Chapter 5: Warmth

The dining room was enormous, Natalya assumed it had been designed to house a hundred people at least, but apart from one rectangular table placed right by the kitchen door, it was mostly empty except for a few more chairs that stood discarded in a corner. The table was large enough that it could have comfortably fit about a dozen people, but at the moment, there were only three chairs placed on either of the longer sides. Despite the large size of the room itself, the mouth-watering smell of a home-cooked meal still perforated the entire room. Natalya found herself seated in an empty chair next to Mikhail, opposite a dark-haired boy with bright blue eyes and rectangular glasses.

"You must be Natalya. I'm Akhos.", he introduced himself to her briefly, before joining Patroka in recounting their last trip to Malos and Jin. Apparently they had been scouting and found out about some Indoline transport vessel full of core crystals that was due to leave Tantal in a few days. Natalya was not really sure what she could contribute to this conversation so instead she dug into her food and almost moaned audibly when she tasted it. She couldn't remember ever eating food this delicious. The taste was exquisite, and the warmth seeped through her body warming her to her bones, and for the first time in almost 200 years, Natalya actually wasn't shivering anymore.

The effect did not last, however. By the time dinner had ended and she and Patroka had returned to their rooms, the cold had begun to seep in again.

"Do you ever stop shivering?" Patroka hissed, twisting in her bed.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it."

"Well, go shiver somewhere else. I need my rest, and your teeth are clattering so loud, I can't sleep."

And with that, she'd gotten up and pushed Natalya out of the room.

Natalya stood in front of the room, not entirely sure what had just happened, both hands still clutching her blanket. She sighed. There was no point in going back in there, she did not want Patroka to hate her completely, so perhaps it would do to give her some space. Natalya turned and walked down the corridor, wrapping the blanket around her tightly.

She wandered around aimlessly for a while, before somehow finding herself on the steering deck, staring out at the vastness of clouds in front of her. She sat down and just watched as they whirled before her.

"Couldn't sleep?" Akhos was leaning against the door. A blanket was loosely draped around his shoulders like a cape. He looked like a knight from an old fairy tale.

"More like Patroka couldn't sleep so she kicked me out."

Akhos laughed. "Oh, yes, my sister can be difficult sometimes. She takes a while to warm up to people, don't take it too hard."

"Your sister?", Natalya asked, surprised.

"Oh, it's quite the tale.", Akhos said, sitting down on the floor beside her. "Our Drivers were brother and sister. They were quite close, joined a mercenary group together, fought side by side, a perfect duo. My Driver, Xander, and I got separated from Patroka and Roxane in our last battle together. We ended up getting overwhelmed by enemies and Xander got hurt so badly even my healing arts couldn't do anything to save him." Akhos paused, tousling his hair with his right hand, and almost succeeding in making it look like he was pausing for dramatic effect. But one look into his eyes, focussed so intently on the clouds outside, told Natalya a different story. She knew that look of guilt marring his face. It was the same look that haunted her own eyes every time she remembered. Survivor's guilt. She reached over and placed a comforting hand on his knee. Akhos took a deep breath and turned to look at her.

"It's been a long time.", he said.

"Doesn't mean it can't still hurt." Losing Misha still hurt her, and that happened well over 18 decades ago.

Akhos stared at her for a moment. Then apparently noticed her shivering. "Are you cold?"

Natalya nodded. "Yes, but it's okay, I'm used to it."

Akhos' eyes softened.

"Here, you can have some of my blanket, I don't really need it that much anyway.", he said, wrapping the blanket around both of their shoulders. "Better?"

Strangely enough, it actually was. Curious. Usually, no number of blankets was enough to warm her.

"A little.", Natalya admitted. "What are you doing here anyway?", she asked, trying to change the subject to something lighter.

Akhos shrugged. "I don't really sleep much these days. And when I do, it's not pleasant, so I tend to just come here, when I can't sleep. It's quiet, and far enough away from everyone else that I usually don't disturb anyone if I wake up from a nightmare."

"Oh." Natalya bit her lip. "Want to tell me about it? That nightmare?"

"It's not a pleasant tale.", Akhos warned.

"Hardly anything in this world is. We live in an age of tragedies."

