(A/N: I'm a mad woman lmao, this is what my fourth fic update in 3 days or something? maybe im possessed)

Masamune groaned as his alarm went off at 6:30 in the morning. His lecture was at 8:00 a.m., but he needed the time to shower, dress, grab something to eat and more importantly grab coffee. Like many people in this modern society, the first thing he did was reach for his phone and check his notifications. A pleasant rush went through Masamune when realizing he had a text from Ritsu waiting for him, waking him up much better than any caffeine would. However, that buzz of happiness was immediately replaced with dread once he read the actual message.

You called me gross in the library once.

Masamune felt like he had just been punched. Why was Ritsu reminding him of this? Was this Ritsu's way of saying he didn't want to be friends? If Masamune tried to reach out to him now would he be ignored? Did Masamune somehow already ruin this second chance? Ritsu might still be awake, it was still 'yesterday' over in England. It was getting into the later hours over there, but Masamune hoped that Ritsu hadn't gone to bed yet. Masamune couldn't let Ritsu go to sleep with this being his final thought.

Are you still awake? Obviously we need to talk, but let me start by saying how sorry I am about that. Nothing I say can excuse what I said, it was cruel and not even true. I was angry for other reasons and I wrongfully took it out on you. I am so, so sorry. You were never anything but kind to me and I completely took that for granted.

Masamune pressed send, desperate to get out some sort of response quickly, but it didn't feel like enough.

I genuinely want to do better, if you'll let me try. I still really want to be friends.

Masamune hit send again before shaking his head. This wasn't about him and his wants, it was about Ritsu.

But I understand if you need space.

Masamune finally got out of bed after sending that third text, half paying attention as he pulled out some clothes. He was sure whatever he grabbed would match, since he didn't have a very colorful wardrobe. Ugh, he still needed to shower. He'd have to make it quick. He didn't want to be in the shower if Ritsu texted back. Should Masamune say something else? Should he apologize again? Masamune had never really been in a situation like this before. After all, his other 'relationships' had only been one night stands, other than his friend and current keeper of his cat Yokozawa. But, even with their...complications in the past, Yokozawa wasn't exactly someone Masamune could easily drive away. Ritsu, however, was entirely too easy to let slip through his fingers, as he had proved in that past.

Masamune had to make this right. He couldn't fuck up so soon, especially not because of something his stupid past self did. God, he would strangle teenage him if he could! Grab him by the shoulders, shake him around and scream don't you see how lucky you are?!

I'm sorry, Masamune sent again before forcing himself away from his phone to get in the shower. He felt like he couldn't apologize enough. The cause of their breakup had been a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, one that caused them both pain, but this? This was entirely Masamune's fault. This was something that Masamune had done to intentionally hurt Ritsu and it had worked. And now Ritsu was suffering from the memory of the boy he loved yelling at him and calling him awful things for no good reason. There would never be a good reason for hurting Ritsu.

I'm the worst, Masamune thought to himself as the water ran over him. Still, he was utterly selfish and hoped Ritsu could somehow look past how terrible he was and forgive him.

Masamune probably set the world record for fastest shower, jumping out of it not long after he jumped in. He dried off his hands, picking his phone back up to check it before he bothered with anything else.

New Message

Masamune choked on nothing before realizing with crushing disappointment that it was from Yokozawa.

Wanna get breakfast together?

Masamune sighed, not really in the mood to socialize. He was sure he'd be poor company and Yokozawa would be sharp enough to tell something was wrong.

Sorry, I'm running kind of late this morning. Next time.

Masamune would gladly vent and ask Yokozawa for advice if it wasn't for the fact that Yokozawa was already acutely aware of who Ritsu was.

To put it nicely, Yokozawa was not a fan.

Masamune had yet to tell Yokozawa about he and Ritsu's reunion. The friendship between him and his kouhai was still in such a delicate state, after all. Now, Yokozawa wasn't an idiot. He could tell something was different. Masamune's one night stands suddenly stopped all together, he hadn't gone to a bar once this week, and he was always on his phone. Obviously there was something going on here. But Masamune hadn't brought it up and Yokozawa wasn't going to be the one to do so. Yokozawa was perfectly content to live in ignorance and pretend like there wasn't obviously someone new in Masamune's life. Besides, if it meant that Masamune would finally forget about his ex high-school sweetheart, then it was probably for the best, or so Yokozawa told himself to quell his own jealousy.

Masamune set his phone back down, drying off and dressing, fixing his hair and brushing his teeth. He almost dropped his toothbrush when his phone buzzed.

I honestly don't know what to say. I'm still kind of mad.

Ritsu.

Ritsu had texted back.

There was a brief moment of relief as Masamune realized he hadn't been blocked. He stopped what he was doing, letting his toothbrush hang out of his mouth.

You have every right to be mad. What I did wasn't right and I should've apologized for it way sooner.

