and will always think she is better than you.
Tyler takes me out and away from the room I recorded the broadcast. Half my weight balances on the extremely high heels, the other half is upon Tyler's shoulders. I am almost at his height now.
"Have you come to decide if the sky is indeed my favorite shade of blue or yours?" My eyes long on his face, as my mind tries to process his phrase. When I look at his sparkling dark eyes, it hits me.
"I believe your shade of blue would look better if you added a bird flying around? I ask, understanding his metaphor and adding my own.
He keeps on walking with his arms around my shoulder, guiding me somewhere. To the exit, I hope. "What species of bird are we talking about?
"One of the endangered species," I say. "Named Coral Meah."
I watch as his brow raises and lowers. His mouth snaps, and I am ready for a negative answer. There will be no bird flying in my sky.
"This one is very hard to catch, you know." He whispers.
"Isn't it worth it?" I question, trying to elude him back to his own selfish ambition. The arm around my shoulder, rubbing against my skin is just a facade. Maybe a way to tame his disgust of my kind. This somehow bothers me, as if my goals were made of soot and were all crumbling away with his touch.
"Worth it, I don't think that is. But I agree with you, the sky is bluer with a free bird flying," He smirks, and I find it in myself to grin back. We are both getting what we want.
"Why isn't Charlotte coming with us?" I ask when we step out of the Designer Center. The sky's an indistinguishable blue, as I just imagined. Coral, I'm coming for you.
"There's only four days to start the shooting. We have to rush things up a little," He removes the arm from around my shoulders, and a refreshing breeze washes over us. He stretches his arms out in the air.
"So?" I ask.
"Our job is to deliver stories to make those people down there, and beyond there. "He points to where the coast is supposed to be. "Find grace in life. And, to make stories intriguing, they have to break from the screens to real life."
I try really hard to understand but I can't see why none of this has to do with Charlotte not being around. I know the stories have to be intriguing. They kept me dreaming for years about this nation, dreaming about flowery meadows and colorful towns.
"I don't understand."
"Let me translate for you: ro-man-ce. Actually, they seek something bittersweet, like a girl from region seven who got selected for a role in Bluebird Movie Company, and ignited on a wheeling love story with one of the most famous singer/actor of all times," He winks while I am still in bewilderness. "By the way, I heard they did a great job on your eyes."
I look away from him towards the small hills that wait for us before the meadow. There's a car stopped a few yards from us, and I believe it's my transportation. After his comment, it feels odd to look at him in the eyes, even though the lenses are keeping them brown. I just wonder how long I will be able to pull that out.
"But what about the sky? Didn't we agree on the same shade of blue?"
"It's part of the painting, honey," He opens up the smile I've witnessed many times on the screens in Libra, and here in Pasargadae. The kind that melts even the coldest hearts. I would believe it if I didn't know his true colors. "Let's get in the car."
I contour the car and sit in the passenger seat. The dress that wraps around me as if I were a gift makes the ride a little fidgeting. It rests on the back of my mind, though. With so many beautiful landscapes passing through my eyes, any discomfort is just a little nuisance. After all, it's a farewell, even though it's the first time I have traveled through these streets. I will have to say goodbye forever to Pasargadae, and a Darling's destiny to save Coral.
It's easy to imagine what my life would be like if I were to become a Darling and live in the uphill mansions with all the edge technology in this world. With a touchscreen closet to deliver any outfit I wanted, I could wear different dresses every day. I would be able to sleep eight hours a day! I would have enough money to spare on good food and still replenish my family back in Libra. But most of all, I would be seen and wanted. Everyone would want to find me and have a conversation with me. I would know what it means to belong.
The car stops in a dead-end that winds up in a vivid green forest. I adore how everything has more colors around this region. Not that the coast is ugly. My definition of ugly was made up of my hometown. Full of slums and dirt, and so drought nothing grows there. It's like it only welcomes the dead. But the coast is the region I didn't imagine existed before moving here. Or better, it's not how it seemed on the few rare moments something was recorded there and aired on the screens.
I've come to learn that they don't like the ocean or anywhere near it, because the closer to the ocean you are, the closer to the enemy nations you are. However, even they admit that the turquoise blue waters that ripple around this nation look breathtaking on screen. That's why we see the coast sometimes. But the coast belongs to those more unfortunate. Still, a better place than any piece of land back at Libra.
"Let's take a walk in the woods," Tyler interrupts my thoughts, but himself is a representation of all that is at stake. A guy who has lived a perfect life. Who can have whatever he wants and do whatever he wants, and everybody will still love him.
"Don't they have to see us?"
