The hospital cafeteria had a weird emptiness to it despite the crowd of people. Sarah sat in the front corner, her back to one of the wallpapered walls, a package of unopened crackers sat on the table before her. She knocked it slightly with her elbow as she rested her head heavily on her hand. She didn't know when to go back to Racetrack's room. It had been about twenty minutes, but she wasn't sure she was ready to head back. She didn't want to interrupt them, but she didn't necessarily want to be alone with either one of them either. She understood why Spot was so upset, she couldn't blame him for that. It was clear that Race was reckless to the point of self-destruction and Sarah wasn't sure she would handle it any better than Spot did. From the sound of it, he had been dealing with this for a while now, and Sarah wasn't sure how to approach him about it.

Suddenly Sarah looked up and saw Spot, as if her thoughts had conjured him. He was standing against the back wall, a row of floor to ceiling windows overlooking a snow-covered field. He stood, looking out at the scene, his back to her, arms crossed tight over his chest. She could practically see the tension in his shoulders from here. So, it hadn't gone well with Race. His beanie was pulled down low over his ears like it had been that first day at the airport. She couldn't believe that was only yesterday. She could see his hair curling on the nape of his neck. When after a moment he didn't turn around or see her sitting there, she took a deep breath and stood. She was beginning to learn how to handle Spot, right? She could go talk to him.

"Spot?" She called as she neared him. When he didn't turn to face her she took a deep breath and reached out her hand to touch his elbow, her fingers brushing his soft skin. "Alex?"

He jumped when she touched him, surprise on his face as he whipped to face her. She took a step back, blushing. He hadn't heard her. The cafeteria was cavernous and echoey and he hadn't heard her coming in the din of other people. She felt like an idiot, how quickly she forgot.

"Sorry," she said, realizing her mistake. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He shook her concern away, returning his eyes to the window but angling his body more towards her. Sarah glanced out to the wintery scene as well but looked back at him after a moment of his continued silence.

"Are you okay?" She asked automatically, watching his dark eyes. The shock from her startling him had subsided and his carefully constructed mask had pieced itself back together on his face before her.

"I'm fine," he said, spitting the words like they tasted bad in his mouth.

"Did you know? That that's why he's in the hospital?" She asked, unable to keep her curiosity under control.

"I suspected about as much," he started, shifting his weight and glancing at her. "Maybe I knew, but I didn't let myself believe it until he told you. He wouldn't admit it to me."

"So, he's done this before," Sarah prompted, trying to give him the space to talk and open up.

Ha laughed an unfunny laugh. "You don't get a nickname like Racetrack before you're 16 for nothing."

"Sixteen? He was racing cars before he could legally drive them?"

Spot's mouth ticked up in a smirk in response.

"When has the law ever stopped Race? I think he learned to drive by the time he was thirteen."

"Where do you even learn to drive that young? I mean I know some farm kids do, but in the city?" Sarah asked in disbelief.

"You'll have to ask Race about it sometime. Believe it or not we don't talk about cars all that often," he said.

"I suppose not," she answered and let the conversation drop. Spot returned to looking out the window and Sarah joined him. This was more complicated than she realized. She was surprised that the two had managed to stay friends through all this, with this major difference between them.

"Are you two going to be okay?" Sarah asked after a second. Spot glanced over at her,

"Idiot's on thin fucking ice," he said, a smile creeping on to his face despite his words. "But as long as he keeps getting his ass handed to him, I'll keep bailing him out I guess. When is enough enough? When do you finally say no to your best friend? How can you tell him that you're going to stop showing up, stop being there if he gets really screwed up? If there's a limit, I haven't reached it yet," he said. Sarah hadn't looked away from him.

"Well, let's hope you never do then, if that wasn't you reaching your limit back there," she said inclining her head back towards Race's room. Spot dipped his head, hiding his eyes.

"Yeah, sorry about all that. I just…maybe I do reach my limit every time he pulls this shit. I just keep hoping he'll learn," he said, turning his body to more fully face Sarah, his shoulder leaning against the glass window.

