She started coming to, her mouth impossibly dry with an absurd amount of pain radiating from her abdomen. She drew in a sharp, sudden breath, clenching her fists and trying to sit up.

"Woah, don't do that, we finally stopped the bleeding," Caesar said, pushing carefully on her shoulder so she couldn't move. She dropped her head back, looking up at the ceiling and feeling the uncomfortable sway of turbulence.

Caesar reached over her and fiddled with the bag of fluids, but all she noticed was his hands and forearms soaked in blood. Her memory was fuzzy and her head was pounding something awful.

"What-" she tried, but her voice was scratchy and dry.

"It's alright, kid," Caesar said, giving her hand a squeeze, "we're all here. Be down on the ground in no time. You just rest, and you stick around, hear me?"

She closed her eyes and tried to nod, focusing as best as she could on breathing through the gnawing pain in her side. She didn't remember getting stabbed, but she remembered looking down at the knife, and that was really it. It must've been all the adrenaline that kept her going for as long as she did, and she figured that was a good thing because if it hadn't, she'd probably be rotting in a jungle fire.

"She alright?"

Her eyes twitched a little at the voice but she kept them closed, swallowing over a wave of nausea.

"Better," Caesar said with a huff, "could really use a shower myself, though."

There was the sound of somebody patting someone else, and then the shuffling as somebody sat down. She felt another hand graze over hers and she tensed, opening her eyes weakly.

"Lee?" She asked, trying to make him out as he was just out of her line of sight. Her voice was dry and weak, so unlike the way she normally spoke.

"Yeah," he said, not bothering to come closer. She could hear him breathing. The fight was coming back to her, but she was too tired to care about anything. She just let her eyes close again.

"We're almost home," he said, and she felt his thumb rub circles over her knuckles. "Ugh, christ, I'm… I'm sorry."

She stayed quiet and listened, pulling her lips apart slightly since her split bottom lip hurt when it rested against her upper lip. She was soaked in blood but Lee could tell she was pale underneath it all.

"Just hang on, alright?"

She tried to mouth something in response but felt herself getting too tired to move. She focused on the feeling of his fingers against the back of her hand while she fell back asleep.

—-

When the plane landed, Church had a medical detail ready and waiting to triage her and get her from the plane. Caesar and Toll walked out into the fresh air, arms covered in her blood. Lee walked alongside Barney, who insisted on following her along to the hospital despite how exhausted he was.

"I should go with you," Lee said, more to himself than to Barney, watching the paramedics load her and some fresh fluids into the back of an ambulance.

Barney glanced over at him and sighed, taking in the blood on his shirt as well as the bit of blood he got on his hands when he caught her and picked her up. "You should take a shower."

Lee rolled his eyes. "I don't-"

He stopped to think. He didn't like dragging blood home to Lacy, since he thought maybe it would scare her away. When he could, he'd get himself patched up in the hangar or the garage, showing up at Lacy's house with only a few bruises and maybe a healing cut. He really didn't want to go to his old apartment, which he hadn't been to in a while. Really, he was afraid that Dusty would die in the hospital and it would be his fault, and to add salt to the wound, he was in the shower when it happened.

He shook his head, "I can do that when we get the all clear."

Barney looked him over. "I guess you look better than those two."

Toll and Caesar were coated in blood. It was really a miracle she had survived, especially after that sprint from the explosion to the plane.

Barney hopped in his truck and Lee climbed into the passenger side, pulling out some alcohol wipes and to try and clean off his hands.

"Did you really leave her there?" Barney asked, looking over at Lee as he drove.

Lee sighed and shook his head. "I really thought she had taken care of it."

Barney lowered his sunglasses and turned his attention back to the road in front of him. It wasn't a long drive to the hospital, but the silence stretched it out some. Lee cleaned off as much of his hands and arms as he could, but his shirt was hopeless, and probably stained through. He figured that he might be able to get something clean from the lost and found or the gift shop- hell, maybe he'd even snatch some scrubs.

When they walked into the hospital Dusty had already been moved from the emergency department to surgery. They had prepared for her ahead of time- that was the beauty of doing jobs for the CIA, Barney supposed. Fast care, no questions asked. They found their way to the waiting room and plopped down in two chairs right next to each other. Lee leaned his head back, completely worn out, and covered his face with his hands.

He wasn't sure how long it was before the surgeon came out, but Barney slapped his shoulder and stood.

"How is she?" Barney asked, reaching out to shake the doctor's hand. He took it, looking both Barney and Lee over for a moment before he spoke.

"She's okay," he said after a breath, "it wasn't awfully deep, but it was definitely quite the bleeder. It missed anything vital, thankfully, so she should be out of here in no time. She'll have to take it easy, though. If you ask me, I'd say she is incredibly lucky."

