Author's note: This chapter contains some words and phrases in Lakota. While I have never studied the language, I did my best to translate the words of some of the Lakota tribe members to give a more authentic feel to the story. If anyone reading this is actually fluent in Lakota, I am sorry if I messed it up and I meant no disrespect (this is not an easy language to learn, in my humble opinion).
Chapter 5
The first sounds she heard came from somewhere nearby. Coming up from the fog she had been trapped within, Lou could make out the sounds of human speech coming from somewhere, although she couldn't decipher what they were saying. Judging by the conversation she heard, she would guess that there were two women. Rolling her head to the side, Lou tried to open her eyes to see if she could locate the source of the voices. Weak from disuse, her tired eyes immediately regretted the decision to open as the bright flames of a fire flickered within her sight line. Lou lay blinking in the firelight, her vision adjusting to the bright light as she lay trying to determine where she was. The last thing she remembered was falling from her mare's back and cool water enveloping her body before everything went black. Now, as she searched the dark depths of her new surroundings, she noticed the room she was in was round, which she thought was odd.
Beneath the warm blanket, she began to move her hands from where they lay resting on her stomach. Smoothing her palm over her skin Lou realized she wasn't wearing any clothes. Now she was naked and alone in a strange place with no memory of how she got here. A heavy weight seemed to descend on her chest as she remembered another night long ago when she found herself in a similar situation. A familiar prickle burned her eyes, silent tears coursing down her cheeks. Closing her eyes, she stretched her legs out beneath the warm blanket, trying to determine if there was pain anywhere in her body that was inconsistent with falling off a horse. Satisfied that nothing seemed amiss, and certainly nothing had happened like that night all those years ago, she decided it was time to try to get up. She needed to find her clothes so she could make her way back to Cottonwood and find Cody. Building her resolve, Lou decided she needed to get out of here and away from whoever was holding her captive. Pushing up on her elbows behind her, Lou tried to sit up in the bed she was in, regretting the decision almost immediately. The movement and pressure on her left shoulder caused her to cry out, drawing the attention of the two women on the other side of the room. At once, they were at her side. Two pairs of soft dark brown eyes stared back at her, looks of concern covering both faces. Looking between the two women, Lou thought she saw some resemblance between them. One was much older with streaks of gray in her long black braids. The other looked to be about her age and wore her hair in a similar style to the older woman. There was a kindness she noticed about them as she reached her hand to touch her wound. Clutching the blanket against her bare chest, she felt a bandage wrapped around her shoulder as well as some sticky substance oozing out from beneath it. The older woman pressed her wizened hands to her good shoulder, saying something Lou didn't understand. From her motions, though she realized the woman wanted her to lay back down.
"Where am I?" she asked the women, her eyes darting between their two faces.
"After you saved my sister, the braves brought you back to our camp," the younger woman explained. "You are with the Lakota."
"How long have I been here?"
"Shappa, kánhtal," the older woman commanded gently.
"You were brought here around midday two days ago. It is night now, Shappa," the younger woman explained. "My mother and I are healers. You can call her Eyota. I am Magaskawee. It was my sister you saved the other day from those bad men."
Laying back on the soft bedding, Lou realized she wasn't in a bed, but rather was laying on a very soft fur with a soft wool blanket covering her. The older woman, Eyota, carefully removed the bandage from Lou's injured shoulder. As she washed the poultice off, Lou felt strong fingers probing her wound.
"How bad is it?" she asked.
"Mama said the bullet grazed your shoulder, not causing any real damage. You will feel pain for a few days. The herbs will prevent infection. In a few days, you will feel better, I think," Magaskawee explained as her mother tended to the newcomer's injury. "Your head injury is more worrisome."
Lou looked at the younger woman, whispering, "I couldn't let them do that to her."
Magaskawee turned her attention from her mother's ministrations to gaze intently into their patient's eyes. Silent moments passed as the younger woman studied the young white woman before her. "You have been hurt before," she stated, "by other bad men." Unable to stop it, Lou felt a tear run down her cheek as she slowly nodded her head. "You have saved my sister. It is she who wanted you brought back here. When we saw your injuries and Kimimela told us about your bravery, Mama and I had to help you. Then we realized you were a woman. The village has been talking about the Shappa in our midst."
"Shappa?" Lou asked as Eyota smoothed a cool paste onto her sore shoulder. The burning Lou felt immediately went away as the new poultice was applied. She started wrapping a new bandage around the wound as her daughter explained the foreign word.
"It was the nickname Mama gave you after she discovered you were a woman. Shappa means 'Red Thunder' in Lakota. Since we did not know your real name, everyone has been calling you that."
"Oh, alright. Red Thunder, Shappa," Lou said softly, "It sounds nice. Thank you."
"You saved my sister, for that we will forever be in your debt," Magaskawee said. Pausing, she added, "What is your real name?"
"It's Louise, but most people call me Lou."
"Welcome to our village, Louise," she said with a smile.
"Where are we?" she asked, her shoulder finally bandaged once again. Eyota helped her sit back up before moving over to the fire. Lou watched as the woman scooped some sort of stew from a large pot into a hollowed out gourd. Walking back over to Lou, Eyota knelt beside her and motioned for her to hold her hands out. Lou did as she was asked before the healer placed the warm bowl into her hands. Motioning once again for her to bring the bowl to her lips, Lou took a sip of the savory stew. "This is delicious," she announced, taking another sip before biting a larger chunk of meat into her mouth. Chewing the tender morsel, she asked, "What is this?"
"Wahonpi. Soup made of bison, prairie turnip, and blo," Magaskawee explained. Hearing a soft cry from the other side of the tipi, the young woman rose from Lou's side to move in the direction of the wail. She was soon back again, an infant cradled in her arms. "Louise, this is my Wichahpi. She is almost two moons old. I think she is hungry too, no?"
Looking over at the tiny baby cradled in the woman's arms, Lou felt a tug of longing in her chest. Resting the bowl of soup on her lap, she smiled at the new mother, saying, "She's very beautiful. You're very lucky."
"Thank you. Do you have children?" she asked, releasing the ties at her shoulder to bring her baby to her breast.
Lou watched with a mixture of amazement and a bit of jealousy. Having children always seemed scary after her experiences with Wicks and her own terrible childhood. But sitting here by the fire, Magaskawee made it look so natural and comforting. Dropping her eyes down at her lap, she whispered, "No."
"You would like them, I think," the young mother said with a kind smile. Her eyes searched Lou's brown eyes, seeing only longing there.
"I had a difficult childhood and ended up an orphan with two younger siblings. Having a family of my own never seemed like a possibility. And after what happened," she paused to look up at her new friend, willing her to understand the words she couldn't say, "I was too afraid to get close to anyone."
"There is someone now, I think," she said with a knowing smile.
