AN: SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE SUPER HELPFUL THANKS :)
this will have views of Quinn's thoughts and actions while texting Rachel. trying out this format to see if I should keep putting their different pov in the story here and there every few chapters or I should keep it to just texting tell me what you think :)
text: "talking" 'Thoughts' actions time
P.S THANKS THE FEW WHO REVIEWED IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME HAPPY THAT PEOPLE TOOK THE TIME TO COMMENT
CHAPTER 5: Denial Is Not a River in Egypt
20th-28th
*no new text messages*
29th Saturday
QUINN FABRAY POV
"DAMN IT BERRY" I grunt frustrated as I stare down at my phone for the hundredth time today. Its been 10 days since we last spoke to each other, and I'm still waiting for her to text me anything. I was even left out of her weekly glee group text spams. I even messed up on purpose during our rehearsal trying to get her to say anything to me anything at all, but she said nothing just looked at me with the saddest eyes I've seen her show in a long time. Throwing my phone across the bed I let my thoughts wonder 'is she really done with me, GOD I'm so stupid, I didn't think she would actually leave me alone when I asked her to. Since when does Rachel Berry do anything anyone ask her to maybe if I-' *DING* I scramble to pick my phone up almost falling off the bed, unlocking it a smile gracing my face hoping it's her, than instantly vanishing as I see who it's from letting out a sigh of sadness I reply...
Q: No thx S, Im not feeling up for stix tday, nother time tho. hav fun with B.
I lay back down on my side, staring at the phone screen, wishing for just one text. 'Maybe if i just lie about needing help in school, Berry always wants to help others, she helped Mike and Finn out with their grades... but what the hell could I need help in I got straight A...' I sit up excited as I get the perfect idea, "no way you'll say no to this Berry"
6:13pm
QF: Hey.
6:18pm
RBB: Hello? Might I ask who this is?
a smile creeps up on my face as I see she replied 'yes' I read the message and feel the smile slip off my face but only slightly, "what the hell?" I type back a quick reply feeling confused.
6:18pm
QF: It's Quinn.
6:23pm
RBB: Quinn? Quinn Fabray?
I look at my screen making sure I read that right. At this point my smile as become a frown 'is she messing with me or something, how many people named Quinn does she know? does she not have my number saved?' I feel my chest constrict at the thought of her not caring enough to save my phone 'this is idiotic, why am I sad over something so tiny.. who cares'
6:23pm
QF: Berry are you serious right now. We texted for almost a month straight and you don't even have my number saved?
I don't know why but it really hurts 'ugh I'm just being stupid...left over baby hormones, why else would I want to be friends with Berry so badly or spend all day waiting for her texts, or dream about her every night since our fight, or think abou...' I start to cough to rid my head of those thoughts 'Just left over baby hormones'
6:35pm
RBB: So this is Quinn Fabray?
'IS SHE SERIOUS RIGHT NOW AND WHY IS SHE TAKING SO LONG TO REPLY FOR FUCKS SAKE' "UGHHHH..." I angrily type out the only reply I can muster without sounding like a total bitch
6:36pm
QF: Do you know any other Quinn?
Taking a deep breath to calm myself before I start throwing insults I send..
QF: yes...
QF: This is her, why don't you have my number saved after all this time?
'It doesn't make sense how would she not know who is texting her? is she pretending not to know me as some sort of diva fit because I asked her to leave me alone?' I grab my phone and unlock it, staring at the screen for what feels like forever 'Damn it Berry hurry up' I start to bounce my leg impatiently, checking the time I notice it's only been 4 minutes 'god am I that pathetic I can't go 4 minutes without missing her...no not missing her I just don't like being kept waiting...God what is wrong with me' I hear the notification after a while longer*DING* "FINALLY" unlocking my phone for the 40th time in the past 10 minutes I read
6:48pm
RBB: I did have it saved, although I deleted it a few days ago, since you asked me to stop contacting you, I decided removing your number would be the best way to keep myself from not being tempted to text or call.