"I understand. You're allowed to be angry…and scared," she added after a second.

"It's easier to just blow up at him. For both of us."

"I know neither of you want to deal with it, but maybe you should? Maybe you'd be better off for it."

"I'm not sure he takes his own situation seriously enough for that. You saw him, he just deflects and makes it seem like you're making a big deal out of nothing."

"He doesn't take himself seriously, even when he should. And you…" she stopped, letting her words trail off, not realizing what she was going to say before she was about to.

Spot looked at her, his face neutral before breaking into a grin. A true, genuine one that lit up his eyes with humor. "And I take myself too seriously all the time. To a fault, as I think you've pointed out once or twice."

Sarah made a face, "this trip hasn't exactly been filled with our greatest moments, has it?" She asked, and he laughed.

"No, maybe not. We seem to have a way of getting under each other's skin."

"It's been memorable at least, right? A road trip for the ages."

"I don't think I'll ever forget it, especially the cop, or all the snow, or breaking the radio," he said, his eyes landing on hers, holding for longer than they had before. She couldn't seem to look away, to break the moment. She wanted to drink up Spot's smile, as rare as they were. The way the levity brought out the blue in his eyes, bright, cloudless, like the winter sky. Finally, she pulled her eyes from his, realized what she was doing.

"Come on, let's go check on Racetrack," she said, pushing away from the window, putting space between the two of them. Spot didn't move.

"You go, I'm going to give him a break from seeing me," he said, his smile turning sad. Sarah swallowed and reached out, putting a hand on his arm.

"You guys will pull through," she said, meeting his eyes one more time before leaving him framed by the snow and walking back towards Race's room.

PAGE BREAK

Racetrack looked up, eye guarded, when Sarah entered his room. When he saw it was her he broke into a grin.

"I thought you were Spot, back for another round."

She held her hands up, "I come in peace, though you two sure know how to go at it," she said, sitting in the chair next to his bedside.

"Lots of practice," he answered, his smile turning a little sad. Sarah nodded, pretending to know what that felt like. She never fought with anyone. Not the way she did with Spot. Maybe it was him who was just like this. With everyone. Race seemed to read her thoughts.

"He's actually a big softie. Cares so much it boils over in the form of white-hot rage," he said with a wink. She smiled in response.

"That's a funny way of showing it."

"Listen, he's always been like this. He's picky about his people and even then he plays his cards close to his chest."

"But why?" Sarah snapped, louder than she had intended. "Why is he like that?" She asked, quieter, as the corner of a knowing smile threatened to take over Race's face.

"It's just the way he's wired. Even before," -he broke off, glanced at her- "Even when we were young, he would just stew on stuff, never let you in. But then, he does. Eventually. You just gotta wait for it."

"Is it worth it?"

"Is Spot worth it?" He clarified. Sarah looked up at his insinuation. "Who else would drive 500 miles just to yell at you in person?" he continued.

"Well, I did," she answered. He smiled.

"Yes, you did. But you haven't yelled at me," he winked again. Sarah rolled her eyes, glad to have the tension broken for a minute.

"Earlier, you were going to say 'even before the accident with his dad', weren't you?" Sarah asked a moment later, curiosity getting the best of her.

Race broke out into a grin and laughed. "So he did tell you!"

"Eventually," she said, grinning slyly. He gave her a knowing look.

"I thought he might. He let you in. But yeah, that's what I was going to say. It's hard to say if he was different before that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well we were only ten. It's hard to remember, first of all. But he was always responsible, quick, a little short tempered."

"Even that young?"

"Oh yeah. I think the accident just…intensified it. He went from always wanting to be one step ahead of everyone to ten steps ahead. I think it's how he dealt with it."

"Nothing out of his control," she said, looking down.

"Exactly. And you know, he struggled with the whole Deaf thing. Making friends was hard before he learned how to manage it," he went on.

"Manage it? Like getting hearing aids?"

