Oof, so this one is meant to be part of a larger piece, but it was such a hard scene to write that I felt too drained to continue immediately (especially because I'm currently nearly as sleep deprived as Towa!). It stands on its own well enough to post, so I didn't think it was necessary to just let it sit on my hard drive. Also, it's a good opportunity to tell you that all of the previous stories have been edited! "Training Wheels" and "The Truth Hiding Underneath" didn't receive massive overhauls, but the former does have a completely new short scene attached to the end and the latter got some key grammatical revisions and the introduction of a minor but VERY important detail. I'll get back to writing this soon!

Rean x Towa: The Lost Chapters

A Short Story Series by Novem's Natural Roll

New Minor Event 2: Love Unspoken – Part I

Takes Place During: Trails of Cold Steel I – Finale

Second Draft

"Then it's a promise." Towa says, acknowledging Rean swearing that he'd make the school even better the next year, once she was graduated and gone. It warms her heart to know how committed he is, to know that someone will be here to make sure the work continues. The roiling that had been there upon thinking that all of the people who looked to her for guidance wouldn't have anyone to look to then faded as if it'd never been there at all. Though, her heartbeat that had been racing ever since Rean had asked her to dance certainly wasn't going anywhere.

She was glad it was difficult to see how red her cheeks were in the dark, even if she consciously knew that someone as perceptive as he was could probably see that anyway. But that was the great thing about him, wasn't it? He'd let her live in the fantasy that he couldn't. A fantasy that helped her think back over how the dance had felt without any shame. Looking forward into the flames of the bonfire, red spikes and orange sparks flaring out steadily from the pile of wood beneath, she lives in that past moment for a few precious seconds. She relives how free she had felt from all of the obligations she'd piled on herself, how free she'd felt to just let it all go and fall forward into his arms. Having him lead the dance had given her something she never wanted, but so often needed… a freedom from responsibility that didn't leave her roiling with guilt. Because she could feel it in their dance, the heartbeat that she could hear in his chest… that he needed the relief of this prancing as much as she did, that he relished the moment as much as she did.

Of course, it wasn't just that. It was how committed he had been to her since the festival started. Running around putting out fires before they even started, acting in every way as a model member of the Student Council despite his completely unofficial status within it. Repeatedly giving her the excuse to set aside her job and indulge in all the fun things she'd worked so hard to help bring to the festival for everyone, so that she could feel and not just see all of the things her hard work had accomplished. And even Class VII's performance, making her feel like that embarrassment she'd suffered had truly been worth it… if only for their sake and that of her own friends.

All of it allowed her to be just a little bit selfish for once, but without it feeling as if she really was being all that self-absorbed. She knew it was a lie, but it was a very comfortable one… one that she loved sinking into, one that made her harmlessly, sincerely, happy. It was truly a gift he'd given her, and she appreciated it more than she could possibly tell him, and more than she'd be willing to admit… even to herself. After all, she can't help but feel it's all a little indulgent, that she could be doing more. It's just who she is, who she loves being… the one people look to for help when they need it, the one who's first thought is for others. And not only because it feels good or makes her happy, and not even just because it helps her feel like her grandfather would've been proud of her, but because it minimizes the pain in the world around her, and thus the pain she naturally feels for the people around her.

Still, there's one selfish thing she can't help but hope for, and everything that had happened over these past couple of days with Rean had even built up a little confidence she has that it's not just a dream… but a truth. A truth which would make her unbelievably happy, that she'd be willing to embrace no matter how guilty she felt, and that she wanted no matter how arrogant it made her feel. A thing so simple, but also a thing she'd always felt was beyond someone like her. The romantic love of someone she herself cared for just as deeply.

So after staring into those flames for the longest time, and after digging her fingers into the dirt beneath her until they turn white, she turns back to Rean with her biggest blush yet and begins to speak.

"R-Rean!"

Her sudden assertiveness freaks him out a bit, he almost jumps off the outcropping at the ridiculously determined stare she's drilling into his eyes.

"W-What is it, Towa?"

She stammers for a bit, trying to speak, then suddenly buries her face in her hands. She speaks into them, muffling her words.

"Sorry Rean, this is so embarrassing to ask about, so it's really hard for me to say what I need to."

"Hey, don't feel the need to rush it." He places a hand on her shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere."

She looks toward his hand, though not removing her own hands from over her face as she does so.

"But you need to, soon. After all, you want to get back to make sure your sister's having a good time, don't you?"

He scratches his head.

"Well, you're not wrong, I guess. But I don't want to leave you here like this either… even if, not going to lie, it does make me happy to see you really showing off your feelings like this." Noting the hands over her face, he grins a little awkwardly. "Or well, somewhat at least. I'm at least glad you admitted to me that this all feels emotional for you."

Towa sighs and lowers her hands. She sucks in a deep breath, and explosively lets it loose.