'Oh...' I feel my heart ache, it feels like I've been punched in the gut. I feel sad and confused and very pissed off at myself for feeling this way over her. 'She was actually going to leave me'. The thought of that just makes me feel so much worse. 'of course she was, your own family didn't want you why would she' I grab my phone noticing my hands shaking 'pull it together Fabray' I feel my fingers moving, typing out a message but my mind just keeps reeling with the thought of 'she was going to leave me, no she did leave me and it's my fault, I asked her to...' I look down to read what I've wrote and gasp Please don't leave me 'shit' I quickly delete that and just send a simple
6:49pm
QF: oh, okay, I didn't think you would delete my number though
'why is she taking so long to reply. Maybe I should ask...no it will seem needy. What if she is with someone else?' my stomach turns at the thought of that 'she did say she liked someone, maybe she finally told them, what if they liked her back' "SHIT FUCK DAMN IT" I feel like crying "what the heck is happening to me" 'whatever I don't care who Berry man-hands dates she can fuck the whole school for all I care' "AAAAAHHH BERRY ANSWER REPLY ALREADY...come on" After another few minutes I look down to notice my fist have clenched so hard it's left a cut on the inside of my hand, I start sucking on the blood as the next message pops up
7:11pm
RBB: So what is it that you needed Quinn?
'you' The thought popped up in my head before I could stop it "what the actual fuck is wrong with me" running a hand through my hair I start to pace my room thinking of different reasons as to why I'm reacting this way to her 'okay well...' after a while of pacing back and forth, I start laughing and stop in my tracks, throwing my hands up I think 'of course, its so obvious now, I want a friend I'm really close to, like S and B...okay terrible example. Puck and Finnessa, or Kurt and Cedes, I don't have a friend like that... Yea that explains why I care so much about Berry, I want a friend who is all mine, sure S and B are my friends but we aren't as close as they are to each other. I don't want her to be anyone else's because she is mine...no not mine, m-my friend... a-and I'm so upset with the idea of her dating because I must approve of who she dates as her...friend...and if she dates others it will only take time away from us, that's it I just want her to be my friend...ugh but why do I feel like I want to be more than that though, hmmm well not just friends but best friends best friends are special, that's why she is special to me, duh how could I be so dumb, okay make Rachel Berry my best friend mission is on ' Grabbing my phone and plopping down crossed legged on the bed I smile thinking of the conclusion I've reached, finally everything made sense. 'I can't go with my first plan than since I was just going to ask about our glee assignment, but she might just give me a song and stop talking after that, no I Quinn Fabray, must apologize and make Rachel freaking Berry mine.. err my friend.. best friend...god why couldn't I want to be friends with someone who wouldn't ruin my popularity...maybe...hmmm'
I'm sorry I was a bitch and called you t... *deletes* can we go back to texting each other? 'too forward' *deletes* 'damn it what if she doesn't think I'm being honest...Christ I'm going full Berry-ize and mushy mode' UGH I'm cringing just thinking about it I don't like to be this open around others...but somehow I know that its okay with her
7:12pm
QF: Actually, Rachel, I wanted to apologize for my behavior towards you. I should of never called you those things, especially after we were finally becoming friends. And I want us to be friends, I mean that. God you don't know how hard it is to write these things. I don't usually tell others how I'm feeling, but, I really enjoyed us texting. I'm sorry I ghosted you, the truth is I don't know why I did it, I felt scared and I don't even know why. Can we please go back to texting each other...and I realized today that its because I want a friend, and well, yeah. We can't be like close in school, YET, because of S I need to get her used to the idea, since she is still trying to get me back for telling coach about her boob job, But I want us to talk. I miss your good morning and goodnight text.
I type a second message before even noticing what I wrote my finger has already hit send
QF: I just miss you
'oh' I feel my heart start to skip a beat 'maybe that was too much, I shouldn't of said anything, why did I mention I got scared, I'm Quinn Fabray I shouldn't be scared of anything...she is taking forever to reply...what if she thinks I'm weird for admitting I missed her ugh that sounds so creepy oh shit what if I fucked up and she doesn't forgive me and never speaks to me again, what if she thinks I was mocking her or if she doe-' *DING*
7:15pm
RBB: I can honestly say, I have missed you too Quinn. But you hurt me, more than you could ever know. I want us to be friends to, but please promise me, that you won't ever ask me to leave you again. It was difficult enough the first time around. I do not honestly think I can do it a second time.
