A/N:
If you're reading - thank you ❤️
Pre-read by Pearlyfox, LozzofLondon, DawnBreaker8 & Cullenlvr83 & beta'd by Fran - ladies you're the best!
x
5
Regret
o-O-o
The elevator doors opened, and Bella walked swiftly out of them, hoping to get to the bathroom to freshen up before she saw anyone.
Thankfully, luck was on her side for once, she managed to make it there without anyone noticing her, and she bent over the sink, breathing heavily.
She could still feel Edward's fingers inside of her, her skin tingling from his touch. Her whole body felt hot, every cell saturated with desperation and desire.
She'd cheated on Alec.
The cold realization made her eyes burn with tears, and she felt nausea rise in her gut.
Perfect, loving Alec, who'd none nothing wrong. Who loved her.
She had to tell him, didn't she?
She heard footsteps and quickly dashed into one of the bathroom stalls, slamming it behind her.
Bella really needed to talk to Annabelle. Immediately. How the fuck was she going to handle this?
The regret curdled with her pent-up desire leaving her breathless.
How was it that Edward could excite her that much, from just a kiss? Their connection was catastrophic; the frenzied lust that overtook her in his presence was…
She leaned against the back of the door, feeling a wave of heat rush through her body all over again.
Bella closed her eyes, trying to think of something else, anything else.
The door swung open. "Have you seen Bella?" She heard Annabelle ask. "Penelope thought she saw her coming in here."
"I'm in here," Bella called, waving her hand above the doorway.
She took a deep breath and opened the door. When she stepped out, the other girls had gone, and it was just Annabelle.
"What's the matter?" Annabelle gasped as Bella threw herself into her arms, the silk of her gold dress soft against Bella's wrists.
"I fucked up; I fucked up so bad, Anna…" Bella stammered, close to tears.
"Hey…it's gonna be okay. You're scaring me. What did you do?" Annabelle asked worriedly, pulling Bella over to the sofa in the corner of the bathroom.
Bella sat down and then glanced under the stalls, checking they were empty.
"I kissed Edward," she confessed under her breath.
"You what?" Annabelle screeched.
"Shh!" Bella hissed. "God, Anna, what the fuck do I do? I've royally fucked up."
"Shit. Fucking motherfucking fuck," Annabelle swore, her eyes wide.
Bella didn't even have it in her to laugh at Anna's way with the English language.
"It was just a kiss…" Bella said quietly. "Well…mostly, I mean…"
"Okay," Annabelle said, breathing out slowly. "Okay, this can be handled one of two ways. Number one, you tell Alec, and…it's probably over between you two. You'll have to move out, and…but that's fine, you can stay with me for a minute until you get your own place, so don't panic!" Annabelle was clearly panicking enough for them both, so Bella stayed silent. "Or…you…don't tell him. But if you don't tell him, it can never happen again."
Bella groaned and put her head in her hands. "I…I wish I could say that it won't, but I have no control of myself around him, Anna…none."
"But…you only have one week left to work with him, right? Then you'll barely see him."
"He's still in the hospital, though…even just walking past him kills me. You don't understand…he's like…my weakness Anna. It's always been this way between us, but after he," Bella squeezed her eyes shut, "after things ended, we didn't have to see each other. Now he's here …I can't resist Anna…I don't want to want him, but I'm powerless."
Annabelle was staring at her with a sympathetic expression. "You know…I kind of get it. I feel the same way around Lucas. I've never…" She cleared her throat. "I've never told anyone, but Lucas and I almost…once. While he was with Tess. We were at a party and…we didn't kiss or touch each other, but we expressed to each other that we wanted to, and you know…more. It was…bad."
"I don't know what to do. He's ruining my life." Bella pressed her head to her hands, fighting the urge to cry.
"Look, you have a good thing going with Alec, but…is that what you want? Edward says he loves you; couldn't you give him a chance? And don't give me that shit about you not having feelings for him; I know you still do."