Barney sighed and nodded, so profoundly relieved. He knew she'd hate the idea of taking it easy, and he just could not wait to hear the bickering between her and Lee over that, but god if he wasn't deeply relieved.

Lee was, too. He nearly fell over, his adrenaline completely dumping. He was running on pure nerves before. Barney shoved him and dragged him along after the doctor who lead them both to her room, where she was resting all bandaged and clean in the hospital bed. Barney directed Lee to a chair in the corner of the room and he fell down, closing his eyes with a heavy sigh.

Barney moved to her side and wiped some hair out of her face, looking her over with a nod. "This was too close."

"Don't do that," Lee said, half asleep, "just be glad it turned out the way it did."

Barney rolled his eyes and shot him a look, but Lee was already dozing off. Barney decided it'd be interesting to see how they both reacted to that in the morning and made his way out, stealing one last glance at Dusty before he left.

—-

When she finally started to wake up she was stuck in a cloud. She recognized the feeling of the anesthetic, but she really did hate it. She was clawing tooth and nail to come out of it and reenter the world, but every second she pushed, the next second she'd be pulled back towards sleep. Her memory was fuzzy in the haze of the pain meds, which she only recognized from a few bad jobs when she'd first started. She tried to wiggle her toes and fingers to help ground herself and pull herself out of her mind, and slowly but surely she found her eyelids and pealed them open, grunting against the bright lights.

Fucking ow, she thought, drawing in a sudden breath, life slamming back into her all at once. She glanced over and saw the IV dripping down into her arm and the vitals monitor beeping along, proof of life. She really didn't like hospitals, though she couldn't pinpoint exactly why. She turned her eyes up to the ceiling, squinting against the lights, and sighed. They'd probably never let her live this down. Anytime she'd say she could handle herself, maybe there would be a bit of doubt there. She tried to go over the events leading up to Lee's knife being lodged in her side, which she assumed happen in the roll with the big guy before she stabbed that arrow into his neck. Maybe if she hadn't gotten distracted by Lee she would've seen him coming, but she couldn't emotionally handle the thought of blaming Lee for this mess. Sure, the anger was still there, just under the surface, but god, she was so tired. Maybe she'd blame him for it later, but for right now, she settled for the fact that she just fucked up and it almost killed her.

She heard a shuffle in the corner of the room and her eyes snapped over, seeing Lee sleeping haphazardly in the visitor's chair, his shirt stained and dirty, his stubble filling in along his jaw. She was confused, thinking that she had been alone. She knew the guys would be around, and probably were around while she was knocked out, but she didn't think they were still there.

She tried to lift her arm to toss something at him, but her body was still heavy and weighed down from the anesthesia. She weakly wrapped her fingers around a little notepad on the table beside her and tossed it. It landed just to the side of his thigh, bouncing off of him and slapping onto the ground.

Still, he jumped. Years of training and hunting people had made him a light sleeper. Her arm hung over the edge of the hospital bed and she stared at him as he blinked the night out of his eyes, his hands finding his face to rub his cheeks.

She swallowed, squinting as he leaned forward with a groan. She saw a cup of water on the table, and she realized how dry and sore her throat was, but she couldn't reach it.

He looked up at her, his eyes sad and soft. He parted his lips to speak, but nothing happened. There was just this silence passing between them both, not too heavy, and maybe comfortable. Both of them were afraid to break that blissful quiet, as though if they did, it'd never come back again.

He finally stood up and moved to her side, her eyes following his and searching his face. He looked her over, shaking his head with a heavy sigh that shook his shoulders. Hesitantly, he reached down and touched her hand. He looked like a mess. His shirt was stained and crispy from the dried up blood, he hadn't shaved in days, and he had scratches along his face and hands. She figured he probably smelled pretty rough too, but he was a bit too far away for her to get a sniff of him. It was either that or the antiseptic smell of the hospital was just overpowering everything else.

He was the first one to break the silence. His voice floated in the air, low and light, much more pleasant than that infernal beeping following her heart rate.

"I should've come to check on you even if I thought you had it covered," he said, turning his eyes down to her hand. She felt her breath catch in her throat. He was right, of course. That's always what the team always did. That's why they worked. She didn't speak.

"I'm just-" he sighed, shaking his head and gingerly holding her hand in his own. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you got hurt because I was an idiot."

She just took a few deep breaths and watched him, focusing on his hand on her own, his thumb gently rubbing over her knuckles.

"Water," she said, her voice a scratch in the air. He pulled away from her and grabbed the cup, helping direct the straw into her mouth so she could sip it. It felt so good just to drink. She sighed into it, letting her head fall back in delight. He put the cup down.