'she missed me' A huge dopy grin breaks out while my face heats up 'Holy shit am I blushing...I'm blushing because I'm embarrassed... I had to apologize and admit that I was scared and missed her...I'm not blushing because she missed me...she really missed me, I wonder if she thought about me as much as I thou-' clearing my head my heart starts picking up and my smile grows wider as I reread the text 'she missed me and wants us to be friends' I bounce a little on my bed before typing out a reply while biting my lower lip to contain the giggle that wants to escape.
7:15pm
QF: I promise I won't ask you to do that again. I can't promise that I'll talk to you in school or whatever, but I know I won't ever ask you to not text or call me again, and we can be um...secret friends.
'Friends doesn't feel like enough' I type out another message and hit send and I instantly cringe "Did I really just type that"
QF: maybe best friends
I grimace at the second text 'damn it I sound like a total bitch saying I won't talk to her in school in one part than like a total idiot saying the best friend part ughhh I'm so lame' My heart aches at the thought of not being able to spend time together at school though ' I just want to be around her all the time, DAMN SANTANA, I can't risk it'
7:17pm
RBB: So? Do you not have a question you need to ask me?
'huh? was I suppose to ask something...shit' I go back and re read our messages to make sure I didn't miss something before replying
7:19pm
QF: um? nooo?
watching the little type bubble go in and out is stressing me out, 'why does she keep typing and stopping so much, oh god what if she is typing a lecture, good job Fabray, 1 minute into the friendship and you already screwed up'
7:19pm
RBB: I am disappointed you think you can come in here and just expect us to be friends without even going through the proper procedures.
7:19pm
'am I meant to say sorry again'
QF: I'm sorry?
7:19pm
RBB: sigh, Very well, since you do not seem to be able to ask me I shall take it upon myself to ask you then. Will you Quinn Fabray be my friend?
I bite my lower lip stifling a laugh which makes me end up snorting 'God she is just so...who even ask that'
7:20pm
QF: That has to be the dorkiest thing ever, who ask others to be friends like that, you sound like you're asking me out or something.
I feel my heart flutter at the text I just sent, not knowing why, my nerves start acting up and for the second time I think 'she really is so...'
QF: you're so cute sometimes Rach.
'friends compliment each other all the time, its fine. Besides she really is cute...for a girl... especially when she rambles, or gets mad and stomps her foot, or when she smiles and it makes my heart race, and her eyes I really lo-' *DING* I shake my head of my thoughts again 'shit I must of zoned out'
7:22pm
RBB: Quinn Fabray, you can not expect us to become friends without an adequate proposal to it. Otherwise how would we both know what stage of our relationship we are at, if I had not asked we might as well be acquaintances. Now are you going to try and make me blush all day with flattery (which will get you no where might I add) and by using the shortened version of my given name, or are you going to accept my request :)
I bite my lower lip feeling my face flush at her words 'I won't have a lip by tomorrow if she keeps this up but only Rachel would talk like like a grandma and make it cute' my smile grows as I read that I made her blush 'I MADE HER BLUSH' " that is so adorable" I say in awe 'okay calm down Fabray, what the hell is wrong with you...I should compliment her more though...and call her Rach' I don't understand why the thought of Rachel blushing makes my insides feel fuzzy, since the only times I feel this way is when I talk to her, all I know is I really like this feeling, and I really want to keep making her blush. 'I bet she is so adorable when flustered'. I feel an unfamiliar pull at that thought 'If this is what having a best friend feels like why didn't I get one sooner' I smile as I type my reply just to mess with her a bit
7:22pm
QF: I don't know let me think about that for a minute hmmm this is such a tough choice hmmmmmmm ;)
'I bet she is so annoyed right now, I wish I could be there to watch her stomp her foot and huff'
7:22pm
RBB: QUINN FABRAY, since we were communicating via our cellular devices and can not see one another I will ask you to imagine me storming out, as it is what I would do if we were in each others presence
At this point my face is hurting with all the smiling I've been doing 'I wonder when was the last time I smiled' Thinking back I realize 'when I called her before the fight. Damn it, I'm such a bitch to her...'
