A/N: This chapter wouldve come out so much quicker of Jack Boyle wasn't so hard for me to write for. There's so little of him in canon I worry i'm writing him all wrong. Still though, I didn't think this story could be done right without him.

This chapter features some headcanons of mine. Personally I believe Jack and Erin's marriage may have been a shotgun wedding. According to the Wiki there's a 20 year age difference between Erin and Nicky and I just can't imagine Erin outright planning to get married and have a baby at that age. Hope you guys don't mind.

[PLEASE READ SECOND A/N AT THE END]

Jack Boyle was not a perfect man. He was not a bad man, but there were many things about himself he wished he could change. Unlike most people it wasn't simple things like his appearance or his job that Jack wished to change. On the contrary, he had no complaints about his looks and he would never dream of giving up being a defense attorney. But Jack simply wished he was better.

A better person, a better husband, a better father. Jack couldn't help the feeling that if he had been all those things his life would've turned out so much happier. Sure, with a steady job, a house and a sizable amount of disposable income he was already better off than most people in the country—but he wasn't happy.

Though Jack Boyle was a winner in the courtroom, in life he'd suffered many losses and they were all his fault.

There was one point in his life where Jack was sure he and Erin would be together forever; soulmates. They were on opposite sides, a future defense attorney and a prosecutor. She was hotheaded and so was he. They shouldn't have worked but they did, for a while anyway. They were just kids falling in headfirst into a relationship that burned hot and fast.

When Erin had told him she was pregnant he didn't hesitate to get down on one knee. It wasn't how he'd imagined things going but he wasn't just 'doing the right thing'. True, Jack had his fair share of Catholic guilt, but he'd proposed to Erin because he loved her and getting married was what you did when you loved someone—what difference could a few years make?

He and Erin tied the knot at Morgan Hall before either of them was old enough to drink, and a few months later Nicky was born. Things were hard from the get go. Neither one of them had any plans of putting their future careers on hold, they'd had to rely heavily on Erin's family to look after Nicky while the pair of them waded through law school. So whether it was changing diapers at 2 am or passing the bar, there was stress coming from all sides.

There are a great many bad days, days where life's just pushing on them and they think maybe they've made a mistake somewhere...but there are good days too. Wonderful days filled with smiles, longing looks and happy memories and they're sure everything will fall into place if they just keep working at it.

They hadn't exactly planned on having their second child when they did. It might've been smarter to wait until Nicky was a couple years older, but as they say: Man makes plans and God laughs...

If you asked Jack, God had a pretty shity sense of humor. He never could understand the kind of God that could allow a defenseless baby to be stolen by some maniac.

That was Jack's first loss, and what a loss it was. Though there was no body it was like a death to him. He had hope at first, but after about a month with no news he couldn't imagine ever finding Rosemary again. He wasn't stupid. If ransom wasn't what they were after then it was unlikely they'd taken Rosie with the intention of keeping her alive.

He didn't handle it well.

There's no 'right' way to handle this sort of situation but even so there are so many things that Jack knows he did wrong. Erin was still holding on to hope while he was spiraling into grief. It spilled out of him, it made him mean, it made him irrational.

He blamed Erin for not keeping a better eye on their baby, for letting it happen. He never actually said this of course, but his actions gave him away—in how quickly his mood could turn, in how short he was with Erin, in how often he'd be away from home.

He regretted it all now. He regretted it more than anything. He could blame his grief, but even back then there was a part of him that was aware he was wrong. It was just easier than having no one to be angry at.

He'd lost his daughter to a cruel human being and an even crueler God who'd allowed it to happen. All the hopes and dreams he'd had for her had been dashed away and there was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing Jack Boyle could do about it because he wasn't there.

If he'd been a better father he would've been there. He would've joined his family at the park and it wouldn't have happened. They could've been safe. But instead of being a good father Jack was at work on a Saturday while his family was being torn apart.

