Chapter Five
Later that morning, Steven ate oatmeal while I watched him. Neither of us spoke.
"Should I leave?" I finally asked.
Steven wiped his bowl dry as he put it back in the cabinet. "Do you want to leave?"
I sighed as I slumped my elbows onto the table. "I want to know if you want me to leave," I answered.
He avoided looking at me as he fidgeted with his dishes. "I want you to do whatever you want to do."
"Oh," I said, as I sank into my chair.
Then we said nothing, until Amethyst emerged from the Temple.
"Yo, Steven, where's your old baseball bat?" she asked, as she headed to the fridge and rooted around. "I'm setting up a summer league at Little Homeschool, and I need some extra equipment." She emerged with three heads of lettuce, and tossed in a "Hey Lapis," when she noticed I was there.
I gave her a small wave as Steven wiped sweat from his forehead. "Uh, I-I think you used it to hit rocks into the ocean a couple years ago, I think," he stammered.
Amethyst gave Steven a suspicious look as bit into a lettuce head. "That does sound like something I'd do…but something seems a little…weird here."
Steven glanced over at me, then back at her. "Uh, just getting ready to start a productive day helping out my friends!" he blurted out.
Amethyst narrowed her eyes for a moment, then shrugged and ate the rest of the lettuce in her hands. "I swear, Steven, you need to mix it up a bit—you know, go a little crazy! You work too hard."
He patted her on the shoulder and guided her to the warp pad. "I know, I definitely need to schedule in some crazy time—maybe next week?"
Amethyst gave him a little punch to the upper arm. "Let me know when, buddy. I've got a whole lot of crap saved up that's both flammable and non-toxic!" As she stepped on the warp pad, she added "I'll ask Vidalia if she has any extra bats. 'Burglar beaters,' she calls 'em."
"Sounds like a plan," Steven nodded, with a pasted on smile. "Let me know how it goes."
"Will do! Later, Lapis. Peace out, Steve!" In an instant, she'd warped away.
Steven turned back as I stood and moved towards the front door. "You think she suspected anything?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I'm gonna go, ok? It looks like this was a big mistake."
I saw panic in Steven's eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked, as his voice raised so much in pitch that he almost sounded like he did when we first met.
"You've been acting weird since…" I stammered, before I realized being indirect wasn't getting us anywhere. "Since we had sex. I badly wanted to get closer to you, but…but I'm not ready to fuse again, and I thought…" I threw up my hands and let out a shriek. "This is so damn hard! And now you won't even talk to me!"
"Lapis?" was all he could say.
"Was it that bad?" I asked him, as the thought clobbered me in the head. "Was I…did I do it wrong?"
He looked chastened as he rubbed the back of his head. "I'd never done it before, you know? I don't think you did anything wrong."
Now the darker thoughts entered my mind. "Then what is it? Do you wish it had been her instead?"
"No," he whispered, as he looked away.
He wouldn't look me in the eyes.
I felt a storm brewing inside me. "Don't lie to me Steven. She told you 'no,' but you're still thinking of her!"
"No," he answered again, more firmly this time.
My thoughts raced as I scanned my memories of his face that morning, our bodies entwined. "You were thinking of her the whole time!"
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"
The force knocked me backwards and into the door. Before I realized what had happened, I picked myself up and regained my bearings. I gave an instinctive glance towards the ocean outside and prepared to unleash my power…
Inside the house, Steven's skin had turned pink again. This time, though, he seemed to have grown half a meter in height. He held his hands to his temples and breathed heavily. Finally, he turned to look at me, as I stood in front of him. "Lapis, are you ok?" he asked.
"Are you?" I answered. "What's happening to you?" I unleashed my wings. "I'll go find Garnet and Pearl."
"No!" he pleaded, as his body shrunk down back to its previous height. "See, it's getting better now."
"What was that?" I asked, as his skin returned to its original color. I pulled in my wings and asked "How long has this been going on?"
"It's happened a few times…" he muttered, as he tried to laugh it off. "New powers,. Always something new to discover that I've inherited from my mom, I guess."
I placed my hand on Steven's cheek and looked into his eyes. I thought I'd seen a diamond where his pupil should be, but I decided I must have been mistaken.
"I'm sorry," he told me. "I got carried away for a moment. If I had hurt you, I'd have never forgiven myself." He ran his hand up and down my forearm.
"Steven-" I tried to start.
"Lapis, I'm really…confused right now, ok?"
I smiled; he was finally being honest again. "Well, so am I, so we've got that in common," I sighed.
He nodded, and began to stoke my hair softly. I could feel the sensation through my whole body.
"I'm glad this morning happened, Lapis," he told me, with a look so sweet and kind that I believed him. "Things have been crazy the last couple weeks, and I'm kinda overwhelmed right now. But I'm glad you're here." Then he put his hands on my shoulders, and stiffened straight up, I guess so he could convince himself as well: "I do love you, Lapis. I've always been lucky to have you in my life."
In my mind, I tumbled over what he wasn't saying as much as what he did say, as I whispered "I love you too."
I ached.
I kissed him, and thought back to the sudden force of his rage. The look on his face that I'd only truly seen on my own.
He held me in his arms, and I told myself that he could never actually hurt anyone.
Hurting people—killing people-is what I do.
I kissed him, again and again and again.
I shuddered when I realized part of me admired his outburst. That I wanted to return it to him in kind…or twice over…
A short time later, after we'd gone upstairs to his bed, I imagined taking this sweet boy—my best friend, who'd freed me from my endless prison-and binding him in my chains…
What the hell is wrong with me?