"Yeah."
"And does he know how you feel?"
"I don't know. We never talked about it, not really."
"He is close to you, no."
"Yes, he is. I can't see my life without him in it."
"You love him."
"Yes."
"He will come," Magaskawee said, her eyes imploring Lou to believe her.
"He has no idea where I am," Lou said softly, tears pooling in her eyes again over the hopelessness of her situation. "I don't know where I am," she whispered as fat tears rolled down her cheeks. These people were taking good care of her, but she knew she didn't belong here. In that moment, she longed for the comforts of the bunkhouse and home.
"When you were first brought here, and Mama was starting to tend to you, you kept calling out for someone, someone named "Kid." My husband, Pahina Mnimniza, recognized the name and after looking closely at you, he knew where he had seen you before. When he told me, I urged him to go find your people. He will not return without them."
"He knows me?" Lou asked incredulously.
"He was in a town called Sweetwater about a year ago. He said you and this Kid were pony express riders there. Helped him with some trouble he was in," she explained, moving the tiny girl to her other breast.
Lou looked at the young woman with a puzzled look on her face as she tried to figure out the identity of her husband. Remembering the bowl of stew in her lap as her stomach gave a loud growl, Lou resumed eating.
Moving from the other side of the tipi, Eyota returned, her younger daughter at her side. Lou looked over at the girl, immediately recognizing her from the creek. The girl gave her a huge grin as she sat down beside Magaskawee so she could see Lou. She whispered something to her sister, who then turned to Lou, saying, "This is my sister, Kimimela. She wants to thank you for helping her the other day."
Reaching out her hand to the young girl, Lou smiled softly, saying, "I've been where you were and I couldn't stop him then. I could two days ago. You don't need to thank me."
Magaskawee translated Lou's words for her sister, as she watched the two young women converse in their native tongue. Kimimela swiped a tear away as she understood what had happened to her new hero when she was younger.
"Helping you when you needed it is enough for me. Knowing that you didn't have to go through what I went though is enough, Kimimela," Lou tried to explain. Looking to the older sister, Lou nodded her head for the woman to translate for her. Magaskawee soon shared the rest of what Lou had said. Unable to help herself, Kimimela threw her arms around Lou's neck, nearly disrupting what was left of her meal. Lou felt another tear escape her eyes, making its way down her warm cheek.
From the other side, Eyota, pulled her younger daughter from Lou, berating her for her exuberance. "Really, it's alright," Lou tried to appease the older woman. While she couldn't understand her words, she understood her meaning.
Seemingly satisfied that her daughter was finished, Eyota settled herself between Lou and Magaskawee, turning her warm brown eyes to her patient. The older woman began speaking rather rapidly to Lou as she sat there, unable to understand anything the woman was saying to her. "Mahpiya Tho kiŋ Shappa tehíla. Shappa hoks̆iikpignaka. Mahpiya Tho hiyóu," the older woman said softly to Lou, a look of reassurance on her face. Lou looked to Magaskawee for help, but the young woman was looking at her mother with an equally puzzled expression on her face. After conferring with her mother for a moment, she said something to Kimimela, prompting the girl to take the now empty hollowed out gourd from Lou's lap. Moments later, Lou found her arms cradling the infant. Magaskawee watched the young visitor for a moment before she ushered both her mother and younger sister out of the tipi.
Alone with the infant, Lou ran a finger across her downy black hair and around her soft cheek. Dark eyes squinted open to watch the new person holding her. Wichahpi let out a few gurgles as Lou gazed adoringly down at the tiny infant in her care. Unable to stop them anymore, she allowed the hot tears to stream down her cheeks, not caring if anyone saw them, but thankful for the time alone.
Later that night as she drifted off to sleep, the image she saw in her dreams was of a child with dark auburn curls and bright blue eyes. Eyes as blue as the sky and the same color as its father haunted her dreams for the rest of the night as she passed it in fitful slumber. Waking just before dawn, Lou curled onto her side beneath the soft blanket and prayed that Kid would truly come to find her. Remembering the comforting feel of his strong arms around her, she finally found the rest that had eluded her earlier in the night.
The next morning, after having been allowed to sleep well past any normal hour, Lou finally felt well enough to leave her bed. Kimimela was the first to see Lou that morning, and after finding her mother to check her injuries, handed her a deerskin dress and a pair of moccasins for her feet.
"Where are my clothes?" Lou asked once Magaskawee appeared within the tipi.
"They were ruined, so they were burned as an offering to the gods for your safe recovery. Kimimela has made you these as thanks for all you have done for her. She will help you dress today," she said as she lifted her baby from the basket she slept in.
The young girl was soon by her side again, trying to help Lou up so she could put the dress on. Gingerly moving her arm so she wouldn't cause too much pain in her shoulder, Lou managed to get the dress on, thankful that Kimimela had included ties at the shoulders. Although in her current state of injury, she was unable to fasten the ties herself. Luckily the girl was there to help her. Once she was dressed like any other woman in the tribe, Lou was handed another bowl of what looked like the previous night's stew. Bringing the warm broth to her lips, she began sipping the liquid. After eating about half the concoction, Lou grimaced as she chewed a chunk of stringy meat. She managed to consume the unpalatable morsel, deciding to skip the rest of her meal as her stomach roiled in protest. Placing the half-empty bowl by the fire, she moved closer to the two young women who still occupied the tipi.
"Mama wants you to start moving your shoulder a little today," Magaskawee told Lou as she settled down to feed her baby again. "So we are taking you with us when we go foraging with the other women. It will feel good to move again, no?" she asked.
"Yes," Lou agreed. "It'll be good to feel useful again. What can I do to help?" she asked, eager to help out while she was staying with the tribe.
"We will need those baskets over there," she indicated, pointing to a spot near the entrance. Shifting the infant at her breast to the other side, Magaskawee watched as Lou made her way to the three baskets sitting by the tipi entrance. Walking to the baskets, Lou leaned over to pick them up, holding her arm against her body to prevent jarring her injured shoulder with the movement. Her head was swimming with the movement, causing her to reach out for one of the poles and grab on. Taking a few breaths to steady herself, Lou pressed her other hand to her head, closing her eyes to stop the room from spinning. "Are you alright?" Magaskawee asked from her position on the floor.
"Yeah," Lou replied, "Just give me a minute. I think I hit my head harder than I thought." Magaskawee watched the young visitor carefully with a curious eye before turning her attention back to her baby.
While Lou was up moving around this morning, her shoulder was still sore and she was fearful of the pain she might feel tonight if she were to do too much on her trip out with the rest of the women. She didn't want to push herself too hard on her first day out of bed. She was about to hoist the baskets up against her hip when she noticed a bright swath of color just outside the tipi. Tucking her head beneath the doorway, Lou saw a small pile of brightly colored blankets as well as a few fur pelts and a bundle of wildflowers tied with a leather strip. Returning inside the tipi, Lou asked the young woman, "Did you leave those things outside?"