Maybe if Masamune had worked up the nerve to address it, Ritsu would've never asked if he loved him and they never would've separated. Still, there was no changing the past. There's no telling what would've kept them together versus what would've ripped them apart, but Masamune certainly hadn't made it easy for their relationship to flourish.

I guess after you came back to the library that night, I stupidly hoped it hadn't hurt you as bad as it obviously did. I didn't want to admit to myself that I had hurt you. I was selfishly avoiding confronting what I did at your expense and I'm sorry, Masamune added.

You remember that I came back? This was not the response Masamune expected, but he spoke honestly regardless.

Of course I do. You brought me an umbrella. Even after I'd been so mean to you, you still showed nothing but compassion. It'd be kind of hard to forget something like that. Masamune stared at his screen as the little bubble popped up indicating that Ritsu was typing. It went away and came back a few times before he finally received another text.

I need some space to think. Please don't contact me for a little while.

Masamune might as well remove his heart at this point. Surely, it could no longer be functional due to how crushed it was.

Of course. Take as long as you need, I'll be here. Masamune genuinely meant the sentiment behind the words, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Of course. Take as long as you need, I'll be here.

Ritsu stared at the message, the brightness of his screen turned all the way down so he didn't bother his sleeping roommate.

Ritsu had been getting ready to go to bed himself when his phone had buzzed four times in a row. There was only one idiot who texted him with such frequency.

Although he had told himself he'd deal with it tomorrow, that was only because he hadn't expected to receive a message tonight. He couldn't possibly sleep knowing there were unopened messages from Masamune.

He had been quite surprised to see an earnest apology instead of defensive texts in an attempt to avoid blame. That was what he had been preparing himself for. Masamune would show his true colors and his unwillingness to work things out with Ritsu if it meant admitting that he had done something wrong. Ritsu would give Masamune a final piece of his mind before ultimately deciding that a friendship between the two of them would never work out.

But Masamune was sorry.

Even though Ritsu's pessimism tried to insist that Masamune could secretly be ingenuine, his heart told him differently. Masamune really was sorry and now the ball was in Ritsu's court as to whether or not he was going to forgive him.

Damn it, why couldn't have Masamune just made this easy and revealed himself to be a total, unredeemable jerk? Then Ritsu wouldn't have to think about what he would do next!

Ritsu made sure his alarm was set for tomorrow morning. He set his phone aside to lay in the dark and totally fail at falling asleep. He laid there for about an hour before picking his phone back up.

I need some advice, I think. Honestly, I'm not really sure what I need, Ritsu texted An, who should be awake, although she was probably getting ready to leave for school and wouldn't be available to talk to for long.

What's up Richan? Shouldn't you be asleep? (≖_≖ )

Ritsu smiled at the use of the emoticon, able to hear An's motherly tone.

Can't sleep. A friend and I had an argument I guess? But not really? I remembered something he did that hurt me and I decided to bring it up and he apologized and now I don't really know what to do. Ritsu explained vaguely. He sighed, thinking it sounded stupid when he put it like that, but he sent the message anyway.

Do you think he meant it? His apology, I mean

Ritsu hesitated, contemplating the question for a moment.

Yeah

What's the problem? Do you not want to forgive him? An asked.

The problem is I don't really know what I want.

I'm sorry Richan, but I can't really tell what you want either (╥_╥) do you think this friendship is worth trying to save?

I don't know. I think I want it to be. I'm worried that I want it to be worth it so bad that I'll convince myself it is when it really isn't. Does that make sense?

Yeah, but I think if he seems genuine and you still want to be friends then you should give him another chance! And if he hurts you again I'll hurt him back (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง

Ritsu smiled, shaking his head at the idea of An fighting Masamune. Though, he didn't doubt An would win. She might be small, but she was fast, and had been taking self defense classes since she could use her arms and legs properly.

Is this about that roommate of yours you told me about? An sent before Ritsu could reply to her last message.

No, Nao and I are fine, promise :)

Good! I'd hate for you to be alone in England（◞‸◟）

Ritsu smiled again. An was so kind, probably more kind than he deserved.

Thanks An, sorry to dump this on you and then go, but it is getting kind of late over here and I know you've got class soon. Talk to you later?

Of course! You can always talk to me ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっSleep well, Richan!

Ritsu set his phone aside again, feeling better now that he had gotten an outsider's perspective. An was right; if both of them wanted to work through this and stay friends then why shouldn't they?

Ritsu still needed space to process and accept the apology, though. It didn't magically stop hurting just because he decided he wanted to move past it.

He doesn't get to make any big mistakes after this. If he talks to me or about me like that again it's over, Ritsu told himself. He wouldn't allow Masamune to treat him poorly only to come back to him like he had that night at the library.

How embarrassing, Ritsu thought. He couldn't believe Masamune remembered that! He must think I'm a total pushover. Or some kind of masochist. Even if the pushover part was true in some respects, he wouldn't be jerked around and walked all over, especially not by Masamune of all people.

Ritsu shut his eyes with that final conviction, falling asleep.