Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. Enjoy.
Another week at Forks High had come to a close and Angela and I were spending Friday night at The Mill. It had become somewhat of a 'thing', most Friday evenings spent recapping the week over drinks, before going our separate ways over the weekend. For a nice change, our conversation had not been dominated by work tonight, but instead by Angela's 'first time' with Ben. Angela went into quite specific detail, so much detail that I'd almost choked on a corn chip.
"Oh my god, Bella Swan. You're a Prude!" Angela laughed, her head tilted back, glasses slipping onto her forehead.
"Ange! I've had sex...just not good sex," I mumbled as I stared at the warm beer I had just swallowed in an effort to clear the culprit corn chip.
Like most women my age, I'd experimented in college. I'd had a few short-term boyfriends, I even had a few one night stands. Sexually, these experiences weren't great. They were not experiences I thought back on fondly, not stored in my memory to go back and visit on sleepless nights, torn between feeling hungry or needing to get myself off.
To be brutally honest, the sex itself could only be described as just... a little boring. These encounters were never like the books or the movies described; no heat, no flame. Sometimes in the early stages of hooking up I'd feel it, something, a spark if you could call it that. It would start in the pit of my stomach and it would rise, slowly, it felt thick like smog and just as I began to enjoy it, it would fizzle, fade away. I'd spend the next part of the act going through the motions, moving my body here, my arms there, making sounds I was sure I was supposed to make, all while wondering where that feeling had gone and whether or not I'd walk home or catch a cab. Too embarrassed to teach them, the boyfriends and the boys I hooked up with in college couldn't touch me like I touched myself. Wasn't I just supposed to feel something? Wasn't it just supposed to work? Surely I wasn't meant to give them a step-by-step walk through?
Angela's voice pulled me out of my own head.
"Sorry, Bella, it wasn't my intention to make you feel bad. I was just ribbing you." She totally felt sorry for me, guilt written all over her face as she straightened her glasses on her nose. "It's bound to happen, right? You'll feel it. I honestly feel like I've kissed a lot of frogs."
I spat out my beer, laughing at Angela's statement.
"Ben is just so different..." She trailed off, resting her chin on her palm.
We both sat quietly, a comfortable lull taking over the conversation. I began peeling at the paper of my beer, dragging my nails along the smooth glass bottle. I couldn't tell Angela the truth, and I certainly didn't want to admit it out loud. I had felt it.
I had felt it with the absolutely worst, wrong person I could have felt it with. Surely a misreading, the feeling an accident? It couldn't be real. Deep down, a part of me knew that I had felt something for my student that I ethically and morally should not have felt. Something I hadn't felt with a man my own age, ever. Edward may be seventeen but this blip on the radar, although small, still a blip and completely inappropriate. I shook my head clear of my thoughts and tried to focus my attention back on Angela. "It's getting late, we should probably head out, right?"
Angela nodded, and we both made our way out of the bar.
I waved goodbye to Angela and walked the short distance to the cab stand. Angela had plans with Ben tonight, and I figured I'd allow myself to indulge and get a cab home. I wasn't exactly drunk, but I did have a buzz, the alcohol adding an extra layer of warmth. I looked up to the blackness that shrouded the sky and smirked at the stars that peeked through. Forks was actually quite pretty at night, maybe life here wouldn't be all that bad?
In the distance I could hear the rumbling of drunks. Shouting, laughing, and the sound of bodies hitting into one another. It sounded like they were having fun. Maybe too much fun. The noise grew louder.
Please don't be around the corner. Please don't be around the corner. I repeated the mantra in my head as my feet moved me closer to the sound. I rounded the corner to the cab stand when they were suddenly in front of me - two men. My surroundings were so dark that it couldn't even describe them as anything other than drunk.
"Going somewhere, sweetheart?"
I kept my head down. If I ignored them they'd go away. I could hear the noise of the road traffic ahead. I just needed to get to the cab stand. Suddenly one of them moved to step in front of me. I could smell him, he reeked of beer and fish. My stomach lurched and I kept my head down.
"What's wrong? You'd be prettier if you smiled." He reached out and touched my hair. I jerked backwards.
His voice pierced through the night. I heard him.
"Get the fuck away from her!" Edward stood in front of me, his words best described as a snarl. He stood tall, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly. His hands were splayed at his sides.
Both men fell into one another, they were legless and without the aid of the nearby wall they would have tumbled onto the ground.
Partially hidden by Edward's body, he'd taken my jacket sleeve in his hand as in some effort to keep me back. I felt safer here, but also nervous. I didn't know how much of a threat these two men posed. Edward was only 17, they were grown men.
The man who originally spoke to me seemed to develop some courage. He stepped forward, standing directly in front of Edward. When he spoke he looked only at me. "Maybe she shouldn't be walking in the dark all alone."
Edward said nothing.
I heard footsteps. They were leaving. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"She was asking for it," the man's voice hung in the air.
The events that happened next were blurry. Edward no longer in front of me, but now speaking up close into the faces of the two men. I couldn't hear what he said, but whatever it was, it was enough for them to scuttle off like cockroaches into the dark night.
I stood stunned, my mind slowly processing what had just happened.
