A/N: This'll be the last chapter for this story, I'm not super fond of how it turned out but I wanted to post it so this fic is wrapped up before I publish a new story. Anyways, I still hope you enjoy it and just a reminder that this piece is also not edited.
XXXXXX
She doesn't realize how long she stays up watching Friends until Nadia walks out to get a glass of water. "No Jay tonight?"
Erin shakes her head as she stands up and turns the TV off. "I uh…I guess not."
Nadia drinks a little of her water as she leans against the kitchen counter. "How's he been? You know with his mom and all?"
Erin was just about to answer when they get interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Luna barks once as she runs down the hall but then she stops and that tells Erin who it is on the other side before she even opens it.
She gives him a tired smile but it falls when she sees the state he's in.
He's staggering where stands and his eyes are rimmed red and blood shot.
The stench of alcohol wafts her nostrils as she takes a step closer to him followed by a couple more until they're flushed against each other. "I'm sorry if I…" He hiccups. "if I woke you up. I just wanted to be – I uh….actually needed to be with you." His voice is a little too loud for it being two in the morning but it doesn't take away the sweetness of his words.
"It's ok babe. We just need to get inside before we upset the neighbors." She moves to drape his arm over her shoulders and lets him lean against her as she guides him into the apartment - a hard feat seeing as how he's two times her size.
As she closes the door he turns to face her and collapses against her body.
Nadia quickly moves to help her get Jay to the bed. Once he lays down he immediately goes to bury his face in the crook of Erin's neck but he ends up with his head on her chest.
He murmurs into the fabric of her shirt but she couldn't understand anything he said. Her heart breaks for the man in her arms. His beautiful face contorted in a mixture of emotions.
Her lips linger on the crown of his head; scolding herself when she can't stop the tears that fall from her eyes and roll down her cheeks.
"I'll go get him some water and aspirin." Nadia whispers as she goes to exit the room.
Nadia returns a few moments later – almost dropping the fresh glass of water after hearing the next words that Jay mumbles. "Now I know what you meant. Only I wish I could switch places with her. I would have gladly died over there if it meant that she could live."
Erin chokes back a sob with his words. They have only known each other mere months but she already can't imagine her life without him or remember life before him. "I know you're hurting Jay. But I know she wouldn't have wanted that." And wouldn't have either. She thinks as she places her lips against the skin of his forehead again.
He shakes his head and cuddles further into her. Erin's eyes meeting Nadia's as she starts to tear up. "Let me know if you need anything else."
"Thanks Nadia." Erin whispers and Nadia nods before exiting the room, closing the door behind her.
Erin looks back down at Jay as he starts leaving sloppy kisses on her neck. "Jay." She tries to use his name as a warning but her voice betrays her – coming out more husky than usual.
"Erin please." The pout on his face almost has her giving right then but she shakes her head and gently pushes him back. But he's not having it and moves in again – his lips practically ghosting over her skin.
"We can't. You're really drunk." She mumbles as she feels her resolve weaken more and more with each well placed kissed.
"Babe." He all but whines as he looks up at her – his eyes glassy and his pout becoming more prominent.
Going against her better judgment she leans in to attach their lips. The kiss starts out gentle before it quickly deepens. He wraps his arm around her back as he pulls her to lie beneath him. His moves are calculated but quick as if he has somehow managed to sober up within the last couple minutes.
Once they're joined they slow to a stop – his eyes boring into hers for a few seconds before he starts to move.
They fall over the edge together and it seems he passes out as soon as his head hits the pillow next to her. She lays there for few minutes just watching over him as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful and so carefree. Her hand reaches out tentatively and gently cups his cheek, running her thumb over the stubble along his jaw. She leans forward and places a kiss to the tip of his nose before she gets up to put a shirt and a pair of panties on. She double checks that the small waste bin is within arms reach just in case he needs it before laying back down.
Luna is sitting on the floor whining with her head propped up on the edge of the bed.
"Come on." Erin pats the empty space next to Jay. The puppy walks around the foot of the bed to get to the other side and then jumps up by them. She immediately lays her head down on Jay's side.
XXXXXX
The day comes all-too-soon. It's as if his body turned to stone as she took her last breath. His heart sinking as hers stops beating, her already cold hand going limp in his.
He doesn't even notice the nurses and doctors buzzing around him in the moments after she passes away. The rest of the room seemingly out of focus as his eyes remain on his mom unmoving and still.
He's not sure how long it takes him to finally leave her side but when he leaves the clinic it's dark.
The soles of his shoes drag across the asphalt of the parking lot as he slowly moves towards his truck.
He doesn't even realize that Erin is walking over to him until she steps in front of him. His eyes stare into hers, his usually green orbs appear grey and void of any emotion.
She gently wraps her arms around his shoulders and pulls him into a hug. Her lips pressed against the side of his neck in a tender, comforting kiss.
"I'm so sorry." She whispers, causing him to take a couple deep breaths against her shoulder.
They just stand there in each other's arms for a little longer. Neither of them uttering another word until she offers to drive him home.
"I have to figure some things out." The statement is just above a whisper and he feels like he hasn't talked in days. He hates himself for sounding so harsh.
