Chapter Four: Lockhart the Great
There are several dialogue quotes taken from JK Rowling's Chamber of Secrets in this book. This is to convey the same story she wrote, but from another character's POV. The quotes taken directly from the book have three quotation marks (instead of two) around them to signify she wrote them and that I am citing them. Because I am transforming pieces of her work into something new this falls under the Fair Use Act. Additionally, JK Rowling has stated that she is okay with noncommercial fan fiction. All direct quotes, the Harry Potter storyline, and the characters all belong to JK Rowling.
As always, Draco was met with great dissatisfaction to see Harry Potter smugly sitting at the Gryffindor table the next morning at breakfast. "God dammit," Draco muttered, slamming the table.
Pansy jolted, frightened by the noise. "You seem to be in more of a mood than normal," Blaise poked. "I'm not sure what you expected."
"I'm just stressed," said Draco plainly. "What do Slytherins have first today?"
"Defense Against the Dark Arts with Lockhart," Pansy said, blushing.
"Pansy fancies him," Daphne teased.
Pansy looked mortified at her friend's assertion, and Blaise scoffed, "All you ladies fancy him. It's biological or something."
"I don't," Daphne argued. "I don't find him at all appealing."
"Neither do I!" Said Pansy, a lot less convincingly. She tried to meet Draco's eyes to see if he cared, but he just continued to eat, not phased in the slightest.
"Your face says otherwise," said Blaise.
Pansy opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off by someone shouting at the top of their lungs.
"'— STEALING THE CAR, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF THEY'D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE —'"
The four Slytherins turned around to see a deep red envelope screaming at Ron. "Someone got a howler," Blaise chuckled. Both he and Draco let out thunderous laughs at Ron's misfortune.
"'— LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WE DIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS, YOU AND HARRY COULD BOTH HAVE DIED —'"
Pansy and Daphne both had their hands over their ears. The meer volume of the voice was enough to shake the tables in the great hall. It was louder than any human could possibly be.
"'— ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED — YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME.'"
At this point, Ron's face was more red than the envelope itself. It burst into flames, and a small pile of ashes soon laid in front of the mortified boy.
"Come on!" Daphne muttered, pulling on Blaise and Draco's arms, as they howled with laughter. "Let's get to class early so we can make a good impression, and get Pansy a front row seat."
"Shut up Daphne!" Pansy moaned.
Draco grabbed a green apple and put it in his robe pocket to eat later. Then, the four Slytherins made their way to the defense against the dark arts classroom, and sat up front together to give the impression to their new teacher that they were very serious about their studies.
"Maybe he won't be too bad," Draco admitted. "His fondness for Potter is nauseating, but he has to be a better teacher than boring old Professor Quirrell. I'm pretty sure his dark lord given the task last year, was his first real taste of the dark arts."
"You need to learn when to close your mouth," Daphne said, sternly. "We of all people can't be caught talking about dark magic."
Blaise rolled his eyes, "Learn to live a little."
Slowly, the rest of the class trickled in, but there was no sign of Professor Lockhart. Everyone chatted happily, and messed around for a while, but twenty minutes after class was supposed to have started, people were ready to leave. A few students grabbed their books and headed out the door.
Finally Professor Lockhart entered, "My deepest condolences," He shouted loudly. "You have no idea what I have been caught up with."
Pansy's face turned a deep shade of scarlet as he whipped his turquoise cape off in a dramatic fashion, and threw it onto her desk.
"You wouldn't mind folding that up for me dear, would you?" Lockhart asked, with a wink.
"Oh hell no," Daphne scoffed, and started to stand up in protest. Blaise grabbed her arm and pulled her back down into her seat, keeping her from causing a scene.
"No need to fight over me!" Lockhart exclaimed. "I promise there is enough of me to go around."
Daphne put her head in her hands and stared down at her desk in pure anger. She didn't want to look at Lockhart or Pansy, who really was neatly folding up his cape like some sort of house maid. Draco and Blaise were smirking, trying to decide what to make of this guy.