"Twice now you've come to my rescue, Edward. What are you, my own personal superhero?" I stammered as I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, fidgeting with my bag strap. I didn't want to think about what would have happened had he not been there. I continued to fidget.
He didn't laugh. "Do you need a lift home, Miss Swan?"
I looked at my watch. It was now 10:30 and I didn't want to argue. At this point I just really wanted to get home, even though the person taking me home was probably the last person I should be in a car with.
Edward's eyes looked different again. I tried to study his face, but as if he knew my intentions, he turned away. I shuffled behind him on the way to his car, desperate to not appear buzzed.
The Volvo was warm, unnaturally warm, Edward having cranked up the heat to the highest setting. Just as I went to turn the air down, his hand brushed past mine. "Jesus, your hands are cold," I blurted out. I hadn't felt anything that time, like I had with the mitten. His hand just... cold. Could this all be in my head? Had I been overthinking this whole thing? I looked out the window, and recalled Renee's constant nagging about living in my own head. Stop overthinking things, Bella.
Edward's response brought me back to the car. "Poor circulation," he muttered as he sped through the quiet streets.
"So, what were you doing out so late, Edward?" The car ride was too quiet and I needed to do something to break the silence.
"Esme… I mean my mom wanted dark chocolate and we didn't have anything at home. So I offered to go out and get it."
I nodded. I hadn't seen him carrying chocolate and he didn't have a bag from the store. Could it be in his jacket pocket? I considered asking him, but was distracted by the song playing from the stereo.
Hey teenager of the year
Win the chance to judge your peers
Hey teenager of the year
Your new life begins right here
"Edward, this song is 8 years old. What were you, a very moody 9 year old?"
He laughed, like really laughed. It was the first time I'd actually heard him do it. It was so different to how he usually sounded. "I have what you might call… an eclectic taste in music. All years, most genres, I don't really discriminate."
"This was in one of my favourite films, it's based on a book I read in high school." I murmured, tracing the leather detailing of the cab with my fingers.
"Looking for Alibrandi?"
"Correct!" I clapped my hands together and Edward let out a small laugh again. "I'm too tired to get into how you know that, and how you even know Sadako, but I have to say your music and book tastes are pretty impressive for a 17 year old."
Edward moved a hand from the steering wheel and raked it through his hair. He tugged on it. "Guess you could say I'm mature for my age, Miss Swan." He turned and smirked at me, raising an eyebrow.
I felt myself blush immediately looking down at my lap as I spoke. "You know, outside of school hours you can call me Bella. You don't have to call me Miss Swan." I looked up at him, curious to see his reaction.
Edward didn't smile. His eyes fixed firmly on the road.
I heard the gravel of the driveway under the wheels of the Volvo's tires and knew my car ride with Edward Cullen was soon to be over. The car came to a very quiet stop, and Edward and I sat in a comfortable silence, another familiar song playing on the stereo. Debussy, Clare De Lune - he was right, he did have an eclectic taste in music.
It was weird. The whole situation...weird. I could have sat there for hours. Just sitting. I tried to make conversation. Tried to keep myself there in this moment.
"My mom used to play this when I was a kid. It was our 'relaxation' music." I used my hands to emphasize the word relaxation and giggled.
He ran his hand through his hair again, his expression unreadable. His fingers flexed back and forth on the steering wheel.
"Do you miss her?" He sounded a little sad as he asked this.
"I think it's good we are having a little break from each other, to be honest. But yeah, I guess maybe a little bit?"
The motion sensor light of the porch caught my attention. Immediately reminded of the fact that I couldn't sit here for hours, I began unbuckling my seatball. I didn't want to be seen sitting in a car with a student at 11pm on a Friday night. "I better go. Thank you for the lift… and for what happened back there," I gestured over my shoulder like the scene at the cab stand was behind me.
Edward just smiled and quickly, almost too quickly, he stood outside of the car, opening up the passenger side door.
I took a quick look at my reflection in the glass. The beer and the heater being so high in the car had made my cheeks blossom and my eyes glassy. My lips were red, the blood pooling to the surface from my endless chewing during the drive. Thankfully my mascara and eyeliner were still intact, but there was a wildness to my appearance. My neck flushed, I looked an absolute mess. I stumbled out of the car and Edward gripped onto my arms, helping to steady me.
His hold was strong. Secure and safe in his grasp, I didn't move at first. I didn't want to. I stood silently, staring at him. His eyes were amber, lips the rosiest shade of pink. His face so pale, but still handsome, every feature defined. Realizing my inappropriate train of thought, I stood back quickly and I found myself walking to the front door of the house. I unlocked my door to let myself in, then turned to see him still standing there in the place I'd left him. I gave a small wave and made my way inside.
That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen.
Author Note:
As always, a massive thank you to my beta team TheBaseBallGirl, Teaandsolitude & JennaReads without you this story would be living on my notes app, or just as random bits and pieces in a google doc.
Teenager of the year is a song by Australian band 'Lo-tel'. It featured in the classic Australian film 'Looking for Alibrandi' which was based on the book by Melina Marchetta. Funnily enough, the novel is still a High School text in Australia today.