She gives him an understanding look, her eyebrows furrowed and lips forming a pout as she nods and rubs his shoulder. "But you don't have to do it alone."
He doesn't answer and she tries to prepare herself for what's coming. She can tell he's working on building up his walls. But to her surprise he agrees and they head towards her Jeep.
The first thing he does when they get to the house is go to grab a beer. He finishes the bottle in seconds before getting another one. And her concern for him grows as he works to numb the pain she knows he is feeling.
He drinks until all of the beer is gone and it only takes a couple hours for him to be in the inebriated state he was in when he showed up at Nadia's a few weeks prior. Erin helps him up to his room and gets him into bed before grabbing one of his t shirts and going to the bathroom. When she reemerges a few minutes later he's already sleeping. There's a tortured expression on his face and it makes her wish she could help him the way he has her. But she knows she can't – knows that it'd be physically impossible to alleviate the pain that's come from his mother's passing. She just hopes that he'll let her stay by his side as he processes and trudges through the heartache.
XXXXXX
He's grieving – that's what she keeps telling herself every time he yells or tries to start an argument with her. She tells herself it's the reason he's pushing her away. She can't imagine what he's going through – not really any way, so she takes everything he throws at her. Because even when he's trying his damndest to shut her out, he's still the Jay that's been there for her. The man she's fallen for is still inside him. She stays because she wants to be the person he's been for her since they got home from their tour.
But she'd be lying if she said it's been easy. He's so determined to do this - everything by himself. Even the day of the funeral starts in a fight – one that ends with him storming out the front door. The slam of the light tan wood causes her to jump and she has to blink back the tears threatening to fall as she finishes getting ready.
There's flowers and pictures everywhere in the small church. Erin stays by Nadia but still keeps an eye on Jay who's been walking around with a blank expression on his face. The same one he's worn for the last week and a half.
The service goes by quickly and everyone meets for a beautiful memorial afterwards. And even Jay seems a little lighter, as if spending the day around family and friends has helped him. And it makes her feel hopeful that this day – though dreaded, was the closure he needed. That thought is gone by the time they get home. She just wants to sleep but it seems he wasn't done lashing out at her like he was this morning. He grabs a bottle of whiskey and takes a couple swigs as she takes off her shoes. She accidentally knocks over the picture frames she just set down on the table closest to her, they shatter against the hard wood floor of the entryway, sending shards of glass everywhere.
"What the hell Erin? I just bought those frames." His voice is louder than she's ever heard and it causes her to jump.
"It's not like I did it on purpose Jay." She's yells back and the look he gives her tells her that she's just made his sour mood worse.
"I don't even know why you're here." He says exasperated as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
"I want to be here for you." Her voice is calmer – quieter hoping it helps deescalate matters but when he starts to pace she knows her attempts are feeble.
"Well I don't want you here – not anymore. I should have never gotten involved with you when we got back." He's already starting to slur his words and a part of her tells herself that he doesn't mean what he's saying but another part knows there may be some truth behind his words.
She shakes her head and wills her tears not to fall. This isn't about her, this is about him and his grieving process. "You don't mean that. You're hurting and you're looking for someone to blame."
"You know Brad was right when he said I'd regret being with you. I wasted so much time with you when I should have been with my mom." Those are the words that finally break her.
She swallows the lump in her throat and looks down while she blinks back her tears. "Well I don't regret being with you. I don't regret getting to know you or falling in love with you Jay." She takes a cautious step closer to him followed by another.
"I love you and I'll give you your space if that's what you want but know that I'm here for you." She hates the thought of leaving him but she doesn't want to make things worse.
He waves his hand in a dismissive way as he walks away.
She can see him shake his head as he ascends the stairs.
When she checks on him later, he's passed out on his bed. The empty whiskey bottle still in his hand.
She moves him into a more comfortable position – placing the glass bottle on the nightstand before she covers him up and then she leaves.
XXXXXX
The bars, the drinking and the sex. It all numbs him. Makes him forget about Afghanistan. Makes him forget his mom's last breath. It's as if he temporarily forgets it all.
He's floating in a constant black out state. When he wakes up in the morning he drinks, continuing throughout the day and well into the night until he passes out somewhere. Half the time he's not sure how he gets home.
Occasionally he sees a petite woman with honey blonde hair and he thinks of Erin and the last thing he said to her. His heart aching for her briefly as he waits for his drinks. Once they come he shoots them back and distracts himself with another girl.
She sent him a few texts over the last couple weeks, just wanting to know how he is. The messages go unanswered but she's not surprised. So she doesn't bother sending anymore – not wanting to be that ex.
She misses him. She misses his blue-green eyes and the way his arms felt around her. Or the way his laugh warmed her heart. She misses everything about him.
Luna's leash slipping from her hand breaks her from her thoughts. Erin yells for her to come back – her voice carrying through the air in loud echoes. But the young dog doesn't listen and even on three legs she's still quick as she disappears into the thick wooded area of the park.