"He hurt me so badly," Bella said, chewing on her lip as she pressed her hand against her chest, feeling that familiar pang. "I…I can't go through that pain again."
"Well, I mean…he's said sorry for that, so…is it out of the realm of possibility that he's changed? That he'd be better this time?"
"Whose side are you on?" Bella accused.
"Yours!" Annabelle said adamantly. "But you know, I love Alec, but he's…he doesn't light a fire under you like Edward seems to. You have to decide who you'd rather have. The safe one, or the one that makes you feel like you're going to die when he touches you."
"How can I give up Alec, he's Mr. Perfect, the person I've built something with from scratch, for someone who's hurt me worse than anything, and I don't even trust! It seems stupid."
"I don't know what to tell you," Annabelle said softly, rubbing her knee. "But whatever you do, not tonight. Just let Alec enjoy his birthday, and you can figure out what to do tomorrow."
Bella nodded, but in the back of her mind, she was wondering if that was even possible. She felt like a writhing mass of guilt and want right now. The sight of Edward would probably excite her all over again, and Alec…god, she was a horrible human being.
"Right. Let's go. I can go," Bella said, forcing herself up.
She looked in the mirror and tugged her dress down a little, ruffling her bangs as she took a deep breath.
"I can do this." She said to herself.
o-O-o
Alec seemed to be having a lovely time, and Bella focused on ensuring it stayed that way, chatting to his friends, making small talk with his boss, smiling at him when they caught each other's eye.
The function was being held in the rooftop bar and restaurant at the Ritz. It was a stunning spot, with a view of the whole city, and it had taken Bella months to plan.
Guilt was still twisting her insides, especially when she felt that burning warmth at the back of her neck that told her Edward was watching her. She didn't let herself look at him, even though her body screamed at her to.
Alec wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her head, "I love you, baby, thank you so much for this."
Bella felt sick, her heart in her throat. "I'm glad you like it," was all she could manage to say, a voice in her head screaming obscenities.
Horrible bitch. Slut. Cheating whore. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve you.
Bella tangled her hand with Alec's, pressing her face into his neck, breathing him in. She would have to tell him what she'd done; she couldn't hide it, couldn't live with the secret.
A few hours later, Bella was in the middle of a discussion with Lucas and Annabelle when one of the caterers told her the cake would be presented soon and to gather everyone in the indoor portion of the bar.
She told her friends to tell the people outdoors while she checked the corridor by the elevator.
Bella was just about to open the double doors when she heard Edward's low voice.
"-and she was jealous."
Bella froze, her hand still resting on the cool wood.
"I told you she would be!" Tanya chirped in response. "Did it work? Did she give in?"
"A little. We started something in the elevator, but…I don't know…I think if we'd been truly alone…we wouldn't have stopped."
Tanya laughed. "I told you as soon as she saw you were losing interest, she'd want you. Women are all the same. Anyway, feel free to use me anytime, Ed. I think it's working on my side, too. Today at work, Sam couldn't take his eyes off me. I think he heard we were dating."
"You're the best fake date I've ever had." Edward's deep laugh rang out.
Bella's blood ran cold.
He'd purposefully riled her up about Tanya, purposefully made her jealous so she'd give in. All that shit about keeping his distance because she asked him to…he was just trying to seduce her.
And it had worked.
She'd fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.
An icy resolve settled in her gut.
Bella pushed the door open, and Edward and Tanya turned to her with startled expressions.
"Sorry to interrupt," she said coolly.
Edward smiled at her, that special smile that went all the way to his gorgeous green eyes. Her heart shivered, her chest panging with a hollow ache. Anger filled the spot swiftly, a flicker of warmth to soothe the coolness.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together when she glared at him.
"I just wondered if you and your fake date were coming inside. There's cake."
Edward's frown deepened. "Why are you so angry?"
Bella stepped through the door, and Tanya actually shrunk backward, her eyes dropping to the ground.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward?" Bella hissed. "How could you…you did this on purpose."