"You were kind of an idiot, huh?" She said, trying to laugh a little, but a bit of pressure in her gut stopped her. She found his eyes again and offered him a smile. "I'm alive. It's fine."

He didn't say much, but she could tell he didn't believe it. How could it be fine? Was he angry, jealous, that she'd used that soldier to get them all into the compound? Was it all the things she'd said about Lacy? How could it be fine, even if there was a reason for it, that he left her there and ran out? According to every code he lived by, it couldn't be. It wasn't.

"Hey," she said, reaching up and finding his hand this time, giving it a gentle squeeze, "listen to me. We're fine. We're good. Just be my friend again, yeah? We'll call it even.":

He held her hand back and pulled it to his chest. He nodded, a bit of a smile playing on his lips. "Yeah," he said, "I'd like that."

She looked up at him, smiling back. After a second she grunted, trying to shift herself so she could sit up more, pulling her hand down to the bed to support herself.

"Woah, you just had surgery, you're gonna pull a stitch-" he tried, grabbing extra pillows to shove behind her really fast.

"It's fine," she said, finally sitting up, a bit out of breath, "see? We're fine."

She pulled back the blanket and took in the hospital gown. Carefully she pulled the gown to the side and took in the wound. It was all bandaged up, but the more she looked at it the more she could feel it. She glanced up at Lee, who watched with a sad look in his eyes.

"You should go take a shower," she said finally, looking him up and down. "You look like shit."

He chuckled, pulling her blanket back over her. "Fine, fine. How about I go to the gift shop and get a shirt or something?'

She raised an eyebrow and tried to chuckle. "I said shower, not flowers."

"I don't wanna go yet," he said with a shrug. She knew better than to push that answer with more questions, so she just rested back and nodded, placing her hand over the wound. She remembered looking down and seeing the knife sticking out, lodged in layers of cloth and skin. It was a combination of seeing it and crashing from lack of adrenaline that had made her pass out. Probably blood loss, too.

Lee headed out the door, looking like a mess, and she sighed. The arm she'd been scratched up on was wrapped in bandages, too. She felt like an absolute disaster. She got the job done, though. That place was blown to high hell and it was pretty clean.

When he eventually came back he had a little paper bag in his hand, still in his dirty clothes. He headed over to the corner with the chair he had slept on and stretched out, tugging his shirt off as he faced away from her. She looked away, averting her eyes even though it was just his back and she'd seen it all before because of work. He was covered in scars and different marks, and it made her a bit sad, though she wasn't sure why. They were all covered in scars, and so was she, now more than ever.

When he came back to her bedside he was wearing a baggy grey sweater that had the hospitals logo embroidered on the chest. She chuckled and raised an eyebrow as he zipped it up.

"A sweater?" She asked.

"They didn't have any shirts."

"Why don't you just go home and shower, Lee?"

He shook his head. "When the other guys get here I will. I feel wrong leaving you alone."

She rolled your eyes. For a second she wanted to say I can handle myself, but then she paused, and decided that just accepting Lee's presence was better.

After a moment of silence Lee's phone went off, that annoying ringtone cutting through the quiet. His face flushed and she groaned.

"Can't you at least change that stupid ringtone?" She asked, wincing against the sound.

He fumbled with his phone and canceled the call. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You aren't gonna answer?" She asked.

He shrugged, putting the phone in the pocket of the sweater. "I'm busy right now."

She looked back to the ceiling, wondering if everything she had thought about Lacy was right. It probably was, because she prided herself on being a good judge of character, but thinking she might be wrong made her feel less guilty about it all.

"You should call her back," she said finally, looking back up at him.

He stayed quiet, studying her. He wasn't sure what to say.

"I mean, that's your fiancé, right? You should call her back."

He looked down and shook his head. "I'm busy right now, with my friend."

She pressed her lips together. She couldn't make him do something he didn't wanna do, she knew that much for sure, but he never really ignored Lacy's calls unless he was out in the field, and even then he'd usually still answer.

"Lee, I'm fine," she said, motioning to his pocket. "You should at least let her know you're alright."

He sighed, looking at her for a long moment before he grabbed his phone and dialed her number, heading to the door as he did. He glanced back at her and she forced up a smile, dropping her head back to take in the silence and alone time. It didn't last very long, because soon doctors and nurses were coming in to check on her and change her bandages.

Lee was conflicted because for the first time, he really didn't want to choose Lacy over Dusty. Seeing her lying there on the floor of the plane so close to death, feeling her limp in his arms- it had changed something. It made his heart race and leap. He wanted to just keep holding her hand so he could feel her pulse, but he had to settle for his cellphone and Lacy's voice picking up on the other end.

—-

A few hours later.

She sat herself up and listened as she heard the gang barreling down the hall, laughing and slapping each other. She couldn't help but smile before she even saw them.