Had he been a better husband—a better man— he wouldn't have allowed his relationship with Erin to fall apart the way it had. Instead he lost the woman he once thought he'd spend the rest of his life with...maybe 'drove away' would've been the better term.

The one thing Jack hadn't driven away yet was Nicky. He'd already lost one daughter, he didn't plan on losing another...but man makes plans and God laughs

A lot of guys are disappointed when their firstborn turns out to be a girl, but not Jack. If anything he was relieved. Jack, a son of a single mother, didn't think he'd know how to properly be a father to a boy. He wished he could go back in time to where Nicky was little and it was so easy to get everything right, when he was Nicky's Prince Charming and she was his princess.

Nicky was still his princess and she always would be, no matter how old she got, but Jack wouldn't delude himself into believing that Nicky still saw him as a kind of superhero who could do no wrong. Despite what he'd promised himself the day Jack had found out Erin was pregnant, he'd done wrong by Nicky. He didn't go out for a proverbial pack of cigarettes and never come back as his father had done, but in a lot of ways he was just as absent.

Hindsight is supposed to be 20/20 but he's still not sure how he let things get this way. After what'd happened to Rosemary he'd tried to hold onto Nicky for dear life, but the grief, the anger, made it so hard. Years pass and it's still hard, though now it's less about grief and more about...about what?

About the fact that when he looks at Nicky he can't help but think about how his baby was probably killed in cold blood? About fear, and how Jack's so afraid of losing his last little girl, so afraid of doing the wrong thing he couldn't bring himself to do anything—didn't come up for air long enough to realize everything he was missing out on?

Nicky was older now, just a step away from becoming an adult who didn't need or want him anymore. Gone were the days of being affectionately referred to as "daddy". He couldn't get back all that time he'd missed, he didn't plan on missing anymore.

It'd be hard to earn his place in Nicky's life again but the alternative was just too much to bear.

Still though he wished God would cut him some slack every once in a while. He owed him that much

"Do me a favor. Make me a list. I'll put it on my refrigerator door: Things Jack Could Do Right!"

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January 3, 2001

There was a knock at the door. The woman waited for a second, then a third more impatient knock before deciding to answer.

Behind the door stood a handsome dark-haired young man with a set of green eyes that drove the woman crazy. "Hey Jennie." He said lamely.

There was an awkward pause where she did nothing but stare fixedly at him. He looked into her eyes then quickly looked away. "You dye your hair? The brown looks good on you."

"Hey Jennie? I haven't seen you in months and all you can say is 'hey Jennie!" She wasn't really upset with him. Not now that he'd come back. But she wanted to make him feel guilty.

Like clockwork, he shrank under the heat of her tone. "What do you want Ben?" She spat, relishing the downtrodden look on his face.

"Can we talk?" his voice was pleading. She made like she was about to shut the door in his face so he'd run to her.

"Please," he begged, his brow twisted in anguish. "Please Jen just-just give me a chance."

They were practically nose to nose. From this distance she could smell his cologne clearly as it mingled with the scent of the leather jacket he had on. God how she missed that smell!

Ben had his hand on the door. He could've forced his way in if he wanted to, but he wouldn't. Ben wasn't like that, he'd wait to be invited in. He was too soft, too sweet to do otherwise. That was what she liked about him.

"Talk about what Ben! Talk about how you decided to run out on me while pregnant like some deadbeat and leave me to raise our kid all by myself! Is that what you wanna talk about?!" She was shouting so the whole neighborhood could see the show. So he'd feel ashamed. If their arguing didn't draw a crowd then the sight of them would. She had on nothing but a half open bathrobe and sweatpants and her hair had seen better days. She was working that 'frazzled new mom' look.

True to form, Jennie could see Mrs. Nelson from across the street had craned her head to listen while she picked up her mail, eager to get her hands on any new gossip.

Jennie was ready to unleash another wave of abuse at the man she loved when the shrill cry of an infant sounded from upstairs. Inwardly the woman groaned.