"You see," Lockhart proclaimed, as he paced around the front of the class. "I was instructing Professor Sprout on how to properly care for the Whomping Willow. She is a smart witch, she just doesn't have the real life experience I do. Helping her was the least I could do considering it was really my fault your classmates drove that car into the tree anyways."
The class erupted with confused murmurs, but Lockhart had no issue speaking over them loudly. "Yes, I will admit it was stupid of me to give young Harry Potter a taste of stardom. I believe that having him pose with me in the daily prophet ignited a need in him... a need for fame and popularity." At this point Lockhart was half wailing. "It hurts me to no end, knowing that had he or Mr. Weasley been hurt, I would be partially to blame. However, who am I kidding. I would have never let that happen." He ended with an enormous grin.
Draco clenched his fist underneath the desk. "As if Potter needed some geezer to encourage him," he sneered through clenched teeth.
"Now," said Lockhart, walking over to Daphne's desk and picking up her copy of Voyages with Vampires. "'Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award — but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!'"
None of the Slytherins laughed, not even Pansy who was just staring up at him blankly. Lockhart continued, "I see you all brought a complete set of my books, but just that won't get you very far in my class. Hopefully you all read through all of them, because we are starting off today with a quiz, and I must warn you that it is a bit tricky.
Draco thought through each of the books trying to come up with the most important information from each. He knew he needed to make a good impression, and more than that, he needed to please his father by being top of the class. Draco was so deep in thought, he didn't even notice when Lockhart put a copy of the quiz face down on his desk.
"'You have thirty minutes — start — now!'" Lockhart shouted, snapping Draco back to reality. He was thinking through how he would describe Lockhart's dark arts technique in Year with the Yeti, when he flipped the page over.
"'1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart'sgreatest achievement to date?'"
(Excerpt from Harry potter and the Chamber of Secrets by JK Rowling).
There were fifty-four questions in total, that spread across three pages. Draco scoffed audibly and looked to Blaise who was just as baffled. Daphne looked as if she was about to explode in anger. Only Pansy was scribbling away, unbothered. Draco tried to look across Blaise, and Daphne's desks to see what Pansy was writing, but was met by Lockhart's eyes.
"I understand that your motivation to please me must be very high, but everyone please keep your eyes on your own paper." He shouted with a large grin.
Daphne filled in answers sporadically, making educated guesses, and trying her best to remember. Blaise gave Draco a huge grin and covered his paper so that Draco couldn't see what the hell he was writing. Draco just sat there, not really sure what to do. He didn't know the answers to any of it.
Draco was pissed. He needed to do well. He needed to be first in the class, but how was he supposed to know the answers to any of these questions. This was supposed to be defense against the dark arts class, not a Gilderoy Lockhart seminar. "Surely Father will understand," he thought, but he really wasn't quite sure of that.
Finally at the end of a very painful half hour, Lockhart collected the papers and started rifling through them. By the look on his face, clearly the second year Slytherin class had disappointed him gravely.
"Some of you clearly didn't even try!" Said Lockhart, poorly trying to conceal his disappointment. He looked like a small child pouting over having to share his toys.
"Some of you didn't fill out a single question," he said, looking to Draco and then a few others. "One of you thought it would be funny to lie," he said looking at Blaise. "I find it hard to believe that you think my secret ambition is to serve the Dark Lord, Mr. Zabini." The entire class erupted with laughter. "Or that my ideal birthday gift is Dr. Pinguis' Thinning Elixir."
"Honest mistake sir," Blaise said sadly, looking at his desk. "Must have confused you with someone else."
As soon as Professor Lockhart looked away, Blaise sent a smug wink in Draco's direction. "However," Professor Lockhart continued. "At least one student in this class is showing potential... Ms. Pansy Parkinson, you managed to get all the questions correct! If anyone has any questions about the source material I suggest you go to her, because she is clearly very academically inclined."
Draco and Blaise transpired a smug look and immediately stood atop their desk chairs, applauding Pansy loudly.