"There she is!" Caesar called out, pointing as he made his way through the door, "you really had us scared for a minute there, kid."

Dusty laughed, reaching to hug him as he came towards her. Toll and Gunner laughed, moving in line behind Caesar to give her a hug.

"I bet if I'd been there you'd be a-okay," Gunner teased, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"You keep telling yourself that," she laughed, pushing him away. He laughed, stumbling backwards and knocking into Caesar.

Barney came up on the other side of the bed and ruffled her hair, "it's good to see you with some color in your cheeks, kid."

She smiled, pulling away from his hand with a laugh. Lee was leaning in the doorway, finally cleaned up and shaved, but he still wore the sweater, this time over a plain t-shirt. He nodded at her, smile spreading carefully and pensively across his face.

"Does a near death experience in the field qualify me for the ink?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at Barney. He chuckled, glancing up as Caesar, Toll, and Gunner all laughed.

"I never said you couldn't get it," he said defensively.

"You also never said I could," she joked, wincing as a bit of pressure pulled at her stitches.

"Alright, alright," Barney said, "don't hurt yourself. We should let you rest."

"Aw, don't go," she said, rolling her eyes. "The party's just starting."

Gunner reached out his fist and she bumped it, making a little explosion sound with her mouth as she spread her fingers out and pulled them back.

"When are you getting out of here?" Toll asked, looking around the room. "It's kind of depressing in here. No color."

She smiled, her eyes drifting over to Lee, who was watching her from the doorway still. "The doctors said they wanna monitor me another night, but I'm already weening off the pain meds and they're gonna prescribe the antibiotics for me to take. Hopefully tomorrow."

"That's pretty fast," Barney said, "you feeling good? Strong?"

"As always," she said, flashing him another grin. "Don't worry about me, guys. I can take it from here."

"I bet you can't wait to get home," Caesar said. "These places suck the soul out of you."

She nodded. "I already counted all the specks on the ceiling," she said, looking up. Caesar laughed, following her eyes.

"Alright, alright, come on, guys," Barney said, waving them along. "We'll be around. Call if you need anything, alright?"

She nodded, smiling as they left. Barney gave Lee's shoulder a pat as he squeezed by him, but Lee didn't make any indication he was following after them. Dusty watched him, confused.

"Something wrong, Lee?" She asked.

He shrugged, taking a few steps towards the edge of her bed and dropping his hands to the plastic footboard. "You already seem a lot better."

"I am," she said, "I'll be fine. It's fine, Lee."

He nodded, but he didn't seem totally convinced. "I can stay, if you want some company."

"Lee, it's okay. You can go out and have some fun. Celebrate. Everyones alive."

He pressed his lips together and nodded, not pushing too hard. Sure, it'd be fun not to be alone, but Lee was just feeling guilty. She didn't want a friend that hung around because they felt bad. And after letting it all settle, her feelings about everything didn't just dissolve into nothing. They were still there, still creeping into the front of her mind, itching to be angry and wild. She kept it reigned in, trying to calm herself and deal with it, because it had been a crazy enough few days as it was.

"How was Lacy?" She asked. After his phone call, he'd fumbled back in and said he should probably go, but that he'd be back. She told him it was perfectly fine and she probably needed to sleep anyway. She really didn't trust or like Lacy, but for Lee's sake, she was trying to play nice.

"Fine, fine," he said, brushing it off with a faint shrug and a shake of his head. He watched her for a second and she laughed.

"You good, Christmas?"

"Splendid," he said, rolling up his sleeves a bit. "Rest up, got it?"

She nodded. "Sir yes sir."

He rolled his eyes, turning towards the door and glancing back at her before he left, hurrying after the rest of the guys. She laid back, replaying everything that had happened in her head once again. It was a mess, but whatever. She was excited to finally get that tattoo on your forearm, as though that would make it all better. She knew it wouldn't, but it was nice to pretend.

—-

Lee didn't meet up with the guys. He went straight to Rusty's and had a few shots and a beer, looking down at the bar like he was lost in a trance. He wasn't sure how to feel about everything that was happening. He thought about that feeling that had crushed him when he thought you were going to die, and the way he suffocated when he knew it would be partly because of him. He thought about losing Dusty, and the world seemed to burn. When he thought about Lacy cheating, he got angry and mean, but he knew he'd survive. He knew he was worth more than that, worth the wait. When he thought about walking away from her, he felt a pinch in his chest, but he thought the feeling of losing the woman who would be his wife should outweigh the feelings he had when he thought he'd lose Dusty.

He was an emotional guy, admittedly, but he still hated everything he felt.

He threw back another shot and slapped some money onto the counter, deciding he'd just go home and try not to think about any of it at all.