"They already did, believe me," He starts wandering into the forest, and I fall back after him. The high heels slow me a bit. It would be way easier if I just tossed them away, but I make a note to myself to embrace this last suffering. There won't be high heels in Libra. "Besides, they will have a lot of imagination with our clandestine endeavor into the woods."
Tyler is not a talker, and neither am I. We cover the way uphill to the forest without exchanging any words. I only hear the humming of the wind thrashing the leaves and the clacks under my own high heels. At some point, when drops of sweat start to pop up on my temper, he stops.
"Here's fine," He rubs his hands against the side of his pants and touches his bracelet. A screen hovers in the air and he dials a sequence of numbers. The bracelet detaches from his wrist, and he extends his hand in my direction. "C'mon, your turn."
I don't like to be separated from my bracelet. But I guess it would come down to this at any time now. I won't need bracelets in Libra. Nobody cares about us there. I shake my head, take a deep breath, and raise my wrist in his direction. The bracelet detached in a crackle and Tyler nestled them close to the bottom of the tree trunk behind him.
We start to make our way back to the car. My heel sticks in the wet dirt sometimes, and I almost bounce, but I remain on my feet. Not glorious, but it would be such a shame to stain my dress. It will be the only thing taken with me. The only reminder of a life that could've been.
"I don't usually care," He starts when we get back to the car. "But under these circumstances. Who's Coral?" Before I could answer his question, tosses me a strip of black silkh got from the glove compartment of the car. "Put it around your head."
I retain a relieved smile, then he has a plan and our deal is about to take off. I wrap the cloth around my head, careful to leave my sight free. It's what we use when we lose a beloved one. We're still grieving for Moon Murthy's.
"She's a friend," I murmur. But it doesn't feel right to categorize her as just a friend. She's something more, she's like a sister to me. We share a stronger connection that only those who survive together knows. "She's someone I own."
Because I own her. If it weren't for her cunning mind and strength, I would be dead today. Maybe blown up in the trenches in the overseas wars. I'm returning a favor, and I know she would do the same for me.
"You must own her a lot to give up on money and eternal acclamation," He peeks at me from under his covered head.
"Not money," I recall our deal. "Enough money to go back to Libra and live like a queen, if that's possible."
"You're right," He smirks, and for a moment I doubt if he will keep his word. But I hold on to the thought that saving Coral is good enough of a deal. We will probably be able to go back to Libra, and we can try to start something there. I don't see how, but there has to be something we can do.
The hills start to turn into plain roads. The colorful houses start to become smaller, and soon, we are back in the seven region. It feels like I've come home from a long trip, but my brain knows it isn't what it was anymore. Tyler counters the coast through the docks highway and I get a good view of where I've worked for more than six years. I was fourteen when I arrived in this nation. The waters are as blue as before.
We go beyond region seven until we reach region six. It's the closest piece of land of Pasargadae territory to the enemy nations. It's where they take the arrested and turn them into soldiers. It's also where the foreigners who see the global army overseas as a welcoming door into Pasargadae arrive.
They put all these men and women together in opencast cells, like livestock. They say it's for them to start to get used to harsh climate conditions that might appear in the way. I should be amidst them. Training all day, learning how to gash someone effectively, or how to break someone's neck, even if you are short like me. Wearing dark red uniforms with heart woven bands on my arm, exhausted and scared of a future I couldn't be sure would exist. But keep on learning, and paying attention, because those instructions mean life when you are overseas.
Tyler parks the extremely outstanding car as close to the Global Army Administration Office as possible. I can't stop myself from looking for familiar faces in the cluster of red people in the distance. I still don't know if Clarke and John made it out, and I am counting on they did, as the little cockroaches they are. If they hadn't, I would have seen them when I was captured.
I follow Tyler Allaberk as he elegantly walks up the few steps that lead us to the building and the people we are looking for. A young officer, in his thirties, welcomes us with a suspicious look. It must be the cloth wrapped around our faces, but when the man beside me speaks up, I swear his iris grows.
"I'm Tyler Allaberk. As you must know, Bluebird Movies Company joined the Government to give acting opportunities to the public. I've come with strict orders to demand dispensation of the Global Soldier to be, Coral." He looks down at me.
"Meah," I grasp the counter that separates us with the tip of my fingers. "She has strawberry blond hair, big golden eyes and she's very tall. Twice my height!"
The officer looks back and forth between us and taps his device. I hear his fingers work his name in the program. You can find anyone, anywhere with that database. A few seconds later, his eyes lose their shine, when he says: "There's no Coral Meah here."