"Well that, but mostly just how to exist in both worlds at once."

"What do you mean, both worlds?"

"Well, he's not hearing. That makes it hard to fit in everyday life. But he's not Deaf either, like, culturally, it makes it even harder to fit in with Deaf people," he explained.

Sarah was about to reply, ask him what he meant, ask more about Deaf culture and why Spot existed in two worlds, but the door opened and a nurse walked in, flipping open a folder.

"How are you doing, Will? Ready to get out of here today?" She asked, moving to check the monitor on the other side of his bed.

"I don't know, I was just getting used to the blinding fluorescent and constant smell of antiseptic," he replied, winking at Sarah. She smiled, her mind still elsewhere.

"Your concussion receded enough that it's safe to send you on your way," she said brightly, ignoring Race's sarcasm.

"Are you you the friend from New York?" She asked after Race didn't reply, turning to Sarah and smiling.

"One of them. Just happy to have him in one piece," sahr said polielty, though she was genuinely glad he was okay.

"Well, maybe two or three pieces," Race said, looking at his plastered leg with a grin towards her and the nurse.

"Don't joke too much or Alex'll break your other leg," she said with a smile, rolling her eyes.

"There's no guarantee I still won't," Spot said from the doorway, leaning against the frame, looking perfectly relaxed, through Sarah could see the tension still in his shoulders and darkening his eyes.

"You hear that Spotty? I'm free and we can hightail it back to civilization!" he said, smiling genuinely, the earlier fight clearly behind him.

The nurse finished unplugging wires from the monitor, removed the IV from his hand and asked Sarah and Spot to wait out in the hall while she helped Race get ready to leave.

"So, things will be okay between you and Race?" Sarah asked as they waited in the hallway. Spot nodded, eyes on the door.

"This is how it goes, he acts like nothing happened and I let it go eventually."

"So, what? Nothing changes and he does this again when his leg heals?" She asked, a little incredulous.

"I'm going to try to talk to him again later," he started, shooting Sarah a look, "Though talking to him about it is clearly like talking to a brick wall."

"Do I need to be there to mediate?"

"I'll let you know if we need a referee. But all of this," -he waved his hand in the air in front of him, towards Race's closed door,- "It's all so messy. And half the reason I didn't want you to come."

"So it wasn't just your deep-seated dislike for me?" she asked with a smile, trying to keep the mood light.

"Maybe not all of it," he said, shooting her a smirk. She ducked her head and decided it was time for a different subject. Better to not stir the pot too much.

"Well if you're going to talk to him tonight, you need a place to do it, and we haven't found anywhere to stay tonight," Sarah said, checking the time. It was already six in the evening.

"Figure we'll stay in town, start back in the morning?" Spot said just as Race's door opened and a nurse began to push him out in a wheelchair, his leg propped up.

"Nope, no! I'm not staying another night in this town!" Race spit. "No offense," he threw over his shoulder at the nurse, whose smile was starting to look a little strained.

"And where else do you suggest we stay?" Spot asked, pushing away from the wall and falling in line behind Race and the nurse. Race turned and smiled at them over his shoulder.

"Let's stay in the city tonight."

Spot and Sarah shared a dubious look.

"Kansas City?" Sarah asked. Grandview was just south of it, but she couldn't figure out what Race was getting at.

"Race, why would we drive up to Kansas City for just one night?" Spot asked. Sarah echoed him,

"It would be cheaper to just stay in town."

Race shook his head, straining to look back at them. "God, how old are you two, 90? So I'll pay for our room. I got laid up before I could see KC and I still want to while I'm here. It'll be fine, you worry warts," he muttered the last part under his breath, turned back around in his seat. Sarah looked at Spot, who was already looking at her incredulously.

"He knows he lives in New York City right?" Spot whispered to her.

"Hey I heard that, asshole!" Race called, throwing the finger over the chair at them. "Sorry for trying to inject a little fun into your miserable lives."

Spot rolled his eyes, but Sarah just smiled. Kansas City it was.