"That's quite enough," Lockhart started, but slowly the other Slytherins followed suit, standing up on their chairs and applauding Pansy.
"Oh alright, yes, but quickly settle down!" Lockhart cried, trying to hide his distress. "I think this is a good time to end class. Everyone dismissed."
The four Slytherins made their way to the greenhouse for Herbology with the Ravenclaws. Pansy's face was still red with embarrassment after the display in Lockhart's class. "What a complete twat, am I right?" Draco asked, grinning.
"Yeah, but we got quite even," Blaise answered.
"Even I have to admit, that your actions, stupid as they were, were quite funny." Daphne said, trying to hide a smile with her hand.
Pansy refused to look at any of them. Blaise poked her shoulder lightly.
"Why would you guys do that to me?" She said bursting into tears. "You guys are just jealous that for once I am better than you at a class. Why do you have to turn it into a joke just because you guys think it's stupid."
"What? No- Pans, we weren't making fun of you. We were making fun of him," Blaise protested.
"Really? Because it really didn't feel that way when you gave me a sarcastic round of applause for getting every question right." Said Pansy.
Draco shifted around uncomfortably. He didn't like to appear weak or empathetic, but now that the adrenaline was wearing off, he did feel quite bad.
"You're right," said Daphne. "It was pretty thoughtless of us. We won't do anything like that again."
"Seriously Pansy, it was a stupid mistake. We swear we didn't mean it as an insult to you," said Blaise.
Pansy looked between the three of them unsure of whether to forgive them so quickly. Draco reached into his pocket and pulled out the apple he had stored away for later, and reached up to take a bite. Daphne elbowed him hard in the rib, trying to prompt him to say something.
"Oh uh, what they said," Draco said, and Daphne gave him an exasperated look. "You can have this Pansy," Draco continued, holding out the apple. "I'm not hungry."
"Oh, uh, wow, thank you," Pansy said, too distracted to be angry anymore.
"We'll even put the subject of Lockhart off limits since you fancy him," said Blaise.
"I don't have a fancy him!" Pansy exclaimed, with a little too much emphasis on the "him".
"Oh?" Said Blaise, grinning. "Then who-"
"I'm glad we were able to work this out, but we need to get to class now," said Daphne, pulling on Pansy's arm to help her out of the situation. The two of them quickly walked inside the greenhouse.
"She won't even tell us, when we are just as much her best friends as Daphne," said Blaise shaking his head.
"Tell us what?" said Draco who had completely zoned out.
"Who she fancies, stupid," Said Blaise
"Why would we care who she fancies, stupid." Draco answered. "Let's get to class."
Inside the greenhouse Professor Sprout was standing behind a bench covered in winter earmuffs. "'We'll be repotting Mandrakes today. Now, who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake?'" She asked.
No one raised their hand. "Oh come on, I know that some of you know the answer!" Said Professor Sprout, rolling her eyes. "Draco, I'm sure you can inform us."
"'Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative,'" said Draco, reciting the textbook definition word for word. "'It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state. However, the cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it'"
"Correct!" Professor Sprout said. "However, only five points to Slytherin because you should learn to speak up when you know the answer to something. Now, everyone please grab a pair of earmuffs. We will be replanting them into bigger pots today. These Mandrakes are still young enough that their cries won't kill you, but it would knock you out for several hours so please make sure your earmuffs completely cover your ears."
Professor Sprout pulled a mandrake out of it's pot and suddenly everyone's hands went to their earmuffs, trying to push them down harder to block out the noise. The mandrake's "roots" looked like a dirty wooden baby, and the shrill screams from the baby were nauseating. Professor Sprout quickly put the mandrake into a new pot and filled it with soil until the thing quieted down.
"Alright everyone," Said Professor Sprout. "Four to a tray. I want everyone to have potted all the Mandrakes on their tray by the time class ends."