7:23pm
QF: fine fine, yes Rach, we can be friends :)
Again I feel this weird sensation telling me I want more, 'she is friends with Kurt, I know she says they aren't when she is in a mood but I can clearly tell they care for each other, and she also has FINN' I sneer at the thought of him and her together 'she is mine now not his' Not noticing the meaning of that I keep thinking to myself 'I want to be more to her than they are, I already came to the conclusion that I wanna be best friends earlier, since I obviously care for her more than my other friends, but I need her to tell me that I mean more to her than they do...' without thinking of the oddness of it I type out a message trying to sound as casual as possible hoping it doesn't come across weird
QF: Annnd since I am Quinn Fabray after all, annnnd I should already be your favorite person that automatically makes me your favorite friend right? :)
'there, if she doesn't agree than I don't care, its whatever' frowning at the thought of her not agreeing I look down to read the text that just came through 'stupid baby hormones...so what that its been months...I CLEARLY HAVE SOME LEFT OVER... they are just hiding..and only come out when Rachel talks to me'
7:27pm
RBB: You Quinn, are a very modest young lady I see ;)
I smirk at the obvious sarcasm while I continue to read the next message
RBB: I am delighted that we were able to move past our differences and come together to try and form a friendship. If it was not for the fact that I am currently organizing my movie collection and we are several blocks away from each other I would hug you.
'okay so she just completely ignored what I said, what the hell Berry. Do not dismiss me' I feel my anger rising up at her not answering me 'okay I'm being irrational, why do I care, so what if she likes Kurt and Finn more than me, Kurt is gay and Finn well she left him its not like she could ever like...wait what the fuck does Kurt sexuality have to do with this or Finn being dumped...UGH its cuz I don't think they deserve to be her friend. Kurt always fights with her for solos when she is clearly more talented and well I'll be damned if Berry thinks Finnessa is better than me' I muster up all the self control I have to not go off and just go with a simple but aggressive.
7:27pm
QF: yeah sure thing, Berry.
I throw my phone against my wall cringing at the sound it makes, instantly regretting it I run to pick it up inspecting it for cracks or breaks as I walk back to my bed and sit down on it. 'Okay, control yourself, why are you getting so worked up over nothing Fabray, ever since becoming pregnant Rachel just messes with my head, with her stupid beautiful voice and her stupid smile and her stupid legs that go on forever and her stupid caramel skin and her lips that look so soft' my heart rate quickens as I close my eyes thinking about her wondering about how her lips would taste, I lay down bringing my hand to my own lips than move it down my body as I picture what it would feel like to touch her skin 'I just want to k-' My eyes burst open at the sound of my phone going off. Sitting up again I feel dazed 'Cheerios practice must of really worn me, I keep zoning out'
7:27pm
RBB: If I am being completely honest with you Quinn. You are the one person I've always wanted to be friends with more than anyone else, so it would be safe to assume that you would be my favorite friend as you so MODESTLY put it even though our friendship is fairly new. Now I am struggling to figure out the best way to organize this movie collection, I have been at it almost all day :(
My whole body tingles at the idea of being her favorite anything 'wait, I thought she was busy with someone'
7:28pm
QF: wait so you didn't go out with anyone or have anyone over?
'ok now I'm confused? Was she just not replying because she didn't want to or something, I know it was like 15 minutes in-between but still before she replied instantly'
7:28pm
RBB: No, I have been organizing my movie collection for the past 4 and a half hours. At first I wanted to do it by genre, but than I thought maybe by studio would be better, and well that did not work out, so I am currently back to sorting by genre again but it just does not feel right...
RBB: Should I try by box art color it would make it look more appealing to the eye. Though it would not be the most practical way of sorting out the movies, or I could do alphabetical order?
RBB: Also if you do not mind me asking, why is it that you thought I was with anyone in the first place?
'who spends almost 5 hours organizing movies in diffre... actually its Berry, I'm surprised she didn't make a PowerPoint presentation of the different types of ways to organize movies' I laugh at the thought of her sitting at her desk with her laptop tongue sticking out of the side as she is fully concentrating on movie organization research. 'I thought you was with someone because you took forever to reply to me ugh ok be cool about it just casually mention it'
7:29pm
QF: you just replied really slow or whatever, so I assumed that maybe you were busy with someone else
'well played Fabray, that whatever makes it seem like you aren't bothered...even though you totally are' I think the last part bitterly
7:29pm
RBB: No I haven't been with anyone. Why would me replying slowly mean I was with someone. Also what someone did you happen to think I was partaking activities together with?