He shook his head, stepping towards her. "Bella, I just wanted…I wanted you to admit your feelings I didn't expect…"
"What?" Bella snapped. "Me to cheat on my boyfriend with you? Of course, you did. That's what you always wanted. Is it just about proving you can have me? Is that what you want from me?"
"No," Edward said angrily, his green eyes glinting at her. "I want you to just be real with me and tell me how you feel."
"How I…feel?" Bella scowled. "Edward, you broke me. I didn't even kiss another man until I was twenty. I cried for months."
Edward's eyes widened; his expression tormented. "I know! But Bella, I was in agony without you too. Just because I…I-"
"I was happy," Bella cried. "Why did you have to come in and ruin everything."
"Were you happy? Truly?" Edward asked, stepping closer to her, deep emerald flashing. "I don't think so, Bella. I think you were settling. Do you love him?"
"Don't," Bella spat at him. "Don't try to…"
"Answer me, Bella," Edward yelled. "Just be honest with me for one fucking minute. You kissed me in that elevator because you wanted me, fucking admit it. Do you love him? Yes or fucking no?"
"No!" Bella practically screamed. "How could I when I'm still in love with you."
Edward froze, and Bella clapped her hand to her mouth in shock. She hadn't meant to say that.
"Bella," she heard Alec say behind her, his voice coated in disbelief, barely louder than a whisper.
She spun in horror.
"Alec…I…I-"
"Don't," he said sharply.
Crystal blue eyes met hers, and the emotion in them shattered her, something under her ribs wrenching painfully. Her pulse was pounding, dread seeping through her, filling every pore of her body.
They stared at each other for a second before Alec brushed past her and started walking towards the elevators.
"Alec, no! Where are you going?" Bella begged in a hoarse voice, closely following behind him.
He was utterly silent as he pressed the button to go down.
"Alec, please, let me explain; I need to explain," Bella tried to say through her sobs, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Just don't, Bella," he said quietly.
"Alec, please talk to me," Bella cried, reaching out for him. "I'm so sorry, I never meant-"
Alec pushed her away gently, the simple motion hurting her more than if he'd shoved her roughly.
"I can't talk to you right now," Alec cut in, his voice hollow. "I need…space."
Bella couldn't see, her vision obstructed by the tears running down her cheeks. "Alec, please!" she pleaded.
The doors opened, and Alec stepped inside, blocking the entrance with his body and staring at the wall on the side, avoiding her gaze.
Bella tried to step forwards, but Alec pushed her back again, not looking at her once as the doors closed.
Bella's hand slammed into the button, but it was too late, the whirring noise of the lift filling the corridor.
Her breath was coming out in rough pants, "No, no, no, no."
"Bella, we need to talk," Edward said behind her.
She spun to him, a wave of fury crashing into her, making her fists clench. "We have nothing to talk about."
Edward gave her an incredulous look. "You just admitted you're in love with me. I think we fucking do."
She turned back to the elevator, waiting for it to arrive.
Maybe she could still catch him. She had to apologize, to explain to him…
God, he didn't deserve this.
"Bella," Edward hissed behind her, grabbing her arm and spinning her to face him.
She shoved him backward, glaring at him.
"This is all your fault," she snapped, jabbing her finger into his chest. "You're ruining my fucking life."
Edward glared at her. "That's not fair! I know I hurt you, but I'm here now, and I love you. I'm here, Bella, I'm here, and I'm willing to do whatever it fucking takes to make you mine. If you think for one fucking second, I'm going to let you walk away from this, from us, then you're wrong."
"I hate you," Bella spat at him.
Edward shook his head, those green eyes staring into hers sadly. "No, you don't."
The elevator dinged behind her, and Bella ran inside, pressing the button for the lobby.
Edward didn't move, just stared at her, his expression tormented as the sliding doors closed, cutting him off from her sight.
A/N Well, what are we thinking?!
Thank you so much for reading and for all the love so far - every single review makes my day ❤️
Little fic rec - Go read Little Black Heart by yellowglue, it is absolutely phenomenal!
See you in the next one,
Ella xx