Looking up from her child, Magaskawee asked, "What things?"
"The blankets, furs, and flowers," Lou replied, returning to retrieve the baskets.
Magaskawee looked thoughtful for a moment, as she contemplated what Lou had just told her. She turned to her baby, who had finished her meal, and bringing the tiny girl to her shoulder, started patting her firmly on her back. She was about to answer Lou when Eyota came through the doorway, announcing, "Henake wicaša." Lou was startled by the woman's sudden appearance and, not understanding her Lakotan words, kept her eyes on Wichahpi and Magaskawee.
Magaskawee looked her in the eye, saying, "Best to leave those things where they are, Louise." Seeing the reappearance of her younger sister, she added, "Come, it is time to go. The women will be leaving soon." Satisfied that Wichahpi was ready for her afternoon trip into the forest, Magaskawee bundled her into a band of hide she had wrapped around her body, safely settling the infant against her chest. Keeping one hand on her infant, the young woman stood, grabbed Lou by the hand and guided her out of the tipi.
When she first appeared outside the tipi, Lou smiled as she felt the afternoon sun streaming through the trees onto her face. Having been sequestered away for the last few days away from the sunshine and the rest of the camp, Lou was enjoying her first taste of the outdoors. Closing her eyes, she turned her face to the warm sun, happy to be relatively safe and alive. Around her, she could hear birds singing in the trees and the rustle of the leaves as the soft breeze blew through them. Closer to her, Lou heard soft footsteps, the soft neighing of horses, and the sounds of fires crackling as meat was roasted over their flames. Initially oblivious to the movement around her, she soon noticed that all had grown quiet at her appearance in the Lakota camp. Opening her eyes and looking around, Lou saw the women as well as most of the men had stopped their usual tasks to stare at the pale-faced stranger. Her lips curled up in a tentative smile as she took in all the faces staring back at her. All around her, Lou could hear the hushed voices whispering her new name, as they all recognized her as the Shappa that had been brought to their camp earlier in the week. The tale of her brave rescue of one of their own had earned her the immediate respect of the tribe. Now that they could finally see for themselves the small woman who had reacted so fiercely in the face of danger, their respect grew tenfold.
As the villagers watched the brave young woman who stood before them, the braves that had come to rescue Kimimela eyed the newcomer with appreciation. They watched as the young woman, or Shappa as she had become known amongst the camp, stood next to Magaskawee, a basket held against her hip. Her injured shoulder was still affecting her since she held her left arm close to her body. Apparently Eyota thought it unnecessary to put her arm in a sling, one of them thought. Soft doe brown eyes searched the faces among the camp, stopping every so often when it found a child or friendly gaze looking back at her. Her auburn hair hung in slight waves around her round face, glints of copper reflecting the bright afternoon sunlight off the brown tresses. While not one of the tribe, her bravery in the face of adversity made her a desirable partner, thus drawing the attention of more than a few of the unmarried men in the camp and even a few of the married ones. Four of them made their way over to where Lou stood with her three female hosts, eager to be introduced to the young woman. Magaskawee, knowing what had prompted the four braves to join her new friend, made the quick introductions. "Shappa, this is Hotah, Tahatan, Wambleeska, and Matoskah. They are the braves who found you after you saved my sister." Turning to the four fierce men before her, she quickly said, "Lee Shappa."
The largest of the braves moved closer to Lou and, bowing his head slightly, said, "Hokahé Shappa." Noticing her lack of response, he translated, "Welcome."
A smile spread over her face as she realized the brave also spoke some English. "Thank you, uh…" Lou paused as she didn't know the man's name.
"Matoskah," the man supplied.
Lou smiled again, saying, "Thank you, Matoskah." She looked over the imposing man that stood before her. He was much taller than her, probably if she had to guess, about the same height as Kid and of a similar build. His bronze skin seemed to glow in the afternoon sun as she noticed the soft buckskin pants he wore and the bare planes of his muscular chest.
"It was I who carried you back to camp," he shared, interrupting her perusal of his frame. Noticing the path of her eyes along the length of him, he smiled, adding, "You showed great bravery at the creek. Not many of your kind would have helped one of us."
Lou could feel her cheeks reddening with his compliment but tried to cover her embarrassment, saying, "I couldn't let those men hurt her," before trailing off, not wanting to share too much about her past with a strange man. Readjusting the basket held against her right hip, she nodded to the four men before following Magaskawee over to the edge of the camp. "Thank you," she whispered to the young woman.
"It would be wise to avoid them, I think," she replied, running her palm along the hide that carried her child. Placing her other hand on Lou's elbow, she guided her over to where Eyota stood conversing with a rather commanding looking man. Kimimela stood patiently by her mother's side. "Ina unonamnimni iyececa."
Eyota turned her penetrating gaze to rest on Lou as she said, "Shappa átayeya Th̆ath̆aŋka Íyotake." While she recognized her new name, Lou had no idea what Eyota was trying to say to her. The confusion evident on her face, the older woman looked between her older daughter and the man who stood next to her.
The man was the first to speak, "Good day, Shappa, and welcome. I am Chief Sitting Bull. I have heard great things about you since you first came to our village. We were all very impressed with your fearlessness when you faced those men by the creek."
Lou's brows shot up as a blush stained her cheeks under the attention of the chief she had heard so much about from Buck as well as some of the other riders. Sitting Bull was well-known throughout the West and here she was, standing before him and having him praise her heroics. "I'm not sure what I was thinking when I charged in search of the source of the screams. But, when I got there, I couldn't let those men hurt her," Lou tried to explain her actions.
The chief studied the brave young woman standing before him, taking in the proud tilt of her chin and the defiant stance as she conversed with him. "You are welcome to stay here as long as you like. My brother, Pahina Mnimniza, has gone to bring your people back here, although," he leaned in slightly closer so his words might remain between the two of them before continuing, "I am sure there are at least a few around here that would not mind your staying here permanently." His eyes darted to the four braves who still stood nearby, urging Lou's eyes to follow the chief's to see what he was referring to. Looking over her injured shoulder, Lou noticed the four men watching her with determination in their eyes.
Magaskawee was quietly translating the conversation between their chief and their young visitor, prompting Eyota to exclaim, "Hasnsi! Th̆óni iyáiglas̆ka égna Mahpiya Tho. Shappa oyuhlagan s̆ni."
The chief eyed the older woman curiously, then with a shrug of his shoulders, said, "Unwanyanki. Tokas̆ th̆óni ihekiya waunjata." Turning back to Lou, he said, "I see you will accompany Magaskawee and the other women in the woods today. I shall not keep you." And with a nod, he turned and left the women to proceed with their task.