'Because I'm...fuck I don't know why my head instantly jumped to the thought of her with someone else, I won't even question why that makes me want to punch the wall'
7:30pm
QF: I don't know
and its the truth, I really don't, before I know it I'm typing out my thoughts to her
QF: I thought maybe, in the time we didn't talk you might of told whoever you're crushing on that you like them and idk gone out or something? I wouldn't of been able to know if you did or didn't since we didn't speak
My bottom lips starts to quiver slightly. 'I don't want her with anyone else' Is the first thought that pops into my head as I hit send God what is wrong with me.' I let out a bitter and sad laugh. 'How many times will I think that sentence today. I'm a selfish friend, no I should be happy if she finds someone, as long as they are good enough and I approve of course' as an after thought I add 'not that I'll approve of anyone'
7:30pm
RBB: Oh, well actually, I had not spoken to them in a few days
I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest and suddenly all the sadness I felt before has vanished
7:31pm
QF: why not?
7:31pm
RBB: We had a disagreement
'oh this gets better and better, what the hell did that punk do' I excitedly type my next message trying to cheer her up but also wanting information
7:32pm
QF: Did they say something to upset you? Do you need me to beat them up :(
'I already hate them, especially if they upset her. Why does Rachel always like assholes, like Finn and St. Jackass and even Puck though 2 days of making out could hardly be called a relationship' My hand grips the phone tighter as I let out a grunt of frustration with the thought of Puck and Rachel making out
7:33pm
RBB: they did say certain things that caused me to become deeply saddened, but we have made up now, so there is no need for the "beating up" of anyone. Quinn Fabray. Thank you for trying to defend my honor though.
'OHHH that's it they are so dead'
7:33pm
QF: yeah well if they hurt you again, I'll kick their ass :)
'I'm kicking their ass either way...but she doesn't have to know that' I smile mischievously to myself thinking of ways to make their life hell
7:34pm
RBB: That would be a very interesting fight to witness I will not lie, even though I do not condone violence against anyone.
RBB: Unless of course it is for self defense purposes. It would be very ill-advised to just let someone hurt you and not fight back because of a moral compass which is a good moral compass might I add, but not in the case of life and death situations. Hopefully I am never put in one, I have taken many self defense classes, and I still find the idea of having to hurt another human being rather daunting. Especially if the fight gets out of hand and I am forced to use lethal force, I don't think I could live with the fact that I am the cause for someone's death
'she is so cute when she rambles, even through text, it would be so much better if I could hear her voice while she does it though would it be too weird to call her now...is it weird I think her rambles are cute? No its not, B thinks Rachel is adorable all the time too, oh and puppies are cute' I start to become uncomfortable 'okay don't compare puppies cuteness to Rachel's' that makes my stomach turn as I start to grimace, 'Britt is cute like a puppy but Rach...no definitely not the same type of cuteness' I feel myself flush, I can't tell her that, not again I've already called her cute once, she might think its odd, play it cool Fabray..
7:34pm
QF: Jesus Berry calm down, I get it, I won't be kicking any ass anytime soon
7:35pm
RBB: Thank you for taking my advice, I can still create a presentation for you if you ever get impulses of beating others up, I am very good with PowerPoint presentations as you have seen before, I have actually created one on why we would make great friends, though I never got to give it to you due to our argument.
'oh no please not another one' I panic at the thought of sitting through another 2 hour long session of PowerPoint slides with mismatched neon colors that make my eye balls want to set themselves on fire, while my brain tries to pound its way out of my skull. I reply as fast as humanly possible hoping that she hasn't come up with any ideas yet
7:35pm
QF: Nope no PowerPoints needed, advice fully taken
I notice she hasn't replied in the past 20 minutes, 'must be busy, I hope she isn't making a presentation would it be a bitch move if I launched her laptop out the window' lay down for a bit thinking about our conversation today and all the emotions it brought out, especially how angry I got at her secret crush, which she won't tell me about "WHO THE HELL CAUGHT YOUR EYE BERRY AND WHY WON'T YOU SPILL" 'maybe they are taken, and she doesn't want to go through another Finn situation like she did with me, or OH NO,' "what if she likes a teacher again" 'After Mr. Schue, I wouldn't put it past her. Maybe I should ask again, if I keep at it she will give in sooner or later...speaking of EW I can't believe she liked Mr. Schue. What did she fall for? His vest addiction or the fact that he seems to think having ramen noodle hair is a good look for him' I start to laugh at the thought.