Erin tries to keep calm as she searches for her, repeating her name as she weaves through the trees. She spends hours looking for her – making phone call after phone call to shelters and police stations in the area to see if a dog matching Luna's description was brought in. Her heart sinks more and more with every no she gets. It's starting to get dark, so she decides to go back to the apartment.
Following one of the shelters advice, she files a lost dog report and makes flyers.
Nadia walks in and straight to the couch where Erin's sitting with her laptop.
"Have you tried calling Jay?"
Erin sighs, feeling herself on the verge of tears. "He didn't answer my texts, why would he answer my call?"
Nadia sighs and shrugs. "I know you guys didn't end well but what if Luna went there? Or what if someone picked her up and took her there since it's his address that's on her tag."
Erin looks up at her then, placing the laptop on the cushion next to her before standing up and giving Nadia a hug.
Then she goes to get her keys and drives to the Halstead residence. She parks on the street instead of in the driveway and gets out. When she knocks on the front door of the house it gets pulled open a couple seconds later by a blonde woman she doesn't recognize. Her blue eyes look Erin up and down before turning around to yell for Jay but calls him the wrong name and then she leaves, mumbling "good luck." to Erin as she walks past. Erin ignores the pang in her chest as she goes into the house. She walks through the living room and sees the beer and whiskey bottles littering the coffee table and floor.
She finds him on his bed with Luna right beside him – her leash still attached to her collar. Jay groans then as he sits up and pukes in his lap.
Most of his weight is on her as they stumble to the bathroom. She has him sit on the toilet while she starts the shower and then she removes his pants and boxers.
"Are you going to be ok in-?" She doesn't have to finish her question before he nods and gets into the shower. She stays a little longer to make sure he doesn't fall before going to clean up a little.
After she changes the sheets and takes them to the washing machine she goes back to his room. He's passed out on the bed with a towel barely covering his waist. She places the blanket that she brought up with her over him and kisses his forehead before petting Luna's head as she goes to sit on the other side of the bed.
XXXXXX
The early morning sun is peaking through the curtains as Jay starts to stir. She doesn't even notice he's awake until he mumbles "I'm sorry." His breath smells like stale alcohol and it actually makes her a little nauseous.
She moves to the edge of the bed as he gets up, letting the towel fall to the floor when he moves to his dresser for a pair of boxers.
"It's ok Jay."
"No. No it's not Erin." He hesitates to continue at first but eventually he shakes his head. "The drinking and the random hookups, they've just been my way of keeping my mind off the war and my mom…." His hand running through his messy hair. "off of you."
She's not sure what to say, the mention of his one-night stands giving her an uneasy feeling but the admittance of him needing to take his mind of everything - including her, makes her heart constrict. She peels her eyes away from him and moves towards the door.
"I tried to deny my feelings. Told myself time and again that you'd be better off without me. And I thought it'd hurt less to push you away now rather than watch you leave later on like every other person I love, but-" He cuts himself off as he shakes his head.
She turns around to face him again. "Does it?" leaning against the doorframe. He looks up at her confused. "Hurt less I mean?" She finishes.
He shakes his head as he closes the distance between them, his resolve completely disappearing when she looks up at him with her bloodshot hazel eyes. "No but I guess I didn't realize just how much I need you in my life." His hands grip her hips and pulls her into him. "I love you. I just didn't know how much until you left."
Their faces are mere inches away from each other and he slowly leans in but she presses her hands against his chest to stop him. She hates the hurt that flashes through his eyes.
"I love you too." She admits, causing him to give her a smirk, one she's missed for the last few weeks. But when the stench of alcohol wafts her nostrils again, her stomach churns and she can't fight the urge to throw up. She runs to the bathroom with Jay not far behind her.
She pukes for what feels like hours but in actuality is only a few minutes. The whole time Jay's there holding her hair. Eventually they stand up and move to the sink where they both brush their teeth.
"Why don't you lay down and I'll get you some medicine and water." He kisses her temple, not missing how warm she is as he pulls back the comforter on the bed. He gives her a worried look as she shakes her head. She's supposed to be taking care of him not the other way around. He can tell what she's thinking without her saying a word but he insists that she lay down.
He's not gone long but when he comes back she's fighting sleep. Her eyes are closed as she pets Luna while she lies beside her with her head on her hand resting on top of her stomach. He climbs on the bed next to her.
"Erin?" He murmurs against her temple.
"Hmm?" She turns into him slightly.
"Can you take these for me please?" She sits up and nods.
Once she drinks the water, he leans in to give her a kiss and this time she lets their lips actually meet.
"So what brought you here last night?" He asks as she lays back down.
"Luna ran off at the park. I called everywhere and made flyers but then Nadia asked if I called you. She suggested that maybe Lu came here or was picked up and dropped off. So I drove here." They both look down at their dog as she sleeps between them. She lets out a sad chuckle. "I guess this little stray still knows exactly when we need each other."
His smile widens as he thinks back to when they first met. Luna was just a little puppy who desperately needed their help. Neither of them knew the how much of an impact the tiny stray would have on their lives but their both incredibly thankful.
"I love you." He tells her as he comes out of his daze.
"I love you too." She tells him as she leans and attaches their lips.