Lou adjusted her basket one more time as she followed the other women out of the village. A loud call from the camp prompted her to turn back to see who made the loud sound. As she glanced over her shoulder, she spied Matoskah and the other three braves standing together with the chief watching her depart with the women. As she locked eyes with the brazen warrior, his three friends laughed while the chief clapped a hand on Matoskah's shoulder, nodding his head appreciatively. Turning back to keep her eyes on where the women were leading her, she thought that the men had to be talking about her. What they were saying, she could only guess. Pushing their laughter and lascivious looks from her mind, Lou picked up her speed so she could catch up with Magaskawee who was waiting a few yards ahead of her.
As the caravan of women tracked through the woods surrounding the camp, they spent the next few hours collecting chokecherries, wild turnips, wild potatoes, and various herbs. As they would find something new to add to their baskets, Magaskawee would carefully explain what it was they had found and what they used it for. Lou found the new information fascinating and tried to store as much of it away for future use as she could.
Having finished with the small area they were covering, the women soon decided to settle down for a short break. Laying blankets down in a circle, the women of the tribe began passing out pemmican to those around them. Magaskawee sat beside Lou, ready to nurse her daughter when Kimimela handed the small cake-like snack to both her sister and their visitor. Taking the small morsel from the young woman, Lou brought the food to her lips. As she inhaled the smell of the food, she immediately regretted the decision. Dropping the offensive food onto the blanket, she bolted from her spot, darting into the woods before the meager breakfast she had eaten earlier made its unfortunate reappearance. Once she had finished retching, Lou wiped her mouth with her arm and slowly made her way back to the small clearing where the rest of the women were gathered.
"Are you alright?" Magaskawee asked quietly, her infant settled in her arms. Reaching beside her, she passed a water skin over to her ashen friend.
Lou gladly accepted the clear water from her friend, taking small sips for fear she would be sick again. "I must've hit my head harder than I thought," she mumbled under her breath.
"Does your head pain you?" Magaskawee asked gently.
"No, not really," Lou responded, wondering if that was normal.
"You know, I could not stand those either when I was first expecting Wichahpi," Magaskawee commented.
Lou turned an alarmed face to the dark-haired woman beside her. "What are you saying?"
"Could it be possible that you are with child?"
Lou sat there stunned for a moment. "I didn't think it was possible…" she said trailing off.
"You mean because of the man who attacked you?" Magaskawee asked softly.
Lou sat there, barely nodding her head. She was carefully examining her shaking hands in her lap as she thought about Magaskawee's words. Was it possible? Anything was possible, but given the pain she had weeks after Wicks' attack, she didn't think it was a real possibility that she would have a child of her own someday. She and Kid had been careful when they were together the first time, but since they had gotten back together weeks ago, they had been anything but careful. Somehow, when they were alone together, neither one of them seemed to think about or care about any consequences of their actions. She already knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, what difference did anything else make?
Eyota appeared at her side, trying to check on her shoulder, but her probing fingers caused her to nudge Lou's tender breasts more than once, causing her to whimper in pain. She darted her eyes to the healer at her prodding and was surprised to see the woman looking up at her expectantly. Did she do that on purpose?, Lou thought as she locked eyes with the older woman. The look in her piercing brown eyes told her she was examining more than her injury. Returning her attention to the wound, Eyota carefully moved Lou's left arm around, testing the muscles in her injured shoulder. Satisfied that her movements were not causing any great pain, the older woman placed her hand on Lou's abdomen, mumbling something unintelligible. Returning to her place beside her younger daughter, Eyota kept her eyes trained on the young woman staying with her family.
Lou could feel the older woman's eyes on her as she thought about Magaskawee's comments and Eyota's examination. She was deep in thought when Magaskawee gently nudged her, passing her a small piece of dried meat, followed by a handful of berries. "Try these," she suggested, "They should help." Lou accepted the small meal and began taking small bites of the dried meat. Between bites, she popped a berry in her mouth, grateful that the pop of sweetness was taking the horrible taste of bile away. Once she was finished, Magaskawee handed her some small, slightly fuzzy leaves telling her, "Chew these. It will help settle your stomach."
"What is it?" Lou asked, eyeing the tender leaves cautiously.
"Mint."
"Thank you," Lou said softly, taking the leaves from her outstretched hand. Placing them in the small pouch hanging around her neck, she popped one in her mouth and began chewing. Soon all traces of the earlier incident were gone from her mouth. Looking around, she noticed the other women packing up the blankets, making her realize they were about to get moving again. Standing, Lou picked up her basket once again, making sure the different herbs she had collected with Magaskawee and Eyota stayed in their separate bunches. Seeing the women moving off into the woods, she started silently along behind the three women that had been kind enough to care for her over the past few days.
The caravan of women had continued following a meandering path through the woods when Lou was distracted by a low hum. Wandering off the path and away from the women, Lou soon found the source of the droning. Flying softly around her, bees were moving purposefully around the small clearing she stumbled upon. Staying back so she wouldn't disturb the bees as they went about their tasks, Lou perched herself on a fallen tree, gently laying her basket on the dry grass at her feet. Sitting there on her log, Lou was transported back to that night in Fort Kearney when she had bared her heart to Kid. He had made it clear to her that if they took that next step, it meant forever and she had been so happy to hear those words from him. Resting her hand on her lower abdomen, she thought back to the last time she had her courses. Thinking back to the small calendar she kept in her dresser that she used to keep track of such things, it had been back in June, a few weeks before that night in Fort Kearney. Before she started at the express, her courses had been pretty irregular, which she always attributed to her constant moving and wondering where her next meal was coming from. But since she first arrived in Sweetwater, they had managed to come each month like clockwork. She figured it had to be the easy availability of food that had made her body's cycle easier to keep track of. She hadn't missed her courses in the last year or so, but now as she counted the days since she had left Rock Creek on her fingers, she realized she was more than a week late. Watching the bees once again, Lou tried to tell herself it was just the stress of being on a long run followed by being brought back to the Lakota camp that was causing her courses to be late, despite the nagging in her gut telling her it was more than that.
She followed the bees as they disappeared into a dead tree stump about twenty feet from where she sat. Honey was a special treat and she knew she had to find Magaskawee and Eyota to enlist their help in bringing some of the honey back to the camp. Retrieving her basket from where she had placed it minutes earlier, Lou swung her legs over the log and began walking back to the last place she had seen the women.