Ben looked at her now, a silent question on his pale, chiseled face.

Jennie actually had to think about it this time. She'd wanted to draw things out out here, make Ben sweat this out so he could really see the mistake he made by leaving her. But she supposed she could be the bigger person. Without a word she stepped back into the house and marched up the stairs just behind her, leaving Ben to come in after her.

Neither one said anything as they made their way up, the silence being broken only by the continued sounds of crying. Jennie was too busy planning the best way to handle the situation while Ben was struck dumb by emotion.

When they made it to an open doorway he stood frozen as he watched his former fiancée quickly walk into a pale pink colored nursery and scoop up a sobbing baby from the crib in the center of the room. As the shorter woman skillfully bounced the little girl on her hip and murmured soothing words of comfort, Ben could feel his legs start to shake.

It was an emotional thing, meeting your baby for the first time. Doubly so when it's several months late.

He hadn't known what to do when Jennie had told him she was pregnant. By that time he'd already broken things off with her, called off the wedding and gone so far as to say he hoped he never saw her again.

It felt like a horrible thing to admit now, but at first he was convinced that Jennie was making it all up. But time went by and she'd started to swell. When she'd started mailing him ultrasound photos there was no denying it. Still, Ben had refused to see Jennie. It wasn't because he was afraid of the responsibility of being a father, but because he was afraid of how Jennie would react once she saw him. She was so… so...sensitive; their relationship had felt like he was perpetually walking on eggshells.

"Are you going to stand there like an idiot or do you want to come and meet your daughter?" This sassy remark seemed to snap the green-eyed man out of his stupor as he robotically made his way over to the pair.

The baby had calmed down and had settled for playing with a handful of long dyed brown hair. As the chubby infant babbled contentedly in the woman's arm, Ben looked down at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

This made Jennie smile. She knew Ben wanted kids more than anything. She knew he'd love the baby the moment he'd lay eyes on her. And she knew he'd love her for giving it to him.

"What's, what's her name?" Ben asked softly. Jennie couldn't tell if he was afraid to speak too loudly or if the fact that he looked like he was about to cry had something to do with it.

Jennie smoothed some of the baby's light brown hair. "I named her after your grandmother…" she turned her face into one of hardship and misery. "I uh, figured you'd like that…you can hold her if you want."

Once more at loss for words, Ben could only stick his arms out to indicate that; yes he would like to hold his daughter.

The baby fussed as she was handed over to him, likely frightened now that she was being held by someone she didn't recognize. The fact that his own flesh and blood saw him as a stranger made Ben's insides burn with guilt.

Feeling awkward he tried comforting the child the way he'd seen Jennie do, rocking in place and holding her close. She felt pleasantly warm against him, like a tiny ray of sunshine. "Hey…" he cooed softly. "Hey Rosalie…" She looked up at him and Ben smiled brightly. She smiled back, revealing adorable little baby dimples. "Hi!"

"She looks just like you ya know."

Ben could certainly see it. Jennie's hair was a natural blonde so Rosalie would've gotten her coloring from him. The baby's skin wasn't pasty pale like hers either, and those dimples were a dead ringer for the ones he himself sported. The only clear similarity between mother and daughter was their eye color. But who was to say how that might change as the baby got older.

"She's beautiful." Ben said, running his fingers over soft, little baby hairs while she laid against his chest. Already, he could feel the little girl working her way into his heart. He loved that feeling.

"The prettiest rose in the garden." Jennie said fondly. She and Ben were nose to nose again. It would've been so easy to lean up and steal a kiss. But it was too early for that. Instead she settled for resting a hand in his upper arm, feeling his muscles through his jacket.

"Listen Jen...I am so so sorry—"

"Oh your sorry!" Jennie cut in viciously. "You think just because you're 'sorry' that makes it all better."

"Jennie I—"

"You really hurt me Ben! I thought…" her voice broke and her eyes had become heavy with tears. "I thought you were better than that. I thought you were different..."