"I'm sorry, Johanna." Tyler snaps almost consecutively "What will it be? The sky's still blue?" I don't even have time to process what the officer just said. But my sky isn't blue anymore. It is sprinkled with orange and red stains. Not near as red as the color of my anger.
"You have to demand to know where exactly he is. You have influence, he has to tell you." I scooch closer to him and murmur the words in his ear. Although, I believe it didn't sound that low.
"Johanna Smith?" Two totally different tones of voice call my name, leaving me in a stalemate. I don't know where to look. One came from the officer, whose voice intonation announces he's astonished by my presence. The other came from the entrance, to where I decide to turn.
A tall woman of hair as red as the dawn stands in the entrance with a sly smile portraying her face. It's Scarlet Allaberk, Tyler's sister, Mister Allaberk's niece. She caught us in the act and, this doesn't feel good. Nothing feels good.
"Little sister," Tyler Allaberk calls, in a less endearing tone, mixed with a dab of surprise. "What are you doing here?"
She narrows her eyes at her brother, but they don't convey anger or nothing related. However, her face changes drastically when I am the one she's staring into.
"No need to look for him, she's gone," She walks closer to me, looking down at me as if I were an insect. Her dark green eyes are void like a dark hole, emotionless. I feel like they are trying to suck in any emotion I express.
"What do you mean?" I ask, the hurt getting in the way of my words.
She ignores me.
"I've been following you, Tyler. I knew you would play something stupid. Wasn't I right?" She spins around, checking the building's structure. "I saw you entering her room yesterday, heard your stupid offer."
"What do you mean?" I struggle to keep my tears back. My blood is bubbling in my head.
"I mean that your esteemed Coral is becoming an honorable person as we speak. Fighting to deserve to breathe the air of Pasargada one day, if she survives. But on second thought, she's probably dead. The soldiers who go to the trenches don't last long."
And now, under the weight of her words, I imagine Coral laying on a pool of her own blood. She is gone, to the overseas wars, and I will never get a glimpse of her golden eyes again. The room starts to spin, the lights flicker, and I feel like the ground is going to gorge me.
Wherever my mind had wondered before, it hadn't considered Coral truly gone. That's why I am standing here over the cold floor of this Administration Office. I know people die in the trenches all the time, most of them foreigners. I know this ugly facade of this nation. I know it's dust swept under the carpets.
But I also know it's necessary. It's an honor to protect Pasargadae, Libra, and the other ally nations. My home and my family, and the lives of so many others rely on the Global Army to help us win this war. We depend on their work to keep on being free. We can't let them take our place in this world.
However, it doesn't matter. Altruism is only beautiful when it's taken willingly. My friend Coral didn't want to fight this war. She surely didn't want to fight for Pasargadae, she never accepted this place as her home. It was just her income source. When someone is dying, one wants to see something that conveys peace, one wants to be home. Coral didn't have that, and this is because of these people, people like Scarlet Allaberk and Tyler Allaberk, that keep on lying about the war in our faces!
Because while my friend is choking on her own blood somewhere, footages of me wearing a stupid fancy dress will be broadcasted everywhere. The new government program is amazing, isn't it? The new mysterious girl we are seeking to learn more about was seen entering an eerie forest with Tyler Allaberk, what did they do there? No, we have more urgent matters. What are they planning to wear to the Annual Celebration Party? Will there be another farewell to Moon Murthy?
It's personal now. They have taken a friend of mine, someone who I cared deeply for. They left nothing behind but hatred. And I hate all of them. I knew they were hypocrites, singing calm words to fill hungry hearts who desire their voices. I knew. I've always known. Still, I wanted to look like them, do the things they do, mimic their behaviors and colors. I wanted to be accepted by them and their citizens, that hate us so viciously. And why?
For the first time, after many years, I truly feel like a foreigner. When I search inside my mind for ways to avenge her death, I see how powerless I am, and how I never really had a choice. She's going to become just another number in a database, or not even that.
"I know you are angry with Mister Allaberk but you also know it's all for the greater good," Scarlet continues. What hideous greater good is this about? The fake perfection of this nation? The war? It has to be the war. A shudder creeps through my back, indulging me in the truth that has hunted us, all of us, for years: We have to win the war.
"You shouldn't have meddled in my affairs," Tyler barks. "There's something called trust that is hard to earn back, sis. They would've replaced her."
"You have to stop this thing you have with our uncle. You grew up with me, you know what the protocols are. You know how essential they all are. And you also know our lives depend on them." She pipes, but my mind is still somewhere else.
"I guess you won't let me have a little fun, am I wrong, Scarlett?" Tyler Allaberk pulls me by the hand, dragging me with him.
"You know I am right," She snarls. "Like I always am."