"I-It won't take long I think, I just need to say it."

"Then go ahead. Don't worry, whatever it is, I won't judge you. After all, you never judge me…"

"Okay. I'm going to say it."

She's shuddering and balls her fists over her chest, unclenching them repeatedly to relief her stress. Finally, she turns to Rean.

"S-So Rean! I'm older than you, and I'm also not stupid!" He cocks his head in confusion, after all it's not as if he wasn't aware of both of those things. Though maybe she was still stuck on the head patting… She corrects him of that notion quickly. "When a boy takes a girl to all of the different festival events like you did, especially spending most of a limited supply of tickets on them like you did, and then asks her to dance like you did… that…" She gulps, and as he starts to understand what she's getting at, he does too. "That kind of suggests something pretty specific, don't you think!?"

He doesn't know what to say. He knows exactly what she means, but tries to get himself out of it anyway.

"I-I don't know what you me-"

"Please don't do that Rean." It's not an order, or even a request in the strictest sense. It's not one she'd punish him in any way for, and his urge is one she clearly understands and respects. He can do it anyway and she'll assent. He knows that. But… she's begging him not to, to say how he really feels. And he knows how he really feels, it popped into his mind the second she asked the question. He knows exactly what he wants to say. He even plays it out in his mind, says the words "I love you" to the shadow of her in his false eye… but after several seconds, mouth ajar, he still doesn't say it out loud. He still doesn't say "I love you Towa". Like he wants to, like she wants him to say so that she can respond "I love you too Rean", and they can discuss how to prevent their relationship from fracturing once she has to leave. This might very well be his only chance to stop that from happening, and he knows that as much as she does… that if he lets her leave without saying those words, there's no guarantee that the deeper truth between them will ever be acknowledged… or even that they'll ever meet again as any more than acquaintances.

He doesn't want that. But, there's something far more important to him. He can't say those words exactly because not saying them helps ensure those exact outcomes. He can't say those words because for the rest of their lives, he would become her burden. She might even refuse to leave Trista until he graduated, might decide that their relationship meant more to her. He reasons that even if she does love him (and he doesn't even believe that, because who could?), and even if that's why she's asking him this question... all he would bring to her life would be more weight that she doesn't need. And that reasoning grants him the resolve to say something else, to respond in a way that stabs him so painfully in his heart that he wants to cry… with exactly the degree of unflappability that Towa brings to a crisis.

"I just wanted to make sure you had a good time, instead of working yourself to death."

It's not necessarily a lie, nor a dismissal of her suggestion that he'd done as he did because he loves her… but it's enough. The words are poison. They dig themselves into Towa's beating heart, forcing her rational brain to accept them… to think "he's such a wonderful person, so committed to sacrificing himself to help others… so of course he'd sacrifice his festival to help me". The second she thinks that, she wants to cry too, but keeps her own urge buried just as deep as his. She clears the blood out of her cheeks, sighs, and beams at him. She places a hand to her chest.

"That's incredible Rean. That you'd do so much for me makes me so happy to know you. Thank you."

Now it's time for both of them to lie through their teeth in order to move on from this. The both play out their expected roles.

"It was no problem, really." He says. "Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea…"

"It's a big relief actually! Sorry for being so presumptuous, hehe."

They don't know it, but what they've just done is basically the equivalent of driving a sharp rapier into each other's chests. They look away from each other, and Towa says, "Well, you should get going now then. Mission accomplished! You made this festival so wonderfully fun for me! Thanks Rean..."

He laughs. He makes sure it doesn't sound bitter.

"Good to know! I'll do just that and get out of your hair then..."

And so he leaves, and the festival continues… but as Towa looks into the flames of the bonfire, she can't help but want to cry. The moment lasts a long time, as if she's hoping the smoke would sting her eyes enough to allow her to put her true feelings on display. It doesn't work. She keeps her brave face on despite the pain, if for no other reason than because she doesn't want Rean to see, to know her lie. Doesn't want to drag him away from happily enjoying the festival if he notices and takes pity on her. And so she responds as she always would, throwing herself into her work. She heads toward the other student council members as if nothing is wrong. And as she helps them prepare for the wrap-up of the festival and the ensuing cleanup, she is possessed of a devastating truth she's not consciously aware of… that on some level, she knew he'd been lying, knew he hadn't said everything. And yet despite that knowledge somewhere in her… the urge that won out was the one to think that this should've been the outcome she predicted, because why would he ever feel the same way about her? Though working often distracted her from pain - one of her favorite things about it - the pain she felt that night never abated.

When she finally retires to bed that night - burdened not just by this, but also the tragedy at Garrelia Fortress - she can't help but embrace being a little childish. She hugs close the Mishy Doll that Rean had won for her in the festival game, and cries into it until she falls asleep. Despite all that had happened, the nightmares Rean's words healed for her still did not return.