7:55pm
QF: so now that we are friends, can you finally tell me who you like :)
8:01pm
RBB: My apologies Quinn, I was getting ready for bed. Since I have completed everything that needed to be done today, I thought I would get ready early so I can enjoy Funny Girl before I head to sleep. Best part of having a television in my room is Barbra right before bed. Maybe that is why I have had dreams about her every night, I will not lie and say I do not enjoy them, though I enjoy some more than others. The ones where I lose my voice and become a hobo while Barbra disowns me as her fan aren't as pleasant, in fact I would call them nightmares if it was not for the fact that Barbra actually spoke to me even if it was to call me a talentless hobo. I should probably talk to my therapist about my odd yet very specific fear of becoming a hobo forced to eat 3 day old burritos WHICH ARE NON VEGAN might I add, while caring for Bobo.
'Of course she watches Barbra before bed, typical Berry. She even dreams about her every night, maybe Barbra is her secret crush' I burst out laughing at the thought 'yeah right secret everyone knows Berry would lick the ground Barbra walks on even if she stepped on dog shit...I wonder if she ever dreams about me...wait what the fuck is a Bobo... '
8:01pm
RBB: How am I meant to feed a blind rat when I can not even find adequate food for myself, Quinn if I die promise me Bobo will be safe in your hands
'blind rat? WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT...did I miss something. AND WHAT IS A BOBO' I stare at my screen incredulously
8:02pm
QF: Berry what the hell are you talking about. And what is a Bobo
8:02pm
RBB: Bobo is my blind rat which I will find while searching the streets for scraps, at first we fight because we both want that burrito, the fight gets hard and bloody, but he beats me, running away with the last of the food he looks back and realizes, we should work together not against each other. splitting the burrito in half we stare into each others eyes and know we aren't so different and the rest is history. A story so amazing they will make musicals about it.
My jaw just hangs open at what I'm reading. 'Did she hit her head? I'm so confused' I scratch my head tying to ignore that and talk about anything else I start typing out a question
8:03pm
QF: Do you ever dream about me?
I've sent it before I read it too distracted picturing Rachel fighting with bobo for food. "shit" 'that is not what I was gonna ask'
8:03pm
RBB: My dreams stay between me and my dream diary ;)
'wait she has a dream diary who the hell has a dream diary WAIT does that mean she does dream about me, what kind of dreams, good, bad...sexual dreams, its perfectly normal to have sex dreams about your friends it doesn't make you're gay, S and B told me, and Puck had a sex dream about his mom once, he looked like he wanted to projectile vomit while recounting it so it doesn't mean anything, If he can have that...disturbing dream, than it proves its normal to dream about others when you don't like them too, doesn't make me gay, whatever I felt was just my mind being stupid...I've had dreams about her...doing...things...so its only normal that she also has dreams about me...did she feel the same way I felt in my dreams' The room is starting to feel hotter 'I wonder if mom turned up the heating' is my last thought as I hear the dinging of my phone
8:04pm
RBB: Quinn, as I have previously mentioned to you I have no intentions of revealing who I harbor feelings towards, even if we have become friends.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME"
8:04pm
QF: but I wanna know who you like
'I'm turning into a whining baby at this point'
8:05pm
RBB: May I ask why it is you want to know so badly?
"UGH BECAUSE I WANT IT TO B-" *DING* "AAAAH" the notification gets me out of my rage induced words 'What was I going to say' "fuck sake" I've always hated being distracted especially when I can't remember what the hell I was going to say, sometimes when I get frustrated I say things that just pop into my head without thinking, which is why I end up insulting people if I'm pissed at them. i don't know why I'm so mad or why I care so much.
8:05pm
RBB: If you do not mind me asking of course
8:06pm
QF: Because I just do okay
At this point I feel defeated, I just want to know and the more she refuses to tell me the more upset I become, and God I want to cry...'why am I so sad, is it because she wont trust me even though she said we were friends? Plus I just want to protect her against them, I already can tell they are an asshole and I won't like them one bit, I need to protect her. She is so important to me' My heart hurts more at the thought of how important she really is 'I don't want her to be with anyone else...that will hurt her' I quickly correct my thoughts.
QF: I want to see if they are good enough for you
QF: you know friends give friends dating advice and stuff
"Yeah and my advice is I hate them, they aren't good enough and they better stay away from you" I say bitingly.
8:07pm
RBB: It makes me glad that you care so much about the well being of my dating life Quinn, as I have said before, I believe they do not harbor the same feelings as I do for them, so it is best to keep it to myself.
My heart constricts at her being so unsure of herself, why would she be so sure they could never like her back. Not that I want them to like her back because they obviously not good enough for her, but I also don't want her to be rejected. "Great I just confused myself"
8:07pm
QF: Why are you so sure they don't feel the same way?
I ask wondering why she is so sure they don't like her back, than I feel the strong urge to let her know how special she is
QF: You're amazing Rach. Anyone would like you
I smile as I type that. 'she really is amazing'
8:09pm
RBB: Anyone?
'duh you would have to be blind and deaf not to like her, sure she can be a bit annoying and talks to much sometimes but that's all part of the charm that makes her, well her'
8:09pm
QF: yeah
I type back without hesitation knowing its true
8:12pm
RBB: Lots of people would not be attracted to me Quinn. I have come to accept that, as I have accepted that my love is unrequited. I am happy simply being their friend.
'she is friends with them...but she is only friends with Finn, Kurt, and myself...OH GOD DOES SHE LIKE KURT, is that why she knows he will never like her...unless she has friends I don't know about, she does go to ballet and dance classes outside of school'
8:13pm
QF: So you're friends with them?
QF: Do I know them?
8:13pm
RBB: Yes we have recently become friends and yes you do know them...
'OH GOD IT IS KURT' *DING*
RBB: but you also know over half the school ;)
"YOU. HAVE. GOT. TO. BE. KIDDING. ME" 'okay so maybe not Kurt since they have been friends for awhile, and she said they became friends recently...what if...hmm no that can't be'
8:13pm
QF: UGHHH BERRY I SWEAR ILL FIND OUT
8:18pm
RBB: I hope you don't mean that
I stare at my phone disbelievingly 'is she that scared that I'll find out, must be pretty bad'
RBB: Like I said they do not feel the same way Quinn. I am contempt being simply friends. It is more than I thought we would ever be
I feel myself become more and more frustrated as time passes, I type out a reply which ends up with several key mashes and me deleting and re writing it several times
8:23pm
QF: That is so stupid like I said anyone would like you, you're talented, and pretty and you're just...ugh just tell me who it is
8:25pm
RBB: Would you ever like me Quinn?
Suddenly everything stops, all I can hear is the sound of my heart beating in my ears. dun...dun... dun.. dun. DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNN DUNNNDUNNNDUNNN *DING* I jump at the sound of something other than my heart beating. I look down noticing my hands are trembling, with shaky hands I pick up the phone that I had dropped without noticing.
8:26pm
RBB: You said anyone would like me. Would you ever like me?
'yes...no what the fuck I meant no, I wouldn't because I like guys, but if I didn't like guys which I do very much I like guys I mean I dated Finn and slept with Puck, I was pregnant, but if I didn't I would like Rachel, but I don't because I'm straight but if she was a guy...' All of me wants to say yes, but that's a silly thought, I'm straight I like boys not girls, not Rachel. So I send a simple reply
8:29pm
QF: No
Sudden sorrow fills me up, its as if my heart has stopped all I can think is 'I said no, no no no no' my head starts pounding 'I feel bad because I rejected her, not that she was asking me out or anything right? she wasn't asking if I liked her because she likes me? Right? I've rejected plenty of boys before, its never hurt this bad, probably because Rachel is a friend'
8:36pm
RBB: Exactly, so do not say anyone would like me, you just proved my point, that there are others out there who will not ever like me. The person I like does not like me back, and I am okay with that. So please just drop it.
oh so she was just trying to prove a point, she doesn't like me. I should feel relieved, happy that our friendship wont turn awkward, but I don't. I don't feel that at all. I try to smile but it feels as though my heart is breaking
8:37pm
QF: But Rach I don't count, I mean I'm straight...and its not like if you were actually asking me because you liked me right?...
Needing to make sure she knows its only because I'm straight and not because she isn't good enough, because she is. 'she is good enough' I add the last part just because I need her to confirm what I was thinking, that she didn't like me.
8:41pm
RBB: Do not worry Quinn I was just trying to prove a point nothing more. Now I must be heading off to bed. Goodnight Quinn.
'oh' I can't tell if the hurt I feel is because I rejected her or because she doesn't like me 'not because I want her to...because I don't of course that would be.. if she liked me it would just be the bes- weird um it would be weird, just I'm Quinn Fabray, everyone likes me'. I don't want her to go to sleep yet, even though this conversation somehow turned into an emotional rollercoaster I just feel the need to keep speaking to her.
8:42pm
QF: Wait, I'm sorry if I upset you don't go, its still so early
8:43pm
RBB: you did not upset me Quinn, I had already accepted it long ago, I just actually need some sleep I just feel extra tired today so I'll head to bed early :)
'than why do I feel like I've done something to hurt you...'
8:43pm
QF: Oh but I'll miss you :(
'OH MY FREAKING GOD. DID. I. JUST. SEND. HER. THAT.' I can feel my whole body cringing inside out 'HOW DID I GO FROM HBIC TO THIS...DAMN YOU BERRY, I'm not being myself at all, since when do I show any emotion or tell people that... I miss them'
8:44pm
RBB: You will not be able to miss me much if you sleep in a timely manner :)
8:44pm
QF: Who sleeps before 12 Berry?
'oh no she has been typing forever quick do something before she lectures you'
8:46pm
QF: yea yea, Berry no need to lecture me I see you typing up a storm :)
'oh thank God she stopped...OH NO SHE STARTED AGAIN'
8:47pm
RBB: Very well than, since you have seen it my way, I shall save that lecture for another day.
'That was close' I smile at the thought of her huffing at her phone while typing out different reasons for me to change my sleeping habits 'she is so cute' I smile wider at the thought of a good morning text again from her tomorrow 'I haven't gotten one in ages'
8:47pm
QF: Goodnight Rach x
my heart flutters at the x, I remember the first time I sent it, I had a whole panic attack about her thinking I was weird. Than she sent me a whole essay about texting articles or some shit, now I can't help but feel warm inside when I send it to her, or when she sends them back. 'I've never sent them to anyone before, must be the new experience making me feel so giddy'
8:48pm
RBB: Goodnight Quinn.
'okay...' I frown at the lack of x
8:48pm
QF: wow no x :(
'Now I sound needy but listen, I sent her one its only fair she does the same, plus like I said I never exchanged them with anyone so doing this just...a new experience that happens to make me feel like I'm f-' *DING* I pick up my phone and glare "OKAY MR. YOU HAVE A BAD HABBIT OF INTURUPTING MY THOUGHTS"
8:48pm
RBB: Goodnight Quinn x
I turn over on my bed, pulling my blankets up, I just stare at my phone running my thumb over the message just looking at it till my phone screen turns off and I notice the stupid smile on my face. I grunt at how strange I probably seem I look around as if Jacob ben Israel is going to pop up with a camera asking me to explain why I was practically molesting a text message 'good thing no one was around to see me' I open my phone back up not being able to help myself and type out one last reply for the night, the smile on my face only getting brighter.
8:49pm
QF: Night Rach xx
And with that I finally turn off my phone, close my eyes, take a deep breath and...open my eyes, turn my phone back on, scroll all the way to the top and re read our conversation grinning to myself.
A.N: AS YOU CAN SEE QUINN IS VERY CONFUSED ABOUT WHY SHE NEEDS RACHEL SO MUCH AND HER FEELINGS, HAVING NEVER FELT THIS WAY ABOUT ANYONE BEFORE SHE IS IN SUCH DEEEEEEP DENIAL SHE IS DROWNING AS WELL AS STUPID TO HER OWN FEELINGS.