The baby had started to cry at the sound of their yelling, Jennie snatched the girl up before Ben could protest. "Give her to me, give her to me. It's okay sweetheart mommy's here." She walked off a few paces, putting distance between herself and her ex-fiancée, facing away from him.

As she busied herself with comforting her child, tears had begun falling down Jennie's face. She sniffled miserably. This drove Ben crazy like she knew it would.

He came up behind her, his own voice cracking with emotion. "I'm sorry Jennie. I shouldn't have left you on your own like that. It wasn't right."

"No it wasn't!" The faux brunette agreed vehemently. She still wouldn't turn to look at him. "You have no idea how hard it's been, stuck in this house all alone. I had no support Ben. None!"

"I know—"

"Do you know I couldn't even put your name on the birth certificate because you weren't there to sign? Do you know how embarrassing that was—to give birth on my own with no one there but the midwife. A complete stranger, witnessing your child's birth while you were god knows where!"

"Midwife? Did you not go—"

Jennie spun around angrily, hot tears streaming down her face. "Yes a midwife. You know I hate hospitals! Don't try and change the subject, you're the one at fault here not me! Besides if you hadn't been such a sorry excuse for man and actually been here we could've discussed it. You don't get to criticize my choices!

Ben had his hands up in a placating gesture. His eyes were glossy. He couldn't seem to get his mouth to work right. "That wasn't—I wasn't—I didn't mean…" He looked so lost. Distress was just oozing off him in waves. Jennie was sure he'd break any second now.

"I went through the pregnancy on my own! Labor on my own! Months of raising my daughter on my own! She punctuated each sentence with an aggressive step forward. "From where I'm standing we don't even need you."

"No Jennie please!" Ben was openly crying now, his arms clutching at the open air helplessly. Jennie turned her body away from him, clutching the crying baby close to her chest, out of his reach. She went in for the kill.

"This isn't a game Ben. A baby isn't some New Years resolution you can back out on in a few months. She needs you. But I can't let you into Rosalie's life if all you're gonna do is hurt her by leaving when things get hard. I just can't!"

The very thought of not being in his daughter's life was like a hot knife through Ben's heart. Jennie knew this.

She knew her beautiful, sweet, sensitive man inside and out. She knew what buttons to push, knew how to hit him where it hurt. Right now he was thinking about all the milestones he'd miss out on. Remembering the pain he felt at having a parent who wasn't there when he needed them. Remembering how he'd promised himself that things would be different when he had kids of his own.

He was on his knees now, begging. "I'm sorry Jen. I'll never forgive myself for what I did. Just please give me a chance to make it up to you. To both of you! I promise I'll make it work. You'll see I'll do better, I'll—just please Jen don't…!"

Please don't take my baby...please just let me have my daughter...

Jennie had gotten down on the hardwood floor with him. With one hand on his shoulder she looked him in the eye. "Promise me Ben," she cried tearfully. "Promise me you won't leave us again. Promise me you won't leave our little girl."

"I promise!" Jennie pulled him into a hug before hungrily stealing the kiss she longed for. Now that her work was done the crying in her ear was beginning to irritate her. She handed the baby over into a grateful Ben's arms.

Happy tears filled the man's eyes. "It's okay baby. Daddy's here. Daddy's here and he's not going anywhere. I promise."

A/N:

Okay so I don't know whether to call it a hint, a clue, an easter egg or what but if you read the second half of this chapter you should be able to find a small connection between it and a previous chapter. At least I hope you can. Please let me know your thoughts!

Also I'm trying to write things so they come together slowly chapter by chapter, like a mystery or a puzzle if you will. But i've never done anything like this before so i'm worried that rather than foreshadowing and sucessfully draw out the mystery I'm just confusing you guys.

So if you don't mind could y'all tell me your feelings about the second half of this chapter specifically? And in particular: Were you able to tell that Jennie and Jane Doe from last chapter are the same person, at what point did you know? Does everything make sense or did I lose some of y'all?