Blaise, Draco, Daphne, and Pansy all worked together. Luckily for Pansy, this opportunity did not give them much of an opportunity to speak with one another. The Mandrakes were heavy and stubborn. They were hard to yank out of the pot, and it was even harder to get them in the new one. They fought back with kicking and punching, way beyond the strength of a human baby.
By the end of class, everyone was exhausted and ready for lunch. The four Slytherins grabbed their food from the hall and took it outside to eat as a picnic in the courtyard. Crabbe and Goyle joined them, but as always, paid no mind to any conversation that was taking place.
Their meal was quite pleasant and Draco was enjoying himself. At least he was until he heard a shrill voice standing in front of Potter, talking a million miles a minute, "'So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you... maybe your friend could take it and I could stand next to you? And then, could you sign it?'"
"What?!" Draco shouted. "He is signing photographs now? This is a new low, even for him." Draco immediately got up, and Crabbe and Goyle quickly followed after him as if they were trained watch dogs waiting for a moment like this. At this point, Pansy, Daphne, and Blaise didn't even try to stop him. They had come to learn that it was just best to let Draco confront Harry and get his anger out of his system.
"'Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos?'" Draco shouted angrily. He looked into Harry's eyes and saw how embarrassed he was to be called out. However Draco didn't care, it was his own damn fault for offering signed photos in the first place, and now everyone would get to see how big headed he was. "'Everyone line up!'" Draco shouted. "'Harry Potter'sgiving out signed photos!'"
Now Blaise was intrigued. "Oooo me first!" He shouted sarcastically, running over to the front of the large crowd that was forming.
"'No, I'm not,'" Harry spit under his breath, trying to keep everyone else from hearing what was transpiring. "Shut up, Malfoy." But this was to no avail. Practically half the courtyard had gathered to see what was going on.
"'You're just jealous,'" squeaked the young boy who had been trying to get a signed photo from Harry.
"'Jealous?'" Draco laughed loudly. "'Of what? I don't want a foul scarright across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself.'"
"'Eat slugs, Malfoy,'" said Ron, trying his best to look threatening. Crabbe and Goyle turned to him, and cracked their knuckles meanicingly. Ron hadn't used his wand, but it was clearly a threat, as "eat slugs" was the incantation to a nasty jinx.
"'Be careful, Weasley,'" said Draco in a fake concerned tone. "'You don't want to start any trouble or your mommy'll have to come and take you away from school." He made his voice shrill. "If you put another toe out of line —'"
All the Slytherins laughed, including Pansy and Daphne who were still watching from afar. "'Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter,'" said Draco, smugly."'It'd be worth more than his family's whole house —'"
Ron grabbed his wand and pointed it towards Draco, when someone muttered "'Look out!'"
Draco turned to see Professor Lockhart strutting towards them. "'What's all this, what's all this?'" he asked. "'Who's giving out signed photos?'"
Harry opened his mouth, but Lockhart spoke again before he had the chance. "'Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Harry!'" Lockhart cried, putting his arm around him.
Draco was furious, but his expression changed to a smirk when he saw Harry's face flushing deep red. He made his way through the crowd, pulling Blaise out with him.
"'Come on then, Mr. Creevey,'" Draco heard Lockhart exclaim happily, as a child who was given candy would."'A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it for you.'"
Blaise and Draco made their way back over to Pansy and Daphne, leaving Crabbe and Goyle to enjoy the spectacle. "Well I feel much better," Draco said smugly. "Let's get to transfigurations shall we?"
The day was so eventful, Draco had practically forgotten all about the Chamber of Secrets, the basilisk, and the fact that he needed to make the Slytherin team while being top of his class.
Blaise grabbed Pansy's arm, and let Daphne and Draco get several strides in front of them. "You're at least telling me who you fancy," said Blaise.
"Why should I?" asked Pansy.
"Because if you don't, you can expect all of Slytherin to be teasing you about you fancying Lockhart by sundown," said Blaise.
"Well if you're really as smart as you think you are, then you already know." Pansy answered, glaring at him.
Blaise looked at her blankly for a moment, before laughing, "Yeah I suppose I do."