Akhos laughed. "How poetic of you.", he took a deep breath. "Mostly, my nightmares are related to what I told you earlier. They start out with everything being fine, and then Xander dies, and I can't do anything to save him.", Akhos shuddered. "He was a good Driver – and an even greater brother. Even when he was dying, the only thing he thought about was his little sister. He was so worried about her being in danger, he asked me to become a Flesh Eater, begged me to look after Roxane, even when he wasn't able to anymore." He sighed. "And I promised him that I would, but by the time I found Patroka, Roxane was already gone and Patroka was – well, as it turns out, our Drivers were more similar than even we had anticipated." Akhos groaned in frustration. "I promised Xander I'd look after Roxane for him, but I was too late. My last words to him, and I let him down" Akhos ran his hands through his hair again. With all pretence gone, he looked so pitiful, and all Natalya wanted to do was ease the pain that marred his face, not quite knowing what she could do though, she put her arm around his shoulder and patted his back reassuringly. Akhos sighed. "I thought since there's still a part of him that lives on in me, perhaps there is still a chance for me to keep my promise. That if I protect the part of Roxane that still lives in Patroka, I can keep both of them alive.", he sighed. "Patroka thinks it's ridiculous for me to hold on to a notion like that. Of course that is just her own way of dealing with the situation. Roxane was everything to her. Part of me would like to agree with her, but I just can't help it. I don't know if it is because of Xander, or my own feelings, but I look at her, and I see my sister, and I know I'd do anything to keep her safe."

Natalya had no idea what to say. She wanted to console him, but the right words for this situation just didn't exist. She took a deep breath and tried anyway. "I think it's nice."

"What?"

"That you knew the human whose life you carry. That you got to make memories with them, that you have something like that. I never got the chance to meet the Blade I was fused with. And now, it's too late. I envy you for that chance."

They sat in silence for a while, staring out at the cloud sea.

"Will you tell me about them?", Natalya asked, "Xander and Roxane?"

"Why?"

"You said your nightmares are about losing them, seems to me most of your thoughts concerning them are, but you must have happy ones too. Memories, I mean, ones that aren't filled with regret. Perhaps, remembering the good times could help you. And besides, from what you've told me, they seem like really great people. I'd like to know more about them." It did not help her, because 8 years of happy childhood memories, most of which she could not even recall, had never been enough to make up for all the regret that came with her broken home and promises. But Akhos was not her, Xander was not Misha, this was a different case. It might actually help him.

Akhos smiled. "Alright.", he said, and began his tale.

At some point though, they must have fallen both asleep, though, because the next thing Natalya knew was waking up to the sultry tone of Mikhail's voice. "So this is where you sneak off to every night, Akhos."

Slowly, consciousness started drifting towards her and Natalya remembered where she was. The steering deck. But she was leaning against something other than the wall from yesterday. It was warm, firm, but comfortable and it had a heartbeat.

Natalya jolted upright as if she'd been burnt, and Akhos' arm fell off her shoulder. She looked at him, but Akhos seemed more bothered with having been woken up than with the sleeping arrangement. He blinked at Mikhail with sleep-drunken eyes.

"Was I asleep?", he sounded surprised.

"You were sleeping so soundly, I was actually considering letting you stay that way for once, but I figured neither of you would like the others to find you like this, so I decided to wake you up before Malos gets here.", he winked. "Well, that's it, I'm actually done here, if anyone asks, I'll be in my lab." And with that and a wave in their direction, Mikhail was gone.

Akhos sat up and stretched. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I haven't slept this well in ages. Come to think of it, I don't even remember the last time I slept through the night.", he looked at her. "You stopped shivering."

Natalya blinked. She had, hadn't she? She also wasn't cold at all right now. Akhos, it seemed, read her surprise.

"You were cold yesterday at dinner too, are you always freezing?"

"I've been cold since Indol decided it would be a good idea to stick an Ice-Blade's core crystal into my chest without asking either me or the Blade. I actually thought I'd be like that for the rest of my life, but I'm fine right now. I was doing quite well after yesterday's food as well, but that did not last...", Natalya trailed off, unsure of why she'd told him this much. She barely knew him. Then again, he had spent yesterday evening telling her story after story of his life before his Driver's death, so perhaps it was alright for her to tell him some things as well. Akhos was watching her tentatively for a moment, then, instead of asking her questions, as she would have expected, he just straightened his glasses and smirked.

"Yeah, Jin's cooking is known to work miracles. None of us know where he picked up a skill like that, but who are we to complain." He got to his feet and reached out a hand to pull her up as well. "Speaking of food, I'm starving. Do you want breakfast?"

"Sure, I'll just drop this off first.", she pointed at her blanket.

Akhos nodded. "Yeah, good idea. Then I guess I'll see you in the dining hall." He picked up his own blanket, pushed his glasses up the ridge of his nose, winked at her and left. Natalya was left behind, holding her blanket, and wondering what just happened and why her heart was beating so fast. She really hoped he hadn't been able to hear it.