She had been walking for only a few minutes when one of the braves from camp stepped out from the path, effectively blocking her way. With panic rising in her chest, she realized she was trapped in the woods with a strange man. He must've recognized the alarm on her face because he motioned to the basket before trying to relieve her of it. A slight feeling of relief washed over her as she realized he just wanted to help her. Handing the basket to the well-formed man, Lou moved forward, attempting to move around him to find the women. He gently placed a hand on her elbow, causing her to jump slightly at the contact before she cast a wary eye in his direction. Seeing the warning look in her eye, the brave removed his hand and guided her back to where the women had stopped when they realized their visitor had wandered off.
Kimimela rushed to Lou's side when she saw their guest had reappeared. She quickly took the basket from the brave and pulled Lou over to where her sister and mother were waiting for her. "Where have you been?" Magaskawee scolded.
"I heard a humming sound and went to follow it," Lou tried to explain.
"We have been searching for you. Luckily, Tahatan found you and brought you back to us."
Lou felt the crimson blush of shame creep over her face. She hadn't meant for anyone to worry about her, but here she was doing the same kind of thing that always drove Kid to worry at home. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry."
"Please do not do that again. Tell one of us if you are going to leave," Magaskawee asked. "I know you must be anxious to return home, and that time is drawing near, but we have assured Pahina Mnimniza that you will be safe and well cared for until he can return with your people."
"I promise," Lou vowed to the unhappy women surrounding her.
"Now, you found something out there, I think?" Magaskawee asked, her tone informing Lou that she was forgiven and the incident was behind them.
"I found a beehive. There should be honey inside if we want to return for it," Lou proudly explained. She watched as Magaskawee's face lit up before she turned to tell Eyota about Lou's discovery.
"Shappa íyéya wic̆háyaz̆ipa c̆hánhanpi ína," she explained to her mother. The healer nodded and motioned for the four of them to head back in search of the honey Lou had found. With the help of Magaskawee, Lou managed to find her way back to the clearing where she had first found the bees.
Once in the clearing, Eyota motioned to Lou to start gathering small pieces of wood. She and Magaskawee set off in search of kindling while Kimimela began clearing a small space to start a fire. She made a small ring of stones, clearing the grass from within the circle and piling it in the middle. With the dry weather they had been having lately during the hot summer months, the grass would help fuel the fire they would need to calm the bees if they wanted to gain access to the hive. Lou quickly returned with a pile of small twigs and sticks in her good arm. Magaskawee was right behind her with a few larger branches full of green leaves that they would need to carry close to the hive. Lou looked curiously at the green wood that Magaskawee carried. Sensing her confusion, the young mother explained, "We need smoke to calm the bees. The green wood will smoke once it is in the fire. Then we can bring the branches over to the hive while we remove some of the honey."
Lou nodded her understanding as she handed the small kindling to Kimimela. Looking around, she noticed that Eyota was conspicuously absent. "Where did Eyota go?" Lou asked as she watched the younger sister tend to the fire.
"She is nearby," Magaskawee said, "She tends to wander off to speak with the spirit world sometimes. Perhaps that is where she is now."
Lou knew that was the only explanation she would get and since she figured Eyota knew these woods better than she did, she was probably fine. With the fire blazing, Lou helped the sisters place the green branches into the flames. Once they were smoking, Kimimela directed Lou to carry the branch over to the tree stump, motioning for her to wave the branch around. Forgetting about her injury, Lou hoisted the smoking branch out of the fire. As she lifted the branch and tried to move it near the hive, Lou felt a sharp pain in her injured shoulder. Dropping the branch, she grabbed her wounded shoulder as tears stung her eyes.
Eyota, appearing out of nowhere, swatted the back of her head, saying, "As̆ Shappa." The healer took Lou by her good arm and pulled her over to where Magaskawee sat by the fire. Turning to her older daughter, Eyota took the infant from her chest and handed the child to Lou. Soon Magaskawee had taken Lou's place by the hive as Kimimela climbed onto a nearby tree trunk to reach into the hive to retrieve some of the golden liquid. Eyota stood watch nearby, bringing over a hollowed out gourd to hold the combs once her younger daughter removed them. Placing the dripping combs into the vessel her mother was holding out for her, Kimimela pulled three large combs from the hive before jumping down from her perch.
Meanwhile, Lou watched the three women work from her place over by the fire. Cradling the tiny infant in her arms, she took comfort from the small body nestled against her chest. Looking down at the child, she watched as her large brown eyes tried to look around before finally focussing briefly on the face looking down at her. Wichahpi's eyes darted around as they tried to take in everything around her. Sitting in the middle of the woods, holding the baby filled Lou with an overwhelming sense of longing. As nervous as she had been around babies previously, mainly because of her own deep seeded fears, somehow that all went away as she rocked little Wichahpi while her mother worked. She was so enamored with the child she held, Lou failed to notice the three women approaching the fire to extinguish it, their task of gathering the honey complete. Magaskawee peeked at her daughter's face, finding her sound asleep in Lou's arms. Deciding it was best to not move her, she helped Lou stand before lifting her guest's basket to her hip. Eyota seemed to know that Lou needed to spend time with Wichahpi and therefore prodded her daughters along, choosing to walk alongside the pale-faced woman as they made their way back to the rest of the women.
Twenty minutes later, Magaskawee, Eyota, Kimimela, and Lou, with baby Wichahpi still sleeping in her arms, arrived at the edge of the trees where the other women had been waiting. Some of the young girls made their way over to where Lou stood. "Shappa," one of them called. Lou looked up at the sound of the now familiar name she had acquired since her rescue in the creek. Seeing three young girls running over to her, she smiled as she looked at their long black braids and smiling faces. "Shappa waonspekiya," they asked the stranger. The three girls had heard the tale of how Shappa had saved Kimimela from the bad men in the creek and they were anxious to meet the brave woman for themselves. Lou figured they looked to be slightly younger than her own sister. Nearby, Eyota kept a close eye on Lou, causing her to shift uncomfortably under her intense scrutiny. The older woman's face showed the hint of a smile briefly before her usual penetrating stare returned.
Shifting the infant slightly in her arms, Lou leaned against a nearby tree so she could lower herself slightly to get closer to the three girls' height. One of them pointed to the tree she leaned on and said, "Can." Lou looked at the three girls in confusion, trying to locate Magaskawee for help. The same girl pointed to herself, saying, "Wachiwi" before pointing to Lou and saying, "Shappa."
Understanding slowly dawned on Lou as she realized the girls wanted to meet her and were trying to introduce themselves. Pointing to herself, she repeated her new name, "Shappa." She then pointed to the baby in her arms, saying, "Wichahpi." She then turned to the first girl, and rolling the unfamiliar name on her tongue tried saying, "Wachiwi," earning a round of smiles and giggles from her new admirers. Soon she was introduced to the other two girls, Ojinjintka and Hantaywee. Once the girls and Lou figured out how to say the others' names, they quickly moved on to naming other things around them. The girls would point to something and say the Lakota word for it while Lou would supply the English word. As she grew more comfortable in her role of teacher, Lou noticed the other women nearby nodding in approval as she took the time to teach their daughters some English words.
Satisfied that they had gathered all that they could for the day, the women started to head back to the village. Lou had returned Wichahpi to her mother once she had woken up and needed to be fed. She once again carried her basket on her right hip, the three girls dancing around her as they all walked back home. On their way, they continued their game of naming objects.
"Tahca," Wachiwi exclaimed, pointing at a deer.
"Tahca...Deer," Lou responded, trying the unfamiliar word before supplying the English word. The girls each repeated their new words as they scanned the landscape for something else to identify.
"Psawognake," Hantaywee said as she pointed towards Lou's right hip.
Looking down, she wiggled the basket at her side saying, "Psawognake...basket."
She nearly screamed when Ojinjintka pointed to a snake, saying, "Wagleza." Luckily it was only a small garden snake, but the three girls giggled when Lou first saw the slithering creature and jumped with a soft cry.
"Snake," she told the girls once she had recovered her wits.
Lou had been so busy with the three girls, she hadn't been paying attention to where they were. They had finally returned to the village and the women quickly dispersed to their tipis, their children in tow. Lou waved goodbye to her three students as they ran off after their mothers, smiling as all three waved back before disappearing from view. She followed Magaskawee as she made her way to the far side of the camp to their shared tipi. Placing her basket on the ground alongside Kimimela's, Lou noticed the pile of blankets, flowers, and pelts outside the shelter had grown in their absence. Walking over to look at the items, she ran her fingers along the soft buffalo fur. Eyota was soon at her side, pulling her hand away from the items, saying, "Mahpiya tho kiyé. Canh́inyan Shappa." While she had heard those words before from Eyota, Lou still had no idea what she was trying to tell her. The older woman knew she was not being understood and so she placed her hand upon Lou's heart, repeating the phrase she had just said moments ago. Placing her hand upon the older woman's work roughened hands, she repeated, "Mahpiya tho kiyé. Canh́inyan Shappa," still unsure of the real meaning. She watched as the older woman took her hand in hers and guided her over to the fire burning outside their tipi.
Having placed her child in her sleeping basket, Magaskawee smiled as her mother brought Lou over to the fire. She and Kimimela were ready to start preparing their evening meal and wanted Lou to help them. Magaskawee handed Lou some potato looking vegetables, instructing her to peel them and chop them up. Taking the knife and a flat stone she was handed to work on, Lou soon set to her task, quickly peeling the wild potatoes. Once she was finished, Eyota pointed to the pot hanging over the fire. Lou motioned to the chopped vegetable before pointing to the pot again. Seeing the older woman nod her head, she slid the potatoes into the pot. Kimimela was busy stirring the meat that had been left to cook while the women went out foraging for the afternoon. The savory broth needed the addition of root vegetables and herbs to complete the meal. Eyota took the knife from Lou's hand, bringing some small green herbs to the flat stone before finely chopping the seasoning.
As the three women were working with Eyota by their side, Wichahpi gave a loud cry, alerting the women to her presence. Magaskawee, who was busy kneading a sticky mixture of tallow, dried bison meat and berries, was looking for something to wipe her hands on so she could attend to her daughter. Noticing her dilemma, Lou offered, "Why don't you finish here and I'll go get her?" Relief showing on her face, Magaskawee nodded her approval before turning back to her bowl of sticky pemmican.
Lou crouched down to find the squalling infant red-faced and howling. Gingerly scooping the tiny girl up, she soon had her cradled in her arms. Remembering her mother after Theresa was born, Lou started walking around camp whispering softly to the squalling infant. Lou placed her index finger near the infant's mouth, startling slightly when she felt a tiny mouth sucking on the digit. Satisfied that the infant was relatively calm, Lou started talking to the child cradled in her arms, "Wichahpi, I'm going to tell you a story? It's about a girl who found a home after many years alone." Pausing to acknowledge the infant's gurgles, Lou began her tale, speaking in a hushed tone. "Once upon a time, there was a young girl who loved her mother and siblings very much. One day, her mother told her they had to run away from home to get away from a bad man. You see, the bad man was the girl's father, and he was always bringing bad people home, which upset the girl's mother. So she decided to take her children far away from him and hide away where he would never find them. For a few months, things were much better for the girl, until her mother got sick and eventually died. She was placed in an orphanage with her younger brother and sister, but the girl was very sad. She missed her mother terribly and she hated being at the orphanage. Before her mother died, the girl had promised to be a mother to her siblings but they were separated at the orphanage because the girl was much older. Three years after she arrived at the orphanage, the girl decided she had to leave, so one night she gathered her meager belongings and ran away. For a few months she survived on the streets of St. Joseph, but it was getting colder and winter was coming. She was all alone, and she was cold and hungry."
Lou walked along the edge of the camp, making her way back to Magaskawee before continuing to stroll back and forth between the fire and their shared tipi. As she walked, she continued her story, "One day, a fancy man found the girl sleeping in the stables and offered her a job doing laundry. Since she had no other place to go, the girl agreed and followed the fancy man to a big house where a bunch of ladies lived. At the time she didn't know what kind of place it was, but it wasn't long before she realized her mistake. A year after she had arrived, the fancy man decided it was time for the girl to have a promotion. Unfortunately, the promotion wasn't what she was expecting and the man hurt her badly. Luckily, the girl was able to run away with the help of one of the ladies there. She was afraid to go anywhere but she knew she couldn't stay there either. So she hopped on the first stage out of St. Joe, not really caring where she ended up."
Stopping by the fire, Lou paused to inhale the fragrant aroma of the meal. She locked eyes with Magaskawee, who was busy shaping the pemmican into small cake-like mounds. The young mother had been listening to Lou's tale as she rocked her infant for her. Her heart was full of sadness for the young woman who had ridden in so bravely and saved her sister from a similar fate. Such a hard life she had lived so far, she thought to herself. Returning to her task, Magaskawee kept her face hidden as she listened to her guest continue.
"With some help, the girl was able to disguise herself as a boy so she could get a better job. After a few years of moving from job to job, she saw a sign looking for orphans. She decided that she could do this job and maybe it would bring her enough money to buy a place and bring her brother and sister to live with her. Within a few days, she arrived to a town called Sweetwater. She was joined by five other boys as well as an older man and a woman. The older man was there to train all the riders and the woman was going to make sure they were all fed and had a place to sleep. For the first time in a long time, the girl felt like she had a home.
"On one of her first runs, she was shot and one of the other boys came to find her. While checking her injuries, he discovered her secret, but promised not to tell anyone else. They eventually grew closer, confiding in each other. The girl grew to like the boy, and soon they fell in love. But things weren't easy for the girl, despite the rest of the boys finding out and agreeing to keep her secret. It was hard to act like a boy all the time while wanting to go back to being a girl. And the boy she loved had a hard time with that. He worried about her every time she left on a run. She felt like he was trying to control her and so they fought. Eventually, they went their own way, but the girl never stopped loving the boy. And while he tried to move on with another girl, the boy still loved the girl. So they had to live together and work together without the other knowing how they really felt."
Magaskawee sat riveted by the fire as her sister slowly stirred the pot of stew. She wanted to hear how the story ended, but it was time to eat and she needed to feed her daughter. She nudged Kimimela, directing her sister to watch over the pemmican so she could attend to Wichahpi. After securing her agreement, Magaskawee headed over to where Lou was standing with her daughter. Ushering the young woman inside the tipi, she took the baby from her and settled down to feed her. "Louise, please sit with me while I feed Wichahpi?" she asked.
Happy to oblige her host, Lou settled herself down upon the soft fur covering the floor. "Does it hurt?" she asked after the dark-haired woman had the child settled against her breast.
"At first, yes, but it has improved. Now it does not hurt, but feels almost like relief. Yes, relief. It makes me very thirsty and sleepy while Wichahpi is eating. You will see," she said with a knowing smile. She watched as the sadness crept back upon the other woman's face. "Why are you so sad when we speak of children, Louise?"
Lou took a deep breath, and pursed her lips together before responding. "I'm not sure I can have children," she blurted out softly.
"May I ask why?"
"About two weeks after I was attacked, I woke in the middle of the night to horrible pains in my stomach and a lot of blood in the bed. I tried my best to hide it, but the woman I was staying with insisted on calling a doctor. He told me the attack may have caused some damage causing my courses to be heavier. What he didn't tell me but told the woman I was staying with was that he thought I may have been with child. I was bedridden for over a week at which point he told me I was better and could go back to my normal activities. She told me later what the doctor had said to her," Lou explained. "I had never been so relieved and so sad all at the same time. My courses were few and far between after that and so I figured that it would be impossible to have children of my own someday. But once I signed on with the express, within a few weeks, things returned to normal."
"You were probably eating better than you had in a while, I think," Magaskawee shared. "Eyota told me before I was married that all sorts of things can affect your courses. Not eating enough can cause your body to make it impossible for you to have a child. She instructed me to make sure I had enough to eat so my body would be ready to carry a child. You should talk to her, I think." Lou sat there numbly nodding her head. Watching the sadness settle on her friend, Magaskawee slowly asked, "I couldn't help but overhear the story you were telling Wichahpi. Would you mind telling me the rest? I would very much like to hear how it ends."
"That's the thing, though. I don't know how it ends," Lou said with a shrug of her shoulders.
"But the girl did tell the boy how she felt, did she not?"
"Yes, she did," she said as a radiant smile spread across her face as she remembered her conversation with Kid nearly a month ago.
"Tell me?"
"Alright," she conceded. "So the girl and the boy continued to live and work together despite not being together anymore. They both tried to hide their feelings from each other but it wasn't easy. Then one day, a girl from the boy's past showed up and he realized he didn't want to be separated from the girl anymore. After his old friend died, the girl told him she would be there for him no matter what. Slowly, they made their way back to each other. Things were slow for a while, and then the girl realized all the things that scared her before didn't matter anymore. She was more scared of losing the boy and decided to tell him how much she loved him. He told her he had always loved her and wanted her to be his wife one day."
"And so they are together again now?"
"Not exactly. The girl had a long run and ended up helping a Lakota girl by the creek. She was hurt in the process and is now living…
"With the Lakota," Magaskawee said with a smile. She could see the tears rolling down Lou's cheeks as she shared the end of her story. Reaching out her hand, she gently squeezed Lou's knee, saying. "Your story is not done, I think. The boy will come. Pahina Mnimniza will bring him here to you. You will see."
"We'll see," Lou said dejectedly. Deep down she knew that if Cody had returned to Rock Creek without her, Kid would have been the first one out of there to come and find her. But if Cody finished the run to Fort Laramie, he would just be delivering the package today and would be a whole week away from Kid and home. If Magaskawee's husband left a few days ago to go find Kid, then she would still have a few more days to wait. Either way, she would have to wait and see what would happen. She was more than a little skeptical that Magaskawee's husband would find Kid or any of the riders for that matter. While Lou hoped it would only be a matter of days until she felt Kid's arms around her, she knew that with each passing day, the chances of that happening were dwindling away.
She was interrupted from her musings upon the entrance of Eyota and Kimimela, each carrying two bowls of stew for their evening meal. Settling down on either side of Lou and Magaskawee, the older woman handed a steaming bowl to Lou along with a spoon carved from a horn before starting on her own meal.
Once the four women had finished their meal, Eyota looked to her oldest daughter before she started to speak directly to Lou. "Watiunma k'el ya kici wanagi tamakoce na wicaapagan wakanya wówanyanke. Cunks! Tókein yaoyaka waéya Shappa " Magaskawee nodded her agreement as her mother proceeded to share her vision.
"Mama had a vision while we were out gathering today, Louise, and she would like me to share it with you," Magaskawee said to Lou.
"Alright. I'd like that," she responded, her eyes on Eyota as her older daughter translated the woman's words into English.
"It is a story of loss and love. Mahpiya Tho travelled far and wide searching for where he could truly belong. Wherever he went, everyone loved him. He filled the air with joy for all the birds and people everywhere. But Mahpiya Tho was sad. Everywhere he looked on his journey he saw friends and families and people together, but he was alone. Then one day, when he least expected it, Shappa flashed through his life like a bolt of lightning. Everywhere he turned, she was there, yet he could not reach her. She was always just out of his grasp. Shappa had travelled a similar path full of her own sorrow, which made her wary of Mahpiya Tho. But try as she might to keep Mahpiya Tho away, Shappa could not. She saw in him her own sadness reflected back. Mahpiya Tho followed Shappa wherever she went, asking her to stay with him. But she could not. She was afraid. Shappa feared most that she would be swallowed up by Mahpiya Tho and so she ran. But Mahpiya Tho would not give up on her. Where Shappa saw sadness, Mahpiya Tho saw love. And so when Mahpiyah Tho saw Shappa dancing across the heavens, he joined her, showing her the beautiful Weayaya they created together. When she saw what their union could create, Shappa fell to her knees, shedding great tears for the world. For Mahpiya Tho had taken her sorrow and turned it into joy," Magaskawee finished.
"That's a beautiful story, Magaskawee. Please tell Eyota, thank you," Lou said softly as she swiped away the tears gently rolling down her cheeks.
"Ina, Shappa kiŋ pikila," she said to her mother, listening carefully to what her mother was saying back to her.
"Shappa Mahpiya Tho kiyé," Eyota said, repeating the words she kept speaking to Lou whenever she was near her.
"What does that mean?" Lou asked. "She keeps saying that to me."
"She is telling you that he is near. Mahpiya Tho is near," Magaskawee explained with a smile.
"Who is Mahpiya Tho?"
"He is the one that you wait for, the one that makes your heart sing with joy. Just like in her vision, he will come for you, follow you anywhere," Magaskawee said, rising to place her sated infant in her sleeping basket for the night. With Wichahpi sleeping peacefully, she motioned for Lou to follow her out of the tipi to clean up from their evening meal. The two walked in silence to the creek where they washed the bowls and spoons before bringing them back to the nearby village.
With the meal cleaned up, the two women sat outside the tipi by the dimming fire under a blanket of stars in the clear summer sky. They were looking up at the twinkling stars above, when Magaskawee said, "You know, Wichahpi means 'star' in Lakota. When she was born, the first thing I saw after her birth were the stars in the sky through the trees. I told Pahina Mnimniza that our daughter should be named after the stars. He agreed and began calling her Wichahpi."
"She is worthy of such a beautiful name," Lou said sadly, closing her eyes under the night sky.
"You did a great thing today, teaching the children those words in English. They have never shown an interest before, despite Th̆ath̆aŋka Íyotake's desire for the children to learn both languages. I think the girls are quite enamored with you. They have heard the stories of your bravery and want to grow to be like you. The other mothers are very happy you took the time to teach their daughters," Magaskawee said.
"It was nothing. They remind me of my sister," Lou replied.
"You have a way with children. There is an ease about you when you are with them, I think."
"I remember what it was like to be curious as a girl and not have anyone to talk to. The nuns at the orphanage wouldn't always want to answer my questions."
"You will make a good mother someday."
"I don't think so."
"Because you think you cannot have children? Let us talk to Eyota. She will ease your mind, I think," Magaskawee said carefully, standing from where she sat by the fire. "Come. We will find her now before bed." Heaving a sigh, Lou stood from her place and walked slowly over to the young woman who had become a good friend to her in such a short time. "She will help you, you will see," she reassured the petite young woman, guiding her into the tipi where her mother was readying for bed.
"Ina, yaiyá ektá Shappa? Yaoyaka oslolye" Magaskawee asked the older woman.
Eyota turned her kind eyes to Lou, watching the sadness settle on the young woman's features as she glanced where Wichahpi lay sleeping. Moving to meet the young woman on the other side of the room, she took Lou's hands in her own, whispering, "Shappa na Mahpiya Tho ayawas̆te ópeya wakanheja, cinca." Placing a hand on her lower abdomen, she added, "Hoksicala, Shappa. Hoks̆iikpignaka." Eyota took Lou's hands and placed them where her hand had just been. Lou saw pure joy in the healer's face as she glanced at her daughter to translate. "Cunks̆!"
Magaskawee placed her arm around the slim shoulders of her new friend, her eyes shining with the same joy as her mother. "Louise, Eyota says you are with child. She has known of this since you were first brought here and she examined you. You and Mahpiya Tho have created Weayaya from your love," she shared.
Lou stared at her in disbelief. "I didn't think it was possible. Is she sure?"
Eyota could see the confusion in her young visitor's face. She was having trouble comprehending her words. She interrupted the two young women, saying, "Shappa na Mahpiya Tho ayawas̆te ópeya wakanheja"
Magaskawee repeated her mother's words for Lou to understand. "You will have many children with Mahpiya Tho. This one is the first of many." Seeing the disbelief on her face, Magaskawee tried to convince her of the truth of her words. "You know I have felt the same way you feel now when I carried Wichahpi."
"I know," Lou whispered, barely able to believe what she knew in her heart to be true. Smoothing her hand over her abdomen, she looked up at Eyota and Magaskawee, who both stood watching her carefully.
"This is good news, yes?" Magaskawee asked, suddenly unsure of her friend's feelings.
"Yes, this is very good news. But, what if…" Lou started, thinking about the last time she was possibly with child and lost it. Although she was grateful at the time, knowing she wouldn't have a constant reminder of that night, she was worried the same thing could happen again. Satisfied that her message was in fact received, Eyota pressed her gnarled hand to Lou's one last time before turning to head to her bed.
"How long after the attack did it happen?" the young woman asked her softly. As the two of them settled down onto Lou's pallet to continue their conversation.
"It was about two weeks later."
"And how long has it been since your last courses?"
"More than five weeks."
"Louise, that time has already passed. But, if it makes you feel better, maybe wait to tell him until some more time has passed," Magaskawee suggested.
"He'll know I'm hiding something from him. He always knows," Lou said with a sigh.
"Let him wonder for a while. Maybe he will figure it out on his own, although most men have no idea about such things. My husband knew I did not feel well but he could not tell what was different. I think the next time it will be harder to keep it from him."
Lou thought about her words for a few minutes, realizing that with Kid not even here, it would be much easier to not tell him about any of this. And if she tried to explain it away as the after effects from hitting her head in the creek, then he might believe her for a little while. "I think that might work, but I'll need to think about it some more," she said, trying to stifle a yawn. While she had slept in until midday today, she was still overwhelmingly tired.
"It is the child making you desirous of sleep. I will let you get to bed. We can speak more in the morning," Magaskawee said. Patting her shoulder, she rose from the pallet and moved to the other side of the tipi where her daughter slept.
Lou carefully untied the laces at her shoulders allowing the deerskin dress to slide from her body. Slipping beneath the soft buffalo fur pelt, she closed her eyes and rested her hand on her bare abdomen. Finally alone in the safety of her own bed, she allowed the tears to fall unhindered from her eyes. The one thing she had feared most, not being able to give Kid a child, had turned out to be unfounded. She knew she still needed to find out how he felt about children since they had never really talked about that. She was too afraid to bring it up for fear of him wanting something she couldn't give him, but she always thought he needed to know everything that had happened with Wicks. While she had told him about that night, she was too afraid to tell him what had happened after for fear that he wouldn't want her anymore. Now, given the news Eyota and Magaskawee had shared with her this evening, she knew she still needed to tell him about what had happened years ago, but knowing that her worst fears were just that, fears, she felt slightly better about telling him everything. And, how would he react to all this? She knew neither one of them had given a thought about being careful when they were together over the last few weeks, but she also didn't want him to think she was trying to trap him. She had to let him know that she wouldn't hold him to anything. If he wanted to go, she would let him. But the thought of living a life without him made the tears fall harder. Rolling to her side, facing away from the rest of the tipi's occupants so she could hide her tears, Lou cradled her lower abdomen vowing to keep the one inside safe no matter what. With her promise firm in her mind, Lou felt slumber